Pippychick Original Fiction Review Responses

[Melrick]

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Reviews for Awakenings BY : pippychick & Melrick

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  From Sage of Discord on June 12, 2019
   

  Hell of a cliffhanger.

Thanks for your review!  We like a good cliffhanger, keeps you coming back for more… hopefully.  lol

[pippychick]

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Reviews for The Music Room BY : pippychick

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  From Melrick on June 15, 2019
   

  That was both beautiful and melancholy.  Really well done, but then again, every single thing you write is really well done.

Thank you so much, Melrick

I really love that piece of music and the character of the duet. I hope I wrote something to do it justice.

[pippychick]

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Reviews for The Music Room BY : pippychick

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From JayDee on June 16, 2019
 

It's really great how you fit all the emotion of the loss into so few words. The passage remembering Hannah sexually is very bittersweet, but I love the way the language changes from playing the instrument to comparing playing Hannah.

" It seemed less painful now because they had loved, "

It's like the old saying "It's better to have loved and lost than never loved at all" you've got a great way of putting it.

Thank you so much, @JayDee – I’m so glad you liked it. I’m glad you noticed the comparison of playing the instrument and the lover. They both do involve a kind of purposeful caress.

 

[pippychick]

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From InBrightestDay on June 17, 2019
 

Well, having read some of pippychick's other stuff, I had to read this collaborative effort here!  No offense intended to Melrick; I just haven't read any of your work before.  Anyway...

Chapter 1

I'm stepping a little out of my comfort zone here.  On the one hand, I'm not averse to Minor stuff in general, depending on how it's written, but on the other, I wouldn't usually read something featuring a fourteen year old girl (full disclosure, when Nina mentions how she'll be fifteen in a coupe of weeks, I did cringe a little), but the way you two are writing this really helped me.

I think, had you jumped right into this relationship, I probably would have noped out of there pretty quick, but the slow build you seem to be going for is doing wonders, with neither Ray nor Nina really consciously moving this relationship forward, at least here at the start; it's just sort of happening.

I do also appreciate that Ray, at least, seems to realize how wildly inappropriate this is.  I mean, this is absolutely the stuff you hear about on the news: "And finally tonight, a middle aged bus driver has been arrested for having sex with one of his fourteen year old passengers..."  I'm very curious to see if this story actually gets me to root for these two as a couple.

At any rate, this is written really well so far, and I'll get to Chapter 2 soon!

Hey, @InBrightestDay and thank you so much!

Thank you for reading, even if it is out of your comfort zone. I’m entirely responsible for Nina’s age, and it’s interesting to think back and imagine what she would be thinking and feeling. But we wanted to try and write about two characters first and foremost, so if you do stick with it, be prepared for this to go a lot deeper.

As for Ray, he absolutely does realise, and I think ordinarily nothing would happen here. But this is fiction, so we are just having a little fun as the Gods of this world, and watching what unfolds, so I’m really happy that it seems to be just happening, rather than being forced. I hope you will root for Ray and Nina by the end. Together, they are more than their age difference

[pippychick]

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From InBrightestDay on June 17, 2019
 

Okay, so I ended up just reading the second chapter right after the first.  Sorry.

Chapter 2

Well, that slow build thing lasted all of one chapter.  Um...this was somehow both erotic and kind of alarming.  Like, it was hot, and then we discovered that Nina was actually frightened and wanted to tell Ray to stop and just like that it wasn't hot anymore.

He thought about asking her to just keep it a secret between the two of them, but isn’t that what creeps and perverts say?

FUNNY YOU SHOULD SAY THAT, RAY.

Again, I am glad that Ray caught onto what he was doing and backed off, especially considering that this was moving far too fast for Nina there.  Still, it's not a good sign when his self-control is that tenuous.  It does make me wonder how we as readers are meant to see Ray's actions.  The first chapter made him seem like a decent guy, but are we meant to see him that way, or as something for more disturbing?  It's definitely something to think about.

Anyway, I will be back for the next chapter.

Hey again, and thank you!

Well… I think she was more frightened of herself just then. She hasn’t been in any situation like this before, but she’s also very daring. It’s amazing how easy it is to get right out of your depth… lol. Silly Nina! But Ray is a good guy really. He’d never hurt her or deliberately scare her. He’s not thinking rationally at all right now.

 

[pippychick]

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From InBrightestDay on June 17, 2019
 

Chapter 3

This chapter helped me a lot, as silly as it may sound.

I realize that my previous reviews might have come off as me saying that this story wasn't well-written.  That's not the case at all.  If anything, my on-and-off discomfort has been a result of how well done the characters are.  See, what got to me wasn't the age difference or the legality, but rather the question of abuse.  You've done a phenomenal job of depicting Nina's childlike naivete, so in spite of the fact that she's obviously gone through sex ed, when Ray started fondling her, I was still unsure of whether or not she truly understood the sort of thing she was getting into.  That bit where she wanted to say no but couldn't didn't exactly help.

So why do I say this chapter helped?  Simple: they talked about everything.  It may sound very silly, but having both of them discuss what they were feeling and what the stakes were, so to speak, made me feel a lot better about the relationship.  It also helped more than you may realize to hear Ray say that he didn't want to hurt Nina, because it was something I don't think he mentioned in previous chapters; he seemed far more worried about the legal consequences of having sex with Nina than of the potential damage it would do to her, so hearing that he does care about that makes him seem like a better person.

Well, now that all the super dramatic stuff is out of the way, I do also have to say this:

Blue balls.  It was two words that most guys rightly feared, right along with the words ‘impotence’, ‘erectile dysfunction’ and ‘premature ejaculation’.  Okay, those last ones were worse

That made me laugh.  Truer words...

Thank you for this one too!

I’m glad that their communication made you feel better about them. Well, he has been worried about those consequences, so they’ve been at the front of his mind. Even though Melrick and I are really making him go there. He doesn’t mean to do any harm.

Ah… Melrick made you laugh… (points)  

 

[pippychick]

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Reviews for Awakenings BY : pippychick & Melrick

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  From InBrightestDay on June 18, 2019
   

  Chapter 4

  Well, I'm all caught up!  Also, I can confirm that Ray and Nina having that conversation in the previous chapter really did help, since this chapter didn't creep me out.

  He’d never felt the breasts of a girl that young before, not even when he himself was that age, and there was no denying the difference.  They felt soft, sure, but firmer than the breasts of an adult.

  Although I will not have the honor of adult breasts impugned!  They're magical things and I am not budging on that front.

  Anyway, I liked how awkward this is for both of them, and not just in the sense of Ray thinking about the fact that he's about to have sex with a fourteen year old.

  He’d understood that he was in too deep at this stage to care about whether she was 15, 14 or even 13.

  ...Goddamnit it, Ray.

  Anyway, what I was getting at is that he's honestly just kind of awkward around members of the opposite sex to begin with, which works to sort of complement Nina's awkwardness over her lack of sexual experience.

  So yeah, I'm now actually looking forward to how things go next chapter!

And lastly… for now, hopefully…

lol… I will not say a word about breasts, or we’ll be here all day.

But they are kind of equal in being awkward, so I’m glad that comes across. Ray is extremely lonely, and he’s not having an easy time of it even without having a girl throw herself in his way... and Nina is so terribly curious. “Goddamnit Ray” made me laugh though. 

I hope you enjoy the rest

Thank you so much!

[InBrightestDay]

5 hours ago, pippychick said:

And lastly… for now, hopefully…  

Apologies for doing all the reviews so quickly, but I wanted to get caught up before the next chapter was posted.

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I hope you will root for Ray and Nina by the end. Together, they are more than their age difference

Oh, age difference isn’t really a problem.  I mean, my longest running story (which I have vowed to finish by the end of July!) features an eighteen year old boy paired with a fourteen billion year old woman, so compared to that Ray and Nina are practically the same age.  The thing that made me uncomfortable during Chapter 2 was really just the question of how consensual this was.  The whole reason the age of consent exists in the first place, after all, is that sometimes younger people are mentally more vulnerable to being forced or manipulated into sex, and I misunderstood what you were doing with Nina’s thought process and thought Ray might be coercing her into sex, which was where the Bad Touch feelings popped up.  Of course…

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I think she was more frightened of herself just then.

...that was the key component I was missing, that it was Nina thinking “Wait, what am I doing?” rather than “Wait, what is he doing?”  The subsequent chapters did a lot to change my mind on the pairing, and definitely reassured me that Ray is ultimately a good guy.

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Ah… Melrick made you laugh… (points)

Yeah.   I’m definitely going to have to check out more of Melrick’s work in the future!

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lol… I will not say a word about breasts, or we’ll be here all day.

I was just joking.  When it comes to what one finds aesthetically pleasing, it’s all a matter of personal preference.

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Ray is extremely lonely, and he’s not having an easy time of it even without having a girl throw herself in his way... and Nina is so terribly curious.

Definitely.  I imagine the titular awakenings are more Nina’s, as a pubescent girl just now experiencing sexual attraction for the first time, though it could to some extent apply to Ray, I suppose.

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“Goddamnit Ray” made me laugh though.

Again, that was mostly intended as a joke, though my reaction was kind of like:

Me: Okay, I’m genuinely starting to accept that this relationship could work.  For this story, I think I’m getting over the “fourteen year old” thing.

Ray: Even if she were 13…

Me: Don’t push it, man.

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I hope you enjoy the rest 

I think I will.  In spite of my reaction to Chapter 2, I actually am rooting for these two now.

[pippychick]

16 minutes ago, InBrightestDay said:

Apologies for doing all the reviews so quickly, but I wanted to get caught up before the next chapter was posted.

lol… I’ve only just realised how that sounds. Of course I meant I hope you will continue reading!

[InBrightestDay]

14 minutes ago, pippychick said:

lol… I’ve only just realised how that sounds. Of course I meant I hope you will continue reading!

Sorry for the misunderstanding!  I felt bad leaving the reviews that fast myself, so I read your statement wrong partly out of guilt.  I will definitely continue reading!

[JayDee]

7 hours ago, pippychick said:

Thank you so much, @JayDee – I’m so glad you liked it. I’m glad you noticed the comparison of playing the instrument and the lover. They both do involve a kind of purposeful caress.

 

“Hey sis! How’d it go with that new girl?”

“I hoped her touch would be amazing because she’s a musician.”

“And?”

“She only plays the theremin.”

[Melrick]

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Reviews for Awakenings BY : pippychick & Melrick

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  From InBrightestDay on June 20, 2019
   

  Chapter 5

  Well, good thing I caught up on those reviews like I did!

  For the most part, this was a pretty sexy read.  I've always felt cunnilingus is one of the hottest things a man can do for a woman, and this was definitely no exception.  There is also something kind of sweet about the scene, with the way Ray is being careful to let Nina explore instead of pushing anything on her, especially when she's giving oral and he lets her take things at her own pace.  The ageplay was kind of a mixed bag for me.  Sometimes...

  "Have you ever been on anyone's shoulders?"

  ...it really worked for me...

  Come on, my girl, he thought, come for daddy.

  ...and sometimes it didn't.  Still, even when it wasn't working for me it never stopped me from reading, and like I said, this was still a really hot chapter.

  Actually, just what the hell is pre-cum, and what the hell is its purpose?  He hadn't really thought about it before.

  *Also Sprach Zarathustra begins playing*  There comes a time in everyone's life, a time when the stars align and the heavens open, a time when their knowledge is finally called upon.  At long last, my Biology degree has paid off, because I KNOW THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION!

  So, for the curious, sperm cells are very sensitive to acidity.  This is sort of a problem, since semen has to pass through the urethra...which is also where urine, containing uric acid, is expelled from the body.  Therefore, in order to protect the sperm cells, two small organs called the Cowper's glands produce a clear fluid (pre-ejaculate or pre-cum) that is flushed through the urethra before ejaculation in order to neutralize any lingering acidity.

  I realize that was the least sexy description of anything sex-related ever, and you have my apologies for that.

Thanks again for your review!

Right off the bat, I’d like to point out that if the daddy part bothered you then we wonder how worthwhile it would be for you to keep reading, since there’s going to be plenty more of that to come over the following chapters, many of which we’ve already written, and right to the very end, which we haven’t written yet.  We just thought we’d warn you to give you a more informed decision, and to cut off any ‘well that really turned me off!’ complaints, because… well, you were warned.   Anyway, it’s entirely up to you, of course! 

Also, I just thought I’d give you a bit of an insight into the reasons behind us writing this story.  We wanted to write something that really appealed to the both of us, something that we would really enjoy writing and exploring, and that’s very much what we came up with.  We love the story and we each love both of the characters – so much so that it’ll be a bit of a wrench when we have to leave them behind.  We decided to upload it as well since maybe others might also enjoy reading it, but it’s first and foremost for us two.  But we’re both firm believers in writing to appeal to ourselves first anyway, which we feel every writer should do! 

[InBrightestDay]

7 hours ago, Melrick said:

Right off the bat, I’d like to point out that if the daddy part bothered you then we wonder how worthwhile it would be for you to keep reading, since there’s going to be plenty more of that to come over the following chapters, many of which we’ve already written, and right to the very end, which we haven’t written yet.  We just thought we’d warn you to give you a more informed decision, and to cut off any ‘well that really turned me off!’ complaints

I wasn’t saying “well that really turned me off,” just that I didn’t find it super hot.  As I mentioned in the review, it didn’t cause me to stop reading the chapter (there was plenty of other hot stuff in the scene).  The only part of the story thus far that made me wonder whether I should continue reading was some concern over consent, which was cleared up several chapters ago.  So no, further uses of “daddy” might not be a turn-on for me, but they’re not going to prevent me from enjoying the story.

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Also, I just thought I’d give you a bit of an insight into the reasons behind us writing this story.  We wanted to write something that really appealed to the both of us, something that we would really enjoy writing and exploring, and that’s very much what we came up with.  We love the story and we each love both of the characters – so much so that it’ll be a bit of a wrench when we have to leave them behind.  We decided to upload it as well since maybe others might also enjoy reading it, but it’s first and foremost for us two.  But we’re both firm believers in writing to appeal to ourselves first anyway, which we feel every writer should do! 

I really hope I haven’t upset you two with my reviews.  I wasn’t trying for that; all I was doing was giving my completely subjective responses to each chapter.  I didn’t mean to hurt anyone’s feelings.  I want to point out again that this story is five chapters long so far, and the only chapter that alarmed me was Chapter 2, and that was due to me misunderstanding what was happening.  Please don’t take any of my reactions as an indictment of your work.  I’ve read stories that legitimately hurt me (emotionally, I mean), but I’ve never said that the authors shouldn’t have written them.  I am a big believer in the idea that an author or authors should tell the story they want to.

I also very much understand writing something for yourself but hoping someone else might enjoy it as well.

So again, please don’t take this as me saying you two have done anything wrong, and know that I am genuinely enjoying the story.

[Melrick]

Regarding the daddy stuff, that’s no problem!  It’s just that we’ve both come across reviewers that will read something in a story that they hate and complain about, yet will keep reading future chapters and continue to complain about it, and it just leaves you scratching your head wondering why the hell they’re continuing to read something they don’t like. lol

And no, no offence taken!  I just thought I’d explain that because many people – including a surprising number of writers – really don’t get that concept.  So that wasn’t just for you but for anybody else reading that post who might not quite grasp that people can (and should) write for themselves first, even if that limits the number of readers you’ll get.  It’s not like we’re professional authors that feel the need to write to a target audience, after all, so we’re free to do as we wish.  One bonus of not being published authors, I guess!  Not becoming rich and famous authors is the downside though. ;-)

Anyway, we do appreciate the fact that you’re a diligent reader and reviewer!  Not many people out there that are both, that’s for sure!

 

[pippychick]

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Reviews for Awakenings BY : pippychick & Melrick

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From InBrightestDay on June 28, 2019
 

First times are magical things.  The emotional content in this chapter is really strong.

Should he call it off? If he backed out now, would she feel like she’d done something wrong?

 

“Do you want me to continue?” he asked her gently.

 

Nina opened her eyes, placed her hands on his face and kissed him.  After a moment, she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him closer to her.

That whole thing really made me smile, showing how much these two care about each other, and the part where Nina almost cried because of how happy she was almost made me tear up a little.

Of course, there is the inevitable coming back to reality, on two fronts.  First, the future of this relationship is rather uncertain due to the age difference.  Second, Ray did come inside her, which is going to be an absolute nightmare if she gets pregnant at fourteen.  Still and all, this was a really sweet chapter.

I did kind of tilt my head at one thing.  Nina's house is way out in the middle of nowhere, and she says that it has no phone reception (and presumably no landline).  That seems really dangerous if there's a medical emergency.  I've never been to Australia, mind you, so for all I know this is a common thing out in the country and it doesn't really cause any problems.  It just kind of caught my attention while reading.

On a final note, you've officially done it.  I felt disappointed when the "this is just sex" reality check came up, meaning that yes, I am rooting for this couple now.  Looking forward to the next chapter!

Thank you @InBrightestDay

I’m really glad this chapter worked, and that Nina’s feelings about it all came across so well.

Yes, the potential for her getting pregnant is a worry, and both of them need to take that more seriously than they are right now.

As to the isolation, I suspect the must be some way for Nina to contact the outside world, just as I’m equally sure she’s keeping the knowledge of how to do so all to herself, for her own purposes (kind of like how she didn’t tell Ray her mobile/cellphone only worked at school).

I am glad you’re rooting for them. There is something quite deep going on here, even if neither of them realise it yet.

Thank you again!