greenwizard

This may sound like a stupid question, but what is it?

Something's been going on lately that's been scaring the crap out of me. You know that headrush you get when you hang upside down? I've noticed that I get that when I lay on my back, and I feel pressure on my chest and it's hard to breathe. Is this me having a panic attack....? It's happened every night this week, and I haven't really given it much thought until last night. I've also blacked out twice while masturbating. The headaches haven't stopped. My appetite has been randomly switching back and forth from me being starving, or geting sick at the sight of food and having the shakes. Ok, to the topic at hand... There may be something seriously wrong with me, but I can't go to the dr. I have no insurance. I just went two weeks ago for a throat infection, and I haven't paid that bill yet. I'm not sure they'd bill me again, and I have no money at the moment. The state has medical assistance... but I can't get it. I get disability for my anxiety craziness (the official diagnosis is schizophrenic effective disorder but I don't think that quite covers it), and so my income is too high. For those of you who don't get government checks, and don't know anyone who does, my boyfriend works about 30 hrs a week at Mc Donald's, and we're just barely scraping by. And you wanna know the really fucked up part.... According to the welfare department, since we are not legally married our income is supposed to be considered seperate. Well when they reviewed my income they kept it seperate because $900 a month from the government is over their income guidelines; just barely, but enough they denied me. My boyfriend's measly Mc D's check is under their income guidelines, but he got denied too. Why you ask... Oh, they counted my income with his. And even if I did go to the dr. it wouldn't do me any good. For one, I know just enough about the human body to be dangerous. Add my anxiety and the fact that I ask a lot of questions, I got labled early on as a hypochondriac. I know I am one to an extent. My anxiety makes me freak out over small stuff. So doctors don't generally listen to me when I know something is wrong. If I presented all my symptoms I'll get told it's all in my head. I didn't start freaking until last night when I started thinking about all the weird stuff together. So why, if it's my anxiety, would all the symptoms continue to be consistent over a week or so when I wasn't panicing. Panic attacks don't last for more than a few hours. And even if by some chance the dr believes me, he won't do anything. Doctors won't do tests on people with no health insurance. I know they think they're doing me a favor by not puting me in debt, but not puting me in debt isn't going to do me any good if I'm dead... The whole damn situation is so frustrating and scary I could scream. I don't cry much, but I cried last night.

I really hate panic attacks. I've never fainted. I'm just convinced I'm dieing and I'm inconsolable. I actually called 911 once because I was relaxing in bed and half my body started going numb. I was home alone and seriously freaked out. The doctor and nurses treated me like I was an idiot that was wasting their time. I didn't appreciate that much. I thought I was having a stroke or something and I was terified. Half your body is not supposed to go numb!

That's hilarious... I have long blondish hair, but I don't think I've ever been mistaken for a girl... Maybe it's my height. *shrugs* But I would've paid to see the look on that guy's face.

I just had a huge fight with the cell phone company over $15. They charged me a reconnect fee because apparently my service was shut off for 3 1/2 hrs... They had received my payment that day, but it took them a few hours to get it processed. Not to mention I talked with a representative the day before I sent out a check and TOLD THEM IT WAS COMING!!! I used to be like you and not stand up for myself... but I just got really sick of being screwed over by large companies. Now I'll fight tooth an nail over the tiniest things. Though with my budgest, $15 actually makes a significant difference. How sad is that... I wish my school would've let me skip public speaking. I hate being looked at. Don't know if you would call that social anxiety or not.... but my whole body blushes when I have to speak in front of people.

That sounds like it might be allergies. Mine get like that sometimes if I don't keep the dog hair swept up. I also get really bad sinus congestion. There was one time it got so bad I thought I had pink eye.

Been there done that. Actually, it's not that I have trouble saying no period, I just have trouble telling certain people no. I guess it's another one of my weird quirks. I have a passive agressive personality. Around some certain people I feel dominant and I will tell them to shove it where the sun don't shine no problem. But around other people I will be very submissive. There was one night I was feeling kinda down and was invited out. I should've said no. At the end of the night I ended up being a pimp. I don't know how I get roped into these things... But I can honestly say if that situation ever presents itself again I will dig my heels in and go home to curl up in bed. My boyfriend now wants to murder that particular friend for puting me in such a dangerous situation.

I tweak out on my boyfriend when he grabs my ass.... He does it constantly though. He has an obsession with puting wet handprints on my backside after he washes dishes. I think he has an obsession with that part of my anatomy.

Have you been watching a lot of TV or staring at a computer screen for long periods of time? Sometimes if I've been playing a game all day my eyes go a little funny on me. Right now they hurt because I got cinnamon in them. I was mixing up a homeopathic remedy to make me feel better. Don't ask how I managed to get it in my eyes, but I did.

Lack of reviews is a common problem. Even great stories get few reviews because most readers are too lazy to bother. I don't review every single story I read, but I do review the ones that make an impression on me.

grrr... was already in a bad mood... http://hp.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600015031 http://hp.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600014702 http://hp.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600014835

And more... http://hp.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600015829 http://hp.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600015543

http://hp.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600016239 http://hp.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600015950

Well at least I'm not alone in being deprived of morals. There are a lot of things I won't write, but not much I won't read. Bloodplay is gross to me unless it involves vampires. Necrophilia is kinda gross unless done well.

It means I'm scared.....

Oh we're all seriously screwed because of him.

*Bangs head on desk*

Depending on the size of the container it's a tub or a carton

I'm one of the lucky few that can honestly say I'm nothing like my parents. I look at my mother everyday, and shake my head and walk away. My mother is a fool. She thinks dating guys 6 at a time will find her a rich guy to marry. She also thinks I don't know what she's doing. I wasn't aware I had stupid tattooed on my forehead. I would've thought I would notice that seeing as how much it hurt when I got my dagger tattoo.

I'm starting to get fever and chills, so something tells mw this isn't just a headache. The headache just came first I guess.

Since regular asprin wasn't doing much I went and got excedrin extra strength. We'll see if that at least takes the edge off. I already tried a hot bath because my shoulders are tense. It helped my shoulders... but not the headache.

Today is day 4 of my headache. Nothing I have tried has worked. My bloodsugar is so low my whole body is shaking, but I'm too nauseous to eat 98% of the time. My vision randomly get blurry... I get these headaches sometimes, and lucky me they can last about a week. After day 2 I get very short tempered and snappy. I have fantasies about slitting someone's throat just to watch them bleed! I went to subway yesterday and there was this woman who was talking on her cell phone while her sandwhich was being made! I really wanted to fucking stab her... It's a Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde kind of thing. I'll be my normal sweet self when the pain goes away. Until then I'll be wondering why I don't murder people that annoy me. On that note... anybody happen to know any home remedies for bad headaches? I'll try anything at this point.

All I gotta say is oi....

Sadly this is something you have to worry about when you get a beta. It gives a bad name to good betas. When I contact someone to beta for me I always keep the email. That way, should the unthinkable happen and I get accused of plagerism, I have some type of proof it was the other way around.

Being civil is knowing how to tell someone off without using cuss words. That's my pearl of wisdom for the day.