Sere's Corner of . . . Whatever

[Guest Serenanna]

First off, thank you to EveKnight for the pass card. I really really appreciate it, and now don't feel like too much of an idiot for whining about my poor health on the aimless babble boards.

And now, some good news. My typing speed is back to just about normal and I no longer move around in the chair like a retard that can't drive. I'm still going through withdrawal, but the sleeping pills and the new heartburn stuff my doctor gave me is helping.

Speaking of which, I saw my doctor today. I love that man. Just listening to him makes me feel better than any rambling idiot the hospitals can parade before me. That said thought, I'm not all better, the stones haven't passed, I still pee some blood, and he's worried that if they don't pass I'll get another infection, so . . . I took a urine test, no results yet, but may be back on antibiotics if it grows something. He also thinks that there's something wrong with that cyst and to kill both birds, I need another CT scan, and to see the quack at Mercy Suburban that said I had kidney stones if they don't pass. Now I'm praying they pass. v.v

I really hate Barium too. The night before that scan in the hospital I had to drink it, then an hour later I threw it all back up. I'm making myself nauseous just thinking about it.

Speaking of food, i also can't have coffee, soda, teas, chocolate, spicy food, tomatoes, or oranges because of the heartburn. Sucks since I love coffee and chocolate. I'm also ordered on fiber pills, lots of water, juices (which isn't so bad), milk, and anything for my stomach. At least it's an excuse to eat grilled cheese.

On top of all this, my period is about to start, which means I could be a lot worse. I started cramping Friday already, and it hurt worse than any cramps I've felt before. I really don't want to check myself in again, and I certainly want no Dilaudid.

I just want to be able to go back to writing again, and gaming. Writing's always been my release, my way to get out what I feel. I know I take it seriously sometimes, but that's me. When I truly love something, I take it very seriously. I want to finish what I start, but now that I'm getting close to the end of somethings, it feels like fate is keeping me from finishing it.

I'm already like three weeks behind. Maybe this week I can finally get something one paper, but till then . . .

I think I need a lot more rest.

Sere

[Leonhart29]

Oh honey, I wish nothing but the best and a speedy recovery for you. I know a little of what you're going through and I definitely feel your pain. I'm hoping that you're able to get back to what you enjoy soon, and know that I'm behind you all the way.

Get better soon.

[Guest Serenanna]

So, here goes, second post. I'm actually feeling better, better to the point where I opened Word and actually wrote a page of something. At least some things are working now. ::dances::

My digestive system is still messed up though. I swear my taste buds are burnt out or something since I taste almost nothing. My mood also comes and goes. Tuesday my brother swore I was close to hysterics and not in the haha funny sense. I still don't have my period either damnit even if the cramps hurt like a bitch.

But . . . I feel better, less jittery, more sane, and have some semblance of strength and control back. It can only get better from here.

In good news. The title for my van came in. It's mine! All mine! I actually own something now! ::cackles:: I don't care if my dad co-signed or not, I made all the payments and now I'm done with it! Yatta!

Tomorrow I'm heading out to moo-country, PA with the family. This could be good or disastrous since we're going to Hershey, and the doctor told me not to eat chocolate, caffeine, or sugar till they figure out where my stones are. Speaking of which, I got a CT scan on Monday morning. More barium to drink. Joy. But at least it'll say if something is still wrong with me still and who to see to fix it.

Monday night is also a big meeting of the borough we live in, and the topic is redevelopment of the triangle of land out family home sits on. They sent out letters to all the land owners, but not the people renting space for businesses. This could go good or very bad. For the past years the borough manager, who is possibly a money-grubbing criminal bankrupting the town, has had it in for my dad because he knows she's no good. There's been rumors of a deal with Wawa, a local convenience chain like 7-11, to buy out the whole triangle and turn it into a Super Wawa . . . a store and gas station pretty much.

This could go really bad if that's the direction. Depending on what happens, we could be getting something as simple as sidewalks, or as complex as having our house taken via emmient domain. My brother, bless him, already looked for some legal council when we got the letter from the mother of one of his friends who's a government lawyer. He's confident that no matter what they toss at us, we'll come out on top. I'm hoping he's right. I'm a little scared myself. I love this house even if it's completely unsuited for my condition. Seeing it turned into a gas station and parking lot after three generations growing up here?

. . . I guess it's time I started praying for more than my own health. :\

Sere

[Guest Serenanna]

Freaking local government!

First they give us all heart attacks with the letter they sent out about the meeting, then they actually hold the meeting, which is a whole lot of nothing. I was right in my gut feeling when it said about transit. It was about sidewalks and the two properties around us already for sale, plus the local train station and a study for future land use if we sell.

The irony of all this is that the biggest complaints lodged that night weren't over traffic or speed limits, but over the freaking Wawa. As handy as a convenience store as it is, there are teenagers around it at all time, including the worst ones. We've found trash on our lawn before from them and the neighbors have even found drugs left closer to the building. But everyone still uses the rat trap because they're the closest place to the train to get coffee and a newspaper. Hell, it's the only place in town to get that. The best suggestion of the night was by my dad who said they should look for someone to take over the old station to put in a coffee shop and news agency to compete with Wawa.

Well, on the good side, no more worrying about them taking our house.

And on another good note, I'm slowly getting better. If I can get back to regular sleep without pills, I think I'll be happy again.

Sere

[Guest Serenanna]

I don't know any other way of dealing with this so here goes.

My rabbit has passed on. As you guys probably know, his name was Buddy. He was a Holland lop/Rex mix, and he was the sweetest little guy I had ever known. I got him from Oishiichan who got him from a rescue by her home. She thought I needed a therapy pet, that my entire family needed one. It was therapy. For seven months we were all responsible for him, all adored him, loved him, annoyed with him, cared for him, and came together to be better people for his sake. We weren't the best, but we did the best we could, and Buddy was happy. At least, I think he was happy for a rabbit.

Tuesday night he didn't eat after we'd let him out to roam my bedroom. Wednesday morning he still didn't eat. I called the vet. They looked at him and said it was an infection causing him not to eat, but they we're sure and gave us some meds. Last night we nursed him with what we could, pellets mashed in water, baby food, everything. I haven't really slept because I stayed watching him, hoping he'd pull through. He only got worse after we fed him this morning. I knew we were going to lose him when he hopped out of the towels he was wrapping in and slid on the cage floor then didn't get up right way. Then he tried to hop in his hay box and missing, couldn't get his leg in. My mom, my brother, we did everything we could.

He died in my brother's arms, just went limp.

I don't know what to do now.

It's only after something is gone that you realize all the things you should have done, but didn't. I should have taken him to the vet sooner. I should have held him more. I should have learned to clip his nails on my own. I should have been more responsible. I should have watched him run out on the grass. I should have taken more pictures of him. I should have taken him for walks. I should have . . .

Everything just happens all at once, doesn't it? You think everything is fine, life is fine, and then it smacks you when you think everything is as it should be.

I loved Buddy, and now I don't know what to do. I knew this day would come eventually, but not this soon, too soon. I knew he'd die eventually, but I thought I'd be able to deal by then. I am not dealing so well at the moment.

Can a person really love an animal that much? Possibly. My mother is as upset I as I am. God, she loved him as much as I did if not more. Petting him made her anxiety go away for a little. Ironically, the first thing out of her mouth after calming down is that she wants to adopt another rabbit. I'm trying not to think about that at the moment.

My brother was angry, trying to rationalize why Buddy died, but then he stopped and hugged me. He is just as upset, but dealing with it on his own too. My father wasn't here when he passed, but when I called him he sounded just as upset but strong like his son. Men seem to be resilient like that.

Writing all this is making me realize how much words help me cope with things better that trying to put it into verbal words. To actually speak all this at the moment would become a garbled, crying mess that doesn't convey an ounce of how I really feel. Actions do not speak louder than words sometimes.

I used to talk to Buddy all the time in his cage as if he'd answer me back, even at times like this when I was upset and had no one else to talk to. I must have seemed like the biggest moron to him expecting him to understand me. But, he still let me pet his head and sit on my lap without a fuss. He was so adorably grumpy and cute at the same time with his eyes half closed. He ate like a monster, which was funny, slurping hay like spagetti. He never destroyed anything he wasn't supposed to, and didn't eat my blankets. He loved to flop over to nap, and chitter to himself in his sleep. He only ever bit me once, and nipped me once. Once he was used to us all, he never bit anyone trying to pet him. His nose twitched so fast every time I held him.

He was the best bunny rabbit ever. He was my little buddy . . . and now he's gone.

I will always miss him and never forget him. Seven months isn't enough, but in seven months I loved him as much as a human girl can. He had a hard life before us as a possible lab bunny. I can only hope now that he's going on to somewhere where be can be truly at piece.

Rest in Peace, Buddy.

[Nanaea]

Oh, Sere, I'm so very sorry for your loss. Buddy was a great bunny.

[Leonhart29]

Pets are members of your family and just like losing one of the people in your family you need and deserve a grieving period. It's normal, but me telling you that really isn't helping. I wish there was something I could say that would make this easier, but I can't. I've been through the death of a loved pet and the only thing that helped was time.

My thoughts and wishes are with you sweetie.

[madlodger]

My condolences on Buddy's untimely departure. Some pets are very special. I hope that there is a Pet Heaven, the place they go to.

[Guest echtrae]

Sere, I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. I remember how happy you were when you got Buddy. My condolences.