WillowDarkling

Went to a toy store to buy a birthday present for niece, paternal unit asked if there were any spiders there. Went to the grocery store, found plastic spiders and bought them for the paternal unit. He’s 69 years old and walking around with a plastic spider on his finger.

Went to a toy store to buy a birthday present for niece, paternal unit asked if there were any spiders there. Went to the grocery store, found plastic spiders and bought them for the paternal unit. He’s 69 years old and walking around with a plastic spider on his finger.

Ye gods I need applicants where I work.  Arrrrghhh 

Last night, I was adding "heavy cream" to my grocery list, and the two words my phone suggested after "heavy" were "breasts" and "balls." Phone, you know me far too well.

(taken from facebook)

Not fiction, this happened in my house recently--
It was a dark and stormy night, in a great big house.  Thunderclouds had swirled down from the north and were dumping the rain.
On the phone I had just talked with Jenny--who, with our son, was out-of-state on their road trip to see a massive museum.
I was in my recliner sitting quietly a moment because I was ready to go to bed.  The dark filled every room, all but disregarding a few puny battery-powered candles:  Left the only soul in the house, I was downshifting for sleep.
Power briefly flashed out. The kitchen clock winked--otherwise I wouldn't have missed power, since I'd already had the lights out.
But over the din of the pounding storm, I made out some grating noises and then--footfalls.  In our bedroom, over my head.
In my mind I inventoried what had caused this big house to creak like that from time to time.  Creaking I could explain, yeah.
But there were also the little dull impacts.
Unmistakably, movement upstairs. It sounded exactly like Jenny getting out of bed and walking across the floor--a sound I knew well from repetition, having heard it here above my head-- sometimes every morning in a week--yes indeed: footfalls !
But with Jenny in Ohio, then: who?
The noise was, beyond my doubt now, a presence upstairs.  I froze to stone not wanting to be detected—trying to reassure myself thinking:  It’s the noise of the storm—that’s nothing upstairs  ! 
And when would that Nothing--responsible for what almost was starting to sound like distant angry bangs and thumps--descend the stairs, coming this way?
Starting to hear my heart in my ears, I mentally rejoined the presence by trying to reduce it to some mundane cause I knew--finding it nuts--
Because nobody--especially in a pounding storm--breaks into the TOP floor, while rain slides off the roof and sheets down windows.
Over the roar of the storm, I finally caught a distinctive sound: A plastic case, wheels on an axle jarring with an impact. 
Our vacuum 'droid was loose.
I'd been petrified by what I found to have been the noise of his slamming into furniture like a drunken bad actor who hadn't rehearsed his action scene.
The power spike had jolted his dumb plastic butt right off the battery charger.
And in the dark and fury of the storm, he was--
 VACUUMING.

In an hour here I report to work, first day new job--maybe I'm a tad tense.  Mind going a hundred miles an hour.  Random story chosen to channel my energy--
So in Austin I was a college kid walking the nude beach (yup, literally miles of beach in the heart of Texas.  Hippie Hollow).  I was passing a cluster of camped-out folks.
Some bubba in a power boat zoomed closer for a look--and his engine stalled--with him drifting broadside fast toward our promontory.  He could get beached, or his hull could take an unforgiving poke from the terrain.
Guess what made me grin at this memory is--awww, all us naked people scrambled to the edge of the knee-high cliff to help, humanly buffering the gap and giving a shove so he wouldn't end up with his favorite toy scuffed.  
Well, he'd wanted a look !
 

Fasting turns me into a fucking Tinkerbell! I only have space for one emotion at a time, and it’s amplified tenfold because my body wants food!

Fasting turns me into a fucking Tinkerbell! I only have space for one emotion at a time, and it’s amplified tenfold because my body wants food!

Eureka! I have a car again! Picked it up tonight, and I am utterly delighted with my gently used Jeep.  

My son was downstairs getting ready for school.
Upstairs--off from my normal workday commute--I'd been quietly absorbed in my thoughts: out of sight, unknown or forgotten by all--next to the light switch for the stairs. 
I heard my son tell his mom he had to go back up for his socks.
As he was reaching for the OTHER switch--downstairs--I flicked the light on.  Ta da !
I'm told they looked at each other.
Then he looked back up the stairs.   "Daaad ! ? "  
'Tis the season, for haunting.  He wasn't all convinced that was me !

Global productivity is on the rise due to the Facebook outage.

Don’t mind me, chuckling where I had Dumbledore refer to anybody under a hundred twenty as a “youngster” in my potter fanfic.

I know it’s automated and generic, but I still like the birthday cake Bing made me.

So, just when I think things are settling down, and life is beginning to approach normal once more, my car decides to die. This is not simply a case of spending a week with its favorite mechanic. Oh, no. This is a case of the computer no longer talking to any of its sensors, resulting in a very large paperweight that looks quite a bit like a Jeep. 

The daft one and I are going car shopping tomorrow. Hide the whiskey...

Can someone please explain to me why I get so hot and bothered every time Luke Evans posts a topless picture and I can see his nipples!? God damn it!

My inner devil wants to compliment the selfie.  Your inner demon for the upcoming holiday?

Can someone please explain to me why I get so hot and bothered every time Luke Evans posts a topless picture and I can see his nipples!? God damn it!

The adorableness of Catinca Untaru not knowing her lines, and totally not understanding a word of Lee Pace’s dialogue is beyond perfect.  And Lee Pace’s performance in that role is beyond perfect as well. 

The adorableness of Catinca Untaru not knowing her lines, and totally not understanding a word of Lee Pace’s dialogue is beyond perfect.  And Lee Pace’s performance in that role is beyond perfect as well. 

Fun fact: Alexa is responsible for 95% of werewolf attacks in the last 5 years

Rest in Peace.

So a woman asks her mom not to bring a dangerous man who was convicted of a homicide in 98 (the grandpa) around her kids, the grandma does it anyways and the mom is surprised when the grandpa takes a sledgehammer to the 12 year olds head! cuz the grandpa thought the kid stole money from him!  (my neck of the woods)SMH
 https://www.fox6now.com/news/milwaukee-man-accused-of-killing-grandson-charges-filed

So… we just had our second police shooting… 

Big shout-out to @BronxWench for granting a hojillion category requests today!