FairySlayer

Fairy Slayer's Replies to Your Much-Appreciated Reviews

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This thread is now for my replies (and discussions maybe?) about all of my cartoon stories.

(Originally it was just for the Strawberry Shortcake fanfiction Cakewalk on the Catwalk, so please excuse anything that seems out of order in the replies. Super thanks to DemonGoddess061 for consolidating all of the threads for me. :))

From its "Promote a Story" thread:

Title: Cakewalk on the Catwalk

Author: Fairy Slayer

Rating: Adult

Pairings: (Angel Cake + Custard) + (Strawberry Shortcake + Ginger Snap)

Summary: Both Angel Cake and Custard have been acting very strangely, at first seemingly for different reasons. When their secrets come to light, however, Strawberry makes a painful choice to help her dearest friends.

Feedback: Yes, pretty please with a strawberry on top!

(Replies to reviews will be posted in this story's thread in the cartoon > moresome subforum.)

Fandom: Strawberry Shortcake

URL: http://cartoon.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600092837

Edited by FairySlayer

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re: "Cakewalk on the Catwalk"

Oddly enough.... I liked it, a lot. It was cute, sweet, not overly sex scene heavy. Well written, not too long. I'll certainly read it again. Good job.

I just wanted to say a quick thanks for reading it and leaving an encouraging comment. It sounds like the story hit where I was aiming, and I certainly appreciate a reader who enjoys the whole story. smile.gif Heck, I was worried that there weren't enough sex scenes and that they didn't happen soon enough, so your note was made me feel a lot better about that too. Edited by FairySlayer

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These are my replies to Reviews for The Dark Side of the Bright Side (Ruby Gloom):

Evil Fairy, I can hardly thank you enough for even the tremendous work you put into proofreading and editing this story. Yet on top of all that I'm honored that you'd write such thoughtful analyses of the chapters. You even picked up on a few things that weren't specifically on my mind, such as Ruby's specific brand of optimism in the face of such a depressing reality. I focused simply on making Ruby sound and act like herself in the narrative without concentrating on her personality traits themselves. It's just her normal, lovable self reacting the people and events around her, as described by Tommy Simms' original slice-of-life ficlet. Of course she couldn't help but give a little push towards bettering things here and there, even though each little push took a lot of effort.

Making Skullboy unstable and psychotic wasn't too hard because he's halfway there in the show. :) (Even his TV version reminds me not to get overly wrapped up in trying to figure out who I am, or especially why.)

Thank goodness for Doom Kitty and Mr. Buns providing some sweetness, along with Iris spreading the fun and laughter even after some traumatic events. Misery's initial distance and her suicide attempts were also based on Tommy's original bit (along with Ruby's complete naiveté, Iris's frequent victimization, and Mr. Bitey's unhappy role). One reason I accepted Tommy's request was because it didn't take long for me to create the entire situation he wanted and, more importantly, the series of triggers which would drive the story along.

Now that I think back, Misery was at least a little bit like Ruby deep down, caring enough to heal the girl who had always avoided and feared her. (And, like Ruby, Misery probably didn't expect the severe consequences caused by that act of kindness.)

A good story, but just to clarify: What DID happen to SkullBoy in the end of the story?

As a kid I came across a lot of science books and had science teachers demonstrate that soaking a bone in vinegar makes it soft and rubbery; when it's dried out it becomes hard again. I guess that must have been mentioned in one of Poe's books too. ;) Granted, it usually takes a lot longer (perhaps days) for even small chicken bones to turn rubbery, but I used some creative license there.

After Poe and Iris executed their plan, all of that time in the workshop was apparently spent repurposing his bones into all of those new fixtures. Hence, '...in a way, Skullboy was still all around us.' (Every time Iris sits on her new toilet seat she probably laughs and says, "Bite my ass, Skullboy!")

In a third-person person story it could have been clearer, but the first-person perspective imposed limits. The whole story was from Ruby's point of view and she didn't know the truth, so his fate could only be hinted at strongly. Explaining what I could and making sure Ruby didn't really understand everything was a bit of a balancing act. Using the mirror in Iris' bedroom in chapter 2 and glossing over the location of the pipes-cluster in the inn's basement helped, but at other times I could only have her notice a hint of something being odd but then shrug it off.

I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for commenting. :)

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re: "The Dark Side of the Bright Side"

(Instead of quoting I'll just link to the reviews posted on The Archive for this story.)

kisakimiko: Of course I couldn't let all of Skullboy's abuse of the girls go unpunished. “Bad skeleton!” smile.gif Dropping hints about his indestructibility in chapter 2 was also to make the girls' plight seem inescapable, but I think being cocky about it also made his downfall all the more satisfying.

gabe: Thanks. I try. smile.gif

Edited by FairySlayer

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re: "Cakewalk on the Catwalk"

(Instead of quoting I'll just link to the reviews posted on The Archive for this story.)

cowgirl65: Thanks. I watched quite a few episodes, uhm, for research purposes (that's the ticket!) and did my best to keep them close to character. I'm glad it you found that it worked as a Strawberry Shortcake story along with the sexual and even unusual elements.

What strikes me about the show is that the girls are so independent and self sufficient even though they definitely behave like the children they are. So two little changes — the older girls being sexually self-aware with Ginger on the cusp, and Custard's love for Strawberry escalating — made everything snap into place. ("It was a snap!") Most of the time the story seemed to flow on its own, which is why I didn't hesitate to put the other story aside for a few weeks.

For how clean the published story is, I'm grateful to Evil Fairy for finding typos, errors and just about any other problems.

Thanks for commenting. Oh, and I definitely will keep writing. Heck, there's one dark story that's been neglected for about a year now and some happier tales after that. smile.gif

Evil Fairy: Commander Data informs me that you've unleashed a dangerous level of egoton particles on me with your insightful breakdown of the story. I'm berry grateful for that, especially on top of all the valuable corrections, notes and, most of all, the guidance.

(...and even after the cruel zinger I put in the first proofing copy.... wink.gif )

With the conveniently-timed misunderstandings and silly opening it was supposed to play out like a sitcom, but I guess it drifted into cutesy anime territory: a darkness of uneasiness lingers behind the silly foreground antics but then takes over in the penultimate episode. (Would Koge Donbo be proud?) Now that you mention it, I can see how Strawberry's empathy could occasionally give her a hard dose of angst in a world where conflict is inevitable.

At least with an industrious optimist like Strawberry Shortcake you just know things will somehow turn out sweet.

I'm glad the exaggerations of Ginger Snap and even Peppermint Fizz didn't make them one-dimensional, which was a huge worry. At first Peppermint Fizz was going to show up only at the picnic; I had nothing else in mind when I wrote that she didn't seem to be good at anything. Then it clicked: Custard's visit to Ginger Snap's melded with Peppermint's to later set Ginger into action — and eventually heap more heartbreak onto poor Strawberry.

The bath scene went slow mostly for my sake: it was oh so nice to imagine the tension and thrill of slowly revealing every bit of the lovely girl who obediently complied, for want of comfort. Candlelight made every glimpse more detailed and much more precious. I wanted that feeling, that hunger to be real for the reader (though hopefully not OOC). It wasn't on my mind at the time, but perhaps the careful, attentive way Strawberry undressed her friend could have helped Ginger give control to Strawberry, a little at a time, until she was ready to turn herself over completely. (It's just an afterthought, so maybe I'm just being all pretentious 'n stuff. tongue.gif)

Hmm, my last two paragraphs have something in common: I unwittingly projected a lot more onto Strawberry than I thought. In the bath scene it was deliberate; but your insight about the her need to see everyone happy is something that I've struggled with for most of my life.

Heck yeah, Custard's strong personality was essential, and it was a happy bonus that her stuffy attitude hints at some sort of repression. If not for the former it would have been impossible for me to write the four-way. Actually, I almost dropped the story idea right away until I saw the "I Love Custard" video. That made me realize the powerful love Custard Strawberry's shared... and confirmed that Custard is a girl. wink.gif

(Oh yeah, the oddly-suggestive bits of that video helped too. I'm telling you, folks, it's right on the edge.)

You're also spot-on about why Angel Cake was cast as the misfortunate one. She's certainly they type to cover up anything "wrong" while blaming herself. Then when two desperate and hurt people, er, person and cat, find each other in so vulnerable... She's also good for the occasional temper tantrum, though I didn't want to play it up when she had to break Strawberry out of her angry ranting.

So, again, thanks for everything, not least of all for “I'm Custard… Vroom!” (which will probably be my epitaph). biggrin.gif

P.S. Strawberry's "Special Remembering Book" would make a great Round-Robin if there were enough fans here to write the entries.

Edited by FairySlayer

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re: "The Dark Side of the Bright Side"

Hi there. First of all let me tell you that your fanfic is awesome, well written, good rythm, hot, creepy, etc. A very good fanfic. But i didn't like it even if i know that your fanfic is very well done.

The thing is that Skull Boy is one of my favorite characters in Ruby Gloom, and even if he is kind of psycho in the books and kind of paranoid in the tv series, it didn't feel right, not for me at least. it was a big let down watching hime acting that way with his friends, and i ended not liking your fanfic.

Anyway, you are a very good writer with a lot of talent.

By the way, my english writing skills are lame so it is understanble if this review doesn't make any sense LOL.

Bye

First off, your comments make perfect sense, and I truly appreciate you taking the time to reply even though you didn't like the general content itself. (And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. smile.gif) You made me realize that the story desperately needed the Alternate Universe / Alternate Reality (AU/AR) tag, which I've added. That was a major oversight on my part, and I hope not many people were annoyed to start reading before finding that out. Though I tried to maintain most of the basic characters' attitudes, Skullboy was extremely OOC.

(Personally, too, I think he's a lovable and zany character in the show itself, and I think the way he's always searching for his identity is something that most of us can relate to on some level. I was happy that in "Hair-less: The Musical" he finally realized that he indeed was part of a family already.)

Man, I've been trying to find the books and get a better glimpse of the pre-television personalities. I've found references for when she was "only" a marketing character, all alone in the big mansion but still finding things to make herself happy. My library system has one or two of the books, but I'd be too embarrassed to request them. (Too bad they're no longer in print or stock, as far as I can find.)

In any case, and more importantly, I'm very grateful that you read it anyway to give me feedback on the content along with your opinion of my writing. Thanks.

Edited by FairySlayer

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re: "A Slick Tradition," for the the Dribs, Drabs and Doggy Tales Week 5 challenge: Tradition.

2010-11-10 id # 3000037107

Self-admitted firstie to Phineas & Ferb ... interesting tradition there, FairySlayer. I don't remember GirlScouts having anything like that! Well-written! Thanks for sharing, PW

Thanks for chiming in on it. smile.gif Most of the hazing I know of involves the higher ranks inflicting pain and humiliation on the newly promoted, so it was fun to turn it around. Also, this way makes the lower ranks more eager to advance too.

Were you a Girl Scout? Yeah, I'm repeating the stereotypical notion that "so many" girls experiment with one another. I have to step back and wonder if it's really any more true of Girl Scouts than of Boy Scouts.

These limited-length challenges have been great for making me pick the fluff from the important. The freeform draft was 1999 words, and it took me several passes (and nearly four hours? ohmy.gif) to pare off a thousand words. I had written excessive detail about the uniforms and rank emblems, probably because I researched them so much yesterday. After cutting that I forgot to mention that Milly has three emblems (canon), but I hope her status was easy to deduce anyway.

If you want a small taste of the show's style then the "Squirrels in My Pants video should give you a good laugh.

Edited by FairySlayer

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Trust me, I have kids, and know Phineas and Ferb, the canon, quite well. I love Squirrels in the Pants. Every time I see where the mods here have nabbed another minor, I hear Candace singing, "Busted!"

This my firstie trip into P&F fanfiction, lol. I have to admit I don't really understand the cartoons fan fic thing, but then again, I don't understand a lot of things that float other peoples' boats. Doesn't make them any less fun to read!

I myself am enjoying the whole challenge thing immensely. It has been quite a positive experience all around, as a reader and a writer!

Keep those stories flowing!

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re: "How to Make OUT WITH Friends and INSEMINATE People" (Reviews)

Looking back now, perhaps the story title is too obscure of a reference: it's a play on the popular book How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. Apparently the reference is more dated than I thought. Oh well. smile.gif

Shiro_Wolfman_k: I feel honored that you'd read a fanfic for a show that you're not particularly interested in, and even more so that you enjoyed it. smile.gif I definitely appreciate you taking the time to reply, especially after you had also read "Candy, Little Girl" and didn't like it. (Again, in that case I tremendously appreciate you leaving a review anyway because it does help me).

It certainly was tempting to keep writing what happened after Betty joined them in the garage. However, it's true that it's better to leave people wanting more. I sometimes write past where a story needs to end before it suffers.

cowgirl65: I'm guilty as charged: I've used too many euphemisms for the erogenous parts, especially in my older stories. Using the same few words over and over again seems tedious to me, but I've come to realize that most people don't want be interrupted to "translate" so many variations. I've tried my best to cut back since, and balancing that is always on my mind.

Not to excuse myself, but it looks like I either didn't have someone beta read it, or the person who did is someone who is very fond of that sort of thing.

Now, I am truly tickled smile.gif that you caught some of the incidental humor. I didn't want to put too much focus on Paloma's unfamiliarity with Earth ways. Comedy absolutely is the hardest thing to write, and most people never mention my subtle asides. Perhaps they're too subtle, but I always err on that side, though it could be that most of them simply miss the mark. (One has to try though, right? smile.gif)

Most importantly, I'm glad you found it sexy and enjoyed reading it. Thanks for reading it and sharing your thoughts.

Edited by FairySlayer

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Here are some long overdue replies to reviews for my darker Phineas and Ferb story "Candy, Little Girl" (reviews).

I've been starting back up on this story again after about a year's delay (geesh!). It's not general writer's block because I've managed to write two other complete stories and even re-write a third one in that time. I wrote myself into a corner with part 7 and am finally finding the path to safety. I'm dying to complete the story. So for anyone who has been looking forward to updates, I am sorry.

(If you see me spending too much time in the ShoutBox during the weekdays then feel free to tell me to get back to work! :)

UnknownReviewer 2010-04-21

It's spelled Suzy rather than Susie, by the way. Also I noticed some mistakes in the grammar in I believe the second chapter, I'll try to find them again.

I've been enjoying your brand of creepy eroticism for this story. I registered to the site to leave a comment since you don't allow anonymous reviews. I assume you don't get the comments that I think you should be getting, due to the fact that you involve children in sexual aspects of your stories. That might turn some people off. That's not a knock against you or anything, I enjoy it. I also appreciate that you're timely with your updates.

One thing I really enjoy about your story are certain vague implications of the relationship between Candace and her father.

First of all, sorry to make you register to leave a review, though I'm surprised delighted one would do that just to comment on my work. (I would have had the anonymous option turned on if I'd seen it at the time.) I'm glad you enjoyed it so far and that my hints and foreshadowing are working like they were intended. Better for the reader to finish a passage and say "Oh yeah" than "Huh?" :)

Strangely, I never got a single flame (that I can remember) for my lemons; between venues and tags only people looking for this kind of story would find it. Long before I was writing lemons one kid did attack me and the co-writer on a story that involved descriptions of tastefully obscured nudity.

Thanks for the correction on Suzy. However, a month or two ago I realized I'd used the name Donna instead of Linda throughout the entire story! While putting more notes in the file I was typing in "Linda" without even thinking about it, and that's when I noticed the big boo-boo. (It's because of that "Lindana" thing. DUH-ME on that one, as I should have kept the character list handy.)

As above, the reason I was "timely" was that the first six parts had already been published before on my W— site (before I broke ties). I wish I could make it up to you beyond simply finishing the story because I do feel awful about it, especially after your thoughtful and helpful comments.

Christopher 2010-05-05

Personally, I hope that Perry's plan absolutely fails! I like Hugh, and it's not what he is doing that is driving Candace nuts in the slightest.

Well, in the show she does drive herself crazy the most, and it's poor Heinz usually ends up getting screwed in the end... Heh heh heh.

Fenray 2010-05-06

"Fenton Works", Racoon City being dead. Am I the only one who finds this funny? Classic bits the lot of them.

I think you captured the characters well, dispite the content, it fallows the shows style really well. And that's hard to do in most cases.

I for one hope Perry's plan works. All the rest on them seam to be doing it cuz they want to, or out of love, or at least out of a positive place. Hugh is a guy who is manipulating, controlling, and a bit of a sadist,. He may not of put candice in her curent state, but he seems responsible for the pain she feels. So, Go Perry!

What ever you do, I'm excited to see more.

Thank you so much! I love it when people notice the little allusions and sprinkles of (what I think is) humor. I put a lot of thought into then thoughts and feelings (and especially rationalizations) that led step dad to his "preference." Maybe I still waffle a bit in my mind because kind of thing is a bit outside of my comprehension, but I try to explore it in a few stories.

Regardless I definitely don't feel sorry for him, but I am sorry for the long delay in updates (and, oh yeah, these replies).

Shiro_Wolfman_k 2010-07-14

This is one of the stories that I can acept by any means, just because I dont think that Lawrence would do that, yes is a story and for you to reach what you are trying to say, I just can't stand nor acept the Idea of him being a rapist.

I flash readed all the story so far, I din't minded the Stacy/Candace because, well, in some part of my mind I find that, THAT could happen, even if motivated by simple curiosity, Phineas and his mom, well that is done almost in all the fanmedia, Isabella and Phineas that's a almost needed matter, and, I would say that they are a few questions that I would like some answers, but it's probably that I will never read this again.

It's seems that Susy was not only raped but, probably coerced to be in his hands, and could probably never scape, Isabella seems to know that LAwrence is dangerous, or at least, I think that he abused her in a moment, something I despise just to think.

And Poor Dr, Doofenzmirzt, This will not end well, whit is usually luck, he will be caught, and he will pay the prize for being "good", and it will be probably his own daughter who "busted" him.

PArt of me whant to find a Happy ending to this story, but my real and really nasty side has told me that's probably not gonna happen.

So sorry, but this is not what I was looking for.

This story is dark and definitely not for most tastes, I know, so your commenting on it anyway is really appreciated. Even though it's too late to make a case for it I am sorry I didn't finish in time to answer those questions (as there is lots of foreshadowing and hints). Also, never underestimate the power of the tweest. :)

Thanks for letting me know what you think. Every bit helps.

pittwitch 2010-11-20

Yay for Perry! Love the platypus! Interesting switch on the normal evil stepmother theme. Not so sure about the cartoon thing for me anyway. Had to stop when my kids turned P&F on in the RL. Still love that Perry is the hero! Thanks for sharing, PW

I can't imagine trying to read (or write) this close to watching real episodes, being so much more upbeat and full of happy endings. (I like happy endings.) It's good of you to comment even though you aren't into the toon aspect, plus the fact that you're a parent, so I appreciate your kind words even more. You may have heard the joke that most people would be disgusted more because my writing is about toons than because it's about underage sex.

:tomato:

The molesting stepfather may be a bit of a cliché, like the evil stepmother, but most abusers are family or close friends of the family. (This is all worthy of a full discussion someday, perhaps.)

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I didn't expect "A Snow Related Story" (story) - (reviews) to get much attention, but I'm sorry to be so late in responding in any case. The title is just what I happed to write in the subject line of my to-post file and... what the heck. biggrin.gif

Mwahahahaha! Poor Frosty!

Another happy childhood memory raped and murdered by yours truly. smile.gif Now I even wonder myself if there is such thing as a snowman fetish.

Eek, poor snowman! Definitely NOT what I was expecting! I was actually expecting it to be the other way around, an evil snowman going around raping/killing humans, and most certainly not the way you presented it! Kudos to you for completely and utterly flooring me! *claps ferociously* And all of this in a bloody TwitFic! Unbelievable!

The inspiration came in a flash, and it seems more poetic being short as possible. Writing anything short definitely isn't my forte. (I was hoping for a surprise angle, letting the reader figure out who the victim was, but the need for a disclaimer overrides all else.)

Besides, everyone has time for a quick twitfic. wink.gif I'm glad you enjoyed it so much.

I laughed at the story, and at the forum edit about remembering what the crime scene tag meant (working that in would have been a challenge biggrin.gif). So Frosty got iced and you set it out very well in the brief wordage. Particularly good is how just using 'frozen juices' and 'thigh marks' clearly implised the sexualised slaying as opposed to, say, a hit over his gambling debts.

The imagery seemed like the simplest way to get across why he'd been attacked. If it had been gambling debts then they'd have broken his limbs, but for him they're easily replaceable. wink.gif I'm very happy to hear about the laughter.

By the way, nice pun there too. biggrin.gif

Once again, you have surprised me FS...

Is that a good thing or a bad thing? If the former then I'll try harder next time. :evillaugh: Thanks. Edited by FairySlayer

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These are replies for my week 10 challenge (Gifts) entry, "It's the Wrought That Counts" (story) - (reviews).

Silly ponies... books are the BEST gifts! And how sweet of Spike to get so overwrought... the best gift of all!

Thanks for reading an MLP story, first of all, and then for the kind words of appreciation. As a kid I'd have disagreed about the books-as-gifts idea, but even then I remember getting some that I loved.

I'll confess, Spike might have been a teensy bit out-of-character, even if it was off-stage. He gets ticked off every so often but they know he'd never actually hurt any of them. The fillies certainly felt guilty enough after Twilight Sparkle bolted, so he probably didn't need to say much. Sure, I tried to imply a few things, but since the viewpoint is only on TS we'll never know exactly what.

Ain't I a stinker? tongue.gif

Awwwww, all WAFF from you too? What has come over the AFF crowd this week? Some sort of spirit no doubt! I loved the way Spike was the protagonist! And the book titles were PERFECT! Great job dear, and as always, thanks for sharing! PW

From your review it seems like you've seen an episode or two of the show, hmm? — or maybe I'm reading way too much into it. smile.gif Anyway, I tried to keep close to the show's premise and include "a lesson." Basically it's an "abbreviated Act III" and bound to be a bit mushy. And, yes, I wanted a good ending for all of them, especially on Christmas eve.

I'm wishing the same for everyone IRL too.

I, uh, I never thought I'd read a My Little Pony fanfiction. It was weird enough reading the Something Positive strips with the evil queen pony. Glad I did though because those book titles were pretty great - some of them sound like things I'd want to read. "Spooky Tales of Spontaneous Meteorology" in particular could be a NY Times bestseller biggrin.gif

So far as the plot, it was pretty cool how she got back and they liked the gifts. Happy ending! I suspect there's even more humor in the choice of titles for people familiar with the characters?

Hay, er, Hey, I greatly appreciate that you were willing to read it. (Maybe you saw my disclaimer? wink.gif) I knew picking MLP:FiM for the prompt would be risky, but I did aim for accessibility with this tale. Still, I'm a bit squeee! by the number of reviews.

You're right that the titles are tied to the characters' personalities, in line with Twilight Sparkle's efforts when finding the books. (So of course they'd have to like them!) The only joke one though was about "The Bronian Empire" — "Bronies" are adult fans who rave about the show on 4chan — excitable people sort of like Pinkie Pie herself.

Spooky Tales of Spontaneous Meteorology was a little different because Rainbow Dash is an impulsive adrenaline junkie, so it had to be something very stimulating: In Equestria the weather is directly controlled by pegasi, so she's freaked out by The Everfree Forest because the weather runs by itself there. (The hungry manticores, sea serpents, etc. are other good reasons to be afraid of it too.)

I hope that isn't too much detail.

Hah, what a sweet story. I think you're very good with characterization and plot, especially since readers utterly unfamiliar with the cartoon (such as me) can still get a pretty good idea of the characters' personalities. I particularly enjoyed the ending, since it was a very unexpected twist. And the extra twist at the very last line, which stated that yes, the books were interesting after all. The distress was very well portrayed and there were a lot of nifty details thrown in. I am very pleased by how the story flows. It's very easy to get lost in it and just read it all the way to the end in one go.

Well, I can hardly resist using a tweest (twist) in my stories, but using two is something I'd usually eschew. The part about them actually liking the books was in keeping with the show itself... plus Pittwitch was spot on that I craved wanted some warm and fuzzy feelings for all of them too.

Using the titles was actually a great help for describing their personalities without having to give them more dialogue or action; and I always give light physical descriptions to help readers who aren't familiar with the fandom. (Yes, the visual thing — I just saw your other review.) When I finished the first draft I was worried the long titles and descriptions would put the story well over the limit, but I was close to a hundred under. Phew!

I'm very glad you found it easy to read in one shot, and I'm guessing (hoping) without having to use Wikipedia. There were one of two reservations I had about the flow, but I'm certainly not going to point those out now. wink.gif

More importantly, it sounds like you enjoyed it.

Aw! It's cute!!! And I love the twist, that they just didn't wanna make the dragon upset! *giggles*

Deep down I knew you'd read it.

After the last couple of prompt stories I've written, plus with the holidays here, I wanted to write something uplifting. And how could anyone write something dark about the adorable ponies?* Thanks for the comments, and I hope you get your own baby dragon for Christmas. smile.gif

Everyone, thanks for taking the time to read and review.

* We'll see... For better or worse, we'll see. MWUHAHAHAHAHA!

Bibliography

(With attempted jokes for those familiar with the series.)

  • The Age of Equestrian Unreason, by Specs Love
  • Fashion! A Horsetorical Perspective, by Luxury Just
  • Spooky Tales of Spontaneous Meteorology, by Withers Chanél
  • Ertiveness: Assertiveness Without Being an Ass, by Cotton Tuyu
  • Best Bashes of the Bronian Empire, by Fortune Lurker tongue.gif
  • Agriculture and Societal Advancement, by City Planter
  • Alexandrite to Zinc Ferrite, by Crystal Sport
Edited by FairySlayer

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Well, I can hardly resist using a tweest (twist) in my stories, but using two is something I'd usually eschew. The part about them actually liking the books was in keeping with the show itself... plus Pittwitch was spot on that I craved wanted some warm and fuzzy feelings for all of them too.

Using the titles was actually a great help for describing their personalities without having to give them more dialogue or action; and I always give light physical descriptions to help readers who aren't familiar with the fandom. (Yes, the visual thing — I just saw your other review.) When I finished the first draft I was worried the long titles and descriptions would put the story well over the limit, but I was close to a hundred under. Phew!

I'm very glad you found it easy to read in one shot, and I'm guessing (hoping) without having to use Wikipedia. There were one of two reservations I had about the flow, but I'm certainly not going to point those out now. ;)

More importantly, it sounds like you enjoyed it.

Ahhh, I see. Normally I have a hard time processing WAFF, but in this case I knew it was supposed to be a children's show and went with it. Wasn't half bad! :D

Yup, I have to commend you on that one, I could get an idea of the characters' personalities from the titles alone. Well done.

Hahah, yes, I didn't have to use Wikipedia at all. Even if I felt I was missing out on in-jokes, it's what happens when you have never watched the show in question. The pacing is a bit hurried in one or two places, but it's a Flashfic and therefore perfectly understandable. Honestly, you shouldn't worry about pacing or the like when you have a word limit! It was good. It flowed, all in all, remarkably well. Glided, if you will, like a magical pony down a rainbow. ;)

I did enjoy it, actually. It was nice, mainly because it had a good balance of humour and sweetness. If it had been treated seriously, I might have bolted. But the jokes made it entertaining to read!

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You mean something dark... Like this? :D

I just saw that about an hour ago and had to laugh. Believe it or not, the premiere of MLP:FiM did have a similar power struggle.

Anyway, a friend likes to post "gloomdark" snippets on Fortune 4chan, so on Saturday I threw together a page of notes for something truly horrific. (Perhaps not quite on par with your abilities.) Then again, I'll give it a few days before deciding whether the idea is worth pursuing.

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For ShadowKnight's wonderfully detailed review of "Cakewalk on the Catwalk":

First off, I truly appreciate you going so far out of your normal domain to critique the four-way when I begged asked. I know that you were busy enough at the time, and that was before you were made Árbitro supremo de Fanfiction español.

Yes, I do aim for a good visual experience with any intricate scene (especially a four-way) and even with stories themselves. It is limiting. Being from a cartoon-focused world that seemed like the ideal, but lately I've been having doubts. (The 'Dick-in-Jane' cartoon lemons get an outrageous number of ratings and comments.) I do try to delve into characters' feelings but perhaps still too much from the outside. Actually, in this story I made a point to stick with one character's viewpoint in each scene, like you mentioned, and there is even a hierarchy of who is the focus in any scene (with a Strawberry on top). In a few cases "I had to" shift to include important details. Maybe that could be called "zooming in," which goes back to the highly-visual aspect.

I pick out issues with my previous stories and put extra effort into avoiding them in the current projects, and overcompensation ensues. It's a bit like trying to get a frilly (subjectively) edged bedspread perfectly even on the bed: every time you pull on one part all of the other edges move, so you have to step back and look again to see how well you did. Wordiness and rambling has been a big problem with several past stories (pre-lemon mostly), and I've wasted a lot of time writing epic pornographic tales that had too many side-stories or plain overkill.

So I can cop to it being over-rehearsed with how "everything being too clear" in the sex and other scenes. Usually I'd like to include more awkwardness and mistakes in young love, or even with adults, but tight got the better of me this time. I can't claim it was just for this chapter, either, because the earlier encounter between Strawberry and Ginger happened rather easily too. Of course I can find ways to rationalize these flaws away wink.gif , but it is what it is.

I'm not quite obsessed with word count, but I watch page count like a hawk. The big difference is that short paragraphs, whether light dialogue or actions, get the same leading as longer ones.

One big alligator on my ass is that my stories and style always seem to be in the same narrative voice. I'd hoped my first first-person story (the Ruby Gloom one) would help knock me out of the habit (and talk about seeing through a single character's experiences!), though I hadn't finished that story before tapping this one out. Actually, after seeing a few episodes of the DiC "Strawberry Shortcake" (at my co-beta's enticement) this story forced itself to be tapped out within a couple of weeks. However, I did enforce my mandatory "freeze" periods so it certainly wasn't rushed... another thing you mentioned. (So still, no excuses for me!)

Also, I'm a bit too conservative when it comes to being messy and even "poetic" as you mention. Directing is one of my biggest fantasies (which means juggling lots of details; see "zooming in" above) and my biggest hobby is reviewing artwork (analyzing composition, technique, and especially meaning). Clarity is important in both, but there must be room for consumers' own interpretations too. When creating that last part is tough for me, so you're spot on that loosening up would be better. (Just so you know, I often cringe when I force myself to write lay instead of lie — this may be a long row to hoe for me. ohmy.gif)

And you got a good triple with that "cheesecake" simile, you silly person you! laugh.gif

So on the whole your review pointed out that I'm still having a lot of trouble with both things that I've already been trying to fix and and overcompensating for past sins. One bright side is that you didn't find any new severe flaws (unless they're buried by the other stuff!). Even better, your encouragement makes me feel freer to color outside the lines and loosen up things a bit. (I almost wrote "gives me license to" but that would be too stiff, right?)

Maybe I'll start with a first-person My Little Pony: FiM story from Pinkie Pie's point of view! (laugh.gif That MLP:FiM horror story I'm pondering could become absolutely hilarious if I could pull it off that way.)

Again, I appreciate the tremendous energy you put into this. It's clear to me that you read the chapter carefully and made sure you truly understood it before starting on that great review. So, in tribute to your comments, I won't spend way too much time tweaking and re-writing this reply either. ("Yeah, that's the ticket!" tongue.gif )

P.S. When it comes to the cute versus sexy comment, I like to quote a good friend: "Cute is just the first stage of sexy." That's not always the case, sure, but it sounds good.

Edited by FairySlayer

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re: "It's the Wrought That Counts"

I used to LOVE My Little Pony!! This was so cute!

Thanks. I'm still a bit surprised that this many people liked the story, especially being a children's show (though you wouldn't know that by looking at 4chan's /co/ lately). At this rate I may write only cute stories from now on... or maybe not.

By the way, if you happen to see any of the new series, the "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic" version, then let me know what you think of the differences. (But don't go out of your way just for me.)

(... do it for the ponies. wink.gif)

Edited by FairySlayer

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These are replies for my yet-again-murderous week 11 (Yule) entry, "Yule Regret This" (reviews)

2010-12-22 id # 3000037296

Ah, what a twist! They killed the fake monster before he could say his overused line. XD I came into this story thinking you were going to kill one of the gang. @_@

I noticed a few minor errors, but overall, your story had a good flow to it. Nice job. smile.gif

The only Scooby Doo character I'd ever kill — and want so very badly to kill — is Scrappy Doo. As for the errors, I was in a rush to get it done and posted before the muse left me. (All day I've been struggling to pick up the thing I was working on before.)

Thanks for the note. smile.gif

2010-12-22 id # 3000037297

Oh, this was wonderful! I absolutely loved the solution to disposing of the monster...something I would have done myself! However, I find myself craving a sandwich and a roaring fire to eat it by... biggrin.gif

The idea of Shaggy shooting a ghost has been rolling around in my mind for years. Seriously, if they're really ghosts then bullets should go right through them, right? From now on they should immediately hand out the shotguns whenever they go to investigate a mystery. The hauntings will mysteriously stop instantly!

Yeah, I need a good sandwich too, and I don't think I've been near a fireplace in years. Maybe I'll get a sub and light some candles at home tonight. (Eggnog and rum sound pretty good to me right now too. smile.gif )

2010-12-22 id # 3000037298

Hahahahahaha, wow, this was just hilarity piled upon hilarity! The fact that it should have been horribly disturbing but actually wasn't (at least to me) only compounds the fun. The build up to the climax really felt like the cartoon, you have some excellent attention to detail and the "show off the research" attitude is very obvious. Very nice build up with zaniness and an excellent conclusion. It also really shows how thick the group is, how they're all willing to cover for each other.

I'd critique only the single typo I found "than" should be "that" in the sandwich description of the fake ghosts, and the fact that we see very little focus on Scooby Doo when the "Yule log" conclusion plays out. Loved the "rotten pine" comment, though. All in all, an excellent job! Very true to the series!

As far as I know, there's no law against killing a tree (that's not on city property), and how was Shaggy supposed to know? (... besides the fact that he's helped solved hundreds of other phony hauntings and monster sightings in the past ... smile.gif) The show is so firmly etched in my brain that it's impossible not to have the research all there.

I think they'd be an extremely tight bunch no matter what. There's a lot of trust there, though now that Freddy knows that Shaggy has a gun he may listen harder when Shaggy says he doesn't want to split up while searching.

Yes, the Rushing Monster (looks like an alligator) was on my ass, so stuff slipped. I'll fix it eventually. And yes, I should have included Fred and especially Scooby in the final scene somehow. Maybe the scared dog would be consoled with a freshly roasted meat of some kind, still on the bone. wink.gif

Scooby-dooby... ruh, rhatever.

2010-12-22 id # 3000037299

Snydington -- nice word play.

"Definitely not the best Yule log," LOVED it!

What a great Yule gift!

Thanks for sharing. PW

Of course "the butler did it," and what are butlers if not a little uptight? The wife would have been a good "surprise," but I figured the less overall intrigue the better.

At least none of them had a problem letting some weird looking teens wander unattended all over their property and with full access to their most valued possessions. It would have messed up the story otherwise, but that's something any of us would do, right? smile.gif

2010-12-22 id # 3000037300

When did Shaggy start carrying a gun and what idiot was silly enough to approve him for one? LOL!!!! Killer Christmas tree's and nasty yule logs... I love it! Great characterization of the gang as well!

(Note: Today's Captcha is 'Dendoy onk' which totally sounds like a Scooby-ism)

He probably won an eating contest. His opponent who didn't have enough cash to cover the bet and gave him the Colt instead. (By the way, why would I choose a Colt over a Smith & Wesson or some other brand, hmm? tongue.gif) As for killing trees, the toughest enemies in Sailor Moon, besides the evil queens, were the tree-based monsters. And isn't there some world-domination cult calling itself the National Arbor Day Foundation or something? EEEVILLLE!

The first kill is always the hardest, but one way or another they'll never need to make complicated traps again. "I AM THE DOM GHOST! GET OUT! WOOooOOOooO-Oh EFFIN' A! I give up! Don't shoot! You can have the treasure!"

That's a great Captcha. I remember the one I got posting the first time on The Archive was something amazing too, but I'll have to look it up when I get home.

Thanks again everyone. biggrin.gif By the way, did you know that Velma was on the cover of Skeptic magazine last year? wink.gif

Edited by FairySlayer

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re: "Yule Regret This"

Roaring fires - just the thing to dispose of an inconveniant corpse when Scooby's already too full to eat it. The line "A tree that cuts down people?" made me laugh out loud, although I figured they ought to think themselves lucky it wasn't the tree from the first Evil Dead movie... Plus, with a Pine costume you can claim a hypothetical 2nd score on the Evergreen prompt biggrin.gif

Fred and Daphne: The obvious couple while everyone else was exploring. How Daphne wasn't pregnant five cases in is a Mystery the Mystery Machine couldn't explain as Fred didn't seem the condom buying type... It is brief, but it sure does fit.

Shaggy's gun did seem a little unexpected, but is more realistic, especially for a scared American wink.gif

Good one and you'd probably have to go a long way to find someone who didn't know Scooby and friends

I've been trying harder to stick with the iconic shows, especially for cartoons. I've been dying to use "Ben 10 (etc.)" but it's not something most folks here would be familiar with, or at least that's my guess. As for Shaggy, it's about time maybe he just got tired of being chased.

Daphne is from an upper crust family, so I'm sure she's at least on the pill to avoid any scandal or whatnot. There's even a chance that she won't go all the way yet, but being in such close contact and having a bond already makes that unlikely.

One thing that I should have done differently is letting Shaggy find the bread but look for the knife; when the tree monster follows them into the walk-in he'd see the tinsel glittering and assume it's a knife. Also, if I'd had a few words to spare, Snydington may have said that he expected them to pretend to be tree doctors or beauticians like they always do. wink.gif

I've only heard a little about the Evil Dead tree, but it sounds like a much sexier way to go (for the viewer, not the victim).

Second score on Evergreen, eh? Maybe it would be fun to "build up" these challenge stories by including or alluding to previous ones. That's a stretch though.

Thanks for reading and for the comments. smile.gif

Edited by FairySlayer

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These are my replies to reviews for "Moonstruck Down" (reviews), which was written for the week 16 challenge Moon.

How did I know that parents of teenagers would be the first to reply? (It's even in the disclaimer.)

Face hoof! Face hoof! You do know in my reality a face hoof would be a really bad thing, but that is hilarious! Fuck that! I'm going clubbing! Awesome. Grinning ear to ear like the true idiot I am! Thanks for sharing, FS, and nice to see you back!

It's good to know that people are still looking at these stories. By now I'd avoid the series, but being able to work in all of the background easily made it irresistible to write. Besides, don't we all wish we could just go have fun while someone else takes care of everything? (I get the impression that you arethat someone else most of the time.)

They never facehoof hard, plus it seems like they don't wear horseshoes on a regular basis. Then again, for the right amount of oats and carrots they may stop by the farrier's on the way to "talk to" anyone who's giving you grief.

Most of all, I'm glad it gave you a smile.

Oh, my! Somehow I think Celestia is going to be doing more than facehoofing. On the other hand, I wouldn't mind hanging out with Luna. Marvelous use of the prompt!

Thanks. Again, I'm glad that it has some general appeal at the very least.

Hanging out with a goddess and co-ruler who just wants to have fun would be great. smile.gif Celestia is too caring (and guilt-ridden) to get too worked up, but she's also patient enough to let Luna recover at her own pace and in her own way.

Actually, I imagine Luna going into Celestia's bedroom to "borrow" one of her saddles (which she'll need to stuff wink.gif) and finding her secret diary. After reading "A Prayer for My Sister" she'd run back to Celestia in tears and gladly resume her duties. (Millenniumagers and their mood swings...)

Thanks for the comments, ladies. Those are what make writing so much more gratifying.

:hug: :hug:

Edited by FairySlayer

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re: "Moonstruck Down"

Bwa ha ha... The way you suddenly change the tone of the dialouge half way through is very funny. I had this totally sappy sparkly pony image in my head, thinking "Yep, white pony, night pony, I guess this is what they do..." which suddenly came to a screeching halt of hilarity. It's the kind of joke that works really well in the shorter set up and wind down - facehoofed is presumably a sharper edged face palm? Inherantly funny word right there!

I had to look up Alicorn in the context of MLP, the non-MLP definition I recall didn't fit smile.gif Actually makes it even funnier than the standard ponies to my mental image!

(My search led me to someone describing "She is an Alicorn - a pegasus/unicorn combination made from two different ponies" which frankly gives me the idea of a very Dr Frankenstein meets stolen car chop shop operation)...

I'm glad you got a laugh out of it. Thanks. smile.gif Princess Celestia is a bit formal, but I may have overdone it; Luna doesn't say much once she's restored, but she was a bit stuck up in her "Nightmare Moon" phase. If just wants to go out and acting like a teenager that's much better than before.

Someone else had used the term "alicorn" so I poked around until I found a decent unicorn site to back up Wikipedia's definition: a unicorn's horn primarily but and equine with "all the options" in contemporary writing. At the very beginning of the series they refer to Celestia using "her unicorn powers," so I probably should have used "winged unicorn" too.

Some of the stuff in the three earlier series is downright disturbing, at least from screencaps that have been posted. And don't worry about the facehoof because it's just a pony putting her "palm" on her forehead in a "D'OH!" moment, and maybe shaking her head too.

Edited by FairySlayer

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These are my replies to reviews for 'Letters from "Derpy"' (reviews).

I saw this show for the very first time today and thought of poor Bubbly. These letters are very entertaining, though I do hope the poor filly finds some relief sooner or later!

{...}

"What a dock!!" The equine cursing gets me every time! Poor Bubbly just can't get a break. I almost feel bad for laughing.

Again, thanks for the kind words, and I'm glad you're enjoying it. Bubbly seems to be doing better for herself, no matter how much she's hating it. The equine cussing / puns are tough sometimes, so I'll try harder.

There are only a few more to go and all will be revealed!

aww, poor Derpy!

I think she's a survivor, no matter what thoughts her weakest moment brought. Thanks for commenting. Edited by FairySlayer

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re: 'Letters from "Derpy"'

Okay, now we have an alcoholic mail carrier pony, who thinks everyone is out to get her? Interesting enough. Had me giggling at some of the sign offs! Thanks for sharing, PW

The smallest things can get us into weird situations we never imagined. Maybe her coltfriend breaking up with her was a big shock, but she's better off without someone like that. Anyway, her new "friends" may not be great, but it must beat being lonely. At least Princess Luna is forcing her to get out of the house and socialize. The forcing part is probably the biggest issue.

Thanks for checking out this silly tale. Three more letters and it's all done — yay!

Edited by FairySlayer

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re: 'Letters from "Derpy"'

What an excellent twist! I'm glad she found her rightful place in the spotlight. All the rocker-ponies' names were spot on, too. Trixie would definitely be Ego, haha.

Thanks. I'm happy the twist went over all right even after "her" language tried to straddle the line between ambiguous and implying some bad stuff happening. For the names it took a while of going through the basic (opposite) traits and then digging through synonyms or others which were closer or even better.

She just needs to write one more letter and then, phew! the series will be finished. It was never supposed to be more than the first letter itself, but after posting it on 4chan I felt like the character deserved something better. Besides, without "Derpy" all of the Bronies wouldn't be bouncing with glee today after she was cross-eyed and clumsy in the new episode (for all of 1½ seconds). smile.gif

Edited by FairySlayer

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