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Sinfulwolf

SinfulWolf's Review Responses

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This is my little den to share my thanks for those words shared on my work. Thank you to any who should leave a few words. 

The stories so far that I’ll reply to is my newer works since reactivating my account. My older stuff… well they’re there as relics mostly.

Blood and Lace: http://original.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600109054

Closing Time: http://original.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600109070

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Two reviews. Since I just opened this topic… but they are quite new.

The first, from JayDee

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I just skipped down the front page of originals for something to catch my eye. I like a nice bit of FF from time to time. I liked the introduction to the characters and there's a nice bar atmosphere with Sarah as the experienced bartender and Lili the mysterious stranger. I like how go from looks and brief words into kissing. Nice bit of urgency.  And then, Bam! Really hot oral sex, nicely descriptive fingering and a bit of spooning for the morning. Not a thing I didn’t like about this one.

 

I did spot some typos in case you like to know that sort of thing – they don’t detract from it, but since I saw them I mention ‘em.

In the author's note "fiarly" for "fairly" and "home" for "hope".

"slime white bandage" meant to be slim? I wasn’t sure with this one was slime white might be a time of bandage color for all I know.

“small plastic bad” for bag

"I hope your staying the night," for "you're"

Also, “The dice was cast” I was going to be anal, and say dice is plural and die is singular, but I double checked and apparently dice is now also used as singular so that’s me told. Words change and evolve all the time. And

Glad my description was eye catching enough. That’s part of the battle right? Heh. So glad you enjoyed the little journey in a steamy affair that started with just a drink.

The spelling errors I went and fixed. Thank you for pointing those out. Though I feel like something got cut off here...

 

The second review is from TCR!

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Okay, so, first off, I love the descriptions.  There’s enough to create the environment and the atmosphere without overwhelming or confusing the audience.  It was the Goldilocks amount (‘just right’...  And I might be the only one who uses that...)...  

I enjoyed the interactions between Sarah and Lili (although now I really want to see the fight that led to this...) and it kept me quite interested in getting to know them.  I really liked the change from Sarah getting Lili to look, to offering help (and consequently all but stripping her), to full blown (quite possibly mind blowing) fun times.  It was well done and didn’t feel forced, which is a good thing all round.  

There were a few spelling issues, but (as I do to avoid repetition), after looking at the other review, JayDee’s pointed out the ones I found within, so I need not repeat them.  I will say that, while ‘dice’ can be used singularly, it really felt odd reading it like that (but that’s a personal thing, so...).

All in all, this was well done.

Excellent! It was fun writing this, and for a story that only focuses on two people, their interactions have to be entertaining at the least. Otherwise the whole thing crumbles so I’m glad you enjoyed that, and then the smutty bits of course. I did fix the dice thing to make it more clear that I wanted it plural. Some poor word choice on my part, and as noted, I fixed the spelling mistakes. 

As to the fight… well I want to work more on my other stories before I go exploring what Lili does, and who she is.

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10 hours ago, Sinfulwolf said:

The first, from JayDee

Glad my description was eye catching enough. That’s part of the battle right? Heh. So glad you enjoyed the little journey in a steamy affair that started with just a drink.

The spelling errors I went and fixed. Thank you for pointing those out. Though I feel like something got cut off here... 

 

Well that’s weird. There’s space at the bottom of the review and there’s an and but it sure does cut off. Only thing I can think of is maybe I accidentally highlighted/deleted part of the line without noticing. I can no longer recall what the point I had was. Possibly some sort of joke about dice, knowing me. Good story, tho’ and I enjoyed it.

I managed my own word mix up too “ might be a time of bandage color” for type. Well, oops. But it wasn’t criticism it was just pointing out to help!

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A review for “Closing Time” by Clover Reef. Or Plague Clover… depending whether yer reading her library, or chatting with her.

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Okay so, I just want to say right off the bat that it's really hard for me to NOT edit when I read. I've been a dedicated beta for way too many years lol. 

This was a good little story. I have a feeling its connected to a bigger one. I mean there's gotta be a more detailed explanation for Lili's wounds and her thoughts at the end there. It's intriguing. The characters are endlessly fascinating and kept me wanting to know more about them, and most importantly for a oneshot like this, it was HOT. 

Here's the critique part of this review: I typically try to avoid putting this into reviews, but from what little I know about you, you seem like the kind of writer who appreciates this kinda feedback. I would like to stress to readers who check reviews first, that I am focusing on the technical because everything else was awesome. Definitely worth the read. (Don't forget to review too, guys, wink wink.)

Anyway, feel free to skip this part if you want:

I have two specific issues I'd like to point out. Three if you count a brief note that there were a few typos peppered throughout still. First, at the beginning, sentence length is a bit of a problem. Most of the sentences are on the medium-long side and of similar structure, so your rhythm starts off droning a little. That clears up later into the story, but for the first 500 words or so, I'd suggest varying length and structure a little more. The second issue is the word 'though'. In this oneshot, it's used around 7 times, and 5 of those times were unnecessary and a tad awkward/distracting. Just something to keep in mind in your adventures in editing. 

All that said, I enjoyed it. It's been a while since I've read an f/f sex scene outside of betaing for TCR. And for the record, Lili sounds super hot. I don't blame Sarah for a hot minute for throwing caution to the wind and totally ignoring the whole injured thing to get her rocks off with the woman. Scottish accents help too. 

I can imagine the editing thing indeed. I’m glad you enjoyed the story overall, and that it was indeed HOT! As for the setting and characters… totally made them up on the spot for this one particular one shot. However, I do have a broader setting and a backstory for the world at large and Lili herself. Will I eventually put this down into a proper tale… maybe. I want to finish Blood and Lace first.

As for the critique part. Please, let me have it. I’ve been a bad girl with them spelling mistakes and overlong sentence structure. The lengthy sentences is something I need to harp on myself more to be honest (almost typed “though” :P). Prevent that droning sensation from happening. As for the second point… I’m usually so hard on myself for ensuring that different words are used. Must have slipped in this one. Alas, and alack. Thanks for the points!

And yes… Scottish accents always help.

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Oh well in that case, let’s talk about them pesky participle clauses! No, I’m kidding. I’m impressed that you made them up on the spot and managed to make it feel like there’s so much to her. That was well done. 

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I was inspired by a picture. Basically the scene on the couch. And this idea just burst into my head. I knew I didn’t have the time to really write out a full story, so I decided on smutty one shot.

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Two reviews for my Krampus story! Woo!

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From tcr on December 26, 2018

Well...  That was...  interesting.  I can definitely see the ties to Blood and Lace and could even see the character of Lea coming in (if she hasn't already  (I'm quite behind)).  This could also be a spinoff, which would be cool, too.  

I liked the character of Lea, too.  As always, you did a good job writing her and characterizing her going through the transformative experience of kidnap victim to...  assistant?  Tortured elf?  Stockholm syndrome sex slave?  Mrs. Krampus?

This was a good, dark Christmas, but that was to be expected with Krampus involved.  Another great entry from you.

The only reason I don’t have it listed as complete is in case I ever want to return and play with Lea some more. The connections to Blood and Lace itself are pretty minimal, but I certainly felt that the setting opens up a lot of possibilities for fun. Thank you kindly for the review! 

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From BronxWench on December 28, 2018
 

Wow! When you decide to invite Krampus, you don't hold back, do you?

This was wonderful. I actually found myself sympathizing with Krampus--it's hard to punish someone who loves the punishment, and Lea certainly enjoyed everything Krampus had to offer. It's equally hard to be fearsome when your current victim isn't really very afraid.

But I did love the ambiguity about Krampus' sexuality as well, the hints that he might have only done what he did because he had to, and not for enjoyment. I do wonder if that will change, now--Lea seems well suited to him!

Thank you--this was delicious!

I really don’t like to hold much back with anything I have slapped the “Blood and Lace” setting over. Suits the darker themes of the world as a whole really. 

But writing the Krampus was certainly fun. I looked through a bunch of the lore, but at the same time tried to think of how something like that might actually be. So he was fun to write, without letting too many of his motives shine through. And that you sympathized with him, well… that’s a feat I’ll claim happily.

Your welcome for the tale, but thank you very much for the review. Very glad you enjoyed it!

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A new review for Blood and Lace, and it’s a thick one: 

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 from TCR

Chapter 2:

First off, my apologies for taking so long to review.

I loved the interactions between Sam and Kris, again.  Without any words for much of it, there was still the great connection and love (I think I’m repeating myself from the original review), but it’s continued here.  Your wording gets it all across without the use of vocal announcements and I think that is absolutely wonderful. Your words express exactly what is needed to be conveyed and you have astute choices in vocabulary that is concise.

Not to mention, Kris’ coming realization that the changes go further than she believes (ie “fantasy is just that, what about reality”) is a jump forward for the character and as time goes along, I wonder just what new and different fetishes appear for her and, as she thinks to herself, how far will she go?

As we get to their conversation, I find that it shows even more how deeply they care about one another.  With Sam reading into it, it shows that she wants to know, and I definitely approve of that. I know that you’ve said you’re not really one for dialogue, that it doesn’t really come easily to you, but I find their vocal interactions quite well done here.  I think you’re selling yourself short. There were a few lines of dialogue that, to me, seemed a little stinted, but that might just as easily have been the way I was reading them, so I will not go too far into detail. If you wish, we can discuss it at some other point in time.

And then we get to Mia.

The way you start her side, it was an interesting look.  It was obvious from the previous chapter that none of the four got out unscathed, but Mia seems to be taking it worse than Kris, as though her final transformation, so to speak, is not complete or that she hasn’t truly accepted it - despite her claims to the contrary.  While you have written many other chapters by now, this could be a good way to investigate and it would be awesome to see a… failure in terms of the transformation (so to speak). Perhaps you have, perhaps not (it is your story after all). Judging by the fact that you have her state that she’s trying to be no different than anyone else, perhaps there is more in her psyche than you’re letting on.

And the introduction of the shadows in all their glory.  Very bloody creepy and well executed. Are these going to be the antagonists of the story?  Allies? Neutral parties intent on mass slaughter while your protagonists go around? So many questions, I’d love to see the answers.  And I’d love to see them continue their creepiness factor dialled up to eleven!

Mia’s sex scene was appropriately disturbing and hot at the same time, exceptionally full of kink, enough of all to keep people entertained.  I believe I mentioned it in the previous (if I didn’t, bad me), but your descriptions within sex are remarkably detailed, sexy, and intriguing.  Little things that you add in their, tiny descriptions, provide the full picture. I applaud you.

With Rasha, you started it quite interesting in that you made her think about stuff that any normal person would, then reverted to the fact that she wasn’t normal, which is a good choice.  It grounds your story and I like that. I feel sorry for her, though, despite everything. I can imagine that this is a very real possibility when it comes down to it and it’s obvious that she’s got a problem.  But, again, you show this quite well. Your word choices, as is the norm and oft repeated, are well done and the dialogue is, again, done well. It is written in such a way that it is quite disturbing the ease that Rasha slides into the new role at Lucky’s and disturbing the quick descent she fell (even with the ‘assistance’ of the succubus…).

(My apologies, this is becoming an exceptionally long review…)

There’s not much I can say about Derek’s segment that I haven’t said previously.  Wording is done well, dialogue is good. The only thing I’ll add is that the tension and buildup to the end of the chapter is also done excellent.  It’s a great finale to the chapter and I can’t deny, I want to read on to find out exactly what he needed to call Kris (in a nice call-back to the beginning of the chapter).

All in all, well done.

Firstly thank you much for the review. Especially such a long one, and never need to apologize for reading, and especially not for leaving feedback. 

First, I’m glad that Kris and Sam’s relationship seems good, and their dialogue natural.  Dialogue is certainly an area I have some doubts in my abilities, especially in making it sound natural. As you noted that some of it seemed just a bit stinted. I think I may have been having an issue with trying too hard to push forward what I needed to happen next instead of letting these two breathe just a bit more and help really nail down how they feel about each other. Certainly something to work on in the future. Would certainly like to discuss what you felt was stinted.

As to Sam looking things up, I thought that would be an interesting way to kill two birds with one stone. A) A little bit of exposition, but also B) Show Sam’s willingness to invest in the relationship, despite not having signed up for demonic corruption.

Moving on to Mia’s scene well… hard to give much away about what’s going on in her mind without spoiling anything. Looking back there’s certainly some roads I could have pushed down instead of what I did. But we shall see how it turns out no? Glad you liked the shadowy creatures. There is certainly more to come. No answers to them for now. 

I did try to make the scene hot and disturbing at once. There’s a few times I gun for that.

Rasha… at this point in the story Rasha’s personal tale is turning out to be a bit of tragedy. The spiral keep’s descending.

Derek, well… same replies. Thank ye kindly. As to what he’s calling for. You’ll see.

 

 

 

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Bit behind. Got a few reviews from TCR on Blood and Lace.

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Chapter 3:

Assuming by “they” at the beginning, it is referring to Sam and Kris?  I like the description of Port Kent; written well and concise enough to paint the picture.

The line “Let herself be drawn into she reminded herself”, I believe a comma should be between into and she; personal note, as it seems she's thinking it, I'd put it in Italics so as to differentiate thoughts from prose.

This paragraph “Eventually though she continued forward, though Kris couldn't help but notice a slight exaggeration to the sway of her hips. It was far too tempting to get up and grasp her rear presented as it was, but Kris held back, looking out the window when Courtney vanished from sight.” reads kind of awkward to me.  Perhaps breaking the sentences into a more varied lengths might help ease it

This line: “Your good ma'am," she said, and Kris smiled, leaning in to let her lips ever so softly brush over Courtney's, before pulling away, Courtney following for a moment before she realized what was happening and stopped.” a few problems: Your should be You're; comma between good and ma'am; should break the paragraph at said and make it active.  For example: Kris smiled and leaned to let her lips ever so softly brush over Courtney's before pulling away. The other woman (to avoid the repetitive Courtney) followed for a moment before she realized what was happening and stopped. (Just a two cent worth… although now I sound like a teacher… maybe…)

God damn…  That sex was hot…  lol. I do like how Courtney can't get Kris out of her head after too.  It's a good way to end the scene and, i suspect, expand, subtly, on Kris’ abilities

“They” actually refers to the government. Certainly should have been more specific there. I was kind of going for that ambiguous ‘they’ that people use when talking about government organizations. Glad ye liked the description though.

Aye, there should be. Though I don’t think italics are needed. That’s certainly a style thing.

Too many “thoughs” I think is the biggest issue. Missed that one.

Yeah, I fucked up with Your/You’re. The comma though I don’t think is needed. Comma’s generally mean a pause in dialogue. Didn’t want one. Yeah, used Courtney too often here. But, if you’ve not noticed, I tend to put a fair bit in after a dialogue tag. That’s the way I write, and that’s starting to really get into “proper” and “science vs. art” of writing. 

Glad ye liked the sex though, and how the scene closed out. Though, I won’t tell on what yer reading into it.

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I like how Mia's scene carries from the end; it's not a quick cut elsewhere, and not she’s looking to be in deep shit…  I do like the interactions between Rita and Mia and the latter seems to show a more confident side than previous… Could it be she's just a little more confident in a more militaristic environment?

As for Rasha…  I have no doubt T&A is exactly what people are there for…  This section: “she said, the rules simple, but when she saw the tilt of his lips, the glance to ensure the bartender was away, she knew she'd be bending those rules again.” kind of reads awkward…  A little reword and sentence structure change would be good.

Typo: “The sudden jump in his lust meant Rasha could finally sense it, the thing line connecting them.”  I believe “thin” line. Lol

Again, that was well written and highly charged sexy fun times involved.  You have quite the knack for it and an elegance in writing that does justice to the brutally disturbing realities.

And finally, Derek meeting with Kris.  I like the interactions here too. I think there's a slightly missed opportunity to further show their abilities (Or more of) and what sort of senses they have.  And the ending leaves a want for more.

Sorry it was long and I probably sound like a poor rendition of a teacher...

I really wanted to show the aftermath of the train, and that scene was just too cool in my head not to include. And it could be that, or it could be she’s just doing better getting away from her now ex. 

Holy fuck is that line awkward. But, yeah Rasha is really delivering on the T&A aspect, mostly.

Yep, thin.

Why thank you. There are aspects that certainly I wanted to be brutal.

Yeah, I focused more on the interactions here. I didn’t want to go into too much depth here though. It was mostly just to get these two back together and show how they get on. Didn’t want to play with much of their abilities cause then I can’t slowly unveil them through the following chapters.

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Another from @Tcr

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Chapter 4:

Firstly, excellent start.  Although, I do to make a point at the beginning (or maybe I missed something, but was there a window open in the room or how did the rain get inside and on her cheek.  Aside from that question (and now that I finished the section, I realize that it was supposed to imply leaking roof… That might be a good thing to push at the beginning of the section, otherwise, may confuse people)..., I like the way that you’ve established that… things happened in that room the previous night.  And the fact that, firstly, Kris finds herself attracted to men, which surprises her, then she accepts it as just another part of new self, I like that. It shows her realization and it adds to the character and the development of her succubi form.

This line: “and felt his cock rising to slide over her slit to her entrance”, it sounds a little less like your usual, lol.  Kind of reminds me of my way of trying to write sex. However, the scene itself was hot, as your usual, and definitely well written, again, as usual.  So there’s not much to really say there. You definitely know how to write the sexy scenes and keep them pretty hot, even after several already, and it’s always a…  I was going to say pleasure, but that has double entendre written all over it. Not to mention your inclusion of the subtle indications of changes into the full succubus were well placed without taking away from the actual sex going on.  Kudos there :).

One minor thing, and I noted it last time, too, but your thought dialogue, again, may want to put it to Italics, in order to differentiate between narrative prose and thoughts.  Not to mention, I’ve noticed a few missing commas between thoughts and speech tags, just something to watch out for. Or you can throw a tomato at me, that works, too.

I like the coroner scene.  It was sufficiently expositive without being overly so and contained a decent amounts of gore, description, and Kris being badass.  Two thumbs way, way up! Lol.

Thank ye. Always like to make a good impression with the chapter opening. Though, I certainly should have done more to show that the roof was leaking. A bit of confusion like that can certainly take people out of it. Though, not much happened in the room the night previously. I have gotten to the point that sometimes I just allude to the sex rather than showing, mostly because there’d  be too many sex scenes, and not enough driving of the plot. I know this is a smutty story but it’s still a story first. In hindsight I think I could have done more with Kris’s realization.

Eh, parts I wanted to sound somewhat awkward. A little less super hot and more stumbly. How well I succeeded, I dunno. Though at the end of the day, most of the scene should be sexy. And I’m glad it was.

I’ll watch the commas, but I’ll keep sticking away from italics. It kind of hampers my style of perspective.

I really liked that scene, was fun to write. Glad you enjoyed it.

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“Fancy a screw?” ← I laughed my ass off with that line, especially since she said it to a priest.  Excellent line. And you say you’re not good with dialogue?

The conversation between Mia’s ‘superior’ (using the term loosely, as she does) and Mia was good.  It provided the exposition and a little more background (such as what group, clan, sect had turned her), but also didn’t carry on too long.  And at the end, we see that Mia has changed from how she was originally introduced, a little less subtly, but still interestingly written and done.  I was wondering how long it would be before Mia started exhibiting changes to her personality, even as she was seemingly fighting it in the previous chapter.  Well done.

I have my moments certainly, lol.

I did like how that turned out. Though, I think the biggest change for Mia is being back in a sort of comfort zone, and away from her ex. She’s got a task to focus on now, instead of being left to wallow.

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Rasha is bad to her own side of the story.  I like the way you’re presenting her. Even though she is still motivated and fed by sexual lust and desire, you’ve gone about (and I assume remember that) lust and desire is more than just sex.  With Rasha, you’ve presented the desire in the need to feed sexually, but also in her want, her desire, for her drug habit. I applaud you for that. I haven’t seen too many that show that side of the equation, many centering squarely on the ‘bang me, fuck me, that’s all demons of desire are”).  So, kudoes there, as well. And another thumbs up… By the time this is done, I’ll probably have surgically added a few dozen thumbs… Not sure where I’d get them all.

The ending of Rasha’s scene really leaves it up in the air…  What sort of craziness do you have in mind? Is Rasha going to go blood crazy (no puns intended) and mass murder everyone within?  Is she going to bang their brains out?

The Derek scene seemed to be pretty quick wrapped up at the end of the Chapter and I think it might have been better going onto the start of the next chapter or being expanded upon.  I believe we talked about this for a bit about how Derek seems to be the weaker of the four MCs you have, so this little scene could have expanded out his character quite a bit more, but since I’ve taken forever and year to review, you may well have done so as time goes along with the story.

All in all, the story continues to keep me interested and I’m glad I have some time now to read it through.  Keep up the great writing and well done characters.

On a side note, I feel like I keep writing newspaper articles for your chapters...

Rasha is the most difficult to write, mostly due to the addictions she’s bringing upon herself. It does feed into lust being more than sex, but it’s also her human element, trying to deal with what she’s seen and done while in Hell. Burying it all in substance abuse. But I did really want to play with the sins, and what else could come from them. I play with the other 6 later on in the story a bit.

You’ll have to read on and see :P

The Derek scenes here are shorter mostly because he gets some screen time already with Kris. This scene was really just to help set up some later shit. Though, him being the weakest in your eyes, perhaps I’ll have to tinker and play with him a bit. Give some more meat to them bones. 

I shall do what I can, but thank you for the reviews. And long ones I do enjoy.

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The next review from @Tcr on Blood and Lace

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Chapter 5:

Firstly, of all the chapter openings so far, this is definitely my favourite.  I love the word choices that paint the scene, the realism presented regarding the throngs of people (and Derek's statement is quite true).  It is well crafted and I could visualize the image quite easily. So, kudos and excellent.

This part: ““Vultures they may be, they do serve their purpose in life," he said, and shook his head.

"I don't want to be part of a cover-up," Michael finished.”  In a humble opinion, I probably would have just kept him speaking rather than breaking with a speech tag, just for flow.

The… crime scene investigation… was written well.  I can't say a whole lot about it that hasn't been said before.  I do love the descriptions of the gore and obvious scenes of sex and definitely makes me wonder what the Hell is running around out there.  Or is this thing a more… “advanced” progression of Kris and the rest? Because I'm not sure anyone would “want” what is implied happened in there…  lol.

There are a few things that I'd probably recommend changing slightly, but those can be discussed elsewhere And, as it may be, are mostly stylistic things.

Even more so at the end of the segment, Kris shows her intelligence, albeit at what cost, in being willing to use everything to her advantage when it comes to the approaching war.  As much as determination is applauded, it's really worrying about her future and Sam. But we'll have to see as time goes on.

I felt it was important to set that stage. Helps ground the narrative, especially when we’re dealing with demons and the like. So glad it worked out.

I spaced those out to get a good pause in there. I play these scenes in my head, much like a movie, so I write to get the effects I really want. I purposely wanted to disrupt the flow a bit here.

The Crime Scene was fun. This is where the more horror like elements of the story really start creeping in after the coroner scene. I wanted this to really set in “Not a typical porn story”. As to the implications and what might be running about… read on and see. :P

I tend to be pretty stubborn with stylistic stuff. That be me.

I do need to bring Sam into the picture more. I have this character that I barely use, because it doesn’t fit. We’ll see what I come up with in the future for her.

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I like Mia's scene.  It continues to provide exposition, but not clunky and unnecessary.  And it doesn't feel forced, either. Some lines still present some dialogue stints, but as they are not exactly human, you might have intended it.  And the beginning, with protesters, brings up distinct parallels to modern society and issues that continue to permeate the masses.

I like the description of Felrya.  It is short, concise, and yet enough to paint her out.  You're quite good with descriptive prose and your style continues to be interesting throughout.

On a side note, or again stylistic note, I notice you like missing commas in some areas.

The protesters are a big part of the world. Helps ground it, because most people would not be happy with the state of affairs. But it also lets me set up future plot threads. Glad you liked the conversations, and Felrya’s description. She’s a big player after all.

I used to be bad for using too many commas. Perhaps I’m overcompensating now. Ah wells.

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The Preacher seems incredibly creepy, something not quite right (which was kind of obvious, but still presents well here) and he hits 11 before the scene ends.  Who does he serve? Is he a Shadow? Is he the enemy? A neutral party seeing who wins? You've done well creating him.

Rasha, however, is kind of falling apart.  It was expected, but she's having one Hell of a bad week…  But you've written her in, at least I find, a sympathetic way that adds to her character and doesn't immediately cause everyone to hate her.  The exchanges between the Preacher and Rasha leave a want for more from him too and, despite what feels like it's going to get worse for her, there's a hope things turn around.

Well, at least the old adage continues in this world, too.  Lol. The best laid plans of mice and men do oft go astray. Derek's scene here is interesting; starts off police drama, ask questions, et cetera.  But does that go quickly off the rocker. I like the implication that, because he hasn't gone through the full change, he's still able to be controlled.  Albeit I might be reading too much into this. Not to mention the role reversal of the traditional thoughts. You have Derek be the “damsel in distress” and it works admirably.  Well done. I was hoping for more at the end, but still well done.

The Preacher. He’s fun. I like him muchly. As to what he is, you’ll see.

Rasha I felt was the most important to get sympathetic. It’s too easy to shrug off people who are addicts, and that is what she most certainly is. So I had to show a struggle, a reason, and always keep pushing her further down that spiral. As for a turn around. We’ll see.

Derek I like playing up some Cop Drama tropes with. He is military police after all. You are right in that him not being more changed, more advanced in his transformation, is why the spell works so easily on him. The role reversal though was more a side effect of how I’ve been going through the story. Perhaps more at the end would have been good, but again, I didn’t want to cram too many sex scenes in.

Thank you again for the reviews.

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Final review of my backlog. Once more from @Tcr on Blood and Lace

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Chapter 6:

I like the way this starts off.  At first I thought maybe it was some postcoital heat going on there, then you pull the rug out and it’s just shower.  It is definitely a good opening, especially when you go into the changes that Derek sees in himself, showing the definite effects of, what I can assume, the good sexy time that he and Kris have had, hastening the transformation.  Although, I wonder if, perhaps, Alison’s involvement with it changed him as well, perhaps pushing it even faster than if she hadn’t done anything.

I do like the description that you have for Kris’ transformation.  It was well done and I was able to envision it like a movie in my mind.  I only have one complaint (albeit, it’s just me, so…), but I definitely wanted to read more, delve deeper into it.  It may have been better to have taken Kris’ transformation from her perspective, to dwell into her psyche and examine her own emotional state as she was undergoing it.  One question I have now, though, are Kris and the others, once they’ve all undergone transformation, capable of switching back into a more ‘human’ form? It would be a sadder kind of an ending if Kris and Sam had to end it merely because of the demonic form…

I really like this line: “"But, I highly suggest a Timmies run," Kris said, then paused with a frown as Derek looked up with a raised eyebrow. "Coffee. I suggest a coffee run," she said, and the incubus smirked and nodded.”  I’ve had this sort of conversation with friends across the border, so I know exactly what it’s like. And gotta keep up that Canadian stereotype - everyone in Canada drinks Timmies. Lol.

I love the action you have here.  The suspenseful build up that starts with the finding of Deputy Edwards’ body through to the discovery of another faction not interested in befriend Sydxun or, it would definitively appear, any of the succubi out there, and the battle between them was well done.  While I would have loved more action, it is still interesting and written well. Your quick sentences convey the necessary speed, a great thing for an action sequence.

I have been trying to imply feeding off the energy of demons or those with demonic taint, is what’s pushing the transformation along. What Alison’s involvement may have had, that’s for the reader to consider. But it wasn’t Alison herself that fucked Derek, it was Sydxun’s presence in the basement. 

The wife has been pointing out to me that the transformations have been getting a touch stale. So, trying to make them a bit more dramatic. A bit more of a push towards the final stage of it all. Perhaps I should do more from the PoV of someone changing, but it’s mostly a physical thing. We all know how Kris feels about the changes already. This I will state though, once they change, it’s permanent. I didn’t want them shape shifting or anything. As to what that means for Kris and Sam well… we’ll see how into demons Sam is.

Heh. I had to put little things like that in there. Little bit of Canuck humour for Canuck readers. But also play a little bit with the differences between them and their nationalities. 

I really thought about Aliens when writing this scene. A little bit of suspense with the action, further pushing the story to Erotic Horror instead of just smut. I like to think I can write some decent action set pieces.

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And into Mia’s scene.  I’ve been liking the Mia scenes in the last few chapters.  While Kris is definitely the character I enjoy reading most, Mia’s scenes add to the worldbuilding and backstory of Blood and Lace.  I love getting backstory and worldbuilding when it’s done in stories, it adds to the understanding of what’s going on and, indeed, the mythology of the tale.  In this case, you’ve done a great job merging the present story with the backstory, not to mention adding to Mia’s character throughout. Well done.

Added to that, I like the idea that Mia’s understanding is greatly based on religion as ‘humans’ know it, only to be like “No, that’s not entirely it!” and have Felrya explain it more.  This actually works for the story and for storytelling in general because it avoids the ‘As you know’ and ‘As you should know’ cliches often found in both movies and books. So, kudos! :)

I found the nigh interrogation scene intermixed with the sex to be an interesting aspect.  It shows Felrya’s nature, and that of her handmaids, plus the fact that it seems, to me, that Felrya truly wants to help Mia gain control of her lust.  I say this because Felrya all but interrogates her, expecting answers, while getting Krynsya to sex her up, almost as though some bizarre training regimen.  If this isn’t the case, than apparently I’ve misread a lot into it, but the wonder of books, right?

And the sex scene in this chapter, to carry on from that…  it is definitely HOT! Your sex scenes are always great to read and definitely wonderfully described, so this shouldn’t be much of a surprise that I’ve continually mentioned that.  

This line: “"Oh my dear Mia. One does not hold power in Hell without at least partially earning that descriptor of Evil," Felrya said, before letting her smile grow into something as sinister as it was the usual sensual. "I'm not convinced yet that the same can't be said of your own rulers. Democratically elected or otherwise."”  I got the biggest laugh from that… I may have been tired, but this line was definitely something I felt both poignant (especially given some events in relatively recent years) and just hilarious in terms of historical events. Makes me wonder, in this universe, what place some of those historical figures (Hitler, Pol Pot, Bundy, Dahlmer, et cetera) have in Hell.

Mia has become a great tool for story and world building with her involvement with the Succubus Consul. And the Consul herself lets me do some good world building and give little glimpses to what Hell is like in this particular setting. I mean, that’s the other world. That’s the place that’s been done so many times over. I gotta try and make it somewhat interesting to the reader. And how it works as well with the devil’s and sins.

So, it worked to have Felrya explain some stuff to Mia, and to have Mia broaden her current understandings, as they weren’t entirely correct before.

The training regimen… that’s pretty much exactly what it is. Though, Felrya does enjoy doing it as well. Lo and behold. Glad you think the scene overall is hot though.

And those particular lines. I didn’t want my demons to be necessarily ‘evil’  but I can’t have them be goody two shoes either. They do come from Hell after all. But I thought it was a good place to make some points about current governments and leaders. Humans certainly are far from perfect. As to those historical figures… who knows. I may get around to toying with the occupents of Hell a bit more in the future.

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And onto Rasha…  She has to be the most tragic of the characters you have written within Blood and Lace.  Every time she is on, she’s performing some self-destructive behaviour, although in this case, I wonder if it’s more the Preacher’s influence (as you haven’t said what, exactly, the Preacher is capable of doing).  I do feel kind of sorry for her. I do hope that she’s pulled back from her destruction before she’s literally FUBAR…

I like the sex here.  It’s almost sad in terms of how Rasha is broken enough now that she’s following the Preacher without a second thought about her own well being.  And if that was the case, then kudos. If not, again, reading into things is part of a book. Lol. That said, she’s becoming a better rounded character, although I do feel she needs to be fleshed out a little more in terms of character and backstory, but, I won’t lie, you’ve still got plenty of chapters to go to do that, so I eagerly await them.

And the introduction of someone who rules over the Preacher is interesting and an intriguing addition.  I look forward to determining what this lord is and exactly what part he is to play in the, I suspect, coming conflict.

Rasha is certainly meant to be the tragic one. The fallen one, and perhaps more so when we eventually get to backstories and the like. For the time being, we get to see her fall deeper and deeper. Manipulated to thinking she’s doing things of her own free will. But we know everything is for that next fix. That next high. The next hit. Whether she’ll pull back. even I’m not entirely sure anymore. 

The lord, well… you’ll see.

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LOL.  The last segment start, I remember those days at work.  Burning the coffee because… idiots. I do like this minor detour from the main cast in order to explore Alison’s power.  And, while I’m not too invested in these characters (which I doubt was your intention to begin with, but just a note), seeing how easily Alison was able to fuck with Margaret’s mind showcases just how scary Alison is.  The fact that she was able to take control of Justin and Margaret and essentially commit rape on both of them, all the while escaping from the prison, she is a creepy, scary bitch that I look forward to seeing a full on fight between her and Kris, they’re both badass in their own ways.  I have a question, though, does the spell break because Alison left or because Kris somehow managed to break through it?

All in all, another great entry.  I certainly continue to enjoy Blood and Lace and definitely look forward to more.  As stated, your sex scenes are well written, your dialogue bits are improving drastically, and you’ve created great characters that are badass, but not in a Mary Sue way, and certainly quite interesting.

I really wanted to start this off with as much normalicy as I could. Every little drop of it before things go a bit wacko. I think I succeeded, and it’s why I went with characters outside the main cast. The main cast is well outside of normal anymore. So I brought it some good ol humans to sell the normalicy. It also really sets up Alison for what she is, and some of her abilities, and the strengths of her master. 

The spell though was broken because of Kris, and even Kris doesn’t entirely know how she did it.

The Mary Sue thing is actually something I’m usually not too concerned about. Kris may be the most badass, but she’s not the best at everything. And she’s still learning. If I was better at writing investigations, this would shine through a bit better. But thanks for the review, and very glad yer enjoying.

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I'm glad you reviewed Hunted, as, I admit, I probably wouldn't have found you if you hadn't.  But...  Blood and Lace is definitely a well written and multilayered story with facets not always apparent in first reading, only when digging a little deeper, reading deeper.  And I am most definitely enjoying it and look forward to reading more into the world you've created.  Keep it up :)

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It seems @Tcr has gotten all caught up until I post Chapter 8 of Blood and Lace. Thanks again for leaving the reviews on each chapter.

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Chapter 7:

Firstly, I'm not sure if I have the right implication when it comes to the sheriff…  Michael's “lust”, but it is definitely an interesting one and leads to the question of whether people would really want to know people's thoughts.  That said, I probably would have broken the paragraph as you start discussing the lust. Having it attached to his statement almost loses it, subordinates it, and it's a well written piece, it deserves to shine on it's own.

I do like the idea that the shade, portraying the lust one has, is shown as a different sort of entity within the same person.  It is an interesting description and shows the difference between the outward appearance and that which people keep hidden. That's a good choice in approach.  Way to go.

Lol.  Seattle area seems to be a hotspot for the supernatural in stories.

I like the interaction between Kris and the Doctor.  The dialogue feels like something one would hear, although Doctor Baker is probably taking it a lot better than most people.  Lol.

Typo: ““It wasn’t bleeding when I came in. I’ve yet to had a good test, I didn’t know I healed quickly until after something slashed my leg open,””.  Had = have/to have had? Also: ““When.”” Should be a question mark there, I believe.

I also like that, after what Margaret went through, you didn't just skim over her and forget about it all.  She's worried about logical things, who's coming through the door next. And she's clear affected by it, so kudos.

Over all, the Derek and Kris scenes are well done and your dialogue is definitely improving.  So great job :) . I like that their transformations are definitely being noticed (The sheriff noticing the bumps on Derek; the increased healing (even if Kris hadn't been tested.  This is definitely a dialogue heavy scene, but it fits, and isn't boring, as can happen, so, again, well done.

Glad you found that interesting. I’ve really enjoyed playing with the ‘lust shades’ that only succubae can see. I thought it a rather interesting ability that they could have, though a former friend of mine was the one that suggested it, and I just chomped on the bit for it. But, the reason I didn’t split the paragraphs and really have those shades shine, is that I wanted it to seem almost normal to the characters. That it was just another sense they have. I wanted it to blend in with every else, just like someone scanning a room and picking out plants, or the colour of someone’s dress.

My geography ain’t the best. I chose Washington at first for having an isolated feel with fishing towns and the like, and it being close to the Canadian/U.S. border. Then went looking for the closest major city to where my fictional “Port Kent” is, and it happened to be Seattle. Also, I made the town of Port Kent, before realizing there was a city of Kent in Washington. That’s, some crazy coincidences.

I kinda wanted to put forward that the doctor is fascinated by this all. I mean, people have been aware of the existence of demons and Hell for months in this setting. It’s something I need to play with more heading into the future.

Hmm, fair points.

Secondary characters help build the world. Gotta make em seem real too aye?

Glad to hear my dialogue is improving. I certainly feel it is. 

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Firstly, I love this Mia scene.  Whether intentional or not, you have succeeded, in my opinion, in showing Mia's “softer” human side in opposition to what she is becoming.  This seen as she's gently doing things at first, only being chided by the handmaid's for not being punishing enough. Then she finds herself feeling power at the “punishment” she is carrying out, which to me, is like the demonic side taking control more.

As I've noticed the lack of commas, I'll just point out that, as far as I was taught, if directing at a person, a comma divides the pronoun from the statement.  Ie: “No mercy Mia” should be “No mercy, Mia”...

Oooh, suspenseful and mysterious way to end the scene.  And Port Kent is becoming a hot spot, isn't it? Lol.

I took a lot of time with this scene, trying to get the interactions just right to show how she’s changing, and how she’s still at the core, mostly human. It was fun, and pretty sexy, to write. Also fun toying with the power aspect of it all.

Yer getting into very strict territory here when it comes to grammar and dialogue. A lot of teaching’s I’ve had, is pushing aside some rules can make for more interesting narrative and dialogue. The key is knowing which rules to push aside, and which to keep so that the story remains cohesive and not a wild mess. 

I did try. And Port Kent is more a… flashpoint.

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An interesting way to start Rasha's scene.  Although, it makes me wonder if the Preacher is debasing them both in the actions and Rasha is just blinded to it?  After all, break the individual to create a fanatic devoted to a cult.

This section: “Much like the housewife now kneeling at the base of a cross and drinking her husband’s seed from the vagina of a demon. Dribbling down her chin and neck, and under the robe she wore.”  The first line reads well and descriptive, but the second line is kind of awkwardly written. I understand what you're saying, but still awkward.

Rasha's segment was definitely an eye opener.  You blend some details in, showing her true nature mixed with the demonic side, her human coming through ever so slightly, cracks in the cult condition, in the broken form that has been Rasha.  And I like the development in Rasha. Kudos.

Rasha here is still tragic, but she's also sympathetic in a way.  Many of us, I'm sure have something we'd like to forget, so you've done well.

I thought so. It was a fun scene. 

Hmm, really that awkward? I kinda played with that particular line a bit, thought it might lend a bit to some weirdness. But if it’s really awkward might go edit it.

As I’ve said, Rasha’s always been a tragic story to write, but she’s got a place in the story to deliver on things unseen by the others. Rather intimately as well.

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And back to Kris and Derek…  and road head… lol. And Kris’ transformation is happening at a rapid pace now.  I like it, certainly, and the exchange between Kris and Derek regarding clothes got a bit of a laugh.

This line: “Look, I’ll grant you that by and large. Personality wise, we’re much the same as if we came back from any other fucked tour in any other fucked up place.”  I think you should have a comma between them rather than a full period.

Okay, so we see Sydxun in...the flesh?  Lol. But, Sydxun seems to be a rather creepy and, honestly, disturbing demon.  His introduction is absolutely eerie, especially if he is controlling Morton to allow everything…  or, as implied, to want everything that's happening.  That is batshit insane and definitely want more.

And this new arrival…  Who is it? What is it?  It sure seems capable of besting Kris, so is it stronger?  Too many questions… Hurry with 8! Lol.

Yes, road head. Not the first time in this story either. :P I started picking up the pace of the transformation, because I figured people wanted to see the end product. And I want to have a succubus warrior going about doing her thing. 

Yeah, comma might have worked better. But the period gave the definitive pause for me.

Sydxun and the new arrival. Things are certainly heating up in Port Kent. But yeah, I leaned on some of the implications there, building up from the previous chapter. 

Chapter 8 just needs to be edited. Hopefully it will be coming soon. I’m already working on chapter 9. 

Thank you again for the review.

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A review on Illyria’s Masquerade, from @Tcr

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Excellent start.  Not just the first sentence that sets up a character, but the dialogue between Illyria and Bacu is well done, too.  There were a couple times I thought that Bacu was a little more forthcoming than he probably should have been, but then I realized he may have had a little more leeway than others.  But, great start; the hook was taken.

I love the first paragraph of the second section.  That paints a picture of what’s happening and the people involved, not to mention the intermingling of cultures.  And with Bacu's and Illyria's comments, the potential disaster within.

Yer thinking too much of typical hierarchies. Remember, Illyria isn’t my character. This was done up for a friend starring one of her own creations, though most of the other characters that appear in the story are mine. She isn’t… harsh or anything like that. The character is supposed to just be sexy fun, I just gave her a bit more of a political bend in this one to emphasize her power and influence. 

Yeah, I really had to nail that to sell the scene. Glad it worked.

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Felrya, huh?  Is this a crossover with Blood and Lace?  I can imagine this is like some form of vacation for her.  Lol.

Was meant to just be a quiet nod to my own works really. Felrya’s business is actually the story of Blood and Lace. But yes, this is something of a crossover, but it is not canonical. Just a reference.

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And apparently Illyria has some experience in teasing.  Lol. I like it. The way you've written her teasing Toron, not to mention the description of her dress, in which I can imagine is her teasing others, is well done And, without being too descriptive, says a lot about her character.  Good job.

The sex was good.  It was strangely tempered, considering Blood and Lace, but well done all the same.  You kept it sexy while keeping it (relatively) toned down. This isn't a bad thing. To get across that much heat in a relatively short, concise, and hot way is a great thing.  And I do like that Toron uses his tail in that way, too.

She is certainly a tease character. And the dress… my friend enjoys her butt cleavage on women. Can’t say I blame her… but I had to include that to some degree in the story. But I don’t wanna be one of them author’s that spends entire pages on clothing. I don’t think that’s why people are here.

And yeah, the sex being tempered compared to Blood and Lace well… different audiences, tones, and stories.

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Kali's intro is well put.  In her, Illyria seems to have found a match and I find myself thinking that Kali is playing her as much as it is vice versa.  Especially with their interludes.

That said, Kali and Illyria's kinky fun times…  That was interesting. I'm not going to lie, I wasn't expecting some of what happened, but it definitely hot all round.  You are quite adept at writing sex, with well chosen words, great descriptions, and more than capable of making it hot. Well done.

While a short story, I could see this being extended to a full length novel.  I would love to see more of Illyria, Kali, and Toron. Way to go and keep up the good work.

Kali was a fun little creation for me. I wanted to give Illyria a bit of a match, that made it sweeter when she ended up on top. 

Thank ye, I do try to write them steamy.

And… well, like I said this was just a short one-off for a friend. I don’t know how much I’ll dabble in this world, but full novel is not up for consideration.

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38 minutes ago, Sinfulwolf said:

Was meant to just be a quiet nod to my own works really. Felrya’s business is actually the story of Blood and Lace. But yes, this is something of a crossover, but it is not canonical. Just a reference.

Reference or not, my head canon now says Felrya's vacation spot is with Illyria.  Lol.  

40 minutes ago, Sinfulwolf said:

Thank ye, I do try to write them steamy.

You succeed quite well.  And it was quite intriguing to see the plays they both make through the story, which makes it all the more interesting during the sex.  Like you said, bot evenly matched.

And you mean people don't want to read fifteen pages describing the dress?  Well, shit...  lol.

A great read, Sinful.  Look forward to continuing to read more.  (I'm very surprised it hasn't recieved more reviews.

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A fresh batch of reviews I’ve not responded to yet. Here goes:

First up, @Tcr for the Prompt Oneshot “Blackburn”

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First...  The end was hot, as you always have with those scenes.

Second...  this was interesting.  Definitely a step away from B&L, but I can still see your touch to it.  You write the mechanisms of government exceptionally well.  That's a great job there and I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of Eloise and Lauren's figurative game of chess throughout.  Not to mention the political manipulations of keeping Lauren close as well as keeping her story alive.  I could see this as a future tale just as much as an AU.  Again, well done.

Third...  As always, elegant, with a masterful word choice and great description that paints wonderful imagery.  A great piece.  :) .

Glad the sex was hot. A smutty one shot certainly would have fallen apart otherwise.

This was fun for me, and aye I certainly wanted a different feel and tone to it than I did for Blood and Lace. I’m just happy the interactions between Eloise and Lauren was enjoyable, because otherwise no one would have made it to the sex later on. 

I think I tried harder for elegance this time. Cause of setting. Lol.

 

Next we have another for “Blackburn” from @JayDee

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I liked it! The handmaiden, Annabelle seems like a very interesting character. Has kind of an air that suggests she might not be entirely untrustworthy - I liked the line about her being a viper and the Queen keeping her draped over her shoulders.

Lauren was a very likable character - Good solid soldier type. I could really picture her well in my mind, certainly hear her voice.

As a fan of the dirty stuff, the sex scene was good stuff, too. Some really nice passages. The Queen's poking finger towards the end came across great. You folks all seem to be doing a great job with this prompt!

Excellent that you liked it! And Annabelle was rather enjoyable to write, with just offering peaks at who she was. And that viper line I loved, so couldn’t help but slither it in there.

Lauren was really the crux and start of the whole story. She was the first figure I imagined, pretty much right after I walked out of the movie “The Favourite”. The story was originally going to be more focused around her, but when I sat down to right, I had it from the Queen’s perspective to make it more interesting to introduce Lauren.

The sex was just fun to right, and I realized I’ve not done much anal fingering, or mouth riding. So I fixed that.

 

The last of the batch for “Blackburn” is from @CloverReef

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Oh the intrigues of court. You, my friend, have a talent for heightening atmosphere with small, descriptive gestures. I love that. This short story's pace was slow, though remained interesting and easy to read all the way through. Lauren fascinates me, so I don't at all blame the queen for getting all up in that.

Very well done. Thank you for this.

After watching a bunch (okay, only 2) of historical pieces centred around the intrigues of court, I just had to write something about it. Glad to see my thing for those small gestures is still appreciated. I’ve always enjoyed doing it, and I won’t stop… so that it’s enjoyed is good, lol. 

I’m honestly not sure what I originally intended for pace, but I’m glad it is enjoyable and interesting. 

Lauren… as said to JayDee, she is the crux of the whole thing. :P

 

Last review is from @InBrightestDay for the tale “Comin’ Home”

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I'm sorry I didn't review this when I first read it, but since you clarified that this came first, I figured I really ought to.

This is absolutely wonderful.  You did a beautiful job capturing the emotion of a couple whose members haven't seen each other in a very long time, and all of the emotions that come with that, including that nice little moment where Kris is so grateful to see Sam again that she embraces her a little too hard.

Another neat thing is all the little touches about how the house has changed since Kris saw it last, things like the windows and plants being different.  All of it paints a picture of the sense of dislocation (for lack of a better word) that veterans can have when they come back after a tour of duty.

Certain details do make me curious about the wider setting.  The fact that, in addition to the expected assault rifle, Kris is carrying a sword, for instance.  Modern militaries generally only have those for ceremonial purposes, but the way it's included here, along with the rifle, ammo and tactical vest, all indicate that it's intended for combat use, which hints at a world beyond this moment, one different from our own.  It's a pretty neat trick.

Also, I can't help but feel like I have to mention the sex.  You did this thing that I'll never be able to do where you manage to generate eroticism with a fairly minimal description.  It requires carefully choosing what to describe and what not to, and it's extremely impressive.  Like I said, I doubt I'll ever be able to pull it off.

Don’t worry, I’m just happy you did leave one at all.

The return home… I think I wrote this around Remembrance Day, and I had to think back to a lot of things I was personally remembering of how I felt on my own return home. It’s one thing to see your loved ones again, but then as you mention, there’s a slight oddness of so many little things being different. It can make the familiar unfamiliar, and the warzone feel comforting again. can anyway.

I know in real life soldiers don’t return home with all that gear, but I felt it would be a touch more impactful if she did. So... I wrote that in. As to the sword and wider world, it’s almost funny that I had forgotten about it when going to write Blood and Lace. But yes, I thought it would be an interesting little nudge.

Well, I’m glad it came out all right. I think I just got hyper focused on certain elements to get across the steamyness I wanted.

 

To all four of you. Thank you kindly for the reviews.

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12 hours ago, Sinfulwolf said:

I know in real life soldiers don’t return home with all that gear, but I felt it would be a touch more impactful if she did. So... I wrote that in.

It definitely adds to it.  Kris is nervous as she reaches the door, and when you combine that with the gear, and occasional reminders of it…

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Kris felt her fingers tightening on the back of Sam's shirt, pulling her tighter against her body, the harsh metal of the assault rifle dangling from her chest pressing hard into her.

...the effect is to suggest that perhaps Kris is worried not just about changes to her home, but about changes to herself, fearing perhaps that she may have become someone different, and that it might affect how Sam feels for her, which makes the bath scene a wonderful form of reassurance.

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Well, I think you forgot to reply to mine on Coming Home.  Lol.

Second, all these great reviews around you, now mine feels lacking.  Lol.  Always good to see great writers getting great support.  :D .

16 hours ago, Sinfulwolf said:

First up, @Tcr for the Prompt Oneshot “Blackburn”

Glad the sex was hot. A smutty one shot certainly would have fallen apart otherwise.

This was fun for me, and aye I certainly wanted a different feel and tone to it than I did for Blood and Lace. I’m just happy the interactions between Eloise and Lauren was enjoyable, because otherwise no one would have made it to the sex later on. 

I think I tried harder for elegance this time. Cause of setting. Lol.

I don't think I have to reiterate it constantly, but your sex scenes are always interesting, enjoying, and hitting exactly what they need to be (hot, disturbing, uncomfortable) depending on the situation.

I know you've said you struggle with dialogue, but the interactions between them are great.  And your dialogue has improved greatly, even from the first time I read yours, so it's excellent and great to see.  Kudos!  And you did the human chess match, with verbal sparring, extremely well, keeping it interesting all through, so that's another kudos!

And elegance seems to be your strong suite.  You always, masterfully choose your words, whether in Blood and Lace, Coming Home, Closing Time or others.  And in doing so, you expertly paint the picture and image of the scene.

I feel like I just gave another review...

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On 3/11/2019 at 10:45 PM, InBrightestDay said:

It definitely adds to it.  Kris is nervous as she reaches the door, and when you combine that with the gear, and occasional reminders of it…

...the effect is to suggest that perhaps Kris is worried not just about changes to her home, but about changes to herself, fearing perhaps that she may have become someone different, and that it might affect how Sam feels for her, which makes the bath scene a wonderful form of reassurance.

Oh, she is changed. Read the story proper, and you’ll see. Bwahahahaha.

But yes, this was supposed to just be a soldier and I wanted it to just be those emotions. The actual arriving at the homestead. Though, hitting that tarmac is nice too.

On 3/12/2019 at 2:34 AM, Tcr said:

Well, I think you forgot to reply to mine on Coming Home.  Lol.

Second, all these great reviews around you, now mine feels lacking.  Lol.  Always good to see great writers getting great support.  :D .

I don't think I have to reiterate it constantly, but your sex scenes are always interesting, enjoying, and hitting exactly what they need to be (hot, disturbing, uncomfortable) depending on the situation.

I know you've said you struggle with dialogue, but the interactions between them are great.  And your dialogue has improved greatly, even from the first time I read yours, so it's excellent and great to see.  Kudos!  And you did the human chess match, with verbal sparring, extremely well, keeping it interesting all through, so that's another kudos!

And elegance seems to be your strong suite.  You always, masterfully choose your words, whether in Blood and Lace, Coming Home, Closing Time or others.  And in doing so, you expertly paint the picture and image of the scene.

I feel like I just gave another review...

I probly did. Apologies. 

Well… comments and reviews are nice.

And yes, heh, it does come across a bit like a second review. My original reply still stands.

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10 hours ago, Sinfulwolf said:

I probly did. Apologies. 

Well… comments and reviews are nice.

Heh.  I'm not too worried.  Just a bit of a tease.  And, yes, comments and reviews are always nice to get.

10 hours ago, Sinfulwolf said:

But yes, this was supposed to just be a soldier and I wanted it to just be those emotions. The actual arriving at the homestead. 

It was done quite nice and, at least in my opinion, it works well as a standalone oneshot as well as a "prequel" to B&L.  (Exceptionally well as a prequel, since you were able to expand and build on it.)

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4 hours ago, InBrightestDay said:

Oh, I’ll get to it for sure!  First, though, I wanted to check out Closing Time, so you’ll get a review on that before I get to Blood and Lace.

Ha, fair enough. They aren’t related, so no worries about bigger pictures there.

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