Sparrow

Mortuus Orbis Discussion Thread

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Wow, this site’s been around for how long and nobody’s ever used this tab before? That’s almost impressive.

Anyway, this thread is for anyone wanting to leave thoughts or comments concerning the story I’m starting to put up on here now, Mortuus Orbis, a work I cowrote with my good friend InBrightestDay. I hope there will be some.

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Great to see it showing up here! @InBrightestDay sent me through the chapters previously and I sent ‘em some feedback, which I think they passed on. Possibly not the tangents about how there could be a fresh donut store. For anybody else looking at this I highly recommend the story! It has Best Girl, Chun Li.

I’ll get around to re-writing the feedback I sent IBD as reviews at some point.

 

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1 hour ago, JayDee said:

Great to see it showing up here! @InBrightestDay sent me through the chapters previously and I sent ‘em some feedback, which I think they passed on. Possibly not the tangents about how there could be a fresh donut store.

Er yeah, I think they just passed along the main part of it, cause this is the first I’ve heard about a donut store. What’s that about?

1 hour ago, JayDee said:

 For anybody else looking at this I highly recommend the story! It has Best Girl, Chun Li.

Yeah, though the events of the first chapter may put them off if they’re a big enough fan of her. I actually produced a sort of “director’s cut” version of this story not long after it was finished, to both make it less overtly pornographic, and to remove some of the parts I found didn’t fit so well going forward. Such as the end of this first chapter. It being the first thing written meant that when the story was finished, some three years later, what I was interested in focusing on in it had shifted a great deal. You’ll probably see what I mean as it goes on.

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1 hour ago, Sparrow said:

Er yeah, I think they just passed along the main part of it, cause this is the first I’ve heard about a donut store. What’s that about?

...donuts, mostly. Come to think of it, I don’t think I did sent the donut tangents. Possibly I decided to use it if I ever finished my Deathstalker homage.

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Yeah, though the events of the first chapter may put them off if they’re a big enough fan of her. I actually produced a sort of “director’s cut” version of this story not long after it was finished, to both make it less overtly pornographic, and to remove some of the parts I found didn’t fit so well going forward. Such as the end of this first chapter. It being the first thing written meant that when the story was finished, some three years later, what I was interested in focusing on in it had shifted a great deal. You’ll probably see what I mean as it goes on.

Awww! I liked the pornographic bits! There’s one cunnilngus bit I saw that was amazing, but I I enjoyed all the sexual stuff! As long as the great fight scenes are still in there – I fucking loved seeing Chun Li’s game moves show up! My short fom review is that the two arcs I read were great, you two oughta be pretty darn proud of your work on it.

I’ll get around to longer re-reviewing the updated chapters properly at some point, for sure. Hopefully other folks’ll look it over and review too, although it’s kinda odd on this site – some stuff you’d think would do great for reviews gets none, some gets reviews that makes you think “Wait, what the fuck? Who likes Spyro the dragon snuff?”

Edited by JayDee

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16 minutes ago, JayDee said:

Awww! I liked the pornographic bits! There’s one cunnilngus bit I saw that was amazing, but I I enjoyed all the sexual stuff! As long as the great fight scenes are still in there – I fucking loved seeing Chun Li’s game moves show up! My short fom review is that the two arcs I read were great, you two oughta be pretty darn proud of your work on it.

Not to worry, this one is the original. Figured I might as well go for the full version on here. Porn and splatter remain. 

Though when you mention cunnilngus I think you must be thinking of the second story, which I doubt will end up on here for donkey's years, assuming I think it's worth posting here at all. 

Which would be a shame if so, as I think part two is much better. 

16 minutes ago, JayDee said:

I’ll get around to longer re-reviewing the updated chapters properly at some point, for sure. Hopefully other folks’ll look it over and review too, although it’s kinda odd on this site – some stuff you’d think would do great for reviews gets none, some gets reviews that makes you think “Wait, what the fuck? Who likes Spyro the dragon snuff?”

By all means, though as I said this is the same version as IBD already showed you. The Director's Cut is just this but with some stuff taken out here and there.

 

Would like other people to review also, yeah, but given how I'm literally the very first person to use this particular tab on the forum I won't hold out much hope. 

As for Spyro... Well, looking at this story, I don't think I should judge. 

Edited by Sparrow

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1 hour ago, Sparrow said:

Not to worry, this one is the original. Figured I might as well go for the full version on here. Porn and splatter remain. 

Whoohoo!

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Though when you mention cunnilngus I think you must be thinking of the second story, which I doubt will end up on here for donkey's years, assuming I think it's worth posting here at all. 

Which would be a shame if so, as I think part two is much better. 

I hope you do post it. Even though some folks are quiet as little mice with feedback, it’s still a good story and will hopefully be read.

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Would like other people to review also, yeah, but given how I'm literally the very first person to use this particular tab on the forum I won't hold out much hope.

I wouldn’t read too much into that – The forum is set out with subforums that kind of match the breakdowns of the archive sub-domains, but wih the odd exception most folks seem to try and get away with sticking under general. For me, I just have review reply topics that are sub-domain specific rather than individual story specific. If I did it by story I’d probably have more topics under threesomes or what have you.

Edited by JayDee

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