GEMINI Posted October 18, 2014 Report Share Posted October 18, 2014 Just finished the chapter. Great as always. Nice message he gave to the new acting sheriff. Better the card than him for right now. Of course Max has not left the funeral yet and it could get really bloody. Now onto another matter, About Suzi, will she stay with her mother or will they all go home to Max's house. Also need more background on what Rick use to be, either Delta, Seals, Ranger or Green Beret. Only the great and powerful Magusfang knows and you will let us know in your sweet and evil way. Have a great time off. Do not get blown up or shot that would require the girls to whip you butt. Same goes for me about Rick's background and also what Suzy might do. I have a feeling no matter how much see love her mother, I don't think she can leave the safety Rick and Max has given her. Rescue25 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rescue25 Posted October 18, 2014 Report Share Posted October 18, 2014 (edited) Almost another cliffhanger. Glad you kept going after one of the twins got hit. Going to the funeral from that had me wondering. Obviously someone is running the sheriff's office. "I'ii pass the message on". Suspect they will need more coffins: YEAH. Love the twins in Kevlar. Interesting to see what you will do with the ranch situation. Enjoy your time "off the grid". "We" will start hounding you in a week. B Edited October 18, 2014 by Rescue25 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rescue25 Posted October 18, 2014 Report Share Posted October 18, 2014 Sorry the above post was mine. Thought I was signed in but found out connection on tablet was lost and closed me out including logging me off the site. I thought I had it set up to be logged on at all times. Will have to fix that again. Having problems with my tablet also. Screen too small ond typing with a stylus is a PAIN. Mostly using a laptop with a full keyboard. I agree with you post that generated this one. B Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GEMINI Posted October 18, 2014 Report Share Posted October 18, 2014 Having problems with my tablet also. Screen too small ond typing with a stylus is a PAIN. Mostly using a laptop with a full keyboard. I agree with you post that generated this one. B I have the same problem too with my tablet, when I'm not near my computer or laptop Rescue25 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest wolf7700 Posted October 18, 2014 Report Share Posted October 18, 2014 Still not overly happy with the last part, but it sorta works now, though I guess I could've developed it more...oh well. Chapter 26 is up Still not overly happy with the last part, but it sorta works now, though I guess I could've developed it more...oh well. Chapter 26 is up This is the best storie I have read. I am a big fan of yours read your stories on the other site Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magusfang Posted October 19, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 19, 2014 Thanks, I'm trying to get one more chapter up, but not getting anywhere fast...Oh well maybe I'll have a chance to write while I'm working, usually a lot of free time Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angeldust Posted October 19, 2014 Report Share Posted October 19, 2014 If you are working use the free time to rest and plot, write only if it moves you and no not while you go potty. Rescue25 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magusfang Posted October 19, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 19, 2014 but the potty is the only place I get peace and quiet when I'm home! COJimmyV and Rescue25 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted October 19, 2014 Report Share Posted October 19, 2014 Chapter 26 not bad though probably not the best. It seemed a little lacking of your normal flare. Not sure about the title fitting the chapter, but maybe I missed something, beyond the closing threat. Loved the transition of Tali being shot and the funeral, had me a little concerned until kept reading. I also liked the message of the playing card. Not sure it goes to prove that max can deliver on his promise on a blood bath. Might have been better, though harder to write maybe, to have all four of them take a shot. And a new sheriff so soon, means was promoted from the ranks. Max may need to look more at the politicians of his town. Anyway Emma is not going to be happy that they slipped up to where one of the twins got shot. The situation with Petra and family is a fine edge. If she stays with Max and gang she may have issues because she had to leave her mother. If she stays with her mother its issues about leaving her new family. I see one solution but then I'm not a writer so what do I know. As they use to say, just my two cents worth. Keep up the good work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jelad Posted October 19, 2014 Report Share Posted October 19, 2014 :Eye:just finished chapter 26 and I really liked it. I even liked the end and can't wait to see what happens with Petra, Suzie and Tatiana. I also agree that the girls are gonna be pissed when they find our that Tali got shot. Good luck to Max. Magus you get one week before we start hounding you, have fun LOL. Peace Jelad Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magusfang Posted October 19, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 19, 2014 Chapter 26 not bad though probably not the best. It seemed a little lacking of your normal flare. Not sure about the title fitting the chapter, but maybe I missed something, beyond the closing threat. Loved the transition of Tali being shot and the funeral, had me a little concerned until kept reading. I also liked the message of the playing card. Not sure it goes to prove that max can deliver on his promise on a blood bath. Might have been better, though harder to write maybe, to have all four of them take a shot. And a new sheriff so soon, means was promoted from the ranks. Max may need to look more at the politicians of his town. Anyway Emma is not going to be happy that they slipped up to where one of the twins got shot. The situation with Petra and family is a fine edge. If she stays with Max and gang she may have issues because she had to leave her mother. If she stays with her mother its issues about leaving her new family. I see one solution but then I'm not a writer so what do I know. As they use to say, just my two cents worth. Keep up the good work. Yeah, not really happy with the chapter either, it just doesn't seem to flow; I actually deleted the whole first attempt. But I struggled with it for so long and it just seemed to get worse! Figured it was time to just take my lumps and move on. The tittle is actually supposed to give you a hint at the next few chapters, an attempt a foreshadowing I think I tried to pack too much into this chapter, I had a lot of good ideas that I should have developed more and maybe that would have made it less choppy. I think ythis should have been spread out over two or three chapters...live and learn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMan7307 Posted October 19, 2014 Report Share Posted October 19, 2014 Good chapter... not your best, but, still good. Emma won't be extatic over Tali getting shot, but, I'll love to see where things go with the new sheriff. I have a feeling he's going to be as stupid as the old one and keep pressing Max to where there's total devastation.... Here come's the BOOM!!! they're gonna need it, some people you just can't teach, always gotta be the hard way. Still waiting patiently for the next in NorthStar too, but, clown cars don't give you much room to type in especially when you're stuck driving them. Glad to have you back tho. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rescue25 Posted October 19, 2014 Report Share Posted October 19, 2014 Good chapter... not your best, but, still good. Emma won't be extatic over Tali getting shot, but, I'll love to see where things go with the new sheriff. I have a feeling he's going to be as stupid as the old one and keep pressing Max to where there's total devastation.... Here come's the BOOM!!! they're gonna need it, some people you just can't teach, always gotta be the hard way. Still waiting patiently for the next in NorthStar too, but, clown cars don't give you much room to type in especially when you're stuck driving them. Glad to have you back tho. I think you have a point. He did offer to turn it into a bloodbath now. But the sheriff did say he would pass the message on. Maybe to one of the attendees, who may decide to call it a bluff. That could make it very interesting and more than a little scary. Don't know what Max is carrying. Only 4 snipers and probably 30 plus potential targets. Most sniper rifles are bolt not semi. Guess we will just have to wait until Mags decides to give another dose of nerve medicine. B Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sniper014 Posted October 19, 2014 Report Share Posted October 19, 2014 I think you have a point. He did offer to turn it into a bloodbath now. But the sheriff did say he would pass the message on. Maybe to one of the attendees, who may decide to call it a bluff. That could make it very interesting and more than a little scary. Don't know what Max is carrying. Only 4 snipers and probably 30 plus potential targets. Most sniper rifles are bolt not semi. Guess we will just have to wait until Mags decides to give another dose of nerve medicine. B no the older rifles were bolt action. But the 50 caliber berreta and the FAL rifles are semi automatic. That way we do not lose target sighting chambering the next round. When you are sighting a target over a mile away you do not want to lose it having to chamber the next round. Remember his dad was making weapons for the government. Four rifles with 10 rounds per mag is 40 rounds going down range at a time. And if they are smart they would stagger their shots so that they are not all loading at the same time. And if they carry ten mags each that is 400 rounds going down range. Good blood bath and lots of caskets needed. Rescue25 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darthel0101 Posted October 19, 2014 Report Share Posted October 19, 2014 ... I also liked the message of the playing card. Not sure it goes to prove that max can deliver on his promise on a blood bath. Might have been better, though harder to write maybe, to have all four of them take a shot. ... The point is, I think, that they were being watched instead of how many were watching. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darthel0101 Posted October 19, 2014 Report Share Posted October 19, 2014 Yeah, not really happy with the chapter either, it just doesn't seem to flow; I actually deleted the whole first attempt. But I struggled with it for so long and it just seemed to get worse! Figured it was time to just take my lumps and move on. The tittle is actually supposed to give you a hint at the next few chapters, an attempt a foreshadowing I think I tried to pack too much into this chapter, I had a lot of good ideas that I should have developed more and maybe that would have made it less choppy. I think ythis should have been spread out over two or three chapters...live and learn There will be times where your story will need more than one chapter to tell what happens. When that happens, plan the path that your story will take and then write that path. If it doesn't gel with one chapter than use more with breaks where they make sense. You are the one who knows where your story will go; you are the only one who can take it there. Ultimately, you are the one who must be satisfied with your work. WE have the easy job of simply enjoying your presentation. Rescue25 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rescue25 Posted October 19, 2014 Report Share Posted October 19, 2014 no the older rifles were bolt action. But the 50 caliber berreta and the FAL rifles are semi automatic. That way we do not lose target sighting chambering the next round. When you are sighting a target over a mile away you do not want to lose it having to chamber the next round. Remember his dad was making weapons for the government. Four rifles with 10 rounds per mag is 40 rounds going down range at a time. And if they are smart they would stagger their shots so that they are not all loading at the same time. And if they carry ten mags each that is 400 rounds going down range. Good blood bath and lots of caskets needed. Thanks ! Of course I'm old school and not necessarily up to day on modern advances. The other consideration is that, from the way I read the story, the range is probably less than 100 yards. One other item the local druggies are affiliated with a larger gang in another city. So many directions this could go. B Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rescue25 Posted October 19, 2014 Report Share Posted October 19, 2014 Yeah, not really happy with the chapter either, it just doesn't seem to flow; I actually deleted the whole first attempt. But I struggled with it for so long and it just seemed to get worse! Figured it was time to just take my lumps and move on. The tittle is actually supposed to give you a hint at the next few chapters, an attempt a foreshadowing I think I tried to pack too much into this chapter, I had a lot of good ideas that I should have developed more and maybe that would have made it less choppy. I think ythis should have been spread out over two or three chapters...live and learn Still a good chapter, in my opinion. Many possibilities. You can develop the threads in future posts. The only problem I see is that it will usually take too long to do that in one chapter and "the natives get restless"!. NOW if sped your fingers up and could give us 30 thousand or more words in less than a week that would be AWESOME ! B Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angeldust Posted October 19, 2014 Report Share Posted October 19, 2014 (edited) Unfortunately this and the other site he posts on are free reads and thus he must earn and live a life. Unless everyone are willing to set up s paypal plan for him. Edited October 19, 2014 by angeldust Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rescue25 Posted October 19, 2014 Report Share Posted October 19, 2014 Unfortunately this and the other site he posts on are free reads and thus he must earn and live a life. Unless everyone are willing to set up s paypal plan for him. Real world sucks at times ! B Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magusfang Posted October 20, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 20, 2014 Wow, third world country, terminal is littl more than a shack - but its got Wi-Fi! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rescue25 Posted October 20, 2014 Report Share Posted October 20, 2014 Wow, third world country, terminal is littl more than a shack - but its got Wi-Fi! Head down. Vest up ! B Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hundybuns Posted October 23, 2014 Report Share Posted October 23, 2014 Wow its been so quiet here lately since Magus went away. I guess everyone is getting their work done so when Magus comes back with a new chapter we can all jump on it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jelad Posted October 23, 2014 Report Share Posted October 23, 2014 this week is taking forever to get over. after the week is over and he's back we still might have to wait a couple of days, if he didn't have time to write. I am seriously going through withdrauls, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hundybuns Posted October 23, 2014 Report Share Posted October 23, 2014 I know what you mean. I think I have read Boy, Girls and Northstar a couple of times each already. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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