InBrightestDay

From InBrightestDay on February 11, 2020
 
Well, we have some important world building here. Thank you
I like the idea of the forum where the gods meet, and that they only do so reluctantly.  I am interested in the exact nature of the Nine Divines. The Noble Nine. Nine Divines, Are Adala’s pantheon. She’s 1/9th. Their preeminence is the result of back breaking work and constant vigilance. Others tribes and pantheons view them range from staunch allies, to view them with envy, jealously to outright hatred. They’re not resting on their laurels. In the game of civilization. They’re winning and they’ve chosen not to hide that fact. The waypoints, way stations and roads they’ve encouraged mortals to build is simply too useful. The age of the wilds and the daunting wilderness is ending. Every road, every bridge, every junction, highway in some small way is an announcement of that fact. in a all roads lead to Rome sense. The fae will not go silently but they are going and they’re bleeding power,strength and numbers. Some are resigned, some are defiant but all know they had their apex, their age of supremacy within which they could even cow the gods. Not with a bang but a whisper. Unfortunately, for some they’re reaping the rewards of the ascendant gods. Who remember every insult they’ve been forced to accept. And the reckoning is not in the fae’s favor. 
Given the number of gods in Mortane, are they part of the nine, or are the nine only one small group of deities, the gods of order and civilization, who attend these councils, and the others don't participate? The noble nine are just one pantheon. The gods of order and civilization are the ones who tend to gather at the forum.  The gods of dark tend to be loners. Well at least until a pantheon or tribes likes them enough to adopt them into the fold. Kinda like how extroverts adopt introverts.
I love the imagery of the Mother of Angels wearing a galaxy as a dress; that's such a cool idea!  It's also nice seeing her affectionate attitude toward Adala, sort of similar to Adala's attitude toward Trias.  Similarly, I liked seeing the impact Trias's choice to worship Adala had on Adala herself; that it's flattering to her that Trias chose her out of all the deities she could have been a champion for. Imagine being chosen out of every human that exists. 7 billion people but out of those. You were the lucky one.
I'll admit I wasn't sure how big the Mother of Angels was supposed to be.  She produces the Angel of Death in the palm of her hand, which made me think she was huge, but then at the end she hugs Adara, which makes her seem roughly human size (or the same size as the other deities, anyway).  Granted, as a goddess, she could just shrink or grow as the situation requires. The Mother Of Angels is deliberately holding back. Those divine senses can only do so much. She towers over them not just in a physical sense but a metaphysical one as well. The galaxy dress is the only hint she’s giving. She’s measured in light-years at the least. In Theopolis, She’s the closest one comes to true omnipotence. Her power is such that it hobbles her more than it helps. She can’t visit mortal universes even with aspects they are profoundly beyond her reach. Lest every star simultaneously supernova, the universe ruptures and the nothingness dissolves everything in seconds. Total vacuum collapse. 
So she mostly wanders the multiversal cosmos tending and visiting her angelic children. It is draining to hold back so the angel of death eventually just does the talking/ambassador duties.
I feel like some of the stuff in here, like the weird moon, is a reference to the other stories in this universe, like Ghoulneedle and Winterfall, though as I haven't read those yet I can't be sure. Not required reading but there will be major spoilers for those in the coming chapters.
I am curious about the "thrown into a star" thing.  The wording was a little vague, so is that Adala has thrown local spirits into stars for breaking the rules, or that the Mother goddess has thrown younger deities into stars over that? Adala is being an unreliable narrator on purpose. It’s standard procedure to imprison nonmortal beings but deliberately imprisoning them in the heart of a star borders on inhumane. by the time the star dies in the billions of years that would take quite effectively removes them and their influence on the world permanently. Death is messy for nonmortals and lesser powers and can pave the way for their resurrection and greater power.  Imprisoning them somewhere where they’ve been rendered powerless is a much better deterrent. Adala doesn’t pull her punches. And really is sapient sacrifice worth billions of years of crushing pressure and excruciating heat while the only thing you can do is scream?
Next up, it looks like the gods of this setting are somewhat limited in what they can see, so Adala's going to need evidence to get the other eight deities to go to war.  That means she's going to need some help, and we'll find out about this new godling next time.  Looking forward to it!
The gods see the world most clearly where their influence is greatest. Where every sense radiates for miles around it tapers off into a blurry fog of war of indistinctness. They can see landmasses as a map but this sense can be blocked by hostile to unfriendly deities and lesser powers. Where foggy nothingness is shown instead. The  Mother Of Angels saved her from embarrassing herself. Going into the meeting riding high on emotions and little evidence.
She has evidence. What she’s looking for is the smoking gun. The factual proof that she needs so the other gods will be forced to listen. All it takes is a little guesswork but its out there.  That last place anyone would look.
The shrinking frontier or  the dead marshes before The Detestable Valley.

Another review of WitS Part Nine, this time from @InvidiaRed
Thanks!  Luzurial has spent most of the story interacting with Kevin, Abdul and Calista, and I wanted to have some interaction between her and the agents, and this little beat in the stairwell served both to do that and give us a brief check up on how Luzurial is feeling.
Thank you!  I was trying to think of magical traps that weren’t just “zaps you when you walk into it” type things, and I came up with two, one of which will come up in Part Ten, and the other of which was the fractal impalement trap.  The name comes from the fact that the secondary set of spikes emerge from the primary spikes at right angles, and then the tertiary spikes emerge from those at right angles, and the quaternaries from those and so on and so forth, a fractal pattern in other words.
Well, he’s doing a modified version of something he did in Whore of Heaven, not precisely harvesting faith, but sort of related.  You’ll see what he’s going for in the final chapter.
Hey, the cultist hit the LTV, and Gibbs hit the cultist, so while there were some misses, some shots were on target.   For the curious, as InvidiaRed has noticed, the Gungnir asynchronous coilgun is named after the spear wielded by Odin in Norse mythology.
Thanks again for the review!

It’s been far too long, but ladies and gentlemen, The Woman in the Statue is officially back!  Expect the tenth and final part in a couple more weeks, but for now, let’s get to the first review of Part Nine, from first time commenter but apparently long time reader Symbalistic.
Thank you so very much for the review!   It’s wonderful to know that you’ve been enjoying the story.  That means a lot to me as a writer, especially when it comes to a personal project like this one.  Hopefully the finale will be fun for you to read as well.

OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I FINALLY UPDATED!!!
*Ahem* I mean, Part Nine is up.
Due to length, the story has unfortunately ended up with ten parts, so we have one more to go after this.

Yep...this chapter is very much setting up the endgame. The heroes are proved to be the superior super hero team, but things are going to get bumpy since there are consequences to how they won the day in chapter 12.
I totally understand where you are coming from. I will comment more in the spoilers part of the review response.
Good that the scene worked like intended. I wanted Fang to show off here here so that the reader gets an impression of how potent her new powers are before they are really needed.
I made it ambiguous in the previous chapter to leave the reader with some uncertainty if the Thundercloud dumping Mernosh for Jennifer was fair of if he was doing something kind of shady. I also had plans for it to allow me to show Jennifer ‘s rather weird reaction to Thundercloud’s actions, but honestly I don’t think I quite succeeded there. Jennifer’s reactions are hard to write in a good way.
I agree, but I would argue Fang’s personality play a role here too.
A quite deliberate pun that is setting things up for surprising the reader when the horror of the chapter comes...

Educating the readers about what happened at the Bikini Atoll is also a worthy goal. Did you know they used 23 bombs there after moving the people away...insanely enough the inventor of bikini knew about this and deliberately chose the name since of bomb testing done there.
I actually have considered to write a follow up story when Hyper realize it was a fake pregnancy a couple of years later. Actually I think the false pregnancy spell is one of my most evil ideas ever...
Thank you for input. It makes me very glad since this was pretty much one of the core objectives when writing the story.
Thank you. It is an action sequence I am quite proud off.
Thank you. The best part of it IMO is that Megaburst does it partly by mistake. Gives some perspective on the bitterness of Firefly for not been given fair handling by the press and fellow “superheroes”.
I toyed with the idea of doing a full scene and even begun writing it at one point, but it looked like the page count would be huge with the full action scene included so I eventually went with the current news coverage of the final fight.
Something I actually have been considering to do is to break out chapter 9 and 10 into a separate stand alone story since these events kind of break the flow of the main story and instead add more heroes vs demon fight towards the end. Problem is just that this would leave the presence of Avalanche kind of hanging and her use of powers in chapter 11 would seem even more over the top for the reader.
Yep, it was all Avalanche’s doing. You might be interested to know that this was the scene that I added to story after your feedback about the shortcomings of the previous chapters. Originally the Megaburst sequence ended with Firefly getting his confession on tape and him quit being a superhero. Problem was just that this left this villain free to continue his abuse of females and go into being an official villain so it never felt quite satisfying. The added scene where Avalanche is proven to have learned to restrain her powers work great on giving Megaburst the ending he deserves.
I hope you don’t will not be disappointed.

Just starting a thread to be able to reply to any new reviews I get out there on my stories.  Currently this would just be the Caat World series, but there will be more to come.

Another review of WitS Part Nine, this time from @InvidiaRed
Thanks!  Luzurial has spent most of the story interacting with Kevin, Abdul and Calista, and I wanted to have some interaction between her and the agents, and this little beat in the stairwell served both to do that and give us a brief check up on how Luzurial is feeling.
Thank you!  I was trying to think of magical traps that weren’t just “zaps you when you walk into it” type things, and I came up with two, one of which will come up in Part Ten, and the other of which was the fractal impalement trap.  The name comes from the fact that the secondary set of spikes emerge from the primary spikes at right angles, and then the tertiary spikes emerge from those at right angles, and the quaternaries from those and so on and so forth, a fractal pattern in other words.
Well, he’s doing a modified version of something he did in Whore of Heaven, not precisely harvesting faith, but sort of related.  You’ll see what he’s going for in the final chapter.
Hey, the cultist hit the LTV, and Gibbs hit the cultist, so while there were some misses, some shots were on target.   For the curious, as InvidiaRed has noticed, the Gungnir asynchronous coilgun is named after the spear wielded by Odin in Norse mythology.
Thanks again for the review!

Oh my God that’s amazing!
I’d already read the chapter in question (the Lara Croft one) by the time I said that, so there wasn’t really any way to avoid it, but I appreciate the thought.  As for the copying thing, I don’t mean you were plagiarized, merely that a commissioned Deathstalker fic (a tie-in to the Gogedheh series, referenced several times in My Enemy’s Enemy) very much seems to have taken inspiration from that chapter, with several plot elements being reused and certain imagery as well.  The ending bit with Gogedheh, while not written precisely the same way, is nonetheless so similar to a bit with the Predator in that story that it was the exact moment I decided these two were linked.
Yeah, that’s...that’s the guy from the story I’m talking about.
Yeah, he counts her in the other stories, so I did too.
Yeah, that was a fun thought.
Don’t worry, I’m sure he’ll find a way to one-up her!
Yeah, I actually saw that a while back.  That’s a nice piece of work.

I guess if it comes on when I’m around I’ll look out for it. Always been a bit of a Lance fan. One of his lines in Near Dark was one of my all time faves for delivery:
Bartender: What you people want?
Jesse (Lance’s character): Just a couple more minutes of your time, about the same duration as the rest of your life.
But, you know, delivered by him.
Pretty sure if we held a vote there’d be a lot in favor of seeing your great take on Celtic pred Gotta wonder if ‘Chopper’ gets a different reason for the name in porn fics, mind.
As much as I enjoy and am entertained by your comic mock-indigation, if there’s a depression risk point feel free to skip any of it that might cause that and avoid risking it! I doubt anybody’s copied me, even sort of – more likely someone got inspired by whatever inspired me! – but although a couple people have reposted my stories under their names, most don’t stoop as low as my shit when there’s better authors to nick from.
Yeah, I saw that. I bet I did it intentionally too, but can’t recall now!
Rehte Gog – the civil war era cousin of Gog and Magog! I don’t even know if it counts as a pun since it’s more a drunkenly surred version of the phrase than proper wordplay
Inspired by his name, I remember DS came up with a Pred called Dehscrimung, but didn’t say what it was meant to read as initially – ‘Die Screaming’ he said later – so I asked if it was meant to be “Descry” and “Mung” meaning ‘to see a bean’ and asked “Does he only hunt characters with extreme camel toes?”
I bet even DS regrets having him take that non-executive directorship at Tesla.
Dang it! Not even the worst wrong word in my reply – that was writing “call” instead of “cool”. ‘the fuck do I become illiterate when writing forum posts? I mean, more so.
Hahaha!
Maybe she’s got a fetish for the dude from Shrek! We don’t know!
Well, maybe one day you’ll write a story where you need a dangerous hyper sexual psycho building from the pysche of a decent human and at the back of your mind Greensleeves will start playing… and she’ll have found you.
She’s got tall energy. Like, she’s shorter than me but I feel like if I was in the same room she’d feel taller.
Yay!
Read this after the Lara part:
I think I had the Terminator 2 quote for something in my original accidentally lost reply, and didn’t write the replacement quite the same so uh oops.
 
As for Samus vs Predator, Fanart’s got ya covered! (safe for work)
https://www.deviantart.com/ptimm/art/Samus-vs-Predator-1-564990285
https://www.deviantart.com/ptimm/art/Samus-vs-Predator-2-565128547
 
You’re also welcome!

@InBrightestDay looks at part 6!
Random note on this part – originally Sonya Blade was just described as a special forces soldier for MK publicity so she’s described as a soldier here. Later games made her a veteran Marine who wouldn’t be described as a soldier. Oh, and the user who got me to write Shokan Lust once started on an alternate follow on from this that crossed over with The Dresden Files and had the Queen of the Unseelie Court kill the driver and invite Sonya on a hunt…
Never got finished, but woulda been interesting to see!
No arguements here! Though having Charlie from Long Kiss Goodnight spot her shaodowing agent and beat him up was a high point for me.
Hollywood exec, snorting a huge line of coke: “Get roles for Nic Cage, Christopher Walken and Lady Gaga and you’ve got a movie!”
Jax is definitely a little bit out of character here. Just a smidge. Hey, the roughtest to read part in a Gogedheh story doesn’t even feature him! It’s the kooky chick from clueless doing the cruel shit! That’s kinda funny… no, just me then?
Thanks for plowing through it with your thoughts. I appreciate them and totally get why there isn’t any fun to be had here.

The first movie is, in my opinion, honestly a decent entry.  It’s not R-rated like both franchises and a lot of the characters are kind of bland (excepting Sanaa Lathan as protagonist Alexa Woods and Lance Henriksen as Charles Bishop Weyland), but it’s nonetheless got some pretty fun action scenes, well done creature effects and the third act is awesome.
Yes, Celtic employs plasma bagpipes that play Amazing Grace as they fire, and wields a telescoping shillelagh in close combat!  No, in all seriousness the three Yautja were given nicknames in the script, some of which made sense by the final film (Scar is the only one to kill a xenomorph and ritually scar himself with the mark of his clan, thus earning “blooded” status; Chopper has two long arm blades instead of the usual dual wristblades, so he can...you know...chop people up) but Celtic’s name seems to have been a reference to something that didn’t transition from script to finished film.  Maybe he was supposed to have Celtic-style weaving line patterns on his bio-helmet or armor or something, but the final design didn’t end up with those.
As for Gogedheh getting kicked in the crotch, kicks and blows to the crotch actually are a recurring element in the Deathstalker stories, having happened five times that I can recall, though only once to Gogedheh.
Something actually did, but it’s difficult to explain.  See, it wasn’t actually anything you wrote (let’s just say you might have been copied, sort of).  When the review of the chapter in question goes up I will either be comically mock-indignant with you or genuinely depressed, it’s hard to call.
You did actually call Alex a fallen angel, amusingly enough.
Oh God I didn’t realize it was a PUN!  I mean, it’s from the creator of Dreneparssa and Eparlegna, so I probably should have guessed.  Funnily enough, though, “Rehtegog” sounds like a pretty good demon name for one of your stories.
That carried over into Multiverse Trophies, where he does seem to be fending off guilt (or at least that’s how I read it).  As you say, as the requests went on any semblance of guilt vanished (once the character goes as far as he did in that second story, there’s really no coming back).
That’s weird biped tortoise, thank you very much!
It’s just so specific.
“Fourteen inches and vibrating, got it.  We got those modeled on humans and, for the kinkier, horses.”
“No!  Like, neither of those will work!  They need to be donkeys!”
“We don’t have those…  If you want donkeys specifically, I’m going to have to go to the farm and take measurements and photos and the farmer’s going to think I’m really weird...”
“This is totally important!”
“I mean okay...”
I kind of want to put Jane Maybelline into a fic now, but I don’t know if I have a place for her.
Yeah...uh...weirdos.  By the way, Uma Thurman is apparently seven inches taller than me.
Not that I find that attractive or anything!
It does indeed!  It was natural enough that I didn’t even notice it at first, not until I started to make the “your princess is in another castle” joke.
Maybe it was because the guy on the Pringles can looks vaguely like Mario?  I mean, not exactly, but...he’s got a mustache.
He’s killed three of those now, by the way, and his apprentice is killing her way up to a fourth.
 
Don’t know what “are we learning yet” meant, but yeah, she did, and that is the best she has ever done against a Predator.  Fun fact, there are literally no stories I can find on the internet where Samus fights a Predator other than the ones by Deathstalker, so that only ends one way...so far (I may have unintentionally caused a thing to happen; fingers freaking crossed that it doesn’t go horribly).
Oh, and…
You’re welcome!

...I just spent ages writing this reply and then lost it thanks to accidentally closing the tab. Take two, everyone to position and action!
Thank you @InBrightestDay for reading and reviewing parts 4 and 5 of this story! I genuinely appreciate the heck out of your taking this time to go through this mess.
Whoohoo! Always awesome making folks laugh! Imagine being the poor bastard who has to make those dildo moulds. You’re having a quiet day and suddenly a crazy government type has a special order.
The agent’s a very sick woman. She wasn’t born with it, it was maybelline. Jane Maybelline, Black Ops brainwashing specialist and folk musician.
Pray you never hear her mandolin.
Sometimes fanfic can’t help but be in character, and that guy is straight up a rapist!
Who else but Quagmire?
Hey, any comments are good! Always great to get feedback and like I say it’s cool you found stuff to laugh over! At some point someone’ll look at this and go “Concrete doesn’t work that way” and “chemical burns, severe fuckin’ chemical burns” maybe.
I dunno if this was especially meant to be hot, being so short, or just introducing the agent and her twisted ways. Wasn’t Tricia in the original either!
Finding out she was pregnant was her motivation for leaving Bill, leading to the massacre and her coma. She finds out her daughter survived – presumably c-section – and left with her at the end of the second film. I like to think they had a long/happy life and that other options such as Vernita’s daughter taking revenge, or BB secretly being really angry that her Mom, who had been in a coma all her life, came and killed her Dad, and takes her own revenge…
That was the post credits stinger. I kid, I kid! but I think of anyone could take a Pred out, she could, and although his targets were a bit limied by the selection of badasses needing to all be in roughly the same geographic location – no multiverse hopping for this slaughter bunny!- it I think I probably thought at least one of them would likely have encountered a Pred in this universe where they’re hunting on Earth, and must have selected her for it. I’d forgotten that was even in there until re-reading it!
I’m trying to remember if giving them the surname Toscano had any reference to anything. It’s got a definite echo of a minor Preacher comic character, but his name was Toscani. Then again, Toscano does mean Tuscany… eh, I dunno.
I bet those mushrooms were well fed though.
Apparantly some folks find something inherantly call about tall blonde badasses kicking ass. Thank you especially for the compliment on the description! Glad it worked out. Can’t imagine being caught in the middle of that shitshow would have been any fun for the guards. Death above and below… but at least Kiddo was happy for ‘em to run away if they didn’t mess with her. Shame they messed with her really.
Hahaha, thanks! The story really earned that super mario brothers mention in the disclaimer at the start of part 1!
You know, blowing my own trumpet here but I think that anguished she was my peach! line really works. eh.
It’s probably not the first time some kiddo has got Peach killed. Like one playing a game. Super Mario Bros 2 on the NES I’m looking at you, you reskinned fuck. Yeah, sure, cut out the floating just above the deadly drop you piece a shit. Huh. 30 years and still some annoyance.
DS has much better taste in snack foods! I dunno where the fuck using that like that came from either. I mean, these guys are Italian-Americans. There wasn’t some Italian sausage around? Mario’s severed forearm?
Villain Sue traits! No wonder this got trashed on that fanfiction mockery forum. No, I think you’re absolutely right. I mean, by this stage in the story he’s taken down three bad asses and a load of mushroom kingdom private security and getting more and more full of himself – which presumably increased as he kept going after Laras.
It really isn’t the only time a tall blonde comes close to defeating him either- Samus sure did in that one of DS’s stories I mentioned to you that I think set you off down the DS fic rabbit hole! If it hadn’t been for the darned canonically impossible EMP…
“Are we learning yet?” Ahem.
Thank you once again for the reviews. Abolutely enjoyed the heck out of reading them, and that JAAAAYDEEEEE!!! bit had me laughing out loud!

Omnipotence paradox: “Could the rape deity jerk off hard enough to detach his own cock?”
Got a sticky pp eh?
Yeppers. It was all Phantom’s responsibility! Cher seemed like a good equally unlikely replacement.
Eparlegna: “Can’t it be both? It’s even more fun when I’m mad. Unless that wingless’s bitch’s meat dildo keeps making cracks about Lucifer being better.”
I never saw AVP! I didn’t know they had a celtic predator – does he have a kilt and carry bag pipes on his hunts?
Or maybe just didn’t want ‘em to get kicked to often! That could have been a funny running gag – he gets whalloped in the balls on every hunt, but the guy hasn’t got any outside!
I don’t mind describing balls – alla my futa fics have been the coin purse variety rather than the card slot, and in that one M/M/Transwoman fic I wrote everyone had balls.
Unless they’re gonna pull the CGI/LOTR hobbit route or forced perspective/standing on crates Tom Cruise route I guess the films were always gonna be limited by actual human actor height.
Yeah, you’re probably right! Still, if something does blindside ya… sorry ‘bout that
I really appreciate the reviews and the feedback discussion even all these years later, and now on to the part 3 review! Part 3, which has that Joey from Friends casting gag near the start, The angels were deep in conversation about Alex’s actor boyfriend, who Dylan was convinced was the lost twin of another actor she’d met and fucked in New York City.
Thanks again for the review! I think with the first chapter I was mostly getting a feel for the story and the big guy’s actions and it simply is the shortest/most basic of them as a result. Natalie does kick some ass there, but when he ankle’s done thats about it. I can totally see how it’s a little sadder than the last part. Might even be the saddest, if you discount Beatrix being a Mom or Sonya’s unrewarded dedication to duty.
So no SCAO oneshot? :p I mean, these are angels… I kid I kid!
Huh. Well. Huh. I mean, if you’ve got a scientific answer for it that makes the story fit in with the film then I pretty much have to accept it ‘cos you know science and the physics of these things! I’ve been telling folks how I fucked up that scene badly for years after that previous review (which may have been on hentai-foundry?) and now it turns out that the movie Predator had himself some conducting taking care of it! Hey, I feel better! Thank you!
Stealth hunting Predator doin’ some steal hunting! Hell, it probably is my way of describing the way the guy in the second movie spends a lot of time up top checking things out, waiting for Natalie to be on her own so the minimum number of non-warriors get in the way. This was his early “basically decent for a murderous rapist” days
I bet DS didn’t remember them here at all, and came up with it independently – must have been years since he glanced at the original story before writing the new one and shaped charges aren’t totally uncommon
Second point tho’ yeah, again early Gogedheh (‘Go Get Her’ at least isn’t a silly backwards name while still being terrible...) still having some delusions of conscience or morality. And maybe a smidge of remorse. Later on as the requests demanded it he becomes even harder and less capable of human empathy than that weird biped tutle who runs the Senate for the Republicans. From what I remember DS did a pretty good job of getting the continuity in his stories to work internally even with different request demands.
Thank you again! It’s really interesting to hear thoughts on the story and I’ve re-read part 2 myself to get it back in my mind and, yeah, not sure how many folks managed to get through this thing…

I may yet.  It’s hard to say, though, given how difficult Gogedheh’s actual strength is to pin down.
I mean, Deathstalker consistently misspells “scraping” and “scraped” as “scrapping” and “scrapped”.  Nobody’s perfect.
Oh yeah, I noticed that.  From my reaction post concerning Multiverse Trophies:
Now, I admittedly have not read Five Women. One Night., but looking at the chapter titles I get the idea.  A Yautja (Predator, for simplicity's sake, from here on out) arrives on Earth who specifically hunts women.  He tracks and kills five of them, Lara Croft, Beatrix Kiddo and Miho from Sin City among them.  I should be able to follow this without having any questions.

…

I don't know what the circumstances are precisely, but somewhere, somehow, JD is responsible for this.
So yeah, that answers that!
 
Funny you should mention Eparlegna.  Roundabout Becoming the Hunted (wherein Gogedheh wades through the cast of Mass Effect) he pretty much turns into Eparlegna.  Morally speaking, and in terms of what they do, they’re essentially the same guy at this point, the only difference being that Gogedheh does this stuff when he’s mad, while Eparlegna does it because it’s fun.
On the vocal mimicry, absolutely.  I don’t remember Predator 2 as well as I do the first film and Predators, but the City Hunter may have broken someone’s wrist in that.  Celtic does it in the first AVP film (a redshirt pulls a gun on him, so he grabs the guy’s wrist and very quickly snaps it).
You make a very good point concerning the height difference.  Just because the Yautja in the films all tend to be around the same height doesn’t mean there couldn’t be larger ones.  As for the internal testicles...maybe you didn’t want to have to describe his balls so you decided they were inside?
I appreciate that, though I don’t know if anything in here is going to do what the other stories did (Becoming the Hunted features a torture scene so long and detailed that I didn’t feel anything, emotionally speaking, for a good 15 minutes afterward, or as I put it to Deathstalker...), and there is, like, plenty of entertainment value!

Five Women. One Night. [AFF Edit Edition] 18584 hits and before the most recent reviews, 4 reviews! A story that at least partly inspired a series of sequels to be requested of the legendary author Deathstalker, a genius of the written word. This one, on the other hand is, uh, well, JayDee quality. Still, it seems that after reading DS’s epics one bold reviewer has waxed curious over the origin of the Villain Sue OC and let this curiousity overcome common sense. Hence,
Thank you for the reviews! I am genuinely appreciative and grateful to get some feedback on this ancient thing. I personally hope that having been through alla the stories you finally decide to do your own Samus vs Predator work, because that outline you had sounded really badass. I fear you will be hugely disappointed given that Deathstalker is a really good writer capable of infusing true emotion and characterization and I was even more of a talently hack over a decade ago.
For anybody else reading this and curious, this post over on the Great Wall promo’d the other site ref’d – http://www2.adult-fanfiction.org/forum/topic/20643-the-depravity-repository/?tab=comments#comment-226004
Or hers! This was the original request in case you’re curious and I’ve PM’d you the whole thread if you want to know more [/Starship Troopers]
Needless to say I went the fictional character rather than celebrity route. Well, mostly. There was on big exception that may now be explained. And the AFF edit edition cleared out the exception. So moving on before people remember I once did celeb stories.
god of rape? Well, there’s an idea for a story-  Gogedheh vs Eparlegna in the “Great British Raping Show”
“This one’s got a soggy bottom”
“Oh, lot of cream on those buns.”
“Tarts”
etc etc
No, but I guess if you’re gonna have a total villain sue effortlessly beating canon characters who, in many cases, would easily destroy him without a thought you might as well go full retard with it. Which is what I did. His descriptions sound like his Mom wrote them.
Hey, Clueless was an absolute classic film! Clueless vs Predator woulda been a better film than Prometheus.
Thanks again for this review.
Thanks! There’s actually a few little references like that tossed in to each chapter. I think my favorite – to the extent I can still remember it today! – is a one paragraph throwaway reference to The Long Kiss Goodnight in one of the chapters. I totally think Julia has the acting chops to do crimelord, but in another way that line is a little sweet – I mean, at least her character’s marriage worked out after Pretty Woman!
I think some of those traditions are totally from the films. Well, not the uterus one. But I could swear someone gets a wrist broken at least once, and the play back taunting is definitely a film trope. I guess it’s a thing in fanfiction to take the film stuff and use it in different, entirely perverse ways. Cool to think that DS got his own spin on ‘em later though. I guess it’s a little bit of ongoing characterisation – though I remember that with DS’s there had to be some character elasticity to fit in with the requester’s wishes. Such as his developing a desire to keep going after Lara Crofts like some kind of gotta catch ‘em all pokemon hunt.
I think I just wanted to go for something he could tug aside easily or possibly had a look at the film outfit and went for something close to that. Kind of a porn pouch thing. No doubt some unpleasant kicks and/or punches led to DS having him adopt the greater protection. Or possibly he looked at some metal codpieces and spent as much time laughing as you :D
Haha, yeah, maybe he was actually a bookish nice guy before he got gassed up! Then Hulk Hogan sent him some vitamins and BAM! BAM! SPLURT! or something.
Hey, you get variation of heights amongst humans, too! If one dude can be 5’4 and another can be 7’2 then having a Predator a foot or more bigger than the film one (Gotta get that Villain Sue bigger and better shit in there!) maybe isn’t so unlikely!
We’ll just assume he was wearing some platform shoes for this one, to extra intimidate his shortest target :D Or stood on a half-foot tall thing on the roof that Miho hadn’t seen so from her perspective he was 8 and a half… I dunno. Actually, it is entirely possible I have a different height later in the story. Continuity and me…
Thank you again! I didn’t remember he had internal testicals. I wonder if that detailed stayed in throughout or got quietly forgotten? I also wonder what the hell made me think of it. Ahh well, thanks for coming along for the ride with this thing. If you stick it out for the rest of the chapters I hope there isn’t anything that upsets you too bad (I mean, besides the quality of the writing) and that you’re able to find some entertainment value. Somewhere. Under a rock at the back of a scene, maybe.

Thank you so much for the recommendation!

From InBrightestDay on January 17, 2020
 
Well, considering the effect Immunda had on me, there was no way I wasn't going to swing by and review this!
You do an interesting thing here with regard to Adala's perception of Mortane, which is that we don't actually see any of it for quite some time, instead being told of the seeping foulness of the place purely on a spiritual level.  Only later, when Adala enters her fortress, do we get the visual detail of grass beginning to grow.  It's a cool way of hinting at the way the gods perceive the world, using senses we don't have.
Another cool thing is the disparity between Adala's attitude and what's happening to her "body", a nice way of showing that the aspect is disposable and more of a divinely crafted tool than anything else.
Recapping the violation from the goddess's point of view is quite effective, showing how upsetting it is for Adala, and yet how in spite of her need to defend the fortress, she still wants Trias to call for her help, still wants to help her.  And that description of the sun being replaced by the moon and then the sun again, implying that this went on for something like twelve hours...
Yeah, no wonder Adala wants to rally her fellow deities for war.
I am definitely on board for this, and will be checking up on it in the future!
 
You are too kind <3
Aspects are indeed tools. Think of it as the ability to isolate, refine and focus a specific part of a a person’s personality. Until, that facet of a person’s personality is the defining trait. Independent but also connected to the divine whole of that person. This is the reason why gods are not confined to a single place. destroying or imprisoning an aspect doesn’t affect a deity other than essentially break or confiscate a tool. Their task is their purpose and when that purpose is finished they return to the fold.
The other aspects of the deity doing other tasks will instantly know what happened and investigate. Any would be godslayer or would be jailer foolish enough to think it was that easy doesn’t survive the retaliation of the other aspects arriving. What one knows the god knows but not visa versa. So even if the slaying or imprisonment succeeds…. Well the deity in question undoubtedly knows who the perpetrator is. And if they decide to take offense and send an Avatar well… That world is so screwed. A nuke to take out an ant but hey they’re asking for it at that point.
A single aspect is still beyond mortal capabilities to take down. With only one known exception. The Lich King himself slew an aspect at the black gates of the Detestable Valley after a prolonged bloody war whose casualties includes flights of dragons, nations, artifacts of indescribable power and entire populations.
And this info makes Ghoulneedle much more interesting Haha. Spoilers =p But a hilarious thing of this. Is that treacherous deities all have one thing in common. They only have one aspect at a time otherwise. The aspects would be too busy backstabbing each-other rather than getting anything done. So they are limited in the same way lesser powers are except the destruction of an aspect doesn’t hobble them.
 
Adala empowers her Justicars. They’re more than mere mortals but while they may never be able to take on immortal servants of other deities they’re still a force to be reckoned with. They are the men and women who have taken Adala’s trials and tests and have been found worthy of her investment. She knows each and every single one as a doting mother to her favored child. Think of Knight/Samurai.
Only her demon saints rank higher than them. Spiritually they are her adopted children. They dispense justice as impartially as possible. The wicked hate them. The deceptive rightfully fear them. Adala was right there and its a torment far more insidious in the fact she was in a position where she could do nothing but witness it. Like an invader breaking into your house, locking you out and attacking your family. Just close enough to hear what is going down but too separated to do  anything else meaningful and yes Adala was forced to endure this witnessing for twelve hours. And to a god who is practically omnipotent in the mortal realm. Unable to do anything about it is like a constant heart stab. Mortane didn’t just torture Trias but her goddess at the same time.
To say Adala took it personally is an understatement.
And like all web of alliances every god is going to get pulled into the fray one way or another.  To put this in another way this event is just like  Archduke Ferdinand was just assassinated. The spiritual opening shot of a deific world war.

Thank you so much for the recommendation!

I support this recommendation! But be warned, That ending is ‘emotionally’ touching, not in the ‘Chris Hassen shows up to interview Lady Aldreda’ sense.

I’m insanely late in doing this, but I’d like to recommend “Moonlit Snow,” the story that @InBrightestDay wrote for the AFF Holiday Party. Lovely world-building (especially for a short story), action that’s not only great but historically accurate, and a really touching ending. 

Uh...yes!  That’s exactly what I meant.  They...play matchmaker for one another and then...go on a double date.  It’s definitely not something else.
And now onto JayDee’s review of Moonlit Snow!
Oh, shut up, you!
I’m genuinely curious, how did you expect the ending to go?
Thank you!  This is in large part thanks to you asking that very question.  I think (though I can’t remember precisely) you may have even offered me the idea that there were those who felt the prejudice, but had to be careful not to offend the church.  It was only while writing the bandit fight that I realized that Hopkin could serve as a representative of the less devout, who would just openly insult Lady Aldreda over her albinism, which brought up the idea that she can pretty well handle blunt insults like that, but that the more “polite” ones hurt worse because of how she just has to take them.
The tactical stuff was part of my research into medieval combat, which was where I got both Lady Aldreda’s swordplay moves and the knowledge that plate armor more or less makes you immune to a sword (unless it’s stabbed into the chain mail in the joints), but a mace is still dangerous.  As for the Serenity moment, I just loved the idea of it so there was no way it wasn’t making it into the story!
I didn’t end up settling on precisely why Hopkin and his bandits started doing this, but they’re definitely somewhat lower class people (hence Hopkin’s “m’lady” as opposed to “my lady”) and my vague idea was something like what you suggested, and a failed harvest seems the most likely thing.
Either that or his restaurant chain, IHOPkin, recently went under.
The whole “stealing due to hard times” thing is actually what’s behind Aldreda just letting Hopkin and Mack go.  She gets the impression from their amateur status that these men may be jerks, but they’re probably only doing this out of desperation, so she wants them to have a second chance.
On the “m’lady” thing, Elis is also originally from a lower class background (farm work), but he addresses Aldreda like that so much that when I wrote him saying it as “m’lady”, I kept imagining him donning a fedora.  I figure he may have picked up the more formal manner of saying it due to being around Lady Aldreda for the last three years.
Thank you!  That was another thing picked up through research.  Some of the videos I watched were analyzing Hollywood sword fights, and one of the most common things that came up is that movie choreographers love big wide swings because of how cool they look, but in actual combat that’s a bad idea for exactly the reason Lady Aldreda gives.  The videos called it “telegraphing”, but given the setting I obviously couldn’t use that term.
Yeah I was trying to come up with a word other than “fireworks” and I thought of how when several of them go off in a cluster they can almost look like bouquet of flowers.
That was exactly what I was going for.  Elis is kind of like the kid with a crush on his teacher, albeit because of her rescuing him she’s more than just a teacher, she’s his idol; his personal hero.  There is absolutely that desire on his part to grow up faster, to be the man he thinks she’ll want.  Which, of course, leads directly into…
That was another thing that came up in research, that there was this swordplay treatise where it was recommended to “end your opponent rightly” by throwing the pommel of the sword at them.  Every video I saw said this had to be a joke, so I had Lady Aldreda use it like that, and then decided to compound the joke by having it actually used to end the fight.
To an extent yes.  He’ll be a more proficient fighter and more adult, though I’d imagine he’ll still look up to Lady Aldreda.  That’s kind of a thing in my writing, I guess, where the woman is the man’s protector or teacher or mentor.  People seem to be enjoying it thus far, though, so hopefully it will continue to be fun to read.
I believe there’s a different thread for that.

Uh...yes!  That’s exactly what I meant.  They...play matchmaker for one another and then...go on a double date.  It’s definitely not something else.
And now onto JayDee’s review of Moonlit Snow!
Oh, shut up, you!
I’m genuinely curious, how did you expect the ending to go?
Thank you!  This is in large part thanks to you asking that very question.  I think (though I can’t remember precisely) you may have even offered me the idea that there were those who felt the prejudice, but had to be careful not to offend the church.  It was only while writing the bandit fight that I realized that Hopkin could serve as a representative of the less devout, who would just openly insult Lady Aldreda over her albinism, which brought up the idea that she can pretty well handle blunt insults like that, but that the more “polite” ones hurt worse because of how she just has to take them.
The tactical stuff was part of my research into medieval combat, which was where I got both Lady Aldreda’s swordplay moves and the knowledge that plate armor more or less makes you immune to a sword (unless it’s stabbed into the chain mail in the joints), but a mace is still dangerous.  As for the Serenity moment, I just loved the idea of it so there was no way it wasn’t making it into the story!
I didn’t end up settling on precisely why Hopkin and his bandits started doing this, but they’re definitely somewhat lower class people (hence Hopkin’s “m’lady” as opposed to “my lady”) and my vague idea was something like what you suggested, and a failed harvest seems the most likely thing.
Either that or his restaurant chain, IHOPkin, recently went under.
The whole “stealing due to hard times” thing is actually what’s behind Aldreda just letting Hopkin and Mack go.  She gets the impression from their amateur status that these men may be jerks, but they’re probably only doing this out of desperation, so she wants them to have a second chance.
On the “m’lady” thing, Elis is also originally from a lower class background (farm work), but he addresses Aldreda like that so much that when I wrote him saying it as “m’lady”, I kept imagining him donning a fedora.  I figure he may have picked up the more formal manner of saying it due to being around Lady Aldreda for the last three years.
Thank you!  That was another thing picked up through research.  Some of the videos I watched were analyzing Hollywood sword fights, and one of the most common things that came up is that movie choreographers love big wide swings because of how cool they look, but in actual combat that’s a bad idea for exactly the reason Lady Aldreda gives.  The videos called it “telegraphing”, but given the setting I obviously couldn’t use that term.
Yeah I was trying to come up with a word other than “fireworks” and I thought of how when several of them go off in a cluster they can almost look like bouquet of flowers.
That was exactly what I was going for.  Elis is kind of like the kid with a crush on his teacher, albeit because of her rescuing him she’s more than just a teacher, she’s his idol; his personal hero.  There is absolutely that desire on his part to grow up faster, to be the man he thinks she’ll want.  Which, of course, leads directly into…
That was another thing that came up in research, that there was this swordplay treatise where it was recommended to “end your opponent rightly” by throwing the pommel of the sword at them.  Every video I saw said this had to be a joke, so I had Lady Aldreda use it like that, and then decided to compound the joke by having it actually used to end the fight.
To an extent yes.  He’ll be a more proficient fighter and more adult, though I’d imagine he’ll still look up to Lady Aldreda.  That’s kind of a thing in my writing, I guess, where the woman is the man’s protector or teacher or mentor.  People seem to be enjoying it thus far, though, so hopefully it will continue to be fun to read.
I believe there’s a different thread for that.

I wrote some of my early fanfic attempts in pen pre-internet including a really terrible vampire story. No porn fics in them days for me! Don’t recall precisely now the first fanfic I read. Never looked at that sort of thing at school, but I first got on the internet at home in the late 90s. So, in terms of internet fanfic from others, I would have first read it either on a geocities fansite or one of the alt.fan newsgroups for me. I seem to recall alt.fan.pratchett was specifically against fan fiction being posted there, but not all of them were like that. Though many newsgroups were basically dying by that point it didn’t take long to find newsgroups with more dedicated FF content either. I had my own geocities fansite for a while with ther standard web ring links and and hit counters. They didn’t have a lot of space and the amount of page impressions allowed in an hour was tiny, but still good times… There was a long gone site called something like trekslash.ca which I am pretty sure was where I read a lot of really good Janeway/Torres femslash. One author was amazing and I can’t even recall their name. 
I found the early version of the Grey Archive in about 2000 and it was on there I first heard of AFF being set up a couple years later. If I am remembering right this was after the FF.net first big mature content purge. I lurked/anonymously reviewed on AFF and didn’t join with my original account here ‘til 2004.
Weird to think how much time has passed tbh.

I was a kid. It was like 1997 or 1998 and I was kinda exploring the internet for the first time. Found some websites for my favourite (at the time) TV show, Breaker High (A canadian high school drama) and lo and behold, one of the sites had fics on it! I didn’t know wtf fan fiction was, so I read those fics thinking they were like transcripts of episodes. I thought I had watched every episode there was so I was super excited that they didn’t sound familiar. 
And then they got dirty. That’s when I kinda realized that these ‘episodes’ did not uphold the Canadian Broadcast Co. standards. Then I realized if other people could write that shit, so the hell could I! With my newfound godly powers, I impregnated the whole cast of characters, because… well, because I could. 
Yup. 

No problem really...another obvious reference is by the way the scientist John Dalton that has given name to the dalton unit than in recent years have replaced the unified atomic mass unit.
I find it remarkable how you are able to plan out plenty of stories set in the same world that you intend to write later. Myself I might have plenty of stories in progress at any given time, but it is very rare that I have two stories planned/in progress for the same setting. I look forward to read your stories.