JayDee's Review Reply Thread (Books)

[JayDee]

Wow. Books. In all my years of fanfiction going back to the pre-JD days I don't think I have ever done a book based story before, although I guess some of the Harry Potter stuff is backed up with non movie bits I'm one of those fanbrat types who would rather think of (as an example) Snape as Alan Rickman than the less-appealing book descriptions. Don't know why I haven't had a story for the book catagory before writing White Snow, Red Snow, Yellow Snow for the last AFF prompt though. Gotta love books.

Review replies for this story!

Thanks as ever for reviews. I, like just about everyone, enjoys getting feedback

Shadow Knight - I'll agree with you it's not really Death for the Prince given one big Lion sneeze - also, heh - can bring him back, but the Death tag also goes for his comrades, servants, prospective workers and - being an army and all - probably a few hookers/courtesans. And animals. And probably the occasional unfortunate dwarf. With a few decades before the kid with the vial of UbiqHeal turns up, they're worm food Don't be bolder... in fairness, if I had been writing with more time and a higher word count, I'd have detailed the splatter more.

Fairy Slayer: Some of the monsters cared about the horses. There's pretty good eating on a horse... I think if the whole well equipped and experianced army goes somewhere and doesn't come back, it would tend to serve as a pretty good warning against invading again all on its own Jadis has done worse in canon when people gave her cause, she really is pretty badass all on her own!

pittwitch: ...Probably a bit of despoiled brown snow under some of the dead guys too. Evil is sexy. Dammmit I think I still have a deep rooted fear of the White Witch from 25 odd years ago when I first had 'em read to me, then there was a TV series... The mean old baggage from the Rapunzel story had nothing on her! Regarding yellow snow - also missed a chance to have someone write their name With eating, the trick would be to finer one of the stupider Minotaurs and follow a Family Guy joke by offering him a "lemon snow cone"... Certainly some horse eating to ensue if nothing else!

[JayDee]

Apollo: - Heh, I pretty much assumed it would stay with him because the obvious follow up is: 100 years later a new Princess rides through the forest, finds the frozen prince, falls in love with his naked stone body and kisses him, turning him back to flesh - in the time honoured fairy tale tradition. Narative causality means something - and gets a rather unpleasant tasting surprise...

[JayDee]

I started the prompts with Horsecock and, when the new prompt sand proved too hard to do something more thematically original with, fell back on it. Falling back on horsecock isn't as easy as you might think. I hear the ER people never believe it.

So.. figured I needed a horse, and a desert, and then I remembered the Narnian story least likely to get a film version. I had a bit of trouble with the title, trying various Sandy Sheath variations before googling to see if "The Horse and His Girl" had already been used... it sure had, so I went with "The Horse and His Cock" which brought no google matches on the +"" search mode and more because there's some writer on the Hentai foundry forums who made at least three or four recent posts in various threads about not liking stories with horsecock.

So here I am with review replies:

Fairy Slayer: - Thanks for your review. I wasn't even sure if a horse could get sand trapped there, which was why I tried to indicate some possible Aslan involvement. Just in case. There is water there, but what I was trying to get at was how coming from Calormen the water would probably taste different with different soils/rocks/minerals filtered through, so no worries about dehydration

When she finds the truth, "What do you mean you don't milk male horses? None of them told me that! I even asked this wise old Centaur and he told me... Bah! Narnians!"

The title was hard (see above ) Where does the chainsaw come in to your thoughts though? I've been having images of something like "Evil Dead 4: Army of Foghorn Leghorn."

"You gotta - I say, you gotta give me some suger, baby."

Apollo: Thanks you for your review. They talk about romantic beach experiances, but fuck if you aren't dealing with sand weeks later. If they found a way to weaponise that stuff, they'd make millions. I dunno, I just like horses!

BronxWench: Thanks for your review. I'm sort of worried about Aravis seeming too innocent, but I think it's mostly in keeping with her family wanting her married off in the book.

pittwitch: Thanks for your review! Geldings are the ones whove had their balls lopped off, right? I used gelding as a pen name on an anonymous story a while back (not here). Maybe the real horses can talk, but keep it a secret so we don't make 'em do worse stuff. Maybe they only reveal it just before they have you alone on some high cliff and kick you off, "Ha ha! Horse whip that you two legged bastard!" Maybe I've gotten off topic in this review reply... uh, believe me you are not the first person to find themselves disturbed after reading something I've written. Many assume me to be disturbed too, admittedly with some justification. Maybe I ought to follow up with a Hwin story, sort of a virgin mare/wise man opposite approach... Hermit's time to shine!

[pittwitch]

Geldings indeed are the ball-less version, and tend not to "drop and show" in horse speak. Hence the need for things like: http://www.equusite.com/articles/health/healthSheathCleaning.shtml

So, without discussing things in detail, allow me to say that my equestrian background probably gave my already demented imagination so much more than it needed when reading this lovely tale of desert sands.

And, yes, I have owned geldings.

[JayDee]

That link may well prove useful for my future writing, thanks!

(Although, if I ever write anything that seems anatomically accurate I might offend my fanbase so I'd have to be careful... )

[pittwitch]

LOL! Should I be afraid of the smegma now?

[JayDee]

We'll have to wait and see what prompts come up

[JayDee]

...and I'm sure everyone is relieved I didn't go for a drowsy horse with a sheath full of cheese.

I think with my story for the drowsy prompt I may have a new contender for my least viewed story. Damn you nosex tag, you always fuck me! Which is kind of ironic, actually. Oh, I can't stay mad at you... So, I had a first idea for the prompt of a comics story with some minor superhero drowsily overcome by fumes from a faulty boiler, only for his arch enemy to enter, taunt him for being caught asleep, and then also pass out. Realising it was weaker and scientifically iffy, I decided to go Folklore with Jenny Greenteeth, who probably had a better set of gnashers than most of the old British peasantry. Still scientifically iffy, but more fun...

She's been around for donkeys years with variations on the name (or possibly not - most plummy university folklorists probably misinterpreted local accents), and having someone drowsy nearly fall asleep and get caught was the best I could manage for the prompt. I am away from the internet for a few days at the end of the week so had to get it out of the way.

...all of that rambling out of the way, two kind reviews from my fellow prompters:

BronxWench - 'zactly! Luck of the Irish(-American)! If he'd been German-America, Jenny'd've been drowsily picking her teeth with his wishbone by word 999. I grew up with elderly relatives telling similar stories, but a long way from Lancashire, so I thought I could put my own twist in. So I'm glad it made you laugh and thanks for the review

Fairy Slayer - I can't honestly say how much of a problem it is at Yellowstone, but I read through the park rules and regulations and they are pretty tough on it. Not using water monsters, of course, because it's probably too hot I was wracking my brains for a title, remembered the J-Lo song title, and went with it. I can't remember how the song went - I thought I did, but that turned out to be a Black Eyed Peas track... I thought about a non-Jenny referenced title originally for a little reader-surprise, before realising the disclaimer would let the cat out the bag anyway, so what the hey I looked up Manchester's games last august for the Newcastle score (it would have been another team if they played someone else). Thank hey for internet search, because I don't follow 'em to know! I don't think a big rock would inconvenience Jenny. I think you'd have to be pretty used to people tossing shit in ponds if you wanted to live in one - kids love skipping stones!

I ought to do a follow up where she gets dinner... and then remove the nosex tag, and give her a date... "Uh, no, really Jenny, I don't really need you to go down on me... No, it's not your teeeeetthhh....owww..."

[JayDee]

pittwitch : Thanks for your review on the Drowsy prompt story. I'm always happy to share my work - or "inflict" to use the technical term

[JayDee]

Apollo Thanks for your review on the drowsy story - I think it's a fair point about the prompt use being a little heavy, it's something of a tendancy I have had with the prompts to pretty much take a really unsubtle use and bash people with it - like all the poppy mentions in the most recent I did, or all the moons in the Luna story! And of course, it is just based on a folk tale. There is no real Jenny Greenteeth... at least, not since she was eligible for NHS dentistry.

[JayDee]

A first for me with the Dream prompt as I re-visited a previous prompt for a second part: The Horse and His Cock. There's a few folks who've done the prompts adding each one to ongoing storyline (you know who you are ) on and off, and I admire the extra level of challenge that brings - same with the extra level in the drabbles and twitfics, though in a different sense of course. As a PWPer (and 950+ views and a total of 6 reviews on two parts for degeenerate pwp probably has some of the more talented authors a little wound up.... sorry folks!) I just take the easy "different topic each week" button and only take the nosex route if it seems worthwhile (3 times now! 3! Proudest of slumber...)

...I don't know where I was going with that paragraph. I read it back and it kind of makes no sense. Just had to stop typing for a minute and sort something out and I completely lost my thread. I leave it here as a memento to "wha? huh?"

So, two additional reviews for this story - thanks to both of you for your comments and reviews on this story! You rock my little world with your feedback.

Fairy Slayer : 21. Dream

Thank goodness for the magic of dreams so that they could finally consummate their lust. (Love might be more of a stretch than if they tried having sex for real. ) Again, you did a fantastic jog describing all of the sexy details. It worked nicely after setting up a great way to make Aravis a bit more sexually aware via the horny Hermit and his mare.

Fairy Slayer - Do you remember the story I did for Gifts about the too-well endowed Orc who didn't want to hurt his friend? Well, I originally had the basis of the idea to continue that but decided it would probably not work too well with the sweetness, so figured it worked better in an already PWP story. Idea recycling: Ya can't beat it! Yeah, I felt I needed to give Aravis a reason to dream of having the cock in her. Once again I am amused by the following week's prompt - I do a guy fucking a horse, and then the next prompt is "sheep" which just cries out for some crude rural stereotyping... Or maybe telling the story of the greatest romance ever alluded too in the Blackadder universe: Lord Melchett and Flossy/Ludwig.

BronxWench: Ah, glad to see we get another taste of Aravis and Bree! An interesting way to take it to the next level, but it certainly makes sleep much more interesting!

BronxWench - Yep, back to Arvavis/Bree - They're unlikly to have a movie but at least rule 34 of the internet gets them some porn! Interesting is one way to look at it, go to sleep, dream of that... some might say scary and offputting I'm just messin'

[FairySlayer]

Now Blackadder erotica would be brilliant, but the tough part is making it both sexy and hilarious at the same time.

No matter which of the series someone writes it for... poor Baldric.

[JayDee]

Eh, there's the problem. The hilarity! I can't match that style. I think I might just go for something Aussie so I can try and fit in the good old phrase "Sheepchaser."

[JayDee]

The Nightmare prompt... I came up with a tremendously self-inulgent plot for this, with the characters I've written particular nasty stories for getting together every time I slept and torturing me... Thank god I just scraped through with a re-tread of a previous prompt story from another perspective. It can be hard to tell dreams and nightmares apart sometimes...

BronxWench:

I really enjoy the Aravis and Bree tales immensely. There is a lovely quality of innocence in between the mighty cocks and pools of sperms, and the explorations into a young woman's burgeoning sexuality. And it's smut with a moral! What more could I ask?

Thanks for your review! Well, what more could you ask...? I could have done it as M/M with Shasta manly helping the horse that basically saved him from drudgery. Shasta Hands has kinda a ring to it...

Leloi:

Poor, sad, unloved Shasta... reduced to voyeurism.

Thanks for your review! He's certainly feeling sad and hard done by - and deservedly so with that dirty masturbatin' - , but unloved? Never! Just because they don't want to sleep with him doesn't mean they don't love him as a friend Plus, he's now free to get seduced by the sophisticated elder woman, Queen Susan (She's reckoned the most beautiful around and she's single, so he can step in there ).

[JayDee]

frittle - I don't know how accurate it is, but when I used my my creaky old word processor to word-count my author's note to make sure it wasn't a rule breacher, from Author's to JD inclusive it was 100 words. Stealth Drabble? One Badger, Two Drabbles is what you get when I realise I haven't written horsecock in a whiles. I can't remember a single Badger appearing in a Narnia book. Not one. Surely there must be one though, somewhere? Huh... Good job I decided to include the urbandictionary definition, as I got a little shock going into the thread and seeing Melrick's edit!

30 gorram prompt fics...

BronxWench

Chapter 4

I always enjoy a new Bree and Aravis chapter, and this one did not disappoint! I loved the dual (dueling?) definitions of frittle, and what are frittles without a badger? Or slug trails, for that matter? But I do wish Bree and Aravis much joy if they do indeed get their elixir!

Thanks for your review. I'm also very grateful to you for providing the dictionary definition of frittle, I just prefer to see words I do not know in actual usage to get a feel for them. I had some trouble with adduced until I had more of a handle on what it implied and contextually and it seemed worse with frittle. The old texts I found only made sense with your definition Badgers walk close to the ground, it made sense there'd be some leakage Made me laugh anyhow! Oh, yes, much joy indeed I am sure can be expected... Badger's frittle though, so, who knows

[JayDee]

I have received another review on the abomination that is The Horse and His Cock, further to the Badger heavy forth chapter, and I thank the reviewer kindly for it,

Roseykins

Awesome! Hilarious! I love it. The greedy badger will keep me laughing for the next two weeks.

Y'ever see a Badger on a keep fit diet? Course not! They're all greedy All together now, "Badger! Badger! Badger!" Ahem, I certainly was hoping readers would see it for silly, seem to have achieved that.

[JayDee]

Phucked by the Phocomelus , the story AFF got because I didn't like the way the "Lara Croft's Mountain Vibrator Adventures" was going, fanfiction for one of Dick's more obscure books. At least, it doesn't have a movie. Yet.

BronxWench

::rushes off to stock up on batteries:: Ah, the joys of toys, even when you get more than you asked for... Wonderful!

Didn't expect a review on this one, thanks for yours! Hope you had some toy fun

[JayDee]

The Horse and His Cock... after ages and ages I wrote something else. A further chapter. And got a review, taking it from 10,000 hits and 10 reviews to 10,001 hits and 11 reviews! That's a good ratio for me

BronxWench

Ah, proper consummation at last! Of course, leave it to the Badger to be a bitch. Itching salve indeed...Wonderfully done, as ever, and glad to have you writing in the prompts again!

Thanks for the review! Hell hath no fury like a Badger spunked, I guess. And, in fairness, Aravis did have a kind of itch. Euphemistically speaking. I dunno that I'll manage to do any more, never any time - this could've used more polish even, but glad to have done it really and thanks again for the review!

[JayDee]

The Horse and His Cock

pippychick

Supremely absurd, and this bit had me laughing out loud:Had she known that the badger had given them an itching salve instead of the sex elixir, it is likely her fear would have been much greater. Wonderful, and good for giggle late at night.

Thank you for your review! Glad it got a chuckle out of you. Well, she'd certainly have been a bit more worried, I mean, Bree's hung like a horse!

[pippychick]

The Horse and His Cock

Well, she'd certainly have been a bit more worried, I mean, Bree's hung like a horse!

lol...

And then... I looked further up this thread. Blackadder erotica!

Erm... slight thread hijack...

“George?”

“Yes, Sir?”

“Just what do you and Baldrick think you’re doing?”

“Well, Sir, I don’t precisely know but I heard from one of the other tommies that it has something to do with relieving tension.”

“Indeed. Relieving tension. Quite. Baldick?”

*uncomfortably* “Not much tension being relieved, Sir. In fact I’d say there’s quite a lot more tension than there was before, Sir.”

*sighs and mutters* “Honestly, couldn’t organise a fuck up in a brothel. But…” *picks up the phone* “Hello?” *smirks horribly* “I need you, Darling.” Pauses. “Come at once.”

/thread hijack

Sorry about that.

[BronxWench]

::dies laughing::

[JayDee]

Looks like we've got a volunteer for the Blackadder fic! Step to it, dafdes. We'll be in Berlin by Christmas!

Has to be said, George looked a lot better in drag than Baldrick's "Other woman."

[JayDee]

A Song Of Forgotten Beauty didn't have a title until I was ready to post it. It doesn't feel great now, but I always go on the basis that any title is better than none. No matter how terrible it is. Even just one random word. Look! "Sausage" that could be the title for just about any M/M fic!

At least I resisted, "Beautiful Plumage!"

pippychick
Wonderful writing, it was just like being there. The King came across really well, and you nailed that sense of haughty nobility in him. There was a good fantastical atmosphere. I really liked the description of the noises the sisters made, and the feel of the feathers. I'm not sure you met the requirement of 'horrific' though, I think you probably surpassed it. It's more a feeling of dark unease that grows in you, even after you've finished reading, because you wrote it so well, I neglected to notice how unnatural it really is. Until you mentioned the eggs, of course. Well done!

Thank you! I did try to emphasise their beautiful but still inhuman appearances, with the feathers and the movements and the birdy vocalisations. And, well, the suggestion of egg laying. Although if the myths have taught us anything, it's that what comes out of the egg might not be what you'd expect. Like a horse for a hero or something. Actually feeling like you're there is often a negative for my stories, but who wouldn't want a lovely coastal meal followed by sex with a mythical Thracian King? I mean, besides Jerry Falwell.

NecroNOMNOMicon
Nicely done. I never would have thought that Phineus would harbor lust for the creatures who forced him to starve for all those years. But then again, the early stories said the harpies were attractive (presumably the parts that had lady parts) and so... why not?On a personal notes, I could never use Aello in a story such as this, because, well... "Aello" makes me think of Danny Aiello, and the image of a creature that is half bird/half Danny Aiello is too horrible to contemplate!

Thank you! I actually tried to cover that with his little monologue, everything he did he did because the fates had always decided on it, and so he was able to endure his torment and look forward to what came afterwards. Yeah, they were attractive to the Greeks, but by the time the likes of Virgil was writing you'd think they nested in the Ugly tree. "The body of a majestic bird, and a face like an abandoned shit farm." The Aneid, Book III line 212*

I actually kept spelling it as Aiello while writing Had to do a find/replace, hope I got 'em all. Same with spelling Phineus as Phineas. So, when I do an Urban Fantasy version of Leon/The Professional with Tony turning into a half-bird and screwing Leon over the cafe table you'd have to avoid it? "Nobody knocks off Tony! Sqaaawwwk!"


*Just kidding. He actually wrote,

"No worse monsters than these, no crueller plague,
ever rose from the waters of Styx, at the gods’ anger.
These birds have the faces of virgin girls,
foulest excrement flowing from their bellies,
clawed hands, and faces always thin with hunger."

Which is why these days they all work in the fashion industry.

[JayDee]

The books domain is relatively quiet, isn't it? Hadn't really noticed before, but I see the bottom of the latest page the story was updated April 18th. Looking at my hits for stories back to 2010 I have 2864 (semi-popular fandom at the time), 896 (NoSex!), 1444 (tentacoo wape!), 15350 (Horsecock. Lots and lots of Horsecock. Or maybe they're all there for the badger) and my new one, A Song Of Forgotten Beauty which cleared 100 views so far. So, yay.

One day I'll do a Discworld story. Luggage x Hex. Rowwrrr.

BronxWench
Wow. Just... wow. I'm absolutely amazed by this one, JD. Seriously, this is probably one of the finest short works I've ever read. There's a timeless feeling to the night, and the passions are so raw, and so tender at the same time. Phineus captivated me, and the Harpies are magnificent, all their fury spent to leave room for something even more primal. And the ending... that was simply the perfect touch. You know, I actually forgot I was reading a prompt response. You used the words so effortlessly, and that's a hallmark of your skill as a writer. Gorgeous, start to finish

Thank you BW! You're always so kind about my prompt fics, while I spend most of my time hoping I haven't wasted too much of a reader's time with drivel. It was basically porn, but when you review I could almost convince myself I'd done something literary! Thank you again.

[JayDee]

A Song Of Forgotten Beauty… I really should have plumped for that "Beautiful Plumage!" title. I mean, it’s not even a song. “A Flashfic of Forgotten Beauty” would have been more intellectually honest.

Quote

swirlingdoubt

Dropping a note to say I read this one! It says written for a prompt, and it seems less inspired than usual for you - very little depth into the motivations, short, somewhat lacking in details - but I enjoyed it anyway. Greek mythology lends well to any coupling becoming plausible, what with every Greek figure getting it on with pretty much anyone. I was curious how you'd handle the setting.

favorite lines:

"a simple cloth covered his empty sockets" - that seals the image pretty well.

"batting playfully at each other’s talon tipped fingers to snatch him from one to the other while their songs rose in pitch and intensity." - talon tipped fingers (maybe a hyphen should be there) and snatch behaves like onomatopoeia with the "tch" sounds.

Thank you for your review! I always appreciate the feedback. With the ‘Dribs, Drabs and Doggy tales’ prompts I always felt a big part of the challenge/appeal was fitting a complete story or chapter into 1000 words for the flashfic option. I thought the change to the rules to remove a word limit kind’ve killed the spirit of it for me, but by that point I wasn’t doing them regularly and everyone else seemed happy with it so s’just me!

Absolutlely there are some prompt stories where it worked better than others, because some of them could have been much improved with more in depth description and characterisation rather than just a flashed captured scene. With at least one story that had flashfic prompt chapters I also did some longer chapters to put more detail in and do things it was hard to do well in 1000 words. In this case, yep, a long detailed threesome as well could have been genuinely hot! Ahhh well. At least there’s no golden showers, and while there are wings they aren’t attached to randy god-swans.

You’re probably right about the hyphen. I think I’d have put it in if I was concerned about the clarity of the line but it seemed to flow ok. I’ll make a mental note to go back and update it when I’ve finished my big ol’ code cleansing program (changing all the MC’s to MCD again!).

Thanks once again!