Too Big to Flail (Het, Harry/Molly/Others)

January 11, 2019

Yes, it is I, Dobbs of the Dobby. Back with another asinine pornographic challenge/request.

Title: Too Big to Flail

Summary: There are problems with being big. There seem to be too many problems to being too big. You’ve seen fics where Harry has a big tool (Yes, I’m referring to his dick. Henceforth his dick shall be referred to as The Tool), where he pleases every woman with said tool. But what if there were only very few women who could actually take said tool, without it being painful for her, and at the same time be pleasurable to Harry himself?

Plot and Challenge expansion:

Here’s some ground-rules/Existing circumstances/Context for the plot:

(i) The Wizarding World is far more free with respect to sex. As in, a marriage signifies who you make children with and who you want to live with. More often than not people have sexual relationships outside their marriage whilst still being happily married. This is due to that point that each individual’s magic and consequently genitals match and resonate with very few other magical individuals. And its very hard as it is to find the one a single individual resonates with. A lot of people simply settle down with good friends or people they’re comfortable with and hook-up sexually if they actually meet the person they resonate with later on in life.

important side note: There is no spell, no ritual, no magic that can be actively performed that tells a person who they resonate with. Absolutely do NOT use the Soul Bond trope.

(ii) Most people are married and still looking for sex when they graduate from Hogwarts/Beauxbatons/Durmstrang. Most purebloods know all these as facts of life. Most muggleborns come to realize this by fifth year at most and leave their inhibitions of the muggle world behind. This effect also tends to bolster the statue of secrecy since finding a suitable Non-Magical sexual partner becomes impossibly harder.

(iii) This situation also has very amusing effects on people’s kinks/perversions/fetishes. A nice avenue to explore for writers.

Actual Sex Plot:

Enter Third/Fourth/Fifth Year, Harry “The Tripod” Potter. Whose skill in Quidditch and magic is only exceeded by the size of his Tool. Now normally, having said tool would be point of confidence, a thing of pride. But in this wizarding world, it is a thing to be pitied and ridiculed for. Most people are aware how hard it is already with the resonating magic. With a very abnormal Tool the size of Harry’s it is almost impossible for Harry to find companionship (More on this in the challenger’s note below).

By the time Harry’s First/Second Year is over, its all over the Hogwarts’ Gossip Mill. Harry’s Tool is well known throughout. The reason that Harry is not drowning in women/fangirls/offers is not because he’s shy/timid. Its because almost every female knows they cannot “take it”. In fact the constant taunts from Malfoy about how lonely Harry is (Malfoy is referring to his inability to find partners), Pity from house-mates, friendly ribbing from the Weasley twins and the Quidditch team, is actually why Harry is Shy/Timid. Oliver Wood had actually asked whether Harry would have trouble controlling 2 broomsticks and catching the snitch at the same time. He’s almost given up hope.

See Final Important Note, for further details.

See Canon circumstances for some scene inspiration.

So when a desperate/despondent Harry Potter comes across the Marauder’s Map, he sees his only salvation. Ironically, more than the fear of Voldemort, the prospect of getting laid motivates Harry to study Magic. The Map he found out actually sampled people’s magic in a small area and displayed their names. But he had been told repeatedly there’s no way to find out who he could possibly resonate with.

With ridiculous hard work and finally a deeper understanding of Magic itself Harry comes up with simple Enchanted Parchment, While it will never tell him the name/location/details of the people he might resonate with, it does something semi-useful. It samples his magic and simply tests the magic of those around him. So whenever he’s near a person who he could resonate with, it starts glowing. Simply put he doesn’t actually have to go through courtship and sex to know if they fit magically/genitally. Saves him both embarrassment and heartbreak of constant rejection/impossibility.

After months of No Glow from the parchment, roaming all around Hogwarts and Hogsmeade wearing the parchment as a makeshift bracelet, Harry has again almost given up hope. But when he next visits the Burrow during the Summer, it suddenly glows. It Glows when Molly Weasley hugs him. The next day, when Molly hugs him into her bosom again, Harry just starts kissing Molly. And Magic Happens. Shenanigans happen. Kek.

They’re both unstoppable after that. A virile hungry teenager and a MILF who has been looking for resonance for far longer. They shag everywhere, without a care for what time it is or who is there, all over the Burrow. And Arthur doesn’t mind, since he just found resonance with a teenage Hermione. While Hermione and Arthur aren’t as active as Harry and Molly. This still leads to some group sessions (Optional).

Armed with better understanding of Magic and a better confidence in himself, Harry finds a way to defeat Voldemort without the shenanigans of 6^th and 7^th years. And without having to die himself.

He marries and has children with Ginny to reward her loyalty towards him (see amusing canon circumstances). He also marries one other person who he actually resonates with. (See Pairings section for further detail).

Harry/Molly is of course constant throughout.

Some amusing circumstances from canon:

Cho Chang was crying during their first kiss. not because she remembered Cedric. She was crying because she had actually felt The Tool inside Harry’s Pants and knew without a doubt that she would bleed more than a single period’s worth if she tried to take that thing inside her.

When Fleur called Harry a “Leetle boy”, Harry wasn’t insulted. He was actually hoping he had finally found someone who could take him. She was Veela after all right? He was brutally disabused of the notion when Fleur “tried” but failed spectacularly to “repay” him for rescuing Gabrielle from the lake.

Ginny Weasley is the most persistent stalker of all. She progressively takes and practices with larger and larger dicks to finally be able to take Harry and have his kids. Harry actually does marry Ginny in the end to reward such loyalty. He actually gives his kids from Ginny, canon names because he knows how messed up Ginny was to actually do what she did.

When Romilda Vane sent the Love Potion Chocolates, Harry threw them all away. But went to vane acting like he was hooked on the Love Potion. He tried to impregnate her, but could not due to Vane fainting cause of Pain.

Pairings:

Harry/Molly Weasley is a requisite.

(And as usual Molly is not fat. Just incredibly buxom. See “WerewolfWarrior”’s description for example or “Drops of Lemons” by Narutosbrat or “Harry Potter: Amoral and Amorous” by Sleepydog)

Harry/Ginny is also a requisite. She’s the ultimate fan-girl who actually succeeded.

Arthur/Hermione and Ron/Hermione is optional left to the writer.

Now for the rest of the Pairings.

The maximum number of women who can be Harry’s Partner in bed should NOT exceed 4, including Molly but excluding Ginny.

Absolutely and only use rare characters. Like say Madam Rosmerta. Or say Madam Malkin. Poppy Pomfrey. Amelia Bones. Or even Madam Maxime, if you think you have the skill in writing to pull it off. Kek.

But no Hermione, No Luna, No Daphne, No Parvati/Padma, None of the usual Harem girls.

Harry also Marries one other person who he resonates with. This has to be an absolutely rarely used character Harry’s age. For example, Eloise Midgen. Or Millicent Bulstrode.

And all these Harry must and should find via the glowing Parchment he created.

Tonks of course is the exception left to the writer. You can include her due to her Metamorph abilities. (Amusing circumstances where the parchment glows near Tonks only sometimes when she takes only certain forms and no reaction normally. Stuff like that) Or you can ignore her. Writer’s discretion.

Final Important Note: I actually got inspired for the challenge by, surprise, watching porn. Hear me out, lol. Have you guys seen those huge dick porn movies where the guy has an impossibly large Penis, (Mandingo I think they’re called)? Have you noticed that 9 out of 10 such pornstars NEVER manage to bottom out in the Female? Like half their dick remains outside, every-time. How unsatisfying must it be for that male pornstar?

And if you’ve ever talked to female friends who have actually taken big dicks inside them, almost 90% say its incredibly painful when they go beyond a certain size threshold. Painful to the point of turning them off. The challenge is based on this amusing tidbit.

And male friends who have such equipment… who feel as though all feeling has been cut off from their tools when they enter too small Vaginas. Yes, I’ve actually heard this. And have to constantly pull out and stimulate themselves by hand to not be turned off?

That’s the basis of this fic. Basically a fic where a big dick is a social/Magical disadvantage to Harry. Kek.

Also, writer’s tip: DO NOT use numbers to describe sizes (Dicks, breasts, asses,etc). Always fails. Use comparisons, euphemisms, metaphors, etc. Take any successful porn fic. It will never have numbers. Only descriptions.

On a completely Unrelated, incredibly amusing note check this site out. It basically matches and tests Dicks and Pussies based on Names:

Vagina Affinity Analyzer.

I of course entered Harry Potter x Molly Weasley.