TCR's Review Response Thread

[Tcr]

Come Hell or High Water:

From 

ANON - AnoMolly

Good Story!! ٩(⁎❛ᴗ❛⁎)۶ cant wait for more!!

Well, I'm glad you're liking it.  I do apologize for the slow response, RL is beating me like a civvie in a boxing match.  But I have been working on 20 and hopefully it'll be up sometime in the next day.  :).

 

[Tcr]

Wow, page two…  Didn’t think I’d see that day come…  But no one’s here for me to ramble on…

Three reviews this time.  (It’s been a few weeks, I know, Mister Toaster…  Calm down...)

Hunted:

From Tahn: 

Interesting start, look forward to seeing how it goes.

Well, I do hope that you’ve continued to read and that I haven’t disappointed in keeping it interesting.  Thank you.

From InvidiaRed:

Quite enjoyable <3

Its not very often where the hunters are worse than those they hunt.

Well, thank you for that.  Hopefully it’s continued to be enjoyable and will continue to in the future.  I’m not going to lie, I was flip flopping through the entire spectrum of what I should do with the Guard.  (I mean, aside from what I already did with them...)  I guess the story itself made the decision for me and it just happened that way.

 

Blood Prize:

Also from Tahn: 

Neat, good sci-fi stories are rare here. Look forward to seeing where this one goes.

I’m starting to think I might have a fan .  Maybe…  lol.  And I try hard to keep my sci-fi good.  I was told something a long time ago by one of my teachers (...man, I sound like I’m an antique...)...  “Good science fiction isn’t about the technology or the time period, it’s about the people.”  And I try to abide by that...  Hopefully you keep reading and I don’t disappoint.

 

Thank you both for your reviews, they are much appreciated.

[Tcr]

I think this might be the cleanest the review shelves have been in a while, with the dusting I've been doing.

Another review for Blood Prize, from MonaMina:

 

This is really well written. More please❤️

Thanks for your comment.  I'm glad I've intrigued you enough.  Chapter 5 is now up (as of yesterday) and I have several chapters waiting to be edited and posted, so there won't be an end to it for a bit :).  Hopefully it continues being interesting.

Edited October 18, 2017 by Tcr

[Tcr]

Update:

Removed Death's Chase, Rebirth, and Hell Fall.

[Tcr]

Well, been a while since having to crack fingers here…

A two-fer from SinfulWolf (which, btw, thank you so much for), both on Hunted:

From SinfulWolf on July 30, 2018

I'll be doing another review later when I finish everything, but wanted to leave something for the first chapter to partially let you know you have a new reader. 

First off I'd like to mention that I rather enjoyed this as an opening. Set a bit of the state with bits of information, but not large info dumps that would have been boring. Small ones sure, and they might have been able to be trimmed down a touch... but it still worked here as establishing the setting.

I think my only real complaint for this chapter was the fight. It was so one sided and quick that I wasn't entirely sure why she was running and hiding in the first place. Perhaps because she tapped into that blood rage? If so I think it needs to be made just a bit more clear.

Still, greatly looking forward to reading the rest of this. Quite excited for it, gore and all.

 

I owe a vast majority of those ‘small’ info dumps (and this is a compliment, because I have a tendency to include massive info dumps...) to my beta there.  She’s constantly been getting me to cut back on some of the information I throw down and intercut it with the rest of the novel instead of in one eighty-line paragraph (...exaggeration, yes, but I’m sure it feels like that sometimes).  Admittedly, as you’ve said, the fight was one sided and that was intentional on my part, but perhaps too one sided.  It was intended to introduce the concept of the bloodrage in there, not to mention the Guard and Idun and Cheyenne, but also to show that a lack of cohesion within the group does lead to a rather quick and bloody end.  Although, as you said, probably would have been good to expand on that.

 

AND:

From SinfulWolf on July 30, 2018
 

Well... now I need to wait it seems. I'll be patient, I'm slow enough with my own work to pester others. But I rather enjoy this story. I like the growing relationship between the three. I love that you didn't go for a typical love triangle and that you're exploring a polyamourous relationship. There's so very few of those I find (Granted I am new to this site). I love the touch of history and using the Varangian Guard as the vampire hunters in the setting. It's also quite a switch, especially to vampire fans, to have the hunters being the 'villains'. And they are downright villainous. Some readers might not like this, but this is definately a "mileage may vary" kind of moment on how to portray the antagonists.

So things I've noticed though. Careful with the use of Gods' names. Later on you were using proper Roman Gods (Juno, Venus, etc.), but earlier you were using Greek Gods (Zeus being the first one to pop out at me). 

I really like that you're being very graphic with the violence. Love it. Vampires should be brutal, bloody, killing machines. And you've captured that with the arm rippings, decapitations, and disembowelments. It's fuckin awesome. My only real recomendation for the action scenes would be to perhaps slow down a touch. Sometimes there's so much happening, and your offering sometimes rather similar descriptions, that it can be difficult to see exactly what's happening. Put a little weight into the fights and kills, cause I'd really like to see what you come up with.

Another small thing I've noticed is that most characters who are straight in this story seem to be completely and utterly bigoted. Again, its your story, so I don't want you to change stuff there if that is your intention, but it is certainly something I've noticed and became somewhat glaring later on. Especially with the introduction of Shy's ex. It's a bit over the top, and I think some inclusion of more subtle bigotry can also really help sell the story of these three leading ladies as well.

All in all, quite enjoying your three characters. The different kinds of strengths and vulnerabilities they show, how they interact with one another. And I do quite enjoy the sex when it does show up. But story is queen here, and I'm in for the long haul. 

Looking forward to the next installment! 

Well, I’m glad to hear that you’re enjoying it, firstly.  And I’m glad you like the interactions and growing relationship between the three.  I was absolutely worried that I would have botched it drastically.  It’s a first venture into the polyamorous relationship dynamic, so it’s been one of those worrying things ;).  I do have a tendency to write in a more flipped expectations idea (ie: everyone’s heroes are the villains, et cetera), and I certainly love putting that spin on things.

I admit, I did come across the alternating Greek/Roman mythological names and corrected them in the master file.  As for the fights and violence, I’ve been told that the graphic natures of them are among some of my better work (and I have to agree).  And I certainly love the unabated violence that can be portrayed within them; I tried to use the violent tendencies of the Varangian Guard as a foil to the attempted gentler (well, when not provoked) nature of Lucretia and the rest.

For the hetero characters, I admit, I wasn’t too sure about what you meant, so I went back through and read over it again.  You do have a point here, though I never actually thought about it.  Indeed, I had almost forgotten about the Twobears until I read it again.  Rita was always written to be bigoted (and kind of based off someone I formerly worked with…  The ‘I accept everyone until I’m alone with people, then I’m a phobe, racist, et cetera).  Although, that didn’t quite come off as much as I had hoped, so you have a point with the subtlety (which, I admit, I’m not great at writing...).  Cheyenne’s ex was just a written jab at someone else I know, BUT we won’t go into that.  But yes, definitely have to work on the subtlety aspect…

And thank you, again, for your review.  It was definitely a refreshing and much appreciated (and unexpected) sight to wake to.

TCR

 

On a side note and completely shameless plug of my beta’s writing, if you’re looking for a good polyamorous relationship told in writing (not to mention just good writing, too), you should checkout PlagueClover (formerly CloverReef)’s story Cold Snap.

Edited August 2, 2018 by Tcr

[Sinfulwolf]

Your welcome, I do try to leave reviews. Tis only polite. And I shall have to go check out Cold Snap. I’ll tell them you sent me.

Though… I can’t seem to find them in the Archive.

Nevermind, found her.

Edited August 2, 2018 by Sinfulwolf

[Tcr]

Well...  I've apparently fallen behind in review responses...  Gotta crack the whip again...  But, to get back into it, let's start with the newest, from InBrightestDay on Last Full Measure.

From InBrightestDay on January 23, 2019
 

How has no one reviewed this yet?  Oh well; let's get started!

Chapter 1

I like the job you've done establishing the characters, Celeste in particular.  She's the badass, hurting veteran, which could have come across as cliched, but I think she's very sympathetic.  She's just been through a bad breakup in addition to whatever happened to her on Mars, and it's definitely easy to feel for her.

I am curious about the society of this world.  This line in particular made me wonder.

Her friend was unapologetically heterosexual, regardless of what a few other women tried to change and what guys seemed to want.

Does that mean guys want Lian to be gay?  "Unapologetically heterosexual" is another interesting choice of words, as it somewhat implies that heterosexuality is frowned upon or disliked in some way.  Lian's self-confidence is obvious, but it nonetheless makes me feel a little bad for her if prejudice about sexuality hasn't gotten better but simply reversed in the future.

Also...

“Think she ever got mistaken for a man?” a man’s voice asked.  Celeste looked over as she pushed the bar back up, seeing a group of three people passing her.  A raven haired man had been doing the talking.

A second man looked at her.  “Maybe.”

A blonde haired woman smirked before turning to look at the other two men in her group.  “I don’t know, have either of you?”

Was that an Aliens reference, by any chance?

The bit in the shower was hot, although depending on how this goes it might get really awkward for Celeste in a moment.

The only criticism I have is this bit:

“Cel?” Lian’s voice broke her thoughts.  She looked at her friend as Lian said, “Thank God, I was thinking you were broken.  Didn't want to call the medics.”

Celeste shook her head.  “I wouldn't.” She knew that anyone else would have called psychs for a Section 8 evaluation.  Not Lian, though; they'd known each long enough. Lian knew Celeste wasn't suicidal or crazy. Though she, herself, doubted Lian’s faith.

“Cel,” Lian’s tone was a scolding one and she knew what her friend was going to say.  “Be careful. That kind of talk with get you psych evaled, possibly Sec8-ed.”

Lian's worried about "that kind of talk," but all Celeste actually said was "I wouldn't."  Was there originally more dialogue there?

I'm definitely going to read the next chapter, though I'll admit I'm a little worried.  The phrase "the last full measure of devotion", after all, generally refers to dying in the line of duty.

 

How has no one reviewed this yet?  Oh well; let's get started!

To be honest, I'm surprised at how quickly the first review, yours, came.  So thank you, InBrightestDay, especially with the extreme self doubt I've been having lately, this was definitely a needed and welcoming sight.

I like the job you've done establishing the characters, Celeste in particular.  She's the badass, hurting veteran, which could have come across as cliched, but I think she's very sympathetic.  She's just been through a bad breakup in addition to whatever happened to her on Mars, and it's definitely easy to feel for her.

I'm glad you like them and definitely Celeste.  Although I wrote this first and had the Christmas Anthology entry long after, I was worried that Celeste may not be sympathetic, or have a hard time being as such.  And you'll definitely learn more about Celeste, her ex, and what happened on Mars as the story goes along.

I am curious about the society of this world.  This line in particular made me wonder.

Her friend was unapologetically heterosexual, regardless of what a few other women tried to change and what guys seemed to want.

Does that mean guys want Lian to be gay?  "Unapologetically heterosexual" is another interesting choice of words, as it somewhat implies that heterosexuality is frowned upon or disliked in some way.  Lian's self-confidence is obvious, but it nonetheless makes me feel a little bad for her if prejudice about sexuality hasn't gotten better but simply reversed in the future.

I will admit, it was a line I worried about including and perhaps shouldn't have.  It actually stems from a friend of mine, who would be asked to "go bi"...  Eventually they just said they were unapologetically heterosexual.  The scenario just worked around in such a way that I thought it worked in here (especially since I've seen or heard men talking about how the only thing "wrong" with someone was they weren't interested in other women).  So kind of combined it...  Not well, I think.  Lol.

Admittedly, the scenario of the flipped prejudice in regards to sexuality, an author, Mandela (I believe), in The Forever War explores that probably better than I could.

Also...

“Think she ever got mistaken for a man?” a man’s voice asked.  Celeste looked over as she pushed the bar back up, seeing a group of three people passing her.  A raven haired man had been doing the talking.

A second man looked at her.  “Maybe.”

A blonde haired woman smirked before turning to look at the other two men in her group.  “I don’t know, have either of you?”

Was that an Aliens reference, by any chance?

Definitely.  There's a few references to Aliens strewn about in here.  Firstly, because I love the movie.  Secondly, because it's been an inspiration for this one.  And I'm glad that it didn't pass by .

The bit in the shower was hot, although depending on how this goes it might get really awkward for Celeste in a moment.

You have no idea how happy I am to hear that.  Lol.  I'm not much of a sex writer...  (irony at its finest)...  And being the first attempt at a solo...  I was absolutely nervous at how it was going to be seen.

The only criticism I have is this bit:

“Cel?” Lian’s voice broke her thoughts.  She looked at her friend as Lian said, “Thank God, I was thinking you were broken.  Didn't want to call the medics.”

Celeste shook her head.  “I wouldn't.” She knew that anyone else would have called psychs for a Section 8 evaluation.  Not Lian, though; they'd known each long enough. Lian knew Celeste wasn't suicidal or crazy. Though she, herself, doubted Lian’s faith.

“Cel,” Lian’s tone was a scolding one and she knew what her friend was going to say.  “Be careful. That kind of talk with get you psych evaled, possibly Sec8-ed.”

Lian's worried about "that kind of talk," but all Celeste actually said was "I wouldn't."  Was there originally more dialogue there?

I'll admit, I think there was some further dialogue that I edited out with intention of returning, then completely forgot about.  I'll have to try to remember now.

I'm definitely going to read the next chapter, though I'll admit I'm a little worried.  The phrase "the last full measure of devotion", after all, generally refers to dying in the line of duty.

Well, Firstly, I'm pleasantly surprised.  I wasn't sure people would gather where the title was from.  It is definitely a foreshadowing title and one I hope lives up to its name.  Second, I'm glad you're enticed enough to read chapter 2, at the very least, and hopefully it continues to live up to expectations.

Thank you, @InBrightestDay, for your review.

[InBrightestDay]

10 minutes ago, Tcr said:

It actually stems from a friend of mine, who would be asked to "go bi"...  Eventually they just said they were unapologetically heterosexual.  The scenario just worked around in such a way that I thought it worked in here (especially since I've seen or heard men talking about how the only thing "wrong" with someone was they weren't interested in other women).

Oh, okay.  I guess a lot of guys want someone who’ll get into a threesome with another woman.

11 minutes ago, Tcr said:

Admittedly, the scenario of the flipped prejudice in regards to sexuality, an author, Mandela (I believe), in The Forever War explores that probably better than I could.

That might actually be what I was thinking of; it was some story where homosexuality was made mandatory (or close to it, at any rate) in an attempt to curb overpopulation.

Probably my favorite thing with regards to Celeste’s breakup, which I forgot to mention in the review, is this priceless line.

Quote

Celeste’s fists subconsciously clenched. Then she breathed and mentally counted to ten, breathing deeply as she relaxed.  Adara had made her choice, she'd have to live with it; Celeste just hoped it had fallen apart in a brutal, painful way.

It’s like “I’m cool; I’m calm.  I’m a mature adult and we both went our separate ways and I wish her well and I hope her relationship crashes and burns!”

It indicates that Celeste might have some anger issues, but I still thought the mood swing was kind of funny.

18 minutes ago, Tcr said:

You have no idea how happy I am to hear that.  Lol.  I'm not much of a sex writer...  (irony at its finest)...  And being the first attempt at a solo...  I was absolutely nervous at how it was going to be seen.

I know the feeling.  I remember the first time I ever had to write a sex scene.  It was terrifying.

[Tcr]

On 1/24/2019 at 12:15 AM, InBrightestDay said:

Oh, okay.  I guess a lot of guys want someone who’ll get into a threesome with another woman.

Well, I’m not saying every male out there wants it…  But I’m sure there’s more than a few who do.

On 1/24/2019 at 12:15 AM, InBrightestDay said:

That might actually be what I was thinking of; it was some story where homosexuality was made mandatory (or close to it, at any rate) in an attempt to curb overpopulation.

That’s the one, though I might have messed up the author’s name.  It’s been a while since I’ve read it (although I did several times).  And, funnily enough, was discussing it with a friend only a few days ago.  It’s definitely a good take on what might have happened, and he does explore the idea better than I could (I’m not that conceited, lol).  The only point that I was disappointed with that novel (and, admittedly, it was written at a time when this was… both the norm and nigh mandatory necessity) was the ending with the ‘magical cure-all medicine to revert everyone to ‘normal’’…  That left a sour note with me in what was otherwise a great novel.

On 1/24/2019 at 12:15 AM, InBrightestDay said:

Probably my favorite thing with regards to Celeste’s breakup, which I forgot to mention in the review, is this priceless line.

It’s like “I’m cool; I’m calm.  I’m a mature adult and we both went our separate ways and I wish her well and I hope her relationship crashes and burns!”

It indicates that Celeste might have some anger issues, but I still thought the mood swing was kind of funny.

LOL.  I’m glad you liked that part.  I debated it, that I know for sure, because I was thinking it would make her out to be such a bitch by adding that, but then it was like: Well, why not?  She's been cheated on, tossed away (so she sees it), and she…  Well, not going to give out a lot of spoilers, but yeah…  Celeste definitely has some anger issues when it comes to Adara, as you see in the next chapter.

On 1/24/2019 at 12:15 AM, InBrightestDay said:

I know the feeling.  I remember the first time I ever had to write a sex scene.  It was terrifying.

LOL.  My first sex scene written…  Oh God, that was awkward.  (Covers face with hand)…  Extremely awkward…  It worked in the course of the scene and the novel in general, but that was…  Unintentional…  lol.  And it definitely terrified me as to what people would think about it.  I’m still nervous when it comes to scenes involving intimate actions, I’m always doubting how well it will turn out…  Or if it’ll be disappointing…  lol.  But thank you.

[Tcr]

A second review on Last Full Measure.  I think I might have another fan, and I’m more than glad  .

 

From InBrightestDay on January 24, 2019
 

Chapter 2

Good news for Celeste, that bit getting caught in the shower wasn't nearly as awkward as it could have been, and luckily for her Tirsa seems to actually be interested!

I like the banter between Celeste and Lian.  There was some of it in the last chapter, but I like the stuff here about speaking in French specifically because she knows Lian can't understand it.

And then the story gets dark.  I really feel for Celeste here.  A lot of people suffering from depression, especially if they blame themselves for something (I'm assuming Celeste blames herself for her daughter's death), often have a hard time reaching out to others for help, and it's clear that Celeste's mother, whatever her faults may be, genuinely wants to help (more than can be said for her father with that "Lauriers don't cry" bullshit), but Celeste keeps it to herself.

I guess she wants to remain in the military, which raises the alarming possibility that she's hoping to end up KIA.

A final note on something I forgot about last time: I like that you called it Orpheus Station.  Given that Celeste has a lost love (a daughter, but still), the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice, about losing someone and wishing you could have them back, has special resonance here.

 

Again, thank you @InBrightestDay, for another review, it is greatly appreciated and I’m glad you’re enjoying it so far.

Good news for Celeste, that bit getting caught in the shower wasn't nearly as awkward as it could have been, and luckily for her Tirsa seems to actually be interested!

I’m kind of hoping that she doesn’t come across as ‘too’ interested.  lol.  There’s a little tidbit of Tirsa’s character down the line (in Chapter 4) that might counter that…  Which would be bad considering…  lol.

I like the banter between Celeste and Lian.  There was some of it in the last chapter, but I like the stuff here about speaking in French specifically because she knows Lian can't understand it.

I’m glad.  I was really hesitant about keeping the non-English elements of the story (Celeste’s Quebec French, another character’s occasional Serbian, et cetera) as it seemed like a lot of people I’d talk to, here and elsewhere, seemed to be against having those elements within.  Emphasis on seemed, lol.  But I wanted a more…  I guess, authentic feel to the characters, in that they will speak their native languages occasionally.  And I’m glad you liked their banter.  Apparently, dialogue isn’t always my strong suit.

And then the story gets dark.  I really feel for Celeste here.  A lot of people suffering from depression, especially if they blame themselves for something (I'm assuming Celeste blames herself for her daughter's death), often have a hard time reaching out to others for help, and it's clear that Celeste's mother, whatever her faults may be, genuinely wants to help (more than can be said for her father with that "Lauriers don't cry" bullshit), but Celeste keeps it to herself.

I guess she wants to remain in the military, which raises the alarming possibility that she's hoping to end up KIA.

This was actually an element recommended to me from a few different people and through several days, and weeks, of research into combat veterans, so I do hope I’ve done them at least some honour there.   I won’t go way out and spoil everything, but she certainly does blame herself for her daughter’s death and the reasons for that event happening in the first place are, indeed, her fault.  The events are actually taken up in the Christmas anthology and will eventually be discussed in the story itself.  She does hide her emotional turmoil from others (via, mostly, the workouts), but it does come out (such as the case with Adara and the anger there.  And it’s funny that you bring up General Laurier’s line.  He is a hardass, but, at least I hope, in the course of the story, it does come across that he does actually want to help (and does love) Celeste, he’s just not…  one of those ‘highly emotional’ (which I’ve kind of based off a familial relation in my own life…).  And, yeah, Celeste wants to remain with the United Earth Marine Corps and she definitely has a self-destructive lean towards herself and others…

 A final note on something I forgot about last time: I like that you called it Orpheus Station.  Given that Celeste has a lost love (a daughter, but still), the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice, about losing someone and wishing you could have them back, has special resonance here.

I’m really glad that some of the more… subtle elements of the story are being picked up on.  I love mythology and my use of Orpheus for the station was definitely not a mistake in both the terms of Celeste and the loss of her daughter as well as some of the later story, in a more abstract way.  Much like my love of history, which hasn’t come across all that much in this one, I do hope that the other subtle entries, at least what I think are subtle entries and hopefully are good references, will also come across as good as the ones you have picked up on.

Thank you, again.  I greatly appreciate your reviews and the concrit that you have mentioned in the previous chapter as well as what you liked in them.  It’s always good to receive one, like a payday.  I’m glad you’ve enjoyed these two chapters and definitely hope you’ll keep reading and enjoying the chapters as they come and, for my part, I shall endeavour not to disappoint.

[InBrightestDay]

10 hours ago, Tcr said:

Well, I’m not saying every male out there wants it…  But I’m sure there’s more than a few who do.

Oh, I wasn’t trying to say that.  Trust me, I don’t want to add to any stereotypes about my sex.  I was just trying to think of why straight men would push straight women to “go bi”, and that was the only reason I could come up with.

10 hours ago, Tcr said:

The only point that I was disappointed with that novel (and, admittedly, it was written at a time when this was… both the norm and nigh mandatory necessity) was the ending with the ‘magical cure-all medicine to revert everyone to ‘normal’’…  That left a sour note with me in what was otherwise a great novel.

Yikes.  It’s one thing if a bunch of straight people had been magically made gay, and the “cure” left actual gay people as they were and just reverted the straight people back to their original orientation, but if it “fixed” everyone, well...awkward.

actually, with regards to sexual orientation and the politics that go with it, I really appreciate how nice Lian is so far.  When the story was starting and the guys were giving Celeste shit, I became vaguely alarmed, since I’ve seen other stories with gay main characters make all the straight characters huge jerks, perhaps for the sake of a message of some kind.  Seeing how much Lian appears to genuinely care for her friend was immensely reassuring.

And yeah, having seen just how much cheating Adara seems to have been doing, Celeste’s anger feels extremely relatable.

10 hours ago, Tcr said:

I’m still nervous when it comes to scenes involving intimate actions, I’m always doubting how well it will turn out…  Or if it’ll be disappointing…  lol.  But thank you.

It’s still nerve-wracking for me too, actually.  I never really know how well it’s working.

[Tcr]

45 minutes ago, InBrightestDay said:

Oh, I wasn’t trying to say that.  Trust me, I don’t want to add to any stereotypes about my sex.  I was just trying to think of why straight men would push straight women to “go bi”, and that was the only reason I could come up with.

I've noticed that, on a whole, men aren't all like that, but there are a few out there that I've heard and, Well, why not add some realistic approach?  Lol.

47 minutes ago, InBrightestDay said:

Yikes.  It’s one thing if a bunch of straight people had been magically made gay, and the “cure” left actual gay people as they were and just reverted the straight people back to their original orientation, but if it “fixed” everyone, well...awkward.

actually, with regards to sexual orientation and the politics that go with it, I really appreciate how nice Lian is so far.  When the story was starting and the guys were giving Celeste shit, I became vaguely alarmed, since I’ve seen other stories with gay main characters make all the straight characters huge jerks, perhaps for the sake of a message of some kind.  Seeing how much Lian appears to genuinely care for her friend was immensely reassuring.

Yeah.  Honestly, in my opinion, it wouldn't be great either way (magic turning heterosexual people gay or vice versa), but I understand what you're saying.  I found the implication of the ending to be... disturbing at best.  But that's what I like about novels, people can always read things differently with different implications and thoughts.

With regards to having extreme bigotry in characters...  I have been told that in Hunted, it is probably the worst with that regard and...  I admit that it definitely did go over the top, which is not the intention I had.  In Last Full Measure, I started out similar to one of my others, where sexuality is less an issue.  Aside from random spots of people...  I'm not sure I'm explaining it right...  lol. 

I am glad that Lian and Celeste's friendship is reassuring, and that Lian genuinely cares about her comes across.  They've been through a lot together.

56 minutes ago, InBrightestDay said:

And yeah, having seen just how much cheating Adara seems to have been doing, Celeste’s anger feels extremely relatable.

I'm glad.  Lol.  Adara is definitely not a likeable character, but, there are some qualities I hope will make her even remotely redeemable by the end.

1 hour ago, InBrightestDay said:

It’s still nerve-wracking for me too, actually.  I never really know how well it’s working.

Yeah.  I'll write out a scene and it'll be like, "that sounds good" and then go back and second guess it all the way through and tear it apart.  So it's like two weeks of writing four to ten pages...  lol.

[Tcr]

I don't think I've had this many reviews in a long, long, long time...  The shelves are definitely getting a good wax for shine...  Another from @InBrightestDayon Last Full Measure.

From InBrightestDay on January 27, 2019
 

Chapter 3

It's nice to get to meet more of the characters, Tirsa in this case.  I see what you meant when you said you didn't want her to apear too interested in Celeste, given that we learn here that she has issues forming successful relationships with anybody.

I also wonder how truthful she was being with Ingvild about Mars.  She says she has nightmares, but she also mentioned earlier in the chapter that she had never felt more alive than when she was in combat.  These two things aren't necessarily contradictory, but it provides an intriguing ambiguity about the character.

Finally, we learn that, assuming I'm understanding the ranking system correctly, Celeste's ex is now going to be her commanding officer.  That's...going to suck.

We also learn some kind of unsettling stuff about the Rebels, like how they don't do the whole "prisoner" thing.  It makes me wonder about the nature of the conflict and how we got to this state between the two sides.

At any rate, I'm interested in seeing what happens when they finally get to Alpha Centauri!

 

It's nice to get to meet more of the characters, Tirsa in this case.  I see what you meant when you said you didn't want her to apear too interested in Celeste, given that we learn here that she has issues forming successful relationships with anybody.

My stylistic approaches have varied depending on what I'm writing and how I'm going about it.  Usually, I'll throw a few together (three or four) and introduce them at an even pace (or try...).  Similar to how I've come with the MCs here.  Although this one is kind of different in that it is a slower intro.

As for her lack of forming relationships, there is a reason for that in Chapter 4 (which, hopefully, is a good written character development...  I have a tendency to push myself, writing characters and situations expanding my own ability and trying to open other people up to them...)

I also wonder how truthful she was being with Ingvild about Mars.  She says she has nightmares, but she also mentioned earlier in the chapter that she had never felt more alive than when she was in combat.  These two things aren't necessarily contradictory, but it provides an intriguing ambiguity about the character.

I never meant for them to be contradictory, so that's good.  And it's good there's a little ambiguity there.  As for lying...  Well, that I'd like to leave to the reader.  Is she lying because she's an alcoholic?  Is she being honest and has almost a split reaction to combat?

Finally, we learn that, assuming I'm understanding the ranking system correctly, Celeste's ex is now going to be her commanding officer.  That's...going to suck.

In a word...  Most certainly.

And you understand correctly.  Adara is the platoon's second in command (2IC) as Warrant Officer, subordinate only to Hamilton.  Celeste, as Sergeant Major, is third in command (3IC).  Perhaps I should have put some of the jargon in an A/N.

We also learn some kind of unsettling stuff about the Rebels, like how they don't do the whole "prisoner" thing.  It makes me wonder about the nature of the conflict and how we got to this state between the two sides.

I do hope to include some of the backstory regarding the Rebel and United Earth conflict in some of the coming chapters (well, coming in terms of writing...).  I feel that it will help to worldbuild (history build?) with regards to the United Earth and her colonies.  So hopefully that turns out just as well as I hope it will.

At any rate, I'm interested in seeing what happens when they finally get to Alpha Centauri!

There are a few more chapters to go before that happens and I hope they don't get too boring and turn you away.  And when they do get to Alpha Centauri, I hope it doesn't disappoint with the build up.

Thanks for your review!

[Tcr]

YAY!  Another review from InBrightestDay on Last Full Measure!  Dare I say it... I think I have...  a fan... .  Lol.

From InBrightestDay on January 31, 2019
 

Sorry it took me a few days to get to this, but I'm back!

So, we've learned a little bit more about how these two are connected via the Mars battle, and moreso about their personal similarities.  Both of them have had relationships that didn't end well, though Tirsa's ex seems a lot nicer than Celeste's.  I'm guessing the breakup with her ex is why Tirsa has trouble forming the emotional bonds she needs for any kind of intimate relationship.

Sorry I don't have too much to say about this chapter, but it was pretty short, just a nice little character moment between these two.  I'll be back for the next chapter!

 

Sorry it took me a few days to get to this, but I'm back!

First off, never need to apologize.  It's always a pleasure to receive any reviews from people.  But it is good that you're back.

So, we've learned a little bit more about how these two are connected via the Mars battle, and moreso about their personal similarities.  Both of them have had relationships that didn't end well, though Tirsa's ex seems a lot nicer than Celeste's.  I'm guessing the breakup with her ex is why Tirsa has trouble forming the emotional bonds she needs for any kind of intimate relationship.

As I mentioned, the story of Last Full Measure was written before "Christmas, Bloody Christmas", and I've had to go back and alter some minor things to bring it in line, but the idea of their connected past and present was one thing that was always the same.  I never went into great detail in the short during the Battle of Fort Overraker, centering on Celeste and the lead up to her becoming how she is in this one, which meant that Tirsa's role in the Battle is never established in the short and, thus, connected through the novel.  (I'm rambling, aren't I?)

As for Tirsa...  In her case, as I've tried to portray her (and hopefully I've done justice to those who identify) as demisexual.  It is that which is more the reason for her lack of emotional attachment.  I have been told it's a personal basis on what constitutes the necessary connection to have the attachment, so I may have it be a bit if a factor.  (I really ramble...  And I'm sure someone's going to let me know exactly how wrong I am...)

Sorry I don't have too much to say about this chapter, but it was pretty short, just a nice little character moment between these two.  I'll be back for the next chapter!

Again, never need to apologize.  Any review is always beneficial.  Even if I'm rambling...  again.  It definitely was a short chapter, little character building scene, little work building in terms of Mars, and some, hopefully, heartfelt moments to be carried on through the story.  And I'm glad to hear it, @InBrightestDay, I'll try not to disappoint (and, just to sweeten the pot, some smaller introductions to a few of the other squadmates and Adara comes back in the next chapter).

[InBrightestDay]

18 hours ago, Tcr said:

Dare I say it... I think I have...  a fan... .  Lol. 

You’ve definitely got me invested in the characters here!

There is one thing about the story, but it’s not necessarily a criticism.  The thing is, I’m in my early thirties, but sometimes reading this story makes me feel like a really old man.  When you brought up that Tirsa was demisexual...I had legitimately never heard that term before.  I had to Google it.  Based on how the characters were talking about it like it was the most natural thing in the world, I felt like I was supposed to know what that was and that I was a grandpa character going “what’s that lingo the hip young kids are using these days?”

Again, that’s not anything wrong with the story.  I just felt kind of stupid.

[Tcr]

1 minute ago, InBrightestDay said:

You’ve definitely got me invested in the characters here!

YAY!  Lol.  I'm glad to hear that.  A teacher years ago once told me that good science fiction relied on the characters to tell the story, that the characters are the main focus and the setting is merely icing.  While I don't follow that principle entirely, I do tend to focus and develop characters more.

4 minutes ago, InBrightestDay said:

There is one thing about the story, but it’s not necessarily a criticism.  The thing is, I’m in my early thirties, but sometimes reading this story makes me feel like a really old man.  When you brought up that Tirsa was demisexual...I had legitimately never heard that term before.  I had to Google it.  Based on how the characters were talking about it like it was the most natural thing in the world, I felt like I was supposed to know what that was and that I was a grandpa character going “what’s that lingo the hip young kids are using these days?”

Again, that’s not anything wrong with the story.  I just felt kind of stupid.

My apologies for making you feel old.  I'm also early thirties, and occasionally I feel like I'm so out of date that I'm in the stone age with people talking.  And honestly, I wouldn't feel stupid.  I doubt a lot of people know unless they A) are themselves, B) know someone who is or who knows someone, or C) are interested.  (I'm assuming there's a lot of tomatoes flying now...)

That was part of the reason I tried to include the description of it in there, although it does feel a little stiff, I admit.  Again, I hope I did justice to people.  And it was supposed to be a conversation of just normal every day thing there in order to portray the idea that sexuality in the time of Last Full Measure is immaterial in that no one cares who's sleeping with who.  Perhaps I should have explained a little more.  That is definitely a fault of the author.

[InBrightestDay]

20 minutes ago, Tcr said:

That is definitely a fault of the author.

I don’t think it’s a fault of the author, but rather something that’s inherent to fiction.  Whenever I read something, I have to ask myself whether the thing being discussed is common knowledge in the setting or common knowledge in the modern day.  I just mistakenly assumed I was supposed to know that, rather than it being common knowledge several centuries in the future.  There’s not really any way I can think of that you could have improved on that.

[Tcr]

3 hours ago, InBrightestDay said:

I don’t think it’s a fault of the author, but rather something that’s inherent to fiction.  Whenever I read something, I have to ask myself whether the thing being discussed is common knowledge in the setting or common knowledge in the modern day.  I just mistakenly assumed I was supposed to know that, rather than it being common knowledge several centuries in the future.  There’s not really any way I can think of that you could have improved on that.

Perhaps.  I like to think that I do a good job in showing a differentiation between contemporary common knowledge and otherwise, perhaps a little megalomaniacally...   Although, that being said, I also like getting people to expand their knowledge base, too (do I sound like a teacher?  Lol).  In the long run, if my writing teaches or gets someone to look up and learn something new, I'm glad to hear it.

Sounding a little...  holier than thou, aren't I?  Definitely not my intention.

[Tcr]

Another review...  These shelves are shining lately...  <looks at review shelves; eyes boil from sockets> So shiny!

First, something I forgot to do, a shout out @Sinfulwolf.  Sinful's been very helpful in terms and statements, not to mention actions and structure, throughout Last Full Measure.  So, I thank you greatly and appreciate your help and continued assistance with terminology far more than I can say.

Second, another from @InBrightestDay on Last Full Measure.

From InBrightestDay on February 06, 2019
 

Aaand I'm back!

So we learn a lot in this chapter.  First, with Sam's arrival, that everyone's exes will be in this squad for maximum awkwardness.  Second...

“Why, Nishiime, looking to save some colonists from their virginity?”

I need to watch Aliens again sometime.

Third, we start to see what's going on in Alpha Centauri, although thus far it's only teasing glimpses.  Nonetheless, I liked seeing it.  We have our characters, so now we get a hint of the coming story.

Finally, we learn some more about whatever happened on Mars.  It sounds like it's Celeste's fault (she stayed on duty in spite of her pregnancy, which may have led to the death of the unborn child during the attack), but Adara clearly blames herself for part of it, and I'm curious to learn what that is.  Adara's actually somewhat more sympathetic in this chapter.  This doesn't undo her infidelity, but it does hint at a level of depth to the character.

The introduction of Major Hamilton did raise a question.  Thus far, every member of this squad that we've met has been female, save for Hamilton, who is in command.  In an earlier chapter, Celeste mentioned that back on Mars, her commanding officer was also a man.  Is the military in this setting set up so that the enlisted are all female and the officers are male, or is this team just set up that way?

 

Aaand I'm back!

So we learn a lot in this chapter.  First, with Sam's arrival, that everyone's exes will be in this squad for maximum awkwardness.

First, welcome back. 

Ah, yes, the resident unit incest (thanks, Sinful, not getting that term out of my head now...  lol).  There are plenty of threads here and I don't know if they'll all be covered, but...  As it progresses, there'll certainly be some awkwardness coming.

Second...

“Why, Nishiime, looking to save some colonists from their virginity?”

I need to watch Aliens again sometime.

Do it!  Lol.  As mentioned, there's definitely a few homages and lines from Aliens in here.  I love the movie and just had to.  And that line from the movie always got me to snicker.  Lol.

Third, we start to see what's going on in Alpha Centauri, although thus far it's only teasing glimpses.  Nonetheless, I liked seeing it.  We have our characters, so now we get a hint of the coming story.

I wasn't sure how well the distress call would work, so I'm glad you liked it.  I definitely love building up the suspense and a little bit of unnerving.  Not seeing what's going on was part of that plan and definite don't want people to know too much.  Lol.

Finally, we learn some more about whatever happened on Mars.  It sounds like it's Celeste's fault (she stayed on duty in spite of her pregnancy, which may have led to the death of the unborn child during the attack), but Adara clearly blames herself for part of it, and I'm curious to learn what that is.  Adara's actually somewhat more sympathetic in this chapter.  This doesn't undo her infidelity, but it does hint at a level of depth to the character.

By far, there's enough blame to go around multiple people for Celeste's miscarriage.  So, the blame isn't squarely hers, though she bears a large part of it.  I actually rewrote much of the last part of the chapter so to create a depth to Adara.  She's not a great person, and she admits it, but she does harbour a lot of guilt for multiple things; her cheating on Celeste (And everyone can have their own opinions on whether Adara did cheat on Celeste with Alexander or if she was telling the truth), her leaving Celeste, and the miscarriage  (although the reasons for that will come out as time goes along).  I'm glad my rewrites did add some character to Adara that doesn't make her just a bitch…

The introduction of Major Hamilton did raise a question.  Thus far, every member of this squad that we've met has been female, save for Hamilton, who is in command.  In an earlier chapter, Celeste mentioned that back on Mars, her commanding officer was also a man.  Is the military in this setting set up so that the enlisted are all female and the officers are male, or is this team just set up that way?

This is probably a fault of the author  (...which makes it my fault...)...  That wasn't the intention to have that implied.  (Originally Adara's LT was Alexandra, but I realized that that was flooding the story...).  Indeed, there are a few minor characters to be introed in who are male and enlisted/noncoms, so I guess I should have elaborated a little more in that regard.  (And, yeah, her COs on Mars...  They weren't the brightest...  To quote @BronxWench in reviews for Christmas "I found myself wondering exactly who the Captain and Lieutenant paid off to get their positions, because they certainly didn't end up in command based on merit.").  

Thank you, InBrightestDay, for your review.  As always, it is much appreciated and always a pleasure to receive.

 

[InBrightestDay]

5 hours ago, Tcr said:

I actually rewrote much of the last part of the chapter so to create a depth to Adara.  She's not a great person, and she admits it, but she does harbour a lot of guilt for multiple things; her cheating on Celeste (And everyone can have their own opinions on whether Adara did cheat on Celeste with Alexander or if she was telling the truth), her leaving Celeste, and the miscarriage  (although the reasons for that will come out as time goes along).  I'm glad my rewrites did add some character to Adara that doesn't make her just a bitch…

I think you hit just the right balance.  Adara does come across as more sympathetic, but it’s not like she’s been absolved of her infidelity.  She’s definitely still been a pretty terrible girlfriend, but she feels human.

[Tcr]

Another review from @InBrightestDay.  It’s always a pleasure to read your reviews of Last Full Measure and hope I continue to keep you entertained with each chapter as much as I enjoy writing them up.

From InBrightestDay on February 12, 2019
 

And the awkwardness begins.  At the very least, the interactions between Sam and Tirsa are less adversarial than those between Celeste and Adara.  This makes sense, of course, given that Sam wasn't cheating; she just didn't want to be in a long distance relationship.  That thought is also amusing, since when you say "long distance relationship," you're generally talking about something measured in miles or kilometers, not light-years.

Something I've noticed about the interactions between the crew is that it seems like most of them speak at least three languages, which is neat, since it's something else that suggests aspects of the setting.  Given that it's a globally integrated military, perhaps they feature language training as part of basic, or maybe it's not so much a military thing as a general education idea.  Either way, it helps get across that there's a lot more international exchange.

All the rookies also seem very excited to see combat.  I sense this will not end well.

Finally, as a sci-fi fan, I love that you mentioned kinetic bombardment using Jerry Pournelle's Project Thor term.  The basic idea is gaining more traction in popular culture, but it's rare enough that it's still kind of cool every time it pops up.

 

Just because I’m feeling weird, I’m going to address the last section first…  lol.

Finally, as a sci-fi fan, I love that you mentioned kinetic bombardment using Jerry Pournelle's Project Thor term.  The basic idea is gaining more traction in popular culture, but it's rare enough that it's still kind of cool every time it pops up.

I wasn’t sure anyone would have the idea of what the Project Thor reference (or, as some people may know it, the Rods from God reference) actually was.  I, personally, love the idea and, while I haven’t used it in many of my writing here, I have referenced them in one of my other works not set up here.  It’s one of those things that is ‘present’ in reality (even just hypothetically or otherwise) that sounds so sci-fi that some people wouldn’t believe it.  It’s much like the railguns referenced in Chapter 5 as being part of the Greyeyes’ complement of weapons.  (Speaking of which, historical fun fact…  The Greyeyes and the Pegahmagabow-class are named after historical figures…  Because…  History fanatic!...)

And the awkwardness begins.  At the very least, the interactions between Sam and Tirsa are less adversarial than those between Celeste and Adara.  This makes sense, of course, given that Sam wasn't cheating; she just didn't want to be in a long distance relationship.  That thought is also amusing, since when you say "long distance relationship," you're generally talking about something measured in miles or kilometers, not light-years.

The awkwardness definitely begins…  and will continue…  I wanted the Sam/Tirsa relationship to be a foil to that of Celeste/Adara.  And I certainly wanted to show that Tirsa’s relationship didn’t fall apart (although it was far from mutual with regards to the break-up).  And, yes, that was a bit of a hilarity in itself and one that I hoped would have some humour to it.  Like you said, ‘long distance relationship’ is usually thought of in miles/kilometers (occasionally, I’ve heard people reference it in terms of hours), but the idea of it being in light years, I got a laugh when I first wrote it in and hoped it translated to other readers.

Something I've noticed about the interactions between the crew is that it seems like most of them speak at least three languages, which is neat, since it's something else that suggests aspects of the setting.  Given that it's a globally integrated military, perhaps they feature language training as part of basic, or maybe it's not so much a military thing as a general education idea.  Either way, it helps get across that there's a lot more international exchange.

The idea of having other languages involved worried me.  I had previously posted a topic on the Forums regarding other languages (last year sometime) and it seemed the common consensus was that most people preferred not to have them (or so it read to me) and I was worried it would be a similar response on here.  But, as you said (“suggests aspects of the setting”), to me it provides that multinational force present a little more weight to it and, without excessive prose worldbuilding, gives that build in just the language.  Many of them, though, I think I only have speaking two languages (English and a ‘mother’ tongue).  And I am personally grateful to those who have helped ( @sweetmamajama, @Windrider Shiva, Yaoichi (Tocuatl)), more so than words can say.  Without their help, the world of Last Full Measure would be similar to many other movies and books (that is, everyone speaks English because…  Hooray, USA?).  That wasn’t something I wanted to happen, I still wanted people speaking their own mother tongues far into the future.  Indeed, with PFC Nakanasa’s Cree, I wanted the implication to be that Reconciliation had come to fruition and the attempted cultural genocide from the Canadian government through the residential schools had failed, that Indigenous peoples had reclaimed their cultures and languages.

All the rookies also seem very excited to see combat.  I sense this will not end well.

Oh, yeah.  Many of those who haven’t seen combat before really want to.  But, as I mentioned prior in the story, there’s not many of them who truly have seen it (even the officers) and those who have are highly sought after (or so I hoped was implied).  And those that aren’t ‘bloodied’ (haven’t seen combat) are heavily excited at the prospect of being ‘heroes’, although that’s not going to be used.  It’s supposed to parallel the feelings of World War I (in that it’s some great mission with a heroic tale they’ll be able to tell people)…  And no, nothing ends well in that regard.  But the real question, who survives and who doesn’t?

Thank you for your review, as always.  I appreciate it and it’s always a pleasure to read yours.  I’m glad to hear you’re enjoying it and that you continue to return (so I must be doing something right!  YAY!).

On a side note, InBrightestDay, and with a shameless plug (I regret nothing), I do have some sketches (bad ones, I think, but still...) of characters within LFM if you want to see some ideas of what they might look like (according to my thoughts).  

Edited February 12, 2019 by Tcr

[Tcr]

Okay, let’s go backwards in time and answer off @Sinfulwolf for her (highly appreciated and very belatedly replied (on my part)) reviews on Hunted.

From SinfulWolf on August 09, 2018
 

First... you fuckin tease. That opening bit was a damn tease, and you know it

But, your action scenes are getting better. It was much easier to follow this time around. Which is good considering there is a fair bit of action in this story. So well done! Though, I may suggest laying off on having your vamps get injured so much. They get all sorts of messed up, then recover with a quick sip. It's been happening often enough that I feel I should bring this up, because there doesn't seem to be much of a threat to the vampires, and it's making me question how anyone ever hunted them. Something to keep in mind.

The developing relationship so far though has been quite well written, and I'm looking forward to a few chapters of quiet to see how it will develop. Though... I think at least one more chapter of very loud before that happens.

Thanks for sharing with us all, and looking forward to the next outing.

 

First... you fuckin tease. That opening bit was a damn tease, and you know it

I believe this was the chapter that I had Cheyenne almost admit her love…  (sorry it’s been so long  ...)  Can’t say it didn’t work, though, you kept reading and coming back to see,  .  But, yes, I am a ‘fuckin tease’ and quite proud of it.  lol.

But, your action scenes are getting better. It was much easier to follow this time around. Which is good considering there is a fair bit of action in this story. So well done! Though, I may suggest laying off on having your vamps get injured so much. They get all sorts of messed up, then recover with a quick sip. It's been happening often enough that I feel I should bring this up, because there doesn't seem to be much of a threat to the vampires, and it's making me question how anyone ever hunted them. Something to keep in mind.

Well, thank you.  I do try to take advice and work with it, although I’m sure my beta would argue that (and I wouldn’t disagree with her, either).  And, yes, there is quite a bit of action around, and I do agree, perhaps I should have them a little less wounded.  As for how the vampires were hunted, I had hoped that the idea presented where the Guard hunted in groups of varying sizes (the age old “safety in numbers”), would have explained some of that, you do have a point about the injuries and sucking someone dry gets them completely healed.

The developing relationship so far though has been quite well written, and I'm looking forward to a few chapters of quiet to see how it will develop. Though... I think at least one more chapter of very loud before that happens.

I’m glad you liked the relationship aspect.  I’m not much of a romance writer (...read that as none… lol) and trying to get the relationship dynamic to work was a hard enough sell on its own, but the first polyamorous relationship I’ve written weighed very heavily on my mind.  I certainly didn’t want it to be so off that it was laughably bad…  And considering my romantic writing, that was a very likely possibility.  Hopefully the relationship between the three women continues to be well done.

[Tcr]

And another from @Sinfulwolfon Hunted (and again, gotta go back in time for this one...)

From SinfulWolf on December 26, 2018
 

Getting some sympathetic Guards folk in there. Like to see some variance. Though, is it a fact that they think the Cpl incapable of leading because of scars, or does she believe that? Seems a bit odd for such a military like organization. Though, again with the seemingly experienced getting easily snuck up on. It's happening a lot in this story, is why I'm bringing it up again.

Though, your introduction to the Elite is pretty damned good. Just enough creepiness, and unease. 

 

Getting some sympathetic Guards folk in there. Like to see some variance. Though, is it a fact that they think the Cpl incapable of leading because of scars, or does she believe that? Seems a bit odd for such a military like organization. Though, again with the seemingly experienced getting easily snuck up on. It's happening a lot in this story, is why I'm bringing it up again.

I’m glad you liked the character of Corporal Stamper.  I took a little of your advice from our discussions, especially regarding the idea of how the Guards are not really…  I can’t remember how you worded it, but basically how they were closer to a cult sort of idea…  And that was never the intention to present, especially from the outset (with the dissension in the ranks there that ultimately led to Idun being turned)…  So, in came the character of Stamper (and she’ll be back in a later chapter).  As for whether she believes it or everyone else believes it, that’s a question I left up to the reader.  I wanted it to be a little ambiguous so that there wasn’t one distinct answer (and to allow everyone a chance to put their own twist in there based on how they read the Guard up until that point).  And apparently there’s a lot I’m doing wrong here, amidst a lot going right, so that’s a balance…  lol.  You have a point, again, about the sneaking up.

And that’s great news to me (about the Elite).  I wanted them to be as creepy and uneasy as possible.  And the reveal that comes up in the next chapter, and consequent chapters to come, I hope will only add to their creepy factor.

[Tcr]

YAY!  Another review from @InBrightestDay.  It's always a pleasure, just like with SinfulWolf on Hunted, to read your reviews, InBrightestDay.

From InBrightestDay on February 23, 2019
 

Chapter 7

Sorry I didn't review this before Chapter 8 came out.  I was kind of depressed for a while and didn't have a lot of motivation to write reviews, so now I'm playing catchup.

Well, this was short but definitely enjoyable.  I don't know if it had been established before that Celeste had a problem with compulsive sexual behavior, but that's definitely another layer of sad on top of everything else that's happened to her (five times a day seems like a problem rather than a healthy sex drive).  I can't decide whether Adara helping her is sweet or sad, given their baggage.

On the funnier side, apparently Celeste found the busiest closet in history.  I mean, seriously, what were the odds of that?

***

Sorry I didn't review this before Chapter 8 came out.  I was kind of depressed for a while and didn't have a lot of motivation to write reviews, so now I'm playing catchup.

Firstly, you don't have to apologize.  Taking care of yourself is a lot more important than reviews.  As much as reviews are nice, it's better knowing that you're doing good.  Secondly, it's kind of my fault; I pushed 8 in a little early because work schedule bizarre this week.

Well, this was short but definitely enjoyable.  I don't know if it had been established before that Celeste had a problem with compulsive sexual behavior, but that's definitely another layer of sad on top of everything else that's happened to her (five times a day seems like a problem rather than a healthy sex drive).  I can't decide whether Adara helping her is sweet or sad, given their baggage.

I'm glad you enjoyed it.  I don't believe I made it explicit in Chapter 1 or 2 and this was much of an afterthought, as I had already written Chapter 7 (now 8) and someone reading it pointed out that it just seemed the first solo was out of nowhere.  So this was kind of to remedy that and explore a little.  And yeah, 5 might be pushing it, but I read that occasionally, people have gone for upwards seven...  And yeah, Adara is fun to write because she's more a gray area than anything.

On the funnier side, apparently Celeste found the busiest closet in history.  I mean, seriously, what were the odds of that?

I will not argue that.  She got the worst closet ever.  Originally it was only going to be one who found her (one of the Marines), but I could think of a good reason for them to find her or who would...  So I wrote the Stellar Navy guy in and had hoped the implication was that Adara saw him and had to investigate.  Lol.

But thank you, InBrightestDay.  I'm always glad to read your reviews.  I sincerely hope that the depression is vanquished as well as you can.  

[InBrightestDay]

14 hours ago, Tcr said:

Taking care of yourself is a lot more important than reviews.  As much as reviews are nice, it's better knowing that you're doing good.

I don’t mean to make this sound worse than it was.  Trust me, if you actually found out why I was depressed, you’d probably think it was hilarious.

Quote

Originally it was only going to be one who found her (one of the Marines), but I could think of a good reason for them to find her or who would...  So I wrote the Stellar Navy guy in and had hoped the implication was that Adara saw him and had to investigate.

I figured he called someone, and eventually word got to Adara.  It makes sense, don’t get me wrong, but I still thought it was funny.