Tomb Raider: Fat Man Chronicles, review and discussion thread.

[Guest v]

I had a thought about a way Vasily could be a source of almost torturous humiliation/emasculation to Gordo. At the end of "Airtime Interlude" Lara revels in the fact he can't make her enjoy fucking him and it gnaws at him; Vasily however is a different story for many good, and valid reasons. Gordo is an insulting presence to these men - a visualy repugnant man they wan't to make as uncomfortable as possible( "its funny cause hes fat") I think forcing him to watch Lara ride Vasily eagerlly every chance they get would be a way of amuzing them. The fact he was watching would make it that much more tolerable for her.

[Guest unimportant]

Throwing another player into the game (Hanson)? Or... is he going to be the one she gets to kill first? The premise of the piece is that she is in this spot willingly to protect her public/proffesional image... right? Otherwise Gordo would have been dead long ago, Mcvee would have erased/altered the proof in exchange for a quick death once she got to him. Now you have Hanson, A PROFFESIONAL ARCHEOLOGIST, w/ a very interesting tale to tell her proffesional friends. Just do what you will... I'm done with this fic

[Guest -v-]

This Hanson scene has great potential for setting up a personal win for Xavier. It could also seguee into an aparent (to his men) conscentual tryst.

As a 'punishment' for failing to recapture her after the assault, He killed those men who witnessed his shaming. Now, having bullshitted those not there about the source of his injuries, he is 'willing to give her another try' .

Make no mistake, Hanson does not live to tell his tale. Let him have his fun... then kill him. Let X or his men do it... her hero. Then it's Xs find.

[MorbidFantasy]

Throwing another player into the game (Hanson)? Or... is he going to be the one she gets to kill first? The premise of the piece is that she is in this spot willingly to protect her public/proffesional image... right? Otherwise Gordo would have been dead long ago, Mcvee would have erased/altered the proof in exchange for a quick death once she got to him. Now you have Hanson, A PROFFESIONAL ARCHEOLOGIST, w/ a very interesting tale to tell her proffesional friends. Just do what you will... I'm done with this fic

I sort of understand your anger, and in order to address your grievances I'm going to spoil some of my intended plot progression here.

One of the reviews today called into questions my faithfulness to my earlier forum post of not adding any more men into Lara's life. Maybe that was you or was just a like minded reader who took issue with Hanson's inclusion.

Here's my motive behind the current development of Hanson:

Up until now, the men in FMC have largely embodied stereotypical archetypes such as suave mastermind (Everest), obese lecher (Gordo), the otaku nerd (McGee), or even the kind giant (Vasily). They're sexual responses and demands to Lara, including the blackmail and imprisonment, have been bold to the point of masturbatory fantasy, which admittedly was a big motivating factor when I wrote them.

Specifically, their shared reaction to obtaining discrete material on Lara has thus far been pure unrestrained villainy, in that they all immediately jump onto the blackmail bandwagon.

With Hanson, I'm trying something radically different. He is to be a foil to all the other men who are capable of blackmail and coercion.

SPOILERS BELOW:

Obviously since I've contradicted my own plans numerous times, I'll avoid saying anything definite, except this big spoiler: Hanson will never try to blackmail Lara, nor will Lara ever find out about anything Hanson has done/is about to do.

In fact, there is an 80% chance that the follow up chapter to "Excursion" will have Hanson losing his nerve and scurrying out of the motorhome without having done anything to Lara. This is because while I've tried to portray Hanson as a old lecher, I'm also trying to portray his ordinary side. Most of us would have more moral inhibitions regarding spying on a bathing woman, sneaking into her motorhome, raping her in her sleep, and blackmailing her. Hanson has done only the first two, but that's where he differs from Gordo and the rest of the stock villains from earlier who immediately dove right into the sex.

If Hanson does do something, he will do it like a child sneaking a hand into the cookie jar, afraid of getting caught. The thought of blackmail will never even cross Hanson's mind. In fact, he will be on the receiving end of blackmail.

The subplot is that Gordo and Fernando are actually baiting Hanson with Lara, under Everest's orders. They knew he spied on her bathing, and deliberately let her out of the suitcase, drugged, blindfolded and with her hearing taken away. Even if Hanson hadn't done what he did in this chapter, G&F were just going to keep dangling Lara in front of him until he does something stupid. That Hanson even had the nerve to get into the motor home so quickly will actually surprise Gordo and Fernando, although I might not write that surprise so explicitly.

Their purpose? Everest might have an inkling of what the Peru excavation might find (part of my tying FMC into tomb raider themed supernatural), and by getting blackmail information on Hanson (G&F catching him in the act of doing something to an unknowing Lara), they can force Hanson to cooperate with handing over any finds or not publishing certain details about the find. I know that this might seem a little far fetched right now, ala why couldn't they just kill Hanson. Well, I'm hoping to address that at some point in future chapters.

So as long as Hanson is still of use alive, it's easier for the villains to blackmail him for raping an unconscious Lara. Since Hanson doesn't have the backing of some underworld crime institute, he won't even fathom blackmailing Lara, and in fact will be more afraid of Gordo and Fernando telling Lara (or showing her video) of what he did to her. Hanson will fear, rightly so, that Lara will kill him.

And perhaps somewhere in the future when his use has run out, Hanson might yet be killed off. Right now I don't know yet, but I'm just exploring the possibilities of having him doing sneaky things to Lara.

Now that I've typed this much, I'm more like 99% certain that the next chapter will have to involve Hanson being too afraid to actually seal the deal with Lara. It will have to take much more baiting for him to overcome his fear and any residual moral qualms. He'll have to build a rhetorical case in his mind that Lara will probably enjoy the feelings of getting shagged, even if she isn't consciously aware of it.

As for Hanson telling his professional friends about Lara's indiscretions, I think that would reflect more poorly on his character than it would on Lara's. Lots of girls have toys that they play with, and what Lara does in her own privacy is her own business. On the other hand, what was Hanson doing snooping around spying on a bathing lady? What was he doing spying on her through a window and then breaking in to watch her sleep? If he does shag Lara, it will remain his own little secret. The blackmailing of Hanson will only reinforce this, as he will be shown the very deadly consequences of him misbehaving.

Referring back to my comment about limiting the amount of men in Lara's life, I'm going to add the following:

Any men other than the established criminal bosses+cronies that touch Lara will have to have a unique plot-relevant reason for doing so. They won't just be thrown in en mass ala prison gang bang. Lara will be gang banged again at some point but it will also be plot relevant and not just gratuitous smutt. For every man that I introduce, I will do my best to create engaging or at least different personalities for each of them that allows for differentiation. Currently, I'm working on Fernando, who up till this point hasn't really shown anything other than being a crony+handler and thus barely distinguishable from Gordo. Fernando will get his own chapter at some point and be fleshed out, as well as Kitty.

I really do appreciate the criticism. They're perfectly valid because most of the time when I'm writing, it's fueled by my namesake morbid fantasies. A lot of the broken promises or false herrings that I've written in previews or in this forum is due to spontaneous changes in sexual fantasies. It's the reason that i've thrown away some perfectly suitable chapters (plot-wise and sex-wise), simply because I randomly lost interest in them.

So in summation, criticism keeps me grounded and reminds me that I still have to be culpable to plotting in fiction and can't just let my sexual urges dominate everything I write, so keep the comments coming, and thanks in advance!

Edited January 7, 2014 by MorbidFantasy

[Guest unimportant]

WHATEVER!

IF HE RAPES HER - THEY USE HIM - FUCKING KILL HIM FOR DOING IT! NO WITNESSESS.

OR DON'T. I NO LONGER GIVE A FUCK.

[MorbidFantasy]

WHATEVER!

IF HE RAPES HER - THEY USE HIM - FUCKING KILL HIM FOR DOING IT! NO WITNESSESS.

OR DON'T. I NO LONGER GIVE A FUCK.

Interesting. You no longer give a fuck but continue to offer advice.

What is the motivation behind this all-caps post of yours? Are you mad at or disappointed with me? Are you hating specifically on the character of Hanson or are you dissatisfied with where I'm taking this story? A little specificity would help.

Cheers.

[Guest unimportant]

I was baiting you.

I love writing in all caps when shit I read stops showing consistency of what the author initialy promised would be his approach. It pisses me off that you leave people hanging for almost half a year for - this? Are you kidding? Feel free to write a sonnet of sarcastic slams against me.

You want her to have a true victory? No secret smiling asshole voyer/rapist? KILL HIM.

[MorbidFantasy]

Baiting me to do...what? I'm actually confused now.

The irony is that authors normally don't disclose their planning phase and or development for the exact reason that we're having this back and forth here: time and planning changes things. Things that had motivated me or spiked my interest half a year ago no longer do, while other ideas pop into my head. In trying to provide a little transparency into why I take so long to update, I inadvertently burdened you with expectations that are in constant danger of obsolescence.

In any case, I take your criticism in stride, and now ask you this

What specifically, regarding plot progression were you looking forward to, and why do you personally want to see Hanson dead so quickly?

[Guest unimportant]

I was baiting you to respond to me. Usualy you show no interest in statements unless they peek your interest (you get personally called out - I don't have an issue with you personally, just the flow of the story updates, and disparity in what is suggested by you here and what occurs in the course of the story in terms of men: its confusing.)

Now that I got that run-on out of the way. I feel in order to keep to your stated intent of giving her a true victory Hanson cannot be permited to live. He will have gotten away with raping her/ or even just feeling her up... period. That she is unaware of it is meaningless.

[MorbidFantasy]

Oooh the true victory thing.

I guess you do have a point there, in that anyone who has taken advantage of Lara in FMC must die or pay their penance.

While it's probable that once Hanson has run his course of usefulness he'll probably be killed off, there are methods of punishment other than death.

One of the things that I do have written is the last chapter. it's 70% set and done, with the last 30% being reserved for wrapping up potentially new ideas and plot threads that happen from here until the end. While I may meander and change my plans for the story as a whole, the ending is pretty non-negotiable. No one that has taken advantage of Lara sexually will be in a position to continue doing so, or be in a position to expose her. Lara will feel satisfied by the fate of every man in the story. While I initially settled for the easy way out at first which was simply killing them all, the ending now has some "survivors", albeit none that, again, could exploit Lara ever again.

Edited January 7, 2014 by MorbidFantasy

[Guest unimportant]

He would still have the vivid memory to make him 'happy'... kill him.

[MorbidFantasy]

Ugh, you're really baiting me into revealing spoilers lol.

Let's put it this way. There are ways of removing or altering memories other than death. And I did say that Lara's victory will be absolute, so even if she never finds out about Hanson, his comeuppance will be absolute with or without her knowing about it.

[Guest unimportant]

I will relent... lol.

Keep turning it out... but be aware - I will be reading...

GOT IT!!!!????

lol

[Guest Guest]

I get what you're trying to accomplish with Hanson, but you accomplished it in the chapter preceeding this one with his masturbating in her bra.

The man you want him to be seen as whould be terrified of the discovery of the bra in his possession. Unless drugged, he would never try to go near the motor home. He would bury the bra and never make direct eye contact with her again.

The man you created acts like a hypersexed thirteen year old pervert who never got caught doing a panty raid.

[Guest Guest]

So the prison gang rape wasn't plot relevant? But this new one will be? Sounds repetitious, and honestly... boring

[Guest Guest]

Do not waste whole chapters exploring the personalities, and back stories of characters we don't care about beyond their functionality, especialy when you post every six months.

Fernando works for Everest as a liason between the crimelord and the warlord. HE fucks and sexualy degrades Lara and will die for it. He is indistinguishable from Gordo. Don't waste one more word on him on character development beyond "No! Seniora Croft, don't shoot me in the face! my mother loved my face!"

[Guest Guest]

You want to throw a real curve? Kill Gordo in the next few chapters. He tries to retain control of Lara as shes led off, and one of the warlord's men puts one in his head. Done.

Your reasons for keeping him in her orbit are obvious and tired. Hes a degrading obscene repetitious constant, and should be pulled back if not removed entirely.

[Guest BOOO YEAH]

'Unimportant' seems a little stressed, and although your 'fan' -V- (Hugo Weaving fan?) seems well intentioned (now), I think it's time we all jerked off and mellowed out... it's literary porn - not the Bible. THAT said, I like this guy Hanson! I like the idea of him being a perv, sneeking into her rv, gently masturbating her w/ the pussy dido this time, as he rubs one off, till she just hollars out as she cums buckets, scaring the piss out of him, but not waking herself. Emboldened, he goes the next night: this time he massages his cock between her breasts till she thinks hes the big Russian, and she gets off on it. The next night he removes her dildo and ALMOST does her. Enter scum bags. YOU LIKE?

Do me one favor Morbo... cut down on Gordo on our hot little TR? He is killin my buzz, and no more gang bangs bro. Does nothin for me. FAP!

[Guest '?']

Ever think of just keeping the stuff you write that appeals to you 'for you', and publishing the other stuff?

[Guest Guest]

Highly unlikely story in the extreme.All she had to do isdestroy her own hard drive, let him release it, act oblivious to it (as she did the rape) and when her lawyers brought it to light say it wasn't her "it's a doctored video". THE END

[Guest Guest]

I'm refering to Gordo's first care package he sent to initiate the blackmail.

Leave him alive after seeing her kill all those 'unarmed' men? Unlikely - pistol whip him when he turned his back, found his gun (which he had all along, but didn't pull out till she was chained in spite of the fact he knew she had no bullets) kill him for lying, take his keys, etc.

[Guest NOT just another asshole]

Are you ok? Starting to get genuinely concerned regarding your well being.

[Guest Guest]

The Lara you have writen has no mind, no discernible will to break,and no spine. Do not suddenly give her any of them so she can suddenly shut down five crime syndicates at the last minute; when she couldn't handle Gordo and the geek. Let them self destruct. Don't forget consistency of character.

[Guest Guest]

Not so arrogant now are you, mr. "I find it adorable"? Harsh cricitism declaws you. pathetic.

[MorbidFantasy]

Are you ok? Starting to get genuinely concerned regarding your well being.

Is this directed at me? I'm fine, thanks for asking.

The Lara you have writen has no mind, no discernible will to break,and no spine. Do not suddenly give her any of them so she can suddenly shut down five crime syndicates at the last minute; when she couldn't handle Gordo and the geek. Let them self destruct. Don't forget consistency of character.

A little bit, yes. Since FMC is pretty much just me fantasizing about bondage scenes with Lara it's inevitable that most chapters grossly de-powers her. As I do know how this is supposed to end, I can only say that Lara's not going to stumble into some last minute deus ex machina to fix all her problems. There will be sufficient lead up to her vindication.

Not so arrogant now are you, mr. "I find it adorable"? Harsh cricitism declaws you. pathetic.

Where is all this antagonism coming from. You do realize that as much as I enjoy hyping things up, this story, at its core, is pretty much verbal masturbation and thus entirely dispensable to me. It's not like I'm getting paid to post stuff or that you're paying to read what I post. And I have no idea where this "harsh criticism declaws me" assumption is coming from. If you're thinking my absence from this thread is indicative of me being stifled by criticism, I'm afraid the simple truth is I just took a break from fanfiction writing to deal with irl stuff. Ten minutes ago I log in to my mail for the first time in two weeks to see someone has a bone to pick with me.

I'd like to think that I'm far from arrogant. At least regarding something as leisurely as fanfiction writing, there is literally no reason for me to invest any of my arrogance into what is clearly a secret hobbie. Now if one were to insult my occupation or my personal appearance, I would be far more inclined to take offense.

That being said, I do concede that the latest chapter of FMC did not turn out the way I wanted it to be. I get it if some of my long time readers are turned off. If you really think my writing no longer floats your mojo, that's cool with me. On the other hand, rage-posting to get a rise out of me does not work. It will not result in me tailoring my piece to suit your tastes, nor will it make me post faster. Constructive criticism on the other hand I always welcome.

Seriously, take a chill pill. Loves n kisses to all, hmmkay?