Thundercloud's Review Responses

[Thundercloud]

Catching up with reviews I have missed and there is two reviews for my sexy villain on a rampage story. A shame that I don’t get email when I get reviews when they were written.

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Carmen Elisa Nees to Die
Chapter 1 From Wilde_Guess on February 27, 2023

Yet another wonderful story.  This is not a bog-standard "Hero on a Quest" story, and I like that.  The story is well-written, and the sex scenes are a perfect fit for both the plot and the mood of the story.

Thank you for the review. I have actually been toying with the idea that the setting could work for follow up story with “Hero on a Quest” when somebody tries to fix things. It sounds like it will be very long story so I am bit hesitant to jump into. I have far too many epics  going on and the Carmen story was meant to be a short interlude that became much longer when I kept coming up with more fun to write scenes.

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Carmen Elisa Needs to Die
Chapter 2-5 From Wilde_Guess on February 27, 2023

The ending made sense, but was still a surprise.  My favorite quote, though, is from Chapter 3.  "Every body needs to breathe, except Ted of course."

There are minor typos here and there throughout, but you've written a great story!

Having a surprising ending that makes sense is best feedback you can get.

I am also very glad you liked the chapter 3 scene. It was much effort to write the first person narrative from the lead person that is not entirely trustworthy narrator, but chapter 3 scenes feels like the occasion when the effort paid off.

A big thank you for doing the reviews of my story.

[Thundercloud]

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With the Mirror Came…
From D1xon on July 12, 2023

Was a fan of this on sexstories.com, glad to have found it again and glad it's continued

Great that you have found the story again. Sexstories had very good reading numbers, but the moderation was abysmal with some bot thing that make bonkers decisions that you could not challenge. I am very glad to be away from there, but I am glad that you found the story while it was posted there.

You might be interested to know that story will feature 13 chapters. I am working on 12 and 13 in parallel to be able to go out with a bang.

 

[Thundercloud]

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With the Mirror Came… Review of Chapter 10. Spoilers in review below!

Well, it’s been 3 and a half years since I got back to havea look, but within the first few words it was all flooding back. The assholeghost! Man, I  hope he gets his some day.

I have not seen that word before, but googling it shows it is a very accurate description. 

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I enjoyed the opening scene, Ronja sort of having control for a second with her pretend hypno acting and imagining Maria, only to kind of get it turned on her as “John” just used her face and left her lying there. The ghost actually wanting the masturbation on the table was an amusing escalation.I guess it won’t be catching up on the morning papers!

Good that you enjoyed it. There are meant to be more and more situations when Ronja participates kind of willing, but normally with a different outcome than what Ronja would have preferred.

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Then another Mark and dog part! I know Ronja’s had to do some messed up things to get by, but actually making her do the math study? I kid, actually her being naked around the blind guy and the dog is hot. Heh, kinda shot himself in the foot by not getting her off first, didn’t he? So then she goes for the dog. That whole decision to just be unfaithful with too cocks felt like self justification because she’s more into the dog than she wants to admit.

I totally agree about the preference for bestiality. She would have gone there eventually no matter what Mark did to satisfy her. 

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Oh, right Mikaela! I’d forgotten about her, actually. Still,seems like a smart move from Maria to go for mutually assured destruction threat to end the blackmail. If it doesn’t somehow go wrong or get turned against her, I mean Maria and Ronja are normally so lucky! I actually laughed out loud at the exchange

“Maria beamed at Mikaela as she sent the recorded voice message. “I sent it now. No point of my phone suffering an accident.”

“You look peachy for somebody that will get fucked by a male cock soon,” Mikaela said.”

Yeah, the sarcasm really drips off there.

Indeed. As for mutual assured destruction I would say that Maria is finally starting to trying to play it smart, but she is not ruthless enough to really win the game. Mikaela have reasons to think that Maria won’t go through with her threats, but the same does not hold with the landlord.

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The scene with Frank, well, he was pretty keen not to be fucking a 16 year old. That’s gotta make him the most decent guy so far.

He is probably the most decent, but I think Mark is not too bad. He might take advantage of nude hypnotized girls, but besides that he is rather okay. It is also worth to notice that Ronja has been asking to spend time with him after they had sex at the school so he has good reason to believe she have the hots for him. Maybe working with the story has warped my perspective a bit...taking advantage of hypnotized girl is rather nasty when you view it from a real world perspective. 😉

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Also,second laugh out loud was him getting one over Mikaela at least for now. Nobody beats the landlord!

…and the unsolicited dick pic ending. Cliffhanger or cockhanger?

These long detailed chapters take some time to get through,but I hope to read and review 11 before long too!

I will looking forward for another thoughtful review from you. Many thanks for the review!

[JayDee]

Mark certainly seems to lack the active malice of some of the other characters from what I recall and read in that chapter. Even his taking advantage is really just going along with this hypno kink role play girl getting freaky around him. And his dog. Especially since she’s not quite perfect in the bits when she’s pretending to be hypnotized. Even as blind guy he might at least subconsciously pick up on the faked trance bits, ya think?

The landlord, on the other hand, was concerned he was accidentally fucking someone too young, and just seems cheerfully pervily happy to watch some lesbians go at in on camera! Still, I am a few chapters behind so more to be revealed to me! 

[Thundercloud]

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Review of With the Mirror Came..From JayDee

Chapter 11 spoilers in review below!

I liked the idea of Maria suddenly getting the magical horny feeling again, the ‘wave of desire,’ only to have her mother demand that she remembers to clean the window. Poor girl’s about ready to “clean” them by bending backwards and squirting at them…  but it’s another way of showing the hypno element threaded throughout the story with her body just responding to the command. Sort of unintentional (on her mother’s part) orgasm denial there, even before she’s had a chance to masturbate.

The idea that I should raise the stakes for Maria by making her further enslaved by the dildo came from a reader. This scene when she get the compulsion to masturbate, but cannot act on it since the magic of the dildo has messed a lot with her head seemed like the perfect way to show it for the reader. 

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Felt like some more character progress for Ronja with the remote viewing masturbation session on Maria – which was hot! – because she’s taking the more dominant role [kind of foreshadowing of her costume for the party!],and also starting to ask herself why she’d even resist with everything she’d done. Is it the hypno suggestion directly or is her mind sort of changing to her circumstances?

There are more hypno commands in play than Ronja (or the reader) knows, but there is also a thought that the commands are so effective since Ronja have no real objections to doing the sex. Back in the first chapter she fantasized about Jonathan using hypnosis to exploit her sexually. The reality of that turned out to not be less glamorous than she had imagined, but Ronja is practically the perfect victim for the ghost since she is inclined to like all kind of sex a lot. 

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Also, since it’s the ghost in John’s body fucking her, is it still the incest aspect of it making her come again when she thinks back to it,or more hypno suggestion that she should come when she thinks about herself on the site? Sorry if some of this was made clear, I think I’m getting it and maybe just over thinking😊

Yep, seems you are getting it, but are over thinking things. 

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…also Maria having to explain to her mother what all the noise was. That’s a funny image.

He he, part of humiliation is that somebody must be listening if there are loud sex. 

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Good on Mother for being supportive and suggesting she have her girlfriend over. Unless, you know, she just thinks it will be more peaceful if Maria’s mouth is stuffed with bush.

Having the girlfriend over and making sure she gets how embarrassing it is with parents listening is bound to make things more peaceful for the parents, at least that is what the mother hopes. 

It is also worth to mention that it is meant to be general theme that much of the fear about coming out as lesbians is in the girls heads. The people around the girls are all remarkable tolerant compared to what might happen in the real world if girls start to do depraved things.

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…ok, sheet of linen ghost Maria would be hot though. You got potential for someone else under the sheet too…  Ok, just me then…heh

Maybe I should do some short story about such linen ghost costume, that concept has promise.

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Great little scene with the blowjob and ass-play – I liked that the ghost actually let her pick what she wanted to stick up there, then used the spoon anyway. Wooden spoon spanking isn’t super uncommon, and it’s easy to envisage.

Important for the ghost to stay in character.

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“18th-century house Kristinehovs Malmgård” – I googled it to see if it was a real place. Looks like a nice place. Bit of character there!

Just about every place in the story is real. The final chapter will feature some links to real locations of the story for readers that are interested. As for Kristinehovs Malmgård I have never been there for a masquerade, but it is great place for parties. 

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Heh, more blackmailers. It’s starting to feel like you can’t trust anybody in Stockholm! I kid, I kid.

Considering the young men has stumbled over to ads posted by Mikaela it is a continuation from the previous blackmailing.

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I thought when she got juiced up from “John” with the magic,it was to get her in the mood for them, so it was interesting when they still just weren’t doing it for her, the way they just aren’t sexy enough for her, so she just concentrates on getting ‘em off. Wasn’t how I saw it going, but worked!

Cannot having her drooling too much over ordinary cocks when she got a obsession with the ivory dildo. 

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Haha! Holy shit, badass dominatrix Ronja! That was cool.These little victories, like with the landlord over Mikaela in the last part, they really help to boost the tone of the parts and show something different.

Good that you enjoyed it Having the cosplay trigger for once helping the girls was fun.

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That last section was really hot, walking Maria home in bondage and screwing her, while Maria’s thinking about her term to dominate back! Really good stuff. The mental image of Maria being walked through the party like that is powerful.

I had to make sure the cosplay trigger also caused some serious troubles. 😉

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Last line – Ronja’s been knocked up? Ghost getting itself a new body?

Ronja put herself on the pill a few chapters back to avoid accidental pregnancies. 

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Fingers crossed I will be on to chapter 12 to read more quickly.

Sounds promising, I go digging through your stories when I get time.

[JayDee]

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Maybe I should do some short story about such linen ghost costume, that concept has promise.

One way to keep public sex under cover! 

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Just about every place in the story is real. The final chapter will feature some links to real locations of the story for readers that are interested. As for Kristinehovs Malmgård I have never been there for a masquerade, but it is great place for parties. 

It does look like a great venue. It’s honestly great to see fine old buildings still in use and getting some good public access. 

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Ronja put herself on the pill a few chapters back to avoid accidental pregnancies. 

They’re only 99% effective 😛 Is she absolutely on the pill then, and not just under a hypno compulsion to pop a breath mint and assume it’s the pill? No, it’s fair enough, I just wondered if that was what the line was about. I am sure it gets brought back later on.

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Sounds promising, I go digging through your stories when I get time.

Don’t worry about it, honestly, truly! like 90% of my stuff was pretty nasty content, and I don’t need reviews to review. It’s just been a while since I was reading or writing or in the right headspace to do either I guess.

[Thundercloud]

23 hours ago, JayDee said:

They’re only 99% effective 😛 Is she absolutely on the pill then, and not just under a hypno compulsion to pop a breath mint and assume it’s the pill? No, it’s fair enough, I just wondered if that was what the line was about. I am sure it gets brought back later on.

Sounds like you want to start talking about Chekhov’s Gun...

23 hours ago, JayDee said:

Don’t worry about it, honestly, truly! like 90% of my stuff was pretty nasty content, and I don’t need reviews to review. It’s just been a while since I was reading or writing or in the right headspace to do either I guess.

Reading your stuff and trying to avoiding nasty content might not be the best plan. On the other hand, I have read enough by you to know what to expect. Great sex scenes and you sometimes knowing the franchise you are dabbling with… 😉

At the end of the day I also have a reputation to uphold. You might not need reviews to review, but everyone is not as good at doing reviews.

[Thundercloud]

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Review of With the Mirror Came… Chapter 12 review/thoughts/the odd spoiler!

Just in general, it’s great they’re really communicating now. Sharing the knowledge about everything, or nearly everything – hard to talk hypno triggers if you might trigger them I guess – but it adds to showing how close they are in their shared adversity. Another good chapter!

Thank you. Considering how much trouble they have gotten into so far because of not communicating, I thought it was important to show they are learning from their previous mistakes.

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It’s kind of sweet that after all this time Ronja’s going public with their relationship. Two girls, in love, with a few obstacles to overcome…  Wasn’t sure if it was a mean girls bully type situation there at the start, or if at least one of them rather fancied having a dominatrix drag her bound and half naked around in public. Maybe she should go speak to the more dominant Maria… hey, interested fellow student! Fresh meat for the hypno videos?

The intention when I wrote it was that bullies always act out when they are in a group and say things they would never dare to say alone with their victim.

The idea that some fool might run into trouble by trying to exploit Maria never crossed my mind. Imagine what kind of hurt that person would suffer if Maria had the chance to let some steam out…no I should not listen. If I started going down that path, I would soon have another 10 chapters to write. 🙂

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I liked Maria’s thought process over staying – yes, she might have to bang a ghost possessed guy, but on the one hand she isn’t going to leave her girlfriend to face it alone, and on the other she gets more sex with her gf. It felt like a making the best of a bad situation!

Thank you. As a fellow author, I think you can imagine how many times I revised that section before I was satisfied. Inner thought processes are damn hard to write.

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That was a fun little sex scene! I liked how ghost-John wasn’t there to start but pretty much had to go get involved, and after getting his dick sucked let the girls play. Also, nice mix of different accessories – the clamps, beads and one of those big ol’ vibrators. I liked how they were ready to just carry on fucking each other until he had to order them to go back to making dinner. Those two really do love each other!

*smiles*

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>Kungsholmens Glassfabrik on Pipersgatan Street.

> Piperska Muren garden

Googled them, as with the venue in last chapter. It really adds something to be able to see some of these real places, and imagine the characters there. Stories set in a lot of real world places I have a good idea from film, or TV, or even visiting, but here I’d be going of description and filling the blanks.

I recognize the feeling. When I visited New York, it was a marvel at the walking streets I had seen in so many movies.

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That’s a great looking garden.

I agree, there is quite a history there. Count Carl Piper began construction in 1695, but he was taken prisoner by the Russians during one of the wars before it was finished. His wife finished the work by recruiting Nicodemus Tessin the Younger, one of the most famous architects in Swedish history, who did much work for the king. The city of Stockholm has been responsible for taking care of the garden since 1945. 

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On the next bondage sex bit – wow, that was a buncha spanking!I liked the position with John, it’s like the ghost has been watching pornos and learning stuff to try. Never mind bad toy, though, that’s bad mistress leaving her sub unattended in that kind of bondage. Could have had some serious issues with blood flow and muscle damage in those arms! Luckily, it’s just a fantasy story and all ok : )

I think it is safe to assume John has some collections of pictures and clips that gave the ghost so many ideas.

As for the punishment, the magic is messing with and making them do stuff no normal person should be doing. Good, we can enjoy it as a story, not as a movie clip of an actress suffering the same. 🙂 

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I’d say my favourite scene in this one though was the last one, with Maria. Something about the way she was so obviously in physically better shape – actually having to order her to prevent to be overpowered. She’s got some steel, that girl.

Nice if the last scene is the best.

[JayDee]

9 hours ago, Thundercloud said:

The intention when I wrote it was that bullies always act out when they are in a group and say things they would never dare to say alone with their victim.

The idea that some fool might run into trouble by trying to exploit Maria never crossed my mind. Imagine what kind of hurt that person would suffer if Maria had the chance to let some steam out…no I should not listen. If I started going down that path, I would soon have another 10 chapters to write. 🙂

I was having a bit of a discussion recently about feature creep with these things, how you gotta draw a line and say no, not exploring that, it’s already X words let’s just get it finished! 

You could always save it for a “Domme Maria Side Story” oneshot 😛

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I recognize the feeling. When I visited New York, it was a marvel at the walking streets I had seen in so many movies.
 

There’s something about NYC isn’t there? I went myself, years ago. Looking out from the Empire State Building viewing deck, or out over the water at the statue of liberty, or the Brooklyn Bridge, or Time’s Square, or a guy with his pants around his ankles shooting up in Washington Square Park… it’s all so much like the movies it is unreal. 

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I agree, there is quite a history there. Count Carl Piper began construction in 1695, but he was taken prisoner by the Russians during one of the wars before it was finished. His wife finished the work by recruiting Nicodemus Tessin the Younger, one of the most famous architects in Swedish history, who did much work for the king. The city of Stockholm has been responsible for taking care of the garden since 1945. 

They’re doing a bang up job of preserving it from the pictures I saw! It’s great for a city to have some good public spaces like that.

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I think it is safe to assume John has some collections of pictures and clips that gave the ghost so many ideas.

The ghost’s originally from an earlier time, right? Been a while since I read the first parts. Must have been a hell of a nice surprise to find porn didn’t have to be cheap books or woodcuts!

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As for the punishment, the magic is messing with and making them do stuff no normal person should be doing. Good, we can enjoy it as a story, not as a movie clip of an actress suffering the same. 🙂 

Oh, yeah, absolutely! There’s a buncha stuff you can do in stories or even with special effects or whatever in shows that doesn’t fly in real life. Was just a random thought tbh, I probably shouldn’t even have mentioned it. 

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Nice if the last scene is the best.

Saving the best for last – a fine tradition!

Will get onto the next chapter as soon as I have enough free time.