More girl trouble.

[DarkInuLord]

Sigh. So, things with my girlfriend were finally getting back to how they used to be, we talked as much as possible (MSN) and played games together and such. The thing is, we haven't mic/webcam chatted in weeks, and today she asked me to help her so that she could get her webcam and mic working with her friend. She would rather talk to another guy, than talk to me, after she just got home after being gone for five days.

Okay, I understand her friend moved a couple weeks ago and she wants to talk to him, but why does it have to be mic/webcam? Why can't she just type to him? I don't get it, it's not like I had even heard her talk about this guy until he moved, they couldn't have been that close of friends.

It's just like her other friend, who shares my first name. He went to England for a week, and all she wanted to do was talk to him over mic, he came back with a fake British accent and she thinks it's the greatest thing ever, and since then we've talked less and less, and she talks to her other male friends more and more.

It wouldn't bother me as much if she didn't ignore me while she was talking to them, or if she didn't act like I shouldn't be jealous about it.

Just... Ugh... Okay I have this friend, she never stops talking about the guy she likes, and I just know my girlfriend doesn't talk about me like that, in fact she refers to me as "a friend" when she's talking to her friends....

Sigh...

[Guest Zyx]

it seems you just like part of who this girl is and can't stand the rest of her. So what you need to do is ask her to change that part that you don't like. And if she refuses you dump her. It may seem sucky but it is the right thing to do for both of you (especially you)

[shinigamiinochi]

Well, making someone change a part of themselves just because you don't like it (beyond being objectionable), is almost impossible. People hate to change and if it is a personality issue, it's very, very difficult, like asking a social outcast to be a party animal. Mostly, if someone doesn't want to change for themselves, it's not going to work. If it was just some little things about this girl that bothers you; like her not picking up after herself, well, that would probably work, but it sounds like this is a continuing thing with her and you have tried to work with her on it in the past, but she keeps doing it. I seriously doubt that she's going to change her actions now. You could give her an ultimatum, tell her how much her actions bother you, or just give up. It all depends on how deeply you feel for her and if you are willing to overlook what she is doing. Personally, I don't think a girl like this deserves you. Either she's testing you (which is nasty) or she honestly doesn't get how upsetting she's being. Either way, games like that don't belong in a serious, comitted relationship and she either needs to see that or move on.

[foeofthelance]

It wouldn't bother me as much if she didn't ignore me while she was talking to them, or if she didn't act like I shouldn't be jealous about it.

I think that sort of sums up your problem right there. Why should you be jealous of them? There really isn't any reason, if all they are doing is talking to each other. You're the one she's going out with; you already 'won' as far as the particular rat race is concerned. If they are doing more than just talking, then you still shouldn't be jealous, you should be angry and disappointed at being betrayed. This isn't some attempt to tell you how to feel, but just advice from someone who recently dealt with this himself. My girlfriend and I spent the weekend arguing about exactly what was going on between me and one of my friends. I was dismissing it as not important, because as far as I could tell I wasn't doing anything wrong. She simply took that to mean that things were even worse than she thought, and that I was trying to hide it from her. It didn't help that she had bad experiences with betrayal in a past distance relationship, or that the girl in question is a rather open masochist. It added up to a series of roundabout coversations, where it was finally revealed exactly how bad the various misconceptions had gotten. The moral of the story? DON'T BEAT AROUND THE BUSH! Talk to her about it, openly and directly. Don't just tell her it bugs you, explain why and that you think she's ignoring you. That at least is the problem that you can deal with.

[Saitochan]

Have you spoken to her abouth this yet? if you have, what did she say? I have to agree with shinigamiinochi about how difficult it is for a person to change. But maybe she'll give it a shot if she really loves you.

Either she's testing you (which is nasty) or she honestly doesn't get how upsetting she's being.

Like hell its nasty. If I remember correctly, this situation of yours has lasted more than two or three months, am I right? So, what kind of girl could possibly want to test you for THAT long? My opinion? I think she's just mean.

[PorkChopExpress86]

Is she a 16 year old girl? [see a full explanation here: http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/16_year_old_girl] Because she really sounds like it. Seriously tho, like others have mentioned this has been going on far too long. Wasn't the original issue something like her unwillingness to refer to you as a boyfriend when other guys were around? Either she's embaressed to be seen with you or she's trying to keep her options wide open. She isn't going to change and if you just keep letting it slide it's only going to get worse. Confront her about it or dump her.

[DarkInuLord]

Either she's embaressed to be seen with you

Nawww, we have similar tastes in everything besides maybe music. She likes that angsty emo bullshit, and I like happier music and hard rock. Though my last girlfriend actually was embarrassed to be seen with me in public, oh the fun I had with that, showing up at her highschool dressed in all black, wearing a trench coat... God, the fun I had fucking with her, she was a bitch.

Anyways uh... Yes to everyone asking if I've talked to her about it, I didn't just outright say I was jealous.

So the reason we haven't been talking lately is because of her mother, her mother was the one who told her to break up with me, her mother obviously has something against me so we can't talk while she's there. I figure that's the reason she doesn't tell everyone we're going out, though she wasn't doing it before her mother told her to dump me... She said she was just shy, then.

I'm not going to break up with her over little things like this...

It's summer, she has a lot of friends and she's always out swimming, or at the mall with them, or hanging out at their houses, I mean I had expected it even though she kept telling me she never did anything during the summer, so it doesn't bother me that much that she's with friends (As long as she doesn't tell me that guys were with them.) I just wish that when she got back from having fun and stuff, she wouldn't ask me to help fix her webcam/mic so she could talk to another guy.

"Hey I'm back! Can you help me fix this? For some reason I can't talk to (Insert name here.)"

[PorkChopExpress86]

I don't know the girl, I don't know you, all I know is what you've written here. But if her interest in you seems to be only as a utility man who facilitates her in talking to other men then it doesn't seem so little. How much time do you two actually spend together? Are you just being melodramatic when you say she spends no time with you or does she really talk to and hang out with other guys to the exclusion of you? If it's the former, then you shouldn't be jealous of it and you'll have to learn to live with it. If it's the latter, you have to ask yourself if you're in a relationship at all.

And what's up with her mom? When she met you did her mom get scared and say "You're movin' with your Auntie and Uncle in Bel Air." I whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said FRESH and it had dice on the mirror. If anything, I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought "Man, forget it." - "Yo homes, to Bel Air" I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 And I yelled to the cabbie "Yo homes smell ya later." I looked at my kingdom; I was finally there, to sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air?

[DarkInuLord]

I don't know the girl, I don't know you, all I know is what you've written here. But if her interest in you seems to be only as a utility man who facilitates her in talking to other men then it doesn't seem so little. How much time do you two actually spend together? Are you just being melodramatic when you say she spends no time with you or does she really talk to and hang out with other guys to the exclusion of you? If it's the former, then you shouldn't be jealous of it and you'll have to learn to live with it. If it's the latter, you have to ask yourself if you're in a relationship at all.

And what's up with her mom? When she met you did her mom get scared and say "You're movin' with your Auntie and Uncle in Bel Air." I whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said FRESH and it had dice on the mirror. If anything, I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought "Man, forget it." - "Yo homes, to Bel Air" I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 And I yelled to the cabbie "Yo homes smell ya later." I looked at my kingdom; I was finally there, to sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air?

We used to spend every day together from the time we woke up until the time we went to sleep. :|

Now she's gone almost all day with her friends, gets back around 8-9 (If she gets on MSN at all, which she didn't tonight.) and then she goes to bed around 10.

So we've barely spent ANY time together in the last three weeks. Maybe 3-4 full days, and an hour or two on a couple other days.

And it's not male friends she goes out with, it's all her female friends. (Though I can just assume and get jealous while thinking that there might be male friends undressing her with their eyes while she's swimming. D:)

It's just when she gets back, she talks to stupid little emo kids, you know, the type that makes video blogs on Youtube and act like autistic children to get attention? Yeah, she actually thinks they're funny.. :| That's like the one view we have that's completely opposite. I fucking hate emo kids, she thinks they're great.

I don't know, I might not have the most interesting things to say, but at least I'm not crying for attention by making dumb videos and putting them online.

[foeofthelance]

We used to spend every day together from the time we woke up until the time we went to sleep. :|

Now she's gone almost all day with her friends, gets back around 8-9 (If she gets on MSN at all, which she didn't tonight.) and then she goes to bed around 10.

So we've barely spent ANY time together in the last three weeks. Maybe 3-4 full days, and an hour or two on a couple other days.

And it's not male friends she goes out with, it's all her female friends. (Though I can just assume and get jealous while thinking that there might be male friends undressing her with their eyes while she's swimming. D:)

It's just when she gets back, she talks to stupid little emo kids, you know, the type that makes video blogs on Youtube and act like autistic children to get attention? Yeah, she actually thinks they're funny.. :| That's like the one view we have that's completely opposite. I fucking hate emo kids, she thinks they're great.

I don't know, I might not have the most interesting things to say, but at least I'm not crying for attention by making dumb videos and putting them online.

All right, let me try and break it down point by point. You guys have gone from being with each other 24/7 waking, to her going out with her friends, who I'm assuming were her friends before and during the first bit of your relationship. And now she's seeing them instead of you? Buck up me bucko, that doesn't spell trouble, that just means she has a life outside of you. For all you know, she's trying to catch up on everything that happened when she was spending time with you. What're you doing when she's out? Sitting there moping? Why not get a life of your own? (Sorry if that sounds harsh, its not meant to.) Get a job, read a book, write some fics, do something. That way the next time you two get together you have something to talk about. If it bugs you that much, send her a text message saying "Hey, just thinking of you", or some such. Take a second to stop, breathe, and go do your own thing for a bit.

As for getting jealous of guys trying to mentally undress her, why? Its kind of pointless, isn't it? I mean, I could understand if you were crushing on the girl and she were seeing some other guy who was just a lout who did nothing but feel her up. But instead you're the one going out with her. Instead of getting jealous about it, remember that you're the one she chose to go out with, not them. If you do catch a guy looking at her like that, just smirk at him and think to yourself, "Neener, neener, neener! She's mine suckah!" Just don't stick out your tongue. That's in bad taste. The emo kids, I admit, I tend to agree with you, but she does have a point. It is somewhat amusing to make fun of them in an MST3K kind of way...

Seriously man, all it sounds like is that you ran face first into a case of life. It happens. Best thing to do about it is to just live it, and see where it takes you.

[DarkInuLord]

It's not that she's spending time with her friends, she did that at school every day, and on the weekends.

But now, I haven't seen or heard from her for 3 days even though I know she has computer access. (I check my deviant art every few days and she's one of the people I watch, and she uploaded something yesterday.)

Okay so. Apparently by "from the time we woke up to the time we went to sleep" you thought that we never stopped being together during that time, of course not, she would occasionally walk over to her friends house for part of the day, ever few days, and yes she had school. But now that schools out I HARDLY see her.

And like I said, even when I do see her, she seems like she'd rather talk to stupid emo kids and people she just meets, than talk to me. On MSN the last few times we spoke, there have been 20 minute-1 hour pauses between her replies, because she's talking to other people.

Or hell, she gets back from being gone with her friends all day, we actually start talking like normal, then 20 minutes later her friends fucking call and want her to go somewhere else with them. And I know that one of them is doing it purely to spite me, but seriously, why do 16 year old girls want to go swimming at 10PM? :|

[foeofthelance]

Because they're sixteen year old girls? Seriously, there is only so much advice we can give you on this, though you are entirely free to vent at us. Its what we're here for, after all. You miss her, its really that simple. But I'm fairly sure that you'd both be better served if you told her this, and explained why you're upset about it. Don't assume that she's a mindreader, or that she even thinks there's something wrong in the first place. Like I said earlier, I just had this same squabble with my girlfriend, with the exception of the roles being reversed, in that she was upset about my doings rather than the other way around. I had no frakking clue things were that bad until she threatened to break up with me. Simply don't let it get that far! Give her a phone call, send her an email, don't wait for something as temporary as MSN! Do it in a way so that she can't avoid it, and you know it can't be avoided. That's the only way anything will possibly get done.

You love her, you think she loves you, so rather than sitting there and coming up with nightmare scenarios, do something to show it!

Edited July 25, 2008 by Solaris
Fixing the italic code

[Kanashii]

It's not that she's spending time with her friends, she did that at school every day, and on the weekends.

But now, I haven't seen or heard from her for 3 days even though I know she has computer access. (I check my deviant art every few days and she's one of the people I watch, and she uploaded something yesterday.)

Okay so. Apparently by "from the time we woke up to the time we went to sleep" you thought that we never stopped being together during that time, of course not, she would occasionally walk over to her friends house for part of the day, ever few days, and yes she had school. But now that schools out I HARDLY see her.

And like I said, even when I do see her, she seems like she'd rather talk to stupid emo kids and people she just meets, than talk to me. On MSN the last few times we spoke, there have been 20 minute-1 hour pauses between her replies, because she's talking to other people.

Or hell, she gets back from being gone with her friends all day, we actually start talking like normal, then 20 minutes later her friends fucking call and want her to go somewhere else with them. And I know that one of them is doing it purely to spite me, but seriously, why do 16 year old girls want to go swimming at 10PM? :|

Ok...I really do like you Dark, and this is going to be my strongest post I have ever written here, and since I am nearly old enough to be your grandmother (Or at least your mother) I speak from experience...

Do you have even one shred of respect for yourself??? Seriously man. Or do you just like the drama and angst as well? Do you like her treating you like crap? Or is this something you thrive on? She runs over you emotionally and you let her, making excuse after excuse.

Do you really even WANT someone who could be a perfect match to you, and would respect you for who you are and would treat you golden the same way you treated them? This girl ain't it man...No amount of cajoling, begging, wishing or pleading is ever going to get her to CHANGE until she is at least in her mid to late 20's.

What about her so has you "in love" with her? It isn't sex...As far as liking the same music or talking, my God man...ANYONE can do that. There are tons of people who like the same music as you, who will listen to you, be a REAL friend and respect you. But you will never find that unless you respect yourself. And right now, you aren't.

Yes, I remember what it was to be 16, 17, 18 and to be so in love, that the whole world revolved around that person. I know the pain of breaking up with that person and thinking "no one could ever be as good as them, and I will never find another..." guess what. I did. I finally ended up with my true soulmate and we have been married for over 24 years. When I look back on how I "thought" back at age 17, 18, 19, I was a fool. Don't be a fool, Dark Lord....

Move on, go to college, move away from your town, find OTHERS, and there are other women who will make this chica pale by comparison. Someone who you will one day smack yourself over your head repeatedly and say "How stupid could I have been to be hung up over someone who could care less about me, or play me like a violin to jump at her every whim."

She's a user, immature, and an idiot plain and simple. Let, her, go. Seriously....For your own sanity. You won't change her, she is not as into you as you are into her, and there is better out there. Of course, unless you just like all this drama and "I'm so sad and poor, my true love doesn't like me back."

Off my soapbox now, and honest. I am not meaning to pick on you. I just read post after post from you that sounds exactly verbatim the same. (about you and her). Isn't it time to find something else to enjoy besides this back and forth drama between you and her?

The "Mom" lecture is over now. Peace to you, and happiness. I really honestly hope you DO find it, because it is out there for you, but only if you respect yourself and open yourself to it.

Warmly,

Kanashii

[greenwizard]

I agree with Kanashii. Seriously, you're not a bad guy, but I'd like to smack you right now. I joined the forum what... back in February....? About that time you were whining about her. It is now about six months later, and you're whining about the same exact thing! When she broke up with you you wouldn't even get out of bed. You've turned this bitch into your entire life. What you need to do is just tell her to go screw herself and look for someone close to your own age.

I'm sorry to be so blunt. It's just that you've been doing this for months now, and everyone has been supportive. You really need to move on unless you want to live the rest of your life like this.

[Guest Jaxxy]

Just... Ugh... Okay I have this friend, she never stops talking about the guy she likes, and I just know my girlfriend doesn't talk about me like that, in fact she refers to me as "a friend" when she's talking to her friends....

Sigh...

:forumskim:

:forumskim:

:forumskim:

:see:

:stop dead in mortified tracks:

Ehhh-hecks-

queeze

-me? She refers to you as "a

friend

"? Oh, sweetie.

Operative Word:

--->

MORE

<---

girl trouble. You said it, not me. And you've been saying so for so long now... I can't think of anything more to say. I typed a bunch, a long time ago, about your girl, and it all still holds, as far as I'm concerned...

You seem so precious! I'm so sorry...

You're nothing but a crutch, a "plan-b", to her... and she's just a baby. It is what it is, you know?

[Psychostorm]

Seriously, members of the opposite sex are just there to make you feel good about yourself. Once they stop doing that its time to move on and find another. Some people say there are more fish in the sea, I say there are better fish in the sea. Why waste your time being hung up on just one when there are millions more out there? Its like deciding to eat shrimp for the rest of your life then when you get to the point that you are sick of it you still keep eating it anyway and ignoring all the other great foods out there.

[Guest Jaxxy]

Seriously, members of the opposite sex are just there to make you feel good about yourself.

Not me!

:steal Topic dudes' Naughty Points:

:abscond:

...need more

emoticons!