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Review responses for "The Miss Cutie Patootie Pageant" [The Loud House]

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From ConanEdogawa on January 21, 2018

Will Lincoln have sex with Lola?

No, not in this fic. Although I’m a big fan of incest and have written other Loud House stories that involve it (“Whoops” and “The Loud House After Dark”), I’m not including any incest action in this one. Lincoln and Lola will be getting it on with someone, though; stay tuned to find out who.

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From DoctorYnot on January 22, 2018

Wow, I really like what you have here so far!

 

Thank you!

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You have such a great, comfortable style and flow. It feels like you're totally at ease. I suppose that's probably because you've been writing for so long.

 That's part of it, yes. The other part is that I feel like I know these characters really well (I'm sure I've seen every episode of The Loud House at least twice), which gives me a lot of confidence in writing them. Having a good beta helps, too.

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Speaking about the story itself: things are sexy so far, sure, but I'm also really enjoying the subtle humor and just the general wit of everything. The Leni with scissors thing for instance really made me laugh. 

Thanks! That joke was a late addition; my highly perceptive beta reader, Fairy Slayer, asked how the kids had convinced their parents to let them go to the pageant by themselves, so I had to come up with arguments for the kids to make regarding why Leni should be trusted to supervise them. (Spoiler alert: She shouldn't. :) )

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Lola's been characterized well, too; she has some great lines and her body language is on point. All the sisters are, actually. Honestly most of this should probably go without saying but it's hard to pick just one part of the story to comment approvingly on considering there's no 'potholes', literarily speaking, no discernible weak points.

Thank you! As I've probably mentioned before, getting the characters right is a high priority for me. That’s why I only write in fandoms that I feel I have a complete understanding of.

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Everything feels polished to a mirror shine and made to a a very high standard. 

Thanks! It helps that I'm an editor IRL, and that Fairy Slayer is kind enough to beta this story for me.

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That being the case I guess all I can really do is speculate on the narrative arc.

In just the first chapter you've set up so many intriguing little plot threads, it feels like. I don't suspect the sisters you had come along were chosen at random for example.

There are reasons for each choice, but they are purely practical. Lola needs each of them there to perform particular duties. Plus, not including every Loud sister means that I don't have to come up with another cheesy pun for Luan to make every third paragraph. :) 

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 Maybe it's just my own mind jumping to conclusions, but it feels like there's SO much you could do, so many possibilities open with the layout you've created and the cast you've put together, that one night really doesn't seem like enough to explore them all. Still, I'll definitely be watching carefully to see where everything goes. I'm very intrigued.

Glad to hear it! And I hope not to disappoint you.

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A couple of stray thoughts to close things out: I really like that you come up with clever little alternate names for real world brands, items, etc. Elizabeth's Mystery for instance. I don't know if it's just me but naming actual brands in a story set in the Loud House world is something I always find takes me out of it a bit. 

I agree. When writing cartoon fanfics, I try to obey the rules of that cartoon’s universe (with one major exception, of course :) ), which in the case of The Loud House means not naming real products. That said, I cheated with the Big Wheel bit, because I couldn't come up with a fake brand name that would conjure the right image in the reader's mind. 

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I appreciate this kind of attention to detail to make sure the story is as familiar-yet-not as possible. The girls' porn names are all clever and amusing. 

Those were fun to come up with. Sadie Godiva is my favorite. :)

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Misty Mako's description was the one I found particularly hypnotizing and well-written among all of them, really good flow there. 

Because we see that scene from Lincoln's perspective, I paid more attention to the details that Lincoln himself would focus on. And Lincoln is a lot more interested in a hot teenage girl than in a bunch of creepily precocious preteens.

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And lastly, the big wheel gang thing was something I found almost as funny as the Leni bit.

Thanks!

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Well, I guess I better stop there to keep from droning on. It should go without saying at this point but I loved the first chapter and I can't wait for more!

More is on the way! And thanks for the comments.
 

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From RandomReviewer on January 23, 2018

Lincoln, slowly make your way to the nearest exit, and call the police o_o

 

Exactly how short do you want this story to be? :)

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Great beginning Mr. Glass, I can't wait for chapter 2.

Hope you’ll like it. 

BTW, every time someone calls me Mr. Glass, I think of the last line from Unbreakable, which is probably my favorite last line in any movie.

  • 2 weeks later...
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From DoctorYnot on February 08, 2018

The new chapter was really something. Since I've already given my thoughts mainly on the story itself, I thought this time I'd just make some quick comments on what really jumped out at me. First of all, I really liked the description of Lincoln's anxiety, how he froze up so much that he just went back to calm. 

 

I once heard someone talking about a friend of his who was a nervous type but who nonetheless became a Navy SEAL. It seemed that the guy was better under high-stress conditions than low-stress ones. So I thought Lincoln, who has a lot of experience dealing with multiple sources of stress, might be the same way.

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That bit was fun and so was the mindless flirt he gave Misty. The 'do some slapping herself' line was got a smile out of me, and I liked how you invoked Lola and Leni to display how Lincoln could tell the difference between a phony smile and a real one. That was effective use of two present sisters.

One thing I like about writing Lincoln is that even though he's only 11, there is a lot that he could potentially know because of his sisters (as we saw in “Roughin’ It”). That gives us fanfic writers a lot of latitude in terms of what Lincoln knows about any given topic.

BTW, what do you mean by present sisters? Has Rita Loud told you something she hasn't told me? :)

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While we're talking about good lines, the four years junior/four years senior wordplay was also quite satisfying to read. 

Thanks! It took a little work to figure out exactly how to phrase that.

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And speaking of the dances, boy, they were certainly intense. I was not expecting you to describe the elaborate choreography so deeply. 

I wanted Lola to shine in the dance competition, and I felt that for readers to see that, they needed to have a clear picture of the competing acts to know what she's up against. I also had fun figuring out what each contestant would do for her act.

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They were particularly great at putting the reader in the position of Lincoln and leaving us sympathizing with him; for my part I felt just as flustered and out-of-sorts as he did, and it's always great when you can make the reader feel what the character is feeling. That's one of the most elegant things you can do as a writer, I think. 

I completely agree, and thanks!

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Lastly, what might have been my favorite part of this chapter was the explanation for why Luna wrote that song. As I read the lyrics I found myself wondering how on earth Lola got her to write something so lewd, whether she was in on the pageant, basically what the heck was going on, but the explanation was perfect and felt so, so true to the characters themselves while adding a dark, saucy little touch to the proceedings.

Yeah, after I wrote the song, I realized that I would have to explain how Lola got Luna to write it, which ended up providing a character moment for Lola, too.

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In the end I can't help but look forward to finding out more: about Lola's feelings for Lincoln, which you lightly hinted at in this chapter, about the rest of the sisters feelings about what they've involved themselves in and about what some of the more unscrupulous girls might do to try and win 'Uncle Herb's' vote.

The next chapter will get into most of those topics in a big way.

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Very nice update, man. And again, heck of a job with those song lyrics. I'm not sure I've ever seen a really tightly written original song in a fic before, let alone two!

Thank you! I had never written a song for a fic before, and I was concerned that the songs might fall flat because the reader gets only the words and not the melody. But I went for it in the hope that readers would imagine the melodies for themselves.

Also, I originally planned to write only Lolly Pop's rap song. But when I finished it, I realized that I couldn't give Lolly an original song without giving Lola one, too. Lola's song was harder to write because it had to be in Luna's style. So I'm glad you liked the way the songs turned out.

Thanks for the nice review!

  • 1 month later...
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From Lunarsilver on March 13, 2018

I thought lolly had a fetish for being used for sex fucked after all isn't what all the girls are doing to win

 

We don’t know what Lolly’s fetishes are. But being semi-mouth-raped apparently isn’t one of them. 

 

  • 1 month later...
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From F14m3rz on May 07, 2018

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This story seems pretty interesting. I always wondered, in a world where the Loud House got lewded, what would happen if Lincoln got roped into one of Lola's pageants and had to fuck his way out of the situation.

Wow—it’s like I was writing a story for you all this time and didn’t know it. :)

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But here, it gets deeper than that. Not only is what I just said in this story, but the entire pageant is in on it rather than it being just some quirky something or another. Now Lincoln has to deal with all sort of things; the immorality of it all, giving his sister an edge while trying not to be revealed to be a kid, etc. Then there's the matter here, where Lolly's "uncle" is gonna do the same thing Lincoln was told to do. My only guesses are that Lola's gonna change out with Lana in that regard, or they're going to have to get creative somehow.

No spoilers. :) 

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All I know is, I'll gladly see the next one.

I don’t like to make promises about when the next chapter of a story will be ready, but I did make some good progress on it today, so maybe soonish.

Thanks for the review!

 

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Hi, it's me,  I just wanted to say hi and let you know that I just read the 4th chapter of the 'Miss Cutie Patootie Pageant' story,  and I really liked it, I thought it was very good, anyway, how are you doing with your other stories like 'Splinter ' ? let me know when you have the time,  anyway hope you're doing well and good luck with your stories,  bye and have a nice day

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From DebbieCync on May 12, 2018

Great chapter, though it looks like Lincoln is laying down on the job, as he is not tiring them out nearly enough.

 

Indeed. Although maybe he’ll endeavor to do better now that he’s coming into the home stretch.

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Since the girls are required to make the rounds to ALL the judges does that mean Lana and Lola are going to flip a coin for who takes on Lincoln as their final customer for the night or is Lynn going to prove she's a team player?

Keep in mind that Lincoln/Herb’s votes don’t count for Lola/Lana/Suzi. You’ll have to wait and see from whom Lincoln will get his final bit of nookie...

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From Sdrent56 on May 12, 2018

So the only ones Lola told about what really happens at that Pageant are Lincoln and Lana? Leni has loose lips, and Lynn would be against it, no matter how much Lola would pay her. I'm guessing Lynn figured it out during Chapter 4.

 

Lana and Lynn knew some of the details, but no one besides Lola knew about “the rounds” before that night. Lola knows how to keep everyone exactly as informed as they need to be.

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WHich emans that Chapter 5, Lynn will want to have a "talk" with Lola about the Pageant and what she thinks about it.

Lynn’s pretty much going with the flow. She gets to look cool and maybe beat people up, which is good enough for her.

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On 5/11/2018 at 10:33 AM, Guest Star wars player 1 said:

Hi, it's me,  I just wanted to say hi and let you know that I just read the 4th chapter of the 'Miss Cutie Patootie Pageant' story,  and I really liked it, I thought it was very good, anyway, how are you doing with your other stories like 'Splinter ' ? let me know when you have the time,  anyway hope you're doing well and good luck with your stories,  bye and have a nice day

Hey there. I’m planning to start a thread of general story news and discussion, so I’ll post something about what I’m up to there.

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Okay, I think I already asked you that question before recently, sorry about that, but thank you for replying,  hope your doing well and good luck with your stories,  bye and have a nice day.

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Hi, it's me,  I just wanted to say my condolences for your loss, I know what it's like to lose someone, I thought that I would make a prayer for your dad to make sure that he's resting in peace, and I just wanted to say that when you lose someone, they are never truly gone if you never forget them, so continue doing what you love doing, and always remember the good times you had with him your whole life, I really hope you feel better and once again I am sorry for your loss, but never forget that he is always with you, so I hope you are doing well and really hope to hear from you again when you have the time, good luck with your stories and have a nice night, bye and goodnight. 

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Hi, it's me,  I just wanted to say hi and ask how you're doing, and I hope you're feeling well, anyway, how are you doing with 'The Miss Cutie Patootie Pageant ' story ?, and the 'Splinter' story's final chapter ? oh and also, how are you doing with 'The more, the Merrier ' story ?, anyway,  let me know when you have the time, oh and p.s, when I go to your Transperacy thread page, I don't see a reply thing to leave comments, does it take awhile for it to be added into the page?, anyway, good luck with your stories and hope to hear from you again soon, bye and have a nice day. 

  • 2 months later...
  • 2 weeks later...
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From Knock-Down-Dan on August 07, 2018

Ok! first I'd like to just say, Mr Georgeglass I am a long time fan, love your works seriously all of them are awesome!

Thank you!

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But so far this has been a sexy fun read and I cannot wait to see where this goes and how it will end. Keep up the great work hugs and kisses!

Thanks, Dan! There’s just one chapter to go; hope you’ll find it satisfying.

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