Review Replies for Alchemy

[BronxWench]

I suppose the logical place for me to start is to say that while I'm not new to writing fan fiction, I'm new to writing on AFF.

Alchemy is actually a plot bunny that latched onto my ankle with nasty sharp teeth and refused to go away. It spun itself off a rather long fanfic called Stormborn over on (cough-cough)FFnet, in which a certain sarcastic elven wizard features prominently. Because he is who he is, he insisted that I write a back story for him, and that would be right about when my ankle came under attack. I'm trying to stick to both the OC game campaigns for NWN and NWN2, as well as the character development I've done in the parent story, while still writing the parent story, a NaNo entry and a few other projects. I am now officially addicted to espresso and chocolate.

Having said that, I wanted to reply to my two wonderful reviewers, Shadow Knight and wanderingaddict. It's always encouraging for a first story to get attention so quickly.

Shadow Knight: I do agree that the rape scene is sketchy. I will admit to actually having a great deal of trouble writing that at all. I much prefer consensual sex, which puts me in a bind when I need to write noncon. And yes, the snark develops over the course of the fiction, as Chapter 2 shows. I've never seen Sand as fluffy in the slightest, and even in the throes of passion, he is still the same edgy, sarcastic elf we all love. I'm glad the sex works in Chapter 2, and I will have to work on spicing it up a little more, since Vale and Sand are not a one-night stand by any means. There's some big time jumps, which is why I did include dates throughout the chapter. I was hoping to imply, but probably need to make it clearer, that Sand has spent nearly a year in contact with Vale, and has been interested in Vale, but still resents being forced to work for Neverwinter. And, because I am an utter geek, thank you for loving the elven! I actually work from the glossary and grammar rules, and while it can be painstaking to find a way to phrase something, I love the challenge. Finally, this really is my first slashfic, so I'm loving the feedback. My elves don't view same gender relationships as out of the ordinary, so I can't see making them stick to purely het affairs, even if the parent story is het.

wanderingaddict: I actually feel like I should begin by saying this is partially your fault, you know. I read Ceald Amothien first on FF, and then here, and was totally blown away. I am very much a fan of Valen, and gods-be-damned, that was HOT! Okay, fangirl rant over... Vale is a character that really screams to be developed, in my opinion. He's snarky, powerful, and he's an elf, which should pretty much say it all. And then there's Sand, also snarky, most likely powerful (but not sharing that with the Neverwinter crew) and an elf. It had to happen. As far as my timeline for Alchemy goes, it begins well before the NWN OC campaign, will surf past that and the NWN2 OC campaign, and end up well beyond that. For the record, I am pretending that WotC's 4e crap does not exist, and the Spellplague never happened.

Anyway, I will check back here, and would love to hear more from you, since I am having way too much fun with my elves and have a feeling I might be revising another story that's been bouncing around my HD to fit AFF.

[Shadowknight12]

Heh, I know how disheartening it can be to post a story you've spent a lot of effort in, and watch as the days go by without a review. I try to do my part to prevent that.

Sand needs more love. Seriously, you're doing a great job. Elven culture is really well explored, along with Vale being a rather compelling character. Sand is pretty much a given, he's just that awesome (I have a weakness for snarky characters, I even considered writing something for Shandra, my all-time favourite!). So yeah, these two are awesome and I'm glad you're planning ahead! Especially since we know for sure that Sand survives That Which Must Not Be Named (read: the ending of NWN2), and it's interesting to see how you'll explore the events that happen throughout both games (and especially Mask Of The Betrayer, since we hear next to nothing about what happens to Neverwinter and the survivors while Sir/Madam Knight Captain is out there eating spirits). And I'm glad you're touching stuff like politics and the entanglements that come from mixing work and play. Most writers forget about stuff like that, so I'm rather pleasantly surprised you didn't.

So anyway, looking forward to the next chapters!

[BronxWench]

Oh, gods... I'm not sure if I love you or hate you, KS. It occurred to me that I could most likely post a rewrite of the relevant sections of the parent story, edited to include all the good bits I had to edit out while writing it, and to exclude a lot of extraneous plot stuff that works elsewhere but really doesn't fit the slant of this fic.

On the bright side, the writing is basically done. I just need a more reliable source of my current favorite coffee, preferably administered intravenously.

[Shadowknight12]

Bwahahahah, I can so sympathise with the 'intravenously' part. Hey, if you want to, go for it! I'll R&R all the same!

[BronxWench]

Heh. I'm going for it. I've gone insane, truly I have. I'm still writing the parent story.

And then there's the other story languishing on my HD because I really need to spice it up more, and didn't want to make heads explode elsewhere. I started the rewrite, trying to tame it, and now I get to put back all the parts I cut out, and ramp those up.

Of course, NaNo should be done by Sunday, which will give me back that time, and since the family's already trained not to bother me unless blood is involved...

Sleep is vastly overrated anyway.

[Shadowknight12]

Well, we all need a steady dose of insanity in our lives!

Heh, I honestly don't bother with FF.net anymore. What's the point in taming and trimming when you still get only smidgens of concrit?

And you're doing NaNo, on top of that? Holy shit, you definitely ARE insane! I like you.

Indeed. Who needs sleep when you have coffee?

[BronxWench]

I've been concentrating my writing in the NWN fandom, and there's a small core of decent writers who do give some good concrit. We've gotten to know each other pretty well, and I can count on them to poke me hard when I go off on a tangent. A lot of it is via PM, which is fine by me.

And yes, I did NaNo this year for the first time. It occurred to me that I was sustaining better than novel length on fanfics, and when my muse gets cranked, I'm good for some seriously scary output. NaNo is harder in that I'm not taking time to edit as I write, and my inner editor required a massive intervention as a result. I also tried not to write elf smut for NaNo, which was a huge mistake, and one which shall not be repeated. The challenge is a blast, though. I took today off, but I'll reach the 50k words tomorrow by my word count widget. I'll add a little more and submit Sunday, since I hear their word count widget is not as generous as mine. Margins of error, my new golden rule.

I'm good with about 5 hours of sleep, as long as I keep pounding the caffeine.

[Shadowknight12]

Ah, well, good to know!

Hah, your first time? Man, that's crazy! Definitely wishing you the best of luck, you're way too productive, lawl.

[wanderingaddict]

partially my fault? I wrote an NwN story about a tiefling demon dicking a little elf-sorcerer, I hardly see how I'm to blame for you writing an NwN story about an elven wizard dicking a little elf-sorcer- er... oh.

haha, lawlz, I kid. that's awesome though, I'm glad could inspire someone to write more NwN elf-dicking fiction and I'm glad you dig Valen! he's pretty bomb, but so few people make him into the troubled soul that I see. the nervous guy that's uncertain and crazy and so delicious with big white pecs *nomnomnom*

oops, er, I mean,

it's been too long since I've written him. I really enjoy NwN fic though, I was surprised that all the dudes here were npcs from NwN2! I'd completely forgotten about like, all of them!

[BronxWench]

::snickers evilly:: I am generally known for being elf-obsessed, although I will extend that obsession to tieflings on occasion, especially broody, sarcastic tieflings with a flair for pulverizing That Which Offends.

I did enjoy your reaction at the end of the review, though. NWN2 has so many plot holes that it begs to be played with, liberally, and I felt obligated to rise to the challenge. And of course, having two snarky elves in one package is tempting beyond words.

Anyway, being that this is my first attempt at slash, keep me honest, and poke as needed. I really do welcome concrit, and prefer knowing where I go wrong so I can avoid it in future.

And if you're not going to finish Ceald's story, at least tell me how it ends!

[BronxWench]

Okay, first of all, I have to say I find it endlessly entertaining to read about them bathing, washing each other's hair and all that. It's something so mundane that yet adds so much to the story! And politics! We see more of that! And hmmm, hints of NWN2 there. This means it's roughly 18 years before that game begins. I laughed so hard at the 'balor proposing to Lord Nasher' bit. That was awesome, awesome wit. Along with the 'burn them' and other juicy bits.

The relationship stuff is, I think, fairly well exposed... but I honestly can't imagine Sand breaking like that. I mean, yes, he's sharing something horrible, but he strikes me as the super rational kind. Maybe his voice will crack at one point, maybe his eyes might get a little wet, but actual tears? It's very hard for me to imagine it. I suppose I'm rather used to the 18-years-later version of him, who is always collected and a supreme master of snark. Also, you might wish to add a bit more of explanation/description here and there. Why was Vale suddenly crying at one point? It'd be really cool if you sort of led the reader towards Vale's state, explaining in detail what he's feeling, how his body starts to ache empathically, how his blood boils with impotent fury at being unable to undo what happened, how his heart just breaks at the sight of Sand looking so vulnerable, etc. Don't be afraid to ramble! Just step into the character and type whatever comes to your mind. And ditto for Sand, too, unless you want to keep his psychology a secret and show us only Vale's side of the story. Otherwise, the reader feels like a witness to the scene instead of actually getting into the minds of the characters.

But anyway, this is just because you said you wanted some concrit, feel free to ignore it if you want. The story really is pretty cool the way it is now.

No, no, don't you dare apologize for concrit!

Seriously, this is good because so much of this lives in my head, and needs to get out and onto the screen. Part of the problem, I think, is that this was spawned from a much larger fic, in which Sand is quite central, and Vale is peripheral, and yet I'm telling this one primarily from Vale's POV. I'm missing stuff that should be obvious, and might have been had this not been a spawnfic.

For example, in my head, Sand is a little more emotional because he's still too damned close to what happened in Luskan. He's also feeling vulnerable to some extent because in many ways he's no freer now in Neverwinter than he was in Luskan. He may not be asked to do quite the same level of underhanded crap, but it's not his choice. BUT that's not clear enough from what I've got down on the screen.

Vale does need to be a bit more obvious as to why he's reacting so strongly, too, and I hope that's going to come out more later on. I do need to ramble more, and that's the perfect way to put it. I'm sometimes too cautious about boring readers with too much detail and emotional stuff (worse accusation in the universe for me is to be told I write like a chick), but it shouldn't be dry, either. I've been told elsewhere not to spend as much time as I do on the stuff like the bath, or the small details that make it more real to me, at least. I'm glad to see I'm not the only person who finds the small stuff amusing.

Politics, well... I view Machiavelli as sort of a guide to life, along with the truly amusing antics of the Senate of Rome. Half of the NWN and NWN2 issues were political in nature, and it shouldn't be a dirty word in fanfic. It's bad enough no one can get polytheism right. Oops, no ranting... bad Wench! Over at the Pit (our fond name for FF) I tend to growl with the writers I know about that issue. I used to debate theology as a sort of amusing little hobby, until that forum fell apart. Words to live by...never bet with a Presbyterian minister, She won, and it cost me truffles from Leonidas.

Anyway, keep the concrit coming, please! This is great stuff, and very refreshing after a diet of what I get at the Pit sometimes.

[Shadowknight12]

Hah, I get what you mean. Looks like you have it figured out, don't be afraid to ramble. We're not ADD teens with short attention spans, like in the Pit (LMAO awesome nickname).

Well, yes, I do see where you're coming from with Sand's emotionality, but it still feels so wrong, since he just doesn't seem like the type, you know? I don't know, I see Sand as the type to be cold and snarky even if he's bleeding to death from a rape and a beating. But hey, I haven't played NWN2 in a long time, so maybe you have the right of it. And eh, I can't really sympathise with Sand here. He brought it upon himself. If he wants to be free, he should go back to Evereska or Evermeet. If he wants protection, he's gotta pay the price. Nothing's free, you know? I thought he'd be smart enough to have figured out how the world works by then.

Hah, you don't write like a chick! You write very gender-neutral, so don't worry about that. The point is, I think, that if you're going to include emotional stuff, you have to explain it. If you don't like delving into that kind of thing, don't add it. Giving the reader unexplained emotion is like giving them half a cat. Not only is it unsatisfying, it's a bloody, confusing mess.

LOL, I see Machiavelli (and governments like Rome et al.) as sort of "Know Thy Enemy" guides. Though hey, don't be afraid to rant away, it's what the forum's for! If you don't want to do it in this thread, create a new one! Nobody's going to bite or anything. The staff is really easy-going here. Truffles from Leonidas... do I even want to know, lawl?

Will do, Madam! And thank you, I do my best. *tips hat*

[BronxWench]

One of the things that always struck me about Sand in the game is that he's the classic highly intelligent but common sense deprived sort. I actually have a friend like that, which is a scary thing IRL. She's a member of MENSA, but so NOT ask her to walk and chew gum at the same time. Actually, you shouldn't feel sorry for Sand, so I'm pleased that you didn't. He admits that he was an intellectual whore, and an idiot. In many ways, he still is, given that in the game, he never managed to tell the PC about his Luskan past until it comes out in the trial. This would be the billboard moment for stupidity in my book, and I had a great deal of fun with it in the fic that spawned Alchemy.

I love the half a cat comparison. It's true, that, although in my case it was half a mouse, literally. It's not so much that I don't like delving into emotional stuff. I fear going overboard. Irrational, I know. I love picking apart motivation, and a lot of that is emotional, so go figure. Now that NaNo is over, I may just go pick away at the chapters I have up already, and take it from there. Free time is a good thing.

Truffles from Leonidas... ah, well, let's just say that I've made it a mission to discover the kinds of chocolates that could induce euphoria in dead people. These come close. They make Godiva taste like chocolates with training wheels. I actually haven't been down that way in the city for a while, so I'm not even sure if they're still open. I should ask my Other Half to check it out for me one day. A post-NaNo splurge!

[wanderingaddict]

I don't understand why you have this separate, as opposed to integrated with your big-fic if there's so much that's been intertwined. I mean, honestly, when I opened the first chapter of this I had no idea who Sand was. I assumed he was like, a 15 year old street waif! heh, I mean, later a vague memory of some sorta Elrond-looking guy started to pop up, but... yeah, why don't you have this as some side chapters in your big story? or submitted beside it?

[BronxWench]

The big fic is posted over at the Pit, and is much tamer than this one. To be honest, I had no idea AFF existed when I started writing fanfic. Yes, I know, I am sometimes quite hopelessly oblivious.

I started writing fanfic after being intrigued by a group of lively people on the Bioware forums started something called the "Shirtless Sagas" dedicated to writing romances other than the canon "I want to... protect you" Casavir routine thrust upon us by the NWN2 game developers. Between that undying declaration of interest, and the long underwear your character avatar wears when out of armor, the Bioware forum ladies took off. Eventually, the entire thing migrated to the Pit, which is when I got bored at the pool and began writing myself.

I might post an edited version on the Pit, someday, just to see heads explode.

Edit:

To clarify my own post (having been distracted by a rather desperate teenager needing to rehearse lines for "Arsenic and Old Lace"), the events in Alchemy occur primarily before and after the events in the big fic. In theory, it can function as a stand-alone story, since it's not Sand's POV. However, because it does contain events that happen after the big fic, there are some minor spoilers, and I was threatened with ritual dismemberment at dawn if I spoil the ending at the Pit. ::shrugs:: Like that would be new for me.

Edited November 28, 2010 by BronxWench

[Shadowknight12]

Hah, yeah, that's definitely true. And ugh, don't remind me of that particular bit of fail on Sand's part. "Oh, dear councillor of mine, you had a Luskan past and didn't see it fit to inform me yet? Even as you knew full well what I was being accused of and offered to HELP me? WELL GUESS WHAT, YOU'RE NOT HELPING." Ugh, that's what I get for playing a low Int, high Wis and Cha, Aasimar prettyboy. Heh, glad it could spawn a funny scene! And yeah, I echo addict's advice to post the other fic along with this one. At least for the snark value! You can't EVER have too much snark.

LOL. Somehow, I really don't think you can go overboard with character introspection. Though maybe that's a biased opinion, since I'm ALL ABOUT character introspection. Who needs sex when I can look at how a character's mind works? Heh, I fear I'll never stop rewriting my stories, LMAO. Every time I think I'm done with one of them, someone shows up with wonderful concrit that just GNAWS at me until I go back to edit.

Oh, I see! Well, rewards are always nice.

And as an aside, I honestly can't believe Bioware. Did they seriously believe that the sector of the female population that would find Casavir attractive (mainly, women about 30-50 who avidly read medieval romance novels) would buy their game? No, the women who'd buy their game would be teenagers who drool over hot men. I mean, look at them, fawning over Bishop, for crying out loud. Did nobody ever tell them this? Bah.

[BronxWench]

I do remember reading somewhere that the lead writer on NWN2, Davis Gaider, said he didn't like writing romance. Gee, ya think?

Heh. If I posted the other fic here, I'd be swamped with complaints about not enough sex, I fear. It would need a lot of trimming as well, since I really hate the first few chapters. Low on the project scale right now, I think, but posting this one over at the Pit would be easier. Given some of the more recent abominations that have been put up, I might not even tame it down first.

I'm actually in the target range for Casavir, and I found him massively unappealing. Here my PC is, my snarky little elf rogue on first playthrough, looking at all the frigging orcs SHE just killed to save his ass, and he wants to protect HER?

Edited November 28, 2010 by BronxWench

[wanderingaddict]

you won't get badgered for sex. people might say they can't wait for it, but just 'cause this is AFF doesn't mean that story has to have sex. one of my stories doesn't even have any sex, is going on 60k words, and nobody's complained yet

[BronxWench]

Oh, you evil wench! This chapter was a real treat, in all aspects. We get some more elven culture, relationship development, politics and DRAMA. Oh my, the drama!

Now, I have something to criticise. Namely, Gend's metarole in the story. He's being cast as the villain here, and it has been adequately foreshadowed in the past few chapters, but it still comes off as... fake? Forced? Not sure how to define it, precisely. It's as though he's not a true character, but a force used to inject drama in the story and create turbulence in the relationship. Of course, I say this because I have absolutely no idea what his motivations might be (Is he a traitor? Does he want Vale for himself? Does he really distrust Sand that much?), but there's more to it. Perhaps it came off too suddenly, without sufficient warning (we knew Gend was against the relationship, but not that he was willing to sink that low), or perhaps he's simply a rather... undeveloped character. We don't get to learn much of him, after his brief introduction in the first chapter. I'm sure that in the next chapters we'll get to see more of him, and the consequences of his decision (and besides, we all know that by NWN2, Sand's back in Neverwinter), but this is more of a general comment. At *this* point of the story, he isn't that well-rounded as a character.

Now, the good stuff! As usual, you're awesome with the little details that truly make up the world you're setting the story in. Then, I have to hand it to you, pulling off cute and sweet stuff like that. I swear, if I were to try and write the kind of dialogue you used here, I would *vomit*. But you pulled it off really well! Especially with the uses of Elven and Common, how anything said in Elven feels more intimate, more... 'private,' if you will. Definitely a plus. So yeah, all in all, this story rocks. Even if you're an evil wench who can't let these two poor elves be happy together.

Gods, I love your reviews, because they make me think!

Yes, Gend is underdeveloped in term sof explaining why he just did what he did, and it's one of the things I'm already tweaking for the rewrite. I really couldn't do too much without cleaning up the prior chapters, though, so yes. There will be some more development for Gend, but it comes later.

Ack, my elves are cute and sweet? Well, yeah, I suppose they are. Oh, well...feck... I do like playing with dialogue and I suppose that does show. And I'm glad the elven comes off as more intimate than pretentious of me. That's how I wanted it to feel, as though they resort to their own first language in moments of intimacy. But I am really making a concerted effort to write a happy ending for the poor elves, honestly! I'm not utterly heartless.

But thank you again, as always, for reading, for taking the time to review, and for poking me!

Edited December 2, 2010 by BronxWench

[Shadowknight12]

Heheh, awww.

Awesome, good to hear that! Gend has the potential to be a very interesting antagonist, that breaks away from the cliché and truly brings up the story.

They are! They are like honey covered in sugar. That sweet. Which is good, because I really like sweet! I can't for the life of me write it, but I most certainly enjoy it. Oh yeah, the elven definitely comes off as intimate, especially since they tell each other the cutest things, LMAO. Definitely keep that up. And well, I hope they DO get a happy ending! I love those. (And Sand survives the NWN2 bastard ending so there's no excuse not to...)

No problem, that's what I'm here for!

[wanderingaddict]

lol yeah I don't know if it's just the way you write the elves (focusing on their hair, their appearance, their tenderness towards each other) but they do come across as, well, pretty effete Sand much moreso than Vale. Vale actually struck me at the start as sort of rugged and masculine, but even though I have a vague image of Sane in my head (I always thought he looked sorta like Elrond from LotR) the mention of the beads and the way he always has his hair styled a little differently makes me just think... haha, of him as effemninate. it's funny, actually, because I really have next to no memory of the NwN2 game, other than that I was really disappointed with all the companions and that you couldn't get the giant spider as a pet, hah, so this is really fun.

it's neat, too, the route you took with this, having it cover years. it really emphasizes the fact that these dudes are long-lived elves. I have to say that I was majorly disappointed that Vale didn't get a chance to tear Gend in half though, lawlz, I never liked him even in the game when he tries to romance you and just goes on and on about his dead wife or whatever and I was all just like "look dude I don't care, you're booooring"

anyways I like Vale. aww, poor guy. I hope he doesn't spend too much time blaming himself, and instead realizes that it should be rightfully placed on the shoulders of all the people who made decisions for him, as though he were somehow incapable of knowing what's best for himself.

[BronxWench]

lol yeah I don't know if it's just the way you write the elves (focusing on their hair, their appearance, their tenderness towards each other) but they do come across as, well, pretty effete Sand much moreso than Vale. Vale actually struck me at the start as sort of rugged and masculine, but even though I have a vague image of Sane in my head (I always thought he looked sorta like Elrond from LotR) the mention of the beads and the way he always has his hair styled a little differently makes me just think... haha, of him as effemninate. it's funny, actually, because I really have next to no memory of the NwN2 game, other than that I was really disappointed with all the companions and that you couldn't get the giant spider as a pet, hah, so this is really fun.

it's neat, too, the route you took with this, having it cover years. it really emphasizes the fact that these dudes are long-lived elves. I have to say that I was majorly disappointed that Vale didn't get a chance to tear Gend in half though, lawlz, I never liked him even in the game when he tries to romance you and just goes on and on about his dead wife or whatever and I was all just like "look dude I don't care, you're booooring"

anyways I like Vale. aww, poor guy. I hope he doesn't spend too much time blaming himself, and instead realizes that it should be rightfully placed on the shoulders of all the people who made decisions for him, as though he were somehow incapable of knowing what's best for himself.

It's a hard balance for me between digging into the elven cultural stuff, such as the attention to appearance, hair, clothing and such, and contrasting that with the notion of elves in battle (loved Elrond on the battle scenes in LotR) or scouring the field with spells. This particular tidbit isn't really focusing on either of them in their more militant moments, and so yes, they're definitely coming off more effete than not. The next chapter might give a hint of how I see their militant sides, I hope, since neither one is exactly a lightweight as a mage, or particularly warm and fuzzy.

Gend, yes, absolutely. Please, having to drag that story out of him was not worth the bother. And if you did let him romance you, who in the nine hells wants to run away to a frickin' jungle? Chult? Oh, yeah, honeymoon destination of Toril...

As I clean up some stuff in the larger work that spawned this, I may post it here just to avoid having to listen to squeals of dismay from the fangirl set over at the Pit. Both Sand and Vale are much less fluffy and far more dangerous in that fic, Sand in particular. It isn't a huge clean-up, and I actually started a mark-up over the summer when I realized my laptop battery wasn't lasting long enough for me to get much writing done poolside, so it's a matter of putting this tale to bed, and then tackling the bigger one.

[BronxWench]

ShadowKnight: Let me start by saying that I adore your reviews, seriously, because you always make me look at my fic in a clearer light! So, thank you!

It was a melodramatic chapter, indeed! And I admit I really did go to town on Vale's reaction. I'll have to play with Beredir a bit. What I had intended, and obviously didn't get across properly, was that Beredir is walking a fine line between being Sand's friend from his youth, and having become Vale's friend as well. Whenever you're caught in the middle between friends ending a relationship, it can be gruesome, as I've learned first-hand. I was hoping to convey that Beredir might know things that Sand has told him, but that he won't tell Vale, and vice versa. I'm going to ponder, and may bounce a few ideas off of you!

The timeskip was another tough part for me to write. I wanted to highlight the major events without getting into too much detail, especially since this is leapfrogging past the events of the fic with the genasi. I can probably add a bit more to that without making the chapter turn into a fic of its own...

And in case I don't say it enough, thank you.

[Shadowknight12]

Oh, I'm always around to bounce ideas off!

My issue with Beredir is that he actually doesn't come off as Vale's friend... much. Only as an acquaintance. Friendly acquaintance from long back, but still. And it's clearly stated Vale's been neglecting the relationship (which actually might not be that much from elven standards, but still, narratively we don't see the two interacting that much), so the "friendship" vibe doesn't come across that well. I definitely agree on being caught up in the middle of a breaking relationship, and it's portrayed... subtly. Having him bemoan a bit about the difficulty of his position would have worked well, I think.

Hmmm. Well, since it was already a long chapter, you could have added more in the timeskip and split it into two. But really, wench, that was just a matter of personal preference. *I* would have gone for more detail because I like being thorough, even at the expense of clarity. If you want things to be more clear and easy to follow, that's a good thing! Especially if you say you didn't want it to turn into a fic within a fic.

It's nothing! Really, I like being opinionated and you give me an outlet.

[BronxWench]

ShadowKnight: I really don't know what else to say except thank you, for reading, for reviewing, and most of all for being so incredibly supportive and just helpful as I got my feet wet here! You make me think, you make me laugh, and you make me want to push that little bit harder.

I'm glad the end worked, and especially the sex! I had way too much fun writing that, mind you, so yay! I'm also glad my twisted take on Gend worked. His backstory has stuck in my head for so long, and I've wanted to incorporate it somehow, somewhere. I'm also glad the bond worked, and yes, Sand is enough of an inner romantic to think that he'd found the one in Vale...

And thanks again for sticking around for the ride!