Will Pay Naughty Points for Reviews

[Guest Agaib]

I'm a review whore. I'm willing to pay a thousand naughty points per review. Thanks!

The Hunt

A wolf-like stranger invites an exotic dancer to a late night rendezvous. His intentions for her are less than innocent. Beast, M/F, N/C, Oneshot, PWP

Original > Erotica/Sex

Rated [Adult++]

This is My first piece of work I've posted in some time so I want feedback.

[RikuDrak]

How many, before I go and do this? XP

[Guest Agaib]

I think I stated a thousand in My first post. I'm willing to negotiate, however.

[RikuDrak]

Whoops read over that. Sorry. *goes to read*

Writing it on the story itself as well.

I'm pleased at the overall level of grammar and grasp of the English language, save for two errors I found. The sex scene was erotic, indeed, but I fear it wasn't the correct situation for it.

Let me begin by saying the biggest flaw I read was the lack of reality. The characters felt rather flat and bland as well, though you did make an effort to carry a personality and rationality to them. However, I don't think just the captivating eyes of some stranger would be compelling enough to cause a stripper (who is probably very experienced at coming close to rape with all the drunks around) to meet them anywhere outside of the club. Secondly, the werewolf character is about as shallow as you can really get. He's got no personality, no function, no depth to him other than the sole purpose of being the rapist.

The sex was erotic, yes, but the sex was not realistic to rape cases. I can understand why you would do this (obviously it's more erotic to read about the foreplay and teasing before the sex ), but rape is not the right situation. Rape is quick, forced, and unpleasant. There is no foreplay, the person being raped does not feel anything close to "I should want to resist this but I can't," and there is blatantly more emotional and physical trauma. I find it hard to believe that a rape victim would ever stop struggling unless they were so overwhelmed with emotional chaos that they became nearly catatonic except for crying.

Also it seemed a little pointless for the sex scene to begin with the werewolf in human form and end in the werewolf in wolf form.

Yes, this is erotica and you're only supposed to focus on the sex, but in my opinion the genre erotica should not be an excuse to slack on the important points of writing.

I will conclude this one a high note: So far this is one the best written story I've managed to come across on AFF.

[Guest Agaib]

Thank you, I've sent your Naughty Points. I'll comment on My writing on one or two points you made, however. Don't take this as aggressive at all and I very much appreciate your feedback.

Real rape is terrible and disgusting, there is very little truly erotic about it, if anything. I wouldn't ever post realistic rape in an erotica section, perhaps drama, but I find that portraying rape and the reactions of the victim wouldn't provide a terribly titillating story. My real goal, perhaps, was to provide the reader with an alternate fantasy reality to avoid the gritty realism of true rape. The story, I suppose, could then instead be interpreted as a role-playing experience between two, already acquainted, lovers rather than literally as a woman who is raped by a stranger.

As far as character development goes, you're right. The setting and length I gave the story didn't really lend itself to character development, but as they say, "A poor plumber blames his tools."

The last part of the sex scene was merely me pandering to My own tastes with regard to bestiality. I suppose such pandering is foolish and can get in the way of proper flow if not implemented correctly.

Thank you very much.

EDIT: For Grammar

[RikuDrak]

Thank you, I've sent your Naughty Points. I'll comment on My writing on one or two points you made, however. Don't take this as aggressive at all and I very much appreciate your feedback.

Real rape is terrible and disgusting, there is very little truly erotic about it, if anything. I wouldn't ever post realistic rape in an erotica section, perhaps drama, but I find that portraying rape and the reactions of the victim wouldn't provide a terribly titillating story. My real goal, perhaps, was to provide the reader with an alternate fantasy reality to avoid the gritty realism of true rape. The story, I suppose, could then instead be interpreted as a role-playing experience between two, already acquainted, lovers rather than literally as a woman who is raped by a stranger.

As far as character development goes, you're right. The setting and length I gave the story didn't really lend itself to character development, but as they say, "A poor plumber blames his tools."

The last part of the sex scene was merely me pandering to My own tastes with regard to bestiality. I suppose such pandering is foolish and can get in the way of proper flow if not implemented correctly.

Thank you very much.

EDIT: For Grammar

XP Ah bribery, haha. Thanks.

Indeed, realistic rape doesn't make for an enjoyable read (to normal people at least) and should, at best, be described without as much detail as one would normally put into writing anything else.

It is undoubtedly my personal opinion that rape should not be portrayed in a fantasy way simply because I've managed to encounter some young people who seem to have the wrong idea and say some really stupid things.

I think the idea of a role-play fantasy would indeed be a better explanation/truth behind it, however the beginning didn't give much in the way of that portrayel. Nor was there any towards the end.

Well actually now that I think of it, if you think of the last lines in a different way it could mean that.

Anyways, no problem and you didn't come across as aggressive at all

[Lost_Soul]

I'm a review whore. I'm willing to pay a thousand naughty points per review. Thanks!

The Hunt

A wolf-like stranger invites an exotic dancer to a late night rendezvous. His intentions for her are less than innocent. Beast, M/F, N/C, Oneshot, PWP

Original > Erotica/Sex

Rated [Adult++]

This is My first piece of work I've posted in some time so I want feedback.

Heh heh... Desperate aren't we...? X3

I might read it... >.> When I feel like it! >D

[JayDee]

I have reviewed this story. It's a good story!

(I wrote a longer review, clicked the button, and got the 'daily moment of downtime' screen. And it would not let me go back and copy/paste ARRRGGGHH. )

[Lost_Soul]

I have reviewed this story. It's a good story!

(I wrote a longer review, clicked the button, and got the 'daily moment of downtime' screen. And it would not let me go back and copy/paste ARRRGGGHH. )

Ah man that SUCKS! I hate it when that happens! >_<;