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Everything posted by pippychick
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Ok, I think I need to hibernate for a bit. Maybe a couple of weeks. I don't know. People are worried about me.
I just want to sleep. Let me be and be nothing. I am nothing at all it seems. Not even a dream.
What have I done?
Well, I stopped someone from toying with me before they got it into their head that they could… so that’s something. I said I was worth more than that. I think, if I give myself a bit of time, I’ll believe it again. But as of right now… I feel pretty worthless.
Let me sleep it off.
Then, perhaps, I’ll finally start updating my work again. Brienne wouldn’t have stood for that shit either. *nods* I’m right. But I need sleep just now. Lots of it.
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Just realised, that sounds a lot worse than it is…. I just meant I was interested, and that’s a Big Thing for me, because I’m usually not interested in anyone like that. At all. Ever. I’m not saying it’s difficult to get my attention, but I’m usually fairly oblivious most of the time, sometimes even on purpose. I’ve just, more or less, decided that crap is a big waste of my time. On balance. This hasn’t served to change my opinion any, really.
I mean I would have done the whole bodily contact thing, quite happily, had we got to that point. Unfortunately, he turned out to be a massive dick. *sighs* And that always kind of puts you off their dick... It’s a sad truth most men have yet to work out. *shrugs sadly* Not my fault, I’m afraid.
Meh… I’m feeling better now, mostly. Just settling back in.
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Ugh, men can totally suck sometimes. I believe that you can get back on it (or don’t, lol, being single is fun too)! Remember to self-care!
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Feeling kind of low tonight, and tired. Just so much stumbling around in the dark without a guide, way too much wondering what I’m doing, every single day, when maybe it’s all too clear: I’m setting myself up.
Hope. It makes fools of us all, doesn’t it? People like to blame love, but love is just a part-time accomplice. Hope is the really vicious one.
I’m sorry for a million and one things, but mostly for being myself. You’d think I would have learnt by now to hide that part. I just never hated it enough.
Well, perhaps I’ll learn another lesson here. Don’t stare at mirages. They’ll make you crazy.
*sighs*
The stress is killing me, and maybe that’s why I’ve had my first serious nightmare in what feels like months, which is what has me awake at just gone four am.
MIA, 2018
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Would writing a good snuff fic help?
Hang in there @pippychick.
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So sad and introspective and yet somehow your words are still beautiful. The demons your wrestling with sound like real bitches, so I hope you figure out how to slay them or embrace them (whatever your particular needs may be).
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All right, so sadly it’s not happening at all for me on AFF (I’m not sure why, and I’ve given up wondering), and while I’ll never go back to certain other sites as myself, I’ve had no choice but to post there. it’s either that or lose my motivation entirely. There’s also a chance it might just be one slightly enthusiastic person, but…
I got 45 kudos overnight.
This is encouraging.
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Sorry to hear you feeling that way – you’ve written one of my favorite stories and I still try and encourage people to read it, hence my sig. On the other hand, if you do find something else to do and be creative at – whether original writing instead of fanfic or something else entirely – I hope it brings you success and enjoyment
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Thanks JayDee
I love writing for you, and will probably do it again. That bodyshock horror thing would be an original story. No fanfiction element at all. I absolutely still intend to write gifts. And co-author fics (I don’t intend to abandon ours, Bronx!).
It’s an imbalance, really. I’m writing very occasional original short stories, and these great long fanfictions with deep layers and involved plots. Ideally it should be the other way around. I should be pouring my heart and soul into my original work, and keeping fanfic just for fun. If I can’t do that… if I have to leave fanfic alone completely to make my work count, then that’s what I should probably do.
tl;dr translation: I’m getting old and I haven’t bloody done anything!
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I’ve got a fanfic that’s been “on hiatus”, almost permanently, simply because I find playing in my own sandbox to be more enjoyable.
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Ok… I am editing the next chapter. I’m a little late, I know.
Now let’s hope I don’t read through this and think: Oh, no. *gulps*
Here goes...
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lol… if I do that, it definitely won’t make sense. I just meant, if I read through the unpublished chapter and wonder what I was thinking.
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For me, it had been over a year since I had last touched the story, so I figured a reading with revise/edit was a good idea. However, with the episodic nature (ie, a serial novel) of the story made it *really* easy to come up with a new episode idea to add. Thus, after updating the first couple of episodes, I just went ahead and ripped out the remaining episodes with the intent to repost as I revise. This makes it easier on the reader to not have to figure out what’s old/new, and easier on DG since I won’t have to pester her about rearranging my story when I post the new episode.
And while doing this, my mind is *also* mulling over the idea I picked up while working on my holiday story.
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Well, it’s done… *sighs*
http://tv.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600099379&chapter=40
Now I guess I’ll try and forget that I posted it.
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It’s nearly twenty to twelve. I’m trying to write, but fireworks keep going off outside and making me have mini heart attacks. Not entirely unlike Clegane, however I don’t think it’s helping.
Anyway, Happy New Year to you all, however you are celebrating!
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Oh, dear, poor Clegane! (And there’s a sentence I never thought to utter…. :D)
Happy New Year!
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