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Posted

For my part, I'll phrase it this way: can we assume that, if a Servant has appeared in any Fate work (excluding ones that are other TM characters showing up, like Arcueid in Extra and Ryougi Shiki in Extra and Grand Order), they can be summoned in this case, even if it breaks the standard rules for the Fuyuki Grail? Like summoning Kiyohime even though eastern Heroic Spirits aren't supposed to be able to be summoned, or summoning Stheno and/or Euryale even though they're technically goddesses and divine beings aren't supposed to be able to be summoned.

Posted

Alright. Chapter 1 is more or less ready. Please keep in mind that Gamer-type stories are usually long winded before they go anywhere "juicy". Please be patient with me.

Also, would anyone like to be a beta? My English is self-taught and I know it's lacking.

Posted

Well, like you said, Gamer stories start slow, so already being familiar with the concept, there's not too much new to react to. I am glad to see a clever reason for leveling Charisma, one that I hadn't thought about, along with the different twists you've added in, like the "special areas." I'm also looking forward to seeing how his Reputation stands with different people. One joking thought that occurred to me was that, with these new stats, Shirou should have no problem getting over that high-jump bar.

Two things did occur to me. First, if Shirou can see peoples' status and titles, then that could kill the surprise of certain things, like realizing Rin and Sakura are magi before talking to them, or seeing Gilgamesh around town and figuring out he's not human. Second, I noticed you didn't give Shirou the Gamer's Mind, which would protect him from negative emotional and mental effects. Was that intentional, given the trauma from the fire, or intended to be used in the future, so that he wouldn't have an inherent resistance to hypnosis?

Overall, it's off to a promising start, and I look forward to seeing more.

Posted

Well, like you said, Gamer stories start slow, so already being familiar with the concept, there's not too much new to react to. I am glad to see a clever reason for leveling Charisma, one that I hadn't thought about, along with the different twists you've added in, like the "special areas." I'm also looking forward to seeing how his Reputation stands with different people. One joking thought that occurred to me was that, with these new stats, Shirou should have no problem getting over that high-jump bar.

Two things did occur to me. First, if Shirou can see peoples' status and titles, then that could kill the surprise of certain things, like realizing Rin and Sakura are magi before talking to them, or seeing Gilgamesh around town and figuring out he's not human. Second, I noticed you didn't give Shirou the Gamer's Mind, which would protect him from negative emotional and mental effects. Was that intentional, given the trauma from the fire, or intended to be used in the future, so that he wouldn't have an inherent resistance to hypnosis?

Overall, it's off to a promising start, and I look forward to seeing more.

Indeed. Because Shirou can see the "code of the World" with his Gamer Eyes he can pretty much see the identities of Servants right away. I didn't give him Gamer Mind because it's useless. It's good for Han Jee Han because he's a normal guy until the ability awoke. He'd be normally scared of interacting with the Abyss without a motive of his own. Shirou has his purpose so he can face the fear of dying and on and so forth.

Special Areas are hax as fuck. Shirou won't figure out for a while, but if he adds his spare point in the library he'll get two permanent INT point for each point he assigns. Same goes for the gym and similar places.

CHR is the reason why several older girls will lust after him.

Posted

Hey, Ichasennin, I want to suggest that you edit the very first post in this thread, and add a link to your story there. You don't have to, it just might be easier for people who might look at this thread from the beginning.

Also, you can post a link to this thread, in the story, so you can reply to reviews and such.

Willow Darkling, Forum Moderator.

Posted (edited)

Wait is Shirou 5 years older than canon or 5 years younger? Cause I'm a little confused on what you said about his age in the author notes. How old is he in Chapter 1? I thought he was 10 (in canon he'd be 12 since in the OTL, Kiritsugu dies when Shirou is 12).

Also regarding bad ends, do we get to choose them or is it determined by you if we get them or not?

As for Morrigan, maybe this is a possible outfit she might show up in if she captures Shirou in a bad end? ;)

lRQas7Gh.jpg

Though I think I'd lose the eyepatch. :P

Edited by warellis
Posted

Wait is Shirou 5 years older than canon or 5 years younger? Cause I'm a little confused on what you said about his age in the author notes. How old is he in Chapter 1? I thought he was 10 (in canon he'd be 12 since in the OTL, Kiritsugu dies when Shirou is 12).

Also regarding bad ends, do we get to choose them or is it determined by you if we get them or not?

As for Morrigan, maybe this is a possible outfit she might show up in if she captures Shirou in a bad end? ;)

Though I think I'd lose the eyepatch. :P

He's five year younger. This is also why I need a beta damn it.

All Bad Ends will happen, whether I'll write them as a separate story or just write them as part of the chapter and then roll back the story before the fatal choice remains to be seen.

Posted (edited)

For monster girl characters, any specific sources you plan to use for them or would these be more like OCs or something?

As for Morrigan, I have a feeling she'll be one of the toughest enemies Shirou may face considering her sheer power and strength (she's a Class S demon IIRC) and the fact she's an incredibly arousing and seductive person. Not only is she incredibly powerful compared to any normal human or even a magus like Shirou, she herself is also royalty and she has powers like being able to duplicate herself for attacks, or turning her wings into jets to move incredibly fast.

Actually for her ability to

(Darkness Illusion) herself, I can imagine that being useful for tricking Shirou or bedroom stuff.

An interesting thing about Morrigan is that while other demons require the use of a special Gate in order to reach the human world from Makai, Morrigan doesn't have to use that since she has the ability to teleport herself to places and thus she can simply translocate herself from Makai to Earth with no need for pesky gates. She could possibly take Shirou with her back to her dungeons or wherever.

Edited by warellis
Posted (edited)

Sweet.

Regarding characters from other settings showing up in the story, will they have the same personalities as they did in their original settings? Like if a character is a tsundere in her original story, she's a tsundere in this story as well?

Hm these quest areas are essentially in alternate dimension or something right? Like you get transported somewhere else essentially?

I could imagine this possibly happening to Shirou somewhere:

Kgigueb.jpg

Image has a Pharaoh, Sphinx, Anubis, Mummies, Khepri, Girtablilu, & Sandworm.

Liliraune would be another fun monstergirl for him to run into on a quest:

nz53zsXh.jpg

Hm regarding his Projection abilities here, any swords outside of Ea or Excalibur might Shirou jot be able to Project here?

And would Gil here be FemGil?

Edited by warellis
Posted

Well now, this is interesting.

I'm wondering, what is Shirou's character going to be like when it comes to women and the sex he ends up dragged into? I'm really hoping it isn't some shy timid personality, it doesn't really fit Shirou at all. Even as young as he is in this story, he was picking fights with older teenagers if he saw them bullying others for instance.

For instance, this is Shirou at 12. He isn't really a timid person, he's pretty headstrong and I'd think fighting monsters and gaining experience in combat would only highlight his confidence.

http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/typemoon/images/9/92/Shirou_12_years_old.png/revision/latest?cb=20151103200631

Posted

Yeah, but picking fights and fighting monsters all sort of fall back to Shirou's "Hero of Justice" mentality, which comes first. Sex and otherwise dealing with women is something different. Even in canon, Shirou is fairly casual about getting into fights and almost dying, but he kind of freaks out about females, like when Saber wants to sleep in the same room as him. Being confident fighting monsters probably won't translate well to dealing with other people.

On the other hand, while he should start out being totally out of his element, as the Gamer, he should also develop a bunch of skills that put him progressively more in control of the situation.

Posted

Experienced fighters have a different sort of underlying confidence. Being nervous, and a bit shy is fine...though Shirou never really complained much when it came to the sex he was getting. But, being timid and easily bullied into being molested is different, I just can't see Shirou if he's unwilling to explore the perks not at least fighting back.

On another note, how hung is he gonna be in this story? It would be kind of boring for just a little kiddy dick.

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