Review responses for "The Loud House After Dark"

[GeorgeGlass]

Here, I’ll post replies to any reviews of “The Loud House After Dark.”

[GeorgeGlass]

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From tom on July 01, 2017

great story

 

Thanks!

[GeorgeGlass]

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From SailorNemesis on July 02, 2017
Well done.

Thank you!

[GeorgeGlass]

From Fairy-Slayer on July 02, 2017

This was wonderfully sexy, and I thoroughly enjoyed this tale, and on a few levels:

First, the narrative style was a pleasure, just imagining Lucy Loud quietly showing us around the hidden places where we could see all of the hidden secrets. You used her voice very well, and it worked well against the rest of the narration, which was a comfortable tone for action and "camera movement." It was like a sexy Twilight Zone thing going on, plus one or two cute little quirks.

This story was a really fun experiment. Using the first-person-plural perspective was something I’d never even thought of trying before this, and your feedback really helped me refine it. And having Lucy narrate worked out well because she can say some fairly non-age-appropriate things without their seeming out of character.

Those brief openers were pretty much all we needed to get fully up to speed on each rendezvous as they began and slowly unfolded. Each segment was a good dose of story on its own yet still helped build up to the final climax of each tryst. Plus they were all sweet to downright cute (especially Lynn's bad acting, the conscientious tentacle monster, the Luanisms, and the twins being different by minutes and different by inches). Even better, it was in-character the whole way. It didn't feel like we were getting pulled away every time it started to get good – we got to savor every tasty bite from the smorgasbord of underage incestuous lust.

I’m very glad to hear that, because I was a little concerned about readers feeling like they might be missing some of the good parts (which wasn’t my intent at all).

(Come to think of it, that would be the best Old Country Buffet EVER!)

I don’t think we have Old Country Buffet where I live. Underage incestuous lust, on the other hand…

The "happiest moments" were all terrifically satisfying, especially with an extra boost from Lucy's breathy whispers to go along with each. Yet even after all the sexy action and learning each character's secret (even about how it's basically in their genes), having Lucy make sure we see the pure love and affection they share was the icing on the cake.

You know I love a happy ending. After the, uh, other happy ending.

The only other thing I'll throw out there is that Lisa seemed to have a second secret, though perhaps it really just ties into that one best overall secret. Maybe that's foreshadowing… or maybe I'm just reading way too much into it (I'll hold back on saying what it is to see if it's really just me, but I will say that I absolutely loved every second of it.)

Are you talking about her affection for Lovecraft? As I wrote her part of the story, I had a half-baked idea that Lisa expresses her fondness for him in their private sessions because she’s not yet ready to express affection to actual human beings in that way.

Anyway, thanks for another fantastic and wonderfully erotic tale.

And thank you for the beta, and another gratifying review.

Edited July 3, 2017 by GeorgeGlass

[GeorgeGlass]

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From DoctorYnot on August 21, 2017

Hey man, I finally got a chance to sit down and read this story. First of all, I just wanted to thank you for that amazing series of reviews you gave me on Wit Chu. They were super gratifying to get and see all the thought you'd given the story; I still occasionally go back and read them once in a while.

Have you considered starting a review reply thread in the AFF forums? I do that for all my stories, mainly so people who review them won't feel like they're shouting into the void.

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It goes without saying that I'm a big fan of yours as well and I have been since even before you wrote Loud House stories.

I had no idea. Thanks!

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On that note I really should go back and give Whoops a more detailed review, I really enjoyed that one.

Did you review it anonymously? I don't remember getting any reviews from you before.

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But that's enough stuff unrelated to the present topic, let's move on to The Loud House After Dark.

First things first, I thought the presentation on this one was really interesting.  It read like the script for a play and in my mind that's sort of how I visualized it. You did a great job of making it claustrophobic and sultry, there wasn't a moment in the story where I visualized anything as well-lit, so you were able to maintain the atmosphere throughout. I was right there in the vents with Lucy the entire way through.

That was really what I was aiming for: to immerse readers in the story and make them part of it. It was pretty experimental; I'd never even considered writing a story in the first person plural before.

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That said I still prefer the more traditional approach you used in Whoops, but this was pretty high concept and you stuck to the approach with total discipline which I found impressive.

Thanks!

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I feel it would have worked better if it was just Lucy observing, but Lucy leading an unnamed observer through the night put up one more degree of separation that I felt made it a little bit more unwieldy and a little bit more impersonal.

Good to know. I was really trying to do the opposite -- to make the story partly a conversation between Lucy and the reader. But maybe that's just not doable (at least, not in the way I tried to do it).
 

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You bypassed this most of the time by having Lucy speculate on characters' motivations and desires though.

The opening ballet was something I really enjoyed, probably the most elegant part of the story. By that I mean the paragraphs where the sisters emerge from their rooms and criss-cross around to their destinations, each one having its own little character plothook that leads the reader by the nose before distracting him with some new detail from some new sister. Like I said, it was elegant. I'm betting this was the most fun bit to write.

It was definitely fun (although the most fun parts to write were Lucy's comments and insights). It was also the hardest part, in some respects, because it's meant to imply that the order in which these five scenarios begin is also the order in which these different activities got started over successive Friday nights. (“Ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny,” as the biologists like to say once they've got a few drinks in them.) So Lynn started it all with her sleepwalking-that-fools-no-one routine, which prompted Leni and Luna to start doing their silent lap dance thing, which emboldened the twins to unleash their pent-up desires on Luan, which inspired Lisa to start having regular rendezvous with her extradimensional fuck buddy, which put the idea into Lori's head to “borrow” Lily while that's going on.

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The whole story sort of operates around this sort of mechanic, keeping the reader engaged and alert by throwing him from one scene to the next before he's got a chance to really settle in or get bored of anything, but in this part it was at its tightest, without much room for you as the writer to meander, very little 'allowance' I guess you'd say. It was well done.

Thank you! It helps that all of the action in that scene takes place in one location -- the hallway -- so there's no need to switch from one peephole to another like we do throughout the rest of the story.

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At this point I'd like to discuss the individual scenarios for each of the girls. My favorite was definitely Luan's. First of all, you're a pun powerhouse. Every one of Luan's lines made me smile. She is so hard to write dialogue for without it seeming hacky or half-assed, like you just pulled jokes off the internet or something. Probably the most challenging sister I'd say or at least up there, and you really worked in with her. Funny but not just puns for the sake of puns, they were appropriate to the situation, they reflected her mood. That was elite.

Thanks! I completely agree that Luan is hardest to write. In canon, she almost never stops joking, and it's hard to keep that up over multiple lines of dialogue. But for better or worse, my dad had a similarly dorky sense of humor, and having been exposed to it for decades, I can drum up bad puns when necessary.

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I also really liked how you played with Lola and Lana as two halves of the same whole while still having plenty of personality for each (Lola being dignified and dabbing her chin after giving Luan head while Lana just goes to town).

There are some twins whom developmental psychologists describe as “over-identified"; each twin's identity is so bound up in the other’s that they don't know who they are as individuals. This vignette is based on the premise that Lola and Lana are scared of that happening to them, so they make a conscious effort to be different from each other -- but they still have the same underlying tendencies and urges.

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But like I said, for the lines she got, Luan was on point for me. Best in story for sure. Very good scene.

Thanks again.

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I'd say my next favorite was the Leni and Luna segment. That was an interesting motivation to dredge up for Leni and it dovetailed nicely with Luna's canonical bisexual tendencies.

I wrote that before Luna's bisexuality was revealed on the show. I just figured that it seemed plausible. And Leni has a sort of naive open-mindedness that I thought would make this a believable scenario for her, too.

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It was very sexy. I'm not much for yuri but you painted quite a scene with the disco flashlight at midnight and the two young, attractive women just coiling together like that, one for want of attention, the other for want of a girlfriend. But it didn't have a feel like Luna was some kind of user. They were both getting something out of it and she was appreciative and not selfish.

Absolutely. It's a completely balanced relationship (which is why Luna will be dancing for Leni the next Friday night).

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After that it's probably Lynn and Lincoln. This was interesting because with these two I felt you were considerably more detached than with the rest of the characters. With the others you were pretty good about explicitly outlining their motivations or desires, but with this one you left a lot up to innuendo. The closest you come to implying anything outright is when you mention they're teenagers and it doesn't matter to their bodies whether they're brother and sister, but there still might have been a little meat left on the bone there. I'd say this one was the closest to 'Lucy watching it happen from above, no special insights available' in feel. It seems to be mostly the little goth's guesses, which is interesting but not as fun to me as a look into the minds of a brother and sister coupling.

I wanted it to be unclear until the end what was really going on with each of them. Despite having been at this the longest, they are also the ones most in denial. In fact, they may not even know what their sisters are getting up to during their liaisons -- let alone that they inspired it all.

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Lori and Lily was a hell of a thing. I was wondering how you were going to work Lily into the deal without it getting into something that disturbed people. You didn't wuss out though, you embraced the creepiness of it without getting so far into it that it overpowered the rest of the story. It wa sjust right. I love dirty talk but it's not something I'm especially good at and I feel it was done nicely here.

Thanks. I didn't want to sideline Lily the way I did in “Whoops,” and I have a mother-child incest fetish, so I thought this was the thing to do. I also love writing dirty talk, sometimes more than writing the action.

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That said I felt Lori might have benefitted from coming off as a liiiiittle bit crazier or more unhinged, but Hell, you know me.

Yes, I do. And I think there is a wide range of crazy that is plausible for Lori. We've seen her be the responsible elder sister, and we've seen her come completely unglued. For this story, I wanted to go somewhere in between, but I do see your point.

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Some parts of this section and the Leni section for that matter even reached the level of what I'd call touching, so good on you for that.

Of the two big secrets that Lucy mentions at the end, the first (which she explains) is that the Loud kids inherited their horniness from their parents. But the second secret, which Lucy only hints at, is that all the Loud kids have a great capacity for love. We see that capacity manifest itself in a variety of ways in the final scenes.

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I feel the section I least liked was Lisa's. Don't get me wrong, it was well-written and her motivations rang true, but I think the interdimensional monster was just a bit too far. You'd done a good job of painting a scene of a sort of hidden domestic life, filled with all the characters having believable desires and perversions and tresspasses. It really did have a good feel of what the Loud House could be after dark. I'd even go as far as to say it was actually pretty realistic, or had that feel. I think I could have accepted a crude robot or elaborate sybian without it breaking suspension of disbelief, but the monster was just too far for a story with such an intimate, whisper-quiet sort of domestic voyeurism.

I see your point. It’s on a completely different level of plausibility from the rest of the story.

I should note that I didn't quite manage to flesh out the idea behind Lovecraft -- not just that Lisa can control him, but also that she feels safer expressing her affection for him than for the human beings in her life.

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Lucy serves as a strong narrator throughout. She's got a good poetry and playful ominousness to her without ever coming on too strong. Her voyeur streak also feels right, but then the Loud House has a whole lot of that going around in canon as well (Lisa's toilet cameras and Luan creeping on Lincoln 24/7 with her comedy fort knox.) She was a good choice, maybe the only real choice for the role you picked for her. She was an enjoyable presence to have overseeing the scenes.

I wanted her to be an Alfred Hitchcock-type host. Which is why her first words to us are “Good evening.”

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Random note:
'The witching hour but central time' thing made me laugh.

I wrote that before I even knew that the show is set in Michigan. I just thought there was something Midwestern about Royal Woods.

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Small injections of that sort of characteristic show cuteness I think can REALLY goose up a story and make it better. You used this pretty effectively in Whoops also.

Thanks!

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To sum up, I liked the story if that wasn't obvious already. You went for it and included all eleven siblings in a single chapter story that was fairly down to earth and sexy. Ambitious as Hell and only something a writer with a lot of confidence would attempt, believing he was capable of keeping everything and everyone flowing smoothly. You achieved that and my hat is off to you.

Thanks again!

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I have to admit I didn't enjoy it quite as much as Whoops, but then I am a HUGE sucker for that little cutie pie Lincoln getting raped by his adoring sisters.

Yes, I've gathered that.

Or any cute girl for that matter (but especially his sisters, obviously: incest is the best!). Again, you know me. That's all besides the point though. Great work, man.

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As a sidenote from me personally, I know I take a long time between updates and I do apologize for that. I've been tinkering with a one shot Loud House story for you guys to have something while I grapple with Wit Chu 5. It's not quite up to my standards yet but it will be soon and while not as heavy as Wit Chu I think it'll be a worthy, sexy one-off for you fellows to enjoy in the meantime. A B+ rating kind of a deal.

Sounds like fun to me.

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If you ever want to talk, send me a message on HentaiFoundry or maybe we can do some kind of deal with Discord! Either way, good luck out there bro. Hoping you make more LH stuff and looking forward to anything else you might make too. Have a great day!

You too! And if you’d like to send me an email some time, I’m at gglass999@hotmail.com.

Edited August 22, 2017 by GeorgeGlass

[GeorgeGlass]

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From RandomRedneck on September 25, 2017

Good stuff.

 

Thanks!

[GeorgeGlass]

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From MagusNeon on October 16, 2017

Holy Hell!

Ths was a ride from the first line, a tour of the Loud House After Dark, hosted by Lucy Loud...when I read the "Tell me your secret.: line, I could almost hear her whispering it in my ear!

I’m so glad you mentioned that line. I’m not always able to come up with a last line for a story that I really like, but I was very happy with that one.

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Dude, this was SCARY good. Keep 'em comin!

Thank you! And no worries, there’s more on the way.

[GeorgeGlass]

 

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From DebbieCync on May 12, 2018

Jumped around a bit much, but damn did I love what you wrote!

 

Thank you! I figured not everyone would love the “cycling perspective” thing, but I’m glad you liked it anyway.

 

[GeorgeGlass]

From The Evil Fairy on December 26, 2018

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Finally got around to reading this one, and I'm glad I did...it was *so* much fun! Lucy was the perfect pick as our Narrator/Hostess for this smorgasbord of delightful incestuous perversion. 

Thank you! I wanted somebody who could do the Alfred Hitchcock "Good eeeevening" thing, and there Lucy was.

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Lana & Lola on Luan was my favorite...I liked how Luan kept putting herself in that position without admitting she really wanted, and the twins' rather extreme enthusiasm. (Their choices of position made sense for them too!) And I really enjoyed their (completely believable) childlike selfishness finally driving the unsated Luan to snap and take what she needed!

I really wanted to do a "the twins get creepy" thing, and having them gang up on a sibling seemed like a good way to do that. I had plans for pretty much all of the other characters except Luan at that point, so she became their victim-turned-master. Then I became enamored of the idea of showing a bit of what lies beneath Luan's constant joking.

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Luna and Leni's sweet and romantic encounter was especially good as well...the tone you set with the narration and the description of Leni's dance and their naked bodies really pulled me in. 

I don't always get a chance to go for maximum sensuality in a scene, but I really tried for it there.

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And Lori's little roleplay with Lily was just too deliciously perverse to resist! 

So glad you liked it. It's pretty twisted, but I loved writing it. 

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Your descriptions, both of the characters and the action, were vivid, and everyone was nicely in character. (I will never, ever grow weary of Luna's rock puns!)  

"In character" is always high praise to me. When it comes to fanfic, I live for authenticity. Thanks!

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The fact that you managed to fit in so much, with so many characters, into such a relatively short story is quite impressive in and of itself. 

I thought about making it 2 chapters, but Fairy Slayer (who betaed) and I agreed that it would work better as a oneshot, with nothing to break up the flow. 

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Thank you!

Thank you!

[StoryLover]

This was probably one of the best of your stories I have read so far... 

Incredible job on that first-person perspective, it brings voyeurism to a whole new level! 

Great to see how each character had their own (sometimes odd) ways to meet their needs. 

Suddenly being tugged out of the moment and into another room kept me on edge and waiting more.

Lucy's narration helped break up the [longest] single chapter I have ever read!

Well done! I guess I've exhausted most of your Loud House stories… What would you recommend next?

 

 

[GeorgeGlass]

9 hours ago, StoryLover said:

This was probably one of the best of your stories I have read so far... 

Incredible job on that first-person perspective, it brings voyeurism to a whole new level! 

Thank you! The use of the “first person plural” perspective was a big experiment for me, and I’m glad you liked it.

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Great to see how each character had their own (sometimes odd) ways to meet their needs.

Figuring out how everybody would pair (or triple) up was part of the challenge. And when it comes to writing, I love a challenge.

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Suddenly being tugged out of the moment and into another room kept me on edge and waiting more.

Rotating from one portion to the action is something I had done before in stories, but never quite in as literal a sense as this.

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Lucy's narration helped break up the [longest] single chapter I have ever read!

I love narration. I don’t get to do it a lot in fanfics, but because The Loud House has Lincoln regularly talking to the audience, I thought it would work here. And I loved using Lucy’s voice to do it.

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Well done! 

Thanks again!

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I guess I've exhausted most of your Loud House stories… What would you recommend next?

Well, that depends on what you’re interested in. If you want to read more cartoon fanfics, the other fandoms I’ve written in are Phineas and Ferb (a lot), ThunderCats, Gravity Falls, Star Vs the Forces of Evil, Inside Out, Frozen, Mighty Magiswords, and Miraculous. 

I’ve also written lots of original stories. If you’re looking for more in the way of incest fun, I could recommend several of these: 

May's Family
The Holiday Trilogy (Some Girl, Fireworks, Comfort and Joy)
Excuses
Activation Day
Learning a Daughter's Duty
The Small Hours
Keene's Really Good Week
Satisfaction
A Day at the Beach

Other stories with fun underage sex:

A Beach Like No Other
Just Doin' What We Do (A Halloween Story)

And if you want something with humor:

A Little Goes a Long Way
Company Policy

Edited October 13, 2019 by GeorgeGlass