DrunkenScotsman

Totally unintentional. I thought it was a weird coincidence, myself - one of life's little quirks.

As far as I can tell, she just kinda dropped off the radar. If someone can point me to a late S3 or a S4 episode where she appears, I'd appreciate it.

Author: DrunkenScotsman Title: First Times at Bayville High Summary: The girls of X-Men: Evolution have a slumber party and talk about their sex lives. Surprises abound! Feedback: Ratings, reviews, forum discussion - all are welcome. Link to forum in 1st chapter. Fandom: X-Men Animated Series (all) Pairing: Multitudinous Warnings: Minor2, First-time, Other (at the beginnings of chapters as needed) URL: http://xmen.adultfan...hp?no=600090976 Nearly halfway finished now, but there is some catching up to do if you haven't been reading already. Thanks in advance for giving my work a whirl!

I'm still watching my way through. One of the things I'm looking for is the result of Kurt/Amanda, b/c there's an episode where he's outed as a mutant to them and they forbid her to see him anymore: "The Toad, The Witch, and The Wardrobe." Checking the episode listing, TWW happens 3 episodes before "Cruise Control" with an unspecified amount of downtime between - potentially plenty of time for him to get over her, esp. since it's Kitty who he's had a crush on since they met. Further, "Cruise Control" was aired out of order, several episodes after where it was written to be, giving even MORE downtime. So I think it's doable.

Cool, thanks. I've been rewatching the series again on Hulu, and just haven't made it all the way through yet, so sometimes I'm having to go by memory. I appreciate the input regarding what to do w/ Rogue. I was born and raised in the South, so believe me when I say "Ah know how Southerners lahk ta talk." When I get to her chapter, I'll probably do something along the lines of what I did with Rahne's chapter - keep the word choices for flavor, not spell out the words the way they'd sound aloud but write them as she would mean them in her head. If FTaBH has earned back enough of your trust, you might also like my story "Solo Shots." It's in a similar vein to this one, but in a different universe. I also have "Heat of the Moment," a het-fic set in the movieverse, which I think is my best work on this site.

I certainly prefer to give folks the benefit of the doubt, but the very existence of trolls proves that some people will read something they hate just to flame it. I hope AgentG will forgive me for having begun to fear he was one; his taking the time to post above, and the contents of the post, indicate to me that he isn't.

Awesome - now a dialogue is opened, and I can explain some of my creative choices. I sincerely thank you for taking the time to post the above. I won't really get into Down Under much here, since this is a thread for FTaBH; Down Under's done and I don't plan on a sequel. (I'm sure you're relieved to hear it. ) I'll freely admit that that story had some flaws, flaws resulting from me trying to weld two different story ideas together into one. I'm sorry you didn't like it. Regarding Amara: Your points about her acting like a regular teen in the series are taken. That was a creative decision by the writers of that show, one which I find a little odd. So I jettisoned the "regular teen" angle in favor of the royalty angle, which I thought would be more interesting because there are so many other "regular teen" girls - Jean, Kitty, and Rogue (goth, yes, but not outside the norm), of course, but also Jubes and Tabby. That's half the teenage female cast of Evo, so I made a purposeful deviation with Amara and Nova Roma, drawn from 616 but with an Evo spin. (I have just now edited my AN in her chapter using the above as explanation, so everyone else can see it if they take issue w/ my characterization choices.) I tried to keep the aspects of Evo Amara that worked, like her 'fish out of water' aspects. Unfortunately, the Marvel database isn't much help in her case ( http://marvel.wikia....ma(Earth-11052) ), but she does at least get a few episodes of focus. Which brings me to Rahne, who gets a few scenes where she's doing nothing more than running around or catching frisbees or whatever, with few (zero?) lines. Since she gets almost zero characterization in the show, that means anything's technically fair game - a carbon-copy of her 616 personality, or a religious zealot, or what I went with (exhibitionist w/ few inhibitions, all w/ naturist overtones). I double-checked her Marvel database entry too ( http://marvel.wikia....r_(Earth-11052) ), which does indicate that she got pulled out of the Institute at the same time as Jubilee, which I had forgotten - I had thought she stayed but just didn't get any dialogue. I'll see if I can't work an explanation into the upcoming chapter 5. Earlier in the thread, I explained where I was coming from in regards to my own methods of writing accent - thicker than most people, but in a way I think better reflects what is actually said. When it came to the Scots slang, I actually ended up veering more toward general UK slang that I've heard from the mouths of some Anglo students I've had in my classes and that I've picked up from watching BBC. From my (admittedly amateur) study of linguistics, the advent of TV has helped to spread the standard spoken dialects - standard American English in the States, Received Pronunciation in the UK. (I actually wish I could've found a handy guide to Scots-specific slang like the one I found for Aussie slang that I used for Down Under.) In general, everyone uses a lot of slang, especially teenagers and young adults; I guess I didn't expect that to need explanation. You said you're filling in where Evo doesn't cover, and where I haven't covered yet, w/ 616 info. For the purposes of my story, at least, DON'T do that. There are some explanations that have to wait for later chapters; I don't want any reader to taint their expectations by resorting to 616 canon. I'm not using 616 beyond the minimum necessary for any AU (which Evo technically is, really). Sometimes, like Amara, I even have to deviate from Evo a bit in order to tell what I hope is an interesting story, in which cases I only ask that you roll with me. I'll try to do better about leaving more hints about things, but I make no promises about where within the story they happen, in which case I ask for patience (and maybe some rampant speculation). I definitely don't want you to stop reviewing, nor do I want you to stop critiquing what you think are the weaknesses of my writing; getting feedback is the only way I'm going to improve. The paragraphs about Amara and Rahne in your post were way more useful to me than what was in the reviews you posted at the time; I think that's because what you posted above was a lot more specific in detail, and you spelled out exactly what you didn't like - which is so, so useful to a writer. However, what you said in the most recent review came across as a personal attack - specifically, being told to "just stop with any kind of accents from now on," because of how much effort I put into understanding speech and into giving each of the characters a unique 'sound', is just as bad as telling me to just stop writing (which I am glad you specifically did not do, and said above that you did, in fact, actually enjoy my writing).

Thanks for your input, Mr. MarvelMaster. I'm glad that everyone so far seems to be having less difficulty with the accent. I think I found a happy medium between readability and accurate reflection of nonstandard English speech - the chapter is more along the lines of "how Rahne sounds in her head" and therefore divorced from the physical speech apparatus (mouth, tongue, etc.) which alters vowels and consonants in various ways. Sorry - amateur linguist at work again! Regarding AgentG: Really? Based on his one review of Down Under (that got removed - not my doing), and all his reviews of this story so far, s/he's coming across as less "honest critic" and more "troll". That last review was seriously insulting to me, and I'll admit I was really tempted to remove it. I didn't, and I won't; I'm leaving it as a testament to the fact that I'm not petty enough to remove anyone's input that isn't the verbal equivalent of a blowjob. I was about to type up a lengthy description of my thoughts about characterization, canon, and the nature of fanfic, but you're not AgentG and I can't ask you to be a go-between. I think I'd like it if s/he (no idea about gender) would join our discussion here or PM me, so there can be communication across what seems to be a fairly wide artistic chasm.

You're right: it would be just fantastic, but sadly, I'm not - not for something like 8 generations or more. I'm seriously starting to wonder why AgentG even reads my stuff at all, since it's obviously such a waste of time.

Now that I'm thinking about the whole accent issue, I now have to ask: If I don't write the next chapter entirely in Rahne's Scots accent, should I also not write Rogue's chapter in her Southern drawl? I'd really hate to miss out on that one. How tough is it to understand Rogue?

I looked up 616 Rahne on the Marvel wiki. She's Presbyterian, actually, an offshoot of Calvinism. At any rate, super-religious. IF one assumes Evo-Rahne is a teenage version of 616 Rahne, then the rebelliousness angle makes total sense for my story. As does the fact that, as you said, I'm NOT WRITING 616, which AgentG just seems not to be getting. I guess maybe I shouldn't be making nods to 616 to avoid confusion? Thanks for the input, Daye. And backup, hahahhaa.

In general, when I write accents, I write them a little thicker than most of the other authors, so your points are well-taken, Daye and MM. I blame the fact that I'm something of an amateur linguist, so I'm intensely fascinated in how people speak and how their speech sounds, which bleeds over into my writing as attempts to represent those sounds in the dialogue with consistency. Part of me is tempted to go ahead and write Ch. 4 in the accent, just for the challenge. Part of me is tempted to swing the pendulum, so to speak, and write it entirely without the accent - few people sound in their heads like they sound in real life, you see.

So I kinda planned originally to do the whole chapter 4 in Rahne's accent. I'm now dreading it a little, just b/c of the auto-correct on MS Word. Also, I think the readability will suffer if I do. Thoughts?

I can't pick one. They're roughly equal, in my opinion. It's very hard to say that as a perfectionist, though. Especially when I get the non-5 rating and I'm only 2 chapters into the story.

I had originally planned to just have the girls go in alphabetical order, and my story notes only had the particular stories - the bricks but not the mortar, if you will. Now that I'm writing it, though, I think I'd rather have each girl's story lead into the next, so there's some sort of logical flow to them. That also necessitates me figuring out which stories might segue into which, meaning I actually don't know who's going next at the moment. I've got it narrowed down to a few possibilities, though.

You, sir, have that rare gift of knowing how to bitch in a review, by pointing out what, specifically, doesn't work for you and why (and what does). This is invaluable to other writers, and I'm not overstating things, I don't think. MM616, lest you think I'm playing favorites, you've given me some really useful reviews too, especially on "Down Under," which we didn't see eye-to-eye on. Your criticisms really did help me see some flaws in my story, though I wasn't always able to fix or patch over them.

Oh, man, I love that "Christmas Gift" story. It was masterfully executed, and I desperately wish I'd written it. Re: Bobby/Jubes - There's one quick scene in one episode (I can't even remember which one) where he makes a mini ice ballerina for her. That's really about it, though. Maybe it was the start of something that got snuffed by her being written out of the series. As far as I know, Sam/Amara and Bobby/Danielle don't even star in the same comic series, so they'd have had one-night-stands at best, I guess. Re: your review - Fashion-wise, Jubilee's sleepwear, remember, was electric-blue and hot-pink. Still 80s-redux, reminiscent maybe of her 616 counterpart, but in Evo-Jubes' case here not necessarily something she's gonna wear out in public. As for your comments about the "mall is home" sounding odd... I might have been writing metaphorically, or maybe not. You'll just have to wait and see. In general, my stories are posted as I write them, and this one's no different. To me, at least, it's helpful to let the story marinate between installments, both for my creative juices' sake, and to let as many readers as possible have a chance to read the latest chapter before I drop a new one.

Very carefully. There are a few pairings that are hinted at canonically (Shadowcat/Colossus, Iceman/Jubilee, good old Romy, Jamie/Rahne, and I think an argument can be made for Kurtty). I'm hewing w/ canon overall, but I promised surprises in the story summary, and that's what everyone's gonna get, whether that's an unusual pairing or a canonical one with a surprise twist. I actually decided how everyone was getting laid - setting, scenario, reasons - before determining partners. Maybe I'm just weird like that, but it was easier to reverse-engineer the relationship particulars out of the stories I had in mind.

Just gonna open a forum topic for the purposes of discussing the story.

I find it's best to involve as many senses as possible - smells, textures, temperatures, tastes, sounds. The less important a sensory detail seems, the more it adds to the experience. Another major key is to avoid focusing too much on just the mouths, lips, and tongue. During a heavy 'snog,' there's plenty else going on w/ the rest of the participants' bodies - hands roaming, groins rubbing, etc. Expanding your focus beyond just the oral orifices lets you (as a writer) explore your characters' bodies through the lens of your characters' perceptions, which gives you not only a chance to have some sexiness, but also to showcase how your characters think and feel. Externally, a good rule of thumb is that if a scene turns you on while you're writing it, you're on the right track.

I'd say that "half-orgasm" is fairly appropriate. While edging (applying light to medium stimulation over a long period of time), I've overdone it a bit, finding just the right speed, etc., but I wanted to keep from finishing. With effort, by stopping the stimulation at just the right time (as the orgasm is about to go off), I get a "half-orgasm" - there's some twitching, a little dribbling, but it stays hard. I've also had several full orgasms over the course of a few hours, and by about the third one (for me), my balls start to hurt b/c they're empty and I've overworked the muscles involved in ejaculating. The closest comparison I can readily come up with is that it's kinda like having dry heaves after you've emptied your stomach w/ previous vomiting. (Sorry for the comparison being rather gross.)

I heard quite a zinger on this topic (broadly speaking): "The current dictum, to 'write what you know,' has produced an entire generation of novels about college professors having midlife crises and affairs." I think writing only from a perspective one is familiar with, or drawing only from one's own experiences, breeds stagnation, not creativity. Imagination (and research - gasp!) are key to finding those perspectives exterior to oneself.

This story isn't new, by any stretch, but I wanted to promote it so it can get some more attention. Author: DrunkenScotsman Title: Heat of the Moment Summary: Romance develops between Iceman and Shadowcat after the (in)famous skating scene from X3 Feedback: Please and thank you! This is the main reason I'm promoting it so long after it's been finished. Fandom: X-Men (Films) Pairing: Bobby+Kitty (Iceman+Shadowcat) Warnings: M/F, HJ/Fingering, Minor2, UST, WAFF, Angst URL: http://xmen.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600090620 Thanks in advance for reading, and for whatever feedback (ratings or reviews) you care to leave!

Just pointing out that sometimes content warnings aren't 100% indicative of what you'll actually find in a story. Maybe the example I gave wasn't the best, but I can't remember another specific instance. Believe me, though, whenever I review, I make a point to say exactly what I like and don't like, and why.

Colossus showed up as an Acolyte, yeah. He had a short scene or two where he and Kitty interacted, and she seemed to take an immediate shine to him; dunno about him, since he was rather stoic. Rogue+Gambit is my other major 'ship' - they always have to dance the dance, never able to entirely trust each other, but equally unable to deny their attraction. It's a fascinating dynamic, even discounting that they can't touch. One of the key things about Rogue in any relationship is, how much can she afford to let her guard down? How much physicality is needed for a relationship to survive - in other words, can there be a relationship that doesn't involve direct physical contact? The Evo voice actor was really good, but to me he'll always sound like whoever did his voice in the Animated Series ("De name's Gambit - remember it!").