InvidiaRed's review responses

[InvidiaRed]

From JayDee on October 28, 2019
 

Immunda by InvidiaRed

…thought I might have some missionary position jokes but, holy fuck, another one making me Holy Fuck at he end.

That is one crapsack shithole of a nation you’ve got there, but an interesting one as well.

The kind of wham moment here after she thinks she’s cleansed the altar… that’s some fucking good horror that is. I feel bad for the baby like.

The ending was really grim. So good job on that, too! I sure as fuck didn’t see it coming. Y’all are taking the horror seriously this year!

Mortane is a hell on earth for a reason. Yeah. Nothing like cleansing an evil god out of an alter just for another to be ready and waiting.

[InvidiaRed]

From PlagueClover on October 29, 2019
 

Immunda by InvidiaRed

Okay, so your style always takes me a moment to get used to. All the quick paragraphs and snaps from one action to the next. The pacing is lightning quick, but man... Okay, I shuddered. Quite a bit at the end there. Though, I kinda have to note that the moment you used 'Justicar' it suddenly became Mass Effect in my brain lol.

Anyway, this was violent and horrific and dark, and so very fucking twisted. Which is nice, you know, to get an expresso shot of some super messed up horror right before Halloween, so this does an excellent job of that. Well done! 

Justicar was the best way i could to paint what I wanted as quickly as possible but its accurate. Haha. Didn’t want to use paladin. Overused.

[JayDee]

2 hours ago, InvidiaRed said:

Mortane is a hell on earth for a reason.

Someone open a Chick-Fil-A?

[InvidiaRed]

8 hours ago, JayDee said:

Someone open a Chick-Fil-A?

its midrange fast food. Kinda harsh to say hell on earth.

[InvidiaRed]

From GeorgeGlass on October 31, 2019
 

Immunda

Your style of just one or two sentences per paragraph is unusual, but it didn't really bother me. Although some of the sentence fragments did (eg, "A disturbing warbling laugh").

I like the expression "Gods pass me by."

Lots of Halloween-appropriate imagery. I think the most vivid was the burnt baby crawling out of the hole, "gurgling happily as its blackened flesh crackled."

The Mortane Pantheon runs on appeasement.  Each requires specific sacrifices for the privilege of being… Unmolested. A privilege they can(and do) revoke at whim. Or to be even bigger jerks “Give” Their favored to another member. So even if you do appease one for the moment. Well, you didn’t appease another and the cycle continues. Being favored is largely seen as a fate much worse than death.

“Gods pass me by”

Is the closest to prayer all the inhabitants know. They’re pleading for the gods to ignore them. The lucky few who manage to flee Mortane are struck by a hardline cultural differences. Highly superstitious, Largely illiterate and dangerously xenophobic. Meeting the larger world and surviving is a challenge. But those who survive all share one thing in common they dare not return.

Otok- child sacrifice by immolation, The burning of knowledge and places of learning.

Zuqvi- Her appeasement requires the ritual murder of adults by children.

Xiljh- The child must slay the parent they love most while it watches and then let it drink from their youthful heart-blood.

Vzfeb- The willful spread of sexual disease and the brutal execution of healers.

Etc…

[InvidiaRed]

From InBrightestDay on January 01, 2020
 

Powdered Sugar

This was fun!  It actually kind of reminds me of tcr's Halloween story, in that this is a world where characters from every religion/mythology interact.  I liked how you just called Logan a giant in the beginning, and combined with the "Semper Fi" shirt I just assumed he was a Marine who was tall.  It was only later, when Odin showed up as Santa and Logan bolted, that I realized that "giant" meant Jotun.

Speaking of Odin, I'm seriously impressed that Duncan could just shoo him out of the house like that.  Kind of makes me wonder who or what Duncan is.

That actually brings me to the only part of the story I didn't understand.  Duncan explains he doesn't like Christmas, and then this exchange happens about colonization, killing messengers, Duncan not liking Jesus but thinking that he's a being of hope, unlike his father (Duncan's father or God?), and it all really felt like there was a huge backstory here that I wasn't aware of.  Does this take place in one of your other story universes?

Sorry if that sounded harshly critical.  Overall, this was still quite a fun little read!

 

It is vaguely related. This particular setting is an Urban Fantasy one and TCR’s impressed me enough to give it a nod or two.

You caught me. I tried intentionally to make Logan a regular man but I couldn’t help myself. I slid that in once and tried to make it so it seemed Logan was afraid of Namtar. Aka the envoy of Ereshkigal. Aka Death/ Fate.  But nope. He’s a jotun and it’s well known that Aesir and them don’t get along.

Duncan is a tutelary deity and at one point his name was Ninazu. The once patron god of Eshnunna before Tishpak became its patron deity and his worship forgotten. It’s one of the nods to the Halloween story of tcr’s and why one of the reasons he knows about what went down besides being a god of the underworld. Ningishzida is sometimes his son. Which is why he knows Zida is a terrible liar. It also the reason why he can shoo Odin out of his home. He’s got a lot of other deities beat in terms of seniority. And quite understandably he’s seen some shit and had to live through it.

As the lord who stretches the measuring line over the fields.  He’s been around since before agriculture became a thing. Old enough to be forgotten but too stubborn to just give up and stay in the underworld. Empires have came and went. His prime was before the codes of hammurabi were written after all. 

In summation, Yes it does in UF1-X2

 

[InvidiaRed]

From JayDee on January 01, 2020
 

Powdered Sugar by InvidiaRed

Thought I might manage the fastest review! Ahh well.

I see you managed warm and fluffy with a couple of hard men after all! I mean, giants are tough no matter how bad the sweater, and scaring off that jolly visitor suggests Duncan is a bit hardcore too. When It started with the baking I did wonder if it might end up a bit like one of those recipe blogs, with the full cooking instructions around a long story. I may have been on too many recipe blogs.

I liked the interaction between Duncan and Logan especially. Warm fuzzy newlyweds having their first Christmas. Trusting/relying on each other. Sort of curious as to just how much bigger Logan is, like is penetrative sex an issue?

Duncan’s dislike of the whole Christian side of things is very clear. With “turkey shoot that was the end of the messengers." Would that be messengers as in angels, as in they’re all massacred in this setting? Reminds me a little of the end of the original Preacher comics, where the host got in the way of the Saint of Killers…

One bit I did have a little trouble following – it looks like a line may have been accidentally cut out?

Duncan hummed amused

the ice that cracked the entire engine block of Logan's commanding officer's vehicle. That, however, was entirely him. The ice had somehow just snaked in there and just ruined it. What a terrible thing to happen just when the insurance ran out.

I’m assuming it’s somehow related to a ice/frost giant story, but it feels like something is missing?

Aside from that, much more solid contribution than mine given we both had trouble doing something and an enjoyable read and nice call backs to the Halloween story!

You assume Logan is the top but yes Duncan can take it.

It’s not the first time he’s been impaled and he just prefers being under 5’3 while Logan is over 6’7.

Angels in this setting were just another supernatural race. Dedicated to worshiping “The One True God/Creator of Creation TM” In a world where “gods” are veritably real and had a rigid moral absolutism that outright doesn’t work in a world of gray. Well that and when they found other gods they attempted a campaign of extermination. And older things in general do not tolerate newcomers especially ones who murder their descendants for the crime of existing.

And being in line with other gods who not only are war gods but ones with the combat experience to back that war god attitude.

Duncan did not take the arrival of the angels well.

And forcing that zealous absurdly rigid dogmatic ideology on humans only reaffirmed his decision. Angels were fast becoming that tyrant boot stamping on humanity’s face forever.

He had lost too much at that point and it did not help matters that a deity had adopted the angels and their religion.

Their extermination campaign backfired and by the time the saner, more sagely and diplomatic gods realized what was going on.

It was far too late to stop by the middle ages the last angels attempted to either hide among humanity or at least sue for peace. 

If there are survivors they’re perpetually looking over their shoulders not daring to reveal what they are lest Duncan or one of the others find out and take them out with extreme prejudice.

There’s simply put too much bad blood and even worse memories involved.

The younger gods just didn’t understand why gods like Duncan acted the way they did until the second world war. In that total war mentality of us or them.

The Snowstorm is 100% all natural. 

Logan’s commanding officer may have unfairly blamed him for misfortune within earshot of Duncan.

UF1-X2 I will flesh out. Maybe next  holiday season.  Logan’s story is definitely interesting.

[InvidiaRed]

From InBrightestDay on January 17, 2020
 

Well, considering the effect Immunda had on me, there was no way I wasn't going to swing by and review this!

You do an interesting thing here with regard to Adala's perception of Mortane, which is that we don't actually see any of it for quite some time, instead being told of the seeping foulness of the place purely on a spiritual level.  Only later, when Adala enters her fortress, do we get the visual detail of grass beginning to grow.  It's a cool way of hinting at the way the gods perceive the world, using senses we don't have.

Another cool thing is the disparity between Adala's attitude and what's happening to her "body", a nice way of showing that the aspect is disposable and more of a divinely crafted tool than anything else.

Recapping the violation from the goddess's point of view is quite effective, showing how upsetting it is for Adala, and yet how in spite of her need to defend the fortress, she still wants Trias to call for her help, still wants to help her.  And that description of the sun being replaced by the moon and then the sun again, implying that this went on for something like twelve hours...

Yeah, no wonder Adala wants to rally her fellow deities for war.

I am definitely on board for this, and will be checking up on it in the future!

 

You are too kind <3

Aspects are indeed tools. Think of it as the ability to isolate, refine and focus a specific part of a a person’s personality. Until, that facet of a person’s personality is the defining trait. Independent but also connected to the divine whole of that person. This is the reason why gods are not confined to a single place. destroying or imprisoning an aspect doesn’t affect a deity other than essentially break or confiscate a tool. Their task is their purpose and when that purpose is finished they return to the fold.

The other aspects of the deity doing other tasks will instantly know what happened and investigate. Any would be godslayer or would be jailer foolish enough to think it was that easy doesn’t survive the retaliation of the other aspects arriving. What one knows the god knows but not visa versa. So even if the slaying or imprisonment succeeds…. Well the deity in question undoubtedly knows who the perpetrator is. And if they decide to take offense and send an Avatar well… That world is so screwed. A nuke to take out an ant but hey they’re asking for it at that point.

A single aspect is still beyond mortal capabilities to take down. With only one known exception. The Lich King himself slew an aspect at the black gates of the Detestable Valley after a prolonged bloody war whose casualties includes flights of dragons, nations, artifacts of indescribable power and entire populations.

And this info makes Ghoulneedle much more interesting Haha. Spoilers =p But a hilarious thing of this. Is that treacherous deities all have one thing in common. They only have one aspect at a time otherwise. The aspects would be too busy backstabbing each-other rather than getting anything done. So they are limited in the same way lesser powers are except the destruction of an aspect doesn’t hobble them.

 

Adala empowers her Justicars. They’re more than mere mortals but while they may never be able to take on immortal servants of other deities they’re still a force to be reckoned with. They are the men and women who have taken Adala’s trials and tests and have been found worthy of her investment. She knows each and every single one as a doting mother to her favored child. Think of Knight/Samurai^.

Only her demon saints rank higher than them. Spiritually they are her adopted children. They dispense justice as impartially as possible. The wicked hate them. The deceptive rightfully fear them. Adala was right there and its a torment far more insidious in the fact she was in a position where she could do nothing but witness it. Like an invader breaking into your house, locking you out and attacking your family. Just close enough to hear what is going down but too separated to do  anything else meaningful and yes Adala was forced to endure this witnessing for twelve hours. And to a god who is practically omnipotent in the mortal realm. Unable to do anything about it is like a constant heart stab. Mortane didn’t just torture Trias but her goddess at the same time.

To say Adala took it personally is an understatement.

And like all web of alliances every god is going to get pulled into the fray one way or another.  To put this in another way this event is just like  Archduke Ferdinand was just assassinated. The spiritual opening shot of a deific world war.

[InvidiaRed]

From InBrightestDay on February 11, 2020
 

Well, we have some important world building here. Thank you

I like the idea of the forum where the gods meet, and that they only do so reluctantly.  I am interested in the exact nature of the Nine Divines. The Noble Nine. Nine Divines, Are Adala’s pantheon. She’s 1/9^th. Their preeminence is the result of back breaking work and constant vigilance. Others tribes and pantheons view them range from staunch allies, to view them with envy, jealously to outright hatred. They’re not resting on their laurels. In the game of civilization. They’re winning and they’ve chosen not to hide that fact. The waypoints, way stations and roads they’ve encouraged mortals to build is simply too useful. The age of the wilds and the daunting wilderness is ending. Every road, every bridge, every junction, highway in some small way is an announcement of that fact. in a all roads lead to Rome sense. The fae will not go silently but they are going and they’re bleeding power,strength and numbers. Some are resigned, some are defiant but all know they had their apex, their age of supremacy within which they could even cow the gods. Not with a bang but a whisper. Unfortunately, for some they’re reaping the rewards of the ascendant gods. Who remember every insult they’ve been forced to accept. And the reckoning is not in the fae’s favor. 

Given the number of gods in Mortane, are they part of the nine, or are the nine only one small group of deities, the gods of order and civilization, who attend these councils, and the others don't participate? The noble nine are just one pantheon. The gods of order and civilization are the ones who tend to gather at the forum.  The gods of dark tend to be loners. Well at least until a pantheon or tribes likes them enough to adopt them into the fold. Kinda like how extroverts adopt introverts.

I love the imagery of the Mother of Angels wearing a galaxy as a dress; that's such a cool idea!  It's also nice seeing her affectionate attitude toward Adala, sort of similar to Adala's attitude toward Trias.  Similarly, I liked seeing the impact Trias's choice to worship Adala had on Adala herself; that it's flattering to her that Trias chose her out of all the deities she could have been a champion for. Imagine being chosen out of every human that exists. 7 billion people but out of those. You were the lucky one.

I'll admit I wasn't sure how big the Mother of Angels was supposed to be.  She produces the Angel of Death in the palm of her hand, which made me think she was huge, but then at the end she hugs Adara, which makes her seem roughly human size (or the same size as the other deities, anyway).  Granted, as a goddess, she could just shrink or grow as the situation requires. The Mother Of Angels is deliberately holding back. Those divine senses can only do so much. She towers over them not just in a physical sense but a metaphysical one as well. The galaxy dress is the only hint she’s giving. She’s measured in light-years at the least. In Theopolis, She’s the closest one comes to true omnipotence. Her power is such that it hobbles her more than it helps. She can’t visit mortal universes even with aspects they are profoundly beyond her reach. Lest every star simultaneously supernova, the universe ruptures and the nothingness dissolves everything in seconds. Total vacuum collapse. 

So she mostly wanders the multiversal cosmos tending and visiting her angelic children. It is draining to hold back so the angel of death eventually just does the talking/ambassador duties.

I feel like some of the stuff in here, like the weird moon, is a reference to the other stories in this universe, like Ghoulneedle and Winterfall, though as I haven't read those yet I can't be sure. Not required reading but there will be major spoilers for those in the coming chapters.

I am curious about the "thrown into a star" thing.  The wording was a little vague, so is that Adala has thrown local spirits into stars for breaking the rules, or that the Mother goddess has thrown younger deities into stars over that? Adala is being an unreliable narrator on purpose. It’s standard procedure to imprison nonmortal beings but deliberately imprisoning them in the heart of a star borders on inhumane. by the time the star dies in the billions of years that would take quite effectively removes them and their influence on the world permanently. Death is messy for nonmortals and lesser powers and can pave the way for their resurrection and greater power.  Imprisoning them somewhere where they’ve been rendered powerless is a much better deterrent. Adala doesn’t pull her punches. And really is sapient sacrifice worth billions of years of crushing pressure and excruciating heat while the only thing you can do is scream?

Next up, it looks like the gods of this setting are somewhat limited in what they can see, so Adala's going to need evidence to get the other eight deities to go to war.  That means she's going to need some help, and we'll find out about this new godling next time.  Looking forward to it!

The gods see the world most clearly where their influence is greatest. Where every sense radiates for miles around it tapers off into a blurry fog of war of indistinctness. They can see landmasses as a map but this sense can be blocked by hostile to unfriendly deities and lesser powers. Where foggy nothingness is shown instead. The  Mother Of Angels saved her from embarrassing herself. Going into the meeting riding high on emotions and little evidence.

She has evidence. What she’s looking for is the smoking gun. The factual proof that she needs so the other gods will be forced to listen. All it takes is a little guesswork but its out there.  That last place anyone would look.

The shrinking frontier or  the dead marshes before The Detestable Valley.

[InvidiaRed]

From InBrightestDay on March 07, 2020
 

Alright, more world building, and the plot moves slowly forward.

I liked the interaction between Adala and the Harvest Queen.  It gives an interesting look at the history of the world, and how, like in Greek mythology, there was a dynasty before the gods, though in this case it was Fae instead of Titans.  It's also interesting to hear that things may be different in other solar systems.  Contrasting that with the Mother of Angels wore a galaxy as a dress, and that Adala throws immortals who break the sacred rules into stars, one would assume the gods have a wide-ranging sort of authority, but perhaps not.  Maybe there are different levels of gods, and the uppermost ones like the MoA have authority over multiple solar systems, but the lower levels are more restricted.

MOA isn’t even on the hierarchy in the mortal universes. She’s beyond them altogether but yes. She’s truly a multiversal tier. Mortal universes are destroyed when she attempts to visit them.She’s simply too immense. Think of this world as the local setting. There are definitely others but they are separated not just by distance but by expanses of space time far too large to be quantified.

Existence/ reality reacts strange around the gods. Who may or may not be consistent. For a holier than thou goody two shoes goddess healer of the world on one world may also be The merciless murder happy tyrant queen on another. Aka. Might be Sailor Moon on earth. But Führer Von Sauron on the world next door.

Or they will always be essentially the same person of the local sapient analogue.

Typically, a Galaxy will favor one of the lesser powers over the others. The rules of the reality will favor a type of power above others giving them a immense power boost. But even that isn’t entirely universal. A small difference in space time may mean one world may be ruled exclusively by dragon lords and the world next door ruled only by tentacular lords of ancient evil. Or even five worlds ruled by fae but their moons are the exclusive property of Archangels and Oni Shoguns. There are Small islands in a single galaxy where every lesser power is supreme might be vast expanses of space or just the size of a single solar system or even just a planet/moon. And within those islands even the gods must bow to their decrees.

When the gods won the war of creation. An inescapable consequence of their multiversal victory that is stamped on every mortal universe is that should the gods decide a world is of interest. The lesser powers will sooner or later lose that power boost leaving them almost always at the top.

Anyway, back to the Harvest Queen.  In spite of the Fae being pushed back (and, it's implied, not having been the nicest rulers to begin with, what with Adala having been forced to suffer and bleed as tribute to them), it's nice to see the sense of mutual respect between these two, with Adala coming to Queen for wisdom, and the Queen entrusting her daughter to Adala's tutelage. Old Age’s wisdom is not to be underestimated. Though Spring being assimilated by life at its peak prime. Summer. And Winter vassalizing Autumn. Autumn exclusively has the venerable wisdom of the elderly without the debilitating effects of senility. Its also much more than mutual respect the queen was Adala’s old flame. And even now with her court slowly succumbing to Winter. The Harvest Queen’s wisdom continues to bear fruit.

Then we reach a place you've mentioned before, and that I know features in your other stories, but that I don't think I've ever seen before: the Detestable Valley.  So, level with me here: how much did Lord of the Rings influence you with this locale? While LOTR will always be near and dear to my heart. The Detestable Valley is more a monument to Blight-town (Dark Souls) And much more Valley of Defilement (Demon’s Souls) But, I cannot deny Mordor is one of its inspirations. If you mix it with Silent Hill. haha.)

I only ask because the Detestable Valley is a Place of Evil with a black gate in front of it, and in front of that is a dead marsh.  Mordor is a Place of Evil with a black gate in front of it, and in front of the black gate is the Dead Marshes.  It could be a coincidence, but I didn't know.

Now apparently our new character is in the area, but we don't get to see him yet.  Instead, and correct me if I'm wrong because I may not have read this correctly, he or she conjured a sphere of water and turned it into...basically blades, with water being fired out under such high pressure that it cut through the plant's the Witch's aspect, and apparently Adala's aspect as well.  For the record, I'm still getting used to the aspect thing, because I freaked out for a moment at the image of Adala getting sliced in half before remembering that that was just a tool.  Like I said, I'm still getting used to it She got minced.

Adala now knows what it feels like to be thrown into a woodchiper and or thrown into a blender. She was innately powerful enough that her divine power held her together much longer than instantly becoming mincemeat like Beldam. But even divine power cannot heal a vessel that’s been subjected to overkill. And while the deep sea whirling water cutter was excessive. He did manage enough control to trim the grass. While one may think it was an excessively vicious attack. There is however no excuse to have unkempt grass in one’s domain even if one of the intruders was indirectly responsible for its sudden appearance.

Adala didn’t bring her divine shield and didn’t bring reinforcements. Now she’s familiar with what being minced alive feels like for her lack of caution. Now she has to be cautious. The Godling in question just casually one upped The Lich King himself by taking out two aspects at the same time.  That’s not a paper tiger at all but a definite show of strength. He might be a godling but he’s got access to real power. Even Adala ignored the warnings but do note he didn’t attack until after his taboo was broken.

Anyway, presumably next time we'll get to meet this mysterious new godling! Massive spoiler for Ghoulneedle and Winterfell

Spoiler

The godling in question is in plain sight.

 

Edited March 8, 2020 by InvidiaRed
Clarity

[InBrightestDay]

On 3/8/2020 at 4:20 AM, InvidiaRed said:

Its also much more than mutual respect the queen was Adala’s old flame.

I did get a hint of that, but wasn’t sure if I was reading too much into it.

Quote

While LOTR will always be near and dear to my heart. The Detestable Valley is more a monument to Blight-town (Dark Souls) And much more Valley of Defilement (Demon’s Souls)

Ah, sorry for the mistake there.  If I’d played Dark Souls, it probably would have been a lot more obvious.  So does that mean there’s a spider girl in there that everyone feels really sad for?   I may not have played the game, but the Fair Lady (and the way players feel for her) is something I’ve definitely heard about.

Quote

While one may think it was an excessively vicious attack.

I mean, maybe a little, especially since he was reacting to...you know...grass.

Anyway, we’ll find out more about him next time, I presume!

[InvidiaRed]

3 hours ago, InBrightestDay said:

I did get a hint of that, but wasn’t sure if I was reading too much into it.

Ah, sorry for the mistake there.  If I’d played Dark Souls, it probably would have been a lot more obvious.  So does that mean there’s a spider girl in there that everyone feels really sad for?   I may not have played the game, but the Fair Lady (and the way players feel for her) is something I’ve definitely heard about.

I mean, maybe a little, especially since he was reacting to...you know...grass.

Anyway, we’ll find out more about him next time, I presume!

If only we could save her. Saint Astrea too. For fate was not kind but I can’t answer that without spoilers hahah.

If you want to see more of the culture of the detestable valley, Ghoulneedle and Winterfell do provide snippets. Winterfell does show more about it and does go far more in depth.

If you ever want to do a story in this setting. You’re more than welcome <3

You’ll get to see alot more of him next update. Won’t spoil but… Banquet. That’s all <3

[InvidiaRed]

---

• 
  From JayDee on March 17, 2020
   

  Talking a lot of sense there about the hoarding, that it shall pass, and the inadvisability of killing the critters during that last plague.

  Seemed a bit of a dick move to scare his husband though.

  Logan did ask and now he has to live with that knowledge of that particular name and incarnation. He was advised not to ask for another. Duncan can be a proponent of tough love and is unapologetic in that regard. Very much be careful of what you wish for because you might just get it.

• . Duncan revealed two names this story. One of Irish mythology and one norse. And both provide an interesting backdrop to the lore.

[InvidiaRed]

From ANON - awesome!!! on March 17, 2020
 

thanks for doing this for my prompt! i liked it and i am curious about duncans other names but i can probably figure them out. 

Message me and I’ll confirm or point you in the right direction. But I will not give you the outright answer. Its better when you already have the answer like the clever things you all are

[JayDee]

19 hours ago, InvidiaRed said:

---

• 
  From JayDee on March 17, 2020
   

  Talking a lot of sense there about the hoarding, that it shall pass, and the inadvisability of killing the critters during that last plague.

  Seemed a bit of a dick move to scare his husband though.

  Logan did ask and now he has to live with that knowledge of that particular name and incarnation. He was advised not to ask for another. Duncan can be a proponent of tough love and is unapologetic in that regard. Very much be careful of what you wish for because you might just get it.

• . Duncan revealed two names this story. One of Irish mythology and one norse. And both provide an interesting backdrop to the lore.

There’s tough love and there’s spousal emotional abuse! But I’m just getting that dick moved vibe from one snippet of two characters I know little about and I’m sure with more context it’s fine!

[InvidiaRed]

From InBrightestDay on March 20, 2020
 

Another story featuring a god and his Jotunn!

There's an element of somewhat dark humor here.  On the one hand, people are dying.  On the other hand, well, Duncan basically just got called in to work on his day off (the struggle is real).  It made me smile.

Another thing I found funny was just the idea of Duncan reacting to Logan's "drink of the gods" line.  The image of an actual deity blowing a raspberry is hilarious.

Also...

"I'm still sore from last night." Duncan's eyes slitted.

"Did you enjoy it?" He asked. Logan nodded.

"I did-"

"Then walk it off." Duncan dismissed. Logan whined.

Well, guess they do it pretty rough then.  I mean, I guess between a god and a giant, that's bound to happen.

"Did you have to throw the javelin so hard?"

Is that what they're calling it these days?

Duncan responded tersely.

"Come now; I was holding back the last one I threw. It took the poor bastard one hundred and twenty years to die. His tomb lies at Brú na Bóinne!"

Wait, was he talking about something else?  This is the one part of the story I don't quite understand.  What is Duncan referring to there, about the man and the javelin and whatnot? Duncan is speaking in Double Entendres. Aka Double meanings or an expression with two possible meanings. Sex and Sparring. Duncan is also giving up a name if you know your irish mythos.

Finally, I'm very curious about the name he gave Logan.  It obviously scared the crap out of him, which really makes me wonder.  Duncan MacLeod of the clan MacLeod (cue Princes of the Universe)?  Kidding on that one, of course, but obviously Duncan's gone by many names, so I'd imagine he gave Logan a rather famous one.

Or rather an infamous one. If you know your Prose Edda. Both names are massive spoilers but I will give a hint in the sentence after he warns Logan not to ask for another name. When you get them message me. And I’ll confirm or deny.

[InvidiaRed]

From JayDee on April 01, 2020
 

Solid summary there. “Overrun by the unrelenting dead” – hopefully not a prophesy of the current world.

Part 1 – Dawn of the Dead vibe, except with witch and wizard! I thought that bit near the start with the military falling back, the tide coming, the muggles still not going down without a fight was super evocative of zombie apocalypse fights. There’s a horde and Harry is lucky to be on the roof. I nailed what I was going for then

I also really enjoyed trying them trying the different spells on mangled arm security guy and naturally Hermione finds something that works, but it feels very much like something that would work for a zombie – restrain ‘em! Fear of the unknown can make things scarier than what they are. Well considering what story it is. Finding what works is paramount. They’ll get better at it.

I’ve also always appreciated a good “disarming” gag! Thanks

A couple of broomsticks would presumably deal with that only-on-second-floor issue once the escalators are out, but if they don’t have them…

Naturally disappointed that Erecto is for the tent rather than a cock…. Ok, ok, one dick joke here. At least I didn’t mention tent pegging. Wait. Shit.

Any negatives… There’s a few typos I guess! Got ‘be’ for ‘before’ – with it being a while since you wrote it you might well spot ‘em reading through now.  

X.x I’ll look it over.

[JayDee]

I always like to hear when folks spot typos in my stuff – I’m completely oblivious sometimes!

[InvidiaRed]

From JayDee on April 02, 2020
 

Part 2 – First comes the violence, then comes the sex!

The unseen Bellatrix feels very much in character. Crazy. Violent. Hanging out in men’s restrooms and making things explode. Heck of a mental image on that poor janitor. Then again, he may have had it coming. Blowing brains everywhere does stop a zombie.

Now with the guy from the tent – I think that is an OC? I don’t remember them as a character, while going with the name Argus in this setting gives me a mental image of Filch on his knees blowing Harry. Which actually works. Don’t tell the cat. Having shaken both that, and a many eyed Greek guy out of mind I found I could envisage Mr Valentine pretty well.

Noticeably shorter wand… heh, I’ll never not see a double entendre in wand length comparisons. I’m sure many readers are the same.

The BJ was hot! Harry a little nonplussed, on  a rooftop, just getting drained like that is a fun image. Surprised it hasn’t proven more popular really!

Muggletum Finivi 

Is a whenever upload definitely not dead. But I find Tarnished Lion and My original stories take up the most time.  Its both a double entendre and very compliant with HP’s wandlore. His personality has something lacking.

Sex scenes for me are personally the hardest to write.

[InvidiaRed]

On 4/1/2020 at 12:35 PM, JayDee said:

I always like to hear when folks spot typos in my stuff – I’m completely oblivious sometimes!

actually, I can’t find that particular typo x.X

[JayDee]

15 hours ago, InvidiaRed said:

actually, I can’t find that particular typo x.X

Harry briefly perused it be he handed it off the Hermione.

I figured meant to be before, also is the ment to be to?

[InvidiaRed]

From JayDee on April 03, 2020
 

Part 3! Curiously chapter numbered part 2. Part one a prologue?Indeed it is.

Well, no sex here but a little violence! I jumped when the hand smacking the door. Worked like a movie jump scare that. There was also a line I really liked “It screeched in a manner of a thing that dwelled in cold and dark being forced into warmth and light.” That’s good stuff that is! That was an impromptu thought I was gonna take it out but ended up leaving it in.

The duel with Henry… well Harry wasn’t gonna lose was he? I guess it has some implications later? Funny thing, Harry gets used a nick name for Henrys, like that Prince Harry guy being a Henry. Is that a hint of a connection between them? Nice to see Harry not being a dick about it though. There’s always that feeling that James would have been. While, Harry can be a but of a dick. They’ve all been manhandled by a death eater dominated ministry of magic. Harry wants to be different from the ones who imprisoned them and make no mistake it is a prison. They’re sacrificial lambs and Harry is the only one who knows the true details of it. As part of the deal he made.

At least kill it with fire still works. “Zombie has burning sensation after bondage game” possibly not quite the right headline.

 

Edited April 3, 2020 by InvidiaRed
Clarity

[InvidiaRed]

8 hours ago, JayDee said:

Harry briefly perused it be he handed it off the Hermione.

I figured meant to be before, also is the ment to be to?

Found it

[JayDee]

That’s ok, I added a new typo to make up for it!

“is the ment to be to?”

[InvidiaRed]

9 hours ago, JayDee said:

That’s ok, I added a new typo to make up for it!

“is the ment to be to?”

Haha. Chapter and paragraph?