Aysha c.c.
-
Posts
198 -
Joined
-
Last visited
-
Days Won
1
Content Type
Profiles
Forums
Events
Posts posted by Aysha c.c.
-
-
wow, thank you Belfry I'm incredibly flattered that you like my story so much! I've been a fan of transformers since they first aired. when I was a kid I had tons of the original Transformers toys Optimus Prime with his trailer and even is little remote vehicle, as well as all of the Dinobots, and Omega Supreme; man I do wish I still had all those toys.
I'm sorry I never really got into johnny test so I can't really weigh in on that.
That console looks ancient, so you might not want to admit to that being your first one, unless you inherited it from your grandparents. lol. My first one was the Sega Master System.
In case you're wondering my avatar is Aisha clanclan! from one of the most awesome animes ever made, Outlaw Star.
You may be happy to know that I am about 20 percent into chapter 5 of Transformers Prime The Truth Revealed. In the meantime I'd love to have your feedback on my Teen Titans story, Teen Titans and a sex fiend. Despite its seeming popularity I just can't get very much feedback on it and really, I'd like to have an idea of what people think so if you're interested please check it out. here is a link: http://comics.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600060924 -
Whenever I damn well feel like it!
But seriously, I tend to end my chapters with something dramatic. -
You're welcome, I'm happy to help any time I see something like that, I know it drives me nuts in my own writing, and you being an English teacher I'm sure it irks you even more so. Especially when you put so much hard work into the story.
If you called 10,000 word chapters behemoths; what do you call the 20,000 were chapters I write? Leviathans? lol
anyway I hope you will keep the suggestions I've made in mind as you continue your stories because I would really like to see where you can take them.
-
I'm on it thanks.
-
I'll give your suggestion about the cookies a try but I'm not the one who placed the subdomain. thank you for responding so quickly.
-
I am using chrome on the site now because ie just wont let me edit or add my stories at all. But I just ran into that problem trying to edit my Oden Have Mercy story in the Movie section of the archive.
I can still edit all my other stories, so what's up with this?
-
Author: Aysha
Title: Oden Have Mercy!
Summary: Hiccup takes Astrid on a picnic and Ruffnut crashes the party.
Feedback: Wood like reviews. Really want to know if it's funny.
Fandom: How To Train Your Dragon
Pairing:Hiccup and Astrid???
Warnings: AFFO, COMPLETE, M/F, Minor2, Oral, Other, Parody, PWP
Solo story or chaptered story:
URL:Oden Have Mercy!
-
Just so everyone knows chapter four is up though I didn't get as far into the story as I would have liked. Some of the things I promise had to be moved to chapter 5 because chapter 4 would have been way too long.
Thank you for following and thank you for your reviews.
-
The Long Long Long Awited Chapter 4 Is Up Please have fun reading and reviewing.
Author: Aysha c.c.
Chapter Title: Chapter 4 a Troubled beginning.
Summary: This chapter is almost as big as chapter three. It too has a lot of deep emotion. It has sex, Laughter,and Intrigue, plus drama to boot, but not everything I wanted to give you, but that will be in chapter 5.
Feedback: Read and Review with as much concrit as you want! and let me know how you think the story should develop and I will give it do consideration.
Fandom: Transformers Prime
Pairing: Jack/Arcee + June
Warnings: AFFO, Fingering, Fist, M/F, Minor2, OC, Oral, Parody, Preg, TF, WAFF, WIP, Xeno, Inc
Solo story or chaptered story: This will be a contuinuing fanfiction.
-
I'm confused... Goten, Gohan, and Trunks are male so how can you be writing an F/F?
-
Aysha - I'm glad you find the budding Jubes+Wanda relationship to be intriguing (as opposed to dumb or hackneyed). While, from an adult-erotica-reader's perspective, I can understand your disappointment that Wanda+Rogue isn't happening; but incompatible orientations are a fact of life sometimes, unfortunately. As I mentioned above, a Wanda+Rogue fic isn't out of the question, and I might even find a way to set it in the FTaBH continuity (such as it is).
I do hope that you write both the Jubes+Wanda story and the Wanda+Rogue, But it would be really cool if you would consider a threesome story Wanda+Rahne+Jamie. I was thinking that Wanda might want to explore the other side of things and I don't think that anything is outside the realm of possibility for Rahne, horn-dog that she is
. Rahne would offer Wanda an anchor to her usual orientation while allowing her to explore the hetero side of things with a guy that isn't absolutely dripping with testosterone. Jame would simply consider himself to be the luckiest sob on earth.Also I need you to create a R+V response thread so I can share my suggestion for that story line. Please.
-
I have been trying but every time I think I'm making progress something goes wrong. Just so you know I have over 23,000 wards written for chapter 4. and things were going well, but then I found out that the speech writing program I was using was fucking everything up. so I had to go through the whole ef-ing chapter and find everything messed up and fix it. I don't know if you can imagine but that put me off writing for a while. so for about two mounts I didn't write a dam thing. but eventually I got the bug again, and I went back to writing. For a while I was working on Transformers prime and Teen Titans side by side, but I was still kind of put off of Transformers Prime so I focused on Teen Titans until I finished chapter two.
I took a brake for about a week and then decided to go back to Transformer Prime. That's when I found out that the program I had been using to write, a free version of home office, had locked itself and all my documents. I checked it out and found that Microsoft wants 100$ a year for their home office. Well fuck them! But I had to wait till I could afford a new writing program. Now I can and I've managed to activate a one mount free trial of the home office, so I have made none home office back ups on note pad. I'm going to keep writing on home office for the next two or three weeks then get the new program, so HOPEFULLY! It won't take too much longer to finish correcting chapter four and then finish writing it and get it posted.
sorry I didn't see your post until today, It's been so long sense anyone posted here that I haven't checked in some time. But like I said I am back to it so just hold out a little longer!
And thank you for your patience.
-
Actually these creatures are referred to as ani-man combining animal and man.
-
@Crystalandra: I to am a person of color, and I even grow up in a relatively ghetto area. However I never could speak ghetto very well; my grandmother was a journalist and raised my mother the speak proper English and she passed that on to me. I got a lot of grief from my friends "in the hood" about all the big words I use.
I decided a long time ago that I don't have to sound stupid just to make them feel better about how stupid they sounded, saying stuff like "she lookeded good." and "He was more gooder looking then you."
, No really a girl actually said that to me! I just stared at her in a state of disbelief. 
As for writing using "big words" try reading some of my stories like Teen Titans and a Sex-fiend, or Transformers Prime the Truth Revealed. I think I sprained my vocabulary writing those LOL. So don't let the "ignint" people get you down simply because they can't read words with more than four litters.
-
Just in case you haven't noticed, you are running out of August. I do hope you're going to give us an up-date.
-
You are welcome, and what you are looking for is at the bottom of the screen, when you are doing your lessons. There are little boxes down there right in the middle of the screen. Clicking on them will change the writing style.I was just given the Home school version of the program levels 1-3 for my B-day. Am already rolling with laughter over how my inflection is definitely missing the mark since I loaded the program onto my laptop yesterday. I am glad I got the Rosetta Stone though cause it is a really neat program. All the lettering is in the Japanese style font at the moment, so I hope I can figure out how to get romanji up once I understand the program a lot better than I do at the moment.
Thanks so much for the tip, Aysha.
Happy birthday to you as well. I hope you're having as much fun with it as I am.
-
I wanted to let you know that I have read chapter 1 of Macabre, and I think it a really good start on a really good idea for a novel. The only real detractor I see is how long you make the reader wait to find out the main character is female. It kind of makes the character seem like a guy with a granny fetish. EWE!
I will do a full critique of the chapter, but I wanted to give you my general impression because I have been a bit busy. When I have finished writing the critique I will edit this post.
What was this fan fiction from anyhow?
It is from the original Ben 10 cartoon series. If you have Netflix you can watch it on there. The original is the one where they are 10 years old.
@Aysha c.c. If you want to give me a way to contact you I'll send over my comments for the rest when I can get to it..
If you could send it to me in a PM (privet message) that would be great. thanks!
@gossamersilverglow, I decided to send you a PM.
-
Reviewed Ch. 1 of Ben Ten, He Saw It. The way the story was set up though was that all the chapters were in one chapter. So I hope reading just the first was okay since it was a genre I’m not overly familiar with.
My review to Ben Ten, He Saw It Ch. 1:
So the introduction is all run on. It’s kind of a choppy, never ending sentence. I would suggest rereading it and shortening it. Not only that, but add some detail other than the sexual ones. Like what color is the towel she grabbed for? How about some condensation on the mirror or the shower door, remnants from the hot shower? It doesn’t have to be a lot, a simple, well structured sentence goes a long way.
Frist let me say thank you for going into such detail. This was actually the first story I ever wrote. It was about seven years ago and my dyslexia was in full force. It has taken a lot of hard work to overcome it, and it still takes a lot of vigilance to make sure it doesn't show its ugly head.
Now, as to your review: Yes you are right, the introduction is one big run on. I will revise, thank you. As for the details you bring up. If this were a true story and not a pwp you would be quite right, those details would add an extra layer of depth to the story, however this is a "porn without plot" so I just don't think that kind of detail in this area of the story is necessary. Thank you for the suggestion anyway.
Anyhow here are some typos to correct: “Gwen stepped out of the shower wrapped her hear in a small hand towel and then rapped herself in a regular bath towel…” Comma after shower, hear should be hair, another comma after towel, rapped should be wrapped and there should be a period where I put the ellipses. When you’re listing two or more things each item should be separated with a comma. Next: “The bath towel was just wide enough to cover her from her small budding ten year old breast, to her just starting to widen hips, stopping about an inch below the line of her ass.” Noticed I capitalized the *T* in making it a new sentence. There should be a comma after ‘to cover her,’ if only to make it flow better…fix those mistake and this sentence wasn’t that bad. It has a lot of potential.
Again you are right about all of the points you make her, and I will make these corrections. As a dyslexic it is often difficult to see certain kinds of mistakes and I appreciate them being pointed out, such as (hear and hair) it is likely I would never had seen that without your help.
“Gwen opened the bathroom door and walked out into the open living space of the rust bucket, knowing that Ben and gram paw hade each gown to do their own thing.” This sentence is telling us the living space is a rust bucket instead of showing us. As a reader, we don’t see what you see as a writer, so you have to describe it. I’ve never really heard of a living space as a rust bucket though, a pigsty maybe, but rusty? Maybe use a different word. The last part of the sentence goes way over my head and I can’t make any suggestions because I just don’t understand it. At first I thought you just misspelled grandpa (or maybe it was intentional?), but like I said, I’m just not sure.
Actually this sentence is telling you that the living space is in The Rustbucket as that is the nick name of the R.V. that Grandpa Max drives. That's the kind of thing you only get if you watch the show, but I should have capitalized it and made it one word. As for gram paw (should be one word) but yes I did it like that because that is how Gwen pronounces the word in the show. I will however address the other misspellings you pointed out.
“She hadn’t felt like going out so she had decided to stay and have a shower while the guys were gown; her shower had taken much longer than she had anticipated…” Gown should be gone. Be careful with your use of semicolons because sometimes it’s just an excuse to make the sentence unnecessarily long. I would suggest putting a period after anticipated and starting a new sentence with Ben. That sentence isn’t so bad either. It’s another one that shows some potential, but needs a few more descriptive words.
You use semicolons way too much. I find that if you can’t properly place it than a period usually works just fine. I’m guilty of using them too much and not even properly, so I know. Then a reviewer told me that bit of information and I’ve changed my ways. Now when I see it’s bothersome. Consider this suggestion.
Yes I do to this day tend to abuse the semicolons and I am trying to get better about that but they are kind of like potato chips for me, one just isn't enough. lol. Thanks again for pointing out the misspelling.
“He took a few deep breaths*,* enjoying the feel of the cold air filling his lungs.” Nice. Sometimes a little description goes a long way!
“Ben turned into the living area expecting to see Gwen geeking out on her computer, instead for a short time he wasn’t sure what he was seeing.” I enjoyed the way you used ‘geeking’ in this sentence.
‘Whoa dude, she’s ten should she be cussing like that’ was my first thought, but I’m guessing there isn’t going to be a giant time skip making her of age and that she’ll be having sex with Ben? I’m over it.
It feels like someone completely different wrote this next group of sentences: “It was a statement of fact and at the same time a venomous accusation, not a question. Her embarrassment had reached a level she had never known in her life, and Ben was just standing there, staring at her, and not blinking.” I was genuinely surprised after reading that and then I was stumped. If you can write like that I think maybe you need to go over the rest of chapter one and make it like that.
Overall, I’m not big on her being ten and I don’t remember seeing a loli (I assume that’s what this means) warning for this particular fic. I would suggest including it. Keep writing!
Well I'm glad I was able to surprise you in the end, and that you liked that part. When it comes to a ten year old kid cussing like that, I think that most people tend to underestimate the language skills of kids. I have been royally cussed out by an eight year old.
The Gwen character is a confident/mature (for her age) type, and I think, under these circumstances would have called Ben a fucking pig!
The warnings for this story are clearly marked as loli and minor 1. and have been for over a year. This story is really about the sexual tension that can build up between siblings/cousins with out them even realizing it. I know for a fact that, from personal experience, that this kind of sexual situation does develop with kids, as a preteen I was very active with the girls in my neighborhood so I don't think that this story is at all a stretch. Especially in modern times.
You did a wonderful job reviewing this chapter, and it is my hope that you can overlook the fact that the characters are ten years old, I would love to get some feedback on the descriptiveness of chapters two and three, and of course any misspellings you care to point out.
As a reward I think I will likely read The Gothic Boutique as I really cant handle "Rape, drugs, violence, gore, torture."
I will endeavor to do as well as you, when I do the review.
-
This will work if your teleporting mutant is distracted mid transmission, by an attack, or something.Thanks!
This really helps. It also would allow for the fact I'm kinda wanting him to try to save a group of five, but Steve Rogers and my OC wind up alone. They just 'fell' out of the teleport a little early.
You are welcome, I was happy to help. If you need anything else, you need only ask.
-
A/N: Finally after so long this chapter is complete. “Why did it take so long?” you ask. Well this chapter contains some rather uncomfortable scenes that as a strait heterosexual man was difficult for me to write (spoiler alert) but because of the nature of the main OC (Mikari) had to be written. So that is why I am warning you that near the end of this chapter Robin is forced to experience anal sex with futa Raven. Note: For those not interested in reading that part I have separated the beginning and end of that part with a line of {} {} {} {} whatever you call these things. I had to ask some friends some very uncomfortable questions in order to be able to write the scene convincingly so I hope that those of you who do read it will appreciate it and let me know how I did. Anyway please have fun reading and then Rate and Review. You can tell me what you liked and what you didn’t. Anything will be appreciated. Thank you in advance.
-
I got mine as a Christmas gift.
-
No it is not only listening but writing as well. It is a very comprehensive program, it gives you the choice to learn Kanji/Furigana, Kanji by itself, Hiragna/katakana, or Romaji which is phonetic Japanese. So all in all it covers pronunciation,vocabulary,grammar,reading, and writing.
There are 3 course levels you do have to pay for each level individually, though I don't know if there are any package deals, but I promise you; it is well worth it.
Also each course level that you buy is broken down into smaller levels on the disks; disk 1 has 4 levels each, broken down into 4 units, each unit is broken down into a varying number of lessons.
-
I am studying Japanese on the Rosetta Stone, not savvy but some day; something you might also like to know, if you don't already, is that they have about a dozen for "I" as in myself, and some are gender specific.
You might think about getting Rosetta Stone Japanese for yourself. It is actually a lot of fun.,
-
Hello, ChrisCross, first let me start by apologizing for not seeing your post sooner. To be honest I had given this thread up for dead a long time ago. However that dose not mean that I am unwilling to help someone that comes asking, in fact it makes me quite happy.
Second telling someone about a mistake IS NOT FLAMING!!! Don't let the lazy frauds out there that just want a pat on the back for shitty work tell you otherwise. Thank you for pointing out my mistakes, that just might explain why this thread never got off the ground. (For an explanation of "Lazy frauds read: Enough is Enough! )
Now on to you mutant's power: There are several factors we should tack into account; the age of your mutant for one, I.E. how experienced is he with his power, second How powerful is your mutant? What is the maximum amount of mass he can teleport, The more mass he teleports the more energy he would have to expend. I actually like your concept for this power he or she has. I think the explanation you are looking for is simply complex (LOL) or rather it is simply the complexity of what he is teleporting that makes the difference. First of all inorganic, small objects would require less energy and mental focus, lager more complex objects would require a great deal more energy and mental focus, and the more individual objects he/she is trying to move and the distance he/she is trying to move the would increase the strain.
So you have to ask your self. "How much mass can my mutant move, from something the mass of a cat or the mass of an aircraft-carrier. Also it might be a good idea to decide how much moving a given mass a given distance will fatigue your mutant, but don't set the limit to high or to low, because you could find yourself constrained by that in the future.
Also if you want you can further restrain the power of your mutant by requiring him/her to have a certain level of understanding of the object(s) being moved I.E. what it is made of, how it is put together/its anatomy, and so on.
Ether way factoring in all, most or even some of these variables you should be able to get away with just about anything you want, even making it to where sometimes the people end up nude and sometimes they don't.
As for why he/she can't move his/herself, its because he/she is the anchor using his/her energy to push the object(s) through subspace/hyperspace/wormhole whatever you want, and whenever he/she tries he/she gets thrown onto his/her ass with varying degrees of ouch factor, because it its impossible to be both pusher and pushee.
I hope this helps you out, and it would be great if you let me know.
What These Eyes See
in Promote a Story!
Posted · Edited by Aysha c.c.
Okay guess what everyone, I have joined the legions of Naruto fanfiction writers! So here's the gist of it.
What These Eyes See
Hanabi Hyuuga, ponders how everyone underestimates the Byakugan and decides to educate Moegi. Please note that not all tags apply to this chapter. 3Plus, AFFO, Anal, Bi, B-Mod, BP, Contro, DP, Exhib, F/F, Fingering, F/D, HJ, Inc, loli, M/F, Minor1, Minor2, Oral, Other
Naruto > General
Author [Aysha] -:- Rated [Adult++]
Authors notes: This story has been given all relevant tags and warnings. I don't know how old Hanabi Hyuuga is but in this story she is 10 years old and the same age as Moegi and her team.
This is the first F/F I have ever done so it would be really awesome if you give me some reviews and let me know how I did. All reviews are welcome. Thank you!