[Magusfang's Corner]

the only thank I would have different is the scene in Max's mind when he was separating from Nada (forgive me if I mixed up the girls). There could have been a whole lot done and in the end could have changed there personality in some way. this is just my opinion and I still can't wait for the next chapter.

P.S. we are bloodthirsty and crazy.

hmmm, we really don't know what hppened to them, no real stressers yet...

what happens when say a seaborne attack occurs?

[BashfulScribe's Written Works]

stabs him in the eye?

[Danse Macabre - An Original Vampire Story]

Mwahahahaha...just because

[BashfulScribe's Written Works]

I just think Adam would have flipped when Nicole and his three old tormentors were flirting, remember ho he was after the fight. But it could be a delayed bomb. I kust see him getting all teary and running away.

[Magusfang's Corner]

they just seemed a little flat, not bad but I might have gotten too mushy

But I like mushy sometimes, what can I say, I'm an old softy

[Magusfang's Corner]

I thought the same thing, 4, 5, and 6 seemed to be missing something and I'll be damned if I know what I did wrong...sigh. maybe the rest oll be good for me...

[Count To Infinity]

32570

[BashfulScribe's Written Works]

Yeah, don't give us too much time to think, nothing good ever comes from that

[Magusfang's Corner]

yep and lest we forget a seven or is she eight, gotta check that, a seven year ols that can wipe a fly's as with a bullet a thousand yards way

Oh, and the twins have new toys...

[clmustafic review reply and discussion]

el you gotta admit Beavus is a non traditional look...cute might be a stretch though

[BashfulScribe's Written Works]

jeez, stab someone in the eye and everyone gets all judgemental

[BashfulScribe's Written Works]

This forum got really weird, really quickly.

You are very welcome

And it wasn't really a criticism so much as an observation, I'm thinking kind of like Joe that it was a red flag but you put it there for a reason...so write faster, its killing me!

[BashfulScribe's Written Works]

you're a sick sick man...I like it

[clmustafic review reply and discussion]

< ----- Spence

[BashfulScribe's Written Works]

just a little stab? maybe...huh...huh?

[BashfulScribe's Written Works]

then stabs her in the eye?

[BashfulScribe's Written Works]

Hmmm, stabs her in the eye...too much?

[Magusfang's Corner]

Howitzers...so yesterday...how about and army of exploding insects...or nanites that can kill from the inside...and lest we forget giant spiders...everyone loves giant spiders

[BashfulScribe's Written Works]

Hmmm, I see the various points but still think Adam would have flipped out when he heard her flirting with his old tormentors...sort of smacks of betrayal...retroactively. I even think that Adam would have been fine with knowing she had others but I just don't think he cpuld have handled having shoved under his nose so to speak.

And if Nicole has a problem with May, well that would be sort of hypocritical wouldn't you say? Would that be the start of her realizing she does love him?

[Magusfang's Corner]

I can do better

[BashfulScribe's Written Works]

So read chapter 12 and, and please don't take this the wrong way, I really didn't like the party scene. It just seemed so out of character for Adam not to get jealous because he does love Nicole and he is kinda insecure. I kinda expected him to freak and Nicole to feel bad when she realized that he loves her, she loves him, and that she should have known that he would get upset to have the fact she was screwing other guys shoved in his face.

So that said, still love the story and your writing style is amazing, anxiously awaiting the next chapter.

[Adaptation Being Published Early 2016]

Sweet!

[clmustafic review reply and discussion]

I knew I saw something in the bushes!

that was probably me...lost my wallet?

[Magusfang's Corner]

Remember he just had his brain scrambled a bit

he's getting a little complacent too, bout to get a nasty wake up call though

[crazychickhull's crazy corner]