Jump to content

Click Here!

JayDee's Review Reply Thread (Games)


JayDee

Recommended Posts

Sheep... the prompt of doom. 11 stories after the violent unpleasantness of the Yule story, I found myself with overpowering urges to write a story using a "sheep god" and the phrase "sheepchaser" Lara Croft's Sheep God Trials was the result, Lara being in the kind of fandom that allows the finding of weird shit as well as guaranteeing a core of readers who will look at anything with Lara in. Shallow, moi? I don't know how well it's known, but Sheep Dog Trials are pretty popular in a lot of places, and if that wiki entry is right they originated in New Zealand. Go NZ! The trials of the sheep god are somewhat less pleasant, involving transformation to provide food... internal logic there at least!

Edit: funny thing, how different fandoms and styles appeal...

A fortnight ago's story was a cons M/M dream for Team Fortress 2, and in around two weeks received 86 hits. This story was posted 2 days ago, has a bunch of less pleasant codes, and currently stands at 520 hits! Funny how these things turn out sometimes.

ElfenDream:

whaaaaat? Lame people rated this as low as a 3? ppppppftt! GET A SENSE OF HUMOR PEOPLE!

I LOVED THIS! *dances around happily* ahahahahaha! Lara Croft turned into a sheep. xD You`re good at writing, I liked the way you described things. Detailed, but not too detailed. mhm.. Short but to the point.

Thanks for your review - Heh, personally I think it would be great if all my stories had 1 star. The reason being is that then people would judge them from summary/title/codes/fandom and whatnot. I don't much care for the stars system, but I'd happily votespam all mine down to 1 if it wasn't likely to annoy the moderators for fixing the scores. I can say I have never had a star rating affect my choice to read any stories!

The flashfic format keeps 'em short, otherwise I really have a tendancy to get too detailed. That's good for people who like the stuff I'm detailing - or so they tell me - and fricking tedious for those who don't (and they also tell me :D ) It was certainly meant to be cheesily funny and I am glad you found it amusing!

Fairy Slayer

First, let's get this out of the way: Sheep god? "Baaaaaaaw down before your god or I'll ram ewe!" Silly as it sounds, you really don't want lambasted by it. (I'll stop at two.)

Anyway, Lara doesn't ever get a break from you, does she? The set up made sense, and your description of her transformation, especially the wet cracking, really creeped me out, so that's a great job there. Of course the little jokes were a nice way to take the edge off, "inside her tenderloins" especially.

I definitely won't be counting sheep tonight though. Yeesh! (but in a good way)

Thanks for your review! You only see my writing about Lara, what you don't see is the many hours I once spent carefully guiding her through bear, wolf and T-Rex infested carverns, past crushing, stabbing and shocking death tracks, and a prick on a skateboard (who was apparantly even more of a prick in the remake...) with barely any death or turning to gold (bloody hand of bloody midas or whatever it was bloody called). I was *good* at Tomb Raider! I went adventuring! Storywise? Uh... I did a cons lesbian story under my old pen name that was well received. That was quite short too.

Never stop the jokes! I had more I couldn't fit in. At one point I was thinking of cutting the first few paragraphs, just to see if I could ram (snicker) more in there. Including about getting rammed, men beeing baaastards, pulling wool over eyes etc etc etc. I could a punned to death. Don't be sheepish about it.

Edited by JayDee
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Lara Croft's Sheep God Trials (which now has nine times the hits of the surely better written Scout's Dream! Lara fans apparantly enjoy summaries promising character death) has another review:

BronxWench

Have I told you lately how much I love your prompt responses? No? Well, then. I love your prompt responses! This was clever, witty and downright fun! And you ended it with a perfect moral!

Thank you for your review! I totally love your prompt responses too! A game I have never played and characters I have never controlled seem very much alive to me under your writing. So it's probably a good thing you didn't use Tetris as the basis. And, yes, it's probably a good idea to leave sheep gods - asleep or no - well alone. That's my motto anyway.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Lara Croft's Sheep God Trials - has another review,

bitamin717 I liked it. Good setup and impressive the way you managed to cram so much story information into a few paragraphs. But everyone knows that the world's most notorious sheep-fuckers are the Welsh - Aussies don't even come in a close second - so it should have been set in Wales imo.

If I was Welsh I'd probably reply with "Mae dy fam yn llyfu cociau mul" but, not being Welsh, Thank you for your review! (And all of those past reviews on other stories. :) ) These Flashfics are pretty good for compressing info with the 1000 word limit. As for using Australia, I went for the best known country. Very few people can accurately point to Wales on a map. Apparantly it even gives the English some trouble. A Welshman once said to me that the proof the Scots were bigger sheep shaggers was that they wear the kilts, because apparantly "Sheep can hear a zipper coming down from a mile away." How much research he did into that, well, I didn't ask. New Zealand has a bigger ratio of sheep to people than Oz 10 sheep per person says the government website - Polyamorists paradise! The other reason for setting it in Oz was that the last Lara story I did was in the British isles, so, variety!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

To Fool a Frenchman - came about because I wanted a character likely to use Callipygian in day-to-day speech. The TF2 Engineer is very, very smart... and was shown in one of the official blog comics to know his art, with the term apparantly originating in relation to a fine-assed statue it seemed appropriate. Pygmalion would totally hit that statue, btw.

BronxWench

Only a Scotsman and a Texan could pull off a quickie and dispose of a spy without missing a stroke. Then again, the image of Dell licking his gun worked in a decidedly perverse way for me, almost better than Dell licking Tavish. Must be because my dad is up visiting from Texas...

Thanks for your review! I wonder if they named him Dell because that firm is also from Texas...[/random thought] Texans know their guns, in stereotype, so handling one for fighting and one for fun at the same time seemed to work :D Dell didn't even need salad cream :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...

Ahh, Ending the Fan, the Elder Scrolls story that started as a way to do an Ending Prompt without physically killing something (my imagination is surprisingly limited....) and grew at the urging of Mistress S, a reader whose suggestions seemed to have worked well when written up and added on.

I've received a new review on this story from Daye:

Daye

This fic just keeps getting better and better. Weirder as well but nothing wrong with that. Would have been interesting if Moz had followed through on her original threat.

Thanks for your review! There's still time for her to do carry it out in a future part, when the Bosmer's loosened up some. :D I've got parts 4 and 5 to write out following discussions with/great suggestions from Mistress S, and they certainly do get a little weirder still. Voyeurism, horny Minotaur and sexal mis-use of the game's bound Daedric equipment spells... "Bound Helmet?" "Oh, not just the helmet..."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Kleiner Inside 'er the Half-Life 2 based story written for a prompt that, right now, I literally cannot recall the spelling of. I want to say incontinent... (fifteen seconds later, recalled incondite... ta dah) That's pretty bad for the ol' short term memory. Pretty fair to say I won't be using that prompt word again in future. Unlike the inherantly amusing gallimaufry.

BronxWench

Ah, this was completely brilliant, and once again, a perfect use of the prompt. Poor Uncle Kleiner...I've heard of arguing your grade but this was an argument he was never going to win. Then again, he did make her come twice, so props to age and experience over youthful enthusiasm. Of course, Alyx may have the perfect rebuttal for that as well...

I think you used the prompt much better than me :) I'm starting to suspect you of masochism, managing to read this stuff every week... Seriously, though, thank you for your support of my prompt replies. I'm sure I'll stop soon, but if I manage 7 more then that's 39 weeks or three quarters of a year!

As for arguing grades, there's probably an ancient joke about passing the oral make-up exam...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Further review on Kleiner Inside 'er:

bitamin717

Mmmm... Alyx Vance... I still remember titling the camera just so in Half Life 2 and checking out those purple knickers.....

Sorry, I'm back :D

Great story. The build up with Alyx writing a sexy story for her English composition was a great idea. Then her giving the doc a close up of her bright pink/light brown flesh was a nice touch. And the little details like Kleiner having to jerk off after working in confined spaces with Mossman were funny. So, in conclusion, very nice work: solid A-. Just needed a little more Alyx on Kleiner oral for the top grade ;)

Heh, Mossman has the only tight white sweater to survive the seven hour war. No wonder poor Isaac gets a little overexcited. As Father Grigori would say "hahahahahahhHAHAHAHAHAAHHA". :D Yeah, I ran out of room in the word count before Alyx could put oral theory into practical testing, hope that was not too disappointing! Thanks for your review :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Ending the Fan grows increasingly to feel like a mis-named story, what with the whole "turning the fan from arena obsession to fucking obsession" plot or "Orc and Bosmer keep trying to sexually one-up each other" plot that seems to have developed beneath my cackhanded hands, and Mistress S's coupling suggestions...

"She rode me like I was a whore, so I nailed her ass, so she fucked my face, then a Minotaur, so I got her back by..."

Daye

Dang! What a place to end it!

Poor Bosmer! I wonder what length's he'll go to to outdo the Minotaur's performance?

Heh, thanks for your review, genuinely surprised folks are still reading! I sat down to write the Minotaur scene, and ended up doing a bridging piece instead.

There's already a further chapter sketched out in my head for how he outdoes the Minotaur, again based on the suggested plot I'm following. Let's just say it's not just Daedric armor you can bind in this storyverse... But even in the Minotaur chapter he'll not remain entirely uninvolved :D hopefully.

Thanks again :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Ending the Fan, complete with new description, got a new chapter and a new review,

Daye

I'm thinking Moz is lucky to have such bonuses to her endurance and strength.:P Otherwise she might not have made it through that.

And Fanroth is a sneaky git but not too smart. Orc barbarians than can crush your head like fine china and kill people as a lifestyle choice are not the kind of people you try and tick off.

You're still reading? You deserve some kind of stamina award! Thank you kindly for you review. Luck, nothing, that's some hardcore experiance grinding to bring up those stats. Swing big axe, get big muscles! She was never in any real danger, and she didn't just make it through, by the end she really enjoyed it. Which is what you get with porn plots, heh.

As for Fanroth... Google +"kill the adoring fan" and get 77,200 results - Ticking off murderous bastards is basically his defining character trait :D At least a few readers could be going "5 chapters in and the fan's still alive? Has JayDee never led him up to lookout point?". But Moz seems to have a soft spot for him because once he stopped talking about the Arena and got pretty good at sex he ended up taking her from her comfort zone, and she likes dangerous excitement - hence all the fighting :) ...course, if I take the plot route that the currently unidentified new black mare is Shadowmere, his luck might run out a little sooner.

Thanks again for sticking with it and reviewing!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It might be the rapefic tag scaring folks off, but for all that it turns out alright in the end, there's definitely pretty strong sexual assault elements right from Moz not asking permission in the first chapter.

In one of those strange twists of fate, a reviewer did look at two of my three Elder Scrolls stories since then :)

For Ending the Fan:

bloodravyn

this is beyond hot!

For The Morpheus Potion:

bloodravyn

he soooo deserved that!

As one of the site's very active reviewers (at least I see your name a lot) I'm starting to hope you don't read every story for the porn, simply for the sake of your poor rubbed raw genitals :D

Thanks for your reviews, though, bloodravyn! I'm madly cheerful to receive them! I'm glad you found that story hot, and I think your opinion of that arogant alchemist deserving his end-of-story fate is one well shared by others.

I still think of the corrupted rogue from Diablo II every time I see yer username.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Lara Croft's Sheep God Trials somehow still fails to completely repell all readers,

Lovefoxx

wow! so fucked up - so original - so funny!

how can people not see the funny side!!!

loved it!!!

Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it, and especially glad you found it funny. Fucked up is right :D About 16 of the the negative star ratings came in the same night a while after it was posted so I suspect one enraged individual really didn't care for it. I'm no' bothered though. Thanks again :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ending the Fan Review:

Tyrant_Hand

All I can really say is this is an awesome story, and I hope you continue. There's just something I love about strong, powerful women being helpless, or more exactly letting themselves be helpless. Powerful women who are secretly submissive and are just waiting for the right hard fucking to convince them to put on a dress and bend over happily. Unrealistic, but fucking erotic...excuse the pun.

Thanks! Yes, it didn't really start like that since in the first chapter the Fan got rode hard, but it's kind of headed down that channel following Mistress S's suggestions - though Moz still get her own back with the Fyr Water especially. My initial plan for the follow up to the Minotaur might well lead to some uncomfortable moments for the Bosmer. Though the chapter after that is him back in charge with a gratuitously mis-applied spell from the game :D Kinda bouncing back and forward in dominance still, 'til I think of a good place to end it.

Talking of putting on a dress reminded me of how in game any hard-bitten warrior in the Dark Brotherhood party guest quest looks very ooc in the Deceiver's Finary as opposed to, say, a Breton Mage who you can make look stunningly close to Patrick Stewart :D Now I kinda want to write a chapter with Moz all femme'd up, perhaps at a Chorrol Castle party or something... hmm, maybe that'd be a good way to end the series :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

bloodravyn's been reading through the archive :) Thank you for your four reviews! I'd caution you that large chunks of my work are less, uh, well, let's say different than the more recent prompt stuff I've written. More exposed livers, that sort of thing. Look closely at the summarries and codes :)

The Legend of Spyro's Death

bloodravyn

i guess sparx got it easy!

It's been so long since I either played a Spyro game or wrote that story that I might have to take your word for it :) I remember writing it as a story exchange for somebody with an apparant dragon fetish, or possibly a "dragon voiced by Elijah Wood" fetish. The story I got in exchange... eh, very short.

Centaur Mother

bloodravyn

awesome!!!!

Nothing like a big ol' dray horse to awe folks!

Friendship

bloodravyn

loved

But there's no sex! For which I continually apologise to everyone.

Ending the Fan

bloodravyn

i love how she explaiend that, so impassioned was she

It's a bit different from her usual passions, fightin an fuckin.

and another review on the same chapter, because apparantly the NoSex warning wasn't effective :P

Daye

Good use of the prompt. Even in such a brief word count the chapter was by turns amusing and touching. Nice to see there's some actual heroism beneath the rampant lusts, both blood and otherwise...

Thank you! Most of the quests give you a chance for heroism at one point or another :) Helping Dar-Ma, for example, which I managed to establish way back in the first part she'd done, I figure it affects the character a little :) If it hadn't been for the events in side story The Morpheus Potion, perhaps the fan would have ended up with a nice Argonian girl instead of all the rough sex...

Eh, if I get around to ever continuing I will put more sex in the next part. It is supposed to be PWP... I reckon still 80% sex.

Edited by JayDee
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ending the Fan:

AlexandraS90

Chapter 6 really was great. I didn't even care it lacked... certain content, and that's saying something. Love where the story's going, keep up the good work!

It's going right back to the rough sex, bondage, and unexpectedly orgasming Orc with any luck. Alla this mawkish sentimental tosh belongs in a Legolas/Gollum story.

Thank you for your review, and I apologise for the betrayal of my pornographer status :(

Edited by JayDee
Link to comment
Share on other sites

So it turns out that you get more reviews for stories if the main character is only eviserating things off panel. Possibly. Another review for Ending the Fan

Ronin

This is great stuff so far. I'd love to see the Champion really let herself go and get gangbanged by more well-hung creatures (other orcs maybe, or more minotaurs). At the same time, seeing her take a few more doses of that magical potion and really ream out some men would be really hot too.

Well thanks kindly for this review! I honestly don't know how long this story would go on for, but a gangbang scene seems like it would be fun to write, perhaps involving Ogres for variety. They're big and semi-sentient, and Darkestshroud's recent story here recently reminded me that at the end of Malaceth's quest there's a group of non-hostile and grateful ogres, so I could use those in a rough gangbang story that would, obviously, be entirely different in nature to Darkestshroud's (featuring as it does a rather sweet/hot dunmer/ogre scene, followed by an amusing end I won't spoil :D Go read it.). Malaceth likes Orcs and Ogres anyhow. More potion-cock might be fun too, dunno if I'd get into it with this story tho'.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

Having come to like the Dragon Age world purely from fanfiction on AFF, and especially BronxWench's weekly prompts, I ended up buying and enjoying the game. Still playing and finding new stuff on the second play through (such as Wynne's reactions if you screw the elf apprentice and boast about it to his fiance. heh.) and decided to take a shot at a story for the game. Hence, after a week of trying to think up some maths story for the prompt cubed I went with food instead and wrote Coq Au Vin

BronxWench

I am simply dying here with the mental images this has created in my brain... Zevran and Oghren. Amazing how well you conjured such vivid pictures with your offstage action - well done! And of course, you've hit on the exact reason none of my characters (save for one rather immoral elf) has ever romanced Leliana. Bards have no honor! :D

I bet she picked up some new dirty habits with the chantry sisters too. Thanks for the review! I figure Zev would dominate the shit out of Oghren. As it were. Experience counts for a lot! I just figured I wouldn't put it past her to use food in seduction, and, bam! a use for cubed :)

bloodravyn

lol, loved!

Sure ya not a bot? Surely nobody can read this much fanfiction! Thanks, though :)

bitamin717

You know, as much as I like your recent stories JD (and they are very good, with lots of interesting characters, great one-liners, and funny and thoughtful scenarios), I do kinda miss the old JD – you know, the author of such stories as 'Taking the Sky from Kaylee', 'Kill-O-Gram' (with the Great Dane), and 'Flaying Solo', which to this day I still cannot bring myself to read all the way through. I hope you haven't given up on hardcore snuff fics altogether...

Anyways, on this one: I really liked the part where Elissa's straining to hear the 'low voices in Oghren's tent'. Very subtly evoked (I think that's the right word) scene there, and great how you manage to sketch the imagery so well with just a few sentences. It was also very interesting how you gave the scene two different interpretations: Elissa's mental image of events, and then the actual reality of events as they occurred inside the tent. That gave the story an extra level of depth and realism for me. Plus, the dialogue was great – very 'naturalistic' as my old creative writing teacher used to say :DDDD

Firstly, thanks! Someone once told me for writing dialogue to read it out loud and see if it sounds stupid. Sadly, most of mine does, but only because I never take the next step of re-writing to sound less stupid. Musta lucked out here, so naturalistic is good! I figure a lot of young ladies had a different mental image of what two guys looked like together in the sack, at least until 1960s San Francisco the internet came along, so threw that in there!.

Finally, hardcore snuff - I did a prompt one last week, which was pretty short as a flashfic, but also on the gurochan lit board recently I did another zombie story set in Deathstalker's universe, gonna get around five of those done before posting here on AFF (Gotta love DS's simple logic for throwing it open to other writers - more stories, more characters! :D) and with that one completed I have three. Thing is I got kinda snuffed out. snicker. Where do you go after somewhere like the Kaylee story? (cue smartass with "therapy?"), trying other things like the Black Cat story, and the Elder Scrolls one I've been doing just seemed like a better variety after so much red mist. I'm sure I'll do more though unless I ever stop writing entirely. Fear not!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest bitamin717

Lol, your replies always crack me up JD :lol:

Hope you never do stop writing though, it would be a great loss to AFF and the world of internet smut story writers in general

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Bah, I went ahead and posted the first three completed parts of the zombiefest.

But in happier news, two reviews for Judith's Punishment!

BronxWench

Heh. Some punishments are a lot easier to endure than others. In fact, this sort of punishment could invoke a wave of misbehavior... ;)

Never trust Mossman! She's secretly working for Cave Johnson! Um... I mean, yeah, there's no thumb screws or iron maiden, but dammit she needed to get those calculations checked! Heh, it could indeed though, "Judith betrayed us again? She must have been getting desperate! Alyx, I told you to go keep her company last night!" Thanks for your comment.

bitamin717

Best line: "Judith stood and crossed her arms, inadvertently accentuating her inexplicably tight jumper", :DDD

So glad you wrote another Half Life story JD – I can't believe how few of them there are here, given how undeniably hot Alyx Vance is. Great descriptions of the heavy facial and Alyx's crow-bar-like strap-on. But I think Judith enjoyed herself a little too much for it to be real punishment ;)

I booted the game up to take another look at Alyx/Judith interaction, and Mossman has the only tight white sweater in the resistance! Everybody else, loose boiler suits or whatever, but Judith has that! Inexplicable, I say :D

Thanks! I think there are a few H-L and H-L 2 stories in the misc section from before the request for the catagory, but I don't remember getting time to look at any of 'em. Have a trawl though, you might find something you like) - I actually linked a few when discussing the catagory if it helps!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Been a while since I saw a prompt and immediately knew what I wanted to do with it. Hence, The Dildo of Kings, my first ever Diablo 2 thing that lasted for more than a single paragraph. When I did a quick google search, I was mildly amused to find there was a much more recent Indiana Jones game that got all the hits!

pittwitch

Blown away, powerful stuff, blasphemous, evil, and just perfect! Great stuff! Loved how the whole mood changed as Diablo emerged. Wonderful. Just wonderful.

Sounds like you enjoyed this one! He's not just evil, he's Prime Evil (I always loved that they used that pun as a canon description :D ) Thanks for your review.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

Ending the Fan Part 7 - Tried it from a new character's perspective this time, the Assassin with one of the sillier names in the Elder Scrolls series. And that's up against some pretty stiff competition.

Daye

Ha. Ha. Punderful. Born to be hung indeed. Can tell the assassin must have been low-born though; hanged is the past tense for people.

Thanks for your review! Some people say puns are lower'n sarcasm. I disagree! Yes, she's tremendously common for a Breton. Spent a lot of time on the streets in a land where the guards'll kill you for picking up the wrong apple. Unlike her mother I do know the difference between Hang/Hunged myself, I think it was Mr Pratchett taught me it back in Maskerade, many years ago now:

SPOILER

"Salzella shrugged. "We've got to do this properly. Did you know Dr Undershaft was strangled before he was hung?"

"Hanged", said Bucket, without thinking. "Men are hanged. It's dead meat that's hung".

"Indeed?" said Salzella. "I appreciate the information. Well, poor old Undershaft was strangled, apparently. And then he was hung."

(Holy fuck, has it really been 15 years? No wonder the pages are yellowing.)

Edited by JayDee
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ending the Fan Part 7

bloodravyn

lol, i thought for a second that the breton was gonna really gonna get that chance to kill Moz

She got the chance, but didn't case the room properly. N00B mistake! Those wacky Dark Brotherhood folks! Honestly, I doubt anybody wants me to write about Moz dying. With the possible exception of the comedy in game example you can have when you attack Sheogorath in the Isles. "Hmm... good view up here... and it was totally worth nutting that bearded prick!" Thanks for your review.

bitamin717

Great to see you're still working on this JD! Really nice futa scene there – almost as hot as your Buffy fic from a while back with Dawn getting her 'shaft'!

Moz is an interesting character. Is she based on a real life Oblivion player character? Reminds me a bit of She-Hulk, only without the bashful charm (and tusks, lol).

What fate awaits Antionetta in the dungeons of Battlehorn Castle I wonder...

Unless you're a hardcore roleplayer I figure most of the Morrowind and Oblivion PCs are pretty much the same, I guess she's based on my usual style of play - heavy warrior led, screw the magic! Anyone can beat a cosmic horror with spells, it takes a truely hardcore PC to smack it with an axe!

Glad you enjoyed this, futa is obviously a bit of a niche so it's nice to hear from niche fans on it :)

Battlehorn is the PC's castle in the mountains, think it was DLC originally but came installed with my copy. I figured I'd maybe write a more comedy heavy side-story of her seducing her way out and escaping at some point. Maybe include it in with the main chapters as an "interlude"...

Thanks for your review!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

The final part of Ending the Fan is all planned out, no heroic sacrifice in sight. If only I can get those words flowing and write it out, and then I can get stuck into the expansion pack (Shivering Isles) set sequel...

Meanwhile, my Tomb Raider story Corinthian Knot was inspired by some fanart from the artist Turria, and the person who commissioned it has told me I made the rough draft in a "perfect way" (in relation to the picture) so I'm glad I caught the aim right. Waited to hear what the commissioner thought 'afore posting it. Think there may be a few minor typos slipped through, so when I have had something of a break from the story I'll go looking for them.

One review!

Armphid

I enjoyed reading the story a lot and found it matched the picture perfectly. I'm a fan of description and felt that there were places where more of it could be used, particularly during the actual but having the link to the picture did help with that.

Thank you for your review! I made sure to include as many of the elements from the picture as possible and an explanation eg the gun, bullets, still gloved etc. I hear what you mean on the description, I like a properly descriptive story myself, sometimes, sadly, the best descriptive stuff just doesn't come from the muse :(

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...