writing about breasts

[pippychick]

Hi SirGeneralSir,

From the part you’ve written it does strike me that the girls are all a bit… well, unresponsive to say they’re in a hyper-aroused state. Just because they’re unconscious, it doesn’t follow that they’re inert. Details count.

Describe their breathing, how it sounds. Is it stuttering? Do they occasionally sigh or gasp? Perhaps make nonsense sounds?

Are they shivering, or maybe trembling? Do they react to anything? Touch? Noise? Standard response to things like light in the eyes? Is there any REM to mention?

Are they physically hot? Can the attendees feel it radiating off them? Are they sweating, and if so, does it have any specific scent, something redolent of arousal?

There are so many ways to describe these girls, even unconscious, that will enhance the experience for the reader and make it clear what is being witnessed.

And, not to confuse you further, but in regard to the wet panties bit… if the girls are wet, and highly aroused, regardless of the fact they’re unconscious, then they may well be experiencing orgasm (in which case some of the above will definitely apply). If I was writing a scene like this, I’d be considering a good description of female ejaculation. Yes, it does exist.

And… lastly, how does viewing the girls affect the medical personnel? I mean, a well-constructed paragraph or two about a doctor trying to maintain some semblance of professional conduct in the face of something like this would be good. From what you’ve said, these girls are trying to attract ‘mates’ aren’t they? If so, then asleep they may be, but they should have real presence in this scene, enough to garner a response in the witnesses, even if it’s not acted upon.

dafdes

[SirGeneralSir]

going to be a big one here

Shizune opened the door to reveal a nurse removing a needle from Sakura having finished sedating them, just like Ino and Hinata, they were strapped to beds with straps tied just above their elbows, another set of straps tied down just above the knee.

Chakra suppressing chains were used around their wrists and ankles preventing them from trying to escape, once they were all inside Shizune closed and locked the door behind her as the nurse left.

Cho moved over to Sakura and began to use her medical jutsu to scan the girl, she noticed that Sakura had an elevated temperature and her face was flushed.

Her breathing was shallow and irregular, but what caught her attention the most what that her hormonal levels were also being affected.

She then repeated the process with Ino and Hinata, once she finished, Cho moved away and faced the others in the room.

“The original findings are mostly correct, their chakra is imbalanced but it is not causing the unstable mentality in them.

I do have some suspicions but that can wait, we must place a chakra dampening seal on them, while the chakra imbalance isn’t the cause it is affecting them.

Shizune-San we will need your assistance to monitor Sakura, Akako will observe Ino and Kameyo will watch Hinata while the rest of us place the seals on them.”

Cho and Juro stood on opposite sides of Sakura as she looked past them in an obviously drugged state, the two cut opened the top of her hospital gown covering her globes of flesh, Sakura’s erect little nubs stabbing into the air proving Cho with more information on her physical state.

Hiroshi and Kaemon stood next to Ino and repeated the same process of opening her gown in the same manner, Ino had slightly larger breasts and her nipples were just as erect as Sakura’s, again Cho again took note of this.

Hisako and Kazuo standing next to Hinata, they too opened up her gown revealing her mountains of flesh, just like the other girls her nipples were reaching for the sky and clearly swollen, Cho took notice of the odd abnormalities.

“This is most interesting indeed, Shizune-San did you or Tsunade check their reproductive cycles during your tests?”

“Eh? No, we didn’t think that such a test was necessary, did you find something?”

Cho then lifted the lower half of Sakura’s gown revealing her panties were clearly wet, she then looked over to Hiroshi, only to find the same results with Ino, Hisako revealed Hinata’s lower half revealing the same condition.

Kazuo looked up towards the Cho gaining her attention.

“It would appear that in a way, the three of them are in a hyperactively aroused state, almost as if they were in heat.

It would explain Kiba’s reaction towards Hinata to the point of almost raping her, considering her emotional attachment towards Naruto, I can only assume that in her mind she has already found her mate, but that alone would not explain the other two.”

“Perhaps something happened in the cave that they were not comfortable revealing to us, if Naruto’s unstable chakra entered their bodies while they were sexually aroused, it could have triggered something primal in them due to his primal state.”

Hisako said as she watched the others tending to the girls.

“Look at this, it would appear that there is more to this condition than we first suspected.”

Kaemon said as Cho moved over towards him.

“What I do here, I do as a medic.”

Kazuo then gently squeezed Hinata’s breast and milk started to flow from her nipple as the young woman also let out a low moan of pleasure.

Cho began to process the information then looked to Hisako and Juro, giving them both a nod. They too squeezed the breast of Sakura and Ino, revealing that they too were lactating as well getting a moan from said girl.

does this read well?

[Letoria]

I think, in referring to the original question, it would all depend on your target audience. If writing for a male audience, you can probably get away with wallowing in detail about breast sizes as if you carry a measuring tape with you. When I start reading an erotic story, and within the first two paragraphs I read something like, "His eyes took in Mary's firm 40DD tits (or breasts)..." I know its porn aimed at a male audience. But I suspect it's a perfectly acceptable way to describe breasts for the right audience.

I don't think a gay or bi woman reader is over fascinated by breast size. I'm in the process of writing an erotic lesbian story that's now up to 200+ pages, and I don't think I've ever done more than make vague reference to size or appearance. Texture of the nipple when suckling and nibbling, absolutely. Describing how a breast feels in your hand or under the pads of your fingers as you caress it, the textures, the reactions of your lover when you flick her nipple with your tongue are all good techniques when writing erotica aimed at a female audience -- and it works for men interested in reading more than porn. Remember guys, it shouldn't come across like she's having a breast exam at her annual ob/gyn appointment. Be creative and subtle, ever so subtle.

Insofar as lactation is concerned, it's quite possible for a woman to lactate without being within 20 years of her last pregnancy. It's not easy, and it isn't going to happen in the heat of the moment. It takes time and a lot a patience (plus there are drugs which can speed up the process). There's an entire subculture devoted to it called Adult Nursing Relationships.

[magusfang]

Yeah, never understood how the narrator knows the exact size of breasts with out a tape measure, I just use the standard size descriptors: large, buxom, pert small flat...

Sounds less clinical to me anyway, and if you want a hot, or even loving, sex scene, clinical descriptions just ruin it.

[Desiderius Price]

On 6/28/2014 at 12:10 AM, magusfang said:

Yeah, never understood how the narrator knows the exact size of breasts with out a tape measure, I just use the standard size descriptors: large, buxom, pert small flat...

Sounds less clinical to me anyway, and if you want a hot, or even loving, sex scene, clinical descriptions just ruin it.

What?  The parole officer would insist on using a tape measure at every encounter… maybe they want repeat business? 

Applies to the male side to, usually I’ll go with the relative size too… I mean, small/medium/large usually covers what I need to convey, that’s typically more important unless two characters are getting into a hissy fit.