Edward_or_Ford - "Fistbump" replies

[Edward_or_Ford]

Like ForgetMeNaught, I wanted to address the reviews to "Fistbump", and to thank those who wrote them.

Speaking of the above-mentioned author, ForgetMeNaught please feel free to re-post your review that you left. Yours was the first I got back, and I only deleted it because it had a big spoiler of the end. Other than that half-sentence, it was a tremendous lift to my self-esteem to get such a positive review so quickly after posting my first story.

(By the way, this was my *first* story: I'm a 43-year-old sysadmin who despised creative writing in school 25+ years ago. I've never written anything other than technical documentation for decades. Wish they had a class that included animated-underage-incest back in the '80s!)

Now, on to the others:

Belfry 2015-03-22 id # 3000070352 First off, let me say that I am a big fan of incest stories (I am currently writing and posting one myself). Your story is magnificent!

Belfry had also posted spoilers to the ending, but the previous version of the review also mentioned the desire for sequels to the story. This is what got me thinking on those lines. I've now got an outline for a follow-up story. Don't know how long it will take: Fistbump took me about 2 weeks to write, following about a week of fleshing out ideas in my head. But I'm pretty sure it's going to happen.

xXDasXGoochXx 2015-03-23 id # 3000070354 apologies for the earlier spoilers. great story!

The only spoiler xXDasXGoochXx wrote was that it was "sad": Oh, and that it was "faptastical" :-) And he posted another review! Thanks!

GrayNeko 2015-03-23 id # 3000070356 Way to go for a first time! My only real critique is that this comes off as a little daunting as a single piece, it might be more approachable if it were broken into chapters. Despite that this piece kept me coming back because I really wanted to see how it ended, bravo for the choice you made by the way. Hope you keep writing, regardless of the material.

As you can see from its current state, Fistbump is now a 10-chapter story. GrayNeko, you are absolutely correct that this makes the story far easier to swallow if you can't devote a couple of hours to a single sitting. Also, releasing chapter-by-chapter (see ForgetMeNaught's thread for my "Evil Bastard Technique") is a good way to keep a story at the top of the Cartoon Archive page, and to keep the views coming.

Beyond that, very hearty thanks for the kind words. I now have quite a number of thoughts invested in the Fistbump "universe", so I'm fairly sure I'm going to just keep that same story going.

Anon 2015-03-24 id # 3000070359 Very well done I would love to read more of Pinecest

Hey, it gets me off, too. I think there will be more. Thanks for the encouragement.

zoel makara luisemilioosoriozapata@gmail.com 2015-03-25 id # 3000070365 well, for your first fanfic its very good, you are really expresive, i like that, i hope you keep making more fanfics and make a part 2 of this history

Zoel, the dialogue was the biggest challenge for me, trying to make it sound authentic to the Dipper and Mabel we all know and love, only a year or so older. I had to draw on memory of my own awkwardness at that age, and supplemented with what my wife has told me about her own puberty years, and mix it into the completely non-experience I have with incest. I *do* have a sister, but she factors not at all in my own fantasy thoughts. I was drawn to the Pines because of their near-perfect brother-sister relationship.

____

Thanks again, all. I will respond here with any more reviews I get. Please feel free to discuss.

Edward_or_Ford

[Edward_or_Ford]

ForgetMeNaught comes though!

ForgetMeNaught 2015-03-26 id # 3000070368 Yo man.

Alright, the format is so much smoother now. It's like reading a whole new story, good work.

Your story was excellent, start to finish. Without revealing any twists, you did well to inspire the feels for the ship. You should be proud.

Yeah, ForgetMeNaught's referring to the first day that the story was posted, I used asterisks surrounding words to show emphasis (instead of italics), and didn't use horizontal rules to separate sections of text. That came from the fact that I haven't used a word processor for years, I wrote the story in a plain text editor, then just cut and pasted into this site. I had to manually edit all the text to remove the asterisks and add the italics, but yes, I agree, it looks and reads much better now.

High praise, thank you! After re-reading the story, I actually am fairly pleased with how it turned out, and surprised at how very little I feel like changing. I've gone in and edited various spelling and formatting gaffes, but everything narrative-wise is the same. I wanted the plot to be as "realistic" as possible (I know, setting aside that "Gravity Falls" is pretty far from realistic), so I tried to have everything that happens to be completely plausible, from the Portland setting, to the adolescent plans and reactions, to the sex itself. Yes, I'll admit that my depiction of their first time sleeping with one another was idealized, but it was at least possible to have gone down that way with young teenagers.

Here in the forums, I don't think that we should be afraid to spoil plots. Nobody is reading here unless they've already read the story in the archive. So on the subject of the ending, I'm glad the sorrowful conclusion seems to have the desired effect. I'm not normally in favor of depressing endings to stories, but right from the first inception of this story in my head, this was always how I pictured it ending. I just can't see a happy ending for this situation: a torrid short-term romance between emotionally immature siblings, who are dumped back into a "normal" family household in a "normal" suburban city. If I wanted to continue to be "realistic", there was no other way to end the story.

Thanks again, folks.

Edward_or_Ford

[Edward_or_Ford]

You know, I should probably link back to the story in question, you think?

Fistbump (a Pinecest story)

Edward_or_Ford

[Edward_or_Ford]

Deadwater dio.mario75@gmail.com 2015-04-14 id # 3000070417 You know it's good when it reads as a completely plausible episode. Albeit, for this particular story, a lost episode. Your story was not only a fun read for the first half, but brilliantly written till the end. How tricking old are you, anyway, to be such a brilliant writer? 10/10 would read again. Bravo! A million times, bravo!

Wow, thank you a million times back for your reply.

Since Deadwater obviously has not seen this thread here in the forums (or he/she would have known how old I am), I am heartened by the confirmation that the story was plausible. Making this a story that "rings true" to the characters, while also providing a fanciful tale with an incest kick, was precisely what I was going for. My biggest failing, I believe, was the comedy side: I just couldn't come up with enough lines for Mabel that were funny, in my opinion. Oh, well.

Edward_or_Ford

[Edward_or_Ford]

Thought I'd throw in the first three reviews that had been posted, all of which I deleted and asked to be reposted because of the spoilery commentary:

ForgetMeNaught 2015-03-21 id # 3000070343 An impressive work in sexual tension and the difficult dealings of the incest taboo. In the end, you had me feeling tragically for those poor kids.

I do, however, have to speak against your grammar. If you want to show emphasis, try italics instead of asterisks, and page breaks would be better served by inserted lines than empty spaces. These things will help streamline the reading.

The dialogue was structured nicely too, making for solid interactions.

Good work.

xXDasXGoochXx 2015-03-22 id # 3000070344 awww. a sad faptastical story of young love.

Belfry 2015-03-22 id # 30000703xx First off, let me say that I am a big fan of incest stories (I am currently writing and posting one myself). Your story is magnificent, detailing the fear, doubts, happiness and ecstasy of a young firstlove. You described every feeling and desire perfectly/ I know because I went through that myself with my sister.

It broke my heart, them agreeing to stop making love until they turned 18! Maybe if their parents leave for a weekend getaway?

Still, an excellent start if you decide to continue the story on their 18th birthday, or earlier!

Thanks again to all three authors, these were my first feedback, all of them positive. Very much appreciated.

Edward_or_Ford

Edited May 4, 2015 by Edward_or_Ford

[Guest kojivsleo]

Thanks for responding to my email. In response to your message about FF.net policies, you are correct that they have toughened up in the last couple years or so, but they have become rather lax at it after the purge they had about 2-3 years back. They seem to mostly leave stories alone if its not all just porn, and your story is centered around the characters interactions and development so it might get a pass.

If nothing else just post it and see what happens, worse they can do is pull it. At least you can say you tried.

[Edward_or_Ford]

kojivsleo blackshadow_629@hotmail.com 2015-04-30 id # 3000070459 This is quality work right here! You should put it up on fanfiction.net to let a wider audience have a chance of reading it and provide more commentary.

I do hope that you make a sequel.

Heh, I replied direct to kojivsleo, and he beat me to this thread before I could post his review. I had mentioned that I didn't think this story fit into the FF.net standards. I don't know, I might post it there to see what happens. Anyone else care to comment on whether I should or not?

As far as the sequel goes, I'm happy with the first six chapters, and I know what I want to happen in the remaining six, but I am currently in creative quicksand. Also, no time right now. Eventually, I'll get it done.

Thanks again for the positive review.

Edward_or_Ford

[Edward_or_Ford]

I've posted the first chapter of the sequel, which I've subtitled "Unspeakable". Prepare for substantially more angst.

Link to the story at: Fistbump 2: Unspeakable (a Pinecest story)

Edward_or_Ford

[Edward_or_Ford]

A couple of early reviews for Fistbump 2:

Anon 2015-05-04 id # 3000070469 I hope they can be together

Well, it says "a Pinecest story" right in the title. I think there's pretty good odds there. :-)

Belfry 2015-05-04 id # 3000070470 Fantastic!
I am very impressed that you have fully explained their feelings about their situation. I myself have experienced the agony of 'so close and yet so far'. In my own AFF, siblings hiding their relationship was necessary, but not that difficult since the parents were easy to fool. Not in your story! They are very perceptive!
Overall a great story! Keep up the good work!

Thanks, Belfry.

So little is known about Dipper and Mabel's parents in "Gravity Falls", so fleshing them out was difficult. I figured that there's no way they could be naive or clueless, and I figured they'd also have to be kind of funny and pretty much "good parents" in general, given how awesome the twins turned out. Making them into "Fundies" was a good way to make sure that the cost of getting caught was going to be high, but I didn't want them to be caricatures of over-zealous Bible-thumpers.

I'll be dribbling this story out, a new chapter released every few days. There will be 12 chapters. I'm about half done writing the story, and a week-plus long case of writer's block has been overcome, so I should be good.

Edward_or_Ford

Edited May 4, 2015 by Edward_or_Ford

[Edward_or_Ford]

A couple of quick replies after Chapter 2 was posted ...

xXDasXGoochXx 2015-05-05 id # 3000070473 Liking it so far, mate. keep up the good work

Thank you. I think you'll find this one a bit more "intense" than the last one.

Anon 2015-05-06 id # 3000070474 Will Mabel get pregnant I hope she does

<Spoiler alert>

Ahhhh...... no. A little hard to believe for a fourteen-year-old to keep that a secret from her parents. Kind of hurts the narrative drama.

Plus, I guess I'm just not into that.

I'm not dismissing the possibility of pregnancy in a future story, when they are much older, but even then I'm calling it unlikely. Sorry.

</Spoiler alert>

Edward_or_Ford

[Edward_or_Ford]

Chapter 3 is out, and a couple of more reviews....

xXDasXGoochXx 2015-05-07 id # 3000070484 Oh boy...I sense trouble.

Oh, you're not wrong, Gooch!

Then, came this doozy of a review....

Saint_Wanker_Kris 2015-05-07 id # 3000070491 I will be frank with you man, because you deserve less than that. While I greatly enjoy how you write and portray the characters, the premise of the story isn't that attractive to me for one single reason.

The amount of Angst is unbearable.

It's not to say that the story is bad just because of that, because that would be a bold lie, and it would be unfair to you who had also make a quite good job at the portrayal of a realistic take on incest between those two on a "normal" environment. Which is to say, fated to fail and burn.

Harshly.

On that, I find that you have done a marvelous work capturing that feeling. But, it isn't my cup of tea.

I find it downright painful to read how this events are slowly and inexorably tearing apart the twins, emotionally and psychologically. It is a thrilling story at some points, yeah. Especially when they're about to risk everything to be still together... but the tune of failure hangs so heavily on the story, that it's simply painful to read their attempts to defy society to be together, and be probably destroyed in the process.

Now though, I thank you for the first story. As it was a downright gorgeous work, but I think that I'm not going to read this one...

How cool is it that I read a reviewer's opinion that my story is not his cup of tea and he won't be finishing reading it, and I think he has written the most awesome review of all?

OK, so yes there's a lot of angst in this story. I wasn't exaggerating in the Author's Notes at the start of the story. In fact, if Kris finds Chapter 3 unbearable, well it's a good thing he's not going to be reading the rest, because the angst has barely started in this story!

But ..... AUGGGHHHH!!!! ... So ... much ... I ... want ... to ... say!!! But I can't, not without ruining chapters I haven't published yet (and more chapters I haven't even written yet). If you can handle some pretty intense feels, I think you're going to like this story. That's as much as I'll say.

:-)

Edward_or_Ford

[Edward_or_Ford]

xXDasXGoochXx 2015-05-07 id # 3000070496 you emotional shits. When i was that age, I was waaay more crazy. the bumhole is natures contraceptive after all.

Taken out of context, this is one of my favorite comments of all time! :-D

Edward_or_Ford

[Edward_or_Ford]

kojivsleo blackshadow_629@hotmail.com 2015-05-08 id # 3000070500 Ouch, right in the feels...

Yeah, some of this actually hurt a bit while I was writing it... and its actually going to get quite a bit worse. Sorry in advance. I threw in some extra "Angst" tags to the story summary to make sure everyone gets the point :-)

Edward_or_Ford

[Edward_or_Ford]

Another review, following the posting of Chapter 3:

ForgetMeNaught finlightseek@yahoo.com 2015-05-12 id # 3000070504 Beautiful ideas are present here throughout, Mr. Ford. I applaud your courage for turning toward angst instead of sickly sweet romance; you'll be pleasantly rewarded for that path here as much as you were in Fistbump the original.

Just a quick note though: you've taken to using page breaks, which is good for pacing your story, but you don't need to use page breaks when flipping between character perspectives when they're the main characters and in the same room at the same time. Again, just a note.

ForgetMeNaught has since agreed to assist me with editing of my work, since he posted this review. Since this whole "writing" thing is actually pretty new to me (I was never interested in it before in school, years ago), his input is invaluable.

And thanks again for your continued support of the story. Chapter 4 will be posted shortly.

Edward_or_Ford

[Edward_or_Ford]

Three more reviews, following the publication of Chapter 4 to "Fistbump 2":

Anon 2015-05-15 id # 3000070511 It's sweet they will be able to go back to their love making

Yes yes it is!

xXDasXGoochXx 2015-05-15 id # 3000070512 Ah good job on another chapter.

Thank you, it's more of a setup chapter for what's to come next.

kojivsleo blackshadow_629@hotmail.com 2015-05-16 id # 3000070519 Nice to see that unlike some stories they're trying to talk their problems out and try to solve the issue instead of tying to deny it exist.
question, did you ever get those stories I sent to you, and have you made up your mind about posting on fanfiction?

Hmm, you may notice that one half of this pairing has been a little bit more willing to deny that there's a problem with continuing to pursue their relationship.

As far as fanfiction.net goes, kojivsleo has been encouraging me to submit my stories there. He sent me a list of some more mature stories he's found there, as evidence that "Fistbump" may be appropriate to be published. I have to do some reading first, before I decide or not.

Edward_or_Ford

[Edward_or_Ford]

More quick reviews, following Chapter 5's release:

xXDasXGoochXx 2015-05-18 id # 3000070526 you should totally pick up the tely becaus i fuckin called it!

Belfry 2015-05-20 id # 3000070542 OH NO! It's cold! It's cruel! Just ten more seconds!

Yes, the rather "abrupt" end of Chapter 5 was a tad predictable (it's not like I didn't foreshadow the possibility), and also pretty brutal timing for the twins. But I think that ten more seconds might have made things even *worse*, though: can you imagine trying to process your parents walking in the door at the *same time* as you're coming inside your sister? Yikes, instant systems crash!

Edward_or_Ford

[Edward_or_Ford]

Chapter 6 up for a couple of days now, and a couple of quick reviews...

Anon 2015-05-24 id # 3000070553 It can't be over Dipper tell your parents

Ummm, I think it's been fairly well established that Dipper is positive that their parents would physically move one of them out of the house if they knew about the relationship. I'm pretty sure telling them would be a bad idea!

xXDasXGoochXx 2015-05-24 id # 3000070556 wow...who knew wincest could be so complicated.

Ha, I assume you're referring to Dipper's ludicrously convoluted plan for getting out of Mabel's room. I loved writing that paragraph. It shows how Dipper can get so into making complex plans to solve problems logically, but never thinks to include Mabel in anything critical to success. If he could only ever figure out how to depend on someone other than himself, things would come so much easier for him.

_________

And, your wait for the next chapter begins. I'm currently going through a nasty bout of writer's block. I know exactly what Chapter 7 needs to accomplish, but I hate everything that's coming out on the screen for the last couple of weeks.

Please be patient, I'll get past this eventually.

Edward_or_Ford

[Edward_or_Ford]

Another reaction to Chapter 6 (and I kind of expected this one...)

kojivsleo blackshadow_629@hotmail.com 2015-05-27 id # 3000070572 Dipper you idiot! Well here comes the angst you promised, but hopefully it doesn't go into stupid levels like the show Supernatural has

He's not an idiot, he's just being Dipper, a neurotic and paranoid kid who's probably correct about what would happen if (when) they get caught. But yeah, he does underestimate what kind of a reaction this would create for Mabel.

I've not watched "Supernatural", but I've heard of that which you speak of.

But yeah ... The angst is going to get pretty bad, actually. Just giving you fair warning. Trying to make it bearable is probably why I'm having so much trouble being satisfied with what I'm writing for the upcoming chapters. Hopefully that will be soon.

Edward_or_Ford

Edited May 31, 2015 by Edward_or_Ford

[Edward_or_Ford]

I have a new review for the original Fistbump, and it's phenomenal.

Fairy-Slayer 2015-05-30 id # 3000070584 WARNING: SPOILERS!

All right, this is a pretty excellent story. A bit longer than I usually will read (well, actually listen to) but it was worth it. The slow build-up and deep plunges into the kids' feelings and reactions was pretty good. Maybe a few times I felt some lines, mainly the extra explanations that were easily implied from the context, could have been left out. That would have shortened things a little but got across everything you wanted to express. (Not that I haven't done the same thing, of course. )

Opening was great, especially the blackmail bit to get Stan to agree. The ideas flowed very naturally and believably. The exposition there was good, though it wouldn't have lost anything if you left out the full itinerary since that all gets across well enough in the moment. Still, it was a pretty great plan and definitely fit with what young teens would want to do.

I felt the kids were in-character most if not all of the time. Dipper crying at the museum was a bit of a shock, but in the context of his emotional rollercoaster of a morning it works. Mabel's process was a lot of fun too, and I'm glad that Dipper heard everything. The innocent-enough day itself was entertaining, and the not-so-innocent night was quite hot... after some really sweet and deep soul searching. Also, Dipper's method of calming Mabel after she fell in the water was genius and perfect.

Again, delicious work on all of the sexy scenes, from masturbation to exploration, and then especially full consummation. I'm glad they got to have a lot of fun afterwards, even if Stan caught on and (rightly) put a stop to it. While it's not as happy an ending I might have wanted it didn't end on a down note by any stretch. It left open possibilities (which I'll see when I get to "Fistbump 2." )

As for mechanics and stuff I converted the story to speech and listened instead, which makes some things stand out quite a bit: there were a handful of typos, missed or extra words and the like. Nothing serious or enough to throw the reader. If you'd like the audio files I'll put them on Mega and send you the links via a forum PM... or you can share them with everyone if you like.

Anyway, thanks again for quite a wonderful story, from lead-up, innocent birthday stuff, and then of course the wonderful lovemaking/boinking that ensued.

I figure the story has now been up and finished for over 2 months, so I'm okay with the spoilers. Plus FairySlayer added a warning, so that's great.

It is true that I prefer a slow build to the story, making sure that the reader understands the emotions and motivations of the characters, and that the events are necessary in laying the groundwork for what happens in the end. I'm glad that there is an audience that likes this type of story, and I'm just happy to share it with them. FairySlayer, thank you very much for the appreciative words.

The most interesting part was that FairySlayer converted all 10 chapters to MP3 format, and shared them with me. I find them pretty janky, and really requires focus to listen to, but nonetheless it is very nice to have them available as a resource. I will figure out how to share them, as per the permission granted above.

Edward_or_Ford

[Belfry]

Is FairySlayer is doing the same to other stories?

[Edward_or_Ford]

In a private PM, FairySlayer told me that he(?) has a process for running text through a Word macro to do some basic cleanup of the formatting, then runs it through a Text-to-Speech program called "eSpeak". Didn't say specifically, but I gather he does this for all stories of any significant length. Generally does this so he can walk and travel while listening, and to avoid eye strain. He wanted to clean up the code for the process before sharing it out. In any rate, here are the links to Fistbump, that he shared with me:

• Edward_or_Ford - Fistbump 01.mp3
• Edward_or_Ford - Fistbump 02.mp3
• Edward_or_Ford - Fistbump 03.mp3
• Edward_or_Ford - Fistbump 04.mp3
• Edward_or_Ford - Fistbump 05.mp3
• Edward_or_Ford - Fistbump 06.mp3
• Edward_or_Ford - Fistbump 07.mp3
• Edward_or_Ford - Fistbump 08.mp3
• Edward_or_Ford - Fistbump 09.mp3
• Edward_or_Ford - Fistbump 10.mp3

Just because I found the idea interesting, I've actually just been finishing making better versions of "Fistbump", by manually recording the output of my Android phone's output through the headphone jack. They sound much better to my ears, but took quite a bit more effort to actually do than I'm sure FairySlayer had to do. Here's the link to the folder with all the files:

https://mega.co.nz/#F!WgBjzS6A!K4YxVHoG4R4fpBZQtusW4Q

In case you want to know how I did this:

• Installed the Ivona TTS HQ app on the (Android 5.0) phone, then downloaded the "Kendra" (US English) file.
• Went into the phone's settings and changed the default TTS engine to Kendra
• Installed the Cool Reader ebook reading app (which can use the TTS engine)
• Did a "save as" on the story as a "TXT" file (not RTF, as Cool Reader has issues with italics and bold), then transfer to the phone
• Opened the TXT in Cool Reader, verifying that the program's "read aloud" feature works.
• Plugged the phone's headphone jack into the computer's "line in" jack.
• Used Audacity on the computer to record the audio playing from the phone into the computer, then convert to MP3 (make sure you put the phone in airplane mode so it doesn't ring while you're playing the file back).
• Used MP3TAG to clean up the metadata, and add album art to the files.

Yikes, that was a lot of effort, but it actually sounds pretty good! The biggest issue is the lack of interpretation of emphasis: my dialogue uses italics heavily, and all that is lost in the audio. Still, hope some folks enjoy it. Have at it, everyone!

Edward_or_Ford

[Guest]

What's the voice come out like?

[Edward_or_Ford]

Not terrible, a little "dispassionate" for sure, but very intelligible. Download the introduction and a chapter or two, and see.

Edward_or_Ford

[Guest Simi]

Hey. I would like tell you, this is really good story.

I like how the characters are built, the relationship between them, and really cool romance, etc.

Honestly, I only wish that you had to mix story with religion. You know ... the Bible and this stuff. It's a little awkward. For me, at least.

Overall, I hope that there will be a happy ending.

I can't wait next chapter. So..keep up the great work.

[Edward_or_Ford]

Glad you're enjoying it.

Honestly, I only wish that you had to mix story with religion. You know ... the Bible and this stuff. It's a little awkward. For me, at least.

There is a reason for the subtle religious context. And not just the obvious one (the fact that the parents are devout Christians and therefore extremely opposed to the nature of their relationship).

You'll get the answers when I get past this damned writer's block and finish the story. (Fucking angst! I didn't know it would be so hard to write!) Sorry for now.

Overall, I hope that there will be a happy ending.

Maybe???? ;-)

Edward_or_Ford