Melrick's Review Replies - Original Fiction

[Melrick]

I decided to finally create a review replies forum for my original stories.  I’d thought about it on and off for ages but now here it is.  I don’t have any new stories uploaded, and I’m not going to backdate this to the start of my stories, so I’m just going to include the reviews to my last two stories.

[Melrick]

For Rivalry

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From pippychick on August 17, 2016
 

I don't know these characters, but I didn't need to. Lovely bit of hot morning reading! I liked the end too - poor lass. Just as no good deed goes unpunished, sadly in this world, no vulnerability goes unpunished either.

Thank you for sharing!

I did spot a couple of typos while I was reading:

loose/loosing - lose/losing, gilt - guilt, and how deep that actually rivalry

I’m glad you liked it!  And thanks for the typo reports.  Damn typos.  I corrected those.

 

For Rivalry

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From BronxWench on August 17, 2016
 

Oh, it's good to have you bad, Melrick!

I must say, you've done a wonderful job of capturing Kizuna's frustration, and her quickly dissolving reserve. It's entirely understandable for her to be frustrated, and even more so to look to someone else for the comfort and caring she feels is missing in her relationship with Kiseki. Takahashi was so intent on comforting her, and seemed so interested in Kizuna for her own sake. But there are things even stronger than love, it seems!

Thank you for a delicious read!

I’m happy you enjoyed it!  It felt good to write it after such a long mental dry spell, even if it was with someone else’s characters (with their permission, of course!).  I actually don’t think I’m terribly good at writing sex scenes, but hopefully the rest is better!

[Melrick]

For Step by Step

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From ANON - on September 09, 2016
 

So hot! Really enjoyed this! Would definitely be interested in more......anal, maybe DP with the help of vegetables (since the mom seems to enjoy those), light bondage, etc. Hope you post a 2nd chapter!

I hadn’t seriously thought about writing a second chapter, but I guess it’s a possibility.  I’ll certainly keep it in mind.  Anyway, glad you enjoyed!

 

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From darkalley_rambler on September 10, 2016
 

Agreed, more please. This story was masterfully done. I love the pacing, the characters, the whole bit. At first I thought it was going to be just the usual teenage creep son but I honest bought into his lust and love for his mummy almost right away. Her reaction to it all didnt feel over the top or unbelieavable at all. Color me impressed.

Well, I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone describe a story I’ve done as ‘masterly’ so this is perhaps my favourite review. lol  I was trying hard to make it as believable as possible, because I too have read the type of stories you described, and the lack of realism often tends to take away some of the enjoyment for me.  So I’m glad you felt I got it right!  Thanks!

 

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From ANON - Cozi on September 17, 2016
 

This.. was a very well written smut. Thank you, sir. O.o The last paragraph actually made me lol. 

Thank you for your reply!  I do enjoy leaving little twists at the end of my stories if I can manage it, so I’m glad you like that one. ;-)

 

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From pippychick on October 05, 2016
 

As I said to you, I love all the slow build and the justification they give each other. Mostly because, even though this isn't what I'd typically read, Brad's desire just leaps right out and makes the reader want it too. More so when you see what he doesn't, which is that she really wants it too. Very, very well done!

I loved the part where she told him about the random sex she'd had, because it's a portrayal of the female sex drive without inhibitions, and the part where she admits she hasn't got up to anything since then is kind of sad, but it's how most of us live our lives. In cages of our own making.

The act itself was hot, not just the writing of it, but because we've had this build up to it, and the reader wants it as much as they do. It's a very definite longing to forget the protests, and just do it. I also appreciated the feel of it, which you did so well, along with all those bits of teasing in the morning.

I liked the reversal of the daddy kink, as I said, though she really is his mother, so I had this moment where a part of me was going: Yes! Do it! and another part of me was like: Oh, God... that's your mother! lol I'm not sure how I come away from that, but I'm probably a pervert or something. I have evidence here.

Anyway, I loved it! Kudos on getting me to enjoy it. From the premise I really didn't think I would, but your writing is too good. Thank you for sharing this, and you *must* promote it on the forum!

Thank you very much for your review!  The fact that this isn’t normally your cup of tea but you not only read it anyway but actually enjoyed it makes me very happy indeed!  It’s easy to only stick to the tried and true formula that normally works for you, so to take a gamble and read something different is much appreciated by me!  I’m also glad you felt I got the portrayal of mum correct.  I’m not a female, and never have been, so it’s difficult for me to truly put myself in their shoes, but I do work hard at trying to get it as accurate as possible.  Oh and hey, don’t be ashamed of being a pervert!  Pervert and proud, that’s what I say! lol

[Melrick]

For Raison D’être

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From pippychick on January 10, 2017
 

Without a doubt, Alzheimer's is one of the most horrible, evil, painful conditions - not just for the person afflicted by it, but for all their loved ones. This was an intense study into that ripple effect, and so well written. The part with the nurse who no longer tells him about his mother's lucid moments is another of those ripples. 

Those last four little paragraphs are really heartbreaking, and yet they also contain the most hope because that tenderness is so human. You could be forgiven for thinking we live in a world that cares less and less, especially just lately. Yet there are hundreds and thousands of little moments just like this every day between all of us; unseen, unheard, but they define us, transitory as they are, and they are repeated forever.

Thank you for writing and sharing

Thanks!  I’m glad you appreciated the story, even though I realised too late that I didn’t even come close to meeting the 1000 word limit of the challenge.  i guess I a little got carried away!  I’m quite pleased with how the story turned out.  I guess I would call it semi-autobiographical, except I’m not looking after someone with Alzheimers, and some other details are changed.  And thanks for reading!

 

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From SchattenSpringer on January 10, 2017
 

Thank you for this story. It touched me deeply.

Thank you for reading and reviewing.  I’m glad the story touched you in some way.  Hopefully not too painfully, though.  And you’re welcome.

[Melrick]

For Ripples

SPOILER WARNING.

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[Warning: SPOILERS below]

Well-written and engaging. There are a lot of elements that anyone who has ever been a teenage boy can relate to: the secret hideout, the stolen porn mag, the desire to build something foiled by the lack of tools and skills. And my favorite part is the slow reveal of what really happened as Erik's genuine memories intrude upon his false ones.

I was left with some pretty big questions:

--If Erik killed Cody and Lewis, why weren't there questions asked and talk about the disappearances, as there were with Travis? Did that happen, but Erik doesn't remember it? Even if he doesn't, you'd think that the disappearance of three of Erik's friends in such a short time frame would have made at least a few people very suspicious of Erik.

--Why was the swamp hideout so important to Erik that he would kill to protect it? He's clearly not a sociopath, so he didn't just murder his three friends because he could. Did the swamp make him do it? If so, why does the swamp then seem to punish him for it?

That's all I've got. Thanks for an entertaining read.

1. There were questions asked, Erik simply blocked that all out.  His pretty twisted mind came up with a scenario that was easier for him to handle.  Remember, you need proof or very strong circumstantial evidence to arrest someone, and there was clearly none of either.  Again, he simply blocked all this out.
2. The importance of the swamp grew out of all proportion because he was unhinged.  Or was it indeed because of the swamp?  Were the swamp zombies even real or was it all just his very disturbed mind?  I deliberately left questions unanswered to let the reader fill in the blanks themselves.  Sometimes I don’t want to hold the reader’s hand right to the finish; sometimes I prefer to let the reader do some of the work.
3. Remember, this is just a story, and exceptionally few stories truly stand up under microscopic scrutiny. ;-)

[GeorgeGlass]

I'm totally fine with leaving certain things a mystery, especially in a horror story, but this felt like it was getting into plot-hole territory. I mean, when one kid goes missing, well, he might have run away. A second kid vanishes, and some people may start to think that something's up, but maybe the boy was just copy-catting the first kid. But when a third kid disappears (only 2 weeks after the second one), just about everybody is going to be thinking that there's a serial killer on the loose who targets boys in their early teens. For months, it will be all anyone in town talks about, it will be all over the local news, and even if nothing can be proven in a court of law, people are going to be suspicious of the kid who happened to be friends with all three of the boys who disappeared. Parents will tell their kids to stay away from him, and Erik will be the subject of gossip, cruel pranks, and maybe even bullying for the next 5 years, until he finally leaves Westlands. And then there's Erik's parents’ reaction: Even if they don't suspect him of being involved in the disappearances, they might put him in therapy or get him some other form of help to deal with the loss of his friends. Put all that together, and that's huge number of memories to block out selectively.

An easy fix would be to have Erik's parents move the family out of town, or send Erik away to school, after Travis’ disappearance. They'd have plenty of reason; clearly, Westlands isn't a safe place for a boy in his early teens. That way, Erik's memory-suppression would only have to cover a few weeks of his life, rather than years.

I’m also wondering if there might be away to make the skeleton attack more ambiguous—that is, make it unclear whether it is really the bodies of the three boys attacking Erik, or just roots and vines, such that the reader couldn’t tell whether it’s the vengeful spirits of the boys, or the swamp itself, or Erik’s own mind playing its final trick on him.

This is all meant as constructive criticism, BTW. I wouldn’t be giving it if I didn’t think “Ripples” was worth it.

[Melrick]

I’ve been thinking about this and rereading the story, to see if I’d made mistakes with it.  And I didn’t.  The story as it is now is exactly the story I intended to write, and to change it would turn it into something I never wanted it to be.  I appreciate your comments though, because it helped to confirm something for me.  I’ve always written to please myself first, so if I like the story then I’m happy, and if others like it as well then that’s a terrific bonus.  So changing the story might make others happy, but it would have the opposite affect for me.  While it’s always going to be one of my favourites, I understand that it’s not going to be the same for most others, and I’m okay with that.  So in the future, I’ll go back to being happy if a story gets a single review. lol

[GeorgeGlass]

Fair enough. A lot of fic writers out there say “Write for yourself!” but don’t always seem to take their own advice. It’s good to see that you do.

[Melrick]

For Fruit for the Picking

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From mastershakeme on May 28, 2017
 

Have you ever backpacked through Southeast Asia? It kind of sounds like you might have. I love the details of the plantation... the humid, sticky air, the birds singing in the trees and the wind through the palm fronds... It was beautiful. Lol and of course when Carl lifted Laila sarong... that was very hot! Ok, yeah, you made me squirm in my seat in less than 1000 words. Congrats!

I’ve been there, including through the Malaysian plantations, but not as a backpacker.  It wasn’t difficult to adapt my experiences though.  I’m very happy I could make you squirm in less than a thousand words! lol

[mastershakeme]

3 hours ago, Melrick said:

For Fruit for the Picking

I’ve been there, including through the Malaysian plantations, but not as a backpacker.  It wasn’t difficult to adapt my experiences though.  I’m very happy I could make you squirm in less than a thousand words! lol

I'm embarrassed! I think your a walking Australian fantasy now! Be still my heart! 

[Melrick]

For Ripples

SPOILER WARNING

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From mastershakeme on May 29, 2017
 

Dude! I'm really envious of your talents in scenery and description! I'm just imagining this cubbyhouse being this creepy ass place, the kind of secret you'd never expect... I did have a place like that as a kid so I was right there beside Erik when he and Travis were arguing that last time. I thought we were going to hear about Travis moving away... I was SO SHOCKED when Erik did nothing to save him! I hated him right then! But I guess I sort of felt sympathetically after seeing him crying with Leeann. I honestly wasn't expecting what came next... The realization he murdered Travis... Murdered all of them to keep this place to himself was revealed in the form of murderous zombies! Lol! I loved it. I haven't read Stephen King (I know, right) but I thought this was an exciting read. I'm not too amazing when it comes to picking out clues so I was pretty shocked through the whole story. Awesome story, thanks for sharing! 

I’m glad you enjoyed this story.  It’s one of my favourites.  I deliberately didn’t put too many clues in the story as to what was going to happen, because I wanted it to be as much of a surprise as possible.  I also deliberately left much of it up to the reader to interpret just what the hell happened.  I don’t always do that, but it was important to me for this story.

[mastershakeme]

2 hours ago, Melrick said:

For Ripples

SPOILER WARNING

I’m glad you enjoyed this story.  It’s one of my favourites.  I deliberately didn’t put too many clues in the story as to what was going to happen, because I wanted it to be as much of a surprise as possible.  I also deliberately left much of it up to the reader to interpret just what the hell happened.  I don’t always do that, but it was important to me for this story.

I was just in a conversation on including hints for the reader... So I immediately read a story of the mystery/horror genre! Idk, seems like some writers get frustrated with us lowly readers for not noticing hints such as yours. I just love to be surprised thou, and this was another incident... I ENJOYED not being beaten over the head, I took it as I saw it... And got scared of the zombie friends crawling from the water! Lol! *Sigh* I hope I'm not leaving too many reviews..... Sorry 

[Melrick]

There’s no such thing as leaving anyone too many reviews. lol

[Melrick]

For Step by Step

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From GeorgeGlass on May 22, 2018
 

I enjoyed this. IMO, one of the hallmarks of good erotic fiction is that the plot and character development are themselves erotic. The stories that Kim tells about her past explain why she behaves the way she does throughout the story, but they are also arousing in and of themselves. 

I also liked the fact that Brad’s strategy of progressively warming his mom up to the idea of sex with her son didn't follow the typical route of gradually pushing her to go farther and farther with him (kissing, fondling boobs, fondling genitals, etc), with each session starting with her protests of “Oh, we shouldn't.” Instead, you created a more original scenario that is believable in the context of what we know about the characters, at least). 

I am left with one question. The introduction of a new character -- the neighbor, Don -- at the end of the chapter suggests that there will be future chapters, or at least that you planned for there to be. Is that the case?

Thanks for your very kind comments!  I’m really glad you enjoyed it.  I was trying for a more realistic approach, since my incest stories – at least the ones I’ve come across – tend to have a more fantasy approach to them and really don’t come across as realistic, and I’m glad that came through.

My original intention regarding the neighbour was to simply leave a bit of a twist ending, because I like surprising readers with something they didn’t see coming.  I’ve thought about a sequel, but a sequel would inevitably be quite a different story indeed to the original one, since that story was all about Brad slowly working his way up to having sex with his mother.  By the time the sequel takes place, that’s already happened, so I couldn’t help but think the story would somewhat devolve into a fairly stereotypical incest story, which would spoil the story.  I’ve got one idea, but hey, if you’ve got other ideas then I’m happy to hear them!

[GeorgeGlass]

Well, the sequel would definitely have to include Don, now that he’s been teed up.

Here’s one idea: Don has a sister (older, younger, twin, whatever you prefer) who also sees—from her own window--Brad and Kim getting it on, and both she and Don have several more opportunities to do so. (There might be speculation that Brad and Kim are deliberately showing off for them.) Both siblings are initially repulsed but can’t stop watching the incestuous action. And, of course, both start getting in touch with their own forbidden desires as a result. 

[Melrick]

Hmmm interesting idea.  I can see how the basic concept of the first story would, in some ways, continue over to the new story, enough at least for it to not be too jarring for someone who has read the first story.  Thanks for that idea!  I’m going to have to let that percolate for a bit and see what bubbles to the surface.

[Melrick]

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From pippychick on May 01, 2019
 

Chapter One

You may not describe this as your best work, but it's all very well written. You captured the spirit of a city I've never visited, and it was all so real. Equally real was the longing and pleased surprise of the meeting in the hotel foyer.

The sex was great, but the addition of the cleaner really is genius. It's a counterpoint to the action, drawing our attention in all the right ways, and for anyone with an interest in watching (or being watched), it's perfect. That sense of longing is echoed again when the cleaner just stands there, allowing what is happening, but this time it isn't satisfied. It's an excellently written tease, and it makes the entire chapter. Awesome.

For Drawn Together

 

Thank you for your review!  And I’m glad you enjoyed it.   The cleaning lady was pretty much a last minute, spur of the moment addition, and I tossed around which direction to take that scene, so I’m happy you approve of the direction it did go in, and how that scene went. 

[Melrick]

For Drawn Together

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From pippychick on May 04, 2019
 

Chapter Two

Wow, this one was so hot! God, yes! Definitely hit all the right notes for me. Wonderful writing too, the cadence of your narrative voice is a pleasure in itself.

 

Chapter Three

Oh, wow... so brilliantly naughty! (loves) But then Will coming back was a heartstopper, and I felt so sorry for Perry, wandering around all alone. You got across that sense of sudden loneliness really well. The world is a big, empty place sometimes when we're not with the people we love and desire.

But now they're back together... so off to see what happens next!

Thank you!  I’m glad you’re enjoying it all so much.  

[Melrick]

For Drawn Together

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From pippychick on May 04, 2019
 

Chapter Four

Wow... that was all very adventurous, and really exciting! Lucky Melinda... although I'm surprised her brains weren't all over the floor, lol. I mean, all that cock, and then the slashy view... fantastic! And, because I know how difficult 3plus is to write at all, let alone to make it flow so seamlessly... (applauds)

But despite how casual the sex was here, things are getting deeper and more meaningful, aren't they? It's a good juxtaposition, and you handled Perry's emotions about it all really well. It's so easy to be in his place, and understand him. I just can't help feeling they're going to have to deal with Will one way or another. It's at the back of his mind, too, and hers I'm sure. I just worry that it might all end in tears. :/

The Slash was pretty much a spur of the moment decision, like much of this story.  I’m surprised at how much of this feels like it largely wrote itself.  Definitely not my usual style of writing at all.  Thanks very much for reviewing! 

[Melrick]

For Drawn Together

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From pippychick on May 05, 2019
 

Chapter Five

So now we get to add another girl... Perry and Melinda are certainly trying everything (which I like!) and I think this was on the cards right from the beginning. I really like these explorations, and the characters turning out to be bi, but then this doesn't turn into polyamory. Their feelings for each other are what matter, whatever else they might have found out about themselves, and that is *rare* to find in a story where the characters are bi. It's actually (dare I say) realistic. Kudos for that

 

Chapter Six

Oh, I really felt the pull when they had to say goodbye, and the sex before that... really heartbreaking! Like, how can they bear to leave each other?!

Initially, I thought it was a little cruel to Will (a character that we never saw, but who was present nevertheless), but then you wrote the reasoning so well I couldn't help but agree. To be fair, if Melinda had been feeling less for Will, then he should have sensed it. No one should stay with someone else just because it's the easiest thing to do. There's no happiness there.

Loved the ending... I mean *really*... because I think they found some kind of paradise together. Yes. Awesome story, with lots of hot scenes, and surprisingly romantic by the end, but I really didn't mind at all. The thread of that romance was there all the way through, and you handled it so well.

Thank you for sharing

I’m very happy to hear you describe the story as realistic, because that’s what I was doing my best to achieve.  I don’t think gooey romance is really your thing too much, so i’m glad you were still able to come along for the ride. lol  I’m really glad that you read the whole thing and enjoyed it so much.  That makes me very happy!  Thanks for reading and reviewing. 

[Melrick]

For They Bounce

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From pippychick on May 19, 2019
 

I really like this, even though it is so sad. You manage to pack such a lot of imagery in without ever being graphic. There's an atmosphere to all of it that I can't quite put my finger on, but I certainly get the sense of things being over, and vividness of life being gone.

Mercifully, it seems the character can't quite recall the final moments before this conversation, only the intention. Yet the entire conversation itself takes on the feel of a final, dying dream.

Really skilful writing. And good use of the prompt. The carnation represents so much, but is ultimately fragile. As are we all.

I wrote that story right after my dad died of lung cancer, so there were a lot of emotions going around my head at the time.  I have to say, it’s perhaps one of the favourite things I’ve written, even though it’s so short.  Thank you for reading and reviewing. 

[Guest For Step by Step]

I really liked the story and I wanted to know if you know of any similar ones that are progressing so well or if you wrote a similar story

 

 

[Melrick]

4 hours ago, Guest For Step by Step said:

I really liked the story and I wanted to know if you know of any similar ones that are progressing so well or if you wrote a similar story

 

 

I haven’t really written one like that since. I wasn’t sure how to do it without essentially repeating myself. And I don’t know of any other stories like it, unfortunately.  Most stories of that kind don’t have a sense of realism about them, whereas I tried to make them as believable as possible.  But I’m glad you liked it!