MorbidFantasy
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Posts posted by MorbidFantasy
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16 hours ago, Valet said:
It’s all about psychology and all psychology is about authenticity. Very simple, bro
How very Westworld of you, lol #fidelity.
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The fuck is this thread turning into lol, let’s not bring the horrors of the real world into this and just enjoy the vicarious horrors of fiction space, plox. Besides, even reality can be stranger than fiction, so who’s to say that a character left turn won’t make sense on some level?
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I will say the thing I like the most about Pride and Politics thus far is the comparatively beefier salvation arc. Reins of the Tomb Raider was and is a good read, but Sam/Himiko’s literal Deus Ex Machina kinda dictated a truncated ending.
As always, the choice of the MC’s dressage is impeccable. Loved the pony-girl in Reins, and the bird getup here is a nice lore reference to Samus’s origins. -
Damnit lol I actually meant 8pm. Originally I had 2200 hours and 10pm but changed it down to 8pm but didn’t edit the description properly. This is what happens when the chapter is written at 3am on the last legs of coffee. Will be fixed promptly.
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Chapter 44-46 “The Arab Prince #2-4” is up, here are the comments.
In the new updates, I definitely borrowed a lot of ideas from HunterOpera’s Reins of the Tomb Raider fic. The use of Lara’s title of “Duchess” as a pet name, the cavity search, and the pony tail, although I did have a kitten tail in a much earlier chapter (which was posted ages ago)
I haven’t written it yet, but the introduction of the tail might be leading up to some sort of pony-girl scenario, let me know if if you guys would like to see something like that.
A long time ago, I had posted rough drafts for “The Arab Prince” which included a scene with Lara and Prince Adil of house Saud. That scene is still relevant to the current narrative, and will take place sometime after Lara arrives at Samir’s summer palace.
Adil’s bio as detailed in an earlier post in this thread is still the same. He’s Samir’s nephew, and is more morally upright than most of the male characters in this story (although I’m not going to make him a hero or a saint)
Let me know what scenes you guys would like to see Samir impose on Lara. I have two chapters in the pipe being worked on to complete the sea voyage part of this arc, to lead into Lara’s second week in Trellick’s service.
Cheers.
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On 7/19/2018 at 4:08 PM, Guest Just a foreigner said:
first please forget my typo~this new update took me days to finish reading it
about chap.42~did they just put it in her from under then gather it in a bucket and put it back in her through her mouth!!??that was some strong taste…can`t say i enjoy it much but it sure is a scene in it`s own...
about chap.43~ah so much hentai anime feels to it.seems like Lara has some sort of Stockholm syndrome in develop(me likey)...
my feel to the new update~nobody will cherish a rental car even if it was a rari or lambo...don`t you think there are way too many cocks involved in this story?
we love to see Lara(the TOMB RAIDER character) in distress not just a random girl who got blackmailed into a sexslave…
great writing as always and i`m looking forward for next update
Chap.42
There’s a hidden element of the supernatural in this chapter that I revealed in chap44, where it is shown that sources of the blue energy have the ability to alter people’s behavior. Also, 44 reveals that Natla’s consciousness is having some control over the blue energy, and may actually be trying to accomplish something using Lara. It’s kinda of like how Hanson and Lara only spent less than a hour total over 3 days inside the temple but somehow he hallucinated fucking Lara, marrying her, and taking over her life and professional prestige. Basically, the blue energy can influence people into action, but can cause some people to trap themselves in an imagined reality, while physically becoming enthralled to the blue energy. I’ll try to be clear in the writing what scenes are being imagined and what scenes are in the real world.Chapt43
I’ve been trying to take Gordo in this netorare direction as a character (in this instance, the netorare partner Lara is being stolen away from is her figurative marriage to her archaeological profession). Because there’s more erotic value to having new men torment Lara in new ways, I’ve decided to dial back Gordo’s BDSM role for now.You’re completely right about the number of cocks. After a while the number looks meaningless, although I promise there’s some meaning to it.. I tend to bounce around between M/F and Multi/F chapter to chapter just to change things up. Currently, I’m trying to set a tempo of more scenes with Lara and only a few people punctuated by occasional spikes in participants. Some of Lara’s masters will have very little sexual interest in her, instead using her to further their own aims. Trellick is one example of this.
Yeah, in the coming chapters I’m going to try to put Lara in situations where she can flex her professional skills.
Thanks for the feedback, it’s good for me to have a gauge on what story elements appeal to readers.
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Chapter 44: Ohk Eshivar is up
I actually got the idea for this chapter from a much earlier draft for the Dig chapters (Hanson’s arc with Lara inside the temple)
The “philosopher stone” is still very much its own entity, but is connected/related to the blue eitr from Tomb Raider: Legend’s plot.
However, Natla’s consciousness has somehow merged with the blue energy, now sharing space with the stone and altering its directives. The opening scene of 44 is taken from the dialogue from “Lara’s Shadow” DLC.
This chapter was the solution to some of the writers block I’ve been suffering from which was how to tie everything together cohesively without accidentally writing in a bunch of conflicting backstory.
The Arab Prince arc is about to commence, so this chapter serves to introduce or mention some of its players:
Trellick, nicknamed “Mr. Interpol” by Lara, recognized her by name but not by face in their first meeting.
Damian, ex-pat from Texas, works for Trellick in his illegal arms business.
Takashi “The Otaku” Takamoto- This character I had a lot of fun planning because it helps with the revelation that Gordo is a big fat liar, and half the stuff that comes out of his mouth is make belief. The call back to McGee “KingMcGee” from the chapters I wrote 10 years ago was also fun to include. In case some of you missed it, Takashi was one of the prison “guards”, and the baton he used to violate Lara in the prison arc is the same baton crafted from the Shogo’s broken staff.
Shogo Takamoto- play TR: Legend for his bio or watch the cutscenes on youtube. His backstory is the same except here he didn’t die and he’s Takashi’s father.
Prince Samir- mentioned in this chapter which will tie into his appearance in the chapters to come.
Chapter 45: The Arabic Prince #1: False Flag Operation is up
I really enjoyed fleshing out Trellick and Damian, and will be filling in their backstory as we go along. Kitty and Anika also get small speaking roles.
Gordo is spending this chapter hanging out with his coworkers Takashi and Vladim, butting heads but maybe sharing ideas.
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14 hours ago, Guest Sazbi said:
Where’s the remastered version of Reins? What are the big differences?
It’s on Amazon Kindle. There’s a few more scenes, and some plot details have been changed.
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1 hour ago, HunterOpera said:
Regarding Pride and Politics, GoldGoth said:
I'm writing this review just to say people into this kind of stuff really scare me. I'm with one of the previous reviewers, Samus would not be broken. The only reason something like this could happen to her is because she allows it, so I really hope for a happy ending. This woman has been through enough.
It’s okay to find this scary and the people that are into it likewise.
Fantasies of rape falls into the same category as every other dark fantasy. I can watch John Wick and be enthralled by the gunplay but that wouldn’t make me walk into a nighclub and start shooting at the security. I write non-con rather frequently but never have I actually raped anyone. This is about relegating the immoral thoughts to fantasies so that we can behave morally in real life. Thought does not equal crime.
As to this fic’s fidelity to Samus’s canonical personality (been watching Westworld, have I), the Metroid writers regularly play hopscotch with Samus being a badass or her being every feminine game character cliche, so I think we have a lot of leeway here.
Good to see you back Hunter, I liked the changes you made in the remastered version of Reins.
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Chaper 43: Assignment Two: Maritime Interlude is up
And oh my word the number of typos and editing snafus that I found immediately after posting. I think I’ve cleaned most of it up.
Listening to a text to speech rendition of the chapter was very helpful with the typos.
SpoilerThere’s a little bit of meta shifting of blame here, as I’m basically blaming Xavier for my decision to write an over the top cum dump chapter. This chapter was meant to contextualize Chapter 42, and I hope you guys could follow along with my pacing.
Chapters 44-46 should be the Arab Prince arc. Fingers crossed while I make some hot coffee.
I know I had introduced a new character called Anika in an old Arab Prince draft that I’m no longer sharing in this thread.
In that draft, it was Anika that was supposed to star in chapter 42 as the one who breaks Lara down. Needless to say, Chapter 42 ended up being very Xavier-centric instead.
Anika is still in the story, but I’ve decided to put her in the background for now for narrative brevity. Hopefully her character will get some better scenes in the future.
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I apologize for coming off as disingenuous back in December when I said “I’m back”.
When I said that, I really did have a draft that was 80% finished.
Needless to say, that particular draft never resolved itself, so this is me saying “I’m back” officially.Chapter 42: Last Week In Peru is up, spoilerish comments to follow
SpoilerA while ago I posted a draft for the “Arab Prince” arc that was to follow Lara’s next journey after Peru. That arc has since been revised a few times. One of the reasons for several scrapped drafts for the Peru Finale was connectivity issues with the Arab arc as well as the Siberian/Tokyo arcs that were to follow.
I won’t promise that I’m on a roll now, but with any luck I’ll be able to hammer out the remaining plot problems with the entire Arab arc and get 4-5 chapters out as soon as possible. My chief problems right now is remembering which drafts I had wanted to keep, and which plot details needed to be included or possibly retconned for continuity.Although this chapter did not include anything regarding the philosopher’s stone or the blue energy from Hanson and Mark arcs, there’s a subtle implication that the chapter’s progression was not entirely a product of human planning. Certainly towards the end when it seems like I was just doubling down on the “cum dumpster” concept, there’s a somewhat legit reason why I ended things the way it did, with Lara having a 5 gallon dispenser of cum to look forward to. How much of that she ultimately drinks I leave up to the reader’s imagination.
The jump from [Time to departure: Day 2] to [Time to departure: Day 0] was not a typo. It was a narrative acceleration of the passage of time (for the readers, not for Lara, poor girl)
In addition to the normal feedback, I’m open to suggestions or predictions (the two aren’t mutually exclusive) regarding what happens next. At least three times in the writing of FMC, I’ve went back to the drawing board after discussions with a reviewer or after having read the works of some of my favorite authors on AFF. Smut writing really is about finding the balance between what turns me and the readers on and how far I can twist things before the logic fails.
Looking forward to any input. I get that its’ been ages since the last update, but I still get the occasional email asking if I’m alive or writing, so here’s me shouting out to the support.
From Extraction on June 26, 2018
ok this is trashWelp, that took no time at all lol.
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I’m back.
Been writing sporadically. There’s quite a bit of text in the graveyard right now. The problem of updating this fic over several years is the inevitable continuity issues that crop up. Some of them are easily soft ret-conned, but others directly impact the final arcs of what I had imagined.
The Arab Prince arc will still be up next, but there will be a fair bit of tweaking to it.
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Just got back on AFF, caught up with Pride an Politics.
Liked mostly everything about it. Made me remember (and revisit) your graphics on deviantart. It’s interesting the tweaks to the physical narrative when comparing the written work to the deviantart modeling.
My favorite chapter out of your breadth of work is by far “Duchess Dressage”. That’s a chapter that I keep coming back to for the vivid step by step illustration.A fairly minor detail that bugged me is the missing description of a catheter appendage in the vaginal dildos. Anatomically it would make more sense to include that detail especially since your subjects (Lara during crate transport, Samus in PnP) seem to have had the choice of when to urinate taken away from them.
As to what I’ve been up to regarding my Fat Man fic, There were several false starts over the past year+ where I wrote experimental arcs that I wasn’t happy with. I think I know what I want to do with the Arab Prince arc now. The irony is the ending 3 location arcs are so locked in stone that it actually affected what I could introduce or build in previous chapters without ending up with a bunch of loose ends.
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Oh dang I remember your story. It was on my list of recommended stories from way back, probably pre 2010.
http://members.adult-fanfiction.org/profile.php?no=1296792926
That profile has seen little changer since 2008 hahaha.Were there any significant plot changes or edits in this version that I didn’t know about in the original AFF fic?
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On 8/30/2016 at 1:08 PM, HunterOpera said:
Regarding The Bergman Affair, Newenglandee said:
This is such bullshit, what's happened to Samus. Plain and simple. It's not hot, it's cruel. Depressing. UGLY.
Well at least he seems invested in the story lol, obviously invested on an emotional level.
Job well done I say. -
Other than that, how was the chapter? Your comments will directly impact some of the details in the follow up chapters.
No need for sycophancy. If you liked it no need to post. If you hated it, tell me why and where you'd like it changed.
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Quick reply to the comments received.
Xavier has a minor appearance in an later arc and yes there will be resolution.
It wouldn't be past Everest to do such a thing, killing or making Lara kill someone. To say more would be spoiling it
As with Xavier, me not mentioning Hanson or including them at the moment does not mean I'm ignoring them. It just means their characters haven't exhausted all of their appearances.
Anika was is the second girl with kitty. She was attending to mark Tremaine in the bath. Small appearance, but her role will increase. In fact you'll see plenty of her in chapter 2 of Arab prince.
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https://docs.google.com/document/d/1zxT_5f4dpWLJ84hHATl4G57ShSH_JzjUi9KnyeER_tg/edit?usp=sharing
This is the current draft for Chapter 1 of "The Arab Prince". Comments are welcome.
4000 words is a little lengthy but there aren't many places to trim at this point.
I'm working on its companion chapter and both will be posted at the same time.Chapter's 3 and 4 have also had work done on them but right now I'm finalizing 2.
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Here are some spoilers regarding characters in "The Arabic Prince"
Trellick is trying to unseat Adil as the successor to their father's governorship. He is allied with his uncle Samir in this regard. Trellick owns the palace like resort in which Lara is spending her time.
Adil will not only be a potential sexual partner to Lara, but will also be an ally. However, I do not intend for him to white knight Lara's way out of her current predicament. Instead, he will have his own goals, having been pulled into Lara's world by his half brother Trellick. By some standards, Adil can be considered man that believes in justice and morality, and is considered a social progressive in the Saudi world. That being said, he's not above using underhanded tactics to achieve his goals.
The intention is that Lara will have a very mixed bag of interactions with Adil, to avoid too many stereotypical white knight plot points.
Ablah, unlike typical girls in the Islamic world, has had the privilege of a Western education and relative freedom to do as she pleases, due in part to her brother's efforts. She will have some very intimate interactions with Lara, some of which might even be consensual.
Samir is the disgraced brother of Trellick, Adil and Ablah's father. Unable to ever stand office because he offended the wrong people, he nonetheless commands a degree of power and wealth, and has settled for supporting Trellick in his power bid against his other nephew Adil.
Unsurprisingly, the Nubians are the nicknames for a trio of large African men with equally large black dicks. Yes, I'm not above stereotypes in service of a good sex scene.
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I was reading through the older posts on this forum and I noticed something;
Whatever happened to the idea for “Contractually Indentured”- it was stated as serving as a repository for chapters that you felt fits into the FMC story universe but doesn’t fit into the main narrative. Eventually include extra sex scenes the author wrote that are only referred to in one or two sentences in the main piece. These stories may or may not occur at the same time as the main FMC story, and may even represent things that happen in the future.
You even gave spoilers for CI Chapter 1: Looking at three specific scenarios in the contract Lara signed that she must always be part of;
1/ Days working only as a sexual object: How much sex is required, and in what way does the contract's wording affect how Lara conducts her sexual services.
2/ Days working as an archaeologist/consultant: How Lara balances sex with real work, when can she work, and how much autonomy does she have regarding choosing work over sex.
3/ Days off: When can Lara have a little time to herself and how can she earn these free time.
You went on to state that in all three scenarios, the contract has been worded in a way that can be liberally "reinterpreted" by Lara's handlers in order to maximize their use of Lara against her will. It's also geared to give minuscule rewards for Lara's humiliating cooperation while levying heavy penalties for her using the contract's own words to her benefit (e.g. asking for time off, bargaining for various changes/rights, etc).
Your later claim that the first chapter would have been largely “kinky legal text and not too much plot” doesn’t bother me, in fact it only made me more interested since it makes the story more unique as most stories on this site are just sex scenes with minimal plot surrounding them.
I really hope this idea comes to fruition as it sounds fascinating and unique.
Big Announcement regarding FMC that will also answer this inquiry.
The first and foremost is that I've literally finalized every last major plot point in the fic, having multi paragraph summaries for every future chapter in this fic, including placement of sex scenes, participants, and reason for each scene. The fic is, in my mind, done. All that is left is to expand the paragraph summaries into actual chapters.
Many smutt ideas that I've floated around over the years of writing this fic, including the previously proposed "Contractually Indentured" will end up being posted as side story material in either the Philosopher's Stone fic or in a "FMC Side Stories" fic. Basically, there will be some sex in FMC that are glossed over with a single sentence hinting at their occurring, but since the scenes don't offer immediate information pertinent to story progression I've trimmed them from the main story and would fit them into the supplemental fics.
For those who doubt whether I am telling the truth regarding having fully planned this out, well, here are the basic set up for the last few arcs in FMC, as well as teasers for characters. The more detailed plot summaries I won't post here but will provide to anyone in exchange for their honest critique once they've read it. Email me and morbidfantasy12@gmail.com if you want google doc links to any of the following arcs
1. The Arab Prince (6 chapters planned):
Setting: Tropical beach side resort owned by Trellick
Characters:
Trellick, the adopted son of a Saudi Arabian Governor (in reality his bastard son)
Damian, a white South African human trafficker working for Trellick
Adil (English name Edison), half brother of Trellick, stands to inherit the governorship from his father
Ablah (English name Belladette), Adil's sister, 17 years of age.
Samir, brother to the Governor, uncle to Trellick and his half siblings.
The Nubians, a trio of male slaves commanded by Damian
Kitty, and one of her "sisters"
2. A Siberian Wasteland (6 chapters planned)
Setting: Frozen Tundra, multiplex prison camp owned by Serkov
Characters:
Serkov, industrialist billionaire who dabbles in human trafficking/slavery
Vladim, Serkov's right hand man
Vasily, Serkov's former employee turned prisoner, sex performer
Serkov's son, a frat boy, features in a written side story but not as part of main plot
3. The Gentlemen's Club (6 chapters planned)
Setting: formal event, night club, yakuza properties
Characters:
Shogo Takamoto, survivor of TRL, still a rising force within the Yakuza
Tanaka, his right hand man
Collins, introduced during an early FMC chapter, is a politically connected Brit in Japan
The Yakuza: refers to a group of underbosses serving the Oyabun
The Oyabun: the godfather of a major branch of the Yakuza
4. Detour in Europe and Saudi Arabia (2 Europe+3 Saudi chapters planned)
New characters: Harrison (will be introduced via a side story)
Returning Characters: all the Saudi governor's family (Samir, Adir, Ablah, Trellick, Damian, etc), Everest (making an appearance towards the end)
5. The Heat of the Desert (6 chapters planned)
Setting: Las Vegas
Characters:
Dr. Mark Willard, survivor of TR3, owner of the meteorite fragments
Royce, his right hand man
Everest
Gordo
6. The finale (chapter count and character inclusion confidential)
At this point some characters may no longer be involved, due to death or other factors, thus the inclusion or exclusion of characters in this final arc may in fact be too revealing.
At this point, I'm about 3000 words into The Arabic Prince, with about 1500 word summaries for the other arcs.
My next post will talk about some less organized thoughts I have regarding finishing FMC.
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Someone needs to take his adderall, lol.
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Legends is a wreck that's made worse by how well Flash handles time travel. I've had a lot of conversations on this one, picking apart the narrative - it's got a bunch of characters we like, but they don't actually do anything. It's an ensemble cast where nothing is accomplished, where nothing happens, and the character moments aren't enough to drive it home. It's pretty mostly and sometimes stumbles across interesting concepts and good performances, but I've not been impressed.
Really digging Banshee, and waiting for the final season of Person of Interest to start.
The suitcase seemed like a good idea - I needed to get Lara from one place to another without drawing attention to it, so I borrowed from you and insex. Did you ever see any of the stuff 49 did? There's one where they remove her from her apartment in a case like the one described, and then take her to the set and let her out.
What fics for Insex are you referring to? Links? Also I don't know what 49 is, so recommendations are in order I think.
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Well then, BOOBSWRITER, what does it say of your skills that if you multiply my James rant by ten... you have my opinion of your Alistair, and Zip?
Rob her blind just to get her to enslave her body; then, even after the fact they are now billionaires, use her to make them richer, all because. she's hot. AND treat her like crap. James had a tasid motivation. THEY were her trusted friends.
LOVE the writing, but they are scum.
Lol was this an attempted burn of boobswriter?
Listen, go back and read the fics in the TR section, then you'll see that overall there's been an uptick in quality in the recent postings. Most of the grievances you might have with plot elements are basically just mainstays in smut writing.
Not saying the premises of Zip and Alistair being evil is believable according to canon, but that doesn't mean we can't enjoy these "what if" scenarios.
Metroid - the Bergman Affair feedback, comments, and workshopping
in General
Posted
Well hello there, blast from the past!
How serendipitous that I decided to check my email after 2 years of neglect only to see some action happening in this thread. I recently started doing some reviewing and brainstorming for continuing FMC after having set it aside for a while due to irl stuff.
Any chance you’ll get around to continuing Pride and Politics?