Mal

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  1. Honestly, I was hoping to avoid having to do this, but at this point it seems unavoidable. I’m terribly sorry, but I am going to have to put my work on BDH and my other erotic stories on hold for the time being. I just have too many things going on in my life right now to be able to reasonably manage doing even a single chapter a month. I know this runs contradictory to my previous statements but… After I finished training with my new job, I began to get a bit of overtime here. Then a little more there… and now, well I’m doing much more than I care to be doing… However, that being said, I went so long without a job I can’t really afford to not work, so I’m kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place, and unfortunately, my work on BDH is the thing that is going to have to give. Couple this unforeseen overtime with a multitude of RL trickery getting in the way and right now my life is just very busy. I don’t really like making excuses for things in my life, but it is unavoidable at this point. I just don’t have the time to devote to making this story what it should be at this time. I may find time to work on it here and there… I cannot, however, make any predictions on when or how often I’ll be able to update, but I really doubt at least for the next few months it will be very often, if at all… I am very sorry for this and I know it will upset some of you, I wish there was something else I could do… It is my hope, (just a hope mind you), that in a few months I’ll be able to get to a point where I can do a chapter a month or so again. Right now I can’t even commit to that. I’m writing this so that we can all be on the same page, and so that no one will wonder where I’ve gone. (I haven’t gone anywhere, I’m just too busy to work on my writing). I will likely check in on the forum occasionally just to see if you guys post anything, but I doubt I’ll be posting anything until I’m ready to more frequently update my stories again. Rest assured that when I am ready to return I won’t forget the two big fan poll items. (The fan selected celeb, and the fan selected smut scene). I can’t say how long it might take to integrate them, but I can say with certainty that they will eventually be done. Hopefully sooner rather than later, but again I really can’t commit to a time frame. I guess, that’s it... Reluctantly saying goodbye for now, Mal
  2. Greetings from the Black! I’m back and I’ve brought chapter 25 with me!!! I know it feels like forever since I’ve updated, but the new job has really cut into my writing time. I still hope, once I get settled in, to be able to produce 3 chapters every 2 months, but right now I just can’t promise that I’ll be able to do that. OK, so Chapter 25 picks up right where 24 left off. There’s a lot of stuff happening in this chapter, so much so that it ended up being my longest yet at just over 19 pages in word. We get a pretty good look at Margot’s first day running things. We get to see Felicity continue to work on settling in, this time with the help of an unexpected guide. Bella gets a gift, and learns to play nice with others. The chapter ends off with a nice hook of things to come when Margot visits Emma for her individual weigh in. I had a lot of fun writing this one, all the different POVs and all the interesting stuff going on I was amazed I found the time / room to fit in the pretty awesome smut scene! I hope you all enjoy it. I don’t know yet how many chapters it will take before Emma returns, its my hope that I don’t have to do one for each day she’s gone. My current thinking is at least 3. However, I do have a few things planned for little snippets of action with her that will happen in at least a few of those chapters. As I’ve said before, I plan to do another chapter of The Orb of Janus soon. I don’t yet know if I’ll work on it after chapter 26 or if I’ll wait till after 27. I’ll probably decide depending on just where chapter 26 ends up leaving off. I have several ideas for the things that will happen in the next installment, and I think for those of you who are fans, you’ll find it to be an interesting addition. Anyway, I spent basically my whole afternoon off working on the edits for chapter 25 and expanding the smut scene to more acceptable levels . So I”m tired and want to get this posted so I can hit the hay. On to you folks: John S: I get that man. I doubt Emma will ever be fully broken down as I’ve said. But that’s not to say there won’t be plenty of breaking down and breaking in yet to come . Well: I’m really glad you asked this. I have plans for either the next chapter (26) or the one after (27) which will heavily involve the pool area. I hope it will be a sort of pool party turned orgy… We’ll see how it ends up turning out, but I do have plans for a big pool party soon. Town: I don’t remember seeing you in the thread before. If you’re new, welcome and thanks for the question. If you’ve been around, forgive me, its late and my brain is kinda fried from 7-8 hours of continuous work on the story . I haven’t detailed anything specific as far as the girls night ware. I was imagining that most of the girls wear their panties and maybe one of their tee-shirts to bed, others might go in the buff, or only wear the undies. I might in the future detail that, by just giving all the girls some sexy color appropriate for their level nighties, but we’ll just have to see what happens . Ambien: thanks for the kind words sir, they are very much appreciated. Its kind of ironic that your hopes for more stories comes just a few hours before I post the new chapter . As to your question: Its kind of difficult to answer. I don’t plan on the next addition taking as long as the first two took to get into the story, since that took more than twenty chapters. But I also can say that anything more than perhaps mentioning that Alex he is preparing to get some new girls won’t happen in the next four or five chapters. If I was to offer you a rough estimate of exactly when Ariana and the other new girl (I plan to bring in two just like last time, when I do bring in the newbies), might enter, I’d say maybe 7 or 8 chapters would be the earliest. Probably closer to 10. But those are very rough estimates. I’m the kind of writer who doesn’t always know exactly where the story is going so its often hard for me to make solid predictions. I hope that answers your question . Ok guys, its late, I’m tired and I think I smell smoke coming out of my ears… I’m Back to the Black, Mal
  3. I feel like its been forever since the last update, but I guess that’s just because my new job slowed the progress so much . I’m hoping that once I get settled in a bit more that I’ll be able to be more productive and get to a place where I can try to do 3 chapters every 2 months, but I guess we’ll just have to see. Anyway, Chapter 25 is here at long last! It picks up pretty much right where 24 leaves off. We get to see a lot of Margot’s first day doing Emma’s job and her different take on it and hopes for doing it better / different. We also see Felicity continuing to settle into life in the harem this time with the help of an unexpected guide. Also, Bella gets a gift from Alex and learns to share . The chapter leaves off with a little hook for things to come when Margot goes to Emma to do her private weigh in. I had a lot of fun writing this chapter, there’s a lot of different things going on in this one, with several different POVs and a very intense smut scene. It ended up being quite a bit longer than I originally thought at just over 19 pages in word! Its actually my longest chapter yet. I haven’t decided yet if I’ll do one or two more BDH chapters before switching of to do the next installment of The Orb of Janus. It will probably be determined by where I end up leaving off with chapter 26. Its my hope that I won’t need to do a chapter for every day that will pass in Emma’s exile. I.e. She’s out for a week, I hope not to have to write 7 or 8 chapters to get her back in the mix. But, having said that, there are several events that I want to happen while she’s “indisposed” and I don’t plan to compromise on those events happening before she returns. Right now I’m thinking it’ll take at least 3 more chapters before she comes back though. Don’t fret too much though if your an Emma fan, I do plan for there to be little snippets of things which will include her in at least some of those chapters . Again, if you’d like to offer up some feedback, ask a question, or just make a comment, please feel free to do so. You can do so in my thread on this sites forum. It’s located in the Het-Male/female section of the Celebrity Fiction heading in the All Other Subdomains group. Or you can also just put a review in the review section of the story itself. Thanks as always for reading along, I really do appreciate it! I’m Back to the Black, Mal
  4. Hey guys, just popping on to give a quick update and respond to all your comments. First off, sorry it took me so long to respond to you all. I’ve been real busy since starting my new job and I have some other things going on in my life that have kept me from doing as much writing as I’d like. The new job is going pretty well even if it is taking up a lot of my time. I am hoping once I get more settled into my new routine that I will be able to be more productive, but as it stands, I’m only about half way through writing chapter 25. Its my current plan to try and be finished with primary writing round about the middle of next week. I’ll then pass it off to my editor, and if things go well with him and my fixes, I may be able to post it by the 24th or 25th. But as things are still kind of unpredictable with the new job and things going on, I’m very hesitant to make any promises with a publish date. No matter how things progress, I am going to do my absolute damnedest to have chapter 25 up by the end of the month. As to the chapter, I plan to highlight Margot’s first day, and to progress some plot with both Felicity and Taylor. I don’t want to give to much away, but I think it will end up being a pretty fun chapter. I don’t know if you guys saw, but Billion Dollar Harem reached 50,000 Dragon Prints! I’ve been so busy, I didn’t even get to post about it the day it happened . Anyway, I wanted to thank you guys for reading along and supporting me. It means a lot to me and without you guys I’d have given up on this story a long time ago. I was hoping to do a poll or some other big announcement at this achievement, but as I have haven’t yet fulfilled the last poll and I’m just not ready to fit that scene in yet, I thought it would be in bad taste to do another. Hopefully at 60 or 65k I’ll be in a position to do a new poll. Anyway, thanks so much for this, I consider it to be a huge compliment and I have you guys to thank. I guess that’s enough about me and everything else. On to you guys: Guest NR: Welcome! Its always great to see a new face in the thread and get some new thoughts / perspectives on my story. So thanks for speaking up, and I appreciate your kind words. I too thought the solution with Chloe was pretty elegant. It allows her to remain a character capable of interacting with the other girls, of having her own opinions and likes and dislikes, while still giving Alex and Emma the option of using her like a dirty mindless slut if they want . One of my biggest problems with Toy, when I first created her was the essential loss of a character to the story. Toy, doesn’t think for herself and she can’t really interact with people, other than doing what she’s told. This way, she can still be an extreme sub when I want to use her that way but also remain a vibrant character in the story. I’m really looking forward to diving into her reasons for wanting to be a sub, and getting into her thoughts about what is like to want to be dominated. It makes her an interesting character, rather than just a fixture in the background. As to your suggestion of Emmy Rossum. First, I agree that she’s pretty damn hot. However, of the essentially 4 remaining spots left to be filled, I’ve already decided on who will take 3 of them and my list for that last spot is really about 3 or 4 names long, and unfortunately, she just isn’t on it. I love suggestions, but sadly as to the cast of BDH its mostly set. Now, when it comes closer to me bringing in that last girl, I may ask for opinions, but that day is really far off so I’m just not to concerned with it right now. Anyway, thanks again for making your voice known, please don’t hesitate to add your thoughts again in the future. Juan: Hey again, bud. Lets see, I agree, I’m really happy with where Felicity is right now, so much so that I decided to add a little more to her current story line in the next chapter. I think the little scene I have planned for her will be pretty fun and should continue to add to her complexity. Margot / Cara / Alex, not sure just when we’ll see it. Not in 25 is all I can say for sure. Alex is giving Cara a few days to acclimate after her first night. Plus, I’m just not sure it makes sense for her first scene to be something like that without leading her into a place where she feels more comfortable. It just doesn’t make sense that she would get down there and just immediately fall into having consensual mutually appreciated sex with Margot. I know that something similar happened with Emma / Margot, but Emma wasn’t really in a place where she had a choice about the initial interaction, and at least for the moment, Cara is. I think she would realistically just need a bit more time to get there. Likely, her first sex scene will be with either Alex or with Margot but not both. I do want to write that scene though, believe me , so unless something unexpected happens, I do see that combination coming up sooner rather than later. I hope that makes sense. As to Taylor / Bella / Alex, I completely agree with your thoughts. Taylor would likely appreciate such a set up, or might even be jealous that Alex involved Bella. Bella would probably be more willing to accept Alex’s part in sex with the two, simply because she realizes she doesn’t have too many options. But that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t make her jealous, especially if she saw how zealous Taylor was as far as her devotion to Alex. One of my current plans is to begin to develop several of the budding relationships in the harem, some of which will be sexual some of which won’t. But all should propel the plot, and might lead to some jealousy or in fighting between the girls and their master. Thanks again for your comments / questions. Its always appreciated. John S: Yeah, I got on quite the writing kick toward the end of my unemployment, I was putting out at least 2 chapters a month there for a while. With the new job however, that pace is sadly unsustainable. As I said above, I do hope to be able to put out 3 chapters every 2 months, but I’m still not really sure if that is going to be possible either. We’ll just have to see what happens. I’m not sure what you mean by Emma getting destroyed. Its doubtful that she’ll ever be in another position of being an unwilling participant in the punishment room, or of not wanting Alex to fuck her. I guess it is possible, but would require some drastic changes. The same goes with the Toy collar. She would have to undergo some drastic, character altering changes to ever be forced into a role like that. She, right now is certainly not a sub, nothing even close. Getting her to comply with that kind of treatment would require seriously breaking her and unless things take a dramatic 180 for her, I just don’t see that happening. As I’ve said on numerous occasions, even I don’t always know where the plot is going, but my current plan is see how the rivalry between Emma and Margot plays out (I do have many of those plot points set in my mind), and take things from there. But as to Emma undergoing such extreme changes, I really doubt that it’s in her future. I appreciate the comments and ideas, man please keep em coming. I hope my response doesn’t dissuade you. Sazbi: I too am very happy that Toy will remain around! I look forward to exploring her relationship with Emma once she returns. As to how the dynamic of her absence will affect things, you’ll just have to see. I can say though that I do plan for it to further the rivalry between Emma and Margot. This rivalry and some of the things that will come of it is a story line that I’ve had in mind for quite some time and I am looking forward to seeing just how it plays out, when Emma returns. I do plan to continue exploring her new relationship with Chloe / Toy. But I also plan to do a bit of development of that from Chloe’s perspective as we go along. As to Cara’s first day, I don’t have a POV planed for that first day, simply because I think she is still too numb for it to be of much use. Most likely we’ll get that in 26 or 27 once she is a bit more settled in. Glad you’re looking forward to the next, I hope I can get it to you asap . Thanks as always for your presence here in the thread, I appreciate it. Well: Glad you liked the new chapter. I know it was kind of a set up chapter, but I was very happy with how it turned out, particularly that scene with Emma and Alex. As to someone slipping Emma a dildo. As it would be Margot bringing her supplies, it would fall to her to do that. I don’t know that she would however, for two reasons. First, I don’t think Margot would realize that Emma would so pent up as to need one and even if she did I don’t know that’s she’s vindictive enough to do it. But, more importantly, she realizes that she is on camera, and that she is the only one with access to Emma’s room, and if suddenly Emma has a prohibited item just how obvious it would be who gave it to her. Besides that, Emma took Alex’s threat very seriously, she didn’t work her way up to level 5, just to loose it over diddling herself. So even if someone did slip it to her she wouldn’t use it anyway. I guess the thought of giving it to her just to torment her is kind of fun, but again Margot is the only one with access, and she doesn’t want to get in trouble. I do like the stripper pole idea, and I may decide to install one somewhere. The question is would it be better in the main dorm, or in the VIP lounge area, or even in Alex’s bedroom. I’ll have to think about it, but I may just put one in . Thanks as always for your comments and your kind words about getting a job, I appreciate it. Joe: I haven’t forgotten about those gifts. Its only been a few days since Alex returned, and as I said, they’ll be special rewards for good behavior. It wasn’t explicitly said in the chapter, but Emma’s new wardrobe, is at least one of the things Alex is giving her as a gift. I have another in mind, but she hasn’t really earned it yet has she . I plan to start dolling them out soon as Alex interacts more with everyone and hands out a few promotions. Thanks for the question! Alright guys, had the day off tonight, and I wanted to get some writing done so I’m off to do that. Good night everyone! I’m Back to the Black, Mal
  5. Sorry I’m a little late on the responses, been really busy with the new job and all the adjustments that go along with it. I can’t promise things will get much better either, sadly. This job might end up being more stressful and time consuming than I’d like, but we’ll just have to see. Its still too new yet for me to say with much certainty just what I can expect my normal routine to be. Anyway, I thought I’d address your comments real quick and and give an update. Right now I’m in the middle of writing chapter 25 of my primary story, Billion Dollar Harem. It is my current plan to write the next two or three installments of this story and then to return to The Orb of Janus and write chapter two. I have a few ideas for what will happen in chapter two from a story perspective, but I’m not quite sure just whom the celeb(s) who will feature in the smut scene will be as of yet. Honestly, I have so many potential ladies on my list to feature, I’ll most likely just begin work on the chapter and see where it takes me as far as the smut section goes. I guess from an update point of view, all I can say for sure, is that I do plan for there to be a chapter 2. That likely it will be anywhere from two to three months off depending on how work on BDH goes and that I have a rough idea for the story… Sorry if that’s not much info . On to you guys: Juan: I absolutely agree! The thing I like most about this story is the endless possibility. I’m really excited to play out some of my crazier ideas in this story and just see where my imagination leads me . I also agree that it was really fun featuring Sophie and Maisie, but having some other celebs to work with is the way to go. I was definitely thinking about doing some time jumping to celebs in their prime. I don’t know if that will be a feature in the next chapter or whom I’ll use when I do, but I can say one of the targets I’d love to try when I do is Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears cira the 2003 VMAs when they both kissed Madonna. (probably wouldn’t include Madonna as I’ve never been a fan. Maybe some back stage action, or a few days later...) But they are by no means the only targets I’d like to feature in their prime. But, seeing as there are also tons of current celebs I’d love to write a scene for its really hard to tell just where things will go. Anyway, thanks as always for your comments, I really do appreciate it. Alpa: Man, this absolutely has to be one of the hottest, coolest, sexiest ideas ever!!!! I had a lot of thoughts in mind when I was writing Orb, But this wasn’t one of em, and that is really sad because it is so amazing! Again, I can’t say for sure what will feature in the next chapter as far as the celeb smut, but I can say for sure that I want to write this. Since the next chapter is going to somewhat deal with Morgan learning more about his power, I probably won’t try to fit in this idea because I don’t really want to take away from its magnificence with a bunch of weighty story . Maybe this will be an idea for chapter 3 or 4 though. Either way, you can expect that as long as I’m working on Orb, this is something that will eventually happen!!! Thanks so much for this idea, I can’t wait to write it up! SolarisSixth: Its no problem at all, I try to be as engaged with my readers as possible. I try to feature in as many fetishes as I can A) personally deal with (as in, I won’t write stuff that makes me uncomfortable either physically or mentally), and B) that fall within the bounds allowed by this site’s rules. I know there are a few devs on AFF who’d probably just rather see the Celebrity section go away, but this site has been good to me, and I don’t want to do anything that would get my hard work banished . Either way, your particular thing is something that I do like to mess with every now and again and like I said I see it being featured quite a bit in this story and its certainly not out of bounds as far as the rules . Anyway, thanks for the reply and for adding your voice to the thread, I really appreciate it. Alright, that about does it for me. Thanks again for all your comments and questions and of course for reading along! I certainly wouldn’t be able to keep this up with out you guys! Please keep it going! I’m Back to the Black, Mal
  6. Hello again guys. Well its that time again! Chapter 24 is here! This chapter picks up right where chapter 23 left off, as Alex heads to a midnight meeting with Ms. Felicity Jones. The chapter ties up several loose ends, and really sets the tone for the next 2-3 chapters. We get a good look at the woes of giving the ladies free will and some of Alex’s ‘frustrations’ because of that. We see how Felicity’s integration is coming along. There is some news on the Margot front, and even some hot smut with Chloe that addresses a much debated topic in the forum . Please read for more info . The biggest event in this chapter though has to do with a resolution of sorts on the Emma front. Alex finally confronts her in what has to be probably the most challenging scene I’ve yet written. I bet I spent every bit of eight or nine hours on those 4-4.5 half pages alone. I probably rewrote every paragraph at least twice… I’d like to give a shout out to my editor for his advise on that section. While I might not have followed exactly what you thought I should do. Your advise led me to how I ultimately envisioned that section taking shape. Thanks a lot! So my current plan is to write the next 2-3 chapters of BDH and then do a chapter of The Orb of Janus. However, in my other bit of big news, I finally have a new job! What does this mean for you? You might be asking . Well at this point, I’m not really sure. It will definitely impact the time I have for writing. The only real question is how much. Unfortunately, I really don’t have an answer yet. It is my hope that I will be able to produce 3 chapters every two months. But, at this point I just don’t have enough information to say for sure. Anyway, it appears for once, I have no comments to address, so I’ll say again thanks for reading along. Your comments and questions are what keep this going, so please keep em coming! I guess that’s it, enjoy the new chapter. I’m Back to the Black, Mal
  7. Greetings again from the black! I’m back and with a new chapter. Chapter 24 is here! Its by far my longest chapter yet at a whopping nineteen pages in word! This chapter ties up a few loose ends, and really sets a tone for the next few chapters. We finally see a resolution of sorts to the Emma problem, there’s also some news on the Margot front, and how Felicity is beginning to fit in. Oh, and also some hot smut with Chloe that answers another burning question… you’ll just have to read it to find out . The chapter picks up right were 23 left off with Alex’s visit to Ms. Jones and mostly takes place in the wee hours of the morning of day 31. Though this chapter is a long one, I think there is a lot of really interesting stuff here, particularly the stuff with Emma. I bet I spent eight or nine hours on that section alone. I had to do a lot of rewrites and I have to give a huge shout out to my new editor. You’re advise with that section really helped me reshape it. I think it turned out really great. My plan is to work on the next 2-3 chapters of BDH then do a new chapter of The Orb of Janus. However, I can’t say for sure just when I’ll even begin working on chapter 25, as I finally have a new job and there is no telling at this point how much its going to impact how much time I have to work. It is my hope to be able to produce 3 chapters every two months, but as I said its kind of up in the air at the moment. I hope you all understand… As always, I love feedback! So, if you’re enjoying the story and want to make a comment or ask a question, please do drop by my thread on this site’s forum. It’s located in the He-Male/Female section of the Celebrity Fiction heading in the All Other Subdomains group. Thanks everyone for your continued support and for reading along. I’m Back to the Black, Mal
  8. Hello SolarisSixth: Always good to see a new face in the threads. I’m glad you’re enjoying BDH and my new story as well. As to the impregnation theme. In the Orb of Janus, I see it continuing. It might not be something I feature in every chapter, but I do see it being a theme I use often. There are hundreds of stories of ancient gods impregnating earthly females and I certainly see Janus aka Morgan spreading his seed around. With BDH, that is a completely different story. I can say with certainty and not because of my feelings for the theme, that the preg theme will never be in BDH. I like preg I mean its not one of my top five favorite themes, but it can be fun to play with every now and then. With BDH its more of a problem of realism and character development. Alex doesn’t want the ladies in his harem getting pregnant and for two good reasons. 1) babies create even more evidence of what he did. Admittedly, if he ever gets caught, there’s plenty of evidence floating around down there to incriminate him. But babies are sure fire proof more than anything else. 2) More importantly, the harem has neither the facilities non the personnel for taking care of or giving birth to babies. If something goes wrong during the birth process, there is a real likelihood that the pregnant mother will die. Without a doctor and proper facilities this likelihood increases dramatically. To Alex, the celebs in his harem are there for his pleasure, they’re an investment and I don’t see him risking their safety or his just to get one of them pregnant. All in all, I guess what I’m saying is, Alex doesn’t want them getting pregnant which is why he mandate they take birth control. I do really appreciate the suggestion, and don’t think of this response as putting you down, I just wanted to answer your question as thoroughly as possible. I’m glad you asked it, I’m sure there were others out there who were wondering the same thing about BDH, and probably The Orb of Janus too. Thanks again, and please don’t be shy about voicing your opinion again I’m Back to the Black, Mal
  9. Hello, lazyninjas I just wanted to pop on and offer up some praise and advise on one of your stories. So, I’ve been reading Security Check the one staring Nina Dobrev. Good choice btw, she’s really fine… Some of my comments will revolve around the story itself, most will be of a more general nature, things I think you can do to improve clarity and help your story flow. Here goes: I think the first, and most important thing you can do to help your story flow, is to make sure you go through it for mistakes and incongruities. Any time your reader has to back track or do a double take to try and figure out what is going on, is a chance you might lose them. In fact, one of the first things I noticed about Security Check was that the gender of Nina’s friend seems to change… I’m guessing its because Hannah wasn’t originally a girl, and when you changed that, you missed some the things you’d already written about Nina’s friend. Where I first noticed this is when the security guard tells Nina they found drugs enough drugs on him to be considered smuggling. I had to go back and look because I thought you said her friend’s name was Hannah. Its little things like that, which can really throw a reader off, and make them doubt the narration. Once they do, there’s a good chance you’ll lose them. Editing is really key here, and trust me, I know from experience its not always easy to spot mistakes in your own work. The best tip I can offer here is to read your story backwards. Start with the bottom paragraph and work your way up. Also, and I know this sounds silly, but reading it out loud also can make a huge difference, especially if you’re trying to decide if dialog sounds authentic or if a paragraph flows naturally. Believably: First, I know these are stories, its fiction and a certain suspension of disbelief goes along with these things, especially in the genre we write. But, where I raised an eye brow was how quickly the guard went from a fairly routine and professional pat down to saying he’d let Nina and her friend go if he could “fuck her in any way he wanted.” What I think would have been a more believable transition would be if he had made the pat down a little less professional, maybe even a tad humiliating. Then planted drugs on her and told her the only way out was to fuck him. Another route if you wanted to keep it more consensual would have been to slowly lead up to it. Try and put yourself in the guards shoes. I mean if you were a guard checking a super famous celeb for contraband, and through some miracle got lucky enough to not have 4 or 5 other guards with you, I doubt your first instinct when she asks if there “is anything she could do to change your mind,” would be to demand she fuck you. Most likely you’d think she meant a bribe or something less extreme. Going that route, you could start slow. Say instead of “fucking her in anyway you like,’ first demand a hand job or a even a BJ. You know, something she might actually consent to. It seems you set her up to be frustrated and horny enough to accept fucking the guard, and even liking it, but remember, the guard doesn’t know that. He would likely offer something she would be more likely to give in to. I mean from there, things could quickly heat up to where you want them to go, and the whole transition would seem more natural. Word Choice & Repetition: My final piece of criticism before I move on to the things I liked. You have to be very careful with repeating words. Because sometimes repetition can be good. If you’re really trying to drive a point home or draw a lot of emphasis to something, repeating it will make your reader pay attention. But you really have to pick and choose those moments, and repeating a word because you like it often doesn’t work. I know it can be hard to find substitutes, I love thesaurus.com I keep it open whenever I write. Where I really noticed extraneous repetition in Security Check was when Marcus and Nina started getting it on, you use the word “Baby” 7 or 8 times in as many paragraphs. Where something like that can work in porno, it doesn’t work at all in my opinion on the page. All it made me think was, yeah I get it, she’s liking it and she loves the word baby… Sadly, it really took me out of the action. There were other little moments where word choice made a big difference. This is just an example, but the paragraph which begins: “Nina moaned as his tongue made its way past her taunt little body.” This is a moment where the action is really heating up, but through repetition and odd phrasing really takes the reader out of the moment. Let’s analyze this paragraph: “Nina moaned as his tongue made its way past her taunt little body.” Past her body? I mean where did it go. You could say down, but you used down in the previous paragraph. Perhaps worked/along? Nina moaned as he worked his tongue along her taunt little body. “He went further and further down her body, making his way past her hips and pelvis before finally stopping the inside of her thigh, finally reaching the goal, and inhaled the sweet smell.” I’m going to assume an editing typo left out the word “at” between “stopping the,” but leaving that aside, This is a good hot sentence, but I think using both hips and pelvis is either too much, or the wrong sort of detail, (maybe I just prefer not to use pelvis). also, the more specific your word choice, the better. I might have wrote it like this: He dipped further and further down her stomach, making his way past her hips to the inside of her thighs and his goal, stopping momentarily to breathe in her sweet smell. “Nina felt him slowly spread her legs open further as he lowered his mouth down to her sweet honey pot that was oozing with feminine juice.” To put this as delicately as I can, there are a lot of problems with this. First, try to limit your adverb use as much as possible. I’m terrible at this but am trying to improve. We don’t need to know he slowly spread her legs, for one thing as he dipped between her legs, we’d already assume they were spread. Also, you don’t need to say he spread them ‘open,’ if they’re spread, they’re open. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, I don’t like that word ooze. If you looked down on Nina Dobrev’s pussy, would you want to think of it as “oozing?” When I think of ooze, I think puss and sores… You might rewrite this sentence like: Marcus pressed her legs open as he lowered his mouth down to her sweet honey pot, grinning when he saw it was already soaked in her sweet juices. Thus, the paragraph might read: “Nina moaned as he worked his tongue along her taunt little body. He dipped further and further down her stomach, making his way past her hips to the inside of her thighs and his goal, stopping momentarily to breathe in her sweet smell. Marcus pressed her legs open as he lowered his mouth down to her sweet honey pot, grinning when he saw it was already soaked in her sweet juices.” instead. These are the three things I noticed while reading Security Check, that I think you could most focus on to improve the clarity and over all flow of your story. I realize this may be nit picking a bit, but in a lot of ways the success of your story rises and falls in the little details. I mean anyone can come up with an idea. Its the execution of that idea which sets writers apart. Remember that your painting a picture. You’re not summarizing or even telling a story really. You want your readers to see what you see and the absolute best way to do that is to make your visuals as concise, clear, and easy to follow as possible. Little details, clear and believable transitions of action along with proper editing and good word choice make all the difference in the world. I really hope all that didn’t come across as harsh or mean. I’m just trying to offer you some honest, helpful criticism. So often people just comment hey, that was great. with out ever offering any specifics on what they liked or what they thought could be better. I hope my advice can help you develop your talent. Now, I promised some praise too so let me tell you what I think you do well. I think you have a great idea here, and great vision to tell your story. I think this is as believable a scenario as this genre of writing can be. You develop it well. So first off, a great idea Nina getting pulled out of line for a random inspection. Its hot, and immediately sets your reader up for the nasty things to come. I can see immediately the vision you have for this story. The biggest problem as said above is using details to convey that awesome vision for the dirty things you want us to see done to this smoking hot celeb. Its believable, cause you know all those airport security guards who have to check such hot celebs through are all wishing this could happen and are dreaming of ways to make it happen. The only real problem with the believably is celebs like that would never be left in a room alone with one guy. However, that being said, its also not so crazy that I couldn’t suspend my disbelief and get in the moment… the super hot moment . It is well developed. All the stuff with Nina’s friend, is believable, and realistically develops the scenario which leads up to her hot and heavy encounter with Marcus. Aside from the gender swap thing, this is really well done. I guess the bottom line is, I think you have a lot of great potential. I just think you need to slow down and transform your idea into a vision we can all see. Anyway, I really hope you found this helpful. I’ve personally found that criticism like this far more helpful than the “this was greats’ of the review world. Specifics are where your story lives and dies, and analyzing them can, in my opinion only make things better. Alright, that about does it for me, thanks again for being apart of my threads and offering up your opinions. I look forward to reading your next story. I’m Back to the Black, Mal
  10. Hello again guys, just popped on to respond to comments and let you know that I published my new story, The Orb of Janus a couple days ago. There is a new thread for it here in the Het-Male/Female section of the Celeb thread. Just a place where you guys can ask questions specific to The Orb of Janus. I had a really great time writing it, and I do think I’ll do additional installments in the future. That said, I want you all to rest assured, BDH is still my main priority. I’ve already started working on chapter 24, and hope I can publish it in the next two-three weeks, hopefully closer to two . Anyway, its late, let me get to you guys so I can go find my pillow. Well: I’m glad you enjoyed the new chapter. I was advised by my new editor to expand that scene with Taylor, to make it more involved and maybe a bit dirtier, and that’s just what I did. I couldn’t be happier with how that scene ended up turning out. As to the food fight idea, I’m not sure that’s something I’ll do. In someways I think its too light-hearted for the dark atmosphere of the harem. But also, the girls don’t always eat together. Plus, the whole food fetish isn’t really something I’m that into. Who knows though, I suppose given enough time any number of things could happen… Ambien: First off bud, the one shot is up. Its called The Orb of Janus, and I’ve decided its not going to actually be a one-shot. I’m going to add chapters to it, but they will come much more slowly than BDH, which will remain my priority. As to the level 5 thing, the main “privilege” they get is being able to choose their own clothing. Their other privileges are just advanced versions of what you get starting at level 3. More songs for their iPod, greater amounts of their chosen food and drink, an iPad starting at 4 with movies of the ladies choice on it. What the level 5 really gets, is a bunch more responsibilities. I haven’t really detailed it in the story yet, but since the level 5 has access to almost all the storage areas, she is the one who has to over see the restocking of the food stores, makes sure that the ladies all have enough beauty products, feminine products as well as changes of clothes and shoes (staring at 2) to maintain their appearance. She’s also the one who hands out the birthconrol, is responsible for the ladies taking it, and has to over see the morning weigh in process, as well as keeping herself fit and of proper appearance. The level 5 position undoubtedly has the most power, but it also is by far a greater headache than being a level 4 who has almost the same level of privilege with much few responsibilities. I maintain that Alex would never throw a competition with the prize being the level 5 job. If he ever did throw a competition like your talking about, he might make the reward a promotion to level 4 but that’s about as far as i could see it going... Anyway man, thanks for the comment. I really hope you enjoy The Orb of Janus, and after you read it, I hope you’ll pop by the thread and let me know what you thought of it. Thanks again for your comments, I do appreciate it. Juan: I think it was in the chapter where Emma was spying on Margot where I covered this, but yes, the cameras do transmit sound. I was trying to decide if the cameras would also have night vision. My initial response was yes, since Alex would have built everything top of the line and with all the best features, I mean he’s basically Batman rich… lol . But I guess until it becomes an issue I probably won’t worry about detailing that aspect of them. As to the question of whether Alex reviews footage. I’d say he’d be more interested in reviewing footage of the ladies spending time with each other, than of moments where he was actually with them. Though I’m sure for nostalgia purposes he might have reviewed some of his favorite moments. I could see Alex getting his motor running by watching some old footage, or more likely footage of the girls spending sexy time with each other, before he heads out to spend time with one of the ladies. Anyway guys, that about does it for me. Thanks again for your continued questions and comments, I really do appreciate it. Keep em coming! I’m Back to the Black, Mal
  11. Hey guys, just wanted to give you guys a quick response to your comments. Alpa: That could be an interesting way to continue Maisie and Sophie’s story, but ultimately this story is going to be about Morgan and his journey to godhood. If I use Sophie and Maisie again, it would very likely involve Morgan. Though your idea might be an interesting way for that story line to start out. You know, a year later, Morgan’s had dozens of other sexual encounters with other celebs, decides to look in on Sophie to see how his kid is doing and see’s her and Maisie going at it, then joins in . I haven’t done to much planning yet where the next chapter will go, I do know that I plan to use a bunch of different celebs, especially those who aren’t and will never be in BDH. As such, you’ve got a pretty good list there, and some of those names I have considered and might at some point use. In particular, I’m interested in Kristen Stewart, Jennifer Lawrence and maybe Natalie Dormer. I’d like to add a couple ladies from my own list that I will probably use at some point. Kylie and Kendall Jenner will almost certainly get a turn, as will Emilia Clarke and Stella Maxwell. In fact Stella I have a really cool idea involving Stella, and she could very well end up being the star of the next chapter. We’ll just have to see, its a ways off. lazyninjas: Hey bud, yeah I started working on this and I just couldn’t put it down. It all happened when I was making breakfast one morning. I was thinking about the poll from my other thread where I asked you guys if you thought I should do a one shot. Then the idea for the Orb hit me and I was like yep I’m def writing that lol . Yeah, one of the ideas I found most appealing about the Orb was the way I could use it to literally make any idea work. Write a threesome with 1994 versions of Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears, the Orb could do that Warp reality to turn Taylor Swift into a futanari with a giant cock and a sex crazed need to fuck, the Orb could do that too Make Maisie Williams and Sophie Turner believe themselves to be their characters on GoT and then make them fuck… you guessed it, the Orb could do that too the Orb gives me the power to take any idea I have, no matter how crazy, and make it work. That’s one of the reasons I just had to write this, because of the endless possibilities it presents. Whereas with BDH I’m slowly writing myself into a corner. Where eventually the possibilities become limited and eventually the plot (albeit it might take another 50 chapters) will become stale especially once all the ladies are completely broken in… With the Orb, there really is no limit to what I can do. Now, that said BDH is still going to be my priority. I’m still thoroughly enjoying the plot and the two new characters creates a whole new dynamic to explore. Anyway, I’m glad you enjoyed the Orb, I plan to write another chapter probably after I the next two or three of BDH depending on how quickly I get them out. Finally, as to your thread, man I say absolutely, go for it. Having the BDH thread is one of the main things that inspires me to keep writing. I don’t consider it to be idea stealing at all. I read about half of your new story Security Check, and here soon I was going to write some feedback to it in your thread. Mostly it’ll be advice on things I think you could do a better job of, ways to make your story flow better, and praise for the things I think you do well. In other words, just my two cents lol . Alright guys, I’m out, thanks again for your continued support. I really do appreciate it. I’m Back to the Black, Mal
  12. Author: MalTitle: The Orb of JanusSummary: A dorky archaeologist discovers an artifact of ancient power. He uses it to fulfill all his fantasies.Feedback: Yes, please, of course.Fandom: CelebrityPairing: Dr. Morgan Price (not a celebrity) Sophie Turner, Maisie WilliamsWarnings: 3+ MF FF MC Oral Anal Preg Inc Solo story or chaptered story: Chaptered URL: http://celeb.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600094714 First off, I want to thank all my readers for their comments and support in the time I’ve been on AFF, I really appreciate it guys! Please keep it up! This is my new story, The Orb of Janus. I really hope you all take the time to check it out, I am really happy with how this first chapter came out. It is my plan to mostly still work on my main story, Billion Dollar Harem, but to occasionally put that down to work on this. The really cool thing about this story, is I have a lot more freedom to do new things with it. There are literally unlimited possibilities with this one! And, while I still love BDH I think it’ll be fun to work on this every once in a while. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy it, and please leave me some feedback in my new thread, The Orb of Janus. Its located in the Het-Male/Female section of the Celebrity thread in the All Other Subdomains topic here in the AFF forum. Please stop on by and say hi and let me know what you think of this new story. Hoping to hear from you, Mal
  13. Hey everyone, this will be a thread for the discussion of my new story, The Orb of Janus. I don’t know how often I’ll work on this story, as I plan for my main project to stay Billion Dollar Harem. However, I had a lot of fun writing this and I know at some point the adventures of the new character I created will continue. As of right now, I have no idea what or where the new chapter will take us, but it is kind of cool that I could literally do anything with this story. Right now my plan is to work on the next few chapters of BDH then maybe I’ll write another chapter of The Orb of Janus… we’ll just have to see what happens. Any way, to those who are new to my writing, welcome, to those who might have come here or read this new story because they are fans of my previous works, thanks for coming back for more, and being patient with me while I indulged a different style of writing. I really hope you all enjoyed The Orb of Janus and I’d absolutely love to hear all your comments and questions. Those of you who know me from my BDH thread will know that I try to promptly respond back to all comments, so please don’t be shy, let me know what you think! Anyway, Thanks again for reading I’m Back to the Black, Mal
  14. Hey everyone, just popped on to address some of the comments, and to give you guys my decision regarding the one shot story. First, I appreciate everyone offering up their opinions, seeing the varied reactions really lets me know you guys have a vested interest in what I write and what I choose to focus my energy on. So in that regard I want to say thank you. I’m also hoping that some of you guys will do more than just let me know your views on the poll. I’d love some feedback on chapter 23, as I put a ton of work into it and I think it might be one of my best. I’ll address your many comments first, followed by the poll. John S: I’m glad you noticed. I do try my very best to deliver chapters as close to the promised date as possible. Not only does setting a due date focus me to work, but it also shows you guys that I will reliably deliver my work at least close to the promised date. I hope when you finally get the chapter read, that you enjoy it, and that you pop back on and let us know what you thought of it. I agree with you that BDH still has plenty of exciting things going on and I am by no means going to abandon it. But it is nice to take a break from the same content and do something new every once in a while. As to the themes, those were just my idea’s. The poll didn’t suggest you choose one of my ideas, though that was certainly an option, the poll asked you to suggest anything you’d like to see me write. I guess that wasn’t too clear. You can always offer a suggestion when you respond back with your thoughts on chapter 23 . Guest: I totally understand not wanting the story to stop, or even to pause. I often find myself wrapped up in my favorite shows/movies and wish they would continue again right away . Though I might suggest that part of the reason we love our shows/stories so much, is because of the anticipation we feel in the waiting. I’m sure that doesn’t help much, but know that I am certainly not done with BDH by a long shot. I have 4 more celebs to add, 2 new ones to integrate, and the 5 original to corrupt even further than they are now. Plenty of stuff to carry though for another 20 chapters at the very least . As to your suggestions, I’ve never seen Last Man Standing, as such, I’d never consider writing a story around it The Catelyn Stark/Jon Snow idea is interesting as there are a lot of different angles you could do it from. An angry/jealous FDom fuck where she forces Jon to submit, or the angsty revenge fuck where Jon gets back at Cat for way she treated him his whole life… All in all though, I don’t know that I would tackle this story simply because I think there are other GoT characters I’d rather focus on if I were to do a GoT theme story. I do appreciate your suggestions though, and your voice in the thread. Keep it up bud! RawDog88: Again, I totally get why you’d rather just see me keep doing BDH. See above to all the reasons why I’m not leaving it behind/ and why a break even a short one, might be a good thing . I’m too am excited by writing a GoT theme story… Lastly, I really appreciate you adding the #thanks to the end of your post. I know my new editor really appreciates you recognizing his contribution. Ambien: Thanks for the support, man. I agree that taking a quick break to do something else very well might inspire some new ideas for BDH, thus making it even better. There are a lot of different genres of fanfic, (other than celeb) I’m interested in, video game, cartoon, and original primarily, ( I consider the movie and television categories to just be celeb fanfic, as anyone reading or writing them is just picturing the actor/actress contained there in when they read/write such works). Anyway, as to the vibrating panties idea as I’ve said, I’ve used something similar before, and most certainly will again. I don’t see how Alex could use them to fuck with someone while not being there, unless he forbids them from taking them off, or ties them down… either way that to me that goes back to the using them as punishment idea that I’ve said is probably how I will use them when I go back to it. You’re not the first to suggest a sex competition. I really don’t see me doing something like that, especially with the prize being the level 5 position. Alex wants his level 5 to be carefully groomed, someone whom he can trust to behave and maintain control as he would should he not be in the compound. He wouldn’t care if that person is the best lay, or the most sexually adventurous person in the harem. He cares about their ability to maintain control. I think the closest thing you’ll ever see to a sex competition is an orgy. I do plan to write on at some point… I’m just not sure when that will be. Thanks again for your comments and suggestions, I really do appreciate it. Sazbi: I’m not sure what you mean by chaos is a ladder… sounds interesting though I too am glad to finally have all the new celebs down in the complex and ready to be fucked with, so to speak . I am anxious to integrate Felicity and Cara into the story and into the sex lives of Alex and the other ladies. I both would and wouldn’t agree that Taylor’s corruption is complete. I do think at this point, she’d do pretty much anything Alex asked her to do. But where I’m curious to still push her boundaries, is to see what she’d be willing to do on her own or without being asked/guided. I’m specifically referring to is what lengths she’ll go to monopolize as much of Alex’s time as possible, to make her his favorite as you said. That, is where I think she can sink further. After all, its one thing to do things behind closed doors at the behest of the person your hopelessly infatuated with, its quite another to do them in the open, to garner that person’s attention. I like your idea of Ramsey Bolton breaking the girls of GoT, like in a hypothetical, Ramsey has access to any or all of the GoT’s babes to do with as he pleases...that could be seriously hot, and very, very dark. To do it properly, might almost be a darker story than I want to write. I think the lines I dance on in BDH are really about as far to the dark side as I want to go. I’ve done darker stories in the past, and kind of regretted them. I just don’t see myself doing this because to do it right, and realistically represent his character would push me further to the dark side than I’d be comfortable going… Thanks again for your comments, and your support. I really appreciate you adding the #thanks to the end of your post, and I’m sure my new editor does too . Alpa: I’m glad you’re interested in this idea. I came up with what I think is a pretty fucking amazing way to play this. I have a feeling you’re going to love it . Juan: I had a feeling you’d enjoy the Taylor scene. I have to admit as I was writing it, or rewriting it, as the first scene with her was much shorter and very much less degrading, I was like wow why didn’t I do this the first time. I am very happy with how that scene turned out and I think it really bring’s Taylor’s character to the forefront more than she was before. I would also totally agree that her devotion/corruption/fall from grace or what have you is much different than Emma. Taylor is completely, and unadulterated in her infatuation with Alex. While Emma still questions him, and though it is somewhat demented in it’s application, she totally puts the harem first. More specifically the ladies of the harem. I think what all this will lead to is a very interesting dynamic of three diametrically apposed view points. On one side Taylor with her blind devotion to Alex, another in Margot and her devotion for the mental and physical well being of the ladies, and Emma, who sort of falls between them. She is in love with Alex, but not blindly so like Taylor. She has the best interest of the ladies at heart, but doesn’t care if that means sending them to the punishment room to ensure they fall in line, and thus eluding future punishment… I think it will be very interesting to see where the other girls in the harem fall in these viewpoints, and who they choose to put their faith in. I mention in one summery, I think it’s Alex’s that during the four days, he visits each lady, which includes Emma. I know that was kind of hidden, but Alex does visit each lady at least once during the four days. He just isn’t showing her the same level of affection as he was before she lied to him. Thanks for your support in writing a one shot, and don’t worry about me writing a story featuring them as young. I would feel very uncomfortable writing a story featuring any girl much younger than 18, (16-17 max), and I think they were like 12 and 13 in that first season… lazyninjas: I wouldn’t say I feel pressure so much, well from anyone other than myself that is. I want to continue BDH, I think about how I could advance the plot, individual girls story lines, and the sexual escapades I can put them through every day. But, I also have dozen’s of other smutty sex stories floating around in this noggin that I’d also like to write . To me I have to find balance. Normally that falls into the I’ll work on BDH because in many ways its a lot easier, having already established characters and story lines. Though, the only way it got there, was by me working on it lol . I really like your idea for a Dove Ariana get together. My only real problem with it is, I don’t really want to feature girls who are in BDH. While Ariana isn’t in yet, she all but is as she was the winner of the fan poll, and she soon will feature in the story. I know that’s kind of a weird line, but they way I look at it is once they’re in BDH I’ll be writing about them so much I might almost get sick of them. The last thing I want is to put a girl in a one shot and then not want to feature her in BDH because I’m tired of writing about her… I hope by now you’ve read the chapter and are enjoying it. Please let me know what you think, I”m always interested in feedback, but its really nice to hear from a fellow writer and see what they think. Anyway, appreciate you adding to my thread please keep it up . Joe: Thanks for your vote. If we get lucky, I won’t have to write this, as HBO will do it for me . I do love Emilia Clarke though, and I seriously considered adding her to BDH. There is still one “open’ slot in BDH and she is on my short list of potentials, but I really couldn’t say whether or not she’ll end up making the cut. Thanks again for adding to the thread, I really do appreciate it. Ok, on to the poll: I have decided to do a one shot story that may end up turning in to a little side series I do when I want a break from BDH. I have no plans on giving the plot away, but I will tell you that I had an epiphany about the story line this morning while I was cooking breakfast and I think it is going to be an amazing story. I sat down and wrote the first half a page in about 10 minute before working on this post, so I’m very excited, and I hope it won’t take me more than a couple weeks at most to finish. I won’t give anything else away, but I will tell you the story will feature Sophie Turner and Maisie Williams as their Game of Thrones characters. The rest, you’ll just have to wait and see . But I think you’ll all enjoy it. Well that about does it, thanks again for all your questions and comments, and please please please do remember to add a #thanks at the end of your posts to thank my new editor for all his hard work. I’m Back to the Black, Mal
  15. Hey everyone, its that time again! I know it’s been a bit, but I’m posting chapter 23 today. This is a very awesome chapter in my humble opinion and my longest yet, a full 16 pages in word. In it, we see the further corruption of one of Alex’s ladies, the furthering of a rivalry, and the long awaited arrival of a certain someone! I won’t give anything else away, but this has got to be one of my top 5 favorite chapters so far… well top 10 at any rate lol . As to the next chapter, I’ve been debating on whether or not I want to put BDH on hold for a few weeks and write a new one shot similar to, but not necessarily the same as Felicity’s Fate. If I did this, I have a few celebs in mind to feature in the story, but I guess I’m kind of curious if you guys would be interested in me taking a break from BDH to work on this one shot. My guess would be it’d take 2-3 weeks to write it. That’s 2-3 weeks where I’m not working on BDH at all. How about I just make this a new poll…. But first, I’ve got some more good news. After a very innocuous comment in my last post, I was contacted by several individuals who volunteered to do some editing for BDH. I submitted chapter 23 to all of these individuals and received back some very helpful edits. What does this mean for you? First off, cleaner chapters with less grammatical mistakes, not that my work is terrible in that regard . It means a second pair of eyes helping me to identify confusing or convoluted sentences and paragraphs. All this should lead to cleaner chapters that are easier to read, freeing your mind up for...other things . I won’t identify the person I’ve selected because I honestly don’t know if they want their contribution known, but I would love it if you guys would just chime in and thank this person for working for free on their own time to try and make BDH a better story. A simple #thanks at the end of your next post is all I’m looking for, and I think this person would very much appreciate it. On to you guys, then I’ll set up the parameters of this next simple poll. Juan: if you like the Stockholm Syndrome, fall from grace, corruption style stories, this chapter will knock your socks off… at least I think its pretty amazing Chapters 10, 11, and 14 are some of my favorites too, though sometimes I have to admit I love the strong nasty stuff like in 6 and 22. As for the more “normal” scenes, I plan for the next several chapters to feature less hard stuff and more N/C type, struggling with the morality of living in the harem type sex… It should be a blast . Thanks again for continuing to post stuff, I appreciate it. Well: I don’t know if Alex would play April Fools jokes, and the girls probably have other things on their minds… I like the vibrating panties idea, but again I think that’s better suited to a punishment/ or BDSM type scene,and I guarantee I’ll use something like that again in the future. The Victoria Secret Fashion Night could be fun, and maybe if I get around to a big orgy scene that could be a fun way to start it off. Thanks again for your contributions bud. Alpa: lol, you’re just determined to see Alex screwed with a strap-on. I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever write a scene like this for two reasons. 1) it just doesn’t appeal to me. I don’t have this particular fetish in me, and while I appreciate, and can try to swallow my own aversions to write something the audience will enjoy, I just don’t know if I could make this one work. 2) I feel like I have a pretty good capacity to imagine how things I’ve never done might go/work/feel, after all, I’ve never kidnapped anyone. I’ve never had a three way where one girl was doing the other with a strap (or been in a three way with a dude and a chick, for that matter), yet I can describe those things… I just don’t know how realistically I could describe something that I have zero desire to do/try/experience. I’m sorry if this answer puts you off, and I absolutely don’t mean to disrespect any fetish you may or may not posses. It’s just not for me and I very seriously doubt I’ll ever write something like that… That said, your post again made me laugh, and I can only imagine the look of surprise on Alex’s face if something like that did happen . Sazbi: I have a very distinct plan for how the Chloe/Emma relationship will shape moving forward I think it’ll be pretty cool and fun and I think you’ll like it. As for Taylor, if you thought she was loyal before, wait till you read this chapter lol . You’ll have to let me know what you think after you read it, I’m very interested. Ok, this is just a quick poll to determine interest in a one shot story. It will have two parts. The first is just a simple Yea, Nay category. Type Yea if you support me doing a one shot, or Nay if you’d rather I work on BDH instead. Keep in mind this is an informal poll and I might just do what I want anyway lol . The second category is just a simple I’m curious who and what you’d like to see in a one shot story of an indeterminate category. As I have a few different ideas on what I’d like to write. For example, I’ve been itching to write a Bioshock Infinite fanfic staring Elizabeth Comstock. Where she travels to another dimension and fucks a futanari doppelganger of herself . A second idea I have is just a celeb fanfic starting Dove Cameron, and a third would be an incestuous story, maybe set in Game of Thrones, maybe not, staring Sophie Turner and Maisie Williams as Sansa and Arya Stark…. These are just a few of the idea’s floating around in my head… Anyway, please format your vote as follows: Type Yea or Nay depending on whether you’d like to see me do a one shot Type something like: Bioshock Infinite: Elizabeth selfcest (but type literally anything you’d like to see me wirte ) Like I said, I am ultimately going to do what I want, but I would just really like some feedback from you guys… Anyway, I hope you all enjoy the new chapter, I’m tired having literally spent nearly 10 hours getting the chapter ready and published, (been up since 5:30). I’m gonna take a nap. I’m Back to the Black, Mal P.S. Since it’s now kinda buried in the forum, if you’d like a hand drawn by me map of Alex’s compound please email me. You can find my address by clicking on my avatar next to this or any of my posts. I’d be more than happy to send you a copy.