Tomb Raider: Fat Man Chronicles, review and discussion thread.

[Guest NOT just another asshole]

THANK FUCKING GOD!!! I was worried you were fucking dead! Glad you're alive, and well. Glad you're still writing to. Opinions are like assholes... and every asshole feels the need to vent shit. Don't ever let em rile ya.

[Guest BOOOOOOO YEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHH]

Mother fucker your back! Dude I hear ya on yer points, and I can't thank you and "Justtheone" enough for top notch lit. smutt. Sorry for my review/rant, I just didn't understand the napalm drop. 'I' read a quality piece of lit.: Comprehendible, consistant flow of narrative and tone, and w/ the exception of the personal taste shit I brought up, a great tissue baster.

Go on brother... just for you.

FAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPP!!!

[HunterOpera]

Try to ignore the trolls; the Lara you've built and the world she exists within is one of the better stories on this site, and one of the better representations of such I've come across, period. I continue to be a huge fan of your work, and tend to think that you're one of the most qualitative writers working around here.

Certainly, Bergman wouldn't have happened without you, and your skill at building conflict in psycho-sexual situations is good enough to be studied.

[MorbidFantasy]

Try to ignore the trolls; the Lara you've built and the world she exists within is one of the better stories on this site, and one of the better representations of such I've come across, period. I continue to be a huge fan of your work, and tend to think that you're one of the most qualitative writers working around here.

Certainly, Bergman wouldn't have happened without you, and your skill at building conflict in psycho-sexual situations is good enough to be studied.

At 26 and with more than half my life spent on the internet, I'm too jaded to be affected by trolls. I'm sure the guest posters mean well, probably just trying to make sure I hadn't disappeared into the void of fanfiction writers who leave without a good-bye note.

Thanks for the support though. Always nice to know a fellow writer appreciates my work. Still looking forward to your update to The Bergman Affair. I'll probably be updating with two chapters in a week or so.

[Guest Guest]

Hit it on the head again Morbo.

In my case.

GLAD YOU'RE OK.

[Guest Guest]

You got this 'zen' thng going on within you that is impressive regarding assholes like me.

I admire that. Genuine 'inner grace' is rare. I hope you never loose it.

[Guest Guest]

You hear that Luke? Palpetine thinks you are strong in the force. It's called 'class'; That thing self appointed Everests like you (guest) slept through. Seeing as there are a squad of you - which one are you?

If you got something to contribute to him 'great' seems he just said he likes it if not...fap.

[Guest BOO YEAH!!!]

Bye the way... that last post is me. You got that already - right? What could have given it away?

No need to mention the irony.

FAPPPPPPPPPPPPP....

[Guest Guest]

Awww isn't that cute 'Hunter' is calling people names for having opinions that differ from his. Childish. Don't worry baby waby the big bad trolls won't ever bother with 'Bergman'. Why would we when we already read it this. Your god's never ending bible.

[Guest Guest]

The birth of 'The Bergman Affair.'

I got an idea! No, wait, I don't. Hey... what's this? Lara Croft in bondage to a fat security guard? Wow! You know, I could steal... er, adopt this style of writing, story premise, etc.; and as long as I stroke this guys ego... I can practically be him. Genius. Who needs to be original, and develop as an artist when they just need to be a convincing sycophant.

[Guest Constructive crit. really]

I'm going to make an observation regarding your writing compared to Bitman 717. First, he was amazing, as are you. That said, he used, almost verbatem, the same description to describe Lara being body searched from one story to the next. You never have.

My concern is that there is a danger of repetition if she is placed in another gang bang situation. Lets be honest, there are only so many ways one can describe it without it becoming .It may have years between the two scenes for you; but only hours for the reader.

[Guest Guest]

I respect the fuck out of you Morbid. I don't say that in reference to FMC, though it is excellent, if not with a few plot changes, and what seem pointless exagerated scenes far exceeding the point of overkill; and the idea she would get stuck in this mess in the first place does take a considerable stretch to accept. What I respect is you. Your honest assesment of your work to critics, and your balanced, fair treatment of them in your responses to them. You are a gentleman.

Hunter is not. Sorry but he isn't. For a man of 36 he acts like a three or six year old. Learn from Morbid once more child.... maturity.

[MorbidFantasy]

Ok now I'm actually annoyed.

First- do not bash the works of other authors in this thread. Feel free to make objective comparisons between their work and mine if you think it's constructive to my development of this fic, Please stay on topic regarding the purpose of this thread, which is for me to take and answer reader feedback.

Second-accusations of plagiarism are easy to make as a reader, but are a huge deal to writers who devote their time to put down in words the fruits of their creative mind. For those of you who've never written or published a substantially long work of writing, you might not understand this, but unfounded accusations of plagiarism is tantamount to me taking a shit on your doorstep, ringing the bell, then staying there as you open the door only to take a piss on your leg.

I was inspired in my own writings by the works of VGSS, deathstalker, elklodge, and many other writers on this site. at least 70% of the bondage/bdsm situations found in FMC and my other works were directly learned and inspired by other talents on AFF. To accuse an author on AFF of plagiarism simply because he uses similar sexual acts as another author is to accuse all of us of some form of plagiarism.

Artistic integrity is found in the prose, the infrastructure, the pacing, and a creativity in execution. Even if Hunter or another author were to write a sex scene with the exact same participants and sex acts as me, I'm certain we would make our own unique choice of wording, dialogue and rhythm.

Third- I like to think that I'm brutally honest in assessing my own writing, which is why I will seldom be surprised by any criticism that you guys can throw at me. Chances are I've already thought of those in retrospection. That being said, the behavior of several of the guest posters in this thread do border on being snide and abusive, enough to warrant an accusation of trolling or needless spamming.

Just because Hunter calls someone a troll and I did not does not mean either of us is more mature than the other. There is a good chance that if some of the posts in this thread were to make it into the discussion thread for The Bergman Affair I'd be the one telling him to "ignore the trolls". It's part of the camaraderie between authors who understand the amount of work that goes into writing, and is not what some of you are describing as a self-aggrandizing circle-jerk.

Lastly- Seriously, this isn't even a topic worth fighting over. The amount of emotion behind some of these posts have me asking myself if I had just committed mass murder or pissed on your preferred political party. The point of AFF is for enjoyment, and I have a feeling some of us need to be reminded of that before we give ourselves needless migraines over my poor decision making regarding plot choices.

Cheer up folks, and try to have fun without continuing this pissing contest.

[MorbidFantasy]

I'm going to make an observation regarding your writing compared to Bitman 717. First, he was amazing, as are you. That said, he used, almost verbatem, the same description to describe Lara being body searched from one story to the next. You never have.

My concern is that there is a danger of repetition if she is placed in another gang bang situation. Lets be honest, there are only so many ways one can describe it without it becoming .It may have years between the two scenes for you; but only hours for the reader.

This post I feel the need to quote before I reply.

One of the reasons for long lapses in updating is intimately related to the situation you've just described here. There's only so many times an author can write the lead-up to sex before writer's fatigue sets in. Only so many times you can describe a woman being bound before you're recycling verbs and adjectives or reusing short descriptions of non-essential narrative.

Your concern regarding the repetition of gang bang is precisely why I intend on phasing most of that out of FMC. The prison gang rape arc was more or less me reliving certain mindsets of mine from when I was writing The Reality of Lara's Legend, which basically was a head-count fest to see how many enemies existed in each level of the game to fuck Lara with.

1 on 1 encounters avoids the distraction of the numbers game, and generally is a better vehicle for me to work in intimate details.

Because Bitamin717 took his fics off of the site and I neglected to make personal copies of them, I can't say for certain if your statement of his recycling descriptions is accurate.

What I can say though is that Bitamin's dialogue scripting was hugely inspiring, and far better than the dialogue that I had been writing up until that point. The one thing I took away from his fics is the utility of dialogue as a character building tool, whereas my earlier writing either had hackneyed/unrealistic dialogue or relied heavily on inner monologue or heavy narrating.

On the other hand, I've actually found some new inspiration in reading my oldest work, NFS Enslavement of Mia Townshend. Don't get me wrong, that fic is still quite low in my personal grading scale, but after several years of willfully ignoring its existence, I reread it the other day to rediscover parts of myself (the libido driven mind of a highschooler) that I had long since forgotten. Many of the ideas that went into that short fic (it clocked in at between 12000 and 16000 words iirc) are being reiterated with FMC, except with greater detail and what I'd like to think is improved prose.

Ok, done rambling. I'm not promising anything, but right now I have a version of FMC's upcoming chapters that I'm relatively confident in keeping, so look for an update in the next week or two. As an apology for my chronically slow update cycle, I'll try my bestest to make this a double chapter release.

[Guest Constructive Crit. really]

Bitman 717, writing under the name Porneater, still has stories on this TR sight. The two I refer to are TR Origins, and TR Takedown. Thank you for the prompt response.

[MorbidFantasy]

That's both good news and bad news. Good news is he still has works available to read. Bad news that he gave up smut writing over a year ago.

In other news, a few of the more spammy/flame-ish posts have been deleted by a moderator at my request. The moderator also gave me the option of requesting IP bans for the guest-owner(s) of a few of the posts.

I've decided to not do that, at least for the moment. I feel that it would be hard to be impartial for me to request IP bans for my own thread. That being said, from now on any post that clearly has no relevance to FMC and exist only to flame, troll or spam this thread will be reported and deleted. IP banning is also not off the table if the worst comes to pass.

I highly encourage those who want to provide constructive criticism to shed their complete anonymity and register as a user on this site, so I can properly give credit where credit is due. I also tend to take more stock what a legit user has to say, even if it's an angry rant regarding my writing.

[Guest Guest]

Do you ever respond to e-mails?, or do you only respond to inquiries made regarding this story made in the public domain? If the answer is yes, what criterea must be met for you to do so?

[Guest Everyman]

Good luck with this project. I wish you the best in bringing it to a successful, and gratifying conclusion. Try to not judge people too harshly based on the passion your own work provokes. I'm sure you consider this spam, and will have it removed. Feel free to ban me, I have nothing more to say regarding this excellent work, and will never darken this forum with an opinion contrary to yours again.

[Guest Guest]

Are you nuts? It is only in hearing the screams of discord that we learn our weaknesses as writers, or artists, hell as people. A warrior only learns where his skills need honing by the infliction of wounds, not in the cheers of the adoring crowd.

The decision to remove the offending posts was sound. The one fool was a flamming hypocryte. Still, keep the passions flowing, don't discourage the nameless from spouting their venum; it is in the injesting of it we find our strength.

Best of luck.

please have this removed, it is ment only for you, and by all means ban me as well. I can't stand to listen to one opinion being repeated

[MorbidFantasy]

Do you ever respond to e-mails?, or do you only respond to inquiries made regarding this story made in the public domain? If the answer is yes, what criterea must be met for you to do so?

I always respond to emails and reviews. When I called for self-identification, it is mostly for crediting purposes, and not at all so that you have to show who you are on the public forum. Go ahead and email me questions instead of posting them here if you feel the need to do so.

Good luck with this project. I wish you the best in bringing it to a successful, and gratifying conclusion. Try to not judge people too harshly based on the passion your own work provokes. I'm sure you consider this spam, and will have it removed. Feel free to ban me, I have nothing more to say regarding this excellent work, and will never darken this forum with an opinion contrary to yours again.

I think you misunderstand me. I have no problem with passionate criticism that pertain specifically to FMC, even if it's a hate filled diatribe against me. It would be conceited of me to have those people banned.

The posts that I removed however did not have enough content that helped FMC, but rather focused on insinuating that a fellow writer was somehow plagiarizing my story idea of having a strong female lead subjugated and placed in servile situations. The idea is hardly unique to me, I do not own it, and as some of you have pointed out, my execution of this idea is still far from perfect. The removed posts also insinuated that the writer was some how sucking up to me or polishing my knob, which is equally untrue because as I've explained before, writers share a sense of camaraderie and we will defend each other's works sometimes.

So don't stop criticizing, but also keep it civil. IP banning is only reserved for those who do too much bashing of an AFF forum member.

Edited March 4, 2014 by MorbidFantasy

[HunterOpera]

I can't speak for MordbidFantasy, but I value criticism highly; it's the only way one grows as a writer, and the whole point of this for me is to experiment with form and style in a genre that I'm not overly comfortable with. One of the best pieces of criticism I ever got was from an editor who circled an entire page and wrote "this clearly made sense inside your head. Sadly, it makes sense nowhere else but it seems important - if you could maybe explain it, that'd be great." As writers, it's easy to get lost inside your head. We know our worlds, we know what we're trying to describe, and we know it a little too well for our own good. The trick, I think, is in bringing other people into the narrative by using emotion and sensory information conveyed through the perspective of a focal character. That's one of the reasons I jump around in my work, to give the reader a sense of what that character is experiencing and what that character knows.

MorbidFantasy does a great job of this, generally, and his use of dialogue and psychology are a large part of what make his stories work. It's one of the things I admire about his writing. I'm not attempting to be a sycophant so much as sharing my thoughts on what I think another person is doing well, and I've expressed my thoughts on his few failings when they come up. I try to do the latter in a manner that addresses the writing and not the person, because I'd rather foster a talent and see it develop than just give off shrieking amounts of discord. Just sayin.'

TheDaiLi and Bitamin were two other writers who really got the psychology of his characters and built a world that could believably exist within the world he was working in. Bitamin relied a little too heavily on physical descriptions of characters to drive his point home, and it was the weakest part of his craft. TheDaiLi has very few weaknesses other than his scathing hatred for his own work, which can be beneficial at driving one forward but only if one is capable of recognizing one's improvements. As far as mechanics go, I envy Empire-of-Dirt's gift for brevity and wish he or she would write more and more often. I love SlashySmiley's style and grasp on breaking a mind down and reshaping it into something else in a way that feels workable for the characters involved. MTL has a scary-good grasp on psychology and pacing, but tends to repeat certain actions within stories that can sometimes make them repetitive.

I have a great deal of respect for those writers, and like the idea of shooting the shit with them and working out the finer points of style and technique. The strength of their writing (and I'm including MorbidFantasy here) lies in their ability to create a cohesive world and a sense of conflict based around psychology and sex, with the latter as a battleground for the former.

Short version: criticism of writing good, personal attacks bad.

[Guest Guest]

The criticism you refered to as trolling was that the Lara Morbid had writen was mindless and spineless, is that not correct? How is that an attack on him? And your calling the person who wrote it a troll, how isn't it an attack on that person?

Just asking.

I appologize for writing this.

I'm certain it won't be here tomorow. Spam and all.

[HunterOpera]

The criticism you refered to as trolling was that the Lara Morbid had writen was mindless and spineless, is that not correct? How is that an attack on him? And your calling the person who wrote it a troll, how isn't it an attack on that person?

Just asking.

I appologize for writing this.

I'm certain it won't be here tomorow. Spam and all.

It's not spam and you have nothing to apologize for. You're asking for clarity and that's a good thing. To the best of my knowledge, a trolling post is one that lacks in any sort of substance and adds nothing to the conversation. It's taken from the fishing term "trolling," which is dragging a line behind a boat and hoping to grab a fish's attention. It's quite a boring way to fish. Likewise, trolling in terms of comment is dull because it derails the thread of conversation while adding nothing to it. It thrives on attacking the people on the thread and not the content of the thread or what the thread is about in anyway that makes the thread better.

We all have flaws as writers. There's holes in our crafts. Having those pointed out is a good thing, because very few people can see their own flaws. Having the maturity to recognize those flaws when someone points them out is something every writer needs to develop in order to become professional. Observing that a comment lacks in critical analysis and is only looking to assault people is a thing that happens, and the term we've agreed on for someone that does that thing is "troll."

Does that make sense?

[Guest Guest]

Perfectly. Good word for it.

Thank you.

[Guest Guest]

so when can we expect the next chapter?