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Tcr
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Posts posted by Tcr
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Another review from @Sinfulwolf on Hunted. YAY!
From SinfulWolf on March 20, 2019
Your action is indeed improving. There was some good fight in here, with good amounts of gore, and good descriptions. I was able to follow what was happening, and apreciate the brutality of it all. I think you should watch for the term "slit to tit" though. That really feels like something someone would say in conversation. And even then, it comes across very crude this brutal fight, and almost a touch disrespectful to your female protagonist.
Also, these last few chapters have been the one fight, and they're all ending in cliff hangers. This is starting to drag a bit, and instead of building the tension and concern, it's just stretching things unneccesarily. Especially since these chapters are fairly short. I think you should wrap the fight up at least next chapter, instead of using another cliffhanger.
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Your action is indeed improving. There was some good fight in here, with good amounts of gore, and good descriptions. I was able to follow what was happening, and apreciate the brutality of it all. I think you should watch for the term "slit to tit" though. That really feels like something someone would say in conversation. And even then, it comes across very crude this brutal fight, and almost a touch disrespectful to your female protagonist.
I'm glad the action is improving. It's always good when the reader can follow the fight and it's great you enjoyed the gore and brutality. I changed the statement in the chapter. Definitely didn't want disrespect in there, at least unintentional disrespect.
Also, these last few chapters have been the one fight, and they're all ending in cliff hangers. This is starting to drag a bit, and instead of building the tension and concern, it's just stretching things unneccesarily. Especially since these chapters are fairly short. I think you should wrap the fight up at least next chapter, instead of using another cliffhanger.
Good to know. You'll be happy to know that the fights are pretty much done (and this one is).
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Chapter 32 (Arrogance) is posted.
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Chapter 22 (A Change of Plans) is posted.
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On 3/18/2019 at 9:04 PM, GeorgeGlass said:
If I need inspiration for a story chapter, sometimes rereading previous chapters helps. Or rereading a story that’s in a similar vein to the one I’m currently trying to write.
I have done that. It always helps and occasionally a different idea pops in too. Many times, I just watch a movie (or play games) with similar ideas or actions (for example, Last Full Measure, while I haven't watched Aliens in a while, I have watched Starship Troopers while fighting with a chapter, as well as replaying Mass Effect (two other inspirations for it). (Have watched videos on YouTube, too, for both historical accuracy and some psychological accuracies too.)
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Well, the season of reviews continues (please don't be a dream, please don't be a dream!) with @InBrightestDayon Last Full Measure.
From InBrightestDay on March 20, 2019
Well, the atmosphere we got from the last chapter continues to build, and then some!Adara continues to be a rather enigmatic character. It's impressive how she can be sympathetic sometimes and then do something that makes me flinch at other times. In particular, her insistance on torturing the Rebel prisoner (okay, no one uses the T-word but that was the vibe I was picking up) is a much darker take on the character than I'd seen before. Granted, I understand why she wants to do it (the massacre she just witnessed), but still, I'm with Celeste in terms of being unnerved.
Speaking of being unnerved, that keeps up. It starts with the Rebel prisoner. In previous chapters, we've read about howbrutal Rebel tactics can be, so seeing this woman completely traumatized by what happened here really ramps up the tension. I also like how, when Celeste and Tirsa go to check out the armoury, there are hints of Things Not Seen moving about in the shadows, starting out lighthearted with the tarp joke, but then escalating with...whatever is or is not inside the armoury with Celeste and that Rebel.
Finally, while there's no goodtime to have a PTSD flashback, I'm pretty sure this was the worst possible time to have one. It's both a serious danger for Celeste in the here and now and gives us a nasty explanation of just where those scars of hers came from.
***
Well, the atmosphere we got from the last chapter continues to build, and then some!
Well, I definitely try. I'm of the belief that a well defined and created atmosphere adds whatever one wishes to the story (ie warm, terrific, terrifying, et cetera). And in the case of LFM, the two most important elements are the people (with emphasis on Laurier, Dennis, Finnegan, and Olafsdottir (the resident unit incests).
Adara continues to be a rather enigmatic character. It's impressive how she can be sympathetic sometimes and then do something that makes me flinch at other times. In particular, her insistance on torturing the Rebel prisoner (okay, no one uses the T-word but that was the vibe I was picking up) is a much darker take on the character than I'd seen before. Granted, I understand why she wants to do it (the massacre she just witnessed), but still, I'm with Celeste in terms of being unnerved.
Well, not sure if it came through completely, but it definitely did a little for sure. Adara, I started off as a complete bitch, but someone pointed out it would be a difficult task to redeem her (should it ever come up). So I lightened her hard ass bitch self... And she was supposed to still be in love with Celeste, even after everything. But, Adara is a consummate professional when it comes to mission ops. Lol. I wander in verbal circles.
Speaking of being unnerved, that keeps up. It starts with the Rebel prisoner. In previous chapters, we've read about howbrutal Rebel tactics can be, so seeing this woman completely traumatized by what happened here really ramps up the tension. I also like how, when Celeste and Tirsa go to check out the armoury, there are hints of Things Not Seen moving about in the shadows, starting out lighthearted with the tarp joke, but then escalating with...whatever is or is not inside the armoury with Celeste and that Rebel.
Lol. I'm glad the setting is unnerving still. Not to mention that, I'm the last person to write subtlety. Lol. But writing these things, making people wonder, alongside Celeste, if there is, if there isn't, or if something is stalking them was fun.
Finally, while there's no goodtime to have a PTSD flashback, I'm pretty sure this was the worst possible time to have one. It's both a serious danger for Celeste in the here and now and gives us a nasty explanation of just where those scars of hers came from.
Never a good time for PTSD, no. And this certainly was the worst time she could have one, definitely. It's definitely a sign of how truly shattered Celeste is and how much of a danger she is to the 77th and herself. In many ways, this goes to show that she is still cocky, still all but confident, arrogant, in herself.
As for the scars... This is partially how they happened. I know that I have said you dont need to have read "Christmas, Bloody Christmas" to understand or enjoy the story, but it does offer a look into Celeste (her arrogance and how she was scarred) prior to LFM.
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Chapter 11 (Who The Fuck Did?) is posted.
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Chapter 23 (A Fighting Chance to Live) is posted.
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And a review from @InBrightestDay on Last Full Measure. <fold into fetal (not curl, but fold, a feat to say the least> So much attention... SO MUCH ATTENTION!
From InBrightestDay on March 16, 2019
Well holy crap! Things just seriously escalated. I know you've said this story was influenced by Aliens, but this chapter has me wondering just how much.At first, I was actually thinking more along the lines of Predator, what with the soldiers goodnaturedly giving each other shit on the helicopter/dropship, but that stopped when we reached the colony. The massacre and the terrified rebel survivor really make me wonder whether this was done by humans at all. Did an attempt at a new rebel tactic go hideously wrong, resulting in something more like Reavers? Hecatoncheires is a terrestrial planet in the habitable zone, so does it have indigenous life, perhaps something really nasty that the soldiers on the base didn't know about? Or, after humanity has spent so much time warring with itself, did something come from outsidehuman space in ships of its own?
Things to think about for sure.
I did catch one little typo:
“Sergeant Major, we’ve reached thearmoured depot,” the voice of Private First Class Sam Dennis stated through her headset.
Given that the building is full of tanks and an APC, I'm assuming that was meant to be "armour depot"
Also, this seemed a bit odd.
“A rebel?” Sam asked.
“Not all rebels are hideous monsters of fairy tales, Sam,” Tirsa stated bluntly.
In the previous chapter, Sam was the one saying she admired the rebels for their focus and determination, as well as admiring their goal of independence. Maybe she's thinking of them as monsters right now because of what she's just seen, but it still felt a little strange.
All in all, though, this was a serious game-changer and I am eagerly looking forward to the next chapter!
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Well holy crap! Things just seriously escalated. I know you've said this story was influenced by Aliens, but this chapter has me wondering just how much.
At first, I was actually thinking more along the lines of Predator, what with the soldiers goodnaturedly giving each other shit on the helicopter/dropship, but that stopped when we reached the colony.
Lol. There are several inspirations. Lol. Aliens is probably the most notable. But Predator, too, and the game series Mass Effect, Star Trek, Star Wars, Battle of Castle Itter, Battle of Rorke's Drift, the Battle of Vienna... The battle of me rambling onwards... lol.
I wanted the good natured banter in there to keep showing the unit cohesion and the fact that they've mostly been together a while. I do hope it came through.
The massacre and the terrified rebel survivor really make me wonder whether this was done by humans at all. Did an attempt at a new rebel tactic go hideously wrong, resulting in something more like Reavers? Hecatoncheires is a terrestrial planet in the habitable zone, so does it have indigenous life, perhaps something really nasty that the soldiers on the base didn't know about? Or, after humanity has spent so much time warring with itself, did something come from outsidehuman space in ships of its own?
I struggled with what and how much to show when they dropped to keep suspense and tension growing. Based on the questions, I'd say went quite well. But I can't give away too much. Lol.
Oops, spelling. Although I might have that as routine... may have to double check.
And with Sam... Um... I think I originally had it as someone else, then cut that back to avoid too many characters in that kitchen and gave Sam the line. Oops, again.
All in all, though, this was a serious game-changer and I am eagerly looking forward to the next chapter!
YAY!!! Great to hear and I'm glad to keep your interest piqued.
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8 hours ago, pippychick said:
Thank you tcr!
Wow… I have reminded someone of Stephen King. I have now reached the pinnacle of my powers, lol. Chuffed to bits about that, especially since I do love Thinner. It’s a great horror story.
Aww… no dogs were hurt in the writing of this story.
I’m glad that the relationship with Liz came through, and that you saw that echo in the beginning and the end. Thanks again!
Lol. And the British side shines through. I had to read your line about chuffed to bits twice. Lol. Being honest, if you really expanded this out (not saying you have to, it's fantastic as is), I think it would surpass King. So, there's that.
I would hope no dogs were hurt... I'd be so betrayed.
And yep, the bookends you wrote were excellent and really showed how much he has changed and how much his torment has suffered him.
(And thank you, Pippy, for sharing!)
8 hours ago, pippychick said:Thank you for this review too tcr!
I think that if I rewrote this, I might try that very short beginning part without the use of pronouns at all, which would make it a smoother read.
Awe, made you blush
. You're welcome for it. . If you decide to rewrite, let me know, I'd definitely want to read it. And, honestly, I think the lack of pronouns would work just as well.
8 hours ago, pippychick said:From what I remember, I was creating an entire mythos here, represented by Angel and Demon. I’m sorry I didn’t continue it in some ways, because they were good candidates.
I’m glad it was hot…. that’s honestly the most important part.
You’re very good to me, and kind with these reviews. Thank you
It was well written. I'm sad you didn't continue it. I really want to read more of these two. And it's an intriguing mythos you have so far.
Lol. Hot is good. If it's not what is needed in the scene, it falls flat. You delivered on it all the way through.
It's easy when the writing's great, Pippy. But you're welcome all the same.
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I may have to wear sunglasses to view these shelves, all the attention they're getting. Another from @pippychickon Blood Prize.
From pippychick on March 16, 2019
Part 9 - 11I don't believe Chantal is dead, even if Kala does. It's just too awful, though I completely understand them leaving her - on her order. Better to lose one than lose all, but damn....
This thing they've picked up had better be worth it. I don't think they should just hand it over. Whatever it is, it's clearly important, and if Chantal is still alive, this thing might help to get her back.
I know... but I'm hoping...
Well, how can I start with an opening like that? Lol. I can't reveal a lot about following chapters or the characters involved, but I can say that you're going to enjoy them.
And definitely. To quote Trek, the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one. As much as Chantal may not seem like the greatest captain, her crew is first and foremost.
This Macguffin is... Wait, almost had me. Lol. Let's just say it's important enough.
Hopefully you still enjoy it as the chapters go on. Thank you for the review, Pippy, and look forward to the next.
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Well, I damn near had a heart attack... 4 reviews on Blood Prize... Thought I read it wrong... But nope, it was just @pippychick thoroughly enjoying them. So, <cracks fingers>, this is going to be a long one, folks... Strap yourselves in.
From pippychick on March 14, 2019
Parts 1 - 5It's all very intriguing, and I really like the characters. You've got that sense of them all sharing close quarters and yet still somehow managing not to kill each other. This feels a little like Firefly at times, and I wonder at all the various reasons the crew have for being part of this.
The fictional language adds realism, and the little descriptive touches of the aliens are great! I love the engineer already. Actually couldn't help picturing the Orion woman from Star Trek TOS for Kala, but that's a good thing.
The sex was hot, if a little eye-watering! I wonder to what extent Kala's physiology effects Chantal. I guess it means she can take it and still walk, lol. But it was great fun. I only wish it lasted a little longer.
Aside from that, I'm sure they all know it's some kind of trap, but they're hoping to get out of it. Though I do wonder why Chantal expects the other Captain to keep her word about the pay (if they do somehow manage to pull it off).
Thank you for sharing this story
***
It's all very intriguing, and I really like the characters. You've got that sense of them all sharing close quarters and yet still somehow managing not to kill each other. This feels a little like Firefly at times, and I wonder at all the various reasons the crew have for being part of this.
Oh, I'm getting giddy... That's still a thing, right? I'm glad you like the close quarters, not yet killed each other vibe. Firefly was definitely an inspiration (what with the failed missions and all) and another show, Dark Matter, was, too. As for reasonings, some are drawn out as the tale goes along.
The fictional language adds realism, and the little descriptive touches of the aliens are great! I love the engineer already. Actually couldn't help picturing the Orion woman from Star Trek TOS for Kala, but that's a good thing.
Thank you so much. I have spent a great deal on creating Straxi and I'm glad it worked well! Lol. I'm glad you love Hranik, he was intriguing to write. And Kala... Well, I'm a Trekkie (any doubt, read Star Trek Adventurer on my page... Nerdgasm!)...
The sex was hot, if a little eye-watering! I wonder to what extent Kala's physiology effects Chantal. I guess it means she can take it and still walk, lol. But it was great fun. I only wish it lasted a little longer.
lol. I was worried the sex was going to be awkward. Lol. And, uh, yeah, maybe I shouldn't have her walk the morning after. Lol. But why eye watering?
Aside from that, I'm sure they all know it's some kind of trap, but they're hoping to get out of it. Though I do wonder why Chantal expects the other Captain to keep her word about the pay (if they do somehow manage to pull it off).
I kind of hoped the idea that Chantal doesn't want to meet in a controlled area presented her suspicions, but you're right. Perhaps I should have made it more apparent.
Thank you for sharing this story
Thank you, Pippy, for reviewing. And I hope you continue to enjoy (as much as your next reviews suggest).
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And chapter 6:
From pippychick on March 14, 2019
Part 6
Chantal is cool and capable here, but I am loving the snark between Kala and Hranik with Chantal as referee and the only adult in the room, lol.
But what now? Are they discovered? I kind of thought there really was a mission, and that the other capt intended to get them later, once they'd performed their task.
Glad you continue to love the snark between the two. I really wanted it to feel like just a crew that has grown to be family, especially considering what eventually happens.
Lol. As for the second bit... That would be giving spoilers. Lol.
***
From pippychick on March 14, 2019
Part Seven
So... Kala is the "Queen in exile"? That's interesting... what is she running away from??
I don't like this head of the military, but I have a strong feeling Kala can't do anything to him. I hope she's going to be okay.
That's the title those loyal to her have Kala. Well Qas Ekalta (Exiled Queen), but humans and their translation issues. As for what she's running from... lol, you ask questions that I could only answer with spoilers. Lol.
And I know you read ahead, but I hope you find Detar as creepily rapey as I intended.
***
From pippychick on March 14, 2019
Part Eight
Never easy, indeed, but since there are so many more chapters to go, I can be confident it doesn't end here. I was worried for Kala then, especially at this point: “I thought Straxians loved pain!” It's that attitude. Of course, there's much more to it than that, but this guy doesn't really care.
I wonder how they're going to get out of there.
Lol. There's that. Or maybe it does and it goes to Johannes' perspective? Lol. I am glad that the concern I wanted felt was for Kala. And Detar's comment was a bit of a show of cultural misunderstanding (or, rather, in his case, just not caring about the intricacies of the culture). As for getting out... Guess you'll have to read to find out
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Thanks, Pippychick, all your reviews today, unexpected, but all appreciated. I hope you continue to enjoy the Fortune crew's adventure.
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22 hours ago, InBrightestDay said:
In fairness to said instructors, wars are such complex things that you could probably spend an entire semester just discussing one of them, and usually a class has to cover centuries worth of history, so I can see why they tend to simplify things.
Definitely. I did have one instructor in university years ago that did an amazing job. Every war covered, he laid out a lot of the contributing factors before the initial engagements, then focused on major combatants (ie, World War 2, Field Marshal Rommel, for instance) and the heroics and damnings of both sides. (The Battle of Castle Itter, the Soviet March across Europe with orders that would be war crimes, the Soldier of Three Armies, the Winter War.)
22 hours ago, InBrightestDay said:I imagine, then, that there will be a moment where the characters will have to...#M-420blazeit.
I regret nothing!
Lol. Well, I'm not giving out anything out. But Chekhov's gun rules apply. Lol.
22 hours ago, InBrightestDay said:Oh, that happens to all of us. I go through my own story from time to time looking for typos, and I found two of them in my latest chapter just today.
Now that, I know the feeling. I've done that so many times it's like "Good to go <whistling a happy tune; halts> (voice changes to SM Hartmann (Full Metal Jacket)) what is this? What the fuck is this?!"
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2 hours ago, CloverReef said:
Don't mind me. I'm just going to spend all night groping this thing.
Oh, boy, @pippychick, now look what you've done... Clover's gone groping the electronics again. Someone's gonna have her put in the psych ward.
- JayDee, InBrightestDay and pippychick
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10 hours ago, Sinfulwolf said:
I probly did. Apologies.
Well… comments and reviews are nice.
Heh. I'm not too worried. Just a bit of a tease. And, yes, comments and reviews are always nice to get.
10 hours ago, Sinfulwolf said:But yes, this was supposed to just be a soldier and I wanted it to just be those emotions. The actual arriving at the homestead.
It was done quite nice and, at least in my opinion, it works well as a standalone oneshot as well as a "prequel" to B&L. (Exceptionally well as a prequel, since you were able to expand and build on it.)
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Judging from the words, I guess it depends on your thoughts, JayDee. Although…
And @pippychick, this is an interesting list. A quite helpful resource for any writer to use to help develop the mood (as you said) within scenes and over all story. Thanks for bringing it here!
- InBrightestDay, pippychick and JayDee
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It's the week of reviews! Lol. From Strange Tales from Stranger Places, a review from @pippychick. Welcome back to the Nuthouse
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From pippychick on March 12, 2019
Part OneOh, that was wickedly clever! I didn't see it coming, so when I knew the answer, I had to go back and read it all again.
I really love that ambiguous ending, where the pheromones bring others. Lol, could be Cara is about to have a busy year, or ten. I'm not sure if that would be fun or not. I do know no one has ever imagined and written a space landing quite like this... but I like it.
At first I did find the "they/their/them" use a little strange, but all made sense at the end.
Thank you for sharing
***
Oh, that was wickedly clever! I didn't see it coming, so when I knew the answer, I had to go back and read it all again.
Lol. I'm really glad. I tried to lay out clues without being too direct or vice versa. As I've said before, subtlety is not my strong suite, so it was definitely a struggle. I'm glad it made you go back and read it again (did you catch the clues the second time around?). Lol.
I really love that ambiguous ending, where the pheromones bring others. Lol, could be Cara is about to have a busy year, or ten. I'm not sure if that would be fun or not. I do know no one has ever imagined and written a space landing quite like this... but I like it.
Lol. I was kind of worried about tagging this one. Not sure if it constitutes implied rape, 3+, gangbang, or death by sex, but I knew I wanted it ambiguous. I know my kind of inspiration for it actually comes from Star Trek (lol). I was always like... All these races, come in contact and have some adverse affect on humans, but never the other way around. Definitely wanted to show the flip side. Lol.
At first I did find the "they/their/them" use a little strange, but all made sense at the end.
I'm not going to lie, it felt a little strange as I was writing. I've written non-binary characters in the past (Alana Romanov in Come Hell or High Water) but they were not the MC. I always seemed to revert to writing she in place of they. But I'm glad it worked and made sense in the end
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Chapter 21 (A Little Piece of Closure) is posted.
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More reviews? I'm not used to this attention... <curls into fetal position, rocking in dark corners>.
Another review from an anonymous reviewer, the first in a long time on Blood Prize:
From ANON - Crazychickhull on March 12, 2019
Just stumbled on your stories I think they are great I read the whole of blood prize in 2 sittings it's fantastic couldn't put it down keep up the good work can't wait for more installments
Firstly, hi, Crystalchickhull.
Secondly, I'm really glad you loved Blood Prize. And finishing the entire thing in two sittings (you can't see me, but I'm blushing right now...), it must have really pulled you in. And I have a few chapters written and "stockpiled" for post, so they'll have a few more for sure.
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Chapter 10 (Just A Little Chop) posted.
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2 hours ago, pippychick said:
Thank you @Tcr
Well, I am rewatching it. Ostensibly, I’m writing Iason/Riki, but it never hurts to have a backup plan.
I’m so glad you’re enjoying it, and that it seems in character. I probably say this about a lot of characters, but Walter really is a joy to write. The mixture of genius and insanity that makes him up is fascinating.
It’s a bit of a bumpy start, but they get there. I hope you enjoy that too.
Should be fun to have them hide what they’re up to from Olivia and Peter, and show that they’ve been working during their hours and hours of alone time in the lab, lol.
Thank you again!
Well, regarding Walter and the brilliant insanity that is his character, I can imagine how fun it would be to write. Lol. He is definitely an intriguing mix and both in the show and in your writing, it strikes a balance that would seem to work only with him. Lol.
Bumpy starts are fun. And I definitely enjoy them, adds realism to the tale. So now I have something to look forward to more
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lol. Yes, certainly have to hide the sausage - I mean, hide what's been going in - on, on, damnit, on…
And you're quite welcome. It's beautifully written.
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Well, I think you forgot to reply to mine on Coming Home. Lol.
Second, all these great reviews around you, now mine feels lacking. Lol. Always good to see great writers getting great support.
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16 hours ago, Sinfulwolf said:First up, @Tcr for the Prompt Oneshot “Blackburn”
Glad the sex was hot. A smutty one shot certainly would have fallen apart otherwise.
This was fun for me, and aye I certainly wanted a different feel and tone to it than I did for Blood and Lace. I’m just happy the interactions between Eloise and Lauren was enjoyable, because otherwise no one would have made it to the sex later on.
I think I tried harder for elegance this time. Cause of setting. Lol.
I don't think I have to reiterate it constantly, but your sex scenes are always interesting, enjoying, and hitting exactly what they need to be (hot, disturbing, uncomfortable) depending on the situation.
I know you've said you struggle with dialogue, but the interactions between them are great. And your dialogue has improved greatly, even from the first time I read yours, so it's excellent and great to see. Kudos! And you did the human chess match, with verbal sparring, extremely well, keeping it interesting all through, so that's another kudos!
And elegance seems to be your strong suite. You always, masterfully choose your words, whether in Blood and Lace, Coming Home, Closing Time or others. And in doing so, you expertly paint the picture and image of the scene.
I feel like I just gave another review...
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1 hour ago, GeorgeGlass said:
I find that working on multiple stories at the same time means that I’ve always got enough inspiration for at least one of them at any given time. Sometimes I’ll get stuck on a chapter for months, so I’ll just work on other stuff until that one day when I’m driving home from work and it hits me exactly what I should do next in that chapter.
Lol. I always have multiple tales going (even challenge prompts and, usually, have a personal challenge to push the writing and keep it interesting). Most of the time it works. Though, I have had that lack of inspiration flowing through all stories at once (especially the last few months (5x publishing rejections and their reasons killed my writing for months...)). Thankfully, I found a little shred and picked it up, put in the pocket, and tied it down.
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And back to Last Full Measure and @InBrightestDay. Always a pleasure to see you've reviewed. Thank you very much.
From InBrightestDay on March 09, 2019
I'm back!
Not much happening in this chapter, but it does some nice world building, explaining the conflict between the Rebels and the United Earth government, and it's rather nicely balanced. In quite a few works, the UEMC characters would be the bad guys, the storm troopers trying to kill an independence movement, but of course, as we've seen in conflicts across the real world, it's never that black and white. So the likable characters working for the UEMC balance out their colonialist goals, and the atrocities committed by the Rebels balance out their noble goal.
Also, I couldn't help but wonder about the M-450. It's never explained beyond being a heavy weapon, but I can't help but wonder what it is...
Also, this was interesting:
“Corporal Olafsdottir, ensure everyone is aboard,” Celeste said, glancing between Sam and Tirsa. “I have nothing for you, PFC, though I’m sure Major Hamilton will.” She stepped away and headed towards the drop ship bay’s control room, where Hamilton and Finnegan were standing.
“Get aboard, Sam, I’ll do a final check,” Tirsa said. Sam stepped aboard the drop ship and Tirsa took a deep breath. Not sure why youdidn’t get Ingvild todo this, SergeantMajor, but fine.
It does make me wonder why Celeste did that. Perhaps she sensed some tension with Sam and, having issues with her own ex, wanted to give Tirsa a little space? Maybe it's something else. Either way, it's a nice little character moment.
***
I'm back!
YAY! Welcome back!
Not much happening in this chapter, but it does some nice world building, explaining the conflict between the Rebels and the United Earth government, and it's rather nicely balanced. In quite a few works, the UEMC characters would be the bad guys, the storm troopers trying to kill an independence movement, but of course, as we've seen in conflicts across the real world, it's never that black and white. So the likable characters working for the UEMC balance out their colonialist goals, and the atrocities committed by the Rebels balance out their noble goal.
I'm glad the nuances and subtlety of the world isn't lost too much in the mix of worlds. There are too many examples of real world conflicts that ultimately go to illustrate your words. Indeed, one of the other inspirations for LFM was the Anglo-Zulu War, specifically the Battle of Rorke's Drift. (The Battle of Castle Itter, known as the strangest battle of World War II, was another.) And yes, war and conflict are never as simple as black and white, at least never as teachers and instructors like to present.
Also, I couldn't help but wonder about the M-450. It's never explained beyond being a heavy weapon, but I can't help but wonder what it is...
Lol. The M-420, which will be explained a little more as the tale goes on, is a GPMG (general purpose machine gun) (thank you, @Sinfulwolf). I think I might have forgotten to change some of its designation though... oops.
Also, this was interesting:
“Corporal Olafsdottir, ensure everyone is aboard,” Celeste said, glancing between Sam and Tirsa. “I have nothing for you, PFC, though I’m sure Major Hamilton will.” She stepped away and headed towards the drop ship bay’s control room, where Hamilton and Finnegan were standing.
“Get aboard, Sam, I’ll do a final check,” Tirsa said. Sam stepped aboard the drop ship and Tirsa took a deep breath. Not sure why youdidn’t get Ingvild todo this, SergeantMajor, but fine.
It does make me wonder why Celeste did that. Perhaps she sensed some tension with Sam and, having issues with her own ex, wanted to give Tirsa a little space? Maybe it's something else. Either way, it's a nice little character moment.
This was a bit of a twofer action, lol. First was, as you said, yes, a little of the "I see tension, here, I'll help you out, Corporal." The second was supposed to be this subtle start that, like Celeste trusting Lian, shes starting to trust Tirsa (not to mention a little bit of a crush on her). And trust for Celeste is not the easiest thing to come by.
But, I'm glad you like it
. Chapter 10 I hope to have posted within the next day.
Remembrance
in Promote a Story!
Posted
Summary: Sixteen years after the end of the Thirty Years Conflict that split the land of Kartok, a ceremony is held at the site of the final battle. But for General Phileia Appolyon, the memories that resurface are worse than the scars of that day.
Feedback: Much appreciated. It helps to understand and improve.
Fandom: Original - Fantasy
Warnings: F/F, Violence, MCD, MiCD
Solo story or chaptered story: Oneshot