Flirting question

[Melrick]

This question is just for my own curiosity rather than for a story, and it’s one for the ladies.  Is it possible for a lady to subconsciously flirt with someone?  That is, if someone was videoing their interaction and the person watched it back they would say “Oh my god, I was flirting with that person and didn’t realise”.  Is this possible, or is flirting always a conscious decision?

[BronxWench]

It’s absolutely possible, and I’m quite sure I’ve been guilty of this myself more than once. I think it’s an entirely unconscious response to someone we find attractive, or interesting. We want them to like us as well, and therefore, we flirt.

[Melrick]

Well the reason I bring it up is because of something that happened to me recently.  I was at the hair dressers for my regular appointment and we were chatting like normal.  Long story short, I mentioned that I’m shy and awkward around women.  She was surprised by that because I’m fine with her, but I clarified that it’s if I’m romantically interested in the woman.  She stated that some guys whose hair she cuts sit there in silence and never say a word.  I pointed out that shy guys like me generally fall into two camps: we either babble and say shit we don’t mean so that the woman ends up walking away thinking we’re a weirdo (my personal tactic), or we shut up and say nothing through fear that we’ll babble and say shit we don’t mean.  So I said to her, “You’re very attractive (which she is) so the guys are probably intimidated by you and are too scared to say anything.”  She didn’t say anything in response, instead she tossed her hair so it all hung down over her left shoulder, instead of hanging down her back like normal, and sort of played with it a bit.  I didn’t think too much about it at the time, but later I thought about it and realised in the years she’s been cutting my hair, she’s never done that once.  And there were some other things that could be interpreted as flirting.

Now, it could be a meaningless gesture.  She could have did it deliberately in response to my compliments, or did it without realising.  She knows neither of us are single so I assume it wasn’t deliberate flirting.  I’m just curious about the hair thing.  And that’s all this is, curiosity, since I’m normally extraordinarily unobservant when it comes to women flirting with me.  I’m really not good with picking up on subtle hints!

[BronxWench]

She might have been flirting a bit, in light of your compliments. If you both are well aware neither of you is available, it’s also a “safe” flirt, which can be a great deal of fun. Flirting is one of those things that just releases endorphins, and just makes you feel better about yourself, and life in general. My advice is to enjoy the flirting, and flirt back, as long as you both know it’s simply in good fun.

[SparkyMuse]

If that was what can be considered “flirting” then it occurs to me I know absolutely nothing about flirting. While this was something I already knew, it seems I know less than I thought I did.

However, whenever I see something like that, I tend to think I’ve made somebody uncomfortable or made them think I’m attempting to flirt with them. While I have no intention of flirting with anybody, at least not conciously, I learned a long time ago that I have to be careful about what I say because I don’t always think about it first. I’m told I generally overthink things and that I usually get things wrong or know nothing about relationships, but basically, in that case it would sound more like you were flirting with them than they were with you. Although I could be wrong. In that case, it could be that she was nervous because she didn’t want to assume you were flirting with her intentionally and seem rude or concieted, or maybe thought you might have been flirting with her and just didn’t want to acknowledge it in hoping you weren’t. If she is taken, then she wouldn’t want to lose a customer or her job over a misunderstanding, so it could just be you potentially put them in an awkward situation.

Or, possibly, they were flirting with you. I have no idea. Wasn’t there, I don’t know much about relationships, if anything at all, and I’ve never actually been out on an actual date, so, honestly, I have no credibility there.