wanderingaddict

lol, no shadowknight, a hershey's kiss actually sounds almost cute. it was a snickers bar, which to me at least is just about the worst possible candy you could imagine for this situation. on another note, good god I really need to stop coming here and posting right before bed. previous post now massively edited.

you may not flirt with strangers, ShadowKnight, but what about your pals? hee, I'm kinda the same as Shadowknight, only instead of principle, I'm just really bad at flirting/never interested in it. I like being flirted with (some of the time) but don't really flirt back. I can tell you about the two ends of the spectrum for me though, if you want? on the one hand, there's the type of flirting that absolutely repells me, which is whenever a guy (usually one that I'm already not really interested in) tries to sorta "strut" or show himself off, and that's always sort of a boner-kill. you know, like the "sexy finger lick" stuff that's always used and written about as being irresistable to semes? I dunno, just that whole vein of "ooo look at me I am so sexy" style flirting is kind of a turn-off. I am an absolute sucker for teasing though. every guy I've fallen head over heels for has been one of those witty bastards that loves to toe the line between "appropriate" and "jesus fuck I can't believe you said/did that". hah, like have you ever heard about that dumb "It's Okay" game? there's not much to it. all you do is simply walk up to a dude, cup his crotch, and go "Don't worry, it's okay." haha, geez, I could never, ever manage to not leap away the moment my buddy did that. that's the whole point, of course- you "win" by not reacting when the person casually cups you in an incredibly exclusive area, but yeah. bold, (bordering on audacious) physical touches make me fall like nothing else. it doesn't have to be under the exclusive handle of a homoerotic bromantic "who'll flinch first" game, that was just an example. kinda get a picture of what I mean though? and actually, come to think of it, a lot of the flirting I've seen guys do is *very* physical. little touches around the body, sitting side-to-side, as opposed to across. and then the self-touches that guys do when they're interested in someone; the "package check" (whenever his hands go to his crotch and he adjusts himself), straightening the shoulders and back, leaning forwards and shit. the whole finding excuses to touch, from what I've seen, happens a lot. verbal teasing is also part of that same heady elixir. I, heh, dunno how exactly to explain this one, so I'll just give it my best shot; mostly, it's... maybe the dichotomy between what the guy says, and what he means. I can't really think of any... um, heh, less embarrassing examples, so I'll just dive in: one time, my gaming buddy Ossero (we'll call him), who is a serial flirt, was going through a list of things he was saying he'd do to me. it started with "share a gatorade with me" but it was getting more ribald and outrageous, until he was saying things like... haha god... "I'd eat a [popular candy] from your [bodily orifice]". geez, I still can't even think about writing it out, it was so filthy! haha, anyways, my point is, it's not that the flirting was filthy {I've had other dudes tell me- in all seriousness- that they want to do disgusting things with/to me (/shudder)}, but it was really something more along the lines of "holy balls, you are UN-believable, and lawlz do you make me laugh." I mean, it's pretty obvious he's not being serious about the ribald stuff, but the fact that he's pushing the conversation in that direction means his interest is there. haha, know what I mean? anywho, those were the only examples of real men flirting with dudes that I can think of. like ShadowKnight said, it's usually a lot more direct, and then the flirtatious stuff arises during the actual relationship. or maybe you should just type "bromance" into youtube and watch what comes up? haha, I can't help but think that that might just be easier. I mean, with girls it's pretty clear. guy struts up and either dominates (sometimes even childishly picking on her) or shit like, her and him having long coy sexual banter some such? but with two dudes, yeah, like ShadowKnight said, they're either going to bone right away (almost regardless) or else they're kinda buds/similar and will get their bromance action on. I suppose one common thing to remember though is that, generally, girls are "supposed" to be a bit more reserved. at least, in my own experience, the girls that flirt with me always attempt the coy route, and that's something I never care to follow (see above ). so yeah, I guess my summation would be that- generally- most guys I've seen flirting are a bit more "aggressive" (and I mean the term very loosely) and willing to persue a little farther, or else rise to a challange when they encounter one. both parties are a little bolder, as there's no real "giving it up" concept for dudes, and there's a lot of space inbetween for them to cover before they get to the point of "okay, too far." that's not to say that there aren't ultra shy guys, or that there aren't bottoms who love to be dominated and want some dude to treat them like a... treat them "poorly" (ha), but I personally have no experience with that, sorry

lawlz, yeah, Bara, in its fierce resistence to Yaoi, goes almost 100% in the opposite direction, which really isn't a good thing either. I don't mind a little hair, but when every guy is +200 pounds and looks like a bear, it's a little much. plus bara is so skimpy on plot! it's always like "hey! lets fuck! okay wow that was great! the end!" heh, no worries. there are enough gems to make raking the muck worthwhile, but... kinda get tired of have to work so hard all the time, ya know? shadowknight, I'd actually argue that the retarded uke is incredibly flawed. it's an artificial contrivance that goes so far beyond just being a self-insertion fantasy that it breaks the actual story itself. none of the characters act as though they're actual people, with real responses and genuine interests, but rather just a series of arbitrary reactions clearly designed to make a vagina explode. a hardcore, total asshole seme randomly going against the grain of his character and helping some inept little girl-boy is just tossing the notion of characterization and development to the wind, and if its the (typical) example of the seme sales associate just doing the inept uke computer analyst's work for him, then it also tosses all notions of logical plot to the wind as well. the uke isn't even a character- it's just a crying cum receptacle that messes up all the time. my question of "would you want to have sex with your uke?" is more of a rhetorical question rather than lack of understanding it doesn't matter if they want to BE the uke so much as "do you respect your uke enough in both looks and ability to consider having him penetrate you(female)?" [not to be sexist here, but the few male yaoi writers just do tend to be a bit more egalitarian so how this applies to males would be a lot different] if the answer is "my uke is hot as hell and I'd ride him into the sunset!" then sweet deal, he probably doesn't even deserve the awful brand of uke! but if there's a hesitation, or a period of "warming up to" then I'd say it's pretty clear that the uke in question is nothing but a glorfied cum rag. anywho, I'm breaking away from the argument! there definitely are stories where the reader is supposed to construct the story/take away whatever they want for themselves, and I think that is the only case where the worthless uke concept has only the slightest bit of legitimate ground. in almost all cases though, you're basically introducing a complete and utter failure at everything into a world that demands at least some marginal form of competency. unless the character was magicall born the day before, backstory, history, and setting should all have caused at least some degree of functional thought and operation. the worthless uke concept nullifies all that- even to the point that he's lost all sense of gender identity. he can't even be identified as a man, because he possesses no "masculine" traits (such as not immediately crumbling in the face of adversity, to not burst into tears at the slightest provocation, etc). in short, he's a magically spawned null with zero personality and no redeeming qualities that don't involve limitless self-sacrifice or bizarre attachments to abusive relationships. nothing about HIM is interesting, or personable, or worth reading about. all he does is serve as a means to an end (that is, to read about the seme). I don't think think that's the end of my counterpoint, but it's late and my vision's getting blurry so I'm off to bed!

the most common explanation I've seen of it is that rape holds a lot of taboo appeal for women, and since women are the majority writers of yaoi, it ends up being included a lot. to be fair, the general idea of "rape" in yaoi isn't really "rape" so much as "the seme knows you want this and you[the uke/female reader] know you want this, but you can't admit it until he shows he makes you realize what your "body" already knows." so, in a sense, it's just more of the uke being absolutely batshit retarded, so stupid in fact that he doesn't even know what's going on with his body. it's basically the same as the super innocent girl complaining that her vajay-jay feels tingly(!) and she doesn't know what to dooooo and it's kawaaaaaiiiiiii omg I wouldn't get so mad about it if most slash writers actually made their bottoms(ugh) even marginally likable, rather than either helples punching bags or utterly useless little bitches. I mean, really, if you (the author) wouldn't want to have sex with the uke, why the hell would a gorgeous, athletic babe like the seme care to stick it in him? much less spend the rest of his life (ostensibly) taking care of an autistic guy who's only a few IQ points short of a drooling idiot? the fragile, spineless uke is probably the single most overused cliche in M/M writing. but I digress. rape: yeah, it may not be "rape," but it really looks a loooooot like it, and crosses the line more than enough times to usually make no difference at all.

really? I'd say the most common plotline is incredibly pathetic, thoroughly unattractve uke-ultrabottom meets either unpleasant asshole or charming prince who is way more than the uke deserves. either way, rape ensues, uke gets teen pregnant, seme convinces uke that he loves him through more rape, the uke grins and bears unpleasant sex. I've grown used to it though. now it hardly even irks me. what still pisses me off though is, kinda like the OP was saying, the uke has some sorta bomb-attractive friend who wants to do him, but because the uke's vagina is wide open and dripping for the seme asshole his kind, attractive friend stands no chance.

haha, I don't know... I can honestly say that I have never had an erection sneak up on me. at least, not in the last in the last ten years since puberty. some of the other guys might have to comment otherwise, but personally I've never experienced it, sorry I might have to burst the mystique surrounding the morning wood too- hah, most of the time it's hard more as a means of bladder control, rather actual arousal (as it is very hard for the internal mechanisms for urination to activate when a man is hard). sure there are some really awesome days when morning wood is more like a real erection, but a lot of the time it's just an annoying obstacle (and almost insurmountable challenge!) when trying to aim it at the toilet. hah, that was probably a lot more than what you wanted to know though.

so (because I'm just curious) what's the stance on say, someone continuing a story that the previous author as clearly stated- either on their page or in that story itself- that it's "up for grabs" for anyone to continue? what if they can't be contacted through site resources for expressed permission?

oh, I forgot to talk about tagging! it's funny that you guys feel that way, actually. I usually don't even bother looking at tags, on one hand because there are so many unfinished stories that the tags are irrelevant, and on the other because so long as the story is good I shouldn't really care (and if it's bad it's my fault for continuing to read instead of just cutting my losses and just walking away). plus there are such wild differences between even a tag like "M/M" and "M/F"! I mean, there could be all of like, one chapter in a long-ass story where one male side character kisses another dude inbetween scenes of the heroine getting fucked senseless by hordes of barbarian orcs, or the whole story could be the inverse of that with one female side character blushing at the rejected suitor's charming smile while her gay Best Friend Forever spends 3 whole chapters working his boyfriend's cock right on the other side of the wall. and that's not even including all the other combinations of everything inbetween! AND that's just the sexual orientation stuff, not even getting into the incredible differences between "light' BDSM and crazy hardcore alligator clamps and leather suits BDSM. I'm of the opinion that you should tag the predominant sexual orientations of the story, and unless it's a "one-shot one-hander" the rest is just up to the author. hah, I mean, geez, I've had reviewers tell me- on a clearly tagged M/M story- that "they didn't even know it was M/M until the sex" so it's really in the reader's hands whether they get the story they want to read, regardless.

hee, I don't think wild sex is ever "out of character" by itself. I think anyone could have some pretty wild scenes. it just gets weird and wonky when like, what they do in those scenes is just... fetishy, like the if Sookie decides she wants to do hardcore bdsm with Arlene on a whim! I mean, sure you could work in a little bit of a rope fetish in there with the lead-up of say, the two women trying some kinky ties on a 'girls night' or something, and that could even lead to some intense, hardcore sex stuff, but once it becomes, like... "more than casual sex" (i.e. either affecting their relationship overall or just wildly kinky), that's when it just is... weird...

huh. okay, cool! thanks! I do usually like the wrap-around, but I was kind of thinking of giving something new a try. one more question though- now, is it <blockquote> beginning of story end of story </blockquote> or is it <blockquote> every single </blockquote> <blockquote> line of </blockquote> <blockquote> text in </blockquote> <blockquote> the story </blockquote>

Hey, I've always been curious if there's a way to set the text-width/"page margins" or whatever to a smaller length for certain stories? Normally I like the way standard layout well enough, but sometimes it just feels more appropriate to submit it in the MSWord 6" width format. Is it at all possible to do that?

haha, oh yeah, god- I get what you mean! I can only handle it before I get *hard* hard, and I'm getting hard while it's pointing down already. once it pulls free though, it's not going past horizontal. that's a good point! I'm glad we could be helpful to you girls though!

lawlz, a man ALWAYS knows when he's "getting hard." a lotta girls may not even have the slightest idea about this, but there's actually a long, long, LONG time where the guy's not hard at all (depending on the situation of course). assuming all things equal (no pressing urgency, etc), a guy sorta starts getting "tingly" let's say. it's a shift in his breathing, in the flow of his blood. usually, he'll do a sorta half-shift, a reposition of sorts, because his dick is getting "twitchy" and he doesn't want it to show through his pants. any man who's finished puberty is EXCELLENT at controlling and concealing his erections. it's sort of a "trial by fire" if you will. after a few years of suffering from rock-hard erections that come and go in a flash, at incredibly inoppertune times, we kinda learn to deal. but more to your original question, the best analogy I've ever been able to come up with is this: all men have a penis. a penis he likes very, very much. easiest explanation? girls, think about your tongue. think about how often you move it around in your mouth, outside of talking or eating. think about how sensitive it is, how often you accidentally burn or bite it. how generally aware of it you are at all times. now put that between your legs. that is a penis. men are ALWAYS generally aware of their penis. it's a protruding object in a very inconvenient place. god, I can even think of the number of times I accidentally sit on my balls and flinch in pain every day. hah, well it's probably not even one or two times a week, but still, those few times I do I remember it (ow!). when I stand up, I feel it drop and shift. if I switch positions, sometimes I have to adjust it because otherwise it will look REALLY FREAKING OBVIOUS where it is. I am aware of it at all times. I am on constant alert for flying/falling object that seek to harm it, because GOD does that hurt. it's like getting knifed in the kidneys, even with just a glancing blow. all men know this, all men fear this (well, maybe not the weird, creepy guys who like to pay hot women to knee them in the balls, but you're probably not writing about those in slash are you? ). anyways, does that kind of give you some background information about the penis itself? the whole tongue-thing should sort of be kept in mind when trying to explain an erection. I don't know how in-depth of an explanation you want though. I mean, it's really kind of two-part system. the guy started feeling aroused first. like I mentioned earlier, it's just... a shift in the blood. his lips part maybe, or his interest increases. it's very subtle. basically though, his body's just being like "hey! hey dude! if we're gonna get hard, I'm ready! just lettin' you know!" his dick's not even hard at all at this point. it probably hasn't even swelled, to the naked eye. it's kind of... poised, though. on the precipice. then, depending on whether there's going to be more sexually stimulating stuff going on, it might get harder, it might soften, depending on how anxious he feels about it. like, if he's kinda into what's going on, it'll slowly inflate as he gets more into it. if he's turned on, but he knows he's not getting any or it's not "stimulating" enough, or if he simply has a great deal of self-control, he'll stay in a semi-hard state for a bit before his body realizes nothing fun is gonna happen and gives up. he may be still *aroused* for a good while, but his erection is not into it. his body has better things to do (and, of course that doesn't preclude him from getting hard later). physically, there's ALWAYS readjustment. depending on the position his penis is in, getting hard could be a fucking *bitch*. if like, the penis is tucked downward, alongside the crease of the hip and leg, getting hard is fine. pleasant, even! the resistence gives a bit of friction with each pulse of blood and the guy's kind of "safe" because his dick's tucked away in an unnoticable spot. if it's along the length of the leg though, fuck! that shit sucks! you either have this obvious tube arcing over one leg, or it starts to get REALLY hard and slides up to nuzzle your waistband! then the guy has to shift position, or readjust somehow to either relieve the tightness of his stomach pushing against his dick pushing against his waistband, or to conceal the obvious boner he has. and then for the actual penis, that really depends on the guy. some dudes have a high pain tolerance, and can jerk off with just their hand. others just require spit, and then some guys (usually uncut) won't let you even think about touching their dick without a handful of lotion or lather. uncut is different too, because it's like a tight ring of skin sliding out over a very sensetive tip. purse your lips tightly and then slide your tongue through them. it's kind of like that, depending on the tightness of the guy's foreskin (ranging from hella tight to really loose). then, depending on how horny the guy is, his dick could be a mere shadow of its real self (if he's not interested, anxious, bored) or it could pack on exxxxtra inches like no tomorrow, surprising even the dude who owns it (if he's SUPER-ULTRA-MEGA turned on!). of course, neither case is necessarily a garauntee of climax. erections can be so hard the dude's willing to drive it through a brick if he has to, and then other times he's going great and suddenly he feels the blood returning to the rest of his body and he's like "no no no stay hard please stay hard!" only now he's super worried and the hot babe looking at him is making him feel emasculated and weak and that's only making it worse and now his erection has turned into a limp droop but short answer is: a man might be surprised by his erection on the rare occasion that something has captured 99% (NINETY NINE PERCENT) of his attention/is so unbelievably erotic that his brain is on overload and he can't hardly think, but generally no. guys know when they're going to get one, whether to stop it from happening, and how to shift, adjust, and sit so that no one around them has a clue.

um... I think I messed up with some of the words I used when I say "care" like in "why should the reader care about this character" I don't particularly mean... "like." I mean, more in a general sense, "why should the reader be *interested* in this character?" do you get what I mean? there are perfectly awful characters that are great for the story and everyone wants them to die, and while the reader may not "care" for the character, they still have some sort of emotional investment and/or interest in what the character does. so it actually is sort of strange to hear you say that you don't particularly like any of your characters. if you don't think that they're at least somewhat interesting, why are you writing about them? and it's the same for not caring about the quality of the story and just wanting it to be done. why not just hammer the whole thing out and then post it as one solid whole? why bother with the ups and downs of feedback at all? haha, not to put you on the spot or anything, but I just find it a bit curious. and it's also distracting my from clarifying my point about the timing of the interludes and stuff. what I think I'm not being very good at getting across is urging you to consider the effect of placing one scene "here" versus "there". the reason I brought up Theranil is because to me, it's perhaps the clearest example of a scene that could draw much more interest from the reader if put into the context of the overall plot. you know what I mean? like, in some sense, it's kind of a spoiler. you're saying flat-out that "hey! this guy has got some problems!" only instead of the reader knowing why they should be at all interested in those problems, it's just kind of tossed out there. it's very random- and though it may be pertinant to the story later- it's completely irrelevant *now*. which also makes me comment on your "failing" with the interludes- the idea by itself *isn't* a failure. if they were interludes with relevancey to either the time of the surrounding journals (i.e. cultists gathering to mount an attack, other adventurers wandering around Jaedanar, etc) or even decribing the Felwood or the Verdant glade as it is "now," then they'd be totally integrated into the story whole. a natural part of the flow. the reason I was trying to encourage you to reread your story as a whole was because I wanted you to kind of see how it looks right now- that is, that the first 20 chapters or so are completely related to Felwood/journeying there, and then the recent ones just kind of generally start to meander around. maybe I could try a simple analogy? imagine me writing a story about an orc. an orc doing generally mundane, if cute, things during his day and a mildly entertaining read in general. then, right before he works up the nerve to confess his feelings for the travelling human salesman that wanders about nearby, I cut to a seen about a dwarf pally barely surviving an attack by a bunch of Dragonmaw orcs. and then I just continue with the orc and the human salesman a little bit more. now, it doesn't matter how that scene is relevant to the story- if, say, 20 chapters later I'm going to have a dwarf pally come in and hate on the orc- because in terms of the story itself, it has to face two questions: what purpose does it serve having it then and there? it just distracts attention from the orc's confession, and leaves the reader confused and perturbed. for all the reader can tell, it's something that really derves to be entered in its own seperate story- or, at the end of this one. or maybe, if it's placed just after the dwarf enters the main storyline, it's put in the context of his character, so the reader can be like "ooooooh, I see! THAT'S why he hates orcs!" it has a much stronger impact because the reader sees one dot and connects it to another themselves. I don't have to say that this is the reason the dwarf hates orcs. I don't even have to say that he hates all orcs, I just have him be mean to the main character and people will grasp why. I've provided a bit of data, and the conclusions can be drawn from it on their own. the content you've put in these interludes, however, aren't... like that. there's nothing to be drawn, or to ponder about. you're pretty much just telling us that "hey, heads up! Therandil's going to be joining the gang!" even though we have no pretext for knowing that. with Thrum we do, but now, from the moment Therandil shows up we know that he'll somehow just be buddy-buddy. there's a difference between tossing out some kernals of truth, hints to some greater overarching plot or some character's hidden agenda, and just being, well, random, which honestly any author in these archives can be. I do know exactly what you're talking about, honestly! I love looking far ahead into the future! it's just that these interludes aren't really hints of things to come so much as "gee I feel like writing about this right now" and then posting it. do you kind of get what I mean when I talk about the interludes being integrated? the first two, with garos and therandil, I could be leinient about and be like "oh, maybe he might have a plan for the future" but with the dragon, the wrathgate, it's just kind of like "okay, these are just random scenes that could or might not be even real?" I don't mean to dissuade you from continuing however you want, or to discourage. I jsut want you to think about your story's structure and how best *you* can serve *it*. one easy way (for me) to do that is- sure- read your own story with nothing but what's on the page in mind. it doesn't matter that you wrote it to appeal to yourself- what matters is that you simply critique to yourself with "what haven't I achieved that I wanted to here" in mind. hah, it may just be that we have totally opposite approaches to posting. I'd rather sit on one chapter for a year than post anything less than "finished", and you just want to get it done. but, you know, sera sera. if you're happy with your story and the way it reads then that's all that matters ^.^ p.s. just about the timeline of "four years ago": WoW is set 5 years after the WC3, and BC was ~5 years after WoW, with Wrath ~X time after that. or maybe Wrath is ~5 years after BC? Blizz wonks up their timeline like no tomorrow anywho, I have no idea of when you're setting this, but my comment about the Wrathgate scene ending "their death" mystery, is that WotLK is supposedly still "now" in the reader's mind, so "four years ago" plus draenei and blood elves being around means BC time-ish. the actual destruction of the glade could take place at any point, but the words "no survivors" and the "scouring of journals for clues" (with these characters narrating their time) strongly implies that something big and bad happened before/during WotLK. so... yeah I actually have no idea when you're basing the sentinals finding these journals. I mean... now... what? heh, you latest comment about the timeline you're basing this in means "four years ago is WotLK" so... so like, "current time" is now after Cata?

yo, sup holmes. long time no see eh? heh, sorry, but I usually don't feel comfortable leaving empty praise, but don't like to comment if I can't see where the author's going and/or trying to do. I was thrown off at first by the interludes, but now I think I want to sort of... hmm, maybe just chime in about a couple things! so like, I have no idea where you are with developing your writing talent (and some AMAZING writers still have no idea when I mention some of these things so there's that for ya) so I'm just going to dive right into the main idea here, the "contract with the reader." now... in starting with this, it's probably best to think of it as an agreement between two people. it's a simple, unspoken one, but it's there more or less, you know? the "contract" is basically that, in exchange for the reader reading, the author promises to fulfill certain expectations: that is, to maintain the story premise or the story hook that drew the reader in. for example: the summary at the start of say, some romantic comedy, talks all about lovely Gertrude and handsome Dave going through some comical mishaps together in southern Louisiana. the story starts out that way, but then, halfway through, the author basically dives right into serious rants on communism versus capitalism and the wonderful characters that the reader just fell in love with are shoved to the wayside so some random university professor can lecture for the rest of the book about shit the reader doesn't care about. the contract there was broken. it's not that the content is *bad*. heck, it might even be a brilliant dissertation of the arguments for and against capitalism put into a nice format. no one would ever know though because it has no place in the romance novel it's forced into. neither section does the other justice, and the frustrated reader just tosses the book aside and just doesn't care to pick it up again. that's the contract with the reader. the reader's time and regard are valuable, so in exchange for that time and well-regard, the author tacitly agrees to abide by certain rules. their world will operate within a certain degree of reason. the story will stay at least somewhat consistent (it may get weird as hell, but if it's consistently weird then it's still being consistent!). characters will act like the character they're described as, not anything else (the gutsy, powerful sorceress won't randomly crumple and have her brain plunge into her vagina just because the "hero" man is banging her). etc, etc. not all of that's relevant to you, here, of course I just wanted to broach the subject because there are some things that you are doing that obviously break from the promise that you put forth at the start- that is, that this story is about 5 or 6 people in the Verdant Glade in Felwood. Eridvah(sp?) hit the nail on the head, I think, in their comment about the Wrathgate interlude in particular. the start of the story somewhat implies that all these people are dead- and that's one of the draws of reading it through journal entries. they may not (and I guess they aren't) dead at all, but having that tantalizing implication dispelled so randomly is kind of dissuading. do you know what I mean? it's kind of like "oh, now whatever happens they're all okay. the end." even though there's like, 50 chapters left! of course, I don't actually know all that, and the road to get there might be pretty interesting, but I just wanted to kind of reiterate what Eridvah(sp?) mentioned, and maybe clarify a little. but mostly, I think the one that you, as the author, absolutely must do- like, essential super important ultra "do this" requirement- is take a step back every once in a while and read through the chapters as they're posted on the site. put all thoughts of what *you* know about the characters out of your mind. clear your head of all past, present, and future knowledge, and read *just* the words of your story, taking only what's written on the page and nothing more, and then see how the story reads as it is now. how the chapters flow, who do you connect with the most as a noob reader, all that jazz. what HASN'T come across, what do your readers have no reason to suspect, all that stuff too. it's super, ultra ultra important. I mean, for me, one question I always, always ask myself is "why do the readers care to read this?" or "why should they care about this character?" I mean, *I* kinda care about my characters, but why should anyone else? I don't really want to get into specifics without you rereading everything as one solid whole first because I don't want to influence your opinion or what kinds of things you should be asking yourself as you read, but I do want to be absolutely clear, so I'll use one example: for instance, Theranil. he's not even at the glade. the interlude with him is a strong scene, but is that really the right place for it? introduced before he's even been put in context of the current characters? I mean, how does he come across to the reader? why should the reader care, at all? why should the reader feel sad? sure, it's a sad scene, but why should the reader *feel* sad about it? why should they feel sad, versus just thinking he's a pathetic clown who just wasn't strong enough to disobey in this one instance? or why should they read it, when what they signed up for is reading about the dudes in the Verdant Glade? perhaps the best question though, is "why *here*?" what purpose does having the interlude here serve, as opposed to, say, introduced when Varen psychically plunges into Theranil's mind and brings it back to the elf's memory? or if Bron or Thrum call up the spirit of the elf ranger and she confronts him with everything he's willfully forgotten? haha, I could go on forever with other potentials. the basic point, though, is simply "why here, why now, what purpose does this serve?" and, like, fer sure dude, I'm not saying the story has to be an open book, or a linear path! shit naw man! that's not what writing's about! if you can trick the reader into opening a romantic comedy that's really one massive allegory to communism, then holy fuck, power to ya! what happens in that case though is that the two parts actively *support* each other. if the path from Felwood to Icecrown was totally logical and it's teased out through an appropraite amount of chapters, then shit yeah! go to Icecrown! but if the path is just random and interspersed with irrelevant data, then, really, ask yourself "why does the reader want to read this" and "why should they read this now." anyways. I'm not laying any judgement or trying to dissuade you from any route you've decided to take. I just think the one thing you should do right now is just clear your mind of all foreknowledge and intention, and just go back and read chapters 1-35 in one continuous block on the site itself

just 'cause it's cliche hardly means it's bad. cliches are popular for a reason. personally I heart subtle twists to them far, far more than people just being like mwah, night elf druid, so cliche, my druid's a fucking dwarf or something equally retarded. hah! it's hardly anything bad to rewrite. I often go back and just rewrite entire chapters after I've posted them. most of the time I consider the first post to be nothing more than a first draft, and sometimes it's only after reading it on the AFF page that I actually realize where it could use work. a connection between Daeron and moonlight could be made almost more obvious if you just change the mechanic. all druids cast moonfire-crap spells right? it's hardly anything different for him to use them. if you have his fur glitter when he hits a patch of moonlight, or he can (more or less) teleport/bounce around from patch to patch or something different, etc, then the connection is a LOT more clear, you know? because it's different enough to take note of. obviously nothing game-breaking, but it should be easy enough to combine his kitty form with some good mooney abilities/tricks or something. hah, I got that Varen is unaware of the shadow-side of being a priest. I meant more that he doesn't have conscious access to shadow-CC so one could hardly expect him to fear the mobs off him. none of that incompetence came through though, if that's what you were trying to get at there. Aero seems super capable, but for the most part it's just kind of random, because even he is just flat-tackled by the felpuppy, when something like being suddenly spell-locked and then tackled, or getting his shield eaten by one while the other attacks is more appropriate, you know? whereas Varen and Daeron just kind attack shit and get attacked randomly, and there's no real clear skill difference. haha, I'm probably just expounding on something you already know though, so I'll shut up. oh and the scene itself is passing tolerable, I mean, not awful or unreadable. my comments were just things to think about if you want to make it better, that's all.

I should probably add some more to my review! so yeah. that interlude eh? how 'bout that? waaaaas it a GHOSTWOLF?? haha, what throughs it off is the hands and feet comment. and the shield. at first I thought it was going to be a worgen even! but then I remembered that worgen can't be shaman so I was all like hmm. I've been wondering what the new shaman would be too. I figured orc, as that's the most typical archetype and really kinda what's missing from this story so far, but a troll wouldn't be out of place, and hey you could pull sometihng outta thin air and do a goblin or a dwarf on me so I really have no clue! oh, and a tauren I suppose, but you already have a tauren so it'd be all redundant and stuff. anywho. my comments on the deterioration were just suggestions to make a lttle of what you're getting at more clear, perhaps, since you're interested in that and wanted feedback. I personally never assume the writer is trying to do anything at all so I never really look for that unless it's with clear examples in the writing itself. those were just some examples that would catch me, personally, so make of that what you will! in terms of the action, it felt... hmm, kind of all over the place. what I think a lot of writers fail to do (particularly ones writing spellcasters) is forget that melee ALWAYS trumps mages in close combat. I can't tell you how often I've read some otherwise alright book just fall apart when it comes to a battle, where- for some reason- the footmen stand around with their swords drawn, waiting for a spellcaster to chant a 20-30 second spell instead of just throwing their sword at the dude and interrupting/slowing it altogether. specifically, they fail to consider that ALL members of hte battle have minds focused on self-preservation. in your case specifically, you have three casters versus a bunch of casters and a handful of melee. caster-versus-caster is the easiest to write, honestly, becuase you can just do whatever the fuck you want, but in caster versus melee, the charging melee must be kept away from the body in some way, shape, or form. this means, however, that the caster cannot cast when they're kiting. so in your case, the fight kind of stutters, especially with Daeren. what he does during the battle is constantly dodge, right? at the same time he casts? this seems counter to his primary preference (that being his kitty form) for one, and for two his kitty would be much better for melee in the first place. it's the same with Varen- you write him as someone would play in the literal games, that is, aggroing a bunch of mobs and then just standing there while he's hit with a mace over and over. heh, there's kind of a break in reality, you know? a much more appropriate way might be to emphasize either Daeron or Varen handling holding back the melee from one or the other (or both, of course). Daeren does have entangling roots and kitty stuns, and it seems like Varen has zero shadow spells, but at least would have desperate prayer/shields/renews, etc, so he could be the melee tank while Daeren moonfires all the casters or something. anyways, my point is that even if you want to emphasize them not being able to work as a team or something, they still need to act like the mobs charging them are equally intelligent, capable creatures. a priest constantly healing himself when you stab him in the stomach is a nuiscance, but once you smack him in the head with a mace that stops, ya know? or, going back to the not working as a team, they have to be able to work to protect themselves (if that means just running away, LoSing the casters, etc) then so be it. it just gets wonky when a writer says something like "6 men ran up with swords and stabbed at the mage who dodged all of them and then tossed an ice bolt that totally killed them all" when really, it's pretty hard to dodge six swords coming from at LEAST a half-circle direction. so yeah. just commenting on that. if you want to hear it. if not, sera sera

hah, it's all good. I totally forgot it was even up. so few people even go to or use these forums that I thought it'd be safe till I actually finished the story

argh, what the shit?? half my review got cut off, AGAIN. anyways, after saying that I love Felwood, I went on to say that I like Daeron the most, in part because he's angry and seems proactive and strong, but also because he seems like he's the most active and the one who's trying the hardest to work towards a true goal, which is the meat and potatoes of a hearty story stew! so right now he has some unfair advantages over the others, but still (plus I like night elves, if you didn't know ). Bron I think I could and still do really, really like (almost the most) but he just hasn't had enough show-time. Aero's definitely the most entertaining though, lawlz, his incessent quips and gangsta attitude are bomb. it's not really the sex that does it for in his chapters (though this latest one with Bron really did make me sit up in my chair and take interest!) but more how indomitable his will is. I like strong characters that are self-assured and do not break at the drop of a hat (unlike most of what you see, you know?). or something to that effect. I'm not sure, I don't really remember. anyways, I ended it by commenting that of the three, I am not at all attached to Vaerun, and that could be because of my natural aversion towards draenei, (so take what I say with a grain of salt), but also there's so little about *him* that it's hard to know where he fits in and what he feels and stuff. I mean, the three characters I think of when I think of this story are D-man, Bron, and Aero, and then I kind of am like "oooh yeah. and Vaerun." or something to THAT effect. I don't really remember that part either. you should toss in some "pimp" and "baller" remarks around Aero's name, oh! I also remember commenting that I love his quips and the scathing, over the top way he looks down on everybody. but mostly, it was those lines about Vaerun. just to let you know how he's come across- to me- so far.

hee, neat! I didn't know anyone else ever checked the forums. anyways, I wanted to add to my latest review, but didn't feel it was worth taking up another one. I feel I should clarify how I feel about Vaerun- obviously he hasn't had much air time yet, but, also, not nearly so much of his personality, or even who and what he is shows through in his writing, unlike the other three. I mean, he's like a priest I guess, but what does that mean for a race that worships floating windchimes? what has some of his other history been? and then, this probably really is just me, but I always picture draenei as that dumb hypermasculine, super-PUMPED body type (lawlz, and when they run they look like a fat man trying to get to the bathroom XD). is he built like that? and exactly what type of "innocence" does he have? is it the Sunchaser boy's boyish charm, or is it a much more altogether "wholesomeness"? I dunno, I just can't really get a feel for him. if he's devout or not, his power level, etc. as yet, he really kind of pales in comparison to the other three (not that that's a bad thing, mind. I'm just saying, is all). yeah, just so you know. for future reference, in case you were curious oh, and yes, I realized I totally forgot to mention that the Alliance accepting BIG BLUE DEMONS into their ranks should be a MAJOR REASON the blood elves left in the first place! haha, LOVE that you're playing Aero with what he'd actually assume! such mad props. mad, mad props.

holy fuck! you weren't supposed to read this! no one was! at least, not until I finished and posted the final chapter! aaargh! curses, curses! I've foiled myself again!

heh, yeah, I mean, you'd think that if they actually cared about spreading the author's story they'd either make an account in the Author's original name and post it, or else mark the thing up with contact links and big signs about how to find the original person and, and... and... heh, I really don't get it at all. it's just like... why?

Not totally sure where this falls. Author named Glorianna posted this story in WoW Games section, but says it's not theirs, so.... yeah. Dunno what's up.

kk understood

Yeah. I can see that it was moved, but where to? The links and searches all direct me to the broken thread link page, so... yeah. And if I can't post it here, where do I?