Snake_King's Story Discussion Thread

[Guest Heilbron]

8 hours ago, Praetor said:

     I had to roll twice to get that.  What it lacks in variety, it makes up for in options and can at least give you ideas (I don’t much care for The Dark).  They also have dragonkin and Asian Dragons.  I know it's late and unasked for but some thoughts.  For heroes, I'd suggest Link, Crash Bandicoot, Snake, or Futa Ivy.  For harem members; Ivy, Lulu, Cassie Cage, Power Girl, Jill Valentine or Storm.  There was a suggestion for an OC that consisted of a nerdy dude who was into magic.  I would recommend against this.  It feels self depreciating since I think we're all nerds who want harems and I don’t think it is a good moral.  There needs to be some kind of conflict and adaptation to be made so you can grow into a better person, not merely find a magic book.  It also feels cliche and banal, isn’t the nerd the star of most harem anime?  Which ties into another issue I have with the character’s stats being maxed.  If he can do everything equally well at the start then what’s the point?  I think there should be strengths and weaknesses to work around, at least at first.

     Between the Orc and the Drow I would choose the Drow but it ultimately depends on what deeper conflict you want to discuss, mankind's barbaric nature, primal instinct and history with such people or our capacity for darkness and subversion.  I personally would prefer to be a Drow or rather, Sepharoth, because of how iconic and cool that character is and looks.  I don’t really the more forceful approach to domination the Orc takes and would prefer using diplomacy, charisma and reason to sway others to my side.  I also like the dancing emote better.  Ultimately as long as you don't compromise on the monstrosity of the cock, I think either could work.  Which would be my problem with the Naga (where's it go?).  I do really like the Dragonbourn though, that’s a tough one.  It comes with a lot of great strengths and abilities but I would just prefer the more human and warped look and feel of the Drow.

Oh, shit, I never even thought of Link! He’d be a good fit, even though he’s more of a warrior than a wizard. But I decided to just make something different and instead have the MC of the Isekai story gain the magic instead. I could just have Link travel through other means, like gaining the triforce or something.

Also, the isekai story does have conflict, but nothing so profound. It’s more of the MC just trying to reach the heights he had in the previous game when he could literally conscibe demigods to fight for him Final Fantasy style (another reason to pick Seph-Drow). And now, despite his power, he’s still nothing in the eyes of society, almost like Saitama from One Punch Man.

Or maybe he does have all his stuff, but he’s going about it like Momonga from Overlord (which is what inspired me to make this story) and staying hidden till he knows what he wants and how to get it.

Or people know about him and assume he’s this Dark Lord looking to conquer the world, and all the other races either want to join him (Drows, Lizard/Dragonman, Demon Kin) or want to kill him (Humans, Elves, Orcs [because the dark lords usually take them first])

Also, I stumbled on these pictures drawn by one nipuni from Deviantart. Just look how good he makes the elves.

If they were beefed up just a bit, They’d be perfect.

[Guest Heilbron]

So, after some “umming” and “Ahhing”  I’ve decided to write for the Drow after seeing an artist called Demien from furaffinity.

Let’s see how this goes…

[Snake_King]

Hey guys.  I’ve been playing a game online called “Harem Heroes/Hentai Heroes” where you go into a fantasy world with loads and loads of anime, cartoon and game references, and collect girls as part of your harem.  During one their updates a while back, they gave a list of positions, one that we could probably find useful for when writing our stories if need be.  Here’s the list along with visuals:

[Snake_King]

You probably know by now which one interests me the most, but which do you guys like?   Just out of curiosity, of course.

[Praetor]

     Where’s the Amazon Position or Nursing Handjob?  Most of the ideas for positions in my works come from watching wrestling and those competitive dance shows.  My personal favourite is the Lotus Blossom but of the ones shown, Doggy.  Which I find to be a more visually stimulating and primal way to go.  It’s also quick, easy, and safe to do partially clothed.

[Snake_King]

6 minutes ago, Praetor said:

     Where’s the Amazon Position or Nursing Handjob?  Most of the ideas for positions in my works come from watching wrestling and those competitive dance shows.  My personal favourite is the Lotus Blossom but of the ones shown, Doggy.  Which I find to be a more visually stimulating and primal way to go.  It’s also quick, easy, and safe to do partially clothed.

1

You know, the ones you mentioned, I actually had to look those up, and the Lotus Blossom position was the only one that had any visual example to it, whereas the Amazon Position was only described, and I couldn’t find anything for the Nursing Handjob.

I guess that makes two of us with the Doggystyle position, although the picture doubles as that for sodomy, AKA anal.  I’m sure the majority of us here know that already, but I’m just saying it on the off-chance someone sees this and doesn’t know what the word means.  And yeah, I’ve always found it to be very stimulating to see.  Something about seeing girls/women with big butts and boobs getting plowed from behind just really gets me off, though I honestly can’t pin down why.

[Praetor]

     I think Amazon Position is relatively new, I have only heard about it recently.  Fawn is rather fond of it in L&PD.  It's an extremely female dominant position, which I am all right with.  Nursing handjob isn't really even a position so much as what happens when the partner helps out with the natural effect that breast suckling can have on anything with a penis.  Sodomy is an interesting word that traces back to the bible and has some serious legal implications.  I don't like to use it for that reason.

[Snake_King]

48 minutes ago, Praetor said:

     I think Amazon Position is relatively new, I have only heard about it recently.  Fawn is rather fond of it in L&PD.  It's an extremely female dominant position, which I am all right with.  Nursing handjob isn't really even a position so much as what happens when the partner helps out with the natural effect that breast suckling can have on anything with a penis.  Sodomy is an interesting word that traces back to the bible and has some serious legal implications.  I don't like to use it for that reason.

1

Thanks for the visual on Amazon Position, and yeah, I’m fine with it too.  My only concern regarding it would be the tiredness of the legs, thighs, and hips after a while if they went at it a while.

As for Nursing Handjob, I’m guessing that it involves the female getting breast-suckled by the male while she gives him a hand job?

And yeah, I understand what you mean about the implications of using the word sodomy.  Probably better for us if we just refer to the action as Anal, which Doggystyle allows for better positioning in doing than others, in my opinion.

[Snake_King]

New Chapter of “Ben 10: A Bend In Reality.”  No lemon this time because it was getting too long, but I’m saving it for the next chapter.  In the meantime, let me know what you think of this one.

[Guest Guest, maybe writer]

hello folks, long time reader, newbie writer in this regard. don;t even have an account yet. excellent works from the lot of you, and thank you for everything you’ve done for us so far.

i do have a thought for a storyline or two and would like your opinion on them though. i tend to like slow builds, but i’m trying to get outside my comfort zone with these, so any advice is fine.

 

first, digimon tamers: while returning from the digital world the three mains (plus jerri and maybe susi? maybe) and their digimon crash through a corrupted data cluster…. a porn video. as a result the characters overlap with their ‘data’, and when they get home they wake up to find themselves turn into over-sexualised veriosns of themselves. except takato, who lucked out and got the part of the male lead…. which means naturally that they all are interested in him, though they don;t realise it yet. maybe give in right away, maybe slowly work things out, then all make a move

 

second, Aladdin x jasmine x sadira (alladin the series) Genie has an idea for a birtday gift for Aladdin, he can't make people fall in love, but if they're already in love there's a pretty big loophole. aka aladdin find jasmine and sadira trying to out-seduce him from each other, before both going for broke. neither find they mind.

 

third, teen titans (or young justice). they face a villain who curses them to turn into bimbos unless they can defeat her, and technically because he landed the last blow only robin defeated her. it’ not automatic either, things go wrong final destination style to get each of them. alternatively, a villain curses them all into bimbos bound to first man they lay with, rigging the curse to wait until a certiain number of people are in the tower so it will get them all… but robin’s running late and blackfire makes an unexpected assault, so sh triggers the curse with them instead, just in time for robin to find them, or alternatively them to find him.

 

fourth, danny phantom. during a christmas truce party, danny notes that sam, paulina and valerie have been icy towards each other recently and wishes the girls intereted in him would ‘work something out’. a drunk desiree overhears and grants the wish in a way she didn’t intend.

 

fifth, a take on the rwby comic ‘the ultimate semblence’ which is sadly taken down now. basically jaune turns people into bimbos with his presence

[Hide_My_Sins]

8 minutes ago, Guest Guest, maybe writer said:

second, Aladdin x jasmine x sadira (alladin the series) Genie has an idea for a birtday gift for Aladdin, he can't make people fall in love, but if they're already in love there's a pretty big loophole. aka aladdin find jasmine and sadira trying to out-seduce him from each other, before both going for broke. neither find they mind.

I would like to see some Jasmine x Aladdin x Sadira OT3 stories.

[Guest Guest, maybe writer]

I know! how has no-one done any?

[Snake_King]

On ‎5‎/‎10‎/‎2018 at 11:41 AM, Guest Guest, maybe writer said:

hello folks, long time reader, newbie writer in this regard. don;t even have an account yet. excellent works from the lot of you, and thank you for everything you’ve done for us so far.

i do have a thought for a storyline or two and would like your opinion on them though. i tend to like slow builds, but i’m trying to get outside my comfort zone with these, so any advice is fine.

 

first, digimon tamers: while returning from the digital world the three mains (plus jerri and maybe susi? maybe) and their digimon crash through a corrupted data cluster…. a porn video. as a result the characters overlap with their ‘data’, and when they get home they wake up to find themselves turn into over-sexualised veriosns of themselves. except takato, who lucked out and got the part of the male lead…. which means naturally that they all are interested in him, though they don;t realise it yet. maybe give in right away, maybe slowly work things out, then all make a move

 

second, Aladdin x jasmine x sadira (alladin the series) Genie has an idea for a birtday gift for Aladdin, he can't make people fall in love, but if they're already in love there's a pretty big loophole. aka aladdin find jasmine and sadira trying to out-seduce him from each other, before both going for broke. neither find they mind.

 

third, teen titans (or young justice). they face a villain who curses them to turn into bimbos unless they can defeat her, and technically because he landed the last blow only robin defeated her. it’ not automatic either, things go wrong final destination style to get each of them. alternatively, a villain curses them all into bimbos bound to first man they lay with, rigging the curse to wait until a certiain number of people are in the tower so it will get them all… but robin’s running late and blackfire makes an unexpected assault, so sh triggers the curse with them instead, just in time for robin to find them, or alternatively them to find him.

 

fourth, danny phantom. during a christmas truce party, danny notes that sam, paulina and valerie have been icy towards each other recently and wishes the girls intereted in him would ‘work something out’. a drunk desiree overhears and grants the wish in a way she didn’t intend.

 

fifth, a take on the rwby comic ‘the ultimate semblence’ which is sadly taken down now. basically jaune turns people into bimbos with his presence

Interesting ideas, although I do have some questions about them.

On the first, does that mean that Henry becomes a girl due to the whole thing?  Takato wasn’t the only boy of the main three.

The second one seems good, although I’m assuming that this scenario is Genie’s idea?

With the third, I’m guessing this also involves some gender-bending because, like with the first, there were more guys on the team than girls.  Is that it?

The fourth one I think I get, although you might need to have a reason for WHY they’re all at this get-together in the first place.

As for the fifth one, I think I like this one best, although it does bring up the gender-bend question again.  Admittedly, though, RWBY’s not as bad since there are plenty of female characters in it.

[Snake_King]

So, I’m guessing that because I said that there was no lemon that I’ve turned you all away from the chapter?  I ask because no one has commented on it or even given me a review yet.

[Praetor]

     Don’t angst over a lack of reviews.  Look, the dragon prints are ticking up, so people are reading.  Sometimes absence is golden, most of my comments are from the moderators telling me to fix my tags and disclaimer.  On that note, the only real complaint I have, is with the disclaimer.  It strikes me as immature and needlessly hostile.  Who are you arguing with?  I’m just here for a good time, why am I getting yelled at??  It’s literally the first thing a reader will see, just be curt and professional.  Beyond that I think we discussed the draft in secret conversations so I don’t really have anything to add.  It’s a straightforward mostly exposition chapter with no real big twists or reveals.  Don’t write for reviews, just write for yourself and everything will turn out fine.

[Snake_King]

2 minutes ago, Praetor said:

     Don’t angst over a lack of reviews.  Look, the dragon prints are ticking up, so people are reading.  Sometimes absence is golden, most of my comments are from the moderators telling me to fix my tags and disclaimer.  On that note, the only real complaint I have, is with the disclaimer.  It strikes me as immature and needlessly hostile.  Who are you arguing with?  I’m just here for a good time, why am I getting yelled at??  It’s literally the first thing a reader will see, just be curt and professional.  Beyond that I think we discussed the draft in secret conversations so I don’t really have anything to add.  It’s a straightforward mostly exposition chapter with no real big twists or reveals.  Don’t write for reviews, just write for yourself and everything will turn out fine.

Sorry about that.  I shouldn’t have said what I did.

About the disclaimer, I was just a bit worried because I’d done something similar with a Naruto fic a while back and someone reviewed while practically called it the worst thing ever.  Plus, you can never tell with some people, especially on the internet.  However, I see your point, and I’ll try to have it removed.

I honestly didn’t know how the dragon prints system worked because I couldn’t find anything that explained what it meant.

[Praetor]

     It’s the same as hits or views.  Anytime someone opens the page with your fic on it, that’s one hit.  You can edit the disclaimer in the story info section of the control panel.

[Snake_King]

Thanks for the clarification.

Apologies again, but I misunderstood what you meant by the disclaimer.  I thought you might’ve meant the Note section at the top, but now I know better.  As for why it was written that way, I was just pissed at how I would often get the whole schpeel from someone telling me to say that I don’t own something or make any profit from it.  Namely, the pissed part was because...well, I thought it was obvious and that they shouldn’t have to tell me to say that stuff.

[Snake_King]

Regardless, though, it’s been edited and less hostile now.

[Praetor]

     It’s mostly just a legal courtesy to avoid nastiness in the heavily regulated times we live in, though people writing fan fiction on Patreon are clearing a surprising amount of money.

[Snake_King]

2 minutes ago, Praetor said:

     It’s mostly just a legal courtesy to avoid nastiness in the heavily regulated times we live in, though people writing fan fiction on Patreon are clearing a surprising amount of money.

True on both accounts.

[Guest guest, maybe writer]

sorry i’m late.

For the second, yes it was genie’s idea, but he got it by overhearing jasmine and sadira having a friendly meet-up and discussing it that left them both feeling down. the two were becoming much closer friends towards the end, but sadira couldn’t let her feelings go, so it makes some sense. this one has potential to actually build a relationship story from, or just go for it. either way.

for the fifth, actually no. it was only the girls in that one, while he did it on purpose in the comics i would propose it was an accident here, and that he was unaware of it at first, allowing for comedic juxtaposition. the girls also  initially don’t remember it, leading to wackiness or just embarrassment.

The christmas truce is actually a canon reason for all the ghost’s to be in one place, as the ghosts have been shown to gather, and if there wasn’t a party danny could very well START one to keep them contained. it makes a lot of sense. this one as a lot of canon backing it actually, as sam, valerie, paulina, and even ember are confirmed to be at least crushing on him, so much that the canon ‘10 years later’ design for ember includes shaving his logo into the sides of her hair. I was going to throw in desiree too. Have ember comment that she’s everyone’s ‘if i had to choose a girl’, making it easier to agree.

the other two did, in fact involve gender bending… apologies if that’s not your thing, but largely i wanted to see if i could have a reason fr it to happen. an all-girl team with one male is an attractive concept you understand, and female fill-ins would be interesting. I may have been confusing you with Praetor when assuming you’d be the one to ask. though i do appreciate your input

henry would be changed, due to being overwritten by one of the females, and would panic a bit over it. he would be comforted by the presence of a friend in this time and slowly develop a crush, due to the ‘porn logic’ being programemd into them. he would be the most level headed as usual, but it’s mostly for show now,. so would guilmon, who’d play up her naivety only in an attractive idiot form. 

The titans would each get a chapter from their pov, showing what’s happening to them and playing it for as much erotica as possible. It all happends rouhly over the same time period; it starts with starfire entering tanderian heat much earlier than she should which causes her to adopt a more attractive physique, then blackfire getting caught in it as part of a ‘pack’ to her surprise. raven tries to meditate on it but finds a new emoticlone which influences the others, beast boy notices something weird going on with his shapeshifting, when he gets more and more feminine, and cyborg powers down for the night to run mainenence, only for something to over-ride his schematics, giving him a full remodelling.

 

apologies for not giving you the chapter review you deserved. thanks for putting your work out there for us.

 

I do like the story and where it’s going, and i like the descriptions. You do a lot to show, not tell, and i really appreciate that. thank you. ben’s method of getting to the new world was wuite funny, and made some sense, unlike a lot of stories. that makes it a lot easier to start, ccna’t tell you how many stories i put down because the setup irked me. I don’t mind waiting for lemons or no lemons, but a few things were jarring.

During aang’s unfreezing, i kept thinking katata had shown up earlier than she did, then she just seemed to come out of nowhere. Something to fix that could be a cut to katara and …. girl sokka, forgot her name…. with them noticing the light and saying it’s quite far away. that may just have been me gettin gmy head in gear though, so don’t overly worry. Aang’s… proposal at the end was a little startling, for two reasons. it came out of nowhere, and while i can understand the culture is probably different in your world it still didn’t have much of a buildup or seem liek something a girl aang would want with a stranger. maybe throw in some inuendo or comments that go over his head or some hungry looks.

second, the language. aang, even girl, parody aang, doesn;t seem the type to swear and it was very jarring. it’s tricky to think what an avatar culture person would say for that, but i recommend you try. That’s a very over-casual and ‘our earth’ thing to say. again, if you put more hints at it being a looser culture verbally and mentally, it might be easier to accept. not just the clothes, the language and things spoken of.

also, i think men exist in this world? i mean you mentioned them and that they were in the war, and i get sokka is a girl for harem purposes, but why are the fire-benders women? not a sexism thing it’s just the implication was that the women stayed so the soldiers were men, but they aren’t.

you didn;t describe the bust sizes of katara and femsokka, and that’s a good thing. it’s weird and distracting when it becomes part of every description, particularly since it comes off as mechanical and clinical. you do a good job using relatable terms that paint a good picture, filtered through beleivable reaction. I REALLY liked zuko’s description in a literary sense.

 

thank you

 

[Guest guest, maybe writer]

sorry for my spelling and grammar, i don’t know where my head is today

[Snake_King]

1 hour ago, Guest guest, maybe writer said:

For the second, yes it was Genie’s idea, but he got it by overhearing jasmine and Sadira having a friendly meet-up and discussing it that left them both feeling down. the two were becoming much closer friends towards the end, but Sadira couldn’t let her feelings go, so it makes some sense. this one has potential to actually build a relationship story from, or just go for it. either way.

For the fifth, actually no. it was only the girls in that one, while he did it on purpose in the comics I would propose it was an accident here, and that he was unaware of it at first, allowing for comedic juxtaposition. the girls also initially don’t remember it, leading to wackiness or just embarrassment.

The Christmas truce is actually a canon reason for all the ghost’s to be in one place, as the ghosts have been shown to gather, and if there wasn’t a party Danny could very well START one to keep them contained. it makes a lot of sense. This one as a lot of canon backing it actually, as Sam, Valerie, Paulina, and even Ember are confirmed to be at least crushing on him, so much that the canon ‘10 years later’ design for Ember includes shaving his logo into the sides of her hair. I was going to throw in Desiree too. Have Ember comment that she’s everyone’s ‘if I had to choose a girl’, making it easier to agree.

the other two did, in fact, involve gender-bending… apologies if that’s not your thing, but largely I wanted to see if I could have a reason for it to happen. an all-girl team with one male is an attractive concept you understand, and female fill-ins would be interesting. I may have been confusing you with Praetor when assuming you’d be the one to ask. though I do appreciate your input

Henry would be changed, due to being overwritten by one of the females, and would panic a bit over it. he would be comforted by the presence of a friend in this time and slowly develop a crush, due to the ‘porn logic’ being programmed into them. he would be the most level-headed as usual, but it’s mostly for show now, so would Guilmon, who’d play up her naivety only in an attractive idiot form. 

The Titans would each get a chapter from their POV, showing what’s happening to them and playing it for as much erotica as possible. It all happens roughly over the same time period; it starts with Starfire entering Tamerian heat much earlier than she should which causes her to adopt a more attractive physique, then Blackfire getting caught in it as part of a ‘pack’ to her surprise. raven tries to meditate on it but finds a new emoti-clone which influences the others, Beast boy notices something weird going on with his shapeshifting, when he gets more and more feminine, and cyborg powers down for the night to run maintenance, only for something to over-ride his schematics, giving him a full remodeling.

3

I can see a threesome developing between Aladdin, Jasmine, and Sadira, though how would the other characters react to the sudden changes?  Or would Genie put a magic spell on everyone else to make them act as though it's just a normal thing?

I think I like the idea of Jaune doing it by accident, as him doing it on purpose would turn him into something of a dick.

I see what you mean about the Christmas truce now, and it makes sense now.

As for the gender-bending thing, I’m okay with it as long as there’s a given reason for it to happen.  Although, usually, I’m okay with a guy being turned into a girl as long as its an adaptational thing.  By that, I mean I usually like it if the dude-turned-girl is a girl from the start of the fanfic.  However, I’m not opposed to a guy being turned into a girl within the story itself as long as it’s done in a way that doesn’t raise too many questions.

[Snake_King]

2 hours ago, Guest guest, maybe writer said:

Apologies for not giving you the chapter review you deserved. thanks for putting your work out there for us.

 

I do like the story and where it’s going, and I like the descriptions. You do a lot to show, not tell, and I really appreciate that. Thank you. Ben’s method of getting to the new world was quite funny, and made some sense, unlike a lot of stories. that makes it a lot easier to start, can't tell you how many stories I put down because the setup irked me. I don’t mind waiting for lemons or no lemons, but a few things were jarring.

During Aang’s unfreezing, I kept thinking Katara had shown up earlier than she did, then she just seemed to come out of nowhere. Something to fix that could be a cut to Katara and …. girl Sokka forgot her name…. with them noticing the light and saying it’s quite far away. that may just have been me getting my head in gear though, so don’t overly worry. Aang’s…proposal at the end was a little startling, for two reasons. it came out of nowhere, and while I can understand the culture is probably different in your world it still didn’t have much of a buildup or seem like something a girl Aang would want with a stranger. maybe throw in some innuendo or comments that go over his head or some hungry looks.

second, the language. aang, even girl, parody Aang, doesn't seem the type to swear and it was very jarring. it’s tricky to think what an avatar culture person would say for that, but I recommend you try. That’s a very over-casual and ‘our earth’ thing to say. again, if you put more hints at it being a looser culture verbally and mentally, it might be easier to accept. not just the clothes, the language and things spoken of.

also, I think men exist in this world? I mean you mentioned them and that they were in the war, and I get Sokka is a girl for harem purposes, but why are the fire-benders women? not a sexism thing it’s just the implication was that the women stayed so the soldiers were men, but they aren’t.

You didn't describe the bust sizes of Katara and fem!Sokka, and that’s a good thing. it’s weird and distracting when it becomes part of every description, particularly since it comes off as mechanical and clinical. you do a good job using relatable terms that paint a good picture, filtered through believable reaction. I REALLY liked Zuko’s description in a literary sense.

thank you

1

No need.  I shouldn’t have said what I did, to begin with, as it probably comes across as me being a whiny jerk, and I don’t want that.

Glad you like what I’m doing thus far, and yes, “show, don’t tell” is a writing rule that I make an effort for since not adhering to it can be one of the great sins of storytellers.  And basically, I’m going for a “Porn WITH Plot” type of thing here.

As for the abrupt arrival of Katara and Sokkara (fem!Sokka) in chapter 1, when I wrote the chapter initially, I was going to adapt the entirety of the first 2 episodes into it, with lemons and all, but I realized that that would be too long and would probably scare the readers away.  So, I split it up into multiple chapters.  But back on the subject of the girl’s arrival, I was honestly just writing mainly from Ben’s perspective, and in real life, encounters are always abrupt.  Admittedly, though I had considered writing a scene that was from Katara and Sokkara’s perspective but by the time I’d reached that point, I was a bit eager to move on.

True, though the language a character uses is not an easy thing to write, especially when you’re doing some world-building.  I wanted to establish that open-sexuality is a normal thing in this world, to the point where, for example, asking someone to blow you would be as average as asking for the time of day and other such things.

As for the men, a little clarification; men are a minority in this world, so women are the majority.  As such, there are some male soldiers, but most are female because, as I said, there’s only one boy in every 10 births.   Hope that clears it up.

Glad you liked my descriptions, as saying what a female character’s bust size is may require the reader to look up terminology and images if they don’t know that stuff already.

Thank you for the review, and I’m glad you used constructive criticism, which is always appreciated.