pippychick

I am back from my travels. I wasn’t sure we’d get off at all, since my mother had a gallstone attack (requiring an ambulance and hospital admission in the hours before we were due to set off), but happily they eventually gave her the all clear. Do NOT get me started on my aunt, who swanned off to the pub while I went in the ambulance, despite the fact that it was quite serious at that point. And we weren’t even packed. So when we were home, I got zero sleep. But… I got there, and I got to see some good dancers, listened to some great singers, and I got dressed up as a pirate for Whitby Abbey to see a shortish play based on Dracula, and lots of people took pictures of me, which means I probably did it right (or alternatively, very wrong). Internet evidence to the contrary should be kept to yourselves, please. I visited some castles. I stared at the sea, in the rain, in the hours before dawn, because I’m kind of weird like that, and because I hadn’t even had chance to look at the sea all week until that last morning when it was raining. But mostly because I’m a smoker, and it was either stare at the sea or just stand about outside the hotel looking at the wet road. I chose the sea.

I might be back at work on Monday. I really can’t recall if booked the day off. I’ll need to find out before then.

Is anyone else, like me, looking at the news in sheer unbelieving horror?

Or has everyone taken the route of sanity and turned it off?

Refugees denied, families seperated, US residents denied entry… suddenly that TV section from the newspaper about the inauguration doesn’t seem as funny.

And I swear everyone around him.. you can see in their eyes that they know he’s completely and utterly insane. They just haven’t got a clue what to do about it.

This is some really, really bad shit… and terrifying. 

What I love about writing fanfiction: that moment when canon events all slot into place perfectly, and you know no one has ever told it the way you intend to. *is happy*

Well, I am really struggling with this chapter. It’s mostly written, but… I had a specific format in mind, and I’ve kept to it, but it feels off, like I’ve inadvertently ruined the pacing. That’s odd, because I wanted to write this format to have a clear break between the prior slow burn/consummation vs the lead in to the war, which would require a change in pacing.

*scratches head*

As I check the word count, it seems like if I finish off the chapter as I planned, I might still have some room to play with it. I wonder if there’s some little aspect I can add that will make it work better. Hmm… *thinks*

Some of this chapter is written from the limited pov of the Lord of Light, and I’m hesitant to use that pov to do anything to regulate pacing, mood or atmostphere. It seems too transparent and heavy handed to do that. Probably because if I do that, it’d lead to a feeling of discontent in the reader. I’m not giving much away. If I use the pov like that, you’d expect to see more of the pov character’s motivations. Yet the other pov characters (the three of them) are dreaming, so I can’t use them. Beric is awake, but he’s being haunted. He’s also not a pov character.

I suppose I’ll feed the dogs while I think. This is a quandary. If I can’t fix it, I’m going to have to chuck it and think of something else altogether. But this felt right when I started it. Grrr!

WARNING: Personal politics ahead...

So the petition against Trump making a state visit now has over 1.5m signatures. For context, the UK has a population of about 52m people who are over the age of fourteen.

This evening, I was off out protesting in Sheffield. For such short notice there were a lot of people, so many we closed the main road in front of the town all. At one point I was out on the edges, when a woman asked me what it was about, since she had just finished work. I told her; so she joined in.

Of all the slogans I heard chanted tonight, “Trump – better out than in!” is probably my favourite. Followed closely by the “Theresa the appeaser!” mentions from the speakers.

Also memorable is the moment when a girl stood up in front of the microphone and declared: “I am a muslim woman! And an activist!” to rapturous applause.

I’ve got to admit, I have (especially in my younger years) participated in many anti-racist and anti-fascist protests, marches and rallies, but this is the first where I felt protest and civic duty really merged together into one.

I seem to have got the bug. I know because I have all my Elrond research out. I *know* there are other things I should writing... I blame the muse.

(follows you around the forum)

Ok, I think I need to hibernate for a bit. Maybe a couple of weeks. I don't know. People are worried about me.

I just want to sleep. Let me be and be nothing. I am nothing at all it seems. Not even a dream.

What have I done?

Well, I stopped someone from toying with me before they got it into their head that they could… so that’s something. I said I was worth more than that. I think, if I give myself a bit of time, I’ll believe it again. But as of right now… I feel pretty worthless.

Let me sleep it off.

Then, perhaps, I’ll finally start updating my work again. Brienne wouldn’t have stood for that shit either. *nods* I’m right. But I need sleep just now. Lots of it.

On antibiotics for a virus that didn't go away. Dr says I can expect more things like this. Oh, joy. At least I am alive. Unless this is some kind of seriously wacky afterlife.

After all the crap lately, guess who is putting up the Christmas tree alone? Yep… because, well I’m not quite clear on the because. I took some poinsettia’s around to various neighbours earlier. My mother is under the impression it can be put off even further. Except it can’t, because later this week I will be good for nothing, what with work and various other things, like appointments and other activities. Her birthday meal is one. I haven’t done any christmas shopping. I’m looking at friday at this point.

I’d write in rebellion, but all the words are flying around in my brain like shrapnel right now, and have been doing for a few days. I don’t know what this means. Maybe an extended break again. I hope not.

I know moving all that furniture about seemed to finish me. I could barely move for two days… then I had to go back to work. I don’t know how to survive this week. I have to go out twice to eat. A dicey prospect on my medication, let alone with the lack of energy. I really don’t have a Christmas in me. 

I know retreat isn’t the answer. I know it. But honestly this shit is just like stumbling and crawling around in thick, black smoke and the urge to just stay still is unbearable.

I need space, and time, and something easy for fuck’s sake. Just one thing that’s easy. I am so tired of fighting this.

Damn. I’m going to make myself a neat, orderly list. When all else fails, a list. Because giving in is not an option.

*sighs*

Please send jokes. Or cute pictures.

Well, despite being quite ill, I seem to have managed to complete another chapter. And it didn’t look like it was ever going to happen this one, so… bonus, I guess.

I don’t know. I guess I’ll just do the read through.

Maybe I’ll have a little lie down first… *groans* Perhaps with a couple of paracetamol.

This story is going to break me.

Well it seems like all the stress and extended working hours do take a toll after all, and the upshot of it all is that now I'm really not very well. And I still have lots of hours to work this week.

I may be MIA for an extended period of time.

I'm afraid to say I haven't been writing anything either – not a sausage – so updates to my stories are on indefinite hold for now. Sorry about that.

Now, while I can, I am going back to bed.

Well, I have finished the chapter, and it’s still off. I’ve read the entire work, and it’s still off. I’ve tinkered with some things about it, and it’s still off.

There’s nothing else for it.

I have to throw it all away and go back to the drawing board *sighs*

So disappointed in myself right now, because there’s so many things coming up that are partly written, and things coming up that I can’t wait to write. I don’t know why this is being difficult at all.

I just can’t figure it out.

Ranting... me? The UK is dead and buried. *sighs*

Today I am 40. This is a huge millstone. Milestone! I mean, milestone. I am waiting for life to begin... any second now...

That moment when you go searching for explicit yaoi manga to read because you’ve developed a sudden addiction, and end up on a threatening webpage, then have to allow AVG to remotely access your machine that’s full of dark slash stories, and are hoping they won’t notice. Frightening. I have learned my lesson. Mostly. At least my internet history was all google searches about “what to do when AVG stops working”

My apologies, but this was too good not to share. Found on one of my political sites who came on it via George Takei, here is the Sunday Herald’s (Scotland) TV section:

Awesome…

My dog is really poorly (again). I'm afraid he might be on his way out. Vet this afternoon.

It’s been a hell of a year, right?

I hope everyone has come through it okay… so far…

And, well… I just thought I should warn you all, I’m planning to be around a bit more.

Well, there is plenty of drama at my house tonight. We have just had to throw my aunt out after a litany of bad behaviour. Including getting dolled up and sodding off for a drink in the pub when my mother was rushed into hospital with a gallstone attack, leaving me to go in the back of the ambulance. She’s spent the last few weeks completely ignoring us, especially my mother, sneaking in and out without so much as a word. Now she’s gone.

Tried to talk to her first, but (once we’d insisted on her putting her bloody phone down), it’s like she just can’t admit how bad she’s been. Her response to going out during the ambulance thing? “I only went for one pint.” Well, fuck me. I can ony feel the utmost pity for her children. Seriously.

All we have done is help her.

The absolute best came as she went out the door, when she told my mother she’d driven my dad and my brother to suicide, and her second husband too. My mother has been widowed twice.

I think good riddance to her.

For perspective, this is the behaviour of a forty-seven year old woman.

In other news, I am nearly 2000 words in to the next chapter.

The muse has gone very quiet over the last couple of days. This does not please me at all. Nor does it please any of the elves. *shakes it* Wake up!

Well, I have about 5.5k words of filth that might get posted at some point tonight. Commencing read throughs.

Advantages to online xmas shopping: Done in an hour, easy, get stuff for cheaper than out in town, get stuff you couldn’t get in town.

Disadvantages: The delivery. I’m waiting for around thirty items, but today, if I’m lucky, the postman will deliver one or two of them at best. Also, I went back to bed at 8:15 am, then got an email at 8:26 which I didn’t read, advising me a driver would turn up between 9:25 and 10:25. Seriously!? I woke up at 9:45 to find an annoying card. They didn’t even manage to wake the dog up. They must have tiptoed to my door… *growls*

Right now I officially hate Christmas. And I was doing so well this year.

I can’t help imagining how much worse Scrooge would have become if he’d woken up on Christmas day morning to find cards from the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future saying: “We’re sorry we missed you!”

So I spent a large chunk of yesterday in A&E. I'm not sure what I did to deserve this. No painkillers... really? *feels sorry for self*