am i actually into bdsm, or am i actually evil?

[xBlackWolfx]

i've asked this question yahoo answers, and it got deleted. i tried to ask on a vampirefreaks group, but its been a week and my request to join hasnt been responded to, i dont know if they're avoiding interacting with me or what.

i like to read stories (and daydream) about sexual abuse, mostly kinds that involve domination and/or humiliation. but i've noticed that i dont seem to have the same mindset of other ppl who are into bdsm. most notably i'm not 'switchable' as wikipedia puts it. i would hate to have someone do to me, everthing that i get a rush out of. i'm not a sadomasichist, i'm a pure sadist.

i've read about how 'normal' sadomasochists view their fetish, and their code of conduct, and though its interesting, its completely alien to me, and tragically doesnt appeal to me much.

i have no interest in living my fantasies out in reality, i know better than that, but still, does the fact that enjoy this stuff make me evil? would i be not evil if i also enjoyed being humiliated and abused, or would that just make me a fucked up person?

i need to know the answer, but everywhere i ask no one will tell me. absolutely no one. i needed to know the day i started to ponder it, and its been weeks now and its driving me insane. plz tell me...

[ApolloImperium]

Everyone has their own fetishes, kinks, likes and dislikes - These things do not inherently make one evil or good. Daydreaming about something definitely doesn't make one evil, otherwise I think we could all fall under that umbrella - I can't tell you how many times I've dreamed of killing an ex, a boss, that person that just cut me off as I was running late etc etc etc.

When it comes to fetishes, it's all about how it's practiced. If you were to go out, kidnap a person and subject them to your fantasies without their permission, then yes, you might have a problem. If you were on the other hand, to find a consenting adult that shares the same interests as you and willingly agrees to participate with in boundaries that are predetermined and legal, then you are just human.

[xBlackWolfx]

i'm starting to think i just dont understand what classifies as good and evil. despite my interest in bdsm, i was raised in a christian familiy, and from a very young age they teach you that even your thoughts can send you to hell. and i was watching a documentary about batman, and it oddly referred to his views of right and wrong as being very strict, but i never perceived him as such, to me superheroes look increadibly liberal. not sure if that's normal or not...

nice to hear someone telling me that my fantasies dont actually matter unless i do them, i was thinking the same thing, i was just starting to question that reasoning...

[ApolloImperium]

*shrugs* You are looking at it from your upbringing. I was raised in a very fundamentalist Christian household myself, yet here I am, running an adult fiction archive that by biblical standards is wrong and evil, as one should not think of anything other than your spouse in a sexual manner, as it diminishes a relationship. Yet, to date, I've never had an issue in that stand by They also teach that masturbating is evil. I simply don't subscribe to it.

Our background impacts our views as adults, it's up to us if we continue to subscribe to those beliefs or move past them. I have my own fetishes that most likely wouldn't be condoned by the Church. They aren't right or wrong, they just are.

[Tigro Spottystripes]

If you understand it is wrong to harm others and you don't want to harm others i can't see how you could be considered evil.

To be honest, i would feel a bit uneasy being around someone who likes to daydream about being evil and identifies with evil fictional characters for their evilness; but i guess if i get to know you better and you're a nice person whatever happens inside your imagination won't matter; as a matter of fact, i'd bet the stuff that goes on in my own fantasies would creep out most people out there as well.

Fiction, by it's very definition, isn't real; imagination, fantasies etc, only exist as information, like the letters on the screen. Thinking about the possibilities, what-ifs etc doesn't define what type of person you are, how you choose to actually behave does.

TLDR; choose to not act evil and you will not be evil, nothing else matters.

[Hairyhaggis]

During early pubescence your mind connects the things that will turn you on regardless of whether they are deemed good or evil. In todays world most of those influences will be from what we see and experience through the media (films you've seen etc) now while you are still young you are usually unaware of the connections that are being made but as you mature those connections and the experiences/relationships you have combine to give a fuller sexual profile.(note how people who look a certain way or have a certain characteristic tends to follow you throughout your mature life choices of partners) It is completely normal to find something that is sadistic as sexually satisfying just as it is to find a masochistic tendency. How we interpret what we each desire is purely personal. To fantasise about those things is not evil but if you were to go out and inflict them upon a non consenting person or animal then yes it would be.

There are many documentaries on the subject of sexual orientation and what makes us tick. Perhaps you can watch one on the human psyche to give you a fuller understanding. Also for every religion you find that says sex is bad etc etc there is one that says the opposite the only difference is the ones with the largest voices tend to be heard the most.

I hope that answered your question and you enjoy a healthy sexual fantasy life

[Tigro Spottystripes]

So you're saying the particularities of our sexual preferences are imprinted on us like how ducklings get imprinted with whatever is the first creature they see when they come out of the egg?

[Tigro Spottystripes]

Btw, is there a separated term for being aroused by causing pain and similar disconfort to a willing partner instead of by inflicting pain to someone against their will (or being aroused by those ideas regardless of actually doing it for real) ?

[ApolloImperium]

Yes. BDSM is a willing partner, sociopaths do it with out regard to will.

[Lisbet_Adair]

Enjoying the idea of being dominated or dominating other people doesn't make you inherently evil. Enjoying the idea of inflicting pain on others doesn't make you inherently evil.

What I'd consider to be evil, which I'm using interchangeably for "unethical", is exploring these feelings in reality in such a way that other people involved without their consent and are harmed as a result, because that shows a blatant disregard for the life and welfare of another person. If you have fantasies where you enjoy inflicting pain on others, the mark of an ethical person is one who finds a way to reconcile these fantasies by exploring them without harming others. E.g if you have a fantasy about kidnapping a man, tying him up and penetrating him with a cucumber, then you find a person who wants to be kidnapped, tied up and penetrated with a cucumber. You don't just abduct someone and assault them.

If you want to explore your fantasies involving sadism (and not wanting to switch is a normal variation of BDSM) then I strongly advise finding someone with whom you can talk it through in detail, understand the use of safewords and engage emotionally. That way, you can ensure that you both get joy out of the encounter.