Sex

[Aserenity]

Yes.

everytime you have sex you give away apart of yourself to someone else, no matter if you think "its just pointless sex" subconciously your at lost. The lost of value upon your body and a lost of pride.

whether you beileve in the bible or not, the fact is sex was ment to be intimate between two people to create the feeling of being "united as one" and creating offspring.

just a thought to ponder.

that's why I am a virgin and I choose to remain one.

[redsliver]

Neither of those answers fit with how I view sex. I've never equated or really even related sex to love and I completely disagree with you view that sex is some great unifier between two lovers. In fact there is very little MEANING behind sex. its a biological process, an act to satisfy a horomonal drive, in fact the desire to procreate is usually not the fuel that causes arousal.

Now this sort of suggests that I see sex as entirely physical. Which isn't the case. There can be some very powerful emotions behind sex but the thing about emotions is that they are personal. In my case, I've never loved anyone I had sex with, but that didn't make those times meaningless. Even the awkward first time which, I'll admit, I wasn't quite mature enough for.

As for there being a loss of pride in sex, I've never experienced it. And to declare that there is some subconcious loss for giving and receiving pleasure perplexes me.

I respect your decision to be a virgin, in truth I find it admirable, but it comes with its own form of ignorance. Your opinions on sex have been formed on second hand information, from a source, which I suspect is Christianity, that is not known for encouraging learning in the first place.

[Guest Adara]

I think Sex is valuable to those who feel it to be. I myself find sex to be not only great, but fun with someone I love and care about. I would never see the point in random sex, simply because it just doesn't appeal to me.

Sex is a biological process and sometimes need, BUT, it becomes more, if one makes it more. I find that sex IS much better when you share more than passive attraction for someone. One's response is heightened. Not saying that the sex will be better per say, but may FEEL better.

Not that a good ol' fashion screwin' doesn't sound great just for the hell of it. I just like it with someone who won't make me a conquest to tell in his future.

[Guest Alien Pirate Pixagi]

I have a few issues with this. One would be that you're looking at this in a very black and white matter. Second, you're running on the assumption that if a person sleeps around, they have no sense of pride or respect for themselves or their bodies. Well, jeeze. Sex is one of the many ways people express theirselves. Are you saying that expressing one's self is degrading to them?

It is true that permiscuity can lead to, or be a symptom of some type of emotional or mental unhealth. However, this is usually associated with with a lack of self confidence, self esteem issues, or a multitude of other issues. But.. what about those who are of clean mental health? Those who have a plethora of confidence and self-esteem yet have multiple sexual partners? Do they have no pride for their bodies?

The human body is a beautiful, beautiful thing. What's so wrong with wanting to explore this beauty? As long as a person is being true to their own wants and desires along with being straight forward with their partner and respect their partner, there is nothing wrong with sexual activity between two consenting people of resonable age and maturity.

It's when people start lying and what-not that the issue become unhealthy.

[Iggy_lovechild]

Hmmm...Well, sex is a complicated thing for me right now. To be perfectly honest, I'd rather write about it than enact it these days. I don't know what that says about me emotionally.

As for the whole love and giving up parts of yourself to each lover.... Hmmm, I'm inclined to call it a bit too sentimental, but I can be a bit too sentimental when it comes to sex and desire. I tend to romantisize it at times. But honestly, I think it's completely unfair that so many believe that "casual sex" is a cry for help or the act of desperate sluttishness. It's not always like that, though it takes experience to learn that there can be meaning in pleasure, just as much as love.

And I hope all this makes sense. My brain is a little distracted at the moment.

[Aserenity]

I respect your decision to be a virgin, in truth I find it admirable, but it comes with its own form of ignorance. Your opinions on sex have been formed on second hand information, from a source, which I suspect is Christianity, that is not known for encouraging learning in the first place.

i'm actually not christen or any reilgion for that matter...i view sex that way because i don't allow the media to influence my ideas...i have self respect and why risk everything (getting pregant, regretting it, STDs, not being ready etc) for a short organism I can easily give myself

[Aserenity]

sorry mispelling "Christanity"..... lol masterbation is the key to those of you who say "act on desire"...i prefer that then sleeping with someone I barely know for the time being.

[Aserenity]

I have a few issues with this. One would be that you're looking at this in a very black and white matter. Second, you're running on the assumption that if a person sleeps around, they have no sense of pride or respect for themselves or their bodies. Well, jeeze. Sex is one of the many ways people express theirselves. Are you saying that expressing one's self is degrading to them?

if i was looking at this subject as black and white then I wouldn't except yours or anyone else's around me (basically I'm out numbered) opinion...your body do what you want.

secondly I don't assume....you know it makes an ASS- our of U and ME (assume) I just wanted to put a yes answer and a no...i realize there's an inbetween.

[redsliver]

I apologise for assuming that your views were based on your religion. (assumption is the mother of all fuck-ups after all.) However my point is that you're making a choice based on secondary information. I'm not encouraging you to go out and jump someone's bones at random, I'm suggesting that the opinion you formed that casual sex comes with a loss of pride and/or value and that sex is meant for two people to share some "perfect bond" is both childish and uninformed.

But I guess, the important thing is to make decisions you will remember well or at least not regret.

Oh and keep on masturbating for those organisms!

[StoryJunkie]

Actually, I agree. Sex between animals and sex between humans pretending to be animals are two different things. I believe its not something to be taken lightly or casually (inspite of my orgy posts!) My husband used to belong to a cult that taught that everyone you've ever slept with you take to bed with you because you bond with that person to a certain extent, and you "share germs" so to speak. He was into auras and astral projection and all that stuff, which I don't disbelieve, although I don't make it the nexus of my life. Good grief, it is SO hard to cook for people like that, you have no idea.

However, that being said, I couldn't vote either way. The first is not necessarily true, since even in a monogamous relationship, sex can be recreational, not just intense love, and the second is just, well, crass. I don't think that anyone does that except someone who is looking for love in all the wrong places and equates sex with love, or someone who is a slave to a pimp, and in that case, it's bought and paid for, not given away.

[Aserenity]

I apologise for assuming that your views were based on your religion. (assumption is the mother of all fuck-ups after all.) However my point is that you're making a choice based on secondary information. I'm not encouraging you to go out and jump someone's bones at random, I'm suggesting that the opinion you formed that casual sex comes with a loss of pride and/or value and that sex is meant for two people to share some "perfect bond" is both childish and uninformed.

But I guess, the important thing is to make decisions you will remember well or at least not regret.

Oh and keep on masturbating for those organisms!

what's wrong with being childish..since the topic of reilgion came up in the bible it says you should be more like a child....innocent of mind and body....

and they do say: Ignorance is bliss

that's my kind of bliss

[Aserenity]

what i'm trying to get at is this: so i believe in something that you define as "faulse bonding"...so what.....i beileve in intimacy and share your body with one person...think of how great of a gift that would be if someone gave you the very thing they vauled of themselves....its pretty special... and though for me and my boyfriend its hard because i pretty much love him but i'm not "in love" i'll be "in love" with whoever i marry and though you think its "ignorance" my response is: tough....I beileve in love because i know for a fact it exsist

and yes masterbation is amazing

[Guest Alien Pirate Pixagi]

Er... as forum etiquette goes, double posting is a big no-no. This is not to say that people don't do it occasionally, but every time you post a replies to what people are saying, you post multiple times. Please, please refrain from double (and triple) posting one right after another. It gets annoying to read. It is possible to respond to everything in a single post. And if you want to add anything right after posting, you can always edit the post.

Now, as to the topic of discussion here, just because a person sees things in black and white doesn't mean they aren't open to other's opinions, it just means they don't expect anything but yes and no answers. Though, I DO catch your meaning.

Also, you seem to think that by saying that sex is the ultimate expression of love is an ignorant beliefe means that believing in love is ignorant. What I believe Red was saying is that sex is not made for the expression of feelings and love. Sex is made for procreation. And, as observing dolphines will tell you, recreation. It is my beliefe that sex for pleasure was only developed because the mind developed and living conditions for humans had improved so much. As the mind developed, humans needed new reasons for having sex since they didn't know where babies come from that means they also didn't have any real reason for wanting to have sex. Therefore, whatever the fuck decides these things, be it nature or some supreme creater or whatnot, humans started liking sex. Liking it to the point that it became a favored passtime, especially for those in the prime child rearing years. There's a reason for all those raging hormones in the mid-teen to mid-20's years, folks.

And, yeah, ignorance is bliss? Ignorance kills. And THAT folks is why abstinence only classes DON'T WORK! Kids who were never given any specifics on sex besides "don't!" never get the facts, have sex ANYWAY and don't use condoms because, according to GW Bush, condoms and other forms of birth control don't work. Kids, I've been on Birth control for over 6 months, am EXTREMLY fertile, and viola! Not pregant! I also don't have any form of STD. Why? Because I was smart enough to know who and who not to trust with my life. I've only ever slept with one person in my entire life, and I know for a fact that he's only slept with one person in his entire life. And while, yes, we were sure we were (and are) in love when we started having sex, it's not the reason we started (for the most part). We started having sex because we wanted to, because it felt good, and we found eachother "OMG so HAWT!" That, and I had known him for a while before we started dating, and even then, we waited a good 6 1/2 months before then to actually start having actual full blown sex (cause fooling around is the love<3).

And really, I don't think much of what you say is very valid until you actually have a sexual relationship, because I used to have many of the same feelings toward sex that you did until I actually started spending time with other people and got their takes on the whole thing and after having dated a bit. This, of course, was followed by a lot of introspection. I'm not shallow or stupid enough to just eat everything that everyone gives me.

I do, however, wonder where your views on the whole thing came from. It would help me understand a bit of what you're talking about.

[Aserenity]

please stop critizing the way i post things....if i want to post a few different points i will and one person telling me their opinion won't change that.

just like my beilefs...i do what i want and i really couldn't care less about what you or anyone else thinks of my opinions or me.

you also said that you can't take me seriously because i haven't had a sexual relationship....honey, you do not know what you're talking about .

and fine don't take me seriously i really do not care...i just told you what i think..take it or leave it

another point you brought up was i said red-whoever said love was faulse...to me sex is love... hence "making love"! so ummm.....yeah that's where i was getting at..... ingornance can be a bliss in a way.

"the trials of my youth are gone but the chemicals remain"....keep your mind pure...it doen't mean your not knowledgable...it can mean that the knowledge is good/pure knowledge.....

[Aserenity]

and as for you not being pregant or getting STDs let's hope your luck doesn't fade.

this might sound bitchy but i just came home from work and i am so friggin tired!

[Aserenity]

Er... as forum etiquette goes, double posting is a big no-no. This is not to say that people don't do it occasionally, but every time you post a replies to what people are saying, you post multiple times. Please, please refrain from double (and triple) posting one right after another. It gets annoying to read. It is possible to respond to everything in a single post. And if you want to add anything right after posting, you can always edit the post.

Now, as to the topic of discussion here, just because a person sees things in black and white doesn't mean they aren't open to other's opinions, it just means they don't expect anything but yes and no answers. Though, I DO catch your meaning.

Also, you seem to think that by saying that sex is the ultimate expression of love is an ignorant beliefe means that believing in love is ignorant. What I believe Red was saying is that sex is not made for the expression of feelings and love. Sex is made for procreation. And, as observing dolphines will tell you, recreation. It is my beliefe that sex for pleasure was only developed because the mind developed and living conditions for humans had improved so much. As the mind developed, humans needed new reasons for having sex since they didn't know where babies come from that means they also didn't have any real reason for wanting to have sex. Therefore, whatever the fuck decides these things, be it nature or some supreme creater or whatnot, humans started liking sex. Liking it to the point that it became a favored passtime, especially for those in the prime child rearing years. There's a reason for all those raging hormones in the mid-teen to mid-20's years, folks.

And, yeah, ignorance is bliss? Ignorance kills. And THAT folks is why abstinence only classes DON'T WORK! Kids who were never given any specifics on sex besides "don't!" never get the facts, have sex ANYWAY and don't use condoms because, according to GW Bush, condoms and other forms of birth control don't work. Kids, I've been on Birth control for over 6 months, am EXTREMLY fertile, and viola! Not pregant! I also don't have any form of STD. Why? Because I was smart enough to know who and who not to trust with my life. I've only ever slept with one person in my entire life, and I know for a fact that he's only slept with one person in his entire life. And while, yes, we were sure we were (and are) in love when we started having sex, it's not the reason we started (for the most part). We started having sex because we wanted to, because it felt good, and we found eachother "OMG so HAWT!" That, and I had known him for a while before we started dating, and even then, we waited a good 6 1/2 months before then to actually start having actual full blown sex (cause fooling around is the love<3).

And really, I don't think much of what you say is very valid until you actually have a sexual relationship, because I used to have many of the same feelings toward sex that you did until I actually started spending time with other people and got their takes on the whole thing and after having dated a bit. This, of course, was followed by a lot of introspection. I'm not shallow or stupid enough to just eat everything that everyone gives me.

I do, however, wonder where your views on the whole thing came from. It would help me understand a bit of what you're talking about.

lol now that i read this over its in a new tone....i thought it was a little "bitchy" at first but its actually pretty funny...you seem to have a fabulous sense of humor

thank you all for your opinions

[Guest cu-kid]

I think that you are missing the point of what other people here are trying to tell you, Aserenity, while taking personally the opinions and thoughts of those who seem to have more experience with the subject at hand.

The whole thing about sex is that it's different for everyone and no one is ever going to have the same experiences with it. You say that to you, sex = making love, but to many that's a false equation. Animals rut in the bushes outside your home, and, while it is an act of sex, it is most certainly not love. I mean, where is the love between the praying mantis when the female bites off the head of the father of her children after copulation? Sex isn't love; in its purest form it's nothing more than survival -hence the term, "survival of the fittest" which has nothing to do with how smart or physically strong you are, but how genetically strong you are.

The truth is, everyone sees sex as something different. You see it as an act of the ultimate expression of love, couples may see it as a way to expand their family, some girl may see it as a way to get over an ex, some guy may see it as another notch, and the hooker down the street sees it as his/her next meal (or drug buy, I guess).

Your opinions and beliefs are yours and, really, no one can tell you that you are wrong for having them. But, be wary of speaking out on things that you have not personally experienced, because there is always someone out there who has. As pixagi said, "Ignorance kills." While I wouldn't go exactly that far with it, I would definitely agree that ignorance is not bliss. You should always hold in high regard what knowledge others can offer you because then, at least, no one can ever say you are uneducated.

As for seeing sex in black and white... well, it would be nice. I however, have had sex with people I've loved and those I didn't, have always been very careful, and have never regretted a decision (I'm an over-analyze everything kind of gal ).

[StoryJunkie]

Actually, Pixagi reminded me of another human thing, and a conversation me & my daughter got into today: sex can and is used as a tool of power. During the serbian/croatian war, let us not forget there were rape camps set up to deflower muslim girls so they could not marry, since marrying a virgin is a prerequisite of the muslim faith. This was a very devious hurtful and blatantly cruel thing.

One of the topics in her history class was the Japanese invasion of China where, as soon as the allies were conquered, the women and children were rounded up and used. Men do very evil things with that thing called sex. I think, to them, it can and is used as a means of power and domination.

and PS: double posting is pretty annoying. Just please use the "edit" button and we'll think about forgiving you

[Aserenity]

adressing this to everyone:

1. i know people's opinions are very different then mine....if you knew me personally one characteristic ofmine would hit you square in the face: i am very outgoing and open minded...i'm a bit of a hippie ..and if i didn't understand that everyone else had different ideas why would i post this forum? i would have no reason to. i like hearing people's ideas and debating with them. its a favorite hobby and i hate when i start a debate, people automatically think i'm attacking them personally...i do not think you're a slut if you have sex...like i've said before: your body do what you want.

2. ignorance can be looked at in two different ways: One is the way a lot of you see it: unexperience, sheltered, trying to mask or being unaware of the danger or situation around you. I view it as number 2: believeing...being a kid again...i know it sounds stupid but i kind of miss all the purity all the simple mindedness that came with being a child...i kind of think in a way people are trying to grow up way to fast and don't spend time thinking in that way...beileveing, no questions asked. (i know it sounds stupid)

3. my final thought is this....many people have sex, many of my friends, many of my peers...but i stay the same why? because i don't want to be like them..i've never followed the crowd and i never will....have i ever considered having sex? of course...have i been close? many many times...but through my life i've changed reilgons, altered my whole way of thinking...can't I keep one thing, one vaule I've dreamed about since i knew what sex was, the same? I keep changing and changing everyday and i contradict every thing i say but there's one thing i'm sure of...i vaule my virginity and will remain a virgin till marriage....do what you want...but i choose this.

as one of my teachers said: "if you don't have an opinion in the world, get the hell out!"

(4. and again sorry i keep reposting....forums are new to me)

I love you all and thanks for the response!

[Guest Reika]

Yes it is special and intimate.

I personally have only had sex with one other person and we are planning on keeping it that way.

So personally I am not the type that believes in the same values most of my characters do. I cannot explain why then, I would be motivated to write about characters who have in my opinion, lesser and sadly depressing ideas of sex and other various issues.

I do believe that having sex with someone means something even if it is pointless, and that is sort of an underlying theme in my writing.

[Aserenity]

omg i know exactly what you mean...i can't seem to get any of my characters to have sex! i don't know if its because i vaule it so much but for some reason i just can't.

[StoryJunkie]

er, did you just read the same post as I did? I don't get your response.

Reika's statement reveals that although she personally has high standards, her characters do not, and she wondered why that is so. did I read that wrong? (Goes to read some of Reika's stories)

[Aserenity]

er, did you just read the same post as I did? I don't get your response.

Reika's statement reveals that although she personally has high standards, her characters do not, and she wondered why that is so. did I read that wrong? (Goes to read some of Reika's stories)

oops read it wrong.

but do you have any advice for me? All my characters seem to be the same?

[StoryJunkie]

I'm probably too full of advice for my own good, as you well know.

The first piece I will give you is to be patient with yourself.

Understanding comes often with a painful lesson.

What do you know of bitterness unless you have been so disillusioned that the cup Jesus drank was one you realize is the very grail that holds the souls of the damned, that's how bitter it is?

To love greatly after that experience is to love deeply and to understand what love is.

To be hurt badly takes no courage, only stupidity. To stand up after a fall and hold up your head takes a strength that is beyond the comprehension of those who have not experienced hurt.

To apologize when you realize you have done wrong takes real courage. There is where you meet true fear: within yourself, when you weigh within you the things you value and hold precious against the things that are only passing.

Humiliation is only passing. Accepting the consequences of our actions after that, is easy, because you did the right thing.

So, in relationships, and in characters that you build, there are certain things we are all guilty of, and there are certain things we are proud of. To dive into that ocean of human behaviour, we must first understand our own.

do you understand what I'm trying to say?

Maybe just watch One Piece. that says it all (not the dubbed version. The subbed)

[EveKnight75]

I'm a virgin. You can discount my opinions if you like. Still, I'll state them.

Sex means something different to each and every one. It can be romantic, meaningful, casual, friendly, or anything else. Meaningful sex isn't necessarily romantic. Casual sex isn't necessarily meaningless. You can have sex with a friend without harming the friendship or having it develop into something more. That's what "friends with benefits" means, doesn't it?

I think a huge factor of good sex boils down to the people involved. What kind of person are you? I have one friend who loves to have casual sex, but it's always with people she's known for a long time and trusts. She's not ready for commitment, and she's cynical about romance. The whole "candles and a bubble-bath" scenario just doesn't suit her tastes. I wouldn't call her a slut. She's never desperate for sex, won't always just jump right into the sack, has healthy self-esteem and respects others. She wouldn't try to coerce someone into casual sex.

I have another friend who's always been overly romantic and has sensitive feelings. He wants a guy that can respect that without trying to label him a femme or something. He's only managed to enjoy sex when there's a lot of cuddling and sweet words involved.

Oddly enough, those two are each other's best friends. Outside the sexual arena, they have plenty in common.

There are also times when your sexual tastes deviate from your everyday personality. Through sex, you unleash the hidden side of you, and you're sharing it with someone you trust and are comfortable with.

Sex isn't just about love, marriage, procreation. or recreation. It's a part of who you are. I don't feel that I'd need to think myself in love when I do have my first time. However, I know for sure that it needs to be someone who I've known for a long time and trust. I do need to love this person, but a deep and strong friendship will do it for me. I'd want a classic, romantic setting for my first time, though it needn't be pre-planned.

That's what I'd like for my first time, but I won't know what it's like until I'm actually there. After that, I wouldn't mind casual sex. I'd only draw the line at having sex with a complete stranger. I wouldn't mind having kinky sex either. I like to exercise and express my imagination.

Come to think of it, there's a lot of things I'd like to try out once the first time is out of the way. BDSM, roleplay, exhibitionism, etc. Not scat or watersports though. That's just gross. No rimming either. I tend to get ill easily and I wouldn't want to explain that to my doctor.

I have the same issue as Reika. When I write about the sexual history of my characters, it doesn't parallel anything that I'd imagine for myself. For example, with one couple, their first time will have a negative psychological impact. It'll be planned, romantic, and consensual, but not something that they want. The sex is excellent physically, but an emotional nightmare. They love each other, but not in a romantic way. It's not much wonder that they end up becoming a bit screwed over, even if others view the signs of it as positive aspects of maturity.

It's something complicated, which is why I'm taking my time with it and making it a long read. It loses a lot if it's too short. Still, it's not what I'd ever envision for myself. However, I do understand why I write it. I do enjoy writing characters that are similar to me. It's putting an aspect of myself on paper. But I also enjoy writing characters that are very different from myself and hold different values. Sometimes their morals are more old-fashioned, sometimes more ambiguous. There's just something to be gained from writing a character that's not like yourself. It truly allows you to step into someone else's shoes and see the world from a different view, because you have to temporarily adopt the different view as your own if you want to write the character effectively.

Wow... I think I became a bit too philosophical. I didn't mean to. I do regard sex as something special, but not that special or important.