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  2. Melrick
    45201
  3.    Ghost-of-a-Chance reacted to a reply to a status update: Would anyone be up for a second opinion on a single chapter of a work in progress? I
  4. Today
  5.    BronxWench reacted to a status update: Would anyone be up for a second opinion on a single chapter of a work in progress? I
  6. Ghost-of-a-Chance

    Would anyone be up for a second opinion on a single chapter of a work in progress? I don’t really need any editing. (…unless someone notices a missing word or comma both I AND my editing app missed.) I asked on Reddit and got a reply, but they ghosted me. Ghosting someone who goes by “Ghost” is a bit on the nose, but whatever. It was a dick move.

    To put this as simply and briefly as possible, my brain got fried with the packing, moving, and all that entailed. I had no time to write. Now that I have time, my brain is struggling to switch back to non-crisis mode—the storms and renovations aren’t helping—and focus. It’s stuck in a hamster wheel of “so tired/gotta keep working/where’s the box tape/shit, is that bug something to worry about/fuck, my ass hurts, why do I hurt so much,” and so forth. My writing muscles are atrophied to noodles and I’m struggling to get sentences out. I’m not really happy with the second half of my most recent work, the flow, or the pacing. It’s been well over a year since I updated the story, and I won’t even get started on the delay my others are experiencing. If anyone can help, I’d appreciate it more than my fried brain can express.

    This can be a one-off, and I’m happy to correspond by Google Docs. The chapter has some cursing and questionable humor but nothing really dirty; the bulk of it, sans headings and notations, is just over 3,100 words, and I’ve already done what I can for editing. You shouldn’t run into any mistakes. Also, if you’ve read any of my other writing, I’m not writing any accents or using non-English language aside from a couple of words in elvish. I’m trying to keep this story simple, easy, and posted in small bites unlike my usual approach to writing. Fandom is Dragon Age: Inquisition; I’ve got the other chapters posted in the archive if anyone is morbidly curious.

    1. BronxWench

      BronxWench

      I am game to give the chapter a read, mostly because I’m in a writing drought myself and looking for ways to jump-start myself, and because Inquisition is one of my favorite games.

      (Actually, I really like Origins too, although DA:II was notable for lack of enthusiasm and effort on the part of the developers. The best part was Flemeth’s make-over, and Varric.)

      So, I can be reached by email at bronxwench@gmail.com or via bronxwench9549 (display name is BronxWench) on Discord.

    2. Ghost-of-a-Chance

      Ghost-of-a-Chance

      I hope you realize just how amazing you are, and not just for this. I’ll send you a link here soon. Thank you so much! :hug:

  7. Desiderius Price
    45200
  8. Melrick
    45199
  9. Desiderius Price
    45198
  10. Melrick
    45197
  11. Yami-Iko-Kami
    Well I was planning on releasing it by mid June but I’ve been busy dealing with a family matter so it’s going to be a little while longer.
  12. Guest

    Feminizing Ron

    Guest replied to a topic in Harry Potter

    It’s not exactly the same as either of the two examples above, but fairly close is Marriage Counseling by TheFrigidPidgeon on AO3.
  13. Yesterday
  14. CrossroadsMk2
    1 vote for business women Hi LHunt, thanks for voting. Whichever ends up winning, I'll be going for a new money / old money dynamic. Women who were excluded from high society because they didn't go to the right school or have the right surname, sick of being looked down on and now able to take their frustrations out on a member of the aristocracy. And Lara, because of her posh upbringing, will feel that serving them is beneath her, which will add to her humiliation.
  15. Guest

    Crossroadsmk2 Updates

    Guest replied to CrossroadsMk2's topic in General

    My opinion – business women. But not those rich socialite types Lara is accustomed to. Common type business women that over time was treated rather unfairly by Lara and her old staff...like when Tori went shopping for Sarah...Winston and the others when they was out and about doing the estate’s business. Now, Lara has to atone for all their rudeness and overall attitudes. These women are rich enough to be members of a country club as well, just not rich enough to own one. Mary still controls what she has to do – Lara feels it’s beneath her to be servicing lower class women. Lead the Way!
  16. Desiderius Price
    45196
  17. Melrick
    45195
  18. TheBossMan started following Casual perverion , The Pervert and The Last Uchiha and Daughters' Revenge
  19. Desiderius Price
    45194
  20. Deadman
    I may just consider it. If it were consistent across chapters I feel like it would be a choice. The fact that they corrected it in future chapter makes me think it wasn’t.
  21.    Deadman reacted to a post in a topic: Is there a policy around proper formatting?
  22. Deadman
    Sounds like a lot of fun. I’ve played in sandboxes like that in the past though not in this story specifically. No alternate realities or dimensional travel in this one. Just in the sense that the story isn’t told “correctly”.
  23.    Deadman reacted to a post in a topic: Character driven non-linear stories?
  24. Melrick
    45193
  25. Last week
  26. CrossroadsMk2
    Hi everyone, looking for some opinions. I've decided not to use the maids for the foot fetish scene. Instead I'll be using them for a fantasy gangbang scene for Lara's Onlyfans. The scene will be staged in front of the greenscreen. Lara is in a tomb and is captured by a tribe of futa goblins. Maids dressed in green body paint, loincloths, masks and strap-ons. Airtight fun ensues. For the foot fetish scene, Lara is going to be attending a rich country club as a masseuse (specifically a foot masseuse, as this group of women have a fetish for that). They recognise her and want to know why she's working there. She has to explain that she's massively in debt and all her Onlyfans money is going to pay off her loans, and she had to get a second job to support her lifestyle. Mary will be giving her instructions in an earpiece. She makes Lara tell the women that she's willing to perform extra services for more money, like using her mouth and tongue to massage their feet, and offering to give them happy endings. The women think it's hilarious that Lara has been reduced to prostituting herself for a few hundred pounds and eagerly take her up on her offer, even going so far as to offer her more money if she'll stoop even lower (masturbating herself on their feet, letting them foot-fuck her pussy and ass etc). Question - Do you think it would be better with dominant business women or bitchy arrogant footballer's wives?
  27. Desiderius Price
    45192
  28. Melrick
    45191
  29. Desiderius Price
    45190
  30. Melrick
    45189
  31. Desiderius Price
    Once the time turner gets written in, “linearity” is out the window Not that it was the first point of non-linearity, as I’ve also got some “alternate reality” creeping in too. Thus, quirks are starting to appear, like new yet old paintings showing up on the walls at Hogwarts.
  32.    Desiderius Price reacted to a post in a topic: Character driven non-linear stories?
  33.    BronxWench reacted to a post in a topic: Is there a policy around proper formatting?
  34.    BronxWench reacted to a post in a topic: Is there a policy around proper formatting?
  35.    BronxWench reacted to a reply to a status update: A very big birthday shout-out to WillowDarkling! Happy Birthday, Neko-baby!
  36. GeorgeGlass
    If the author has a forum account as well as an archive account, you could PM them. Otherwise, unless they've put an email address or something in their profile, a review might be your only recourse. If it were me, I'd be glad for someone to point out a problem like that, even in a review. Remember, the author can always delete the review if they take offense -- or after they have fixed the problem you pointed out.
  37. Deadman started following Is there a policy around proper formatting?
  38. Deadman
    This is more of an issue for me on the reader side of things. There was a story I was curious about which I kinda wanted to read but the formatting of the first couple chapters is off. I looked at some of the later chapters and they seem to fix it later but I’m a little put off by the first several chapters. Would it be considered bad of me to point this out to the author? I feel it’s probably better to do one on one but I’m not sure how to go about doing that. Rather than get a moderator or admin involved in it directly. I could write a review but that feels too public and somewhat mean.
  39. Deadman
    I guess I’ve gotten into your head? My bad.
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