CloverReef

lol! Glad you liked it! I was worried about this chapter.

Chapter six... Well, there's sex, but I don't know if sexy's the right word for it.

That's strange. I think I have socks older than me too. Hm. Thank you for the birthday (and productivity) wishes!

Hi guys! It's my birthday in 2 days (on the 16th)! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! Anyhoo, I'm moving on the 1st of July. I may lose the internet for awhile so don't be alarmed if a few updates are missed around that time. Chapter FOUR Kylee: Hi! I just finished writing Chapter 7, and had a lot of fun with the end so I'm in a good mood at the moment! Yeah, I didn't want to do a conventional ghost story. I really wanted to do a ghost(s) who had potential to be sexy without being overly corny, so I'm still kinda working on that! I'm glad you're enjoying it, so thanks for letting me know! BijouDuMon: Stiles is so much fun, but a difficult bugger to write! I am sooooo not used to stoic/angry/misunderstood characters! Wow, I just got majorly distracted by an old INXS video from 87. *clears throat* anyway, thanks for the review! Karv: Glad you like it! I love the word 'unique'. It makes me feel all warm and tingly inside. Osiris-Falls: Hey you! Thank you so much, it means a lot to me. I tend to be my worst critic when it comes to my writing, but the one thing I do pride myself in is my characters. Giving goosebumps is definitely the icing on the cake! Anise: Yay, I'm not crazy today! Maybe just a lil bit... LOL Your comment about Johnny reminded me of the speedy gonzales commercial with the hippo and the bunny. Maybe he's like a lion. Can run really fast in short bursts... At least I think that's what lions are like. Maybe I'm mixing them up with another animal. As for what he know, I'm still rather ambivalent when it comes to where he stands with it all with 7 finished chapters. If I do something inconsistent on that front, slap me. And yes. Cain should learn to trust his instincts! But if he did that, the fic would be over... well, no it wouldn't. The spooks would still get to him, because I said so. Hmm... Maybe this disagreeing with myself has something to do with why I keep being blocked by indecisions. I shall ponder on that. Anyway, I'm glad you're liking that it's not just a multiple chapter pretty boy romp! I didn't mention anything supernatural in the summary so I'm still a tad bit worried how people will take it. See you! oo: I agree, basements are scary! I used to be afraid of mine! But that had a lot to do with my brother who slumbered within. Originally it was going to be some kinda weird genie type creature, but that was just a little too out there, so after awhile I decided on something a little more traditional and ghost-like. JtheChosen1: Thanks! Womo: No worries, I deleted the blank review. And LOL! That sounds like reason enough to keep going in the basement! I didn't even think of the STD thing. Yay he can bareback to his heart's content! Thanks for the laugh! Spex: Yay! Addictions are good! To stories... Thanks for the review! Lisa: Yay! Hi Lisa! Oh god I want soooo bad to answer those questions, but I'll bite my tongue. Ow! That stud line was my favourite part of the chapter, so you made me giggle a little bit. Thanks for the review, I always love hearing from you! Sana-chan: I admit, I'm a cliffhanger whore. I try not to do them too often, but they're just too fun! And I love the reactions of frustrated readers! Aha, you're on to Nana! Sana-chan #2: lol, I mean on the 16th of June. I'll be turning 24. And OMG good idea! I should totally do a bathtub scene!!!! Leilachan: Wow, you're too kind! I'm glad they're relatable, I try to keep the star of a fic down to Earth and understandable. I get so frustrated with characters that let their love interests walk all over them so I like to avoid doing that. And LOL yes, gotta love a good game of hard to get. I love that you're enjoying my fics and my characters, thank you so much for the kind words! JJ: Peter's secret is that he worked as a burlesque dancer by night! The key is to his chastity belt! And... Um... I can't think of any inane lies for the mystery Stiles. Oh well, thanks for the review! PaipurrbakRighter: Thank you! I'm very nervous about my characterisations in chapter 5 and 6. I've gone over them a million times so I hope I worked out the bugs... But yes, we're definitely going to learn more about Stiles in the coming chapters. Receiving such kind words from a marvelous and fascinating author really fuels my inspiration so thank you again. Aleks: I like all those words, especially the last 'Sexy' one! Thanks, you made me smile! kuramasgirl : Cool, I'm glad you're enjoying it.

Relativist?

Okay so... I've been working on this fic since January. I have three chapters posted, and up to 7 written. I already have a beta for the grammar and spelling and whatnot. The problem is, When I was in the middle of chapter 5, I was suddenly afflicted with a gnarly case of writer's block. It lasted a few months and then I went back to writing it. So I'm afraid chapter 5 and 6 suffered. I've gone over them a few times and there's something I don't like about them. I can't seem to put my finger on what it is. I feel like they're lacking in some way. So I really only need someone to go over those two chapters, but since this might be a plot related issue (I don't know) it's probably best if they are, or will be, up-to-date on what's already happened in the story. 1. What I'm looking for in a Beta reader: Someone who can tell me what I did wrong and what I've done right. If they find problems in the two chapters, I'd like them to be able to offer suggestions as to how I can fix it. 2. It's an original M/M story called "Heirloom". First three chapters are posted, and the fourth will be posted on Monday. It's a ghost story that takes place in small town New Mexico. In chapter five and six (the ones I'd like to get betaed) there is anal sex involved. Here's a link to the story. If you're up for it, please let me know here, or email me at Chloversin@gmail.com

I use italics too. HTML formatting for italics usually works for me. Like: <i>Dream sequence here</i> There's a thread about HTML tags in stories in the FAQs section of the forums. http://www2.adult-fanfiction.org/forum/inde...?showtopic=3724 I hope this helps. Ciao!

Chapter THREE BijouDuMon: Thank you for the review! Got a whole week to go until I post chapter 4 next monday. Sana-chan: AHHH! Ohhhh I should totally write a boogyman fic. A pervo BDSM boogyman! Is there any other kind? But... I won't, so I guess we'll just have to pretend it's been written. God I'm sleepy... Don't worry, I'd never sever my main char into little pieces but I just might torture him a teeny weeny bit. As for the cousin bit... well... the jury's still out on that one! oo: Aren't all supernatural entities touchy-feely? Well I guess not, but they should be. At least all the ones in my stories are, to some degree! Um... Okay not all, but most! I'm ecstatic that you're enjoying it so far! I love scary stories so it makes me happy that I can make a scary moment too, so thanks! Andrea: I certainly hope it gets interesting, at least a little bit. Thank you for the review! turtlewoman69: Yeah I kinda giggled/cackled a little when I wrote that cliffhanger. By 'a little' I mean 'a lot'... Anyhoo glad you like it! JtheChosen1: Thanks! I was hoping people weren't going to get put off by a little cliff hanger. I'm glad you like it! always without complaint: Yes I have a naughty little habit of giving major sluts the starring roles, I guess. By habit, I mean this is the... second time. Okay it's not a habit, but it's so fun, it oughta be! After writing so many testesterone-induced attitudes, I guess I really just wanted to feature a char that was shamelessly flamboyant. Anyway, um... I forgot what we were talking about! Lady-me: Yeeeeeeeeeees! Okay, more will be up next Monday! Thanks! Mello: LOL Gay-o-licious. I like that. Thanks for the compliment and the review! JJ: Yay! I tried hard to make that chapter nice and creepy so I'm happy it worked in some areas! I'd love to fill in all those blanks but I don't wanna spoil it, so I hope you continue to enjoy it and find it creepy! Lisa: Hahaha! That's right, I live for making people fall out of their seats... too bad it doesn't happen as often as I want it too. Ah well, c'est la vie! You just reminded me what I'm lacking in the last two chapters I wrote - Cain doing something incredibly idiotic... And maybe more intense cliffhangers! Those are always fun! FluffieBunny: Yay creepy! Thanks for the review! Tranquil: Is it weird that everytime anyone mentions the cliffhanger, I cackle evilly? Oh well, I'll just assume not. Thanks for the review, I hope you continue to enjoy it! AeryonSun: Wow, thank ya! You're too kind, I'm really glad you like it. Anise: Thank you! I read your review like two seconds after reading another frustrating manga and you cheered me up. Another uke just forgave the semes for kidnapping, rape, and using him as a sex slave substitute for another man, and the seme did absolutely nothing to deserve forgiveness! I was kinda hoping he'd at least give the seme a hard time about it, but nope. Anyway... Maybe I'm PMSing. LOL because you soooooooo needed to know that (sorry I'm just finally coming down from an uber stressful two months so I'm a little bat-shit crazy at the moment. Great time to be writing review responses!) *clears throat* Ahem, anyway... Where was I... Oh yeah, the review. Looks like I took a little detour. Hmm. Oh yes, Lawrence. I don't think I'll be ruining anything when I say yes, he is going to have a significant role in this. At least his role was pretty important in my plans, but I have a tendancy to throw things like that out the proverbial window. I tried soooo hard to make Johnny and Stiles different from Luc and Ailill, and somehow Lawrence weaseled his way in and thwarted my efforts! I'm seeing it too, though, but I'm hoping the many miniscule differences between Evening Wear characters and Heirloom are enough to avoid them being rip-offs. At least I wasn't planning on making Lawrence pork Cain, because in my head, effeminate + effeminate act like two negative sided magnets trying to hump ... But even when I make that comparison, I know I'll probably do it anyway. Sorry, I'm jumping all over your review instead of addressing things in order like usual. But you're right, I do tend to do the mouthy bottoms as main characters more. The more of an attitude, the easier it is to liven up the narration I guess. It's kinda my crutch. I was thinking of making an innocent, naive character the main of my next fic, but that concept scares the hell out of me! Should I be admitting all this? Well I've probably said a lot of things I shouldn't have said already. Oh! And thanks for pointing up that double 'up'! I'll take an axe to it right away! Oh my god, am I still talking?! Spex: Yay! Thanks! Flattery will get you everywhere and then some. Anyhoo thanks for the review!

Awesome! I'll look forward to that. Ciao!

I haven't read those stories so I wouldn't really know what to recommend. But I have suffered from many bouts of writer's block, and one of the causes is often lack of ideas/plots/inspiration. All I can really suggest is read lots of stories, watch lots of TV, and listen to lots of music that you know all the words to. And anything that triggers any emotions in you, and maybe you can form the beginnings of a story that way.

Chapter TWO Cassie: I'm so glad! I love a little mystery so I'm happy I managed to throw some in. Kylie: Ewww a rat! Actually I like rats, but not rat bites, so I stand by my 'ew'. Thank you for the kind review! Anise: Hehehehe I have a tendency towards threesomes, don't I... Well to be fair, there's another character I'll be throwing in the mix. It's good to see you again too! *hugs!* I figure I've done so many fics where the seme is eagerly chasing the uke, whether his tactics are cruel or not, so I decided to put the proverbial ball in Cain's court for the main pair. But that may take awhile... but of course there's a couple studs waiting on the sidelines to keep it fun, I hope. GellyBelly: Too hot to trot. He's gotta be hot, this is a slash fic, right?! Actually little imperfections are far more interesting than someone totally hot, but I figure for a guy that's gotten by so long on his looks alone, he'd better have something good. Anyhoo I'm glad you enjoyed it, even if Stiles is creepy! Always Without Complaint: Wow what a name you have! Yes, I think you hit the Cain nail on the head with 'neurotic, obsessive fool'. I kinda like that description. Stiles has got to be my pride in this one. Its so hard to resist mashing them together and making them rut like rabbits on ecstacy, but then that would make this a PWP and I don't want that! Thanks for the review! Kyandoru: Thank you! L.S.: Things always work out for heros... well... almost always! Anyhoo thanks! I'm glad you like it! Lisa: You are just too sweet! When it comes to johnny, I guess I kinda think of him as Bi in the sense that he'd do anything that walks on two legs, given half a chance. As for Stiles, you're half right. But I won't spoil it for ya, even though I desperately want to! Thank you for the review, you really made my day! PaipurrbakRighter : Glad you're interested so far! Thanks for the review and the compliments! JJ: Yay! I hooked you! You're close when it comes to why Stiles is being a veiled jerk, but I won't say how close. As for Johnny being creepy, yes, I totally agree. That's what makes him so much fun! Thanks for the review! kirjava01 : Yeah I wouldn't be sleeping alone in that basement either. Hell, I can't sleep in my room when there's a moth flying around! Anyhoo glad you're enjoying it! Thanks! Lady-me: Thank you dear! I'm happy you're enjoying it. More will come on next Monday! Paputsza: I love them too! Thanks for the review, I hope you continue to enjoy it! Sana-Chan: I hope you can find this now! You're right, Cain and Oliver do have a few similarities in attitude. Cain's a little more flamboyant and less guarded than Ollie, I think. I think these shameless, unapologetic characters are the most fun to get inside the heads of. Although I'm thinking of making the main char of my next fic naive and innocent... We'll see! Sana-Chan #2: Judging by my family who lives in Alberta... mostly yes. From what I've seen, a lot are loud and proud rednecks, with exceptions of course. I was Raised in Saskatchewan, but I still consider Alberta my homeland. Not crazy about the people but I looove the land itself. I even went back to live in Banff (<3) for a couple months a few years ago. I would have stayed longer if I could have found work! Okay I'm done rambling now.

I totally agree. Actually I agree with most of the points on there, but I was waiting for someone to say something like that. Thanks animedevildog. The 'badly' written fics irritate a lot of people, I think that's been established. When I was writing M/F on fanfiction.net years ago I was reeeeaaally bad at it. I had all the usual grammar and spelling errors all of us complain about today - and have every right to complain about so long as we don't hurt anyone in the process - but I didn't realise it back then. I started writing at 11, and I thought I was great at it, and I stuck to a community of people with similar skills. The people in the fandom that were better writers, I looked up to as celebrities. I refused to have a beta back then too, mostly because I was scared and had a few bad experiences with people who were pretty mean about it. I like to think I'm leagues better than what I did then. Of course I do M/M nowadays, and I have a beta - sometimes two - on 90% of my work. I'm not saying you shouldn't bitch about it. Oh god, that's not it at all! I feel the same way about other sites where the majority is M/F. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I think writing horrible, error-ridden stories suffering from plotholes, cliches, and OOC stereotypes is necessary to grow as an author. Even if they refuse to get a beta at the moment. But, um, yeah... It's frustrating trying to weed through them. Sorry if I rambled, it's like 30 degrees celsius right now at night and I don't have AC! Gaaaah I'm melting! ~C~

Tooottally agreed.

Review responses and information regarding the original story 'Heirloom'. It's finally COMPLETE Info: - Character profiles [Haven't been updated for awhile so they may be somewhat inaccurate.] - Unresolved FAQ [spoiler Alert] - Extra scene [Takes place 4 months later] Archived at: Adultfanfiction.net Original archives My site "Carnal Escape" Y!Gallery Summary: Cain left his extravagant lifestyle behind to go to his grandfather's funeral in small town, New Mexico. It seems Pappy had a lot of secrets and now Cain's inherited a lot more than he bargained for. Anal, M/M Click here to go to the fic. Chapter ONE Erica: Thank you for the review, Erica! There will be more next Monday. Teania: LOL I spent a lot of time writing and rewriting that summary. I'm glad it worked for someone! And, well, being the attention whore that I am, you made my day Thank you so much! Anise: Hi Anise! I'm glad you liked it so far. I tried to make Pappy's interest weird but not too cheesy. I think the end of this chapter suffered from a little cheese, but it was necessary cheese! Thanks for the review! Takumi Fujiwara : Will do! And thanks for the review, Takumi. Spoonring: Weird in a good way, I hope. More will come! Thanks! JtheChosen1: Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it, that cousin is definitely one of my fave chars to write in a long time. Marbles: Hiya, and thanks for the review! Lisa: Aw, you're a doll. Thank you so much! I hope you continue to enjoy it! As for "Pride", it's on hiatus for the moment for lack of inspiration. GellyBelly: Thanks man! Diggin the name XD kirjava01: Ha! Yes, the characters are so much fun to write. Thanks for the review, more will come on Monday! L.S.: Texas?! Sooo cool! I've never been to the states, but I'm from Alberta, Canada and everyone there is under the delusion that they're Texan anyway. I chose the southern states for a setting because, well, there's something spooky and fascinating about small desert towns to me. I'm glad you're liking it so far! Sana-chan: Hey you! Great to hear from you again, and I'm glad you like this one more! Thanks for the review!

Mmhm, my initial idea of chemistry comes from tension between characters. I always think its a little sexier if there's a little passionante rivalry/hatred at first. But yeah, that's a good point. It makes sense that the different emotional responses play a part in it.

Okay so I was discussing this with a friend the other day. We were looking to write a collab, but then we got talking about chemistry between characters. I think I manage chemistry in my later fics. I'm not the best writer, but I pride myself in my characters and the interractions between them. Anyway, so I went and googled the subject. Got a couple pretty good articles, but they're all about romance stories, and we have no intention of going the romantic path. So what do you think makes good chemistry between two characters? And do you think it differs between genres or do the fundamentals remain the same... or both? PS. Sorry if this subject has been posted before!

Sure, I'll send you a message with their backgrounds and a few little background based drabbles I did for a couple of them, but don't worry, I don't mind if you don't stick strictly to their backgrounds. Just use what works.

LOL I asked my male friends that big question too. I probably shouldn't have asked over msn while one was at work, but he was kind enough to humour me anyway.

Oh I totally agree. It's kinda the definition of anti-climax, when you put so much effort in writing everything but the climax, isn't it? I've probably committed that anti-climax sin too many times to count, but I like to think I don't anymore. So yes, it's definitely frustrating to read.

I agree with most of the replies. But I'd like to put in my two cents anyway. I think I've read two REALLY good books in present tense. The most memorable was in 1st person POV too. In my opinion, the most important thing is what you feel most comfortable writing. For instance, if you really want to challenge yourself but you feel kinda awkward writing a 3rd POV future tense, it will read awkwardly. What I do when I'm trying to decide on tense and POV for a particular story, is I write two or three versions of the very first scene in the different options. Whatever POV/tense I had more fun writing, that's the one I go with. So what I'm saying is, anything's possible. I think you'd stand a better chance publishing if you do what you're comfortable with.

Okay, so basically the concept is... I have five characters. I spent a lot of time developing these five. A couple years maybe. But I haven't really done anything with them beyond a few failed attempts at collab fics. So the challenge is to write a fic with the characters. Any genre, any plot. M/M would be easier since they're all men but M/F could work too paired with your own characters, or some fandom. Don't have to use all of them. Rules: 1. Credit me if you use my chars. 2. Let me know you're using them. I'd love to read what you do with them! A message here, a private IM or email. Anyway works for me. Now, on to the characters! There's quite a bit to cover here so I'll try not to make it too big a read. Sebastian Sable Age: 26 Origin: small town Occupation: Informant, Birthdate: March 29th Hair: Black, shaggy, shoulder-length Eyes: pale green Height: 6'0 Build: Lean Likes: Rock & Roll, metal, knowledge, people Dislikes: Authority, being cooped up, airplanes, spiders Hobbies: roaming the streets, eavesdropping, stalking Strength: Intelligent, observant, adventurous, intuitive Weakness: Obsessive, relentless, reckless Car: Motorcycle Home: Big house with Ilario Basic info: He's OBSESSED with his destiny. He has a finely tuned intuition and he uses that to search for his path/fate. Every now and then he meets someone he feels a strong destined connection with and he befriends them. Those 'hunches' are the foundation of this group of five. --- Ilario Lovelace Age: 26 Origin: Suburbs Occupation: Vocalist in a goth rock garage band. Birthdate: May 2nd Hair: Dark auburn, straight, past jaw Eyes: Emerald green Height: 5'10" Build: lean, petite Likes: Jazz, scary movies, seafood Dislikes: stealing, pain, being wrong Hobbies: singing, dancing Strength: Brave, strong-willed, polite Weakness: promiscuous, shy, stubborn Car: Motorbike Home: Big house Basic Info: He comes off as shy and meek at first, but once someone gets to know him, he's the most feisty member of the group. He's very affectionate with friends, but he won't hesitate to bite their heads off if he thinks they're wrong. Sebastian chose Ilario for his strong will and outspoken-ness (is that a word?) --- Monte Kaspian Age: 28 Origin: Cau(war-torn country) Occupation: Bartender (Was a Soldier before he immigrated) Birthdate: Unknown Hair: Blond, UBER long, straight Eyes: Grey Height: 6'2" Build: Lean, toned, powerful Likes: comedy, jazz, beaches Dislikes: war, fighting, threats, sedatives Hobbies: cleaning Strength: Mature, trained in combat, intimidating Weakness: anti-social, judgmental, suspicious Car: Motorbike 1. Home: Big house with Ilario Basic info: He's highly superstitious and religious. He believes whole-heartedly in Sebastian's destiny, but Monte's still a soldier at heart, so he comes off as cold and aggressive. He loves Ilario, but not a sexual love, because Ilario was the first person in the new country to stand up to him without any fear. --- Locke Manning Age: 26 Origin: small town Occupation: Hacker Birthdate: October 09th Hair: short, thick, brown Eyes: brown Height: 5'11" Build: scrawny as fuck Likes: computers, games, cell phones, poptarts Dislikes: cops, yuppies, rules Hobbies: gaming, fixing things Strength: intelligent, quick learner Weakness: Sarcastic, awkward, disorganised Car: motorbike Home: cramped apartment with Cole Basic info: He's Seb's second in command and confidante. Only reason he doesn't live with Seb is because Seb can't stand the mess he makes. He's stood by Seb through thick and thin, and has every intention of being on the sidelines through all that destiny business. --- Cole Blasco Age: 28 Origin: Small Town Occupation: Tattoo artist Birthdate: February 03rd Hair: Black, long, curly Eyes: Blue Height: 6'5" Build: strong, beefcake Likes: Bikes, Piercings, speed, kittens Dislikes: glam rock, spiders, jeeps, busy streets, lite beer Hobbies: Drawing, driving Strength: loyal, considerate Weakness: Insecure, cocky, stubborn Car: Motor bike Home: Cramped apartment with Locke. Basic info: He and Sebastian don't get along. He's only in the group because he got into Locke's good graces. He has a major crush on Ilario. That's really all the basics, but if you want more info, I have a couple paragraphs for each character detailing their life before the group. And for some of them, (Monte, Ilario, and Cole) there are short drabbles that take place in their past. All that's available upon request.

Heroes can be naughty sometimes too. I don't know, I think there's still room before Ninja's written into a corner.

On that note, maybe blackmailing the blackmailer? Turning the tables on them.

It's hard to say without knowing the context. Daye's suggestion seems fairly good, though I can't beat it. If I wanted to emphasize that the eye patch was gone, I might have used a descriptive action involving the eye. Like have him touch the bare area, or someone else touch it, or describe the eyepatch being dropped to the floor/table/pocket/etc. Sorry I couldn't be more help.

I think it can be very tricky to have an OC keep showing up in multiple fanfictions. Not impossible, just tricky. A few people would say that would make it mary sue, yeah, but it really depends on the character itself, and how she interacts with the canon crew. If everyone she comes across in every fic she's thrown into wants to bang her, that might be a problem. I've been out of fandoms for awhile, but from what I can tell, fandomers are a lot more picky about OCs nowadays. It'd probably be best to be extra careful in not making her stickout any more - maybe even less - than canon characters. But if she's a main char, that might be hard. I'd tread lightly if I were you, but don't get discouraged. You can get away with a lot when it comes to oneshots!