InBrightestDay

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  1. Like
    InBrightestDay reacted to JayDee in JayDee's (Originals) review reply, story discussion and additional notes thread   
    *Goes to put head back in box. Sees law books leaning on shelf. Shrugs*
    Won’t be any minor1 tags for me! And yes, fair assumption on the MCD but there are some exceptions where the death is super quick/not a focus but I felt needed tagging anyway eg The Morpheus Potion where I think there’s only the starting swing of an axe and the death isn’t detailed, or even that Shokan Lust story where there’s one character stomped to death briefly and another dude got skinned/killed in a few lines, but it is by no means a snuff fic. Possibly less violence than the average round of Mortal Kombat really.
    I’m just not into writing much at all at the moment. Everytime In the past I’ve said I’m through with writing I went back and did something else, so no curious if not saying it will free me!
    Literally anything of mine could be revised to be so much better!
    Years ago me and the pervs on Deathstalker’s old forum used to have a “paragraphs of snuff” thread, telling some of that kind of fetish material in just a few sub-flashfic sentences. Some of it definitely hit the spot! I still remember some of their paragraphs now, while they almost certainly have totally forgotten my shit efforts. As bad as they are, the only reason I haven’t stuck a compendium of mine up on AFF is I’d need like one for misc games one for misc books etc and it felt like too much effort doing all the disclaimers.
    Never underestimate the ability of fetish folk to find just a few words revving their engine.
    There was that one time I was at the bus stop and a nerdy woman sat down next to me and said “I’m Kizzy. I prefer your funny stuff.”  But apart from that, no. And when creating original characters these days I’ll sometimes have a bit of a google search to see if he name is either super common or not appearing for anybody alive!
    Darn it all! Can’t write fiction but I can jaw for hours on forums on my day off. It’s like 1999 all over again!
  2. Like
    InBrightestDay got a reaction from InvidiaRed in InBrightestDay's (Originals) Review Reply & Discussion Thread   
    So, now for my reply!
    Revealing my own literary ignorance, I’ve never actually read Of Mice and Men.  I do really need to get around to that at some point.
    My personal recommendation would be for After Party to come first.  I think the tension in the first part of After Party at least partly comes from not knowing who or what Yua is, and the spoiler might lessen that early fear.  Parlor Games, I think, works perfectly after being spoiled, just in a different way.  Knowing who Cody and Yua are, in my opinion, makes for a kind of anticipation when the brothers show up at the house, with the audience knowing fully just how screwed these people are, and it might even make some lines (Yua’s “I wasn’t expecting to have a meal delivered”) considerably funnier.
    That was all @JayDee.  I mentioned I felt kind of bad for Todd after Yua sent him running, and JayDee came up with this epilogue showing how Cody helps him get to safety.  Completely agreed on Auntie Pearl, who’s a wonderfully colorful character.
     
    They’ve probably done some stuff on the couch before, so it would have been possible for Chad and Ricky to look in the window and find them making out or engaged in foreplay (I figure they’d probably move to the bed, or Yua would haul him up into the web, before things went too far).
    As for teaming up with JayDee to do something erotic, I did have an idea recently.  Not sure if I should do it, but it would be set after WitS (I know; I’ll be working on that tonight ), as well as its immediate sequel New Year’s Visitation, and it would involve revisiting an old joke JayDee and I shared one time, only maybe a little bit more serious this time around…
    At any rate, thank you so much for the review!
  3. Like
    InBrightestDay got a reaction from InvidiaRed in InBrightestDay's (Originals) Review Reply & Discussion Thread   
    So, now for my reply!
    Revealing my own literary ignorance, I’ve never actually read Of Mice and Men.  I do really need to get around to that at some point.
    My personal recommendation would be for After Party to come first.  I think the tension in the first part of After Party at least partly comes from not knowing who or what Yua is, and the spoiler might lessen that early fear.  Parlor Games, I think, works perfectly after being spoiled, just in a different way.  Knowing who Cody and Yua are, in my opinion, makes for a kind of anticipation when the brothers show up at the house, with the audience knowing fully just how screwed these people are, and it might even make some lines (Yua’s “I wasn’t expecting to have a meal delivered”) considerably funnier.
    That was all @JayDee.  I mentioned I felt kind of bad for Todd after Yua sent him running, and JayDee came up with this epilogue showing how Cody helps him get to safety.  Completely agreed on Auntie Pearl, who’s a wonderfully colorful character.
     
    They’ve probably done some stuff on the couch before, so it would have been possible for Chad and Ricky to look in the window and find them making out or engaged in foreplay (I figure they’d probably move to the bed, or Yua would haul him up into the web, before things went too far).
    As for teaming up with JayDee to do something erotic, I did have an idea recently.  Not sure if I should do it, but it would be set after WitS (I know; I’ll be working on that tonight ), as well as its immediate sequel New Year’s Visitation, and it would involve revisiting an old joke JayDee and I shared one time, only maybe a little bit more serious this time around…
    At any rate, thank you so much for the review!
  4. Like
    InBrightestDay reacted to JayDee in InBrightestDay's (Originals) Review Reply & Discussion Thread   
    Back once again into @InBrightestDay’s thread with a review reply to that joint effort Parlor Games!
    Thanks for the review! I’m glad you’ve had a second crack at it as InBrightestDay has some super cool horror atmosphere in there.
    I finally read Of Mice and Men during the last few months. Can absolutely see some similar characteristics there, I suspect that story set the template that sheer pop culture exposure has led to similar characters feeling alike. At least Cody didn’t shoot Todd in the head. Would probably have been a little out of character.
    This is definitely more one for InBrightestDay to answer – but I guess I’d say After Party would be the best one to start folks with, with it being purely InBrightestDay’s take on ‘em and, yeah, the fact that the other one has a buncha sex definitely has some AFF appeal. Yua not turning out to be a yaoi fangirl and getting the guys to blowbang Cody probably a good thing really. Also out of character for a start.
    Thanks!
    That coulda worked! InBrightestDay’s current collaboration with another author has had some smoking hot bits so it would probably have been mostly his guidance on the sex stuff anyway – I mean, with it being his characters he’s got a better feel of what they do to each other.
    Thank you again for the view, very much appreciated
  5. Like
    InBrightestDay got a reaction from JayDee in lets have a little fun with the COVID-19!   
    The problem is that none of my other characters can really do this prompt.  Lady Aldreda and her squire Elis exist in a medieval fantasy setting, and The Woman in the Statue is set in 2082, so that’s not really an option either.  I suppose I could do a Cindy and Ryan semi-romantic smut story where Ryan helps Cindy relax after a very stressful day at the hospital, but you know, that might gross some people out, given their relationship.
    Edit: What I meant by that was that Cindy is Ryan’s big sister.  They’re that...special kind of brother and sister.
  6. Like
    InBrightestDay got a reaction from JayDee in InBrightestDay's (Originals) Review Reply & Discussion Thread   
    Well, alrighty then!
    Japanese is an interesting language, specifically in its written form.  Different characters (kanji) can be pronounced the same, due to the limited number of sounds the human vocal apparatus can make, but mean very different things.  The word “jorōgumo” is thus written in two different ways.  The first way, 女郎蜘蛛, translates as “whore spider”.  Given that they are succubus-like spider monsters, it’s accurate enough, but a bit on the nose if you ask me.  The second way, 絡新婦, translates as something like “binding bride.”
    In fact, the second way of writing it is actually where I got the name for the character.  Yua is a Japanese feminine name that comes from 結 (yu) meaning “to tie/bind” and 愛 (a) meaning “love/affection”.  Her last name, Hayashi, is written as 林 and means “forest”.
    I’ve thought about it, but have yet to employ the fire-breathing spiders in any of the stories; maybe later in something with more action.  Basically, all of those spiders that congregate in her vicinity, drawn to her natural magic?  Those aren’t just for show; she can control them, and in The Spider House I have a particularly nasty scene where she uses them Willard style.
    While it’s true that I did write a lot (though not all) of what happens inside the house from scratch, that was only because that was where JayDee’s excerpt ended.
    I mentioned this in the author’s note, but JayDee sent me this as a snippet with the K-Team, but they weren’t sure it fit those characters.  I suggested that maybe that was because the K-Team usually deals with explicitly magical stuff, so bad people weren’t really up their alley.  I then had the thought of using Cody and Yua, re-wrote the snippet to use that and sent it back to JayDee, who really liked it.  In the piece they sent me, “teats” was Shannon, and when Ricky does the pizza box thing, it was Kate at the door and Kizzy who told her to bring their visitors in.  After that, Kate took Ricky and Chad down to the basement (where she would go full wolf and eat them) while Kizzy and (I think) Shannon were going to keep Todd company in the living room and make sure he wasn’t hurt.
    JayDee’s excerpt also had a bit where Kate was eager to go down to the basement with the two guys, and they figured she had some home invasion fantasies that were way off.  It felt like a natural fit for Yua as well, so I was absolutely going to keep that.  I had to invent the new stuff with Yua in her true form snagging Chad and hauling him up into the web.  However, this is where we come back to JayDee, because...
    When I did the re-write, it ended on more of a horror note, with Yua looming threateningly over Todd, giving him that creepy smile and saying “Run home, little boy,” and him bolting out into the woods in terror.  I confessed, however, that I did feel kind of bad for him, since I wasn’t sure if he could find his way to someone who would help him.  JayDee then wrote that entire epilogue, inventing Auntie Pearl in the process, who turned out to be a super fun character who could definitely have her own story.
  7. Like
    InBrightestDay got a reaction from JayDee in "...or just plain review-whore!"   
    I did indeed get one.  I’m sorry you didn’t; I had hoped that co-authors would get notifications too.
  8. Like
    InBrightestDay reacted to JayDee in InBrightestDay's (Originals) Review Reply & Discussion Thread   
    So here I am, nudging in on @InBrightestDay’s review reply thread to reply on a review on the co-written story Parlor Games!
    Thanks for reviewing! All of the spider legend stuff is firmly from InBrightestDay. Still… Whore Spider?
    *Sound of running feet, then Shannon from the After Party story gunning engine back to California...*
    Yep! All InBrigthestDay that. When I first saw all the atmosphere the dude had brought in I was blown away. It went from a weak-ass home invasion of some teen girls (admittedly stretching the definition of teen for a couple of them. And also girl. But fuck it, so does pornhub caption writers) into a real horror fest. He done good!
    Definitey wouldn’t mind telling the story of the werewolf she saw bite a dude’s hand off and how she got to be there. Well, kind of a werewolf. Maybe a wolfgirl. One of those.
    Todd would have survived originally, but I liked how InBrightestDay used it to show how Cody was helping Yua to be more moral in her meals, and asking her to let him go. Gave some more drama to it I thought! Glad to see you liked that he survived :)
    Thanks again for reviewing! @InBrightestDay – it is your review reply thread so over to you :)
  9. Like
    InBrightestDay reacted to JayDee in "...or just plain review-whore!"   
    I’ve never been fair in my life and I don’t intend to start now! I wasn’t whoring for that one :p That one got some whole other pimpin’ going down.
    But, I sure am the paid fuck for this one! So firstly thanks for playing and reviewing and secondly do you have a preference for a oneshot or chapter you want me to review in return or should I just grab one at random, dive in, and try my best not to make too many dick jokes?
    Yup, that’s the nub of the matter. The nipple on the chest. The glans on… Haven’t done a lot of co-writing so was interested in seeing some reviews on one of the very few efforts.
    Oh, yours for sure. You did upload it! And it wouldn’t even be on the site if you hadn’t seen something better in it! On that uploading point – did you get a review notification email ‘cos I sure didn’t! Wasn’t sure if it was because I’m a co-author or because review notifications are turned off on it/you, or if they don’t go to anyone on co-authored stories...
  10. Like
    InBrightestDay got a reaction from JayDee in "...or just plain review-whore!"   
    I think the reason @JayDee was talking about Parlor Games is that they co-wrote it, as opposed to Social Distancing, which was all me.
    Of course, now that that’s happened, JayDee, whose review response thread do you want this to be on?
  11. Like
    InBrightestDay reacted to InvidiaRed in "...or just plain review-whore!"   
    To be fair, I did review Social Distancing
  12. Haha
    InBrightestDay reacted to JayDee in "...or just plain review-whore!"   
    Well. Good thing I don’t have an ego!
  13. Like
    InBrightestDay reacted to InvidiaRed in InBrightestDay's (Originals) Review Reply & Discussion Thread   
    Considering she hunts the dregs of society. She’d probably have the possibility to earn a boon. She is a required part of the ecosystem.  Now I got it in my head they should definitely meet.
  14. Like
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  16. Like
    InBrightestDay reacted to InvidiaRed in InBrightestDay's (Originals) Review Reply & Discussion Thread   
    I swear I wasn’t stealing your dialogue from the future!   No, in all seriousness, the characters are different (a jorōgumo and a death god) but they share in that same bittersweet experience of loving someone you know you’ll outlive.  That line of dialogue in particular is one I’ll be using in The Spider House, which is to be the formal introduction of Yua and Cody and how they became a couple.  It’s what I’ll be working on after I finish the last chapter of WitS.
    Duncan and Yua would get along. Well at least until she figures out his ties to the underworld. Though I do see a funny moment when and if she ever asks his age and he tells her he’s 299,317 years older than her. Haha.
    That bittersweetness is related to why he incarnates and changes names.
  17. Like
    InBrightestDay got a reaction from InvidiaRed in InBrightestDay's (Originals) Review Reply & Discussion Thread   
    Social Distancing is a story written for @kagome26isawsome’s prompt concerning COVID-19.  Basically, she proposed that some of us write stories about how our characters would be dealing with the pandemic.  Since Elis and Lady Aldreda live in a medieval fantasy world and The Woman in the Statue is set in the future, that left Yua and Cody.  Since jorōgumo like Yua can’t get sick (at least in my version of things; it’s possible yōkai may fall ill in myths I haven’t read), the only one at risk would be her human mate, Cody.  Now, at first, I was going to make this a fun/hot story where Yua shows the boy exactly how much fun it can be to be trapped inside the house with a woman who’s got seduction down to an art and has 683 years of experience...but then things changed.  I can’t explain exactly why, but it started getting more serious, focusing on what it means to be an immortal in a relationship with a human.
    And thus we come to our first review from @InvidiaRed!
    Yeah, the idea was that she isn’t smotheringly possessive all the time, but that the disease has made her even more protective of Cody than she normally is.  I do enjoy writing Yua because of the inhuman aspect of the character.  Luzurial is inhuman, but only in the technical sense, since her morality is essentially the same as ours.  Yua is a giant spider that can look like a beautiful woman when she wants to, and as such her perspective is very different.
    I swear I wasn’t stealing your dialogue from the future!   No, in all seriousness, the characters are different (a jorōgumo and a death god) but they share in that same bittersweet experience of loving someone you know you’ll outlive.  That line of dialogue in particular is one I’ll be using in The Spider House, which is to be the formal introduction of Yua and Cody and how they became a couple.  It’s what I’ll be working on after I finish the last chapter of WitS.
    Thank you!
  18. Like
    InBrightestDay got a reaction from InvidiaRed in InBrightestDay's (Originals) Review Reply & Discussion Thread   
    Social Distancing is a story written for @kagome26isawsome’s prompt concerning COVID-19.  Basically, she proposed that some of us write stories about how our characters would be dealing with the pandemic.  Since Elis and Lady Aldreda live in a medieval fantasy world and The Woman in the Statue is set in the future, that left Yua and Cody.  Since jorōgumo like Yua can’t get sick (at least in my version of things; it’s possible yōkai may fall ill in myths I haven’t read), the only one at risk would be her human mate, Cody.  Now, at first, I was going to make this a fun/hot story where Yua shows the boy exactly how much fun it can be to be trapped inside the house with a woman who’s got seduction down to an art and has 683 years of experience...but then things changed.  I can’t explain exactly why, but it started getting more serious, focusing on what it means to be an immortal in a relationship with a human.
    And thus we come to our first review from @InvidiaRed!
    Yeah, the idea was that she isn’t smotheringly possessive all the time, but that the disease has made her even more protective of Cody than she normally is.  I do enjoy writing Yua because of the inhuman aspect of the character.  Luzurial is inhuman, but only in the technical sense, since her morality is essentially the same as ours.  Yua is a giant spider that can look like a beautiful woman when she wants to, and as such her perspective is very different.
    I swear I wasn’t stealing your dialogue from the future!   No, in all seriousness, the characters are different (a jorōgumo and a death god) but they share in that same bittersweet experience of loving someone you know you’ll outlive.  That line of dialogue in particular is one I’ll be using in The Spider House, which is to be the formal introduction of Yua and Cody and how they became a couple.  It’s what I’ll be working on after I finish the last chapter of WitS.
    Thank you!
  19. Like
    InBrightestDay got a reaction from InvidiaRed in lets have a little fun with the COVID-19!   
    Alright @InvidiaRed, @JayDee and @kagome26isawsome, I’ve finally posted my story!  It took way longer than a 2,700 word story should have (sorry about that) but it is up.
    Social Distancing
  20. Like
    InBrightestDay reacted to JayDee in JayDee's (Originals) review reply, story discussion and additional notes thread   
    Oh, yes! I remember you saying about cutting it down some. Well, it’s great to see Flynn came through ok. That was a fun little chunk of text, but you do write combat super well. Badass moments for both Luzurial and Gibbs there!
    Thanks! I was trying to be funny, and if you want to fit it in go ahead! Uh. I typed that before realising the pun, honest.
    I like seeing yours too!
  21. Like
    InBrightestDay got a reaction from InvidiaRed in lets have a little fun with the COVID-19!   
    Alright @InvidiaRed, @JayDee and @kagome26isawsome, I’ve finally posted my story!  It took way longer than a 2,700 word story should have (sorry about that) but it is up.
    Social Distancing
  22. Like
    InBrightestDay got a reaction from JayDee in JayDee's (Originals) review reply, story discussion and additional notes thread   
    You kidding me?  It’s always an honor to work in this shared universe (the Angelverse?) with you!
    I also figured that the events of MRaD came just before WoH, given that the fics were posted so close together.  It was what inspired me to include Michael in WitS to begin with, actually.
    It didn’t.  As the National Guard (including the LTV Private Flynn was in) advanced into the area within Eparlegna’s barrier, they were swarmed by id constructs.  They dropped several waves with automatic fire, and were holding well, but that was when the Screamer attacked.
    An avian horror forged of Wrath, the Screamer resembled a giant vulture, its black wings spreading twelve meters across, hooked thumb talons sprouting from feathered flesh, its beaked jaws bristling with tooth-like projections of sharp bone.  Its name came from the weapon it employed as it attacked, swooping low over the soldiers and releasing a piercing , deafening shriek, a focused beam of sound that shattered glass, rattled the metal frames of the vehicles and stunned humans in its path, leaving them easy prey for other monsters.
    After its second pass, the Screamer landed in the middle of the National Guard formation, knocking stunned soldiers away with the hammer blows of its beating wings.  Moving on its feet and wings like a bat, it moved to the LTV and tore the driver’s side door off, dragging the screaming redhead out.  The Wrath construct made to seize her in its beak, to rend her flesh and scatter blood and viscera across the battlefield, its snakelike neck drawing back and striking, jaws spread wide...only for the Archangel Luzurial to step in front of it and catch its jaws, holding them open as it tried to bite.  Private Flynn scrambled back, and the beast tried to scream, but Luzurial slammed its head into the asphalt, blunting the sonic attack.  One of its wings reached for her, the thumb talon meant to slash at her, but she kicked it aside.  Still, she could not reach the machete she carried and slay the beast, forced as she was to hold its head with both hands.
    Of course, she didn’t have to.
    About ten meters away, Colin Gibbs had managed to rest his Gungnir on some wreckage while the rest of Chloe’s team fought off other id constructs.  Luzurial held the Screamer in place, and he fired a single shot, the hypersonic projectile piercing one of the monster’s eyes and erupting from the other side of its head in a gory explosion.
    Or, you know, something like that.
    I didn’t just make that up, by the way.  What you just saw was a deleted scene from The Woman in the Statue, which would have followed the bit where battle is joined.  I cut it because I realized that the important part of that scene was Luzurial’s big decision to trust humanity and not try to generate any incarnate virtues.  It would have been more detailed had I actually written it into the story, but I figured I’d explain it here anyway.
    Moving on!
     
    Okay, so…
    You just almost made me spit my drink all over my computer while laughing. I may have to include this in New Year’s Visitation now. No problem.   I always like seeing your work.
  23. Like
    InBrightestDay reacted to JayDee in JayDee's (Originals) review reply, story discussion and additional notes thread   
    Another review for Pandemic Head
    Thank you for the review! I appreciate it and also following the note at the bottom I’m very grateful for you spotting the three typos I’d missed like some kind of crazy fool person. Oh, and thanks for being cool with me tying in the details of the VD building with The Woman in the Statue lay out!
    I figured that the events of Mike Rapes a Dyke probably happened a little before Whore of Heaven and that’s why there was no mention of them in WoH, but if Mikey’s birthday is at the right date him being 37 there and 50 here and 112 just past New Year later it still fits! But, well, me and math…
    I think the only reason he would want to go to heaven would be to try to do something unpleasant to an angel. A sound thrashing with the butt of Temira’s spear would no doubt put an end to that before he even made it through the entrance. He’s an unpleasant guy and yet his business was claiming a social benefit doing pro bono defences for men without money for a good legal team. Got them some solid aquittals too. But, well…
    He doesn’t want to be forgiven and he definitely doesn’t want his victims to forget. He likes the terror and the trauma. 
    After what happened to the guy who was caught red handed hurting Declan’s daughter after Mike had finished with her  –
    Michael probably had a massive, massive oh shit moment when he realised who Declan’s daughter was. Declan explaining she didn’t speak after what Vinnie did to her would not have calmed his fears. I think unlike, say, Cadence he wouldn’t have had any direct pleasure out of getting Lily killed.
    Still that fear probably kept Declan’s neice Caitlyn safe from being assaulted. That nice single mother of twins, with the helpful and doting brother, whose granddaughter might well have a fine military career. Well, if an ID critter didn’t get her.
    He’s got it coming. Oh yes indeed. Unless you mean it literally, like have someone tug off the spider gag and hold Cadence’s head to his ass to bite it. Still, could be worse.
    “Calista, what’s that?”
    “This head in a box? Cadence. Found her in the VD tower. She’s the subject of my new research project.”
    “IT JUST BLINKED! IT’S STILL BLINKING!”
    “Morse Code. ‘My nose itches. Scratch it peasant.’ Now ‘Kill him! Bash his brains in! All men must die!”
    “It, uh...”
    “She mostly demands killing, yes.”
    Thank you! She’s part of that Eparlegna tradition, keeping heads alive. If it was good enough for his mortal mother…
    I suspect Cadence didn’t even need to murder those six people. Michael was probably there explaining there was a simple, easier version of the summoning, nut, well, homicidally insane. With her dear Daddy passed on since ABGBE there wasn’t anybody to rein her in. So, in a way, Eparlegna probably saved a few more lives. 
    Thank you again for reading and reviewing!
  24. Thanks
    InBrightestDay reacted to JayDee in lets have a little fun with the COVID-19!   
    Sexy off the table is fine -maybe have it under the table, or up the wall or…
    No I kid, I kid. I’m sure whatever ya do’ll be great. You’re a talented writer!
     
  25. Thanks
    InBrightestDay reacted to InvidiaRed in lets have a little fun with the COVID-19!   
    You shouldn’t compare so much. Your stories are delightful and sweet and we’ll wait with patience for whatever you decide to give us <3