Review responses for "Twist My Arm" [The Loud House]

[GeorgeGlass]

From VaultHunter18 on May 19, 2020

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first off great story, always loved your Loud House stories,

Thanks, VaultHunter! (Imagine that I’m saying that in Marcus’ voice.)

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and second I don't think that this is the stories' end and i'm looking forward to the next chapter. keep up the good work

Indeed, one more chapter awaits. Stay tuned!

[king]

First I loved chapter 5 it was a awesomely sweet and funny chapter, I'm also happy Lincoln and Ronnie Ann got some payback, and Lori and him had that talk afterwards and there cool. Second I also loved chapter 6 was a fun and sweet Epilogue I hope there's a sequel when there older and get together .

[GeorgeGlass]

Glad you liked the finale, king. I’m not planning a sequel right now, but I’ve got more Loud House stories in the works. 

[GeorgeGlass]

From Fairy-Slayer on June 22, 2020

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Chapter 5+ 

Heh, that was a mean trick to play on Lori – but oh-so deserved, regardless of her deeper reasons. 

 

When I first started writing this story, I planned to have just 4 chapters, with “home plate” being the finale event. But that didn’t feel like a sufficiently satisfying ending, because Lori needed comeuppance, and everyone needed to learn something. Then the “fifth base” idea hit me, and after I bounced it off Jomahawk and he liked it, I decided to make that the finale event. 

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I agree that Ronnie Anne is quite the evil genius, and Lincoln did an excellent job with his end of the ruse. 

To make this work, I needed to paint Ronnie Anne that way, and to show Lincoln at the top of his game.

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The descriptions of Lori's trepidation and distraction were nearly as good at the kids' hardcore final drive-in. (I guess the Friday sessions made up the "drive-in" count to match the number of movies. ) 

I enjoyed writing those bits. Just in general, writing Lori freaking out is fun.

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Still, it's sweet that he and Lori cleared the air after seeing them off despite having been a pain in the ass. (It sounded like she managed to get through it okay though.) Lincoln & Ronnie Anne's live chat had a nice vibe to it, and you made it clear that they were going to "finish" that conversation very nicely.

I like a happy ending.

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Thanks for another fun & sexy little tale. Good to know that you've got more LH stuff on your list.

You’re welcome, and thanks for the review, as always!

[GeorgeGlass]

From DoctorYnot on October 23, 2020

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As expected, the second half of the story is just as wonderful as the first. I hope you don't mind, I'll be going chapter by chapter here.

I don't mind at all. I love your detailed reviews.

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chap four 

Lori's so deliciously terrible. Being flippant and entitled even when demanding a favor from him. That 'you can be kind of thick' thing. You want to both slap her and kiss her, that maddening blonde minx! 

 

I had so much fun writing Lori in this story. She's such a mercurial character that you can write her doing just about anything and make it believable as long as you make her mood match her actions.

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Regardless, I'm sure I've mentioned it before but I love the music and rhythm your prose has. I'm not sure if I can explain it properly. It just has a certain humor and joy to it without it being constant wacka wacka stuff...Perhaps the correct word would be whimsy? I just mean it captures a lot of the sunniness from the show. It's pleasurable to read. Quite enjoy it.

Thanks! Part of why I like writing Loud House fics is the fun of finding ways to capture the show's consistent levity. Having the other sisters available as background characters helps a lot with that, as do the peculiarities of the Royal Woods setting (like the inordinate amount of fusion cuisine).

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I did finish the story before I started writing the review for this chapter, so I'm not sure it's proper for me to analyze Lori's behavior here knowing what we find out in the future, I suspect it affects my interpretation of things, but all I can say is her dismissiveness and role as an unstoppable, actuating force for these events is portrayed really well. You really get the sense Lincoln doesn't have much of a choice, which shouldn't be the case because the premise is so wild you would rationally imagine he could just run to his mom, but somehow you make it feel so inescapable that that really just doesn't occur to the reader. You get completely swept up in Lori's pace, just like Lincoln. Great job.

Thank you. Yeah, there's a certain "claustrophobia" to this story, because even though Lincoln is surrounded by people at all times, there's really no one he feels he can talk to about what's happening -- Clyde chief among them. And I think he would fear that going to his mom with this would open a bigger can of worms than he wants.

BTW, I've come to realize that I keep shunting Clyde to the side in these stories, because he's always a potential source of interference in my evil schemes. Therefore, I'm planning a Clyde-centric story titled "Clydeborg: The Six Million Dollar Ladies' Man."

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Adore the passion from both of them as the whole thing begins to unfold, the increasing need and yearning as their youthful desires are allowed to be unleashed.

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That inner city schools crack was good, heh.

again. 

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I really liked that 'God, she was smart' line! It was a great, elegant way to depict a sudden burst of affection and enamorment(?)

Spell check says no, but my eyes say yes.

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on his part brought on by the sizzling heat of the moment. I actually was really impressed by the simple humanity/veracity of that and how seamlessly it transmits Lincoln's inner feelings at that moment to the reader without having to be explicit and specific about it. It's one of those things that's subtle but clear and trusts the reader's intelligence to discern more from it than just what is directly stated. Like I said, it's elegant. You can really feel him falling in love and I think it's amazing to read.

That line had a second purpose: to show Ronnie Anne as clever and the type to plan ahead, because I needed her scheming in chapter 5 to seem plausible.

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The ocean waves thing is a very lovely visual for their lovemaking. Beautiful, actually.

Thanks. 

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God, I could hear the 'oh BABE' in my head so crystal clear. You really know how to set these characters up. I bet that is EXACTLY what Lori/Bobby sex would sound like. I love it.

I remembered Bobby shouting "BABE!" through the window when Lori reluctantly locked him out in "Undie Pressure" (one of my favorite episodes), and then I imagined him shouting that in a very different context.

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Ronnie Anne's smooth, young hips bucking energetically against Lincoln's...Mmm. She's not even my favorite girl on the show but man that is such a hot mental image. That skater girl with her tight, fit body. 

Yup. That’s part of why I wanted to feature her in this story, weird teeth and all.

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And having Lori and Bobby be fucking just nearby really adds a layer of debauchery to it that's incredibly captivating. The whole situation is just so, so dirty and sexy, while at the same time being kind of believable that events have really led to this, which is an incredible achievement on the face of the story's at first glance wild premise. It just comes down to how well you understand these characters and how you use that understanding of their psyche to orchestrate things to unfold this way without anything seeming contrived or OOC. That's the secret for fanfiction to feel good, if you can keep everybody in character while this kind of stuff happens, if you can use those characters to justify the situation they're in, you have a hit. That's what you managed here. And using that as a tool, having Lincoln be motivated by Lori's orgasm and want Ronnie Anne to make the same sounds, is an excellent, excellent touch, it shows how his resistance has been lowered, how his resistance to what's going on has been worn away over the course of the nights until he's just as into this as Lori is. Wonderful.

IMO, gradual escalation is a really valuable tool in writing sexy fanfics. The challenge, I find, is making the early stages interesting enough that readers will want to keep reading. So in chapter 1, I used a lot of comedy, familiar Loud House images and tropes, and the promise of more action at the end to keep folks interested.

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I only wish they weren't wearing condoms, condoms are the devil!

I'm not a fan, either. But in this fic, I felt that I had already stretched readers' suspension of disbelief to the limit; the kids' not practicing safe sex, I thought, would be going too far. Also, Lori giving Lincoln the condom was important to the story because it showed that she was totally committed to her plan and that there would be no talking her out of it. 

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Gosh, I just love the passion of this whole sex scene! It honestly feels so damn good! I only wish it was longer but maybe the pace is part of what's making it work so well, I don't know. All I can say is that I'm really digging it.

I find that I can only make sex scenes so long without feeling like they drag, unless there's some kind of change-up that keeps them interesting (eg, like people switching partners and activities in the nonstop orgy that is my Phineas and Ferb story "Hot Yoga").

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Lovely little way to end the chapter. A little giggle after all that great smut. I perhaps would have included Lori looking a little exhausted when she looks back at him, maybe her bangs being pasted to her forehead by sweat, but apart from that it was perfect.

Ooooh, that's a good image. 

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Chap 5

Awww, these kids are so cute together! I'm so glad you took the time to make sure there was a moment in the story where Lincoln and RA could really just get a breath and take stock of their feelings. That's an important element to a good smutfic, at least in my opinion, and I think it's time really well spent. Watching them be honest with each other, unhurried by any outside factors, and just allowed to really bask in the happiness and the romance, cuddle and discuss things, after all the chapters where they were hurried along by Lori and their circumstances is so satisfying. Like I said, I'm really glad, it for sure elevates the entire narrative.

 

Having used a whole bunch of excuses to keep Lincoln and Ronnie Anne from talking privately in chapters 1-4, I had to finally give them a break here. I also wanted them to have more "vanilla" sex before they started talking about going to "fifth base." And, of course, they needed an opportunity to scheme against Lori.

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I admit, I would have have Ronnie Anne said it makes me feel pretty rather than attractive, because attractive as a word feels a bit more devoid of feeling, whereas pretty expresses Ronnie Anne's hidden girlishness. That's just my opinion, though. 

Yeah, fair point.

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It's cute that Ronnie Anne felt insecure, deep down. She pretends to be a tough girl but you can tell she has that core of sentimentality where she wants to be seen as the cute girl she pretends so hard she's not. As a small note, at this exchange: 

[“Really? You don’t think my teeth are weird?”
 
“Weird? You’re talking to an eleven-year-old with white hair.”

 “I always figured it was from stress because you have such a big family. Plus, you’re kind of high strung. That’s why I was so surprised when you decided to make a move and kiss me that first night at the drive-in.”]

 

I think every kid has something they're insecure about, however tough their exterior may be. 

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Just picking nits here, but I might have included a physical reaction from Lincoln in that second line, a chuckle perhaps. Since it's three pieces of dialogue back and forth with no mention of their bodies or expressions it can kind of make them seem a little, well, disembodied, and a small detail like that would have helped to ground it and remind us of the scene and setting. Again though, just my opinion, and it's obviously only a small issue.

Something I'll keep in mind, though.

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Loved their little exchange where they come clean with each other. I would have slowed it down just a tad so we could have enjoyed it more, maybe included a small little cliffhanger, ... , something like that to give us the opportunity to dread Ronnie Anne's reaction to the news, wonder how she's going to take it, before RA just sighs and reveals she might have guessed, and then maybe another line after she takes his hand and says 'Yeah.' where we have a little time to decompress, maybe something that mentions that they spent the next few minutes cuddling, something like that. I could just be overthinking it though.

My biggest weakness as a writer is pace. I worry about getting bogged down in details (I'm not a fan of novels that describe everything in agonizing detail while you wait for something to actually happen), and sometimes I overcompensate and speed through things as a result.

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RA's great. That sneaky little devil. It's about time Lori got her just desserts, the story would have felt incomplete without the tables getting turned on the blonde after the way she's been carrying on these last four chapters like she's the queen of the world. An intelligent inclusion, it really balances out the narrative and makes things feel much more complete and full circle, which is quite satisfying. Plus, it lets us get some nice characterization from Ronnie Anne. Again, it comes down to balance, the latina's been so reactive throughout the story that this ploy really reminds us who she is and what she's about. Cute little wild child. Gosh, I'd forgotten how much I liked her but this story really reminded me. In a lot of fics Ronnie Anne is pretty passive, like in the first half of this one it's usually about how she reacts to Lincoln and the sisters rather than acts, and calling back to the show and giving her her own little motivation and decision power here was a lovely little choice that makes things feel even better.

My original plan was to make this story 4 chapters long -- one per base. But that would have just made it a series of sex scenes rather than a story per se. And then this idea hit me when I imagined Ronnie Anne saying to Lincoln, "So, you ever heard of 'fifth base'?" and then imagined Lori crying "Oh, God, my ass!" So this was definitely a case of plot flowing from character.

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God, Lori is hilarious! I love that little act she puts on, where she acts like Lincoln should explain for HIS benefit rather than hers! There are these amazing moments in some fanfics where you get a deeper look at Lori than just her being the bossy grown up one, where the facade drops and you see she's just as much of a kid as the rest of her siblings, and it's always so excellent, especially when it's as natural as it was here. I love that, I can just imagine her puffing herself up and trying to disguise her unease, crossing her legs in feigned composure, as Lincoln has to explain it to her while she frets inside that her dorky little brother knows more about this topic than she does and is being so mature about it while she's freaking out. Aaargh, her being flustered for a change is just the best! So satisfying with how everything else has been going so far! I really have to reiterate that it was honestly a genius touch to do this for the ending.

Boo-Boo Butt cracked me up. Wonderful, wonderful way to display how frazzled she is.

 

Putting the shoe on the other foot opened up a lot of possibilities in terms of Lincoln's and especially Lori's behavior. I tried to milk that for all it was worth. 

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That window line thing is something that would have never ocurred to me. Ronnie Anne IS smart, damn...

That she is. 

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Would have said Lincoln was only barely distracted by this exchange rather than barely distracted by this dialogue, since dialogue sounds like you're describing a story. Regardless, that was such an amusing glance at how all of it is going for Lori and Bobby. Made me smile big time. You've got a real gift for sexy, non-intrusive comedy. I've always thought comedy and sex just don't mix, that they're competing reactions in the brain and you can't add to one without reducing from the other, and I guess I still believe that, but this quick little snippet was really good, mostly because the story genuinely demanded some kind of payback for Lori and you presented it in a stylish way.

Thanks! This was the most complicated chapter to write, so I'm glad you think it worked.

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Love to see Lincoln getting swept up into the moment that he's so into it he actually LIKES hearing Lori and Bobby. Very lewd, but after five chapters it's an earned reaction, and those are the best kind.

Yeah, I wanted Lincoln to be totally committed to the action this time. 

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Apart from being delightfully amusing, I'm actually surprised. I don't even like anal sex but this chapter really did it for me. Something about the way you describe Ronnie Anne's ass, the wordchoice and, I guess, knowing when to insert it in specifically really excites me. Taut, tight, little...It's quite right, accurate, vivid, it's the perfect word choice. Really evokes Ronnie Anne's firm, toned skater's posterior to me and the thought of Lincoln with his hands around it and fucking this cute little tomboy hard really, really turns me on. I liked it even more than the last chapter which, again, should not be the case since anal sex really does nothing for me but I really think it's the way you put it all together and the scene you painted. Could really imagine the heat from their bodies fogging up the windows and RA's tight little body squirming around Lincoln's cock while she gives those low, sultry moans in that voice of hers, before finally losing her characteristic cool completely and screaming out her climax. Very nice.

Thank you! I'm gratified that you liked this scene even if the action was not to your taste.

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Wow, I really wasn't expecting that last little apology from Lori. Tremendous way to humanize her and give the character a bit more soul beyond just the wackiness. 'Pushed you into doing things you weren't ready for' is a really soulful way to put everything that's happened, it's frank and honest about things without being obscene and that's what post-nut scene called for. I like Lori's sense of entitlement to her little brother's sexuality, but I like her being a good big sister in the end even more. It's the heart that really makes a story special, in my opinion, and this one was well served by that final bit of sentimentality to close out the last chapter.

I didn't think this story could end satisfactorily without some kind of resolution between Lincoln and Lori. And I felt like, having said goodbye to Bobby, Lori was now in a place where she could start reflecting on everything that happened on those five crazy weekends, and looking at her own behavior a bit more objectively.

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Dang, I started writing this review before you really got deep into her rationale! I like that even more! The characterization of Lori as just this diehard romantic is absolutely dead on, the implied idea she wouldn't feel the need to explain herself because she's so used to being in charge of Lincoln. I really like that! It's cute that she was looking out for him in her own perfect, unilateral Lori way! Cute, cute, cute! I love that pushy blonde lunatic!

Thanks! That was partly inspired by Lori's behavior in "Heavy Meddle" (another favorite episode of mine) when she and the other Loud girls were clearly very excited by the prospect of Lincoln having a girlfriend, and by other episodes in which Lori is anxious to give Lincoln dating advice. Not to mention “Save the Date,” which was the main inspiration for this whole story.

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Nice little denuoument in the last chapter. 

Thanks. I'm not sure the epilogue was absolutely necessary, but I thought it would be nice to end with some indication as to where Lincoln and Ronnie Anne stood with each other after their wild month together.

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Now that it's over, what can I say...? I really enjoyed the moments I got to spend with this story and its characters. It was a wonderful little romp through a very fun scenario, the comedy was on point without being cloying, the entire cast felt extremely true to who they're canonically portrayed to be, and, above all, it was so, so sexy. Who can ask for anything more? It might not have been some 100k word epic, and I admit, I do wish we would have gotten a little more time with it, but ultimately I think that's just because I loved it so much I wanted to inhabit the world as long as I could. Overall I think the pace it had was steady throughout, it didn't feel like you were in a rush, more like this was just the story you really wanted to tell, and I think you managed to extract a really complete, satisfying narrative out of the premise.

Thank you so very much.

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Again, I can't help but compliment you on how beautifully you capture the humor and zest of the show. I think that's one of the things that make your Loud House fanworks some of the most enjoyable around, just how authentic everything feels tonally. I think at the end of the day Twist My Arm is a classic, perhaps your best Loud House fic yet, and I'm so grateful you took the time to write it and share it with us. 

Wow. Thank you!

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I've still got a couple of GeorgeGlass pieces on the backburner waiting for me to read, and after finishing this one, I can't tell you how excited I am to finally get to them. Amazing work George, and thanks again!

Thank you for such a thorough and enjoyable review!

[GeorgeGlass]

From Dixie Freelove on December 03, 2021

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Ooh! That was good! I loved he way you described the action!

Thanks!

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I was hoping Bobby and Lincoln would swap girls though! That would've been really hot!

I agree, but in the context of this particular story, I didn’t think I could have done that in a believable way.

Thanks for the review!

[GeorgeGlass]

From ANON - Zac on December 15, 2021

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i love tje story. Keep writing

Thanks, and I will!