The Wolf's Snare - feedback, review replies, notes and crazy ramblings

[Guest KeeWee]

Hi SailorNemesis here, I don't usually keep up with threads so sorry for the delay but thanks very much for no.1 fan status! Story has been going well. As far as the backgrounds being long, a little bit but you made it work. I feel the sex has gotten alot less dommy, would like to see more of the wolves using their bitches rather then the girls calling the shots. Still fun though. Please, no dildos on the island. If you want to go there keep it to fisting. As far as where the she-wolves went, on the mistic route they could just all be males who seek out human females to breed. Non-mistic, just dumb luck that helps the story and not really a big deal. Hope to read more soon!

I personally don't mind the less "dommy", especially in the mystic part. But I also wouldn't mind a situation that would call for it if thats where JustS wanted to take it. I think you have a point about lack of female wolves but it could really be either way while being somewhat plausible. The wolves could just have an appetite for both or like you said their just none especially in the mystic path. I also think adding a couple quotes to what Lara is saying/moaning during the erotic parts would be good. But not too much because a lot of other erotic fan fiction goes over board with that. But sprinkled in is always good.

[DemonGoddess]

ARE YOU KIDDING! All this time waiting and it's the same chapter, with two extra paragraphs!?

See the author's post above yours please. RL commitments ALWAYS take precedence. ALWAYS.

[JustS]

ARE YOU KIDDING! All this time waiting and it's the same chapter, with two extra paragraphs!?

Internet entitlement at it's finest, folks.

@sailornemesis Good points as always, man. It has gotten decidedly less 'dommy', something I was thinking about the other day. I want to conjure up a way that I can make at least one dom-heavy scene before the end.

@Kee_Wee Thanks for the feedback, I'm taking everything into account so it means a lot.

@DG

I was hoping to make more progress on this today but my sinuses have flared up something rotten so I'm probably not up to it. Stayed tuned though.

Edited June 22, 2014 by JustS

[Guest I. R. Confused]

Why would you write about Lara being fucked by a dog? And why is it that I'm turned on by Lara being fucked by a dog? I mean lesbian Lara is to be expected, but this? WTF is wrong with me? At first I was like...No, this can't be, then I was like holy shit, this is happening, then, actually...this is kinda hot...the fuck?

[JustS]

Why would you write about Lara being fucked by a dog? And why is it that I'm turned on by Lara being fucked by a dog? I mean lesbian Lara is to be expected, but this? WTF is wrong with me? At first I was like...No, this can't be, then I was like holy shit, this is happening, then, actually...this is kinda hot...the fuck?

Glad to see you liked it... I think...

Nearly 32,000 hits now! That many people can't be wrong!

[Guest Guest]

Oh yeah? I have one thing to say to that assertion of "32,000 people can't be wrong": Senator Cruz of Texas

[Guest Constructive Criticism]

Please tell me the sex will be more graphic in the final chapter. No offense but it was decidedly lacking in comparison to the 4th and 5th. It's still good, but chapter 7 both paths were really cut and dry, (Aside from Lara getting her pussy eaten by the wolf, that was very graphic...but a little short I know you're going to do it however you want in the long run but, It'd be a shame for this story to go from being really in depth, right down to the last detail to being bare bones. I mean it all seems kind of bland, no real explicit depiction of the sexual acts, the knots are now just kind of glossed over, (I mean the anal knot in 7B would have been spectacular to read but, you really glossed over it. I'm not trying to insult you, or say that the story is bad, but I really think the last chapter needs to go back to the earlier chapters were. Particularly 4 and 5. Also just a minor note, I'd really like to see a bit with Jen growling at the wolves, because that was never touched on.

[JustS]

Oh yeah? I have one thing to say to that assertion of "32,000 people can't be wrong": Senator Cruz of Texas

...I hope you're making a joke off the back of my joke. Also, I'm not from Texas or the US for that matter so that reference means nothing to me.

@constructive and others

I know a lot of these criticisms come from a good place but you guys don't need to fret so much. It can't be full-on action the whole way through otherwise there would be no suspense and everything would become mundane. Also, things must be truncated from time to time to prevent extreme repetition - that's just the nature of keeping a good pace and not boring both myself and the reader. We're still roughly at the midpoint (yeah, I said there's one more chapter but things change) so you've got to expect a lull here before the build up to the big finish.

In short, I can see where your concerns are coming from but have a little faith in me. This ain't my first rodeo when it comes to erotic fics (check out my raft of other stories if you're after some other quality material) and I intend to take the story out with a bang - no pun intended.

Edited June 25, 2014 by JustS

[Guest That_One_Pervert]

The first chapter was by far, the best of the story. You captured Lara's personality well in my opinion, and you especially captured the emotions going through her mind well enough. The story fit perfectly with the idea of the forced pairing, so the story is at it's best here.

The same goes with the third chapter. Lara offers herself to the wolves not because she wants to, but because she knows what to do if she is to survive her encounter with them. And when the Alpha takes her, she once again experiences the emotions I'd expect her to feel when being forced to couple with wolves. The way she sort of drifted off in thought was interesting, and perhaps was a good way for her to cope with her situation. Not so sure if the thoughts she had matched the thoughts of anyone stuck in that particular situation, but I find I can't really complain all that much about it.

Now, for me personally, chapter 4 is where things started going downhill. I didn't mind the fact that Lara was beginning to be aroused, that seems only natural given the fact that she's being penetrated over and over. Her very swift acceptance of this arousal however, rubbed me the wrong way. To me, this should be yet another form of humiliation for Lara; not only is she being fucked by a pack of wolves, but her body is enjoying it. I would have expected thoughts of further disgust and even self-loathing to have entered here, not a very quick and out-of-nowhere acceptance of her situation.

And sadly, this is where the story went downhill for me. I've read many stories with this basic premise; girl gets attacked by wolves, girl gets raped by wolves, girl is disgusted but then starts to enjoy it, girl quickly and for no reason accepts her situation.

Honestly (and no offense to you as an author) I was hoping that this story would be the one to break away from that cliché and have a whole new concept, like maybe once the wolves are finished with Lara she would try to escape, but the wolves decide she is now the pack bitch and is not allowed to leave their sight. The idea of a woman having to adjust to now being a wolf pack's bitch and being forced to copulate with them on a weekly (maybe even daily) basis, and getting used to living in the wild with no tools and constantly naked appeals to me so much more than Lara simply accepting what was happening and immediately going along with her new pack mates.

And since I've already said that much, I don't guess I need to say that I don't much care for the Jennifer character, either. I do like the idea of the wolves impregnating Lara, though. Having Lara suddenly realize she's pregnant with no real explanation as to why is a great idea, and I would've loved to see how she dealt with the realization that she was all by herself, forced to copulate on a regular basis with wolves, and had even somehow been impregnated by them.

Love the first three chapters, and will definitely return to reread them from time to time. As for the rest of the chapters, I'm most likely going to ignore them and pretend that they don't exist. Should you ever decide to include chapters that follow the ideas I've given you, expect me to give very positive feedback. Until then though, I'll only settle for chapters 1-3.

[Guest KeeWee]

Now, for me personally, chapter 4 is where things started going downhill. I didn't mind the fact that Lara was beginning to be aroused, that seems only natural given the fact that she's being penetrated over and over. Her very swift acceptance of this arousal however, rubbed me the wrong way. To me, this should be yet another form of humiliation for Lara; not only is she being fucked by a pack of wolves, but her body is enjoying it. I would have expected thoughts of further disgust and even self-loathing to have entered here, not a very quick and out-of-nowhere acceptance of her situation.

And sadly, this is where the story went downhill for me. I've read many stories with this basic premise; girl gets attacked by wolves, girl gets raped by wolves, girl is disgusted but then starts to enjoy it, girl quickly and for no reason accepts her situation.

Honestly (and no offense to you as an author) I was hoping that this story would be the one to break away from that cliché and have a whole new concept, like maybe once the wolves are finished with Lara she would try to escape, but the wolves decide she is now the pack bitch and is not allowed to leave their sight. The idea of a woman having to adjust to now being a wolf pack's bitch and being forced to copulate with them on a weekly (maybe even daily) basis, and getting used to living in the wild with no tools and constantly naked appeals to me so much more than Lara simply accepting what was happening and immediately going along with her new pack mates.

And since I've already said that much, I don't guess I need to say that I don't much care for the Jennifer character, either. I do like the idea of the wolves impregnating Lara, though. Having Lara suddenly realize she's pregnant with no real explanation as to why is a great idea, and I would've loved to see how she dealt with the realization that she was all by herself, forced to copulate on a regular basis with wolves, and had even somehow been impregnated by them.

Love the first three chapters, and will definitely return to reread them from time to time. As for the rest of the chapters, I'm most likely going to ignore them and pretend that they don't exist. Should you ever decide to include chapters that follow the ideas I've given you, expect me to give very positive feedback. Until then though, I'll only settle for chapters 1-3.

Everyone will always have different opinions on how a story is developed or where it should lead. And if you don't like the way JustS decided to develop the story there's no changing that and nothing wrong with that. But you have to appreciate JustS's ability to write with such eloquent vocabulary.

I initially didn't like the adding of the 2nd female character either but I recognized the new window it would open in the stories path and appreciated it. And the cliche you described about the female character being raped, followed by acceptance, then enjoyment isn't necessarily a cliche and more of a erotic fantasy preference of the author. I've seen many similar concept stories go with the dark tone you described but that's because that's that particular author's erotic fantasy. I wouldn't condone rape in real life but still understand the erotic fantasy aspect. But even then, I personally, would rather the author make the fictional female character begin to give in/enjoy the fictional erotic experience instead of reading about rape the whole time. And JustS even touched on the topic in the story when the 2nd female character said she would have stopped the wolves if she had known Lara did not want it. But regardless, it's all fantasy and everyone has differing opinions on what is a more appealing fantasy.

[Guest Guest]

The Cruz joke (good job figuring that fact out... no wait, you didn't.) wasn't ment for you. It was ment for people who have a sense of humor on this english speaking sight, and would have a passing understanding of world events. Cruz was the congressional senator who shut down the US govt for almost half a month for no valid reason. Now you know something you didn't before. Next time just write 'huh?'

[DemonGoddess]

The Cruz joke (good job figuring that fact out... no wait, you didn't.) wasn't ment for you. It was ment for people who have a sense of humor on this english speaking sight, and would have a passing understanding of world events. Cruz was the congressional senator who shut down the US govt for almost half a month for no valid reason. Now you know something you didn't before. Next time just write 'huh?'

Perhaps you can learn how to spell before you post...

[Guest Guest]

(Moms protective.) I 'meant' nothing by it. : )

[JustS]

(Moms protective.) I 'meant' nothing by it. : )

Attempting to make someone feel stupid whilst raving about something completely unrelated to the topic in broken English - you're either an ironic genius or simply an idiotic troll. Did you even read the story?

@pervert, Keewee and everyone else

Seems like every time I check back here I have to write a small essay in response to all the feedback! Perv, I respect your stance and I too have witnessed many a fic or a hentai go on the slide after a really great first few sex scenes. Hopefully I can do something to improve your response to upcoming chapters but you make the great point that you've still got your favourite chapters you can always return to not matter where the story goes.

I do prefer short one-shots with a little bit of context - quicker to plan, write and read with less danger of getting bored. I do wish I'd kept this one more simple but hey, if the ideas, hits and positive reviews continue I'm going to keep it going until I get my really great ideas on the page.

Again, thanks to the majority of folks for their thoughtful, well-written feedback. My plan is to get the next chapter finished by the end of this weekend.

Edited June 27, 2014 by JustS

[Guest That_One_Pervert]

Wow, I was honestly expecting a more negative feedback in reply to my review, because I was blunt and to the point. I may still have my opinion of this story, but my opinion of you has certainly gone up.

Well, I guess I'll keep an eye on the future updates and see what's in store, hm? I'll try to leave a review as I read.

[Guest Guest]

Idiotic troll.

[JustS]

Wow, I was honestly expecting a more negative feedback in reply to my review, because I was blunt and to the point. I may still have my opinion of this story, but my opinion of you has certainly gone up.

Well, I guess I'll keep an eye on the future updates and see what's in store, hm? I'll try to leave a review as I read.

I saw your comment as honest but respectful and I simply responded in kind. I know not everything I do can be to everyone's liking and everyone's got a right to their own opinion so yeah, I'm not holding anything against you.

I've got to say, it's been great to see that the majority of people responding and reviewing are being frank, polite and constructive. Some suggestions are a little beyond the scope of the story, but generally it's been thoughtful and positive.

Edited June 27, 2014 by JustS

[Guest What_Up]

Hey, any idea when we can expect an update? I'm not being picky or begging for it (at least not intentionally) I'm just looking an estimate. (Also out of curiosity will Lara and Jennifer have sex on their own with no Wolf interference? Will they try to get involved or Simply watch?

[JustS]

I prefer not to give time estimates in case I can't keep them. This fic in particular has seen a lot of content being moved around so even my own internal estimates aren't usually correct.

I would very much like to get it done faster but I'm usually too tired outside of the weekend. My current job requires an early start and early bedtimes. For most people that would be fine but I can rarely drift off in good time to get a full night's sleep so I'm always too fatigued to sit down and write on week nights.

Sorry 'bout that. Thanks for your interest and keep checking back every now and again.

What I will say is that - as I've alluded to before - there will be more Lara/Jennifer action. Most of what I wrote at the weekend focuses on that and I think it's coming together fairly well - I've only done one proper girl on girl fic before so it's not so straightforward for me to write.

For any one really jonesing for more beast action from me please check out some of my past works that you might have missed. Some of it I'm kind of proud of - let me know what you think: http://members.adult-fanfiction.org/profile.php?no=1296802924

Edited July 2, 2014 by JustS

[Guest A Random Internet Person]

Hey, since your planning on continuing this story, I had an Idea. Since Lara has basically fallen in love with the wolves and Jennifer, how about a part where Lara and Jen are having sex outside, a couple of bandits come a long and attempt to rape/kill them but the wolves save their "Bitches" and perhaps one of the wolves could die, to show the emotional impact losing a member of the pack has on Lara and Jen.

[JustS]

Hey, since your planning on continuing this story, I had an Idea. Since Lara has basically fallen in love with the wolves and Jennifer, how about a part where Lara and Jen are having sex outside, a couple of bandits come a long and attempt to rape/kill them but the wolves save their "Bitches" and perhaps one of the wolves could die, to show the emotional impact losing a member of the pack has on Lara and Jen.

Man, you guys are really good at predicting ideas I've considered! I had something pretty similar in mind, albeit more expanded with a conspicuous arc.

At some point though I thought it might clog up the story too much, and with people hammering me with demands for more smut scenarios I decided to not follow up on the mention of the bandits.

However, a little bit of drama might spice things up again. So I ask the question to you all -

Would you like a little bit of plot, to maybe follow up on the bandit situation, or you just happy with just smut until the end?

Edited July 4, 2014 by JustS

[Guest KingZingSting]

Honestly if I wanted plot, I'd play the games. SMUT! But that one moment with the bandits returning wouldn't be a bad idea, as long as it's only brief...And no bandit rape...not sucessful, they can try, but they must die before anything happens.

[Guest Guest]

Hay I just finished reading you're story pretty neat also I finished the game maybe explore the island a bit more with jen and lara and maybe have them find a bit similar to the part where the bandits are breeding the wolves. And are using human woman to breed pups. Good luck and can't wait.

[Guest Jonathan]

Sorry the guest was me.

[JustS]

Hay I just finished reading you're story pretty neat also I finished the game maybe explore the island a bit more with jen and lara and maybe have them find a bit similar to the part where the bandits are breeding the wolves. And are using human woman to breed pups. Good luck and can't wait.

That would make for some interesting moments but its perhaps a bit too complex at this stage in the story. Still, I will keep the idea in mind.

Keep the bandit feedback coming though, everyone. I'm thinking I want to follow up on them, to clear them out of the island, but not spend too long on it.

Anyway, just thought I'd update you guys. I'm about 90% done on the next chapter, which is looking like it'll end up fairly long at over 10 pages (in terms of my word processor, that is). What I've got so far needs a lot of polish and of course I have to tweak it for the A and B versions. Hopefully, all being well, I can get both finished at the weekend.

Edited July 7, 2014 by JustS