Raymy

An Italian fake out.

I always seem to start such a thread as this wherever I go, probably because I like to share the things that make me want to write--or which make me laugh or think. Yes, I have quite a collection. No, I don't always know where they came from, so if you do, please tell me.
What goes around usually gets dizzy and falls over. --?

(on being surrounded) "I prefer to call it a target-rich environment." --this is from either March to the Sea or March to the Stars, both of which are by David Weber and John Ringo

Whom the Gods would recruit, they first tick off. --back cover of Oath of Swords by David Weber

"It was the Gods who invented theft in the first place." --p. 38 The Shining Ones by David Eddings

"Defenestrated. It means getting thrown out of a window--a high one, usually. It doesn't accomplish very much to push somebody out of a ground-floor window." The Shining Ones by David Eddings

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in his or her shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. --?

Whoever said nothing's impossible should try slamming a revolving door. --?

Fight crime: shoot back. --?

"How do you prove that we exist? Maybe we don't exist." --Vivi, from Final Fantasy IX
"Whether we're real or not, let's not mope about it. You're pathetic." --Albel Nox, from Star Ocean: Till the End of Time
The only thing worse than when the gods don't answer your prayers is when they do.
- from one of Catherine Asaro's novels, if I remember right
"A tisket, a tasket, a head in a basket. No matter how you try, it cannot answer the questions you ask it." --in David Weber and John Ringo's novel, We Few.


"I have eyes in the front of my head!"
"What, so you can see me when I'm standing nose to nose with you?"
--because sometimes my friends and I can't talk right to save our lives


"I'm the teacher. You're the student. I'm supposed to teach. You're supposed to sit there and look stupid." --Althalus, from David and Leigh Eddings' The Redemption of Althalus
"...It's not quite enough to justify a declaration of war just yet."

"War?" Bevier exclaimed.

"Naturally." Ulath shrugged. "If Otha's been involving himself in the internal affairs of the western Elene kingdoms, that's cause enough to go east and do war upon him."

"I've always liked that expression," Kalten said. "'Do war.' It sounds so permanent--and so messy."

"We don't need justification if you really want to go destroy Zemoch, Ulath," Tynian said.

"We don't?"

"Nobody ever got around to drawing up a peace treaty after the Zemoch invasion five hundred years ago. Technically, we're still at war with Otha--aren't we, my Lord of Lenda?"

"Probably, but resuming hostilities after a five-hundred-year truce might be a little hard to justify."

"We've just been resting up, my Lord." Tynian shrugged. "I don't know about these other gentlemen, but I feel fairly well rested now."

-- The Sapphire Rose by David Eddings


The Death of the Necromancer (Martha Wells) quotes:

.... "This nonchalant attitude is beginning to wear."

"Would you prefer me to twitch hysterically?"

"If you could bring yourself to express such an honest and genuine sentiment as hysteria...."

-- p. 295



"I have a plan." This was true. "I just don't know whether it will actually work or not." This, unfortunately, was also true.

-- p. 322



.... You sound like Nicholas, she told herself. When did you become so cynical? Sometime after sorcerers started trying to kill me, she answered. Sometime after I met Nicholas.

-- p. 168



.... If this fails and I get us all arrested, I won't have to put a pistol to my head because Nicholas will kill me. And in all fairness I'll just have to let him.

-- p. 181



.... "Perhaps we can find another horror for you to fight at a more convenient time."

-- p. 183



Nicholas was too tired to curse Fate at the moment. He would have to remember to do it later.

-- p. 191

Paths Not Taken by Simon R. Green-- "Appalling fellow. I wouldn't piss down his throat if his heart was on fire."
Paths Not Taken-- "Sometimes I think the dinosaurs died out just to spite me."

Paths Not Taken-- .... "This place is bound to be packed with all kinds of people you detest the most. I'm sure you'll find someone worth upsetting in some thoroughly appalling and vindictive way."

The Moon's Shadow (Catherine Asaro) -- "Shall we spend eternity in a hell of our ancestors' making? At the least, we should make our own hells."

The Sapphire Rose by David Eddings-- "I understand that congratulations are in order, my friend, but I don't know that I'd take off my armor until you get to know her better."

Domes of Fire by David Eddings-- "Our Holy Mother reels from crisis to crisis like a drunken sailor."

Gate of the Gods by Martha Wells-- The man brings new meaning to the word odious. And also the word obvious, for that matter.

A conversation between my cousin and me, some years back.
Yamesu: *gets halfway thru saying something*
Cuzo: *taps foot impatiently, waits for Yamesu to finish*
Yamesu: *taps foot with finger, tilts head to the side* What is that supposed to be?
Cuzo: *right off the top of her head* That's my foot on its way to kick your ass.





Two classmates of mine, during a math class.
Ashleigh: I'm going on a dating panel.
Mandy: You wanna date a camel?!

I'm not a complete idiot; some parts are missing. --?
The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. --?
And thus I clothe my naked villainy
With old odd ends, stol'n forth of holy writ;
And seem a saint, when most I play the devil.
~William Shakespeare

I want you to put more life into your dying.
-- Samuel Goldwyn
"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don't know." (Animal Crackers)

Statistics show that of those who contract the habit of eating, very few survive. - Wallace Irwin

"He used statistics as a drunken man uses lampposts; for support rather than illumination." --?

"I commend my soul to any god that can find it." - Moist von Lipwig, Going Postal, a Terry Pratchett book

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...
-- Sir Norman Wisdom

I'm back... and you knew I was coming. On my way here I passed a cinema with the sign 'The Mummy Returns'.
-- Margaret Thatcher
It was nine o' clock at night and Tremaine was trying to find a way to kill herself that would bring a verdict of natural causes in court when someone knocked on the door.
--first sentence of Martha Wells' book The Wizard Hunters

The most nerve-racking commissions, Madeline thought, were the ones that required going in through the front door. This front door was simply more imposing than most.
--first paragraph of Martha Wells' The Death of the Necromancer
"Your acidic nature has already corroded my personality." --from my unposted original story, Into the Wind
"I'm saying that you can use both idiots and scissors, but you can't let an idiot use scissors." - Sebastian in the manga/anime Black Butler (or in Japanese, Kuroshitsuji)

"I don't care what you are doing, so much as the idiotic way that you are doing it." - Vincent Valentine from Final Fantasy VII

"Tell Yuffie that this is my phone. She has no right to call it" - Vincent to Cloud, Advent Children during the tribute to FFVII
"I've got to follow them - I am their leader." - Alexandre Ledru-Rollin


"I was born modest; not all over, but in spots." - Mark Twain


"My specialty is detached malevolence." - Alice Roosevelt Longworth


"In Chinese, the word for crisis is wei ji, composed of the character wei, which means danger, and ji, which means opportunity." - Jan Wong

"No one provokes me with impunity." (Or, in Latin, "Nemo me impune lacessit." It has the translation in my quote book, too.) - motto of Scotland


"(Courage) a perfect sensibility of the measure of danger, and a mental willingness to endure it." - William T. Sherman


"I am not absent-minded. It is the presence of mind that makes me unaware of everything else." - G. K. Chesterson


"When the mind is thinking, it is talking to itself." - Plato


"It is very easy to forgive others their mistakes. It takes more gut and gumption to forgive them for having witnessed your own." - Jessamyn West
"I can't handle him right now."
"Is it the change of environment?"
"Pretty sure it's just his usual stupidity."
--a friend (shikyokage on FFnet) and me, brainstorming a conversation for a collaboration fic
I dreamt I was a moron. --Squall from Final Fantasy VIII
Stormforce by Chris Bunch
"You wish?" Ben Dill said politely to the Musth.
"To inquire as to why you are being stupid."
"Just my normal procedure."
"You are a pilot," Alikhan said. "Yet you have volunteered to play ground-worm. That does not make sense."
"Because," Dill said, "like I told Garvin, back on Cumbre, I'm bored waiting for trouble to come to me."
"I see. That is stupid indeed," Alikhan said. "But no more stupid than my joining the Force. Why did you not ask me if I wanted to be stupider than I already am?"
"To be real honest," Ben said thoughtfully, "I didn't even think about it. ...."

Stormforce by Chris Bunch
"Shuddup, everybody," Dill said, standing. From somewhere, he'd found another full pitcher. He clambered on top of the table, and started singing the age-old song:
Did you ever think when a hearse went by
That you might be the next to die?
Then, changing tempo:
The worms crawl in
The worms crawl out
The worms dance tangos
All over your snout.
He went back to speech:
"A hymn to the next of us to go south:
"Hymn...hymn...screw him..."
*eyes dinner, turns to the person sitting next to them* "I'd rather eat you than whatever the hell this is, and I don't even like you." --a bit of inspiration I bounced off shikyokage
*deep breath* "Mm, I love the smell of paranoia in the morning.... Don't you?"
*death glares*
"If looks could kill, I'd live forever."
--more brainstorming with shikyokage
"Is it so much of a challenge to believe that I can be civil for two seconds?"
"At a time or altogether?"
--I cannot for the life of me remember where I first found this.
"You look like you're trying to glare enlightenment out of that tree."
"It's obviously denying me infinite wisdom and knowledge."
"Well maybe if you didn't threaten it, it would be nicer?" ... "But since it bothers you so much perhaps you can ask me and I'll ask the tree."
--I think I found this in a Fire Emblem fic on FFnet (called Trust, if I remember right)...
Off the top of my head one day:

"If we are what we eat, you're dead meat and I'm a wild animal."
"What's that make him?"
"A limp noodle."




And from a lovely Air Gear yaoi fic I found.... (Title: I Love You, I Love You, I Love You, and I Hate You)
(Of course the yaoi pair had jumped apart upon hearing their teammates' voices nearby....)
"What are you two doing?" Onigiri asked as they stopped in front of the two boys.
"Nothing you fucking pig." The shark answered in irritation.
"So…what are you guys doing still hanging around?" Kazu asked as he desperately hoped for a change in subject.
"Well we decided to go to the café for a bit after so..." Ikki began to explain. "I thought you went home already Kazu?"
"Uh..."
Before the blond could come up with an excuse Onigiri had already substituted his own theory. "I bet he was with that girl of his..." (Who of course is a guy, lol.)
Agito raised an eyebrow and glanced over at Kazu.
"Where'd she go? I wanna meet her!" Ikki yelled, looking around for any sight of this mysterious woman.
"She ran away sensing idiots nearby..." (When in reality "she" is sitting next to him. XD)
From Saiyuki (the Reload series, I think):
Sha Gojyo: "There's always some dipshit...."
Cho Hakkai: "Now, Gojyo--let's not replace tact with honesty."
Lady Astor: If you were my husband, I'd give you poison.
Winston Churchill: If you were my wife, I'd drink it.

Parliament member: Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.
Disraeli: That depends, Sir, on whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.

Walton Kerr: He had delusions of adequacy.

William Falkner of Ernest Hemingway: He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.

Moses Hadas: Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it.

Mark Twain: I did not attend his funeral, but I wrote a nice letter saying I approved of it.

George Bernard Shaw: I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend...if you have one.
Winston Churchill: Cannot possibly attend first night; will attend second...if there is one.

Mark Twain: Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?

Mae West: His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
"What's the matter? Did you look in the mirror?"
--one of many insults traded by my cousin 'su, one of my brothers and me
"It seems that at least your mouth is well off...." -from the first volume of Fate/Stay Night
"...'twill turn your eyeballs black and blue." - Brendan Behan

"It seldom pays to be rude. It never pays to be only half-rude." - Norman Douglas

"Lord Birkenhead is very clever but sometimes his brains go to his head." - Arthur R. M. Lower

LOL. My first thought was "thesauri".

How about capitalization? I see numerous examples of capitalizing common nouns, i.e. 'He went to see the Doctor.' if your just going to see a random medical practitioner, shouldn't 'doctor' not be capitalized? As far as I know, the only doctor capitalized that way is one of the Doctors from Dr. Who.
i read this example somewhere else as well and it always makes me laugh
There's a difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.

"I often wondered why I torcher myself"
?

Ah, I love these conversations. It always sparks the "holier than thou" part of me that enjoys feeling superior to others. There aren't many aspects of life that I can claim to be an expert in, but I've always felt that I put a lot more effort than most others into language: spelling, usage and grammar. If you detect sarcasm braided with self-deprecation overlaying basic truth, then you get my point. (and perhaps, apple pie!) I'm not pointing any fingers, other than at myself, for I grew up lording it over my sister (older). It, being my aptitude for spelling, but mostly, having a better understanding of word usage. Just at Xmas dinner, she said, "The scent of the candle is "waffing" over to her." I bit my tongue in order not to correct her. That was a rare moment for me because I don't hesitate to do so at every turn. (and did incessantly during Xmas-time) We were both raised similarly, so it's not that I had any advantage other than my brain works differently. I have struggled to get over the enjoyment I gain at feeling that I'm better than her, but most of the time it's a losing battle. We are what we are. Because I have this relationship with my sister, I try to practice leniency for most poor writing I encounter. However, as I've admitted, my inflated ego gets the better of me, many times, and I tactlessly point out the flaws I perceive.
Seriously, the ease of learning literacy concepts and memorizing how words are spelled or used is something we may take for granted. Many people can't incorporate what they are taught simply because they aren't wired that way. They still have creativity and imagination that blows me away, and they deserve the forum to express themselves. I would like to see them recognize that they still need to try to learn, though. At the very least, proofreading their own work before they submit would make a huge difference. The worst part of being so "perfect", as many of you can attest to, is knowing that when you make a despicable mistake, you berate yourself the hardest. "Bad _____, you should know better!" I know that as long as there is someone who can point out my errors, I tremble every time I make a post or submit a story.

Not Guilty.
Unless you count my son "walking me". He runs off and I have to give chase.
Have you ever slept more than 12 hours straight?
My body gets buzzy, and I feel crappy if I go more than 10.

Try this but change the domain link from hp to other domains as needed.

Swedish Elves Manufacture All New Trains, Insists Claus-Santa
R E I N D E E R

Love Is Pearly Semen Trickling Into Cavernous Krotches
(I might have taken liberties with the spelling of crotches)
R A D I O A C T I V E

Morbid. I approve.
Thief Invades Mansion But Encounters Rottweiler
J O U S T

Please Read Over Typos Or Take Your Printing Elsewhere
S Y S T E M I C

Superhero Hates Ordering Replacement Tights
W A T E R F A L L

Tired brain produces weird response, no acronym there.
Answering Useless Demands Interests Teachers
S H O R T

(You're too fricken fast!)
Without Ever Realizing, Elves Worship Over Legolas's Form
S U P E R S O N I C

N00b Ogles New Surgeon, Exaggerates Numbness; Slip-up Entails
W E R E W O L F

I've never written any but gawdammit, Remus is a werewolf. Any guy who can lick his own balls at the right time of month is gonna be taking charge.

Not here, but in my attempt at NaNo this year (which failed due to me being ill and bed-ridden for almost half of the month November):
- She could tell by looking at their feces that there was something wrong. (Diarrhea, perchance? XD)
- She was quiet quite. (And I am silly very.)

"He summons a very small fax which happens to be Naruto!"
So that's a pocket fax machine used to send anime characters to your friends. Yay! Send me...um...Ichigo!

Slurping Up Piss Is Niche Eroticism.
B I S M U T H

Several Tentative Authors Texting Urgently To Organize Rampant Yaoi.
B R O C C O L I

Somewhat Occupied Member Eats Ravioli, Salsa Also Usefully Lies There
STATUTORY

Seriously Urbane Role Player Requires Intelligent Sexy Enemy
M A S T I C A T E

Well, if I'm not going to read your stories, then I'll just keep reading your forum posts! You're hilarious!

I do want people to read my stuff! Just, not all people. It's aimed at a niche audience of people who have un-normal fantasies/like specific... I don't want to say kinks because it's beyond kinky... extreme perversions? Hence my warning about paying attention to the codes at the start of each one, and by inferance title and summary
So, to take an example from one of my original stories:
Title: Whore of Heaven
Summary: The beautiful Archangel Luzurial is all that stands between humanity and the demon Eparlegna. Earth is screwed, and so is she.
Codes: Anal,Angst,Bond,COMPLETE,Contro,Dom,F/F,Humil,Language,MCD,MiCD,M/F,OC,Other,Preg,PWP,Rapefic,SoloM,Tent,Tort,Violence,Xeno
Firstly I'd hope a reader would consider the title.
"Hmmm... Whore. Sounds degrading. I will avoid this story"
or
"Hmmm... Whore. It's a job title. I'll give it a try."
or even
"Yum! Whore! Heaven!"
So Reader one would hopefully go no further.
Then with the summary,
"...Sounds like stereotypical angel/demon pr0ns. Meh." or "yeah!"
Then the codes, and now I will put myself into the mind of a perceived average user rather than both sides
Anal,Angst,Bond,COMPLETE,Contro,Dom,F/F,Humil,Language,MCD, MiCD,M/F,OC,Other,Preg,PWP,Rapefic,SoloM,Tent,Tort,Violence,Xeno
Anal
"Well, gawsh, I'm on AFF. You better damn well believe I like anal. It's not in the Harry/Draco cat, but it's probably much the same. Anuses self lubricate, right?"
Angst
"YES! I love angst! You can't have a relationship without it!"
Bond
"I liked that one where that guy tied that other guy up!"
COMPLETE
"....oh well. Maybe I can review and ask for an update?"
Contro
"I like a little bit of controversy, but not too much. Like, Dumbles could be partly redeemable while still maniupulative and evil?"
Dom
"Still my kind of thing! Every story I have ever read displays the characters immediately in a sub/dom relationship."
F/F
"Yuri? Ewww. I can skip those bits."
Humil
"As long as it isn't the yuri bit!"
Language
"Swearing? In my sex? Oh no."
At this point, most would move onto a different story. This is why the Language code is very important. Those who continue,
MCD
"Death? of a main character? I only really approve of that if it's to give the angst that gets the guys together... What does this have to do with angel/demon sex anyway?"
MiCD
"Who cares about minor characters? It's original fic, they're all minor!"
M/F
"...you sick fuck. But I'm slightly curious."
OC
"There's no M/M tag? Goddamn it, this is AFF! Does it need an OC tag in the original section? Seems kind of anal. Mmmm anal..."
Other
"Is that an old code? Is there still an Other code? What other?"
Preg
"That's gross! Unless it's a typo and supposed to be mpreg... but, no, there's no m/m tag. I'm not too sure about this story."
PWP
"You got me back."
Rapefic
A very important tag (as was the NC tag it replaced). Most people understandably don't like this kind of content and it's better for them and me if they don't read it. In this case our imaginary reader would hopefully realise that the angel/demon screwing going on is M/F rapefic and stop reading if they don't enjoy that sort of thing. Rather more do seem to enjoy m/m rapefic, but in quite a lot of those cases it seems to lead immediately to true love. Huh.
SoloM
"I wonder if I can just get an extract of that scene?"
Tent
"They go camping?" *checks codes "in Japan?"
Tort
"I don't mind it in the right context but based on the codes I have already seen I do not want to see this."
Violence
"...or this."
Xeno
"Although paradoxically I do like bearded Greek men who... what? it's non-human crittera/alien fucking? M/F at that?"
"No, on balance this is not my kind of thing at all. I will find a story I want to read with codes/summary/title I like."
So that's kind of my perfect ideal, with people who'd like it reading it, and people who don't, not. Instead I get people seeing the codes, title, and summary and responding with this stuff.
But I also recognised that it is published on the internet, where despite the warnings and codes anybody can see it. If I really wanted to make sure other people didn't read it, I could probably make the effort to set up some subscription only mailing group of diehard weirdos, but I didn't. I posted to AFF and hoped people would only have time to read stories that hit their fetish
I have published and I am damned.
Does this make sense?