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Posts posted by pippychick

  1. Quote
    • 1

    Reviews for Awakenings

    BY : pippychick & Melrick

    From InBrightestDay on June 28, 2019

    First times are magical things.  The emotional content in this chapter is really strong.

    Should he call it off? If he backed out now, would she feel like she’d done something wrong?


    “Do you want me to continue?” he asked her gently.


    Nina opened her eyes, placed her hands on his face and kissed him.  After a moment, she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him closer to her.

    That whole thing really made me smile, showing how much these two care about each other, and the part where Nina almost cried because of how happy she was almost made me tear up a little.

    Of course, there is the inevitable coming back to reality, on two fronts.  First, the future of this relationship is rather uncertain due to the age difference.  Second, Ray did come inside her, which is going to be an absolute nightmare if she gets pregnant at fourteen.  Still and all, this was a really sweet chapter.

    I did kind of tilt my head at one thing.  Nina's house is way out in the middle of nowhere, and she says that it has no phone reception (and presumably no landline).  That seems really dangerous if there's a medical emergency.  I've never been to Australia, mind you, so for all I know this is a common thing out in the country and it doesn't really cause any problems.  It just kind of caught my attention while reading.

    On a final note, you've officially done it.  I felt disappointed when the "this is just sex" reality check came up, meaning that yes, I am rooting for this couple now.  Looking forward to the next chapter!

    Thank you @InBrightestDay :hug:

    I’m really glad this chapter worked, and that Nina’s feelings about it all came across so well.

    Yes, the potential for her getting pregnant is a worry, and both of them need to take that more seriously than they are right now.

    As to the isolation, I suspect the must be some way for Nina to contact the outside world, just as I’m equally sure she’s keeping the knowledge of how to do so all to herself, for her own purposes (kind of like how she didn’t tell Ray her mobile/cellphone only worked at school).

    I am glad you’re rooting for them. There is something quite deep going on here, even if neither of them realise it yet.

    Thank you again!


    Reviews for Awakenings

    BY : pippychick & Melrick

    • From InBrightestDay on June 18, 2019

      Chapter 4

      Well, I'm all caught up!  Also, I can confirm that Ray and Nina having that conversation in the previous chapter really did help, since this chapter didn't creep me out.

      He’d never felt the breasts of a girl that young before, not even when he himself was that age, and there was no denying the difference.  They felt soft, sure, but firmer than the breasts of an adult.

      Although I will not have the honor of adult breasts impugned!  They're magical things and I am not budging on that front.

      Anyway, I liked how awkward this is for both of them, and not just in the sense of Ray thinking about the fact that he's about to have sex with a fourteen year old.

      He’d understood that he was in too deep at this stage to care about whether she was 15, 14 or even 13.

      ...Goddamnit it, Ray.

      Anyway, what I was getting at is that he's honestly just kind of awkward around members of the opposite sex to begin with, which works to sort of complement Nina's awkwardness over her lack of sexual experience.

      So yeah, I'm now actually looking forward to how things go next chapter!

    And lastly… for now, hopefully… :wub:

    lol… I will not say a word about breasts, or we’ll be here all day.

    But they are kind of equal in being awkward, so I’m glad that comes across. Ray is extremely lonely, and he’s not having an easy time of it even without having a girl throw herself in his way... and Nina is so terribly curious. “Goddamnit Ray” made me laugh though. 

    I hope you enjoy the rest :)

    Thank you so much!

  3. Quote

    From InBrightestDay on June 17, 2019

    Chapter 3

    This chapter helped me a lot, as silly as it may sound.

    I realize that my previous reviews might have come off as me saying that this story wasn't well-written.  That's not the case at all.  If anything, my on-and-off discomfort has been a result of how well done the characters are.  See, what got to me wasn't the age difference or the legality, but rather the question of abuse.  You've done a phenomenal job of depicting Nina's childlike naivete, so in spite of the fact that she's obviously gone through sex ed, when Ray started fondling her, I was still unsure of whether or not she truly understood the sort of thing she was getting into.  That bit where she wanted to say no but couldn't didn't exactly help.

    So why do I say this chapter helped?  Simple: they talked about everything.  It may sound very silly, but having both of them discuss what they were feeling and what the stakes were, so to speak, made me feel a lot better about the relationship.  It also helped more than you may realize to hear Ray say that he didn't want to hurt Nina, because it was something I don't think he mentioned in previous chapters; he seemed far more worried about the legal consequences of having sex with Nina than of the potential damage it would do to her, so hearing that he does care about that makes him seem like a better person.

    Well, now that all the super dramatic stuff is out of the way, I do also have to say this:

    Blue balls.  It was two words that most guys rightly feared, right along with the words ‘impotence’, ‘erectile dysfunction’ and ‘premature ejaculation’.  Okay, those last ones were worse

    That made me laugh.  Truer words...

    Thank you for this one too! :)

    I’m glad that their communication made you feel better about them. Well, he has been worried about those consequences, so they’ve been at the front of his mind. Even though Melrick and I are really making him go there. He doesn’t mean to do any harm.

    Ah… Melrick made you laugh… (points) :lol: 


  4. Quote

    From InBrightestDay on June 17, 2019

    Okay, so I ended up just reading the second chapter right after the first.  Sorry.

    Chapter 2

    Well, that slow build thing lasted all of one chapter.  Um...this was somehow both erotic and kind of alarming.  Like, it was hot, and then we discovered that Nina was actually frightened and wanted to tell Ray to stop and just like that it wasn't hot anymore.

    He thought about asking her to just keep it a secret between the two of them, but isn’t that what creeps and perverts say?


    Again, I am glad that Ray caught onto what he was doing and backed off, especially considering that this was moving far too fast for Nina there.  Still, it's not a good sign when his self-control is that tenuous.  It does make me wonder how we as readers are meant to see Ray's actions.  The first chapter made him seem like a decent guy, but are we meant to see him that way, or as something for more disturbing?  It's definitely something to think about.

    Anyway, I will be back for the next chapter.

    Hey again, and thank you! :)

    Well… I think she was more frightened of herself just then. She hasn’t been in any situation like this before, but she’s also very daring. It’s amazing how easy it is to get right out of your depth… lol. Silly Nina! But Ray is a good guy really. He’d never hurt her or deliberately scare her. He’s not thinking rationally at all right now.


  5. Quote

    From InBrightestDay on June 17, 2019

    Well, having read some of pippychick's other stuff, I had to read this collaborative effort here!  No offense intended to Melrick; I just haven't read any of your work before.  Anyway...

    Chapter 1

    I'm stepping a little out of my comfort zone here.  On the one hand, I'm not averse to Minor stuff in general, depending on how it's written, but on the other, I wouldn't usually read something featuring a fourteen year old girl (full disclosure, when Nina mentions how she'll be fifteen in a coupe of weeks, I did cringe a little), but the way you two are writing this really helped me.

    I think, had you jumped right into this relationship, I probably would have noped out of there pretty quick, but the slow build you seem to be going for is doing wonders, with neither Ray nor Nina really consciously moving this relationship forward, at least here at the start; it's just sort of happening.

    I do also appreciate that Ray, at least, seems to realize how wildly inappropriate this is.  I mean, this is absolutely the stuff you hear about on the news: "And finally tonight, a middle aged bus driver has been arrested for having sex with one of his fourteen year old passengers..."  I'm very curious to see if this story actually gets me to root for these two as a couple.

    At any rate, this is written really well so far, and I'll get to Chapter 2 soon!

    Hey, @InBrightestDay and thank you so much! :hug:

    Thank you for reading, even if it is out of your comfort zone. I’m entirely responsible for Nina’s age, and it’s interesting to think back and imagine what she would be thinking and feeling. But we wanted to try and write about two characters first and foremost, so if you do stick with it, be prepared for this to go a lot deeper.

    As for Ray, he absolutely does realise, and I think ordinarily nothing would happen here. But this is fiction, so we are just having a little fun as the Gods of this world, and watching what unfolds, so I’m really happy that it seems to be just happening, rather than being forced. I hope you will root for Ray and Nina by the end. Together, they are more than their age difference :)

  6. Quote

    Reviews for The Music Room

    BY : pippychick

    From JayDee on June 16, 2019

    It's really great how you fit all the emotion of the loss into so few words. The passage remembering Hannah sexually is very bittersweet, but I love the way the language changes from playing the instrument to comparing playing Hannah.

    " It seemed less painful now because they had loved, "

    It's like the old saying "It's better to have loved and lost than never loved at all" you've got a great way of putting it.

    Thank you so much, @JayDee – I’m so glad you liked it. I’m glad you noticed the comparison of playing the instrument and the lover. They both do involve a kind of purposeful caress. :)


  7. Quote

    Reviews for Awakenings

    BY : pippychick & Melrick

    • From JayDee on May 19, 2019

      You folks have done a good job of setting the scene and building up the sexual tension there. Ray's definitely showing an interest isn't he, but knowing how inappropriate it is, while Nina just seems to be getting into him. I guess it's lonely on the farm. There's a bit of a twist there with the reveal of her actual age - I'll give the future chapters a miss because it's gonna be too young for me, but I wanted to leave a review on part one because it's very well written.

      I was trying to work out where it was set - I initially thought Britain with Pippychick's past stories set there, but then there's kilometres for distance and mention of new guy's pants, but also arse - so Australia on behalf of Melrick?

    Hey @JayDee :hug:

    Thank you so much for this review, and I completely understand about the minor2, it’s why the tag is there. For me, it is kind of fun recalling my younger self so that Nina can borrow her for a bit (I was terrible).

    I’m glad the build up comes across well, nevertheless.

    @Melrick and I added the setting to the summary, because you gave us a reminder.

    I know I have so much catching up to do reading-wise (covers the ears of fate), and with any luck, this week could be my week, because I am really looking forward to it! I’m sorry I’ve been absent for such a long time now.

  8. Quote

    Reviews for Demonizing Angel

    BY : pippychick

    From tcr on March 14, 2019



    Best disclaimer ever.  Nuff said there.

    One point I think might have been an interesting addition to it: if you had used singular “they” for the beginning intro to the characters, I think that would have been interesting.  And then, when they change over to female, they could be switched to she.  It would add to the idea of “neutral” and, shall we say, for less that you have kind of hinted on.  And the idea of switching forms (as hinted by the line “She wondered what form Demon had taken, and then with a smile decided to let it be a surprise for later.”)

    I do love that touch of history in there.  That little bit of information that grounds the world of Angel and Demon, and make the story real.  And, having my love of history, almost sounds like the Thirty Years War.

    Love the description of the form Demon took.  Mmmmmmm.  Wonderfully delicious and beautifully written.  And Angel's look.  Wow!  Two sexy women!

    The foreplay between the two from Angel's viewpoint was well done.  It was both hot and written with just enough hardness to show Demon's personality.  Thumbs up, thumbs way up!

    And Demon's viewpoint continues it.  And gives more of a sight into her own psyche.  Definitely loving the build up.

    And chapter two…  bit of a twist, but an interesting and compelling twist.  Demon loves Angel and, from the sounds of it, Angel loves Demon.  A message of the complicated nature of good and evil and the ever convoluted attempts to differentiate them?

    It was hot to the end.  And an interesting take on religious themes.  I definitely loved the Aramaic in there, too, very nice touch.  Definitely a fantastic piece of writing and I certainly hope you come back to it

    Thank you for this review too tcr! :wub:

    I think that if I rewrote this, I might try that very short beginning part without the use of pronouns at all, which would make it a smoother read.

    From what I remember, I was creating an entire mythos here, represented by Angel and Demon. I’m sorry I didn’t continue it in some ways, because they were good candidates.

    I’m glad it was hot…. that’s honestly the most important part. :)

    You’re very good to me, and kind with these reviews. Thank you :hug:

  9. Quote

    Reviews for The Pollution of George Farrow

    BY : pippychick

    From tcr on March 14, 2019



    Wow, that was bloody intense.  Not in a highly action oriented way, but in the entire situation.  In your wording and the atmosphere you created.  It was superbly written.  And I found it to fit in with the prompt line quite well (although JayDee may think otherwise).

    The character of George...  Honestly I liked the evolution.  He started off, to me, as an unsympathetic douche, then shifted, quite reasonably to less douche, then average, then sympathetic (in his own way).  And the way you did it was fantastic.  Word choices and descriptions helped this transition elegantly.  (In some ways, it reminded me a little of Stephen King's Thinner.)  And that's a bonus.  I do like the twist at the end, too.  I won't say it here, but it was a good way to usurp expectations I had going in.

    Despite not being in there long, too, i felt the connection between Liz and George strongly too.  You did an amazing job, the subtleties of their relationship and the backstory there, it's too bad the events that transpire.  And the dogs...  My heart just...  Animals, my weak spot.

    Now for the setting.  I like the beginning and ending, and the tie that binds them together.  I think it was a great touch and a nice little foreshadowing to his change.

    All in all, excellent work.

    Thank you tcr! :)

    Wow… I have reminded someone of Stephen King. I have now reached the pinnacle of my powers, lol. Chuffed to bits about that, especially since I do love Thinner. It’s a great horror story.

    Aww… no dogs were hurt in the writing of this story. :hug:

    I’m glad that the relationship with Liz came through, and that you saw that echo in the  beginning and the end. Thanks again!


  10. I thought some might find this interesting. Vermont University have tracked word usage on social media etc to create this, a listing that assigns a ‘happiness’ score to words.


    I know it’s only one connotation, and probably not infallible, but if you’re trying to create a certain mood, where your descriptive work lies here might be helpful.

  11. Quote

    Reviews for Butterfly

    BY : pippychick

    From tcr on March 12, 2019

    Chapter 1:

    First off, Pippy, thanks for telling me about this.  Lol.

    Second...  The chapter is well written, as I've seen from you, so that's not a surprise.  You continue your well chosen words, descriptions, and, even though based off the show, the characters are well written.  This chapter feels like it could have been part of the show.  Even the attraction between Walter and Astrid, whose chemistry in the show could have gone that way in a different situation, feels natural.  You did a wonderful job with it.  It's a great start and I definitely look forward to reading through the rest.

    Third, as touched on, you have done a great job transferring characters from the show into this story.  They don't feel out of character or out of place (and the scenario definitely fits the show).  Two thumbs way up for that.  And Walter, definitely makes the show and I found him to be one of the best characters, so I certainly look forward to what you do with him and Astrid.


    Chapter 2:

    First off, I loved the beginning of the chapter.  I think you presented Walter's inner thoughts extremely well, with the same idea as the show presents.  I thought it remained perfectly in character (especially Walter's thought process, normal for him, disjointed for others, yet you've weaved it perfectly).

    Second, the interaction between Astrid and Walter was enjoyable, too.  The show of concern by Walter for Astrid felt like a bit of role reversal from the series (although, I do believe similar things happened, too...  I might be a little fuzzy on details).  It was a good scene and I love the subtleties in your writing.  You're a master wordsmith.

    But now it seems things are going to get strange, just like the show!


    Thank you @Tcr :hug:  

    Well, I am rewatching it. Ostensibly, I’m writing Iason/Riki, but it never hurts to have a backup plan.

    I’m so glad you’re enjoying it, and that it seems in character. I probably say this about a lot of characters, but Walter really is a joy to write. The mixture of genius and insanity that makes him up is fascinating. :)

    It’s a bit of a bumpy start, but they get there. I hope you enjoy that too.

    Should be fun to have them hide what they’re up to from Olivia and Peter, and show that they’ve been working during their hours and hours of alone time in the lab, lol.

    Thank you again! :wub:

  12. Quote

    Reviews for The Ruined Abbe

    BY : pippychick

    From ANON - Laney on November 16, 2018

    Thank you for this. It was an absolute treat! They are so in-character, and the intimacy is so gorgeous. I’m making a video tribute to Joaquin Phoenix, so I’m watching a lot of his films, and Quills always makes me want depraved stories of this pairing. I adored your story! I was hoping Marquis would teach Abbe a bit about blood play....maybe slip a knife under his pious collar and cut a shallow slit in his throat, then kiss the wound and leave a trail of bloody kisses up the column of his neck.... I should probably write that lol. Anyway, I loved your fic and how it entertwined with the story. Your version answers a lot of questions and is damn hot to boot. All the best to you <3

    I seem to have missed this when catching up with review responses (or I think I have – if not, sorry for the repetition), and I am sorry for late reply, but thank you so much, Laney! :) I don’t know if you will ever see this response, but...

    I’m glad they’re in character, and that the sex scenes work well. I had a great deal of fun writing this one. Maybe it was having Sade as a muse for a bit, maybe it was playing with JP’s version of Coulmier. Interestingly, the historical Coulmier was not as pretty as JP, and was a hunchback. Also he was much older, but he was a pioneer in treating mental illness. I’d love to go back in time and listen in on one of their real conversations. Alas, I probably wouldn’t understand anything, since I don’t speak French. Sade had a great sense of humour, which you can see in the letters he sent from prison, particularly to his mother-in-law. He was part of the aristocracy, but he soon jumped ship and produced subversive and revolutionary pamphlets for circulation when required, and in his work, his address to women is light years ahead (in liberty) of where we are, even today. I suppose it’s difficult to say what he really believed; it’s likely he just worked in his own self-interest, but my more forgiving self wants him to be a hero for sexual liberty, and particularly sexual writing.

    Gah… sorry, I did a lot of research, lol.

    Thank you! :wub:

  13. 2 hours ago, JayDee said:

    I’ve actually done the first chunk of a story called The Fall of Chastia which from BronxWench’s guidance I’d have to post in the Books section as it features some Biblical angels as active characters and Lucifer’s rebellion. I hope to get it done!


    I had a little daydream that she started having sexual thoughts while training with Luzurial when you mentioned that memory… now I wonder what the actual story is!

    2 hours ago, JayDee said:

    I just can’t write so good as some of you other folks on here.

    Just stop right there. There are a handful of authors that I read, and you are one. That number dwindles down still further when I’m actively writing stories myself, but you remain up there. Every now and again I delve into your back catalogue for a treat, because you’re written things that will stay with me forever (as I write this, I am thinking particularly of the Ace story in DW, and the one with the disembowelling crocodile rape monster thing, which I enjoyed even though I don’t know the fandom). Plus I adore your sense of humour. :wub:

  14. Quote

    Reviews for The Pollution of George Farrow

    BY : pippychick

    From InBrightestDay on March 09, 2019

    Well, JayDee lured me back to the site with a new chapter of Fate of a Fagottist, so I might as well get this review written as well!

    I really enjoyed this one, and it honestly surprised me, because I thought this was going in a very different direction.  The early "corrupted nature" and body horror elements made me think of The Bridge, but this steered neatly away from that and by the end, I understood why you put this in Angst instead of Horror.

    I know you said you thought George was horribly unlikeable, but I think you may be selling yourself short.  George is a deeply flawed individual, but he actually has a lot of sympathetic qualities.  He may make money off his dogs, but it's clear by the end of the story that he really does care for them, and he may describe his relationship with his wife early on as mutual toleration rather than love, but his reaction when she dies shows otherwise.  Even his bitterness at the newer, environmentally responsible businessmen doesn't keep him from admitting that they're right.  He simply doesn't like being used as an example of what not to do, which is an entirely understandable reaction.

    What really impressed me about the story, though, is the comparison you draw at the end between George and the elemental.  In many works, nature spirits billions of years old would be portrayed as either completely inhuman or wise and mature, but the elemental's actions show that it's actually more similar to George than it first appears.  This is most obvious with regards to the "pretty" comparison, and how each side sees that there is "so much left" of the other, but there's another aspect to it.

    George was aware of the impact his cost-cutting was having on the environment, but he chose to ignore it for selfish gain.  The elemental is no doubt aware of the environmentalists, and it could reveal itself to humanity at large and work to help itself and the life it has nurtured through the eons, but instead it chose petty revenge.  George claims he didn't know about the effects his company had back in the day, but he knows that's an excuse.  The elemental says that "all are complicit" but it starts killing George's dogs, which as nonsentient animals are most definitely not complicit, in order to torture him, which reveals "all are complicit" to be an excuse for what it's doing, similar to George.

    It's fitting that, in spite of the elemental covering the entire planet, in the end the it and George are portrayed as being alone together.  Beyond just being bonded by suffering, they are more alike than either of them would care to admit.

    Overall, I really enjoyed this, both for the creepy buildup and for the surprising character piece at the end.

    Thank you so much, InBrightestDay! :)

    I am not sure I deserve these reviews, but I’ll try and answer your points, so here goes:

    I’m afraid the lack of body horror later in the story is entirely down to my own limitations as a writer. I wanted to put it in (I’d been looking forward to that very thing), and I had no compunction about inflicting it on the character, but I found I couldn’t do it without losing the emotional and psychological resonance. I mean, Guy N Smith is one of my heroes, and he can do this with ease. He’s written a number of favourite gory horror scenes, and it kills me that I can’t emulate him. In the end, I had to begin with a little, and heavily hint at more later on, which is kind of personally disappointing to me.

    George is unlikeable to me because he’s an out and out capitalist, and I’m the complete opposite. Writing his pov – sympathetically – for me, required some pretty hefty suspension of belief. I still feel dirty. *shudders*

    As to the comparison, I think I did say the elemental is also an emissary. It was probably created just for this, to communicate some kind of dissatisfaction. That likely meant it was able to relate to George on a much smaller, human, and more petty level.

    I’m glad you liked it. :hug: I have to admit, though, I was much happier with how ‘The Price’ turned out. This was difficult, but I think it was also good practice. In time to come, I’m sure I’ll realise I learned a lot from it.

    Thank you! :wub:

  15. It’s wonderful :wub:  

    And while I’m here, I just wanted to say that I still miss Blackbird. I wonder if he’s out there somewhere in the ether, waiting for his chronicler to see him win his way through… somehow. Not nagging at all. :angel:

    Just like this little piece here, you are a sensational writer. I am quite sure I haven’t told you that often enough.

  16. Quote

    Reviews for The Pollution of George Farrow

    BY : pippychick

    From JayDee on March 04, 2019

    SPOILERS. PROBABLY. TL:DR  - Enjoy the story for psychological horror and tragedy!

    Thanks for taking my randomly thrown out idea and writing a story from it. It is, and I say this as a compliment, pretty fucked up. I can see how it wouldn’t be everybody’s cup of brackish water, but it certainly isn’t boring. It builds at just the right place without any real sense of threat at first, like his odd sensation is just an old man being annoyed, before getting bleaker and bleaker until that long-term ending.

    Taking it from a river spirit to being an actual ancient all-water elemental really made it into a serious threat – that bit where he’s asking ‘why me’ and all it says is why not you first? It’s like the rest of us are boned too – after all, as the other deaths show.

    When the greyhound racing was introduced at the start, and the mention of him having the money making idea, my expectation was he’d be one of those assholes who treats greyhounds like shit and then dumps them when he’s done with them, but George’s relationship with the dogs came over a lot more than that – little things like keeping them at home, and spending leisure time with them, and his genuinely tragic reactions both to the phone call and then after the x-ray. I really felt all that, and his realisation how much he’d valued them. Got to me that all did.

    Ok, so you didn’t have gobs of gore you wanted, but the description of his leaves filled wound which kept re-appearing definitely has an element of that, made me cringe thinking about that one- even more than passing pebbles and silt!

    The section towards the end, starting You won’t die Look... and ending with it repeating Pretty... is some especially  amazing writing, it covers the whole scale of the thing, and George’s realisations, and that plea for forgiveness that goes ignored...

    I think the biggest psychological cruelty was where it made him think it was all a dream, and Liz was still alive, and Coll at home... and then letting him think he was succeeding at ending it only to be a dream referenced at the end.

    You did a great job with a tossed out throwaway prompt than I ever expected anybody to bother with. I hope others give it a try and end up feeling as unsettled as I do right now. Thank you!

    Thank you so much, Jaydee :wub:

    I really didn’t expect to get an in-depth review like this, and you’ve made me very happy. :)

    As I said in the author’s note, I really didn’t like George at first. I think in some ways this is why it took so long to finish this. I kept wanting to bash him for lots of things (for instance, I’m pretty sure he reads the Daily Fail), and then I had to calm down and think: yeah, but it’s his point of view, so just stop it.

    I also had the ending almost from the start (the “pretty” bit), and I really liked that, so I had to try to make the journey there and get it to work somehow. I’m glad that it does work a bit, even if I couldn’t write all the gory bits. Maybe I’ll leave that to the Master… :worship:

    Thank you for letting me use your idea! You’re awesome!

  17. 6 hours ago, InBrightestDay said:

    recall how you said during your review of Whore of Heaven how you have to feel things to write the stories you write?  Well, I work exactly like that too, very possibly moreso.  I’m kind of sensitive emotionally (which is why I asked for permission to write this story) and I actually made myself cry while writing this sequence, with Luzurial’s PTSD flashback and her breaking down crying in the bathroom.  I was hoping I would manage to communicate at least some of the emotions I was feeling, so I’m glad it worked at least partially.

    It works fully! I definitely felt it. Don’t mind me, I’m a tough cookie, and furthermore I’m British therefore I understate. You should read ‘it touched my heart’ as: ‘I was suddenly transported to that bathroom, and I could feel all the same things she was feeling, and it hurt, and I wanted to put my arms around her and make it all right again.’ :yes:

    7 hours ago, InBrightestDay said:

    “Adrian” doesn’t really mean anything as far as the story is concerned, but “Hobbs” is an English surname derived from the medieval given name Hob.  Hob is a medieval short form of Robert, but “Old Hob” is a nickname for Satan, so you know...bad guy name.

    Ah… well, I just recently rewatched ‘Fallen’ and I kept imagining a lovely young Denzel Washington, so it was a bit of a surprise for me when he suddenly turned. :lol:


  18. Quote

    Reviews for Fun in the Lower Dales

    BY : pippychick

    • From JayDee on March 02, 2019

      WARNING –Review may contain spoilers. So scroll past. Real fast.


      The ending! Absolutely subverted expectations. It was literally a “Holy shit!” because I didn’t see it at all. Obviously I assumed he was doomed from the moment he ordered carling in a real ale pub. I also had a great sense of awkwardness and embarrassment as they’re winching out.

      Lordale might be fictional, but it absolutely captures a specific type of place – spot on in the pub atmosphere, and the friendly villagers –I understand there’s quite a few places where, if the old traditions didn’t entirely continue, they’ve certainly been revived. Definitely a few parish border walks going on, for example.

      The argument at the start and the reconciliation really rang true as well. Navigation can be so damn stressful, but those kind of arguments don’t harm a strong relationship.

      That slightly awkward moment for Simon where it looked like he was being clingy/jealous over the landlord talking to her felt pretty real as well – but at least he had the self-awareness!

      Both bouts of sex were hot – that little detail ‘she was always hot for it when she was tipsy.’ And just two people who know each others bodies enjoying each other.  Noticed appears to be a missing word “so he could his cock back into the grip” – if it helps!

      I guess the mystery is the scrap of obituary – genuinely just a coincidental bit of drawer liner? I guess him not having any brothers, and the fact there’s not even a name, is the big hint there that he’s just making something of nothing with the date.

    Yay – thank you so much @JayDee – this has really made my day :wub:  

    I’m glad it came across as authentic. I really don’t have much confidence in my original work, because to me it seems to lack some kind of sparkle. I’m slowly coming around to the thought that the sparkle I’m missing is the conscious echo of canon that’s involved in fanfic, and I should get over it. Reviews like this really help. :)

    I’m really happy the punchline works too. It’s going back a bit, but while writing I was putting the clues in, and thinking: am I being too obvious here?

    Not sure about the rest of the country, but there are well dressings at places like Hope and Eyam, and I don’t think they ever really stopped, just that people lost interest until relatively recently. It does seem to have been co-opted by Christianity, though, which has  probably helped keep it alive to be fair.

    Thanks for telling me about the typo too – I’m off to fix it now!


  19. Quote

    Reviews for The Price

    BY : pippychick

    From InBrightestDay on March 01, 2019

    Chapter 2

    Well, I finally got around to it!


    SPOILERS (if I'm guessing right) BELOW


    So, I think I get what's going on here.  The figure in the cloak is a person, serving, in some way, as the Spirit until he or she can pass the job off to someone else.  I'm not sure if it's possession in the classic sense or if it's something a little different.

    At any rate, looking at both chapters combined, this really has the feel of ghost stories both new and old.  In terms of newer ghost stories, it actually reminds me a fair bit of The Ring, partly in the sense of inevitability, and partly because the only way to escape the effect is to pass it on to someone else.

    In terms of older ghost stories, there's no one thing I can point to specifically, but I own a book of ghost stories collected by Roald Dahl, and this story has the same atmosphere that a lot of the creepier ones in the book have.  I realize the Spirit isn't a ghost per se, but I got the same feeling.

    Overall, this was a really creepy story with a great atmosphere.  Thanks for writing it!

    Another review from @InBrightestDay – thank you so much! :hug:

    Wow – I’m not certain I deserve those compliments, but I’ll run off with them! If I can do ‘creepy’ then I’m happy.

    Yep, you’ve pretty much hit it. As I was writing, I surmised that a mortal soul is necessary for the more tedious hanging around the spirit seems to do, and if that soul wishes to move on, then it will get quite aggressive at taking people when the opportunity arises, though I guess they’re looking for one in (probably) millions, so it’s a very long wait. Whether Kathy appears as her own gender, even I’m not sure, but I did have a feeling that the older, less specific legends of the Lady in the Lake might be connected to this spirit somehow. In the end, I decided not to make a point of it.

    And you’ve reminded me I have another story to finish for JayDee about angry water. I think I’ll dig that out next and work on it this week. I’ll also get to read some more of yours once the weekend is done and I’m off work again :) Will Kev and Luzurial get down to it? How guilty will Kevin get? Will Luzurial need to give him a small dose of amnesia to get him through it? Ohhh, imagine that: every time is the first time…

    Um… no… smut is not all I think about! :shifty:

    Thanks again! :)