Review Replies - AFF Prompt/Ending

[BronxWench]

Shadowknight:

Hah, nicely done. You've picked a good idea for the prompt. Indeed, a Dalish Warden's past is one of endings. But then again, if you look at all the Origin stories, they're all signed by terrible losses and irrevocable endings. Very, very good choice.

I would critique only the lack of... you know, exposition, when it comes to Wraith's feelings for Tamlen. You are extremely good with the little details (their first kiss, the touches, their plans for the future), but the rationale behind their feelings for each other is left rather vague (how did it began? Who made the first move? How did they know their feelings were returned? Or did they just took a chance after a certain period of longing? Or was it perhaps a spur of the moment thing? And also, it's hinted (but not fully stated) that they slept together. Would've been nice to have a few sentences about that. Or about the horrible grief Wraith must have felt. It's explained at the beginning, yes, but you focus more on his outward reactions and not on what he feels.

Of course, I'm sure you contemplated all of this and were simply constrained by the word limit. It happens all too often, I fear. Other than that, I have to say once again the relationship between Alistair and Wraith is very well portrayed. Can't wait to see what happens in the next prompt!

The size constraint of the flash fics makes it a little harder to cover enough plot ground and go into greater emotional depth, but more will come as Wraith and Alistair get to know each other better, I promise! I deliberately didn't describe the sex between Tamlen and Wraith, because I'm sort of saving that for the Chantry boy. As to the grief, remember, he and Tamlen both knew this wasn't a forever thing, since they would both be called upon to marry. Wraith is feeling grief because he thinks he's supposed to, but he never formed that "I can't live without you" sort of bond with Tamlen. It's more guilt than grief, but Wraith hasn't figured that out yet...hence the lack of emotional depth to his grief.

But gods, I that you read my prompts and think about them so seriously! You are amazingly good for my ego, do you know that?

[Shadowknight12]

Ahh, good point there about guilt. I hadn't considered that angle, actually. I'm waiting in anticipation to see when Wraith and Alistair breach the Tamlen topic. Very well handled, indeed.

HAH, I take everything seriously! Good that it's finally a gift instead of a curse, eh? And besides, you give me concrit as well, it's the least I can do.

[BronxWench]

Techno Ninja:

Your writing is making me curious about the game. Alistair's comment about Wraith's "humanity" made me giggle. :3 I enjoyed this chapter,(?) keep up the good work. : )

It really is turning into chapters of a story, isn't it? But I'm glad you like the banter between Wraith and Alistair, and the game is such good fun that I can't quite feel guilty for getting you curious about it.... such an evil wench I am! But thank you for reading and reviewing!

pittwitch:

Well done once more dear Wench! A very poignant glimpse backward in time to endings from long ago, meaning Wraith and Tamlen. I like the interaction between Alistair and the Wraith. Thanks for sharing, PW.

Thank you! Endings and beginnings... we're always experiencing them... I am very pleased that the banter between the lads works, because I do enjoy writing it! Thanks again!

[BronxWench]

Apollo:

Ohh, flashback! I like how you incorporated it in and it was well written with transitions! Often they can be slightly stumbly, but this worked well in moving the story forward and providing us more information about Wraith.

(*sigh* my re-captcha funnies continue - Childhood matter)

Oh, those recaptchas!

But thank you for reading and reviewing, and I'm glad the flashback worked! I should probably stop teasing so much and move the relationship forward, but it's sort of fun to take my time, and Chantry boys are shy...

[BronxWench]

Fairy Slayer:

First, don't expect me to remember any of the new names and words by the time you post next week's part.

That's a sweet bit of exposition about Wraith's old friend, their love, and just enough to explain how Tamlen was lost. Then there's a bit more sharing, more in common between them, and finally the poignant moment when, through Alistair, Wraith found a way to let go of that loss. At least that's how it seems to have happened to me.

Thank you for reading and reviewing, first of all. I keep dragging you out of your fandoms, but you gamely dive in, and I really appreciate it! It's hard squeezing enough into the format to keep it coherent, but hopefully I haven't lost you too badly!

[BronxWench]

anesor:

I always love your descriptions in your writings, place and sensory information. But, despite the exposition at the beginning, I felt more than a little lost on reading this, not knowing the source material. It was a bit too light, or maybe too much trimmed on the background, to make me feel anything for your lead or his worries. Perhaps you need to trim the scenelet even shorter in time/what it covers to fit in a small length.

Play DA:O and come back and read it again. That may help.

But honestly, I'm not sure how much more I can trim without it turning into pure exposition. Timewise, it covers a few minutes in a boat, with part of that spent in a quick memory and the rest in a brief conversation. I suppose I could cut out the conversation... but, nah. I like my banter!

[BronxWench]

JayDee:

Poor Wraith, hope his past loss of Tamlen doesn't leave him afraid of committing with Alistair - I hope he can accept the ending The passages of Wraith and Tamlen getting their tattoos and sharing the first kiss fairly crackled with loving nervousness in the kiss, then the camera-pan-away on the intimate sinking to the floor... got some mental images there, I can tell you Yep, starting to blossom...

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed the heavy innuendo -- one of my specialties, I fear, is leaving things to the imagination, but then again, sometimes I think other peoples' imaginations might conjure up things better than I could write! And I think Alistair's utter smexiness will win out over any lingering fears of commitment that Wraith may be harboring.

[BronxWench]

wanderingaddict:

oh no Bench! I take it this means that Wraith hasn't met tainted Tamlan yet? haha, wow, is that still going to happen? I'm really curious and kinda worried now, both for Wraith and because I'd always really liked Tamlan myself. I had a soft spot for him a mile wide even if he was a big idiot and even though I said NO TOUCH THE MIRROR. I like how you touched on the fact that Allistar isn't much of a leader here, seeing Wraith think that really adds to the fact that the guy's something of a contemplative (or at least perceptive) guy.

Wraith hasn'r met tainted Tamlen yet, you're quite correct! And I have a pretty soft spot for him as well. He comes off as a good friend, and wham! Instant demise. And, staying true to the storyline, Alistair is not even remotely hardened, and isn't at all a leader. I figured Wraith would pick up on that because of the nature of the Dalish culture. When you're nomadic and either actively disliked or at best tolerated wherever you go, it tends to make you look at people closely. And thanks for taking the time to review! I always enjoy seeing what people pick up on in my ramblings, and every bit of feedback makes me think about what I write, and how I can make it better!