JayDee's (TV) review reply, story discussion and additional notes thread

[JayDee]

Corrupt the Midwife gets another review

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InBrightestDay

Since these chapters are farily short, I'm going to just review two at a time from here on out.

Thank you for the review! Naturally I am happy to get feedback in any format, but I actually feel kind of bad for you going through this one because it’s pretty repetitive and dull. Still, from a slumber-verse perspective I guess Shannon’s first outing at a soul snaring attempt has some vague interest if you ever do write a crossover!

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Chapters 2&3

Chummy found herself lead inside, barely noticing how deserted the large building seemed, until Jenny was sitting her down upon a bed. She blinked through her glasses at her fellow midwife, and started to protest that she would be fine as Jenny reached down, calm as she liked, and pulled her uniform dress up over her head.

“Now see here, Jenny, I don’t know-”

Jenny pulled Chummy’s hands onto her bared body and kissed her.

Well...that escalated quickly.  I know this is a sex fic, but even so—

Meanwhile, Shannon, “What’s taking her so long? It’s a sex dream, fuck already.” It is damn quick, I guess I do kind of like the idea of Chummy being terribly British about it though.

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“I say… What?”

Chummy stood outside Nonnatus House, the bicycle at her hip. There had been no stumble, no inadvertent breast fondling. Jenny turned away from looking at the bicycle and strode off with a backwards wave.

Ah.  That makes considerably more sense.

Makes sense? Got to be a first for something I wrote! No, but I think I felt felt in the limited word count using the “it’s a hallucination” idea allowed the ability to get the stuff in quicker. It’s one of the things I think ultimately didn’t work, but I have done very little around orgasm denial so it is always worth trying something new.

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Chapter 3 made me laugh quite a few times.  The first time was for rather stupid reasons, I admit.  Certain, for lack of a better term "British-isms" make me laugh, one of which is "Gorblimey", but the most potent is...

“Eh? You what?”

I always laugh at that phrase.  It's a totally normal expression, I know, but maybe because of the "U wot m8" meme or maybe just because I imagine an angry pub patron going "You wha'?" in a cockney accent, it always makes me laugh.  Like I said, a dumb reason, since that wasn't actually a joke.

Strike a light, guv’nor, those cockney sparrows and their dialogue why it fair warms the cockles it does. Glad I made you laugh, even if some of it was at the story rather than with it

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The second laugh, however...

Chummy wasn’t deterred by the dead writers’ occasional sesquipedalianism. No sufferer from hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia, she.

I know that's just you using the prompt, but it's still hilarious.

Thanks again! Some of the prompt words definitely make you go “For Fuck’s Sake...” but some amazing prompt stories have come out of them over the years. The next set of three prompts I’m half trying to tackle features the word fagottist, so it seemed the only way to work it in would be to have an arrogant basson player as a character. Fella’s gonna get his arm bent quite painfully for one of the other words in the prompt section for that week too, I think.

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On a non-funny note, the little bit of detective work done on the street and Shannon is actually a little creepy, and if you're not already familiar with Shannon it's a nice bit of misdirection, since it kind of makes it look like this might be a ghost story.

Even if you do know Shannon, she’s got black hair and an Irish accent here, and using a different first name so it doesn’t get blatant it’s her until later. I guess it depends on what creeps people.

“Oh, you’re a soul sucking demon from Hell!”

“ ‘Fraid so.”

“It’s such a relief. I was creeped out for a minute there, thought you were a ghost.”

I ought to do a ghost story someday. Besides that ghost horse one I did. Actually now I’m trying to remember if I did do more.

Anyway, thank you again for the review, I really appreciate it. I should get part 3 of The Woman in the Statue reviewed tonight

 

[InBrightestDay]

13 hours ago, JayDee said:

Naturally I am happy to get feedback in any format, but I actually feel kind of bad for you going through this one because it’s pretty repetitive and dull.

I haven’t felt bored yet.  The chapters are fairly short and well-paced, so they’ve never felt like they were dragging.

13 hours ago, JayDee said:

Strike a light, guv’nor, those cockney sparrows and their dialogue why it fair warms the cockles it does. Glad I made you laugh, even if some of it was at the story rather than with it

I wouldn’t say I was laughing at the story.  There are just some expressions from any given culture that other cultures will find amusing, even when the cultures in question are as similar as the UK and US.  As an example of it going to other way, during the DVD commentary for The Mummy (the 1999 one), director Stephen Sommers mentioned that when he was trying to explain to his British crew about how fast a car should be going, they found the phrase “hauling ass” to be unspeakably funny.  Apparently that’s a very American thing to say.

13 hours ago, JayDee said:

The next set of three prompts I’m half trying to tackle features the word fagottist

Dude!  You can’t just say that out...oh, right, not what that means.

13 hours ago, JayDee said:

I guess it depends on what creeps people.

“Oh, you’re a soul sucking demon from Hell!”

“ ‘Fraid so.”

“It’s such a relief. I was creeped out for a minute there, thought you were a ghost.”

To some extent it’s a purely personal distinction, but I think some of it has to do with how you deal with beings with a psychology radically different from your own.  It’s one thing to try to match wits with a demon, because in a lot of fiction they think the same way mortals do, even if they’re smarter and/or have vastly more experience.  Ghosts...don’t.  Ghosts in fiction are often so distorted mentally that it can be hard to say whether they think at all, which is kind of frightening in its own way.

Edited February 5, 2019 by InBrightestDay

[JayDee]

9 hours ago, InBrightestDay said:

I haven’t felt bored yet.  The chapters are fairly short and well-paced, so they’ve never felt like they were dragging.

Well parts 4’s the most repetitive bit and a bit of part 5 and part 7 in a way, and I never felt the brief sexual encounters gelled properly, but hey if you’re not suffering yet it’s all good

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Stephen Sommers mentioned that when he was trying to explain to his British crew about how fast a car should be going, they found the phrase “hauling ass” to be unspeakably funny. 

“You what, guv? You want us ‘auling ass? Well, my mate Dodgy Bob can give us a lend of a van, might even be ‘is, but I dunno if the animal wranglers can get a donkey this time of night. Where’d you want the bleedin’ thing ‘auled, anyway? Miserable buggers, donkeys. My sister in law used to do a show with one, dahn the Rose an’ Crown.”

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Dude!  You can’t just say that out...oh, right, not what that means.

Using much the same reference in the story, if I finish it.

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To some extent it’s a purely personal distinction, but I think some of it has to do with how you deal with beings with a psychology radically different from your own.  It’s one thing to try to match wits with a demon, because in a lot of fiction they think the same way mortals do, even if they’re smarter and/or have vastly more experience.  Ghosts...don’t.  Ghosts in fiction are often so distorted mentally that it can be hard to say whether they think at all, which is kind of frightening in its own way. 

Fair enough! There’s certainly a lot of malevolent ghosts out there – the old stories by M R James could certainly be pretty damn creepy, and, well, Shannon’s pretty nice and laid back for a demon, so you probably are going to have a nicer time with her than some cursed apparation. I can see why it’s less creepy when the soul sucking demon is Shannon.

[JayDee]

Corrupt the Midwife

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InBrightestDay

Chapters 4 & 5

Things started to get a little repetitive in Chapter 4, if only because by now we all know how the formula works (Chummy meets up with one of the cast, they start having sex and it turns out not to be real), but Chapter 5 changes things a little, in that she's actually catching on now.  Nothing in these made me laugh like the hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia thing previously, though I did end up learning what a carnifex was, so I am gaining knowledge from reading this.

Thanks for the review! I hope you can understand why I thought you’d be ok just skipping to chapter 6. Weirdly, Carnifex was one of the few out-there prompts I did know, vaguely remembered it from School ancient wossname, and then it showed up memorably* in The Sandman when I read the collected edition 20 odd years ago. 

*Well, I remembered it!

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Also, I know it was just because of the prompt, but that bit with Cynthia bending over and scuttling up the wall was surprisingly creepy.  That and the whole "masturbating with the crucifix" thing made me feel for a moment like I was watching an exorcism movie.

“Your mother sucks cocks in hell!”

“Yes, Miharu, I know. Every Sunday and Wednesday. She calls it community outreach. Do we have to argue?”

Honestly, I could think of literally nothing else to use that prompt for, so tossed that kind of image in since by then Chummy wasn’t falling for it anymore. Very intelligent woman, that Chummy.

[InBrightestDay]

39 minutes ago, JayDee said:

I hope you can understand why I thought you’d be ok just skipping to chapter 6.

Yeah, I definitely get it now.  Good news is that Chapter 6 is up next.

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Weirdly, Carnifex was one of the few out-there prompts I did know, vaguely remembered it from School ancient wossname, and then it showed up memorably* in The Sandman when I read the collected edition 20 odd years ago.

Meanwhile the only way I knew of the term was from Warhammer 40,000, where there’s a monster called a Carnifex.  Of course, that didn’t tell me what the term meant.
 

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“Your mother sucks cocks in hell!”

“Yes, Miharu, I know. Every Sunday and Wednesday. She calls it community outreach. Do we have to argue?”

 

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Honestly, I could think of literally nothing else to use that prompt for, so tossed that kind of image in since by then Chummy wasn’t falling for it anymore.

I probably would have just made some sort of giant crab monster.  That wouldn’t have made any sense in this story, but I wouldn’t have let that stop me!

[JayDee]

10 minutes ago, InBrightestDay said:

Meanwhile the only way I knew of the term was from Warhammer 40,000, where there’s a monster called a Carnifex.  Of course, that didn’t tell me what the term meant.

Funny thing, learning words from Warhammer – there’s a Warhammer fantasy character from around 30 years ago with the surname Dieudonné, which was where I first heard that name (I never played Warhammer, but I read a few of the books). Apparantly the Warhammer character was in turn named after an actor I’ve met someone else with the name since!

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I probably would have just made some sort of giant crab monster.  That wouldn’t have made any sense in this story, but I wouldn’t have let that stop me!

“There was a giant crab monster!”

“What happened?”

“What happened? This is Poplar! It got mugged.”

[JayDee]

Corrupt the Midwife gets what will probably be the final ever review, and deservedly so, since it’s not really my best work. Still better than that fucking Spyro story. 

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InBrightestDay

Chapters 6 & 7

And so we have reached the...erm...climax.  Well, technically 6 was the climax and 7 was more of an epilogue, but still.

Thank you for all the reviews and this final one. I do appreciate them all. There’s pretty much only 7 there because I wanted Chummy to get her rocks off at the end and didn’t have the time with the stuff I wanted to show in part 6. I’d been through half a dozen different ways to end it and settled on that one. I think a resounding ‘meh’ would be fair, though you’ve been too polite to say it.

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Shannon again manages to come across as somewhat creepy here, especially that "I was never born" line, which is a nice little way of describing her inhuman nature.

That was something I wanted to get in right from the start –it just felt like a great reference to the name of Nonnatus House in the series. There’s been lots of others who’ve referred to demons (and angels, and others) as not being born of course, so it’s not an original concept, but the trope sure fit there!

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Serious credit must be given to this line:

My God created pleasure, don’t you know, one doubts there was ever sin in taking it when no harm was done.

Thank you!  There's this really annoying trope that pops up in erotic fiction where the good guys, especially in fantasy stories or stories featuring religion, feel that sex is sinful in some way, apparently forgetting that, assuming God created the universe and all the living things in it, then He invented sexual reproduction so...obviously it isn't evil.  There are sins related to sex, of course (rape, adultery, etc.), but the act itself isn't one.

It seems like something Chummy might say facing a Succubus. While in a poorly written femslash. I think a lot of the sex is sinful stuff has just come from a lot of assholes seeking control over people’s bodies.

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I did a little bit of research on the characters, and I'm pretty sure Chummy actually has a husband.  I don't know if Trixie is bi, but then again this is a femslash story, so I should probably just ignore all that.

Chummy absolutely had a husband, Peter Noakes, who she met during the first season, and their whole relationship was made of awesome. This story is set so early on in the series that she’s only just met him (mentioned in part 2 as “Now, there was a lot to be said for kissing, but she’d always rather thought she might go for a chap like that nice young police constable.”)  She’s taller than him One of the endings I strongly considered was Chummy ending up with Peter at the end, but didn’t go with it for a few reasons. Of the ones I can remember now, one was that it seemed kind of off that Chummy was going to have so much fun thinking about Jenny and Trixie and then end up going back for cock and another was keeping it all femslash meant I wouldn’t have to put a generally misleading MF tag on it, and could leave it in the TV Misc Femslash catagory, since getting new series specific subcats is pretty rare these days due (I think, and happy to be corrected and no offence or complaint intended!) to the admin with the necessary database access being extremely busy in real life and obviously when someone’s a volunteer on a fanfic site that goes on the backburner compared to more important things like working, and living, and waging the forever war on The Lawn. As for Trixie, well, it was never explored in the series I don’t think so isn’t fanfiction great?

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Overall, I don't think this was bad.  It gets a bit repetitive partway through, but pulls itself out of that by Chapter 5.  The sex might not be your best work, but I still enjoyed the story and think it was worth reading.

Well thank you! It’s nice of you to say so, and I do appreciate it. I think the Shannon stuff’s worth reading and maybe the odd amusing line of period speak (and, fair enough, the nature of pleasure and sin from Chummy!) but this one falls so firmly into my “Didn’t work, goddamn it” catagory I didn’t even want to mention it to you for the Shannon appearance for a while. Still, it’s all finished now – thanks again for the review

[JayDee]

I was wrong! More reviews for Corrupt the Midwife! Yay!

Thank you for these reviews! I really appreciate getting them, it’s always great to get feedback. I’m really glad you enjoyed it, too, because it means there’s gotta be some good in there!

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pippychick

Part Four

Oh, man, this is a fabulous read... although I suspect that's partly because I quite fancy a bit of Trixie myself. I don't feel sorry for Chummy at all here, though it's becoming clearer that she's been singled out for torment (or something).

I'm catching up on this story before the actual 'Call the Midwife' which is waiting on iplayer. I adore this so much, and your writing is a thrilling antidote.

Thank you for writing, and for sharing. This is awesome, and I'm heading straight to the next one!

...or just Fantasy!Trixie getting drunk and horny :p She did have fun with Trixie, but surely a little sympathy that she didn’t get off at the end? On the other hand, there’s worse ways to be tormented!

I don’t always see the new Call the Midwife episodes right off myself – I really liked Chummy’s character way back, and it feels ages since she left. Still, got some good characters there still.

Thank you for the reading, and for reviewing!

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pippychick

Part Five

So... something has revealed itself at last, though I'm not sure it's a demon. Nothing like a bit of blasphemy, but I sense the 'spirit' isn't so much evil as it just doesn't care about that stuff. Chummy is a little distressed by it, though. If I were her, I'd just take full advantage, lol... but then I wonder if that is it, and all of this is some kind of lesson? I'm not willing to accept that the thing means her harm as yet (if it had I think the bicycle would have crashed for real), though it's definitely having fun with her.

Hmm... questions....

Onto the next one!

I’d answer questions but you’ve already read the next one and got the answers – no physical harm meant, just making a play for her soul… and Chummy gives a bit of a forceful lesson of her views in the nature of pleasure and sin herself!

Heh, full advantage Chummy, “Gosh, you’re flexible. Can you put your ankles behind your head do you know?”

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pippychick

Part Six and Seven

Being unavoidably delayed in reading and reviewing this, I wanted to stop and ensure that I left a note on each chapter, but after reading part six I had to see what happens next.

I wonder now what would have happened had Chummy given in and took the Shannon girl/thing up on the offer. I really like themes of corruption, especially if the character involved "loses" but in fact, feels like they've ended up on the winning side. I think when they surrender, they can never know what it would have been like the other way. There are prices and rewards no matter what people do.

I'm so glad it ended with my favourite, Trixie. I loved the mention of Monica Joan (honestly, that character is wasted as a nun). But more than anything, I really do like the ending. If there could be an improvement on Call the Midwife, it'd be seeing what all of those midwives get up to in their rooms while the nuns float serenely about outside. You've given me a little glimpse of that, and I love it.

Oh, and I have to say that was excellent work on the prompts.

I think I'll be revisiting this story occasionally. Thank you for sharing your talent with us. You made me smile, laugh, and all the good things.

It’s been really great of you to read and review this at anytime! I hope that things are going ok/better for you at least. Hasn’t been the same around the forum without you!

So what would have happened… Chummy would have become a succubus hybrid, and sent to try and tempt others into perverted sin. She may have been successful and eventually died and gone to Shannon’s corner of Hell, which is actually less unpleasant than some of them. Alternatively, one or more of the Nuns might have twigged and found a way to redeem her, and save her soul despite the deal she’d have made. It’s the same Shannon who appears at the end of You! when she’d gone blonde, and is seeking her own redemption.

Monica Joan’s radical younger years probably had more than a few shocking events for the time… “...so then I found he wanted me to sound him with my knitting needle. Well, what could I do?”

I’m glad you liked the ending! A chunk more sex there with real Trixie instead of fantasy!Trixie to round it off, I can see how it does come across as a bit of an add on after the previous part, but at least Chummy got to come…

Have to wonder what some of the Nuns get up to in their rooms as well. Heh.

Thank you again! I hope it bears up to re-reading. Sounds like you got a bit more out of it being a fan of the series. I think given the brief nature of the prompts it probably helps to fill in the stuff there wasn’t room to explain to non-fans. Maybe.

[pippychick]

36 minutes ago, JayDee said:

So what would have happened… Chummy would have become a succubus hybrid, and sent to try and tempt others into perverted sin.

Maybe it’s just me, but damn I’d choose that with my eyes wide open, lol. But, you’re right… it’s not for Chummy. It really was fun to see her trying to deal with it all though. She’s so brilliantly in-character! I’m quite sure this fic would get a few little giggles from Miranda too.

39 minutes ago, JayDee said:

Monica Joan’s radical younger years probably had more than a few shocking events for the time… “...so then I found he wanted me to sound him with my knitting needle. Well, what could I do?”

I just laughed so loudly my dog thinks I’m ill. He’ll be taking me to the vet.

40 minutes ago, JayDee said:

It’s been really great of you to read and review this at anytime! I hope that things are going ok/better for you at least. Hasn’t been the same around the forum without you!

Things are better now, thank you (almost lost damn near everything, and have somehow managed to save it all). Reading this story has been like sitting down with your favourite drink after a long, long day, only that day seems to have lasted for months. Exactly what I needed, and again, thank you so much for sharing with us. I really appreciate getting to see your writing and talent - I hope you know that.

[JayDee]

Awesome to hear things are better! Sorry about the dog worrying – I’m sure he’ll rest easy once the vet’s had a look. I can hear you little fellow now “Sorry, I know there’s no dignity when the temperature’s being taken but at least you can get a dog treat afterwards. Why don’t you look so happy with that?”

I love seeing your talent too! Your The Price story remains one of the best things I’ve ever read, and that’s against some stiff competition from other writers on here (another one has joined it in my sig… now I need to try and persuade each of you to read each other’s stories! ). Also that Mercy story, lines from that come back to me at random times.

[JayDee]

Corrupt the Midwife –  1333 hits! Not terrible for a story in the depths of misc! One day it’ll be sat all on its own in a sub catagory! But with it being such a niche fandom for fanfic It’s not urgent

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@Thundercloud

I checked this story despite never have watched the actual show since you mentioned it features Shannon. I am glad I did because it was clearly a worthwhile read. Not that the story feature much of Shannon even if you used the character well.

Thank you for the review! Shannon also got InBrightestDay to look at it, from which I can only guess she’s an appealing character and that if I had the time her Doctor Who halloween party “Slutty Weeping Angel” costume would go down go great. I’m glad you found it a worthwhile read. I’d have felt bad for you if you’d finished it and thought “Well, fuck. That’s half hour I won’t get back again. Fuck this JayDee!” Which is the standard thought of most of my readers. I have a review that’s very similar to that on litereotica anyway.

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The setup with the cursed bike was quite fun and the dream sequences a clever way to allow you do pairings that I suspect are not realistic considering the show. It of courrse gets a bit repetitive when you have realized the formula, but the one in chapter 5 with wooden cross was really hot. That scene could have benefit from getting expanded if you ask me.

Thanks again! Absolutely agree on the repetitiveness – even having Chummy realise it is repetitive doesn’t excuse that the reader’s there already. Cynthia masturbating wih a wooden cross is definitely a bit out of character. Trixie getting drunk and horny, well… no, all very out of character. So, yeah, the dream/fantasy sequences allowed it. While I’ll not be expanding that scene, if I ever get back to proper writing a demon pleasuring herself with a cross might well show up again. It’s probably less blasphemous than the idol worship of praying to a cross, or so the old school iconoclasts might have argued.

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My only complaint would be that the ending felt a bit cheap...after all these scenes when she resist tempatation they suddenly has sex. It is in itself a good ending with leaving them as a couple, but it does not IMHO mesh well with the rest of the story.

Thanks for the feedback! I can see where you’re coming from there. What I was trying to show as a follow on from Chummy’s little speech in the previous part –

“I’d rather be Miss Havisham than join you. My God created pleasure, don’t you know, one doubts there was ever sin in taking it when no harm was done. Perhaps some got their morals wrong over the years, but I know what’s right and I’ll choose to look for love rather than surrender to lust. This is 1957 and I may love anyone I choose. I won't be corrupted”

Chummy had the realisation that it was perfectly fine to have pleasure and love and sexy stuff as long as nobody is being harmed. She was resisting temptation of making a deal with a demon, but after what she’d been through she was perfectly happy to have sin free loving sex with a friend, with no danger to her soul – It’s been a year but I think Shannon had been partly trying to get her so frustrated she’d sell her soul for a good gushing orgasm. There’s also a driving point of a difference between harmful lust and non harmful. Just not explained very well, but that was sort of the point I was driving at!

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If I might come with a suggestion I think it would be possible to revise the ending in a slightly fun way...what if it not really Trixie at the end but a shape shifting Shannon?

Shannon feeling that it would it would be a shame getting all that lust lost comes there and seduce her. Chummmy feels fooled but ultimativly Shannon failed to make surrender her soul so this was just Shannon getting overcome with desire for lust and failing her job.

As a final twist Shannon says that she selected all partners for dream sequences based on whom who secretly feels attracted to Chummy and could be convinced to have f/f sex if the circumstances are right. Chummy is left with if she can live without the experience of girl on girl sex or if it is too dangerous to try it.

It’s definitely an interesting idea but Shannon pulling off a Trixie mask (magically speaking) feels a little out of character for her. She’s perfectly happy to pretend to be a cheerleader or a fan or friend-of-a-friend or something to get someone on top of her, but I think she’d be less happy at a full on bed trick. 

Thank you again for the thoughts and the feedback! It’s always really useful to hear where readers think something didn’t really work. I wasn’t very happy with how the story turned out as a whole, and I might still one day manage another Call the Midwife based story with Chummy and some chaps.

Edited October 20, 2019 by JayDee

[Thundercloud]

4 hours ago, JayDee said:

Corrupt the Midwife –  1333 hits! Not terrible for a story in the depths of misc! One day it’ll be sat all on its own in a sub catagory! But with it being such a niche fandom for fanfic It’s not urgent

I think you should keep track of when it reaches 1337 hits...should be worthy of some celebration.

4 hours ago, JayDee said:

Thank you for the review! Shannon also got InBrightestDay to look at it, from which I can only guess she’s an appealing character and that if I had the time her Doctor Who halloween party “Slutty Weeping Angel” costume would go down go great.

For readers looking for a little bit of smut I do think Shannon is a great character.

4 hours ago, JayDee said:

I’m glad you found it a worthwhile read. I’d have felt bad for you if you’d finished it and thought “Well, fuck. That’s half hour I won’t get back again. Fuck this JayDee!” Which is the standard thought of most of my readers. I have a review that’s very similar to that on litereotica anyway.

The problems of building a reputation...I think there is great likelihood people would build up some expectations when an author liking your kind of kinks include the word “corrupt” in the title. I did not really mind since the story had quite a few good points but I can see why some readers could have been expecting something quite different.

4 hours ago, JayDee said:

if I ever get back to proper writing a demon pleasuring herself with a cross might well show up again. It’s probably less blasphemous than the idol worship of praying to a cross, or so the old school iconoclasts might have argued.

Suppose the demon is into pain and likes the hurt caused by the cross...

4 hours ago, JayDee said:

Thanks for the feedback! I can see where you’re coming from there. What I was trying to show as a follow on from Chummy’s little speech in the previous part –

“I’d rather be Miss Havisham than join you. My God created pleasure, don’t you know, one doubts there was ever sin in taking it when no harm was done. Perhaps some got their morals wrong over the years, but I know what’s right and I’ll choose to look for love rather than surrender to lust. This is 1957 and I may love anyone I choose. I won't be corrupted”

Chummy had the realisation that it was perfectly fine to have pleasure and love and sexy stuff as long as nobody is being harmed. She was resisting temptation of making a deal with a demon, but after what she’d been through she was perfectly happy to have sin free loving sex with a friend, with no danger to her soul – It’s been a year but I think Shannon had been partly trying to get her so frustrated she’d sell her soul for a good gushing orgasm. There’s also a driving point of a difference between harmful lust and non harmful. Just not explained very well, but that was sort of the point I was driving at!

I actually think you explained it okay...more like cheap in the sense of rather small firework for the end of the story than cheap as in bad writing.

4 hours ago, JayDee said:

Thank you again for the thoughts and the feedback! It’s always really useful to hear where readers think something didn’t really work. I wasn’t very happy with how the story turned out as a whole, and I might still one day manage another Call the Midwife based story with Chummy and some chaps.

Good luck with that.

[JayDee]

17 hours ago, Thundercloud said:

The problems of building a reputation...I think there is great likelihood people would build up some expectations when an author liking your kind of kinks include the word “corrupt” in the title. I did not really mind since the story had quite a few good points but I can see why some readers could have been expecting something quite different.

Female character fails utterly and faces punishment! Shannon’s arc is a total JD story Mind, the actual punishment she gets isn’t as effective as her superior hoped.

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Suppose the demon is into pain and likes the hurt caused by the cross...

“...I like pain as much as the next demon, but I really didn’t want a splinter there.”

[Thundercloud]

On 10/21/2019 at 4:48 PM, JayDee said:

Female character fails utterly and faces punishment! Shannon’s arc is a total JD story Mind, the actual punishment she gets isn’t as effective as her superior hoped.

All very true...except that the punishment was not as effective as her superior hoped...

On 10/21/2019 at 4:48 PM, JayDee said:

“...I like pain as much as the next demon, but I really didn’t want a splinter there.”

How about this curse...“You cannot climax until have suffered a splinter inside your cunt”

[JayDee]

17 minutes ago, Thundercloud said:

How about this curse...“You cannot climax until have suffered a splinter inside your cunt”

Sounds like something said to April O'Neil in a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fanfic! :p

[JayDee]

Holodeck Bitch yet another one of those flashfics I did when I did a prompt a week for a year. This was definitely one of the tougher prompt words with ‘Opprobrium’ and is definitely poorly written porn.

Anyways, 9 years later a review

Quote

ANON - on December 04, 2020
 

I can't believe Kathryn janeway would 

be turned on by having sex with a dog just 

because she had her bush nusseled

Thank you for your comment! You make a very fair point  – it doesn’t get that lonely in space, after all. I got not defence for this one.

On the plus side at least it wasn’t a horse nuzzling, am I right?