InvidiaRed

Sounds interesting.

From InBrightestDay on June 07, 2020 Well, crap, I fell way behind, didn't I? I haven't been labeling these reviews, but this one is for Chapter 4 If I have a criticism of this chapter, I think it has to do with the fact that Adala is being very hard on herself for what she did last time, but it really doesn't seem fair. As she says If only to smooth over her inadvertent transgression. Like the woman says, it's inadvertant. As far as the story has mentioned, grass just grows around her feet wherever she lands; she doesn't do that on purpose, and the godling didn't just break the aspect like the gods of Mortane did back in the first chapter, there's mention back in Chapter 3 of all of Adala's pain receptors lighting up, meaning she actually felt her body being shredded apart by the high-pressure water. This feels like the equivalent of tasing someone for ringing your doorbell when they didn't know you had sensitive ears or something. I mean, she brings this up: Gods are beings of heightened emotions. Simply put, they feel in extremes. They are beings of extremes. They don’t feel sad, they experience soul crushing sorrow, To them happiness is euphoria inducing joy. They don’t get mad, they get blindingly enraged. It also doesn’t help that death is little more than a temporary inconvenience. All this largely skews their perspectives. Well unless they’re one of the indivisible. Like a stupid child she had ignored the warnings. Being minced had humbled her. But if she had turned back, she wouldn't be able to talk to the guy. She didn't barge in screaming like the Beldam did, but just walked in about as respectfully as anyone who needs to talk to someone else could, so all in all I can't help but feel like he owes her an apology. But no, Adala criticizes herself pretty hard on this… Adala may be the goddess of justice but that doesn’t mean she’ll judge herself fairly. In a sense, she’s her own worst enemy by holding herself by an impossibly strict standard. She’s been the judge so long that she thinks murder, arson and jaywalking are deserving of the same level of punishment. She’s been insulated and isolated from the world by her job, so she doesn’t realistically know how society functions. In this circumstance. You caused an incident with a godling of all things. You will make amends and take responsibility. Ergo, Your fault, your responsibility. In a very round about manner Mater is trying to get her to understand and socialize. She’s speaking in terms that she knows Adala will understand. ...and apparently so does everyone else. I get from the way the scene is written that it's supposed to be funny, but the godling is coming across like a major asshole here. Of course, that is only the beginning of the chapter, and we have to get to the second part. ( The Godling up until this point is entirely new to divinity utterly ignorant of everything including essentially all divine politics.. He’s been going at this divinity entirely alone. Gods are not just people, they’re like nations, militaries religions, corporations AND people all rolled into one. And one just popped up essentially next door. It is really interesting to think of dinner parties involving every pantheon in existence, and there was something that made me chuckle here: Almost like the indivisible. Whose ilk who were apparently incapable of basic math. And who had the highest deicide rate of any godly faction in existance . The feckless losers of the war of creation. Now, admittedly the term "feckless" coming out of a deity is amusing in and of itself, but Adala's first criticism of the indivisible is that they can't do math. So the indivisible can't do division. Sorry, but that was the way I read that, and I couldn't help laughing. ( Its meant to be funny as well a major part of lore. The indivisible all unilaterally have the belief that by creating aspects or avatars they loose some small part of themselves. Therefore, They are always in one place at a time and at 100% full power at all times. The problem with this approach is not every situation requires full strength and they can be overwhelmed. Gods can horde rush indivisible with aspects. Whittling them down may take time but 1 damage is 1 damage and while breaking tools is an inconvenience its not harming the god in question who is free to recreate the aspect ad nausem while also learning attack patterns, weaknesses and the like. Or to put it another way a whole number slowly being murdered by fractions. Thus the Indivisible while willing to fight for what they believe in still refuse to aspect. They refuse to learn how to aspect or advance that skill. Its understandably a deific faction in sharp decline. It also why they’ve wracked up the highest death count. When they’re destroyed they greet oblivion. Then things get ominous as hell. The inverted deity, Cruim, is really creepy, and I like the concept of something that isn't really a god so much as a sort of malevolent force. This actually feels more Lovecraftian, in terms of being a concept that the audience struggles to understand, than the "Old Evils" do. Cruim has essentially been the only serious non-hostile cosmic entity in contact with the Godling. So there is a legitimate cause for concern if not outright worry. Old Evils are part of a hierarchy like any other. The problem is Adala and the gods don’t really understand they are not the only cosmic force in the multiverse. Its suspected by the existence of the lesser powers and the fact that Cruim is a regular threat. The Multiverse is an impossibly vast place… And the gods aren’t alone. but they’re blind to the fact that the gods faced “something” in the war of creation an opposing force? Or where they just an unknown kinfolk? Old Evils in particular are demigod level threats that corrupt in a manner quite like viral transmission. Mind rape is their calling card. Corruption their currency. Things were somewhat confusing, though, at the end, as the creepy intrusion seems to involve characters we've never met before (at least not in this story) and yet whom the story seems to think I should know. "Balor" is mentioned, but "Merynaton" is the one whose name I've never heard, and seems to be referred to as "the entity" right up until the end, which is a bit confusing assuming I've got it right and Merynaton isn't someone else. I’ll try to clear that up Merynaton is well a name for the Godling in question. Balor is an aspect who went rogue and willingly joined Cruim. In a sense, He’s the most dangerous part of Cruim merely by the virtue of his ability to think. Adala should be more concerned with the fact that the Godling in question is in possibly regular contact with this anathematic force that is Cruim… And he hasn’t been corrupted, assimilated or affected. I’d be incredibly worried that a traitor who aided and abetted in the murder of his goddess is on speaking if not friendly terms with what amounts to the new kid on the block. “You ignored the warnings. So that’s on you. There will be no enmity between us. Wait, so the entity using the Trias avatar...is this the same godling from the start of the story? If so, again, I find it hard not to read him as the rude one in this exchange. Well, he's evidently decided that her penance for her "sin" is to apologize to Trias, which promises to be a highly emotional scene when I get to it. He just wants the hurting to stop. As an empath who isn’t fully in control. One could argue that Adala is the one unintentionally and unknowingly hurting him.Minding his own business and then he’s forced to feel Adala’s emotional turmoil against his will. The gods of dark aren’t’ like the light oriented ones. Defintely will try to fix that. Merynaton isn’t in full control of his divine ability so his aspect is highly affected by his as of now unknown domain/portfolio. In this case, This particular aspect takes on the form of someone or something that is emotionally important to the viewer. Thus, Adala sees Trias. There is however another reason why. I'm sorry if this sounded like I was attacking you. It's always your right as an author to write the story that feels best to you. This is just my subjective emotional reaction. I can’t improve if no one reviews. <3

Haha. The Hallowen reviews were great. So let's see how this goes for the rest of my work.

I think you just forgot to quicksave =p Though the alien’s reference was delightful

Its not that bad. I finished most of your stories. You should give yourself more credit.

Never liked Stryker so it was refreshing to see him dominated. a cock boning the shit out of dude is always refreshing when done right. You do it well.