Sparrow

Mortuus Orbis Discussion Thread

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Wow, this site’s been around for how long and nobody’s ever used this tab before? That’s almost impressive.

Anyway, this thread is for anyone wanting to leave thoughts or comments concerning the story I’m starting to put up on here now, Mortuus Orbis, a work I cowrote with my good friend InBrightestDay. I hope there will be some.

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Great to see it showing up here! @InBrightestDay sent me through the chapters previously and I sent ‘em some feedback, which I think they passed on. Possibly not the tangents about how there could be a fresh donut store. For anybody else looking at this I highly recommend the story! It has Best Girl, Chun Li.

I’ll get around to re-writing the feedback I sent IBD as reviews at some point.

 

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1 hour ago, JayDee said:

Great to see it showing up here! @InBrightestDay sent me through the chapters previously and I sent ‘em some feedback, which I think they passed on. Possibly not the tangents about how there could be a fresh donut store.

Er yeah, I think they just passed along the main part of it, cause this is the first I’ve heard about a donut store. What’s that about?

1 hour ago, JayDee said:

 For anybody else looking at this I highly recommend the story! It has Best Girl, Chun Li.

Yeah, though the events of the first chapter may put them off if they’re a big enough fan of her. I actually produced a sort of “director’s cut” version of this story not long after it was finished, to both make it less overtly pornographic, and to remove some of the parts I found didn’t fit so well going forward. Such as the end of this first chapter. It being the first thing written meant that when the story was finished, some three years later, what I was interested in focusing on in it had shifted a great deal. You’ll probably see what I mean as it goes on.

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1 hour ago, Sparrow said:

Er yeah, I think they just passed along the main part of it, cause this is the first I’ve heard about a donut store. What’s that about?

...donuts, mostly. Come to think of it, I don’t think I did sent the donut tangents. Possibly I decided to use it if I ever finished my Deathstalker homage.

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Yeah, though the events of the first chapter may put them off if they’re a big enough fan of her. I actually produced a sort of “director’s cut” version of this story not long after it was finished, to both make it less overtly pornographic, and to remove some of the parts I found didn’t fit so well going forward. Such as the end of this first chapter. It being the first thing written meant that when the story was finished, some three years later, what I was interested in focusing on in it had shifted a great deal. You’ll probably see what I mean as it goes on.

Awww! I liked the pornographic bits! There’s one cunnilngus bit I saw that was amazing, but I I enjoyed all the sexual stuff! As long as the great fight scenes are still in there – I fucking loved seeing Chun Li’s game moves show up! My short fom review is that the two arcs I read were great, you two oughta be pretty darn proud of your work on it.

I’ll get around to longer re-reviewing the updated chapters properly at some point, for sure. Hopefully other folks’ll look it over and review too, although it’s kinda odd on this site – some stuff you’d think would do great for reviews gets none, some gets reviews that makes you think “Wait, what the fuck? Who likes Spyro the dragon snuff?”

Edited by JayDee

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16 minutes ago, JayDee said:

Awww! I liked the pornographic bits! There’s one cunnilngus bit I saw that was amazing, but I I enjoyed all the sexual stuff! As long as the great fight scenes are still in there – I fucking loved seeing Chun Li’s game moves show up! My short fom review is that the two arcs I read were great, you two oughta be pretty darn proud of your work on it.

Not to worry, this one is the original. Figured I might as well go for the full version on here. Porn and splatter remain. 

Though when you mention cunnilngus I think you must be thinking of the second story, which I doubt will end up on here for donkey's years, assuming I think it's worth posting here at all. 

Which would be a shame if so, as I think part two is much better. 

16 minutes ago, JayDee said:

I’ll get around to longer re-reviewing the updated chapters properly at some point, for sure. Hopefully other folks’ll look it over and review too, although it’s kinda odd on this site – some stuff you’d think would do great for reviews gets none, some gets reviews that makes you think “Wait, what the fuck? Who likes Spyro the dragon snuff?”

By all means, though as I said this is the same version as IBD already showed you. The Director's Cut is just this but with some stuff taken out here and there.

 

Would like other people to review also, yeah, but given how I'm literally the very first person to use this particular tab on the forum I won't hold out much hope. 

As for Spyro... Well, looking at this story, I don't think I should judge. 

Edited by Sparrow

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1 hour ago, Sparrow said:

Not to worry, this one is the original. Figured I might as well go for the full version on here. Porn and splatter remain. 

Whoohoo!

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Though when you mention cunnilngus I think you must be thinking of the second story, which I doubt will end up on here for donkey's years, assuming I think it's worth posting here at all. 

Which would be a shame if so, as I think part two is much better. 

I hope you do post it. Even though some folks are quiet as little mice with feedback, it’s still a good story and will hopefully be read.

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Would like other people to review also, yeah, but given how I'm literally the very first person to use this particular tab on the forum I won't hold out much hope.

I wouldn’t read too much into that – The forum is set out with subforums that kind of match the breakdowns of the archive sub-domains, but wih the odd exception most folks seem to try and get away with sticking under general. For me, I just have review reply topics that are sub-domain specific rather than individual story specific. If I did it by story I’d probably have more topics under threesomes or what have you.

Edited by JayDee

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Something I didn’t ask before – had they been keeping the other woman alive because they didn’t have a replacement and this was why they raped her to death and ate her now, or ws it just coincidence that it happened when Chun Li had been captured? It did read like they had already been super rough with her so that suggests more coincidence I guess?

Uuuh, honestly, I don’t think I thought about this very hard. As I recall initially (and indeed, as I restored it for the less gnarly cut) all that’s left by the time Chun-Li arrives is gnawed bones, tats of fuchsia hair everywhere, and a ragged team rocket t-shirt that Chun-Li notices still has most of an arm in it. In this case let’s say sure, they’d been keeping her alive until they had someone new. Makes it seem like I actually planned this part of the story.

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Ending up running into someone else’s web was a pretty funny touch too – I’m not familiar with that character at all. I read a few of the Spinerette webcomics a few years ago, which kind of took the piss out of superhero and spiderman tropes (Spinerette’s web did not come from her wrists…) but didn’t know there was a similarly named actual super-character!

Yeah, as it happens, for a while @InBrightestDay thought I was making reference to this character as well, but in fact, once she reveals herself properly in a chapter or so I’m sure you’ll recognise who she is.

Though I worry we may lose some viewers between now and then; after what I thought was a good start, I’m less confident about the next three chapters. Feel like they’re kind of slow.

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4 hours ago, Sparrow said:

Uuuh, honestly, I don’t think I thought about this very hard. As I recall initially (and indeed, as I restored it for the less gnarly cut) all that’s left by the time Chun-Li arrives is gnawed bones, tats of fuchsia hair everywhere, and a ragged team rocket t-shirt that Chun-Li notices still has most of an arm in it. In this case let’s say sure, they’d been keeping her alive until they had someone new. Makes it seem like I actually planned this part of the story.

I get the feeling. I never really thought too close ‘bout stuff I wrote either. Then years later someone says “Why do the eyes glow at this bit?” and I just looked baffled. Still, does read well as if planned here!

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Yeah, as it happens, for a while @InBrightestDay thought I was making reference to this character as well, but in fact, once she reveals herself properly in a chapter or so I’m sure you’ll recognise who she is.

Though I worry we may lose some viewers between now and then; after what I thought was a good start, I’m less confident about the next three chapters. Feel like they’re kind of slow.

It’ll maybe depend on the reader – lot of folks don’t mind slower character/story building… and yeah, some’re just here for sex or violence or both. I hope they stick it out, builds to a great ending on what I read before!

Edited by JayDee

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So, super unexpected Harry Potter!

Yeah, I wonder now if I would’ve done better with someone else for this part. Originally the idea was that I wanted a male character who wouldn’t be too overpowered, and to facilitate that I had Harry be from literally the very start of the series, when he’s 11 and doesn’t know any magic. Then I realised that (and what happens to him) was too much even for me, and aged him up some. Hence why it possibly feels a bit awkward.

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Harry’s got kinda a Sir Mix-a-lot feeling going on it seems like.

Actually had to think about that one for a second to figure out what reference you were making. Not sure if that’s more distressing than the fact you made a pop-culture reference that’s older than I am or not.

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‘nother spider-named character – Is this also an “Into the Spider Verse” type fanfic? :p

You joke, but initially I had planned to introduce more Spider-people further down the line, who’d end up hooking up with Spinneret, but then realised this would be massively OOC for her, and more importantly, might make people think I’m catering to a cuckolding fetish, so I noped way out of that.

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‘Come with us if you want to live’ …a Terminator reference! Good solid couple of films. Probably for the best they never made any more sequels.

Yes, and in light of one of the characters introduced in the next chapter it really makes me wonder why I didn’t have them provide this line instead, would’ve made much more sense. Nevermind.

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Just generally so far the first three chapters have been good at introducing the characters, like the ones I know fairly well and the ones I’m way less familiar with.

Mm, we’ll have to see if you feel the same way in the next chapter, as that’s when a bunch of characters all get introduced at once. Though it might not be as bad on here, as I’m unable to use the pictures I inserted originally to illustrate what they look like.

Pity, though, I spent ages finding all of them.

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Something that’s occurred to me now – you’ve got a fairly detailed summary which tells folks about what kind of story it is but doesn’t really let them in on the fandoms that would draw in some readers. It might be worth seeing if you can cut it down to, say, half length and listing a few of the characters or sources with more major roles – your Chun Lis and so on.

Probably a good idea, though I’m unsure how to name all the characters in a way that wouldn’t give away which characters survive the story (via the ones having the biggest roles) or make people think that some characters get more screentime than they actually do. Plus, this is an ensemble piece, so in theory everyone has equal billing. You see my problem?

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AAAAAAAAAAAUUUGH!

Well, I had written quite a lot here, and then went to open another tab to check something, and in the process accidentally clicked the little x at the top of this one, closing it, and while AFF sometimes saves what I’m writing, this time it didn’t.

14f.jpg

*sigh* Alright, let me try and recreate all of it.

First off, I’m obviously way behind on getting involved in this thread, and that has to do with work.  I got back from Thanksgiving vacation, and then was promptly scheduled to work seven days in a row.  I thought I’d have time on Tuesday, but my little brother decided to come into town for Christmas early, so my mom had me helping her get a bedroom ready for him, moving furniture with her, running down to Goodwill to drop stuff off and basically spending the day running errands, and then it was back to work Wednesday, but I’m here now!

I don’t have any fascinating behind the scenes details to share about the creation of Chapter 2, as while I was heavily involved in re-writing a lot of the early parts of the story, this is the one chapter where I didn’t do that; not one word of that is mine.

Of course, since I didn’t do that...mini-review!

I really like the concept of what @Sparrow calls the eyrie (after the term for the nest of a large bird of prey).  In the story that inspired this one, I don’t think the hell flyers had any sort of communal sleeping area, but this is an idea I’ve seen in movies and pulp adventure stories going way back: the place the monster puts someone it’s not ready to eat yet.  This is also where we first meet Cindy, and this was yet another character I’d never heard of before (it’s funny, because character-wise this story contains a mix of “Oh yeah, I know them” and “who the hell…?”).  I seem to recall she’s from something Sparrow wasn’t super fond of; I think he said she was the only really good thing to come out of that story arc or something.  I really like her interactions with Chun-Li, especially

Highlight of the chapter is still Chun-Li strangling the hell flyer through the bars of her “cell”.  Something I didn’t quite realize was going on when I read Chapter 1 and saw Chun-Li hit the thing with a kikoken was that Sparrow was giving it a distinguishing feature.  By injuring it in a specific way, he made sure we could tell that one apart so we can see Chun-Li get some very satisfying payback here.

And yeah, also guilty of confusing Marvel’s Spinneret with the webcomic Spinnerette.  I’d never even read the webcomic, merely knowing about it through TV Tropes, but it was enough to cause a mixup.  Sparrow found me an online version of the comic that showed how we got the Spinneret that appears here (no spoilers, so I can’t discuss more), and I was actually rather pleased to find out there was a universe where One More Day had never happened.

Always a good thing.

On 12/6/2020 at 12:46 PM, JayDee said:

I get the feeling. I never really thought too close ‘bout stuff I wrote either. Then years later someone says “Why do the eyes glow at this bit?” and I just looked baffled. Still, does read well as if planned here!

I freaking loved JayDee’s summary of the moment I asked that question, by the way.
 

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You: Just remembered this. What’s that about?

Me: *Looking baffled and slightly scared, poking Whore of Heaven with a stick* I… don’t know.

It turned into a cool WitS moment, though, so it all worked out!

19 hours ago, Sparrow said:

Yeah, I wonder now if I would’ve done better with someone else for this part. Originally the idea was that I wanted a male character who wouldn’t be too overpowered,

To be fair, I’m blanking on other candidates for this myself, and as for keeping Harry from being too OP, we did have a readily available out.  I won’t spoil anything for anyone who doesn’t know about the source material for this story, but you may have noticed that while magic works in the Necropolis, it’s getting nerfed somewhat.  That nerfing is variable, but not random, and results in a lot of magic-based characters being significantly weaker than they ought to be (this will come up again in, I think, Chapter 8 or 9).

I did get somewhat more involved here, writing some of the new stuff inthe action scene involving Harry.  Originally, as mentioned, he would have had his natural magic, but no training, so he couldn’t really fight.  When he gained five years worth of Hogwarts schooling, he obviously gained the ability to participate, so I put in some stuff about him hitting zombies with the disarming spell, which isn’t the best thing for actually hurting them, but expelliarmus is kind of his signature move, and I don’t know if he’d learned enough to throw an incendio at any of them (also that might have just resulted in flaming zombies, sending things from bad to worse).

The other two characters, Black Widow and April, are doing pretty much the same stuff as Sparrow originally wrote for them.

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to facilitate that I had Harry be from literally the very start of the series, when he’s 11 and doesn’t know any magic. Then I realised that (and what happens to him) was too much even for me, and aged him up some. Hence why it possibly feels a bit awkward.

:lol: I can’t wait to discuss this, and my initial reaction to it, when it actually happens.

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Actually had to think about that one for a second to figure out what reference you were making. Not sure if that’s more distressing than the fact you made a pop-culture reference that’s older than I am or not.

I mean “Baby Got Back” isn’t that...*Googles*...1992.  Holy shit, that’s 28 years ago.  Man, now I feel old.

Also, Damn it, JayDee!  Now that’s stuck in my head.

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had planned to introduce more Spider-people further down the line, who’d end up hooking up with Spinneret, but then realised this would be massively OOC for her, and more importantly, might make people think I’m catering to a cuckolding fetish, so I noped way out of that.

:think:I...I can speak no more of this here.

As for why the character in the next chapter doesn’t provide the Terminator line, I always assumed the line’s use here was intended as foreshadowing.

Regarding the next chapter itself, I personally like it, though I do know things slow down for some scene-setting.  I’ll talk about it more when we get there.

Edited by InBrightestDay

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34 minutes ago, InBrightestDay said:

I seem to recall she’s from something Sparrow wasn’t super fond of; I think he said she was the only really good thing to come out of that story arc or something.

Yep, she’s from, or at least is introduced, in the run-up to the original Spider-Verse comic. Which managed the rare feat of taking a multiverse horde of spider-men/people fighting a foe that wants to eradicate them, and made it boring. The movie is much better.

37 minutes ago, InBrightestDay said:

Sparrow found me an online version of the comic that showed how we got the Spinneret that appears here (no spoilers, so I can’t discuss more), and I was actually rather pleased to find out there was a universe where One More Day had never happened.

D’you mean for the comic she’s from or for this story? Since I don’t really think it is a spoiler if so, frankly I feel like we could’ve done a better job explaining it here. I don’t think Spinneret actually tells anyone what the deal is until the sequel. I dunno, @JayDee, do you understand what the deal is with this character?

42 minutes ago, InBrightestDay said:

As for why the character in the next chapter doesn’t provide the Terminator line, I always assumed the line’s use here was intended as foreshadowing.

Yeah, nah, I’m pretty sure it’s left over from before we even decided to use the character who will be introduced in the next chapter. Pure coincidence.

 

Y’know, I’m really starting to wonder now if there isn’t some sort of cognitive thing inherent to reading something that makes you think everything you see (or think you see) in the story was put there deliberately by the author.

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21 hours ago, Sparrow said:

Yeah, I wonder now if I would’ve done better with someone else for this part. Originally the idea was that I wanted a male character who wouldn’t be too overpowered, and to facilitate that I had Harry be from literally the very start of the series, when he’s 11 and doesn’t know any magic. Then I realised that (and what happens to him) was too much even for me, and aged him up some. Hence why it possibly feels a bit awkward.

Not awkward at all! Throwing Harry into horrific situations is very very AFF and it wasn’t even written for here! Glad you aged him up tho’ – Really glad!

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Yes, and in light of one of the characters introduced in the next chapter it really makes me wonder why I didn’t have them provide this line instead, would’ve made much more sense. Nevermind.

As with InBrightestDay, when the new character showed up in the copy I saw I too figured foreshadowing!

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Probably a good idea, though I’m unsure how to name all the characters in a way that wouldn’t give away which characters survive the story (via the ones having the biggest roles) or make people think that some characters get more screentime than they actually do. Plus, this is an ensemble piece, so in theory everyone has equal billing. You see my problem?

It’s definitely a toughy – don’t get me wrong, what you have there is a perfectly fine summary! I just was thinking ways to draw in some bonus fandom-specific readers. I mean, even if one only shows up to die it can still be a valid promo – like Drew Barrymore in Scream! The ol’ Dead Star Walking cameo!

Was just something that occured to me!

1 hour ago, InBrightestDay said:

AAAAAAAAAAAUUUGH!

Well, I had written quite a lot here, and then went to open another tab to check something, and in the process accidentally clicked the little x at the top of this one, closing it, and while AFF sometimes saves what I’m writing, this time it didn’t.

 

*sigh* Alright, let me try and recreate all of it.

First off, I’m obviously way behind on getting involved in this thread, and that has to do with work.  I got back from Thanksgiving vacation, and then was promptly scheduled to work seven days in a row.  I thought I’d have time on Tuesday, but my little brother decided to come into town for Christmas early, so my mom had me helping her get a bedroom ready for him, moving furniture with her, running down to Goodwill to drop stuff off and basically spending the day running errands, and then it was back to work Wednesday, but I’m here now!

I hope ya both have good holiday times btw! Sounds like you’ve been busy as busy! Good to have work in this economy tho’

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And yeah, also guilty of confusing Marvel’s Spinneret with the webcomic Spinnerette.  I’d never even read the webcomic, merely knowing about it through TV Tropes, but it was enough to cause a mixup.  Sparrow found me an online version of the comic that showed how we got the Spinneret that appears here (no spoilers, so I can’t discuss more), and I was actually rather pleased to find out there was a universe where One More Day had never happened.

 

I recall reading they said “fuck that shit” and ignored OMD in the long running newspaper strip too!

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It turned into a cool WitS moment, though, so it all worked out!

It absolutely did!

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To be fair, I’m blanking on other candidates for this myself, and as for keeping Harry from being too OP, we did have a readily available out.  I won’t spoil anything for anyone who doesn’t know about the source material for this story, but you may have noticed that while magic works in the Necropolis, it’s getting nerfed somewhat.  That nerfing is variable, but not random, and results in a lot of magic-based characters being significantly weaker than they ought to be (this will come up again in, I think, Chapter 8 or 9).

I say Harry works fine! Y’all did good.

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I did get somewhat more involved here, writing some of the new stuff inthe action scene involving Harry.  Originally, as mentioned, he would have had his natural magic, but no training, so he couldn’t really fight.  When he gained five years worth of Hogwarts schooling, he obviously gained the ability to participate, so I put in some stuff about him hitting zombies with the disarming spell, which isn’t the best thing for actually hurting them, but expelliarmus is kind of his signature move, and I don’t know if he’d learned enough to throw an incendio at any of them (also that might have just resulted in flaming zombies, sending things from bad to worse).

It’s a good scene! Lighting zombies on fire is often a mistake if they aren’t some kind of fast burning type, so, yeah. And I dunno that his Patronus’d do much for ‘em either. They’d probably try an’ fuck it.

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I mean “Baby Got Back” isn’t that...*Googles*...1992.  Holy shit, that’s 28 years ago.  Man, now I feel old.

Also, Damn it, JayDee!  Now that’s stuck in my head.

Harry wants to slytherin dat ass. Ok, I’ll stop now.

1 hour ago, Sparrow said:

 I dunno, @JayDee, do you understand what the deal is with this character?

I figured Marvel wanted another yet spider character and didn’t like people constantly calling for “Madame Webb, but sexier. No… no that’s too sexy.”

...I may be a little out of the loop tho. I haven’t got to read as many comics the last few years.

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Yeah, nah, I’m pretty sure it’s left over from before we even decided to use the character who will be introduced in the next chapter. Pure coincidence.

 

Y’know, I’m really starting to wonder now if there isn’t some sort of cognitive thing inherent to reading something that makes you think everything you see (or think you see) in the story was put there deliberately by the author.

Haha, awesome that it was unintentional! Heck, maybe even having that line in brought the next character to mind. I just tend to assume all you authors are cunningly constructing asskicking stories with every single thread ultimately tied up, while I always just kinda smashed my face into the keyboard and went “BLUB BLUB BLUB”

Looking forward to re-reading part 4!

Edited by JayDee

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1 hour ago, Sparrow said:

You know @JayDee, you’re the first person who’s read this story, including IBD, I think, who’s actually noticed that. Or at least has mentioned it to me.

 

I haven’t played the more recent Street Fighters so I don’t know if it made it into ‘em, but I bet anybody who played the old Street Fighter II and variants’d remember it and make the connection! I had a good nostalgic blast on SNES Mini when it came out – Those early voice samples were something else. Half the time I thought it was announcing “CHIP PAN!” instead of Japan.

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5 minutes ago, JayDee said:

I haven’t played the more recent Street Fighters so I don’t know if it made it into ‘em, but I bet anybody who played the old Street Fighter II and variants’d remember it and make the connection! I had a good nostalgic blast on SNES Mini when it came out – Those early voice samples were something else. Half the time I thought it was announcing “CHIP PAN!” instead of Japan.

I never played any of them, don’t have the reflexes even for fighting games that came out after I was born, but that was the hope. In fact now that I think about it the only material I consumed concerning Chun-Li here was part of the animated movie this incarnation she’s supposed to be from (I had IBD watch it to completion but I got bored and wandered off before the halfway mark, though I did come back for the part where you see Chun-Li in the shower and then she has the awesome fight scene with Vega) as well as osmosis and idle research over the years.

D’you think she came out okay? In-character and that? The others too, for that matter, since that was a big concern of mine.

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I don’t really have the reflexes these days, 12 year old me wasn’t too shabby tho’

I think she came out fine – the versions I know best are the old very two dimensional bios from the early Street Fighter IIs and also the live action movie version that was somewhat different physically, but still managed to give Bison a bit of a kicking. She’s a heroic type who fights hard, but you also have her dealing with trauma rather than it just “got brutalised, moving strraight on,”

As for a lot of the others I either don’t know ‘em too well/at all, or haven’t seem stuff with them for ages. For Kyle, he seems like how he’d be, moving from one shitty fucking dystopian hellscape of hunter killers to another one, Bathory from Bloodrayne seems like a pretty unpleasant Nazi, although obviously hiding it , from the stuff we see. Ya really expanded well on what I remember of her in Bloodrayne.

I’ve enjoyed both arcs so far!

Edit: Without spoilers, one of the arc  2 characters seems kinda different to how he does in game, but that’s probably explainable by the game version being a computer program of a dead guy, while the one in the story is pre-death and lacking access to nukes for when someone messes with a girl he likes. On the other hand I think I managed to identify two new ones before they’d even been named when they were first shown!

Edited by JayDee

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1 hour ago, JayDee said:

one of the arc  2 characters seems kinda different to how he does in game, but that’s probably explainable by the game version being a computer program of a dead guy, while the one in the story is pre-death and lacking access to nukes for when someone messes with a girl he likes.

Spoiler

 

That’ll be Johnny, then. I think that was because A, we came up with and wrote everything for him before 2077 even came out, and B, I wasn’t trying to craft him after what we had from the promo materials for 2077, but rather what we had access to from Cyberpunk 2020, the original RPG. Do remember thinking since that 2077 Johnny seems like much more of a dick than the image I formed of him from 2020, based on what I’ve seen of it (not gonna buy it myself until it’s less buggy).

Not gonna lie, digging up a load of RPG books older than I am to bring the character to life was super fun, and indeed we had so much fun with Johnny that he was probably why part 2 was so much bigger than the first.

 

Who were the two you managed to identify before they were named, then?

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Chapter 7 comments I sent to IBD included “Nina from Tekken! Bones from Star Trek! and… Vi from LoL maybe?” and IBD came back and said I got ‘em right, so that was obviously good enough info/character from what you guys had there. I mean,  Nina was named I think but I identified which Nina!

Spoiler’d it ‘cos character spoilers.

The old tabletop game does sound like it woulda been fun.

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This is the kind of city where he might get covered in peanut butter and chocolate before being dismembered and eaten, just ‘cos [unnamed here evil force behind it all] fancied some Reece’s Pieces…

Wow, you really had to work for that one, didn’t you, @JayDee?

 

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Also, Chun Li getting in close and smacking it into the room with the ol’ game-like energy blast was another good image! Basically whenever Chun Li does something I recognise from one of the games I go full fanmode reaction!

Yeah, that one was IBD’s idea, and a good one too. Though it does occur to me now that I never actually figured out an explanation for how Chun-Li can do that within the logic of the story. Nor do any of the other characters react to it. Shame, would’ve been fun for Kyle to jump out of his skin when Chun-Li does it here.

 

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One point I liked was the Predator realising what type of critter it actually was, and knowing fear, but also realising that since the humans were having a good scrap with it he couldn’t just quit and run

I couldn’t put it in here cause the site is too ancient to support actual images, but in the original version of this (where all the characters were accompanied by a picture or illustration of what they were supposed to look like, as well as a few others) it was accompanied by this picture by artist spaghettibastard that I thought did a good job of getting across the atavistic terror Night Eyes experiences at this moment, seeing this thing. 

 

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43 minutes ago, Sparrow said:

Wow, you really had to work for that one, didn’t you, @JayDee?

If I can’t finish stories anymore at least I can still do over-labored garbage jokes!

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Yeah, that one was IBD’s idea, and a good one too. Though it does occur to me now that I never actually figured out an explanation for how Chun-Li can do that within the logic of the story. Nor do any of the other characters react to it. Shame, would’ve been fun for Kyle to jump out of his skin when Chun-Li does it here.

There was a lot of distracting stuff going on at the time, so it’s easy for us readers to assume any discussion about it happened ‘off camera’ while the in-room scrap was happening. Still, I suppose it could have had a call back later, like Kyle getting a hand job and then remembering the energy blasted from those hands.

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I couldn’t put it in here cause the site is too ancient to support actual images, but in the original version of this (where all the characters were accompanied by a picture or illustration of what they were supposed to look like, as well as a few others) it was accompanied by this picture by artist spaghettibastard that I thought did a good job of getting across the atavistic terror Night Eyes experiences at this moment, seeing this thing. 

Hey! We had websites with images in 2003! Ain’t that long ago. Kinda slow, for the folks still on 56k or less dial up, but they were there! I think AFF just doesn’t support direct linking to avoid all the dead link issues. That is some pretty darn creepy art.

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20 hours ago, JayDee said:

Still, I suppose it could have had a call back later, like Kyle getting a hand job and then remembering the energy blasted from those hands.

I recall wanting to fit a bit into Bunkerkampf at one point where Kyle goes to her ‘So, I always wondered, how do you do that thing with shooting fire out of your hands’ only to then realise that I don’t know how she’s supposed to do it either.

20 hours ago, JayDee said:

Hey! We had websites with images in 2003! Ain’t that long ago.

To me it is, I was only a little kid then.

20 hours ago, JayDee said:

That is some pretty darn creepy art.

That it is. The guy does some amazing work.

Now that I think about it, I wonder if it’d be worth bunging the imgur collection I keep all the character art in here? Unsure if enough people even bother coming here for it to be worthwhile, though. What do you think?

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On 2/23/2021 at 12:41 PM, Sparrow said:

Wow, you really had to work for that one, didn’t you, @JayDee?

 

 Though it does occur to me now that I never actually figured out an explanation for how Chun-Li can do that within the logic of the story. Nor do any of the other characters react to it. Shame, would’ve been fun for Kyle to jump out of his skin when Chun-Li does it here.

 

Chun-Li manipulates Ki as do almost all street fighters. Which is to say Kikoken is using the ambient life energy around and her own to form the projectile.

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